PsycHacks

This one's for the ladies! In this episode, I'm going to discuss a useful mate selection strategy for straight women. Research indicates that the vast majority of you are competing for the relatively small percentage of men at the top of the hierarchy. While this seems like a good strategy, as these guys have already demonstrated that they possess the traits you might be looking for, it means that you're potentially only one option among many for the men you are targeting. A better approach is to find your dark horse: an underdog performer who ends up winning the race. #dating #relationships #darkhorse

Love, sex, and commitment are independent concepts. The presence of one does not imply the existence of the others. This means that there are eight different, potential combinations of these components. In this episode, I briefly discuss each of these types of relationships in turn, offering an example from film to illustrate each one. #love #sex #commitment

My episode, "The gift of your absence," recently passed 100,000 views on YouTube. So I thought I'd take this opportunity to release an update responding to some of your feedback and criticism. Most importantly, I want to clarify that the primary goal in giving someone the gift of your absence is not to manipulate someone to chase after you. This can happen, but it shouldn't be your primary motivation. Rather, this is fundamentally a strategy to increase your own self-value by exercising self-respect. This can be attractive in its own right -- over and above the value added by your scarcity. Thanks for your support!!   #relationships #respect #value

This is a very simple mind hack that I've developed to guard against frustration and disappointment. Look: you should take what people say with a grain of salt. When they say that they're going to do something (or that they're not going to do something), just say to yourself: "we'll see." Withhold your judgment until you see behavioral confirmation of their commitment one way or another. Trust and doubt are earned.   #trust #relationships #we'llsee

Despite passing through a great deal of suffering in his origin story, Harry Potter doesn't spend the rest of his life hung up on the past. How was he able to do this? The first book provides a clue. We possess the inner resources to overcome our circumstances -- though sometimes we're subject to forgetting who we are and what we're here to do. Reconnecting with purpose and being is often the pathway forward.   #harrypotter #purpose #self

Rolling up your sleeves and hunkering down only works when you have a finite amount of work to do. However, if you're even moderately successful, the time will come when the influx of new work will outpace your ability to discharge it. Once you cross that point, this strategy becomes a recipe for burnout. In this episode, I'll discuss an attitude toward work that helps me maintain healthy work-life boundaries. The work never ends. #boundaries #burnout #work

The vast majority of conflict on this planet throughout history has been caused by ideological differences. Ideas divide people. On the other hand, emotions unite people. This is because no two people are so different from one another that they don't share some facets of the human experience. And these facets are generally emotionally, since they arise from our shared evolutionary past. So if you want to attract people to you, focus on feelings rather than ideas.   #ideas #emotions #attraction

Many of us put off doing the things we know we should, and this hesitation can cause some folks a lot of trouble. A client of mine recently shared a story with me about his sales training. Apparently, he was instructed to "eat the frog" as quickly as possible to overcome his hesitancy in making cold calls. In this episode, I'll talk about what this means and why it's a good idea to move into action sooner.   #frog #action #decisive

This one is pretty straight forward. When working with clients to master their self-talk, I always begin by asking them to consider making a commitment not to talk to themselves in a way they wouldn't speak to a close friend. There's no need to fluff yourself up or practice affirmations in the mirror or discover your mantra. Just start here. The relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have. So make sure you're good company.   #relationships #selftalk #selfimprovement

When people are at the crossroads of life, they can often agonize over making "the right decision." However, implicit in the idea of "the right decision" is the existence of many, many "wrong" decisions, and this significantly increases the felt experience of pressure on the decider. This is not how I see the world. Instead of "right" and "wrong," I see paths that go one way and paths that go another. The "rightness" of one's path is inseparable from the goals of the one who walks it. I'll speak more on this in this episode.   #right #wrong #choices