Love in a F*cked Up World

Dean sits down with Holly Whitaker, author of Quit Like a Woman and host of the Co-Regulation podcast to talk about Holly’s critical feminist analysis of how the alcohol industry and the ubiquity of 12-step impact how we perceive drinking and sobriety. We recommend pairing this episode with our previous episode with Shira Hassan, as well as the bonus interview with Shira that you can find for free on Patreon. Shira is the author of Saving Our Own Lives: A Liberatory Practice of Harm Reduction, and her discussions with Dean also dug into addiction, sobriety, and 12-step.Join us on Patreon for additional content, live events, and conversations. You can also pre-order the new edition of Mutual Aid or buy cute things like hats and hoodies to keep the podcast going.More from Holly:Co-regulation: A PodcastQuit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Society Obsessed with Alcohol

In societies where we throw people away regularly, where carcerality is woven into the emotional fabric of all of our psyches and relationships, it can be VERY hard to give and receive direct feedback. Often we don’t tell people when they hurt us and then we blow up at them or ghost after saving up a pile of hurts. Or we build resentments that are toxic for us and for relationships or groups. And most of us are very defensive when people offer feedback because we’re afraid of being thrown away if we admit mistakes or listen to criticism to find out what might be useful for learning. Morgan Bassichis is back for a conversation with Dean about giving and receiving feedback directly as a way to build and strengthen relationships, and to prevent conflict from escalating to destructive and disorganizing levels.Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes of the show, unique content, and to submit your questions for future AMA episodes.Mentioned in this episode:The new edition of Mutual Aid is coming out March 31, 2026. You can pre-order it here to have proceeds go to support the podcast. You can read an excerpt on fame and parasocial relationships here.

Shira Hassan brings her brilliance and decades of experience in harm reduction, transformative justice, and self-help to this deep-dive conversation. With thoughtful questions for Dean about Love in a F*cked Up World, she opens a nuanced exploration of the relationship between dissociation and numbness, rebellious awareness and radical acceptance, the role of softness in the midst of hard work, and setting boundaries as an abolitionist and harm reductionist.Join us on Patreon for additional content, live events, and conversations. You can also pre-order the new edition of Mutual Aid or buy cute things like hats and hoodies to keep the podcast going.More from Shira:Saving Our Own Lives: A Liberatory Practice of Harm ReductionFumbling Towards Repair: A Workbook for Community Accountability FacilitatorsTransformative Justice Help Desk

Crushes can be fun and enlivening, but sometimes they are ill-timed or ill-suited, and it can be hard to shake them off. Morgan Bassichis is back to discuss one of the most popular tools from Dean's book Love in a F*cked Up World: 7 Steps for De-escalating a Crush. This tool can help you to turn down the intensity of the interest or obsession when you're feeling crushed out.Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes of the show, unique content, and to submit your questions for future AMA episodes.

Jessica Lanyadoo is back with Dean for part two of this AMA, where they tackle more listener questions. They dive into everything from negotiating relationship terms — like how to open a relationship, set boundaries, and talk about safer sex — to conversations about porn, casual sex, gender envy, and parasocial relationships.Listen to Part 1 of this episode on Apple here, Spotify here, or Dean's website here.Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes of the show and to submit your questions for future AMA episodes.Jessica Lanyadoo is host of Ghost of a Podcast, out twice weekly and available everywhere podcasts are heard. Find out more about her work at lovelanyadoo.com and join her on Patreon at patreon.com/jessicalanyadoo

Jessica Lanyadoo joins Dean for the first AMA episode of Love in a F*cked Up World. Jessica and Dean answer listener questions about how to navigate our relationships with friends in the context of these terrifying times, how to deal with differing awareness and practices around COVID in our community spaces, and how to negotiate and reckon with differences in class and access to resources in organizing. We got so many great questions from listeners that we’ll be releasing this conversation in two parts.Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes of the show and to submit your questions for future AMA episodes.Jessica Lanyadoo is host of Ghost of a Podcast, out twice weekly and available everywhere podcasts are heard. Find out more about her work at lovelanyadoo.com and join her on Patreon at patreon.com/jessicalanyadooRESOURCES FOR THIS EPISODE: Info about Long COVID:https://longcovidjustice.org/resources/learn-about-long-covid/https://longcovidjustice.org/trans/Info about mask bloc and clean air club organizing and some examples:https://maskbloc.org/about/https://cleanairclub.org/abouthttps://www.instagram.com/seattlecleanair/?hl=enhttps://www.instagram.com/masksforlondon/?hl=enhttps://www.instagram.com/breathe.better.berlin/https://www.instagram.com/glasgowmaskbloc/?hl=en

Kelly Hayes joins Dean Spade to talk about the relational work of movement building. In a critical moment in Chicago, Kelly and Dean talk about how to establish the trust needed to take the kinds of risks necessary to fight ICE and fascist invasion. They also talk about AI and journalism, and Kelly tells Dean how when confronting fascism, "The truth is a front of struggle." Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes in the podcast, early access, and to submit questions for upcoming Ask Me Anything episodes.Learn more about Kelly Hayes on her website, and check out her work and key resources mentioned in the show:Movement Memos podcastRead This When Things Fall ApartLet This Radicalize YouOrganizing My Thoughts newsletterTruthoutIn It Together Toolkit

Weyam Ghadbian joins Dean Spade to talk about Dean's tool 7 Steps for Deescalating a Crush, how Weyam encouraged Dean to discuss the transformative power of love, when attachment theory is useful, and when it's ok to give self help books as gifts.Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes in the podcast, tickets to online events, and to submit questions for upcoming Ask Me Anything episodes.Check out Turning Towards Each Other: A Conflict Workbook by Weyam Ghadbian and Jovida Ross.

Dean is excited to share an episode of one of his favorite podcasts, How to Survive the End of the World, hosted by Autumn Brown and adrienne maree brown.In this episode, "Be My Senpai" the sisters answer a listener question about how to interface with critical feedback and even trolling. They dive into the the importance of belonging and the ways they establish safety and boundaries in their lives, how self-protection is crucial in maintaining mental health, and how competing political priorities can lead to feelings of abandonment but don't need to!Listen to more episodes of How to Survive the End of the World, support the show on Patreon, and visit them on Instagram.You can listen to Dean's interview with adrienne maree brown on episode 1 of Love in a F*cked Up World, and check out Autumn and adrienne's conversation with Dean on this episode of How to Survive the End of the World.

How can you tell when it's time to leave a relationship with a person, project, job, or group? How can you tell if you have a tendency to walk away too fast or to stay too long in relationships? Morgan Bassichis is back to go deep into these questions with Dean, including talking about how to know when to keep trying to convince people of your perspective and when to move on. Dean and Morgan recorded this episode together (in the same room!) and you can watch the video on YouTube.Have a question for Dean? Send it in for our upcoming Ask Me Anything episode with Jessica Lanyadoo. You can reach us via Patreon or email at LOVEINAF0CKEDUPWORLD (at) gmail (the U in f*cked is a zero).Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes in the podcast, tickets to online events, and to submit questions for upcoming Ask Me Anything episodes.