Emsolation

This episode comes with a warning...in that it’s the longest one so far, so there’s probs a whiff of us ‘getting up ourselves’ within, but whatever because Em got a message from a 19 year old girl saying there’s a few of them who are fans and they also called her a COOL. MUM. (caps and full stops totally necessary). So the intro is directed at teenagers because Em is buzzed about getting her claws into the next generation of women. She gives them the rundown on what it was like to be raised by 80’s parents, they’re the Boomers that messed us all up, thereby helping to create the Tiger Mums and Dads we have now that are hands on, in your face and all up in your grill. Then it’s on to the lessons Em learnt later in life, that she wants to pass on early to her girls. To quote Em “it’s basically just a long arse intro, where I try and....make teenagers like me”, followed by a very hearty laugh. Then Michael returns to help work through more of Britney’s instagram efforts, is she unravelling or blooming? They can’t work it out, and it’s riveting, and worrying, and all of the other things. Next it’s on to Reynold from Masterchef’s hickey, could he be the next Bachelor, and how do you do the Bachelor if you can’t exchange bodily fluids in a spa? There’s also zero room in Em’s life for any more celebrities being sad about the Logies not being on, even though Michael is totes missing it, which leads to award show chat, then there’s more love for Hamilton the musicals arrival on friday, Michael and Em are of course having a themed viewing party, would you expect anything less?! Then Scott returns (hot tip, if Scott isn’t on you can safely assume they’ve had a fight that week) to help you overcome fears of rejection when applying for jobs, and there’s a great podcast recommendation from Em that features inspiring conversations with Indigenous role models, it’s by Marley Silver and it’s called Always Was, Always Will Be Our Stories. So find your perfect place to plug in, press play and get your Emsolation top up now. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Did someone say “gimme all of the tangents”? Probably not, but that’s okay because we’re going to give you all of the tangents that your ears and mind could possibly cope with, and then we’ll probably squeeze in some more. To quote Em “we were pretty wild and reckless and I know that’s saying something”, so to give you a taster of the tangents on offer, we start with Em having to work through her shame of being a Victorian. It would seem toilet paper hoarding has returned to Victoria, which has left Em wondering why some people obsess about their butt holes in a time of International pandemics. So a plea is going out to stop being dickheads and if not, then maybe the next step is a registrar of loo paper hoarders, where you can dob them in for their selfish over consumption. Then it’s on to Friday night and all the things Em learned whilst trying to put a live TV show out to the masses online. She’s low key also just casually decided that she’s going to start her own TV Network and then sidebars into the one song that got her through the hecticness in the lead up to the broadcast. In fact, she even gives you the actual minutes and seconds within the song that’s her ‘you’re speaking to me’ moment, so you can use it to help you get through the day. Then there’s more Masterchef chatter as Michael returns to reflect on Poh finally running out of time on one of her cooks, and Reynold breaking a sweat, totally bursting Em’s theory that he’s a robot of culinary coolness. Then it’s on to filming the new season of Michael’s TV show, which is now finding it difficult to navigate the kissing and sex scenes in the age of social distancing, prompting some very 1940’s style “no touching” moments. Plus they’ll go into further details on the disaster that happened before Em went to air on Friday night, which involved lots of crying, but also gave her the resolve to do another one next month WITH added roller skates. So put your tangent pants on and dive ear first into another sterling edition of Emsolation. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lets talk about ‘love’, in particular, ‘love stories’ that AREN’T romantic...wait what? “There’s a love story that isn’t romantic?” is what you might be encouraged to think, especially if you’ve been raised on a steady diet of rom coms, but there’s a whole heap of love stories you might be ignoring. Inspired by the new series “Love Life”, starring Anna Kendrick on Stan, Em found herself really enjoying the love stories that didn’t involve people getting naked with each other. Since forever it feels like there’s been this focus on a woman's life being considered not complete until they locate and marry ‘the one’, but if we look back on ALL our great loves, like pets, friends, family members, the list of our ‘loves’ suddenly takes on a whole new perspective and it helps you reframe your success rate in love. For instance, besides her hubby and her kids, Em considers her friendship with her bestie Michael as one of her great loves. So we open with that, then we continue the theme with another great love of both Em and Michael’s that isn’t romantic, Britney Spears. She’s dropped a new message for the LGBTQI community which was as hectic as you’d expect, then they spend roughly a half hour devoted to their love of musicals. Somehow this also ushers in a weird sidebar about Michael finding out about sex and his mum leaving out some very crucial info, standard. Then it’s back to frothing over the musical ‘Hamilton’ finally coming to a screen near us, which triggered a deep dive into the set up for the ultimate viewing of said musical, as they map out some parameters around that within the podcast, as you do. Finally it’s onto ‘The National Justice Project’ a not for profit legal service devoted to advancing human rights by giving a voice to the vulnerable who would otherwise be unable to find legal representation. So get ready to fall even deeper in love (but not romantically) with this podcast as you settle in for another listen. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Em is joined by Constance Hall. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For almost all of us, mentioning the words Primary or High School are enough to bring back memories of endlessly creative, but equally cutting nicknames, random acts of ridicule and outright bullying. Reliving her school days in a convo with her bestie Michael, Em realised she has always been made to feel like an ‘other’ and it’s had a resounding effect on her entire life. It means that Em has become relentlessly competitive and pushes herself to achieve great things, just so she can fit into this Australian ideal of what a woman should be. It’s only recently that she’s realised she’s never going to fit that ideal and that’s okay. To survive, she searched out other ‘others’, and eventually made peace with who she is and came to the realisation that she is enough. After that cathartic release, it’s on to Masterchef, where their tasting challenge offered up cubed morsels of food for identification, although Em was unhappy with the standard of some of the ‘mystery’ items, especially when her 1 year old Elio could easily identify things like apple and carrot. They were sad to see Brendan go home, and Em even tried really hard to find some nice things to say about Andy, plus they think they’ve finally arrived at who they want to win and created a winning slogan for them to use too. They also take some time to shine a light on a great new podcast from Nakkiah Lui and Miranda Tapsell. It’s called ‘Debutante: Race, Resistance and Girl Power’ and reveals how important Deb balls are to the Indigenous community and how they’ve reclaimed them as a result. It also brings everything full circle because both Em and Michael’s debutante experience only helped to add to their High School trauma, so get ready for a lot of reliving the past and laughing in the face of it as well. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Righto, forget your inside voice and get your squeal on because Em has a live show she’s going to deliver right into your living room, June 26th from 8pm. No matter where in the world your living room is, you’ll be able to see a world of glitter, giggles and glamour, with occasional musical interludes from Em and her band. It’s like Em’s fantasy of having her own TV show, on her own terms, is finally here, and she can’t wait to give you the rundown. Then it’s on to Em’s bestie Michael who’s finding it tough being part of a married couple in iso, especially when you’ve got zero enthusiasm to celebrate an anniversary because of lockdown fatigue. Plus Em is basically the third member of their marriage, so it’s even more complicated. He’s also been socially stalked by a Masterchef judge who swiftly went and liked a bunch of his pics, which obviously sent Michael’s heart into a flutter, so you can probably guess who it was...safe to say...it isn’t Andy, so phew. Then there’s accusations of no hand washing after a bum wipe from Em, over Michael missing the birth of Elio because of a pink eye/conjunctivitis infection, plus Michael is back at work full time and he is NOT. COPING. Finally the Indigenous Organisation Em would love you to support is called Deadly Connections, it’s an Aboriginal Community-led Not For Profit Organisation that breaks the cycles of disadvantage and trauma, to directly address the over-representation of Aboriginal people in child protection and the justice system. So find the perfect spot for you to get your listen on and have at it. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So it would seem our podcast devoted to Netflix’s saucy kidnap thriller “365 Days” had a HUGE reaction, especially if the DM’s you flooded Em with Sunday morning are anything to go by. It’s safe to say a LOT of you decided to binge it across the weekend, which naturally left Em wondering how many partners might have suddenly found themselves getting lucky with zero explains. Michael returns to help Em navigate all things Masterchef, they’ll delve into the controversy around Jocks claim that Asian food can’t be fine dining, plus you’ll get the usual not so subtle digs at Andy from Em. They’ll also talk about how the original 80’s version of “Ghostbusters” is problematic in terms of its attitude to women, something Em didn’t even realise until she showed the film to her daughters. That then opens up a chat about all the movies and cartoons that are now just not okay and naturally ends with a Smurf gangbang convo, because, why wouldn’t it? Finally, Scott returns to help podcast listener Deb who raises an interesting problem that Scott and Em can really relate to, so much so that it somehow offers a weird window into Em and Scott’s actual relationship. It’s a battle of emotional feeling brain peeps versus logical, problem solving brain peeps, who will be the ultimate winner? You know the answer is Em right? Exactly, so get this into your ears pronto. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Em and Michael are part of the last generation of humans who really had to do some work to find anything remotely saucy or nude to ogle. Once upon a time, before the internet filed away a bajillion cazillion nudes, finding an example of nakedness was the domain of late night foreign movies on SBS or an R rated Hollywood flick. It was SUPER rare, so with that in mind, you’ll understand why Em and Michael have hijacked an entire podcast just so they can reflect how OBSESSED they are, over a little Polish/Italian sex thriller that just dropped on Netflix, called “365 Days”. In it, we meet Massimo Torricelli, he’s a member of a Sicilian Mafia family, who casually kidnaps Laura, the sales director of a luxury hotel, so he can hold her captive, giving her 365 days to fall in love with him. According to Em, it makes 50 Shades of Grey look like Home and Away, it’s super horny, it’s got lots of saucy angles, including yacht sex captured on high from a drone, bascially this stuff is catnip for horny middle age women and gay guys. It’s a deep and saucy dive into a movie that’ll blow the wigs off any review David and Margaret delivered on the Movie Show. It also reminded Em and Michael about all those saucy thrillers that came out in the 90’s, like Basic Instinct, Poison Ivy, Wild Things and Wild Orchid, and they’re totally here for Netflix jumping back on that titillating genre bandwagon. So find a quiet spot, forget about how hard you had to dig for a glimpse of nudity in ye olde times and enjoy two people celebrating some on demand nudieness in your ears right now.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Em’s daughter Odie is stoked to be heading back to school, she also dropped a surprise reveal on where she’s been heading to get info on the current protests and the Black Lives Matter movement. Em also has details about a great charity which helps Indigenous women called Sisters Inside. Then it’s on to Masterchef contestant Simon and his claim that vegetables are the way forward for the future of Australia? They could well be, but Simon’s offering of soggy broccoli isn’t going to be the way forward for the mouths of Australia, the Masterchef judges, or for him on the show. The Final 10 are ready to fight it out for the crown and Em and Michael are feeling it’s Reynold for the win. Cafes are slowly opening back up after lockdown and Michael is all about it. He’s throwing himself at it with vigour by going EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. He makes his booking, uses his full hour, orders all of the things off the menu, whereas Em....not so much. Well she’s been out to a cafe once, with her hand sani in tow of course, she ordered, she ate, everything went okay, but it’ll be another month before Em’s doing it again. Plus Scott’s back to help Em with her “spiraling” issue, which has nothing to do with zucchini noodles, and everything to do with those moments where something goes wrong. If you find yourself panicking and going from 1 to 100 in those unexpected moments, almost worrying that the world is ending and the sky is falling in, fear not, Scott has some great advice to help you navigate it better. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Em has been watching A LOT of the Disney film Moana. Like.. A LOT. We’re talking daily viewings and she’s started reading very deeply into some of the hidden meanings she claims are there.. Michael reveals he was once a vegan and that Em is his political Nostradamus. I’m told this will all make sense when you listen, but don’t quote me on that. Comedian and friend of the pod Nazeem Hussain also drops by to tell an AMAZING tale involving his favourite sauce, an internet troll and a pair of PJs. This ep really has everything, are you ready?! YES YOU ARE! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices