The Private School Leader Podcast
Mark Minkus
The Private School Leader Podcast exists to help you go from SURVIVING to THRIVING as you lead your school. Do you ever feel lonely and isolated in your role as a private school leader? Do you wish that you could get back to what really energizes you (making a difference in the lives of your students)? Do you want to have a long AND fulfilling career in private school education? Are you an aspiring Head of School and you want to accelerate your leadership growth? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions then the Private School Leader Podcast is for you!
Your host, Mark Minkus, has been a private school leader for over 30 years. He’s been where you are. He’s been in the hospital with ulcers. He’s had his daughters ask, “Dad, when do we get to see you instead of the back of your laptop?” About 10 years ago, Mark went from surviving to thriving and he is here to help you do the same! You will learn step by step strategies to effectively deal with difficult parents, overcome burnout, change your school’s culture, increase your productivity, improve teacher morale and more! Most importantly, you will learn how to effectively lead your school while still taking care of your mind, body and spirit. Sounds impossible, right? It’s not!
Mark knows how incredibly busy you are. That's why he created a weekly podcast that you can listen to while driving to school, working out or running errands. Think of this podcast as your weekly dose of inspiration, motivation and PD, all while doing something else! If you want to get out of “survival mode” and start thriving at school, then tune in every week to the Private School Leader Podcast!
Your host, Mark Minkus, has been a private school leader for over 30 years. He’s been where you are. He’s been in the hospital with ulcers. He’s had his daughters ask, “Dad, when do we get to see you instead of the back of your laptop?” About 10 years ago, Mark went from surviving to thriving and he is here to help you do the same! You will learn step by step strategies to effectively deal with difficult parents, overcome burnout, change your school’s culture, increase your productivity, improve teacher morale and more! Most importantly, you will learn how to effectively lead your school while still taking care of your mind, body and spirit. Sounds impossible, right? It’s not!
Mark knows how incredibly busy you are. That's why he created a weekly podcast that you can listen to while driving to school, working out or running errands. Think of this podcast as your weekly dose of inspiration, motivation and PD, all while doing something else! If you want to get out of “survival mode” and start thriving at school, then tune in every week to the Private School Leader Podcast!
Episodes
Mentioned books
Feb 8, 2025 • 37min
Episode 121: 3 Reasons Why You Should Start Your Own Instagram Account At School
I want to tell you something about myself. I am not a fan of social media.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I can definitely zone out while scrolling through reels on Instagram.
The algorithm will always keep sending me videos of dachshunds, basketball highlights, drone shots of the boardwalk in Ocean City, NJ and clips of my favorite stand up comedians: Nate Bargatze, Sebastian Maniscalco and Jim Gaffigan.
I’m just not a fan of how social media makes people feel. A lot of comparison is happening when we see others taking that cool vacation, wearing that new outfit, driving that new car, or posting pics of their latest trendy home decor.
Also, everyone is mad about something and the comments section is to be avoided like the plague
So, if I don’t like social media, why am I doing an episode about why you should start a school Instagram account if you don’t already have one?
Well, I will admit that I have my work cut out for me today. But, I feel strongly that this is something really, really important for you to do as a school leader. On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, I am going to give you 3 Reasons Why You Should Start Your Own Instagram Account At School.
Thank you for listening to the podcast every week. You are making a difference in the lives of the students, teachers and parents at your school. I know that what you do is difficult, exhausting and lonely. Your hard work inspires me to keep making weekly content to try to encourage and inspire you as you serve your school.
Thanks for all you do,
Mark Minkus
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode121
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. • • I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So I want to tell you something about myself that you may not know. • • • • And if you've been listening to the podcast for any length of time, and shout out to, uh, those of you that have been listening since the beginning over two years ago, thank you so much. • But, you know, I've talked about myself a little bit and, you know that I have three daughters and that I've been married to my wonderful wife for 34 years and just, you know, love college football and Coke Zero and Thanksgiving dinner and, you know, a couple other things that you might have heard along the way. But something about myself that you may not know is that I am not a fan of social media. • • Not a fan of social media. And now listen, don't get me wrong, I can, I can zone out • while looking at reels on Instagram. And, you know, the algorithm always keeps • • sending me, you know, videos of dash hounds and basketball highlights and drone shots of the boardwalk in Ocean City, New Jersey. And, • and especially my favorite would be, you know, clips of my favorite stand up comedians, which, by the way, are Nate Bargatze, Sebastian Maniscalco and Jim Gaffigan. Um, if you never check their stuff out, highly recommended. But, • uh, you know, my algorithm always wins. It sends me some great stuff. So I'm not, you know, I'm not opposed to zoning out on Instagram, but I'm just not a fan of how • • social media makes people feel. You know, there's a lot of comparison out there that's happening. • You see someone that's got, um, you know, a new car or on a vacation or a new outfit or even at a cool restaurant. And, • • uh, I've even heard of comparison when it comes to home decor and how that makes some people feel bad. • And then on top of that, even worse is, is that everybody's mad about something. You know, the comment section is to be avoided like the plague because • • everyone's going to be, you know, yelling in capital letters and exclamation points. And you get enough of that, • • your subject line when you get an email from a parent. • • • So if I don't like social media, then why am I doing an episode about why you should start • a school Instagram account • if you don't already have one. Well, • • I'll admit I have my work cut out for me today. And I do feel really strongly that this is something really, really important for you to do as a school leader. And I just need you to trust me and settle in and listen. Because on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, I'm going to give you three reasons why you should start your own Instagram account at school. • •
With Parent Academy, you'll go from feeling anxious and stressed to feeling confident
But before we do that, I want to remind you that I've been where you are • • and you're like, well, okay, specifically where, well, • • where is • • • having a parent living rent free in my head when I'm trying to fall asleep • or when I'm at the dinner table or at church or driving to work or taking a shower. And I just, • • I'm consumed with anxious thoughts, • sick to my stomach just thinking about certain parents. I've been there • and, you know, parent issues • used to dominate every single aspect of my work as a private school leader. And I was stressed out all the time and I didn't know what to do and I didn't have a plan, but I had plenty of anxiety and fear and insecurity. • • • • But that's why I created Parent Academy, • • because I want you to have a plan. • • • And with Parent Academy, you will go from feeling anxious and stressed out about working with parents to feeling confident, calm and relaxed. • • Want to hit you with that again. With Parent Academy, you'll go from feeling anxious and stressed • • to feeling confident and calm when you're working with parents. • • • And it's an online digital course where I've taken my 33 years of experience of working with thousands of parents and put together a step by step framework for you to build those effective partnerships and reduce your stress. • • And then I teach your teachers • • • in two 45 minute webinars • how to build effective relationships with teachers. So I'd love for you to find out more. And you can go to the privateooladerleader.com • • /parentacademy • • and I like to give you free things. Uh, everyone loves free things, especially if they're helpful to you as a private school leader because your job is hard enough. • And I want to give you a free resource called the Top 6 Ways to Protect your school from a lawsuit. • • This is a 10 page PDF • that can help you keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. And we know that litigation is expensive and time consuming and it's really, really stressful. • • And this common sense guide can help you be More intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. So you can grab this at the privateschooladerleader.com Ah, lawsuit again. That's a free guide for you called the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit. And that's over at uh, the privatescoolalider.com • • lawsuit. And then one last thing is, is that I do have a couple of coaching spots open right now and I would love to hear more about • you and your school and your biggest problem and want to work with you to help you solve the biggest problem that you're dealing with right now at school. • And so you can check out more about working with me one on one over at the privatescgaleer.com coaching. I'd love to work with you one on one. •
I'm going to give you three reasons why you should start an Instagram account
All right, so before I give you the three reasons • • • • why I think you should start an Instagram account, a school Instagram account for you as the school leader, I want to just tell you quickly about how I use social media. So I started posting to Twitter back in 2012 • • and then I migrated to Instagram and did Instagram and Twitter Starting around 2018 I guess. • And um, • kind um, • of got away from Twitter, but um, um, you know, posted on Instagram, um, um, for starting in 2018, 2019. • But my relationship with social media is a one way relationship. • And if I'm going to recommend you to give you three reasons why you should have an Instagram account, • • I want to make sure that you understand that I'm not talking about • • • you • doing things. That's a two way street. • • I really strongly believe that it needs to be a one way relationship. And what I mean by that is is that my relationship with Instagram is that I post, • • period. • • • Okay. I don't look and see who liked it or how many likes I got or I don't, you know, care about. I don't really follow people or care about following people. I guess at the beginning when I started my account I followed some people. But um, um, • you know, it's a one way relationship. This is me putting something out there. Photos. And we'll get into the what in a few moments. But • • the, • • the KE here for me so that this doesn't become, • • • • uh, a way. I don't want you to use Instagram in a way that is going to suck you in. • • I want you to use Instagram in a way that is going to • • be a positive for you and for your school and for your reputation and your brand and retention and all the other things we're going to talk about in a moment. • • But in my experience, the best way to do that is for it to be a one way relationship. So I'm going to give you three reasons why you should start your own Instagram account at school. And then I'm going to give you a couple of do's and don'ts at the end of the episode. And then finally I'm going to tell you, you know, what my school Instagram account is so you can check it out and just get some ideas • about, you know, what I've been talking about here on this episode.
Having your school Instagram account is good for business and student retention
So let's get into it. The three reasons why you should start your own Instagram account at school. • Reason number one, • it's good for business. • • • Okay, so what do I mean that it's good for business? Again, I'm talking about • having your own personal Instagram account, a school Instagram account, not your private Instagram account. But this is where you're posting • • things that are happening at your school. Things that you see when you're walking around the school, um, um, things at events, things in the hallway, things at the basketball game, things that are going on that are cool when you're walking around and you see pop into classrooms and all these different things and you're just putting that out there and I'll talk about suggestions on how often and you know, all the different things later on. Just don't worry about that right now. Just think about the reasons why this is good. And so reason number one is it's good for business. So • um, I'm going toa give you um, a few ways here, actually four quick ways that it's good for business. • • So having your school Instagram account • • is good for student retention. • And I believe that a key to student retention, uh, is photos of happy kids doing interesting things. • And I'm just going to say it again. I think that our messaging, • • a lot of it boils down to • • • photos of happy kids doing interesting things • • and getting that • into the eyes and the brains of the parents and the grandparents and the donors and the alumni • • • as often as possible. And you know, we'll talk in another episode about what that could look like on your website or in a weekly parent memo or things of that nature. But right now we're talking about your school Instagram account, your personal school Instagram account. • And so • • • • happy kids doing interesting things helps to fill the narrative void and that increases student retention. Because • • especially kids when they become tweens and teens there's a narrative void because when they come home the parents are like well, what'd you do at school today? Nothing. Did you learn anything? No. Did you do anything fun today? Uh, no. And so then day after day after day of that at the dinner table or from the back seat of the car, creates a narrative void. And one of the things that helps to offset that is when the parents are actually seeing photos. These photos are so powerful, • • and the parents are paying a lot of money for this service that we're providing. They want their kids to be happy, and they generally believe that. But this really, really helps with student retention. They need the constant reminders. They, they enjoy that surprise and delight when they see a child, their child, um, doing something interesting, or even a kid that they know from their kid class, or it doesn't even have to be a kid that they know. It just gives them this, this, um. Think about it this way. It is just a constant. • • • Let's say that you're building. You're building a brick, a house made out of bricks, okay? And you're building this beautiful mansion out made out of bricks. • • • Um, if you put one brick or two bricks a day on that, • um, wall, that is the one wall in the mansion, okay, it's going to take a while, it's going to take time, but you're making progress every day. And it's constant. And it's small, but it's constant. And then eventually you're gonna have this beautiful home. • • • You know, I want you to think about it as these little bits of these little bricks, these little things that you're building. You're building a narrative with the parents that our school is fun, the kids are happy, they're doing interesting things, and it's worth it. And when that's what the parents believe, student retention is going to be high. • • So it's good for business because it's also good for teacher retention • • • because if you're out and about, and I'll talk later about, you know, how having your, • • • • • um, Instagram account at school will help you be out and about in the school more often. It'll get you out of your office more, • • • • that you're popping into teachers classrooms, • • and that helps them feel supported, helps them feel seen. And when I'm posting something about, you know, their. They're doing this experiment in science, or they're debating this topic in social studies, or they're reading about this specific, • • • um, author or a poem or this artist in art class, whatever it might be. • • Um, you know, • • several of my teachers follow • • my Instagram, and so if I'm posting stuff that they're doing. Don't you think that that makes them feel supported and feel seen? And it does. And it helps with teacher attention, helps with school culture too. • Another way that it's good for business is with recruitment. • You know, your Instagram is public facing for not just current families, but for prospective families as well. • And you know, they can get a sense of you as a leader. • Are you competent, are you passionate, are you fun, are you warm? You know, and you're like, well, how does that come through? It does, you know, eventually with just the photos that you post and • • • the captions, • • um, • it gives you vibe, it gives, • • you know, it kind of your brand. • Um, and it doesn't have to be complicated. You're not a social media influencer and I'm not trying to turn you into one. I just want it to be that you're out of your office, that you're using this amazing camera that you carry around all day long in your smartphone and that there's a way for you to put out into the world • • what you're seeing. • Because it's super frustrating as a leader when your school feels like the best kept secret in the world and you're keeping the secret from the parents. • • So, um, it's not just about current families, it's not just about teachers, but it's about, you know, potential recruitments, prospective families. And you know, some of your pictures are going toa end up on the website or on the Facebook page for the school or in the parent memo because • • they're going to be good pictures. They're going to be interesting, happy kids doing interesting things. And a lot of my stuff has ended up in a lot of other places in the school. So it's good for recruitment. And then finally the way it's good for businesses is that it's good for fundraising. Because here's the thing, over the years • • that I've been posting, you know, our school goes up to eighth grade and a lot of kids, • • uh, who get to be into middle school, they'll follow me • • and their parents will follow me. And I'll talk later about how once you have this Instagram account, how do parents find out about it? Because, you know, you're sitting there thinking, well, yeah, I hear Mark saying about posting these photos, but like, how do the parents even know so that they can follow me? I'll give, I'll give you that in a little bit. • But my point is that when kids graduate from our school at eighth grade, • • they don't unfollow me. The parents don't Unfollow me. So now these are alumni and alumni parents who I've been posting for a long time, even though our school only goes up to eighth grade. You know, a lot of these kids, they've graduated from, um college. Many of them graduated from high school. Their parents, • • you know, these are now alumni, alumni, parents, • • • and that's where your donors are. And so • • what are we always trying to do? We're trying to keep that connection. What is your college trying to do, for crying out loud? I graduated from • • • Penn uh • State University • • • in 1990, • • • um, • • • • 35 years ago. And I'm still. I still get emails from them about the alumni association. Okay, My point is this. You're trying to get, • • • • • um, parents, uh, graduates, alumni parents, grandparents. You're trying to keep them to have a continued connection to your school, to kind of know what's going on, to kind of feel that nostalgia and that connection, because they're more likely to give. • Well, one of the ways that this connection • • can occur is through Instagram. And I'm telling you, it can lead to goodwill and it can lead to donations. So having your, um, own Instagram account at school • is good for business. • All right? Reason number two is that it's good for you. • It's good for you. • • And the first reason it's good for you is more dopamine. • • So I said, happy kids doing interesting things. • • When you're out and about in the school and you're taking pictures of • • happy kids doing interesting things, you're going to get a dopamine hit and another one, and another one.
Three reasons why you should start your own Instagram account at school
And here's the thing. When I open up my, um, Instagram and I just kind of, like, look back through old photos, it makes me so happy. I'm getting • dopamine hits just thinking about it. And so my point is, is that it's good for you for so many reasons. • • And we'll talk about a couple more here in a second. But • • • • • • our brains are marinating in cortisol, okay? And so we just need to offset a lot of that stress and anxiety and cortisol and fight or flight with some dopamine. • And happy kids doing interesting things • • is going to give you a dopamine hit. You take a picture, you post it on Instagram, you just kind of get into the habit of doing that, and it's going to be more dopamine, less cortisol. • The second reason • why it's good for you is because it's fun. • • • • • • • • You know, school is supposed to be fun, and there are fun things happening at your school. • • And it. The problem is, is that we • • • often • • get so • • tied up • • with the things that we are responsible for and the tyranny of the urgent and everyone else wanting us to adopt their definition of urgent that we don't get out and about much, as much as we would like to. And then • • we're not interacting with the fun parts of our school. • • And so school is supposed to be fun. And when you are posting on Instagram, it's fun. So, for example, you know, kids in the hall on a spirit day, or the sixth graders at the lunch table, whether, you know, at our school, • • • • • um, if it's nice weather, it's out of the picnic tables, or it's. • If it's in the cafeteria, you just walk up. And here's the thing. Tweens and teens, they're always up for a photo to be, you know, and they're gonna mug it up for the camera. That's fine. • • The more that they mug it up for the camera, the more happy and fun that. I mean, they're happy. You're not. This isn't manipulation. This isn't like, okay, smile. And they look miserable. All day long, you see happy kids. • • The parents need to see happy kids • • because when their kid rolls home, • • • • especially if they're a teen or a tween, • • do you think that the expression on that kid's face • • • after a long day of school and maybe a practice or two, um, and then they've got homework to do and blah, blah, blah. Do you think the expression on that kid's face matches what you usually see at school? No. They're two different things. So what is the parent seeing? • • They're seeing • • • • unhappy kid or tired, grumpy kid. And I get it, that's a teenager. That's their job when it comes to their parents. But you're seeing a different kid. How can we help the parents see what their kids look like at school? • • • • I'm telling you, this is the way. And so whether it's kids in the hall, kids, it's a lunch table that are mugging for the camera. Um, • • • • • • building a snowman at recess. Um, • • • • • • • it could be kindergarteners painting a picture, or seventh graders testing out their. The robot that they built in technology class with kids • having fun. • • • And when you're • • around kids having fun, you're having fun. • • So the three reasons why you should start your own Instagram account at school. Number one, • it's good for you. Reason number two, • • it's good for. Excuse me. Reason number one, it's good for business. Reason Number two, it's good for you. And reason number three is it makes you a more visible leader. • •
School leaders often say they wish they had more time at school
So I asked this question • • of my clients, my coaching clients, • • and the question is, you know, fill in the blank. I wish, I really wish that I had more time at school to do blank • • or it's been so long since I did blank, you know, at school. • • And you know, you might want to answer that question yourself. I really wish I had more time to do blank at school. Well, I want to tell you about 90% of the time the answer is the same. • • And they say that they wish that they were, um, able to get into classrooms more or able to get out and about in the school more often. That's about 90% of the time what I hear from coaching clients and what I hear from Thrive Academy students during office hours. • • • And so, • • you know, to further prove that point, you know, episode 95 • • which I'll link in the show notes@the privateschoolleader.com episode 121, • • • • • it's called how to be a more visible leader this year. That's one of the top three downloaded episodes • • out of 121 episodes. Okay. So • people, • • • school leaders that are listening to this podcast, • they want to do that. They're downloading an episode about how to strategically be able to do that more often. Okay. And then another one that was really downloaded a lot is a more recent episode and it's called, um, it's episode 117. It's called there's joy on your campus. It's just not in your office. • • And I want you to think about the inside of your office for a moment. Okay? Just picture it. You know, there's your desk, there's the thing that's hanging on your wall. There's the phone, • there's the computer, there's a chair. You know, just picture your office. Okay, • Now • • • I want you to think about, is there anything that's Instagram worthy in your office? • • • • • • Okay. Like, mhm. Probably not. Okay, so you have to go to the Joy and I'll link episode 117 in the show notes as well. There's joy on your campus, it's just not in your office. You have to go to the Joy and then just take pictures of the joy and post it. I know I'm making it sound easy, but I'm telling you, uh, there will be a little friction when you get started as far as like the how and the when and whatever, but it's, it'll be very, very easy and very intuitive and fun. Once you start doing it, okay, so you got to go to the joy and then photograph the joy and then post it. • • So those are the three reasons.
Every school should have a weekly parent memo, it can be in there
And then before we wrap it up, I just want to give you a couple more things. One is, how will people know • that I have an Instagram account? And then a few do's and don't. Okay, so how are the parents gonna know? So you just decide, let's say after you listen to this episode, okay, I'm going to do it. I'm going to start an Instagram account and I'm going to start posting. • • • • But how can the parents know? All right, so let's say that you have a weekly parent memo. I actually strongly recommend that every school have a weekly communication that, you know, regardless of how fancy it looks, it's. This doesn't have to be super fancy, but something that goes out on the same day at the same time. Um, um, once a week. • • But regardless of whether you have that or not, um, if you have a weekly parent memo, weekly parent email, um, it can be in there. You know, just. Hey, click here to check out, um, • • • miss, uh, so and so. Mr. So and so. Dr. So and so's, um, Instagram page. Okay, so that's one way to kind of announce it. And then it's just kind of there as a regular thing. • • Um, with a. Click here to follow. • Um, add it to your email signature. Um, click here to check out my Instagram. Um, you can. • • • Here's one thing that I do every year, I send welcome Back emails. • • Um, • • • uh, • • • • at my most recent school, I was in charge of fourth through eighth grade. And so every year I would send around the beginning of August, Welcome Back emails. One to fourth grade, one to fifth grade, one to sixth grade. And then at the bottom of that email, I would take screenshots of posts • • those same kids from the year before. • • • And then I would get. So I'm giving the parents some examples. And then, hey, click here to follow me to check out, you know, your kids doing interesting stuff. • • And just put that at the bottom kind of in like a P's. And that's, uh, A lot of parents are clicking and following because they, they want to see, • they want to see what's going on in school, but really what they want to see is their kid. • • Um, so I show the posts in welcome Back emails. • • Um, another is I share the link when I surprise and delight parents. • And so you've heard me talk about this before, that when I warm up my lunch, • • • • that, that takes about six minutes • • and I pull out my camera and I look at my photo gallery for the previous 24 hours. • • • And then I'm sending, you know, • • • three kids are smiling • for the camera at recess from the day before. Okay. So on the BCC line, I put • • the parent email address for those three kids on the subject line, put recess, attach the photo. • But then I'll also just paste my link to my, um, Instagram account in that email. It doesn't take very long. You can get really good at doing it quickly. And it's surprising toight because when I hit send, there's three different • • parents, um, • • maybe six different parents of those three children at work at different places throughout the day. And they're getting this surprise and delight email of their kid really happy at recess. But then it's super easy for them just to click and follow there. So those are just a few examples. There's a lot more, um, ways that you can get it out there. And it doesn't have to be that, • • • • • • that you feel like you have to put it on a billboard on the corner of the busiest intersection in your town. • Um, it will organically grow. • Um, and then you're going to continue to just remind, um, by having it in different places. Okay, so that's how people are going to find out.
Do post lots of pictures and videos of happy kids doing interesting things
And then let's finish up the episode with a few do's and don'ts. Okay. • • Um, and I will list these in the show notes because there's a few of them here and it's kind of might be a little hard to follow. • All right, do • • • • post lots of pictures and videos of happy kids doing interesting things. That's like the seventh time I've said that. Um, • • but • • pictures, little quick videos • of happy kids doing interesting things. Don't post kids that are on the do not photo list. • • So you're going to need to find out, you know, who those are. Um, and then what I do, honestly is, you know, part of it is I try to avoid those photos • • • • photographing those kids or groups of kids when that kid is in it. But I don't just not post if there's a photo that's great and awesome and interesting, but that kid happens to be in it. Um, what I do is I actually go in and put a little sticker, like a smiley face sticker, quote, unquote sticker over that kid's face and then post it. • Um, parents are fine with that. • You're not breaking any rules as far as do not photo. And you're also, then, you know, you don't have to Avoid taking pictures of this certain grade just because this kid is in half the photos. So, • • • • so do post pictures of videos and videos of happy kids doing interesting things. But don't • • post kids that are on the do not photo list. • • Do have a one way relationship with social media. • • Don't follow any current students or parents. Okay, so that's another thing that I really, • • • • • it's not that I try not to do it. I definitely don't follow um, • • • • • • • kids, um, current students. Um, I might follow a kid who graduates after they graduate in Ah, 8th grade, not even when they're in high school, but follow them when they get into college possibly. Um, so, • • • • and I'm not, I'm not following parents. Remember, one way relationship I don't care • • • • about, you know. Well, you followed that, you know, because that's the thing. If you follow this parent, then this other parent over here is going to get mad because you're not following them. So just don't follow anybody. This is a one way relationship. You're just putting that out there for them to see. You're not worried about • • following people because you're not going to go look at their stuff anyways. Okay, • • um, do, • • • um, • • • • • • do regularly post. Okay, so start out with just trying to post once or twice a week. • • • Um, • • over the years I worked up to where I was posting, you know, once a day, five days a week. • • Um, do regularly post. Don't beat yourself up when you are too busy to post. • • • Okay, do regularly post. Don't beat yourself up when you're too busy to post. • • • Do post the occasional MLK Jr. Quote on MLK Day or say Happy Thanksgiving, etc. You know, when it's a holiday, don't feel like you need to post a response to everything. • • • • So my point is, is that if there's like a school shooting or if there's something big going on in the news or you know, once you start posting quote unquote responses, you know, and that's a whole different thing as far as, as a school because if you have a school Instagram page, a school Facebook page, • • you know, more and more schools are just choosing not to respond • to things because they've gotten into this thing where they're responding to everything and no matter what they post, they • • make half the people mad. But • this isn't for that, okay? This is for videos and pictures of happy kids doing interesting things. So don't feel like you need to post responses to things that are happening in the world. If that's something your school feels like you need to do. Then that's on the school's official Instagram or Facebook page. Okay. And then finally, do walk around campus with an eye. For what? To photograph with that amazing camera that you have, • • um, in your smartphone. • • And then don't worry about the quality of the photos. • • • It's a little bit blurry. You know, this kid was running this, but nobody cares. Nobody cares. You don't have to be a photographer. • • • • It's just, again, • • it's fun, it's interesting, it's. Wow, they're really doing that thing. The kids are doing this. I didn't know they had a Thanksgiving • • food, um, • • drive. And I didn't know that they were given speeches and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. It's like, yeah, exactly. All the things the parents didn't know • • • • here and there, now they know. • And so that just leads to so many positives.
Three reasons why you should start your own Instagram at school
Um, and so speaking of the positives, let's just wrap it up by reminding you the three reasons why you should start your own Instagram at school. Your own Instagram account at school. Reason number one, it's good for business. Reason number two, it's good for you. And reason number three, it makes you a more visible leader. • • • And • • with the call to action, I've actually got a couple. Usually I really try to limit it to one, but I'll put these in the show notes. • So call to action. If you don't have a school Instagram account, start one in the next week and make your first post. If you don't have one, start one. • • And if you need help, ask your most tech savvy colleague or teacher. Or if you have a teenager or young adult living at your house, it'll take you like three to five minutes at the most to get your first post out there. • • • Um, and if you are thinking, okay, this is all well and good, • • • • • • • but I'm trapped in my office. I just, I can't get out there. Why even start? I just, I haven't seen a kid in three days. Okay, I get that episode 115 is where the gold is for you on that specific issue. • • • There's joy on your campus, it's just not in your office. And so I'll link that in the show notes. But episode 115, • • listen to it or go back and listen to it again through the lens of having an Instagram account. And then it's so much fun. And then I'd love it, love it, love it if you would email me your link. Um, once you get started, you've got a couple of Posts. • • Um, you know, email me um, with the link to your Instagram. I'd love to see what you're up to. And • • • • um, • • • so again you could email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com
kusmail.com and um, • I mentioned before like well what I was going to give you my um, Instagram. I'll link it in the show notes but it's um, @markminkuscds . • • • • Um • • and so I know that's a lot but I'll take good care of you in the show notes. • Um, just one last thing again if you would please • • um, • remember to give uh, or to send or forward this link to another leader in your life, another leader at school. • • A uh, quick reminder about Parent academy, this online digital course. That's your step by step framework • • for building effective partnerships, reducing your stress. • • And again the best part, probably the best part I think it is, is Parent Academy comes with two 45 minute webinar trainings for your teachers with a 27 page printable workbook and guided notes and discussion questions and teacher resources that you can use with them. Um, at a PD you can onboard new teachers with it in the future. You get lifetime access to that. • • Check it out@the privatescgalutr.com parent acacademy and then real quick another free gift. The seven strategies to effectively deal with difficult teachers. • I want to help you with that. If you've got a couple difficult teachers to deal with, • • • how are you going to improve their performance? How you going to improve their attitude? Allgh, let me give you a free guide and help you with that. The privatescgler.com difficult is where you're going to grab for free the seven strategies to deal with effective. • • Excuse me. To deal with difficult teachers. So um, • • • this has been awesome. I uh, love posting on Instagram. It's so much fun. Um, • • check mine out at Mark Minka CDS to give you a couple of ideas • • and you know • • • I just ah, again I think it's good for you. I've enjoyed it so much and obviously I'm passionate about it but there are some good reasons to do it and um, I hope that you'll um, take me up on that and do that and so let's wrap it up.
Mark Minkus: Thank you for joining me today on Private School Leader podcast
I've been your host, Mark Minkus. I appreciate you so much and all the hard work that you're doing for those lucky kids and teachers at your school. Thank you for taking some time out of your precious, precious time that your uh, • time out of your week to join me here today. And I'LL see you next time right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
Feb 1, 2025 • 37min
Episode 120: It May Be Time For You To Consider A Continuous Enrollment Model
“Enrollment Season”
Two words that can stir up a variety of emotions in nearly every private school leader. Enrollment season can cause you to feel stress, anxiety and uncertainty. You might be thinking “here we go again” and that is going to be a real grind.
According to Independent School Management, 30–40% of private schools are currently using a continuous enrollment model or are working toward implementing this approach in the near future.
For 31 years, I was used to a very traditional model: send out enrollment contracts, remind families of the deadline, start making phone calls when the deadline has passed, etc. But, two years ago, my most recent school switched to a continuous enrollment model and it has been a real game-changer.
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, I want you to know that It May Be Time For You To Consider A Continuous Enrollment Model.
I know that you are super busy, so be sure to listen while you are doing something else. I hope that you will get value from this episode as you serve and lead your school community. Thank you for taking some time out of your day to listen to the podcast!
Thanks for making a difference,
Mark Minkus
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode120
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and, uh, not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • So I want to start today's episode by saying two words • • that will cause you to feel a certain way. • • • • And I'm not sure exactly how they're going to make you feel, • but I'm going to sayve them and then ask you a question. • •
About 30 to 40% of independent and private schools use a continuous enrollment model
So ready. Here are the two words. • • • Enrollment season. • • • • • • • Enrollment season. • • • • So does that cause • joy and happiness and excitement and, • • • • well, or • • • • • does it cause stress and anxiety and uncertainty and thinking about a grind and thinking, here we go again, and chasing down families and not being sure who's coming back and, • • you know, what emotions • • • come from the two words enrollment season • • • for you. • • • • Well, if you're listening to this in real time, • • • • we're right around the end of January, beginning of February, • • • • and I've been talking to my coaching clients, and I'll tell you when I ask them the question, what's taking up the most headspace, • • • • really, since winter break, and even the week before winter break, • • almost all of them have said, well, it's enrollment season coming up. So dot, dot, dot. • • • • • I'd, um, • say probably about 80% of my clients that that's the answer to that question. • • • And, you know, for me, for 31 years, • • • • • I • • • was at a school where we had a traditional, • • quote, unquote, traditional, um, enrollment season where, you know, you send out enrollment contracts • • and then you, um, um, you know, remind families of the deadline and you start making phone calls and you send reminders, and when the deadline has passed, then you • • • • • chase down families and, and you meet with the • director of enrollment and go over a long list of kids whose parents have not yet re registered for the fall. And, you know, the. Do you know of anything that's going on with this family, why they might not be coming back? Is it that they're just disorganized, so on and so forth? • • • So that was my experience for 31 years. But at my most recent school, • • um, two years ago, • • • • the school switched to a continuous enrollment model. • • • And several of my coaching clients have also switched to this model, some in recent years, and some have been doing it for • • eight, maybe 10 years. • • • • And so I'm not sure • • • • where you're at on this Issue. I know that ISM • • says that about 30 to 40% of independent and private schools in America are using, uh, a continuous enrollment model or are working towards implementing this approach in the near future. • • So 30 to 40%. • • • • But if you're in that 30 to 40% and you're already • • using a continuous enrollment model, I still want you to stick around and I'll tell you why in a few minutes. So on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, • • I want you to consider that it may be time for you • • to consider a continuous enrollment model. • • •
I want to give you a free resource on improving teacher morale
All right, before we jump into that, I just want to remind you of a couple things real quick and then give you a free gift. • • So first of all, um, I do have a couple of, uh, coaching openings right now. Um, I'd love to work with you one on one and help you solve your biggest problem. I'd love to hear more about what's your biggest problem. And you can learn more about that@the privatescooluter.com coaching. And also a couple weeks ago, I launched a brand new digital course called Parent Academy. • • And Parent Academy is your step by step framework for building effective partnerships with parents while reducing your stress and anxiety. • • • And, • • um, it's an online digital course and there's four modules and you'll learn how to do all the things that you are stressed about and have better meetings and understand why they are the way that they are and how to work with certain kinds of parents and outliers and all those kinds of things. I'll teach you that. But then • • I'm going to teach this step by step framework to your teachers. • • • Because Parent Academy also comes with two 45 minute webinar trainings • for your teachers with a 27 page printable notebook and guided notes and discussion questions. And just think, you could use that at a pd. You could use that for onboarding in the future for new hires. • • Um, • • it's really been a game changer. I mean, there's been a lot of interest in that since it's launched and a lot of, uh, leaders out there that are pretty excited about it. So I'd love for you to get involved and you can just check that out@the privatescoolr.com parentacademy • and then one last thing, I want to give you a free resource. • • • • I just want to say thank you for listening to the podcast. This is episode 120. It's hard to believe that, um, we have 120 episodes that we've, you know, I've been talking to you and You've been showing up and listening. And I just want to say thank you so much. And I hope that these episodes have been helpful to you. And as a way to say thank you, I want to give you this guide. It's called 7 Secrets to Improving Teacher Morale. And I think as leaders, we're always looking for ways to improve teacher morale, but it's kind of hard to quantify and it's kind of hard to know where to start. Well, I want to give you a step by step plan, and you can grab that@the privatehoolleade leader.com morale. That's the seven secrets to improving teacher morale. That's free for you. Just go to the privateschooler.com morale. •
This episode will give you six pros and six cons to using a continuous enrollment model
All right, so it may be time for you to consider a continuous enrollment model. • • • And what we're going to do on this episode is, first of all, define a continuous enrollment model. Then I'm going to give you six pros and six cons to using a continuous enrollment model and then give you some next steps. Now, I said a minute ago that if you're already using this at your school, you know, you should stick around. Well. Well, why, if you're already using it well, why should I listen to an episode that's telling me maybe I should consider using it? Well, here's the thing. When we go through the six pros and the six cons, • I would love for you to think about, okay, the six pros are these things that are still are these things that are happening at my school, • or do we need to really double down on that and optimize that part of it? And then the six cons • are these things that we're unfortunately letting slip or that are problem areas for us. And what can we do to fix that? So I really think this episode is for everybody. • • • It's for school leaders that don't have a continuous enrollment model at their school to consider it, but it's also for leaders that have one to check in • with the process and see if it needs to be improved. • •
If you're considering a continuous enrollment model, you have to start somewhere
So hopefully I've convinced you and let's get into it. So • • the timing of this episode is really intentional. You know, I told you, if you're listening in real time, it's the end of January, beginning of February. • • And that's because, you know're many schools are into their enrollment season, and if you are going to consider a, uh, continuous enrollment model, you're not just going to all of a sudden decide to do that. It's going to take time. You need a Runway. And so if it's, you know, if you're hearing this in, you know, real time in early February, then you know, you're about 11 to 12 months out, um, from • • next year's re enrollment season. • And so it is a feasible timeline • • and you have to start somewhere. And maybe it's that you start talking about it with your, • um, with other leaders, with the, um, leadership team at your school, or maybe with your board president, if you are the whole leadership team. • Um, • maybe it's something that you start to ask, um, a couple of leaders in your geographic area that use a continuous enrollment model and ask them, well, what do you think about that? You have to start somewhere. And so I'm not saying that this is going to be easy. I'm just saying that if you're going to ever do it, • you have to start at some point. And what I want to do, honestly with this episode is just really stimulate your thinking about it and then you decide what action that you want to take. • • So let's start by defining it. What is the continuous enrollment model? Okay, so rather than opt in, re enrollment, which is the traditional model • • • where all parents or guardians sign new contracts and enroll their children every year, • • • continuous enrollment is an opt out process. • • So instead of every year asking your families to opt in, • • you're going to ask your families once • • • to opt in and then they have to opt out. • • • And so this model assumes that once a student is enrolled in your school, they're going to continue attending • • until graduation unless the family opts out or requests to withdraw, • • let's say partway through a school year that, you know, the one parent has to move to another state for their job or things of that nature. • • But the idea is, is that they're in until they tell us that they want out. • • And enrollment contracts are typically rolling and the school checks in with families to confirm or update details each year. And of course there's communication about it and there's reminders about, you know, when it's going to happen. And here's the deadline if you do want to opt out. • But • • • it you're in until you're out. And many colleges and universities have been using this model for decades. • • And it's something that's a little newer, maybe the last 20 years, that's grown in popularity, especially maybe the last 10 years in a lot of private and independent schools. • • And you know, this business model is becoming much more common, um, in North America. If you think about Netflix or hello Fresh or Amazon prime or Walmart, plus, you know, you Sign up once, and then that, um, subscription fee comes out, uh, once a month. • And so • • • • • that's the definition.
Six pros and six cons of the continuous enrollment model
And so now what I want to get into are six pros and six cons that will help again stimulate your thinking about the continuous enrollment model. • • All right, Pro number one is increased retention. • • • So the sample size is growing for schools that have been using this. • And the data is growing. • • And • • the data is showing • increased retention rates for over schools • • when they compare for schools when they compare, • • • • • um, their retention rates • • using the continuous enrollment model versus using the re register every year model. • So increased retention and one of the reasons is the psychology behind • the continuous enrollment model and how it reduces friction for parents. So instead of • every year being a decision year and every January and February being a decision year, we want to, you know, get out of that mindset and, and have it be that my kid is here • and that the only decision year is when your school, when they graduate from your school, whether that's in 6th grade or 8th grade or 12th grade. Where are they going to go, you know, after your. They age out of your school. • And so • • • • that is one of the, um, continuing to emerge is the amount of data to support that. But the data that is available is showing increased retention • • because they're in and we're not asking them every year, hey, are you still in? • Um, they are speaking up to say I'm out. • • • Okay. Pro number two, • • • earlier confidence in enrollment numbers. • • And when I spoke to some of the • • • • directors of enrollment, you, you know, at my most recent school and also at a couple of other schools, um, in, I'm thinking Pennsylvania, California and Arkansas immediately come to mind. So kind of, you know, all over that this was something that was big. Um, when I was asking those questions that you've got earlier confidence in your enrollment numbers. And we know that those enrollment numbers drive some pretty big decisions. And so, you know, it's about the budget. Um, you know, how many teachers do we need, um, or how much fundraising do we need to have for next school year? Can we proceed with buying that • van the. For, you know, that, • uh, to drive the kids around or can we proceed with this or that? You know, a lot of times • • • as school leaders were kind of waiting around on families who, let's face it, • • they, they blow right past the stop sign that is the deadline and they haven't re enrolled. And then we're pursuing, pursuing, pursuing, asking, nagging, ning, all the words. • • And we're not really sure, you know, uh, we have a lot of in undecided or we Think so. And, you know, how many different categories have you seen when you're looking at families who haven't re enrolled past the stated deadline? • • Um, • you know, this continuous enrollment model really lets you know, and it lets you know earlier. • • And that leads me to pro number three. Pro number three is, you know, way earlier if someone is considering leaving. • • And so you have a longer Runway to work with them, to retain them. And so we've all been there where • • • if you have a family • • • who doesn't re register, • and maybe, you know, there's a wide range of reasons, maybe they haven't been that happy. • Um, • you know, maybe they're not sure if they can still afford it. Maybe they're thinking about moving, • um, to a different school district where the • • • school system is better, quote, unquote, you know, all of the things, okay? • • And • • they're not sure. • • • • And so then we wait until they decide. • • And sometimes • • • they're deciding this in May or June. And not only is that a problem because of what I just mentioned about budgeting and forecasts and staffing needs and all that, but really it's a problem because you don't have a chance • • to work with them, to try to retain them and try to solve the problem, • • because it's already a done deal. You know, the school year's almost over. They've already decided. They've already toured the other school, whatever. Okay? I'm not saying you're going to keep every single family if you go to the continuous enrollment model. But what I am saying is that they're put on the spot • • • with a financial pinch that is real. If they • • • don't speak up, you know, and their deposit is withdrawn from their account through facts or however your school will set it up, • • • you know, they're going to speak up • and they're going to say, well, we're not sure. Um, I'm not comfortable, you know, with that. And so I want to opt out right now and maybe'blah, blah, blah. Okay, fine. • • • • But then you can get busy with that family and be like, hey, you want to come in and talk? You know, I just want to hear kind of what's going on. And, you know, is there something that we can do to help? And I'm not saying that you're going to fix them all, but I'm saying that if you have a longer Runway than you used to have, it's going to make a difference. Okay.
Continuous enrollment can eliminate a lot of paperwork for families
All right, then, pro number four, a more focused and less stressed enrollment team. • • So this is another big thing that I heard from the Directors of enrollment that I spoke with preparing for this episode is that you know how much stress you go through, and I know that I'm talking to leaders that have all different sizes of teams. • • Some of your schools, you are the whole team. You're the enrollment director, • • • • the development director, and admissions and fundraising and all the things. Okay, but some schools have a small team or some schools have a larger team. But regardless, • • • enrollment season • • • • causes a lot of stress • • on a lot of people and it's a lot of work. • • And so • • • • if you think about it, • • you know, people that I talked to, they told me that they actually have more bandwidth for recruitment • • because they're not • • spending so much time on chasing down contracts • • and sending the reminder emails and more likely spending time on the phone and calling people and getting voicemail and all of those things. • • When there's a deadline that has passed, when people have to opt in and return that signed enrollment contract, • • • • • that if with a continuous enrollment model, • • there are emails that are planned that go out to remind • • people of the policy. We're not doing anything in secret, we're not doing anything unethically, • • • • but boy does it open up the schedule and open up the hours for your enrollment team at that time of year. • • • And so it's something to consider. • • And especially if you're a one person show or a two person show, • • you know, if this could lower the • stress, lower the total • amount of work every single year, every single year, • • • • • then you, • you're also not having all of those meetings. You know, I used to sit in a lot of meetings and they were necessary meetings where, you know, probably at least once a month. And then maybe it got even more frequent than that where I was sitting down with the director of enrollment and the head of school and going through all the kids who were in my division • whose families had not yet re registered them. And hey, you know, Mark, is there anything going on with this family that I need to know about, like those kinds of things? You're not having those meetings either. And so a more focused and less stressed enrollment team. • And then pro number five is a simplified re enrollment process for families. Here's the thing, • • • • • • • There's a lot of businesses out there that are competing for • the dollars that we spend. • • • And a lot of them, um, pretty much offer the same kind of • • • • products or services. And the thing that sets • • businesses apart • • is how simple is it, how stress free is it to buy the thing, • to buy the product, to buy the service. • • • That's what people are looking for, is ease. • • • And • • if there's less paperwork and fewer deadlines for families. • • • They like that because it's simplified. Okay. And that's what they're becoming more and more used to in their daily lives, is that companies are climbing over each other to try to simplify • the process to make it simple for you to do business with them. Well, let's not be the one outlier that's got all the paperwork and the deadlines and the forms. And which form am I supposed to turn in by which date? We want to reduce that friction. And continuous enrollment can eliminate a lot of paperwork for families because they need to sign a contract once • • • and they don't really have to worry about deadlines unless they're opting out. • • • And so, • • • • • um, I just want to add that some continuous enrollment model schools • • • make payment deadlines more flexible and allow parents to pay their RE enrollment fees over the course of a couple of months. • • And what I'm getting at there is that sometimes it's a big pinch for families • • • in January, February, they're still maybe trying to pay off some credit cards from the holiday season, • • um, that, you know, if you're set up with facts or something similar, you know, it's not a big leap to be able to whatever that RE enrollment fee is • • instead of it being due at the time of, you know, the RE enrollment contract, • that it could just be spread out • • and then it's not as big of a pinch. And so again, that's just less friction and it's a simplified process for the families.
If you're deciding to do, to pivot to a continuous enrollment model
And that brings us to pro number six, • • and that is that families are very used to doing business this way. Um, I mentioned before, Netflix, helloRessh, Amazon Prime, Walmart, plus Dollar Shave Club. There's • an endless list. • • • And you know, families are very used to sign up, set it and forget it kind of, um, way of doing business. • • And I want you to think about your younger parents. • • • The parents are getting younger all the time. • • You know, as leaders, we. Depending on your age. I'm 57, you know, and I see some of the parents of younger students in the school and think, wow, you know, they look really young. And that's just because I'm getting older. But my point is this. • • The younger parents in the school, this is, they don't really know • • the previous way, the previous model of doing business. • They know the subscription, • • • • sign um • up once and you have to opt out way of doing business. That's very common for • • • families that are, um, becoming more • • the generation of digital natives. They don't want the fuss, they don't want the hassle. And so pro number six is that families are very used to doing business this way. • • So then that brings us to the six cons. • • So con number one, • • the first year is a heavy lift for the enrollment team and the head of school. • • • • • So if you're deciding to do, to pivot to a continuous enrollment model, it's not like • you can just, • • you know, buy a piece of software and • • • load it onto your computer and • • it's over, it's done. You know, there's going to be meetings, there's going to be reviewing enrollment contracts, there's going to be looking at language, there's going to be working with the company that perhaps it's the company that's doing your um, you know, your • • • monthly • • um, tuition, whether it's facts or a similar company, • um, and many of them now, you know, they're the ones that there's an expansion to that or it's something that is your overarching, um, software management system, um, enrollment management system and hopefully. And then, you know, that's another um, con that we're going to get to in a moment is about the interface between your existing system and this. But • • the point is, is that it's going to be a heavy lift. I don't want to try and persuade you that oh, this is like falling off a log. It's super easy. Um, I mean there's going to be people out there to guide you. But here's the thing, • • • it's a heavy lift. But every single person that I spoke to • • said that it was so worth it and that you get that time back • • starting the first year that it you, your first enrollment season when you're using the continuous enrollment model and then every year after that. So on the one hand, con number one is the first year is a heavy lift. • • • • But I am hearing that everyone is saying that has done it, is that it was worth it, they like it, and that you get that time back in the future.
Con number two is communicating with families and creating a mindset shift
All right, • con number two, part of the heavy lift is communicating with families and creating a mindset shift. So • • • one um, director of enrollment um, in Pennsylvania told me that year one is a teaching year. • • • And so • • um, that makes sense. And you change is hard for most people, even if the outcome is going to be really awesome. • • Um, I had head of school in Arkansas, he told me communicate early • • and often, um, • • • when you're making this change and you know, just think about over time how resistant people have been to advancements in technology. You know, when they invented the car, all the people that • • • drove horse drawn carriages were Pretty upset. And you know, just go on down through history with new. The resistance that was put up to new types of technology and now we're getting some of that with AI, • • • there's going to be some resistance and some discomfort from the families because they're used to doing it one way. But that's your job as the head of school, as the division leader, or to guide your enrollment team when it comes to the communication of the family. So early and often and clear would be the best advice. • • • • Um, • • excuse me. Con number three is extra work for canceled contracts. • • What I am hearing also is, is that if you choose to implement a continuous enrollment model, that some families • • • • may decide to leave prior to the next school year. And so there's going to be a refund policy in there and then you're going to have to • • • • refund a certain percentage or a certain amount and there's credit cards involved in things of that nature. • • And you that's going to cause some additional work and maybe some a learning curve for your business office. And maybe you are the business office. I get it that I'm talking to leaders at small schools, all the way up to leaders at big schools when I put out an episode. But you're applying it to your situation. And so, um, • you canceling contracts, • • that turns into more work. But I'll tell you this, • • people leave during the school year anyways. And if you're not using a continuous enrollment model and then you're still dealing with parts of this, it might just be a little bit less, • • um, • • • confusing. So, um, • • con number three is extra work for cancele contracts. Con number four • • • is losing focus on telling your story. So let me tell you what I mean by that. • • Um, you know, I always say that the key to retention is treating every family like a new family. • • And I have heard. And then also in the articles that I read for this episode, which by the way, • I'm going to take good care of you in the show notes as usual. • • Um, the privatescglutr.com episode 120, • • I have four or five articles there for you. • Um, • • pros and cons type articles from different, um, reliable sources for you to just continue to learn and stimulate your thinking on this. • But in reading those articles and talking to different people, different clients, • • people at different schools, • • um, you know, • • • • there's the risk that some complacency will set in when it comes to families opting in once and then they're just there. And what we certainly don't want to do is if they set it and forget it. We don't want to set it and forget them. And so • • • m telling our story, often in many different places. Why our school is special. The storytelling, the • • images of happy kids doing interesting things on the website and the weekly newsletter and all of those things. What we don't want is • • for families to feel like • • they are um, • not appreciated, to feel like it's a done deal with them, to feel like they're taken for granted. • • And we don't want that either. And so my point though is that sometimes • there could be some of that complacency that could slip in with, • • • with um, • • this enrollment model of continuous enrollment. • •
Making sure that you are in compliance with state laws is important
And that brings us to, to con number five, • which is making sure that you are in compliance with state laws. • • I'll only spend a minute on this one. • Um, in the show notes, I have a guide for you that is just a kind of a quick link, • • um, • for each of the 50 states with some things about compliance. • • • The company that you work with • • will obviously help you with this. But different states have different laws when it comes to these types of opt in • • • • • once, but then you have to opt out type contracts. As far as like how many years is it in place? So for instance, if someone enrolls in your state as a first grader, I mean do you have to do x, y or z ever? Or is it every three years or five years or when they're, you know, whatever. So • it's, it's something that's an additional step. • • Um, • but once you know it, you'll know it. And like I said, the company that you work with, the advice that you get, um, will help you with that.
Step one is to get some automatic withdrawal set up at your school
And then that brings us to con number six. • • And that's technology fit and distribution of tasks. And so • • facts or a, ah, reasonable • • facsimile to it. Um, something like it, you know, you're automatic withdrawal. • • Um, and if you're not doing that and you're still having people mail you checks, which I know there's some schools out there that are still doing that, um, • • you know, again, maybe this episode is going to spur you into step one, • • • which is to get some automatic withdrawal set up at your school. And then step two further down the road would be the continuous enrollment model. But I know that most schools, • um, listening already have that in place. • • • So this has to work with • • your system that's already in place. • • And then you also have to provide clarity for your enrollment team and your finance team as far as who's doing what. And this maybe the busy season for the finance team was later in the spring, but now it's going to move up to • • • late, um, • winter instead of spring. Um, and just so that we're not duplicating tasks or the tasks are being, um, • • dropped and left undone, is that there's going to need to be a lot of communication surrounding this new way of doing things. • Timing, responsibilities, • things of that nature. Okay, so what are the next steps then? Um, you know, if re really all I want you to do is to start thinking about this. • Um, you know, so read the resources in the show notes • at the private school leader do. Com episode one and 20 zeros • • • and maybe talk to one or two other leaders in your geographic area or someone that you met at a conference and ask them, are you using the continuous enrollment model? How long have you been doing it? Do you like it? And if you don't know what leaders in your area are doing, maybe reach out to your, • • um, school leadership organization, whether it's N's or ACSI or PRISMA or NCEA or CSI or others that are out there. Um, and they could probably guide you in the direction of, well, why don't you talk to this person and this person? And so again, just maybe getting more educated by reading some of the resources in the show notes and talk to another leader or two at another school that's using it and pick their brain • • and maybe you decide to go in this direction. I just want to stimulate your thinking. • • Um, so what are the big takeaways from today's episode? Well, the continuous enrollment model is rather than an opt out re enrollment • • where all parents and guardians must sign new contracts to enroll their kids every single school year. • • • • • • • It is an opt out process. So rather than opt in annually, • • • it's opt in once and then you have to opt out when you decide that you want to leave the school. • And this model assumes your kid is enrolled • and that they'll continue attending until graduation • • unless that family opts out or requests to withdraw. So that's what it is. • • • 6 Pro • increased retention, • • • earlier confidence in enrollment numbers, • • • you know, way earlier if someone is thinking about leaving • a more focused and less stressed enrollment team. • • • Simplified RE enrollment process for families. • • And many families are used to doing business this way. And then six cons. The first year is a heavy lift for the enrollment team and the head of school. • • Part of the heavy lift is communicating with families and creating a mindset shift. • • Number three, extra work for canceled contracts. Number four, losing focus on telling your story and complacency setting in. • Number five, making sure you're in compliance with state laws. And con number six is the technology fit and distribution of tasks. • • And your call to action, I've kind of mentioned it twice now, is really to just take a look at some of the resources in the show notes and maybe reach out to one or two other leaders that are using the continuous enrollment model and just talk to them for 15 or 20 minutes and ask them, what do you think? • • • So let's wrap it up.
Mark Minkus: I created Parent Academy to help private school leaders
I want to just remind you about something that's very, very, um, important, something that takes up a lot of headspace, and that is that, you know, you might have a parent living rent free in your head right now • • • • and they might be living there 24, 7. And then it's hard to get them out of your head when you're trying to fall asleep or you're at the dinner table or even driving to work or in the shower. • • And trust me, I've been where you are. I used to get super anxious and sick to my stomach just thinking about talking to certain parents. • • And parent issues dominated every aspect of my work as a private school leader. And I was stressed out all the time and I didn't know what to do and I didn't have a plan. And all I had was a lot of anxiety and fear and insecurity. • • But that's why I created Parent Academy for you, because I want you to have a plan. I want you to go from feeling anxious and stressed out about working with parents to feeling confident, calm and relaxed. • • And so I want you to check out Parent Academy, this digital online course that's a step by step framework for you, but it's also got those two webinars where then I can teach your, uh, teachers. • • So you can check that out@the privatealutr.com parentacademy and then one more free resource for you. This one's called the six Things that Every Private School Teacher Wants from Their Leader. This guide is a six page PDF that will be a game changer for you. And I guarantee that if you do these six things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can grab that at the privatescchoolade leader.com guide. The six things every private School Teacher Wants from their leader@thePR • privatehoolleader.com guide. • • And one last request, • • if you've gotten value from this podcast, • • I would love it if you would just please share the link to the podcast with another leader in your life, • • another leader at school or someone you met at a conference or anybody that you know that's in Private School leadership. Just share the link with them. And then I also believe that you have a good eye for a rising leader in your school. Who's that rising leader that is showing that potential? Send them the link to the podcast as well, and maybe you can be the one to help spur them on to filling what will in the future be many openings in private school leadership. So I would just really appreciate it if you would share the link with other leaders in your life and rising leaders at your school. • And I've been your host, Mark Minkus. I just appreciate you so much and all the amazing work that you're doing at your school. Thank you for taking some of your precious time to join me here today. And I'll see you next time right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
Jan 25, 2025 • 38min
Episode 119: Reminding Your Parents That Attendance Is A Privilege And Not A Right
We’ve all been there.
A parent is in your office and they are complaining about the school’s policies for detention or dress code or sports eligibility or the grading scale, etc, etc……..
It can get really frustrating when the school policy is in black and white in your handbook and the parent doesn’t think that these rules should apply to their child. It gets even worse when you are discussing a suspension from school or from the basketball team.
I think that part of the reason that they act this way is because they are confused.
They think that attendance at your school is a right. But attendance at your school is not a right. It’s a privilege.
Are we just going to throw up our hands in frustration and give up? Of course not. We are going to take action On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to talk about Reminding Your Parents That Attendance Is A Privilege And Not A Right.
Thank you for listening to the podcast every week. You are making a difference in the lives of the students, teachers and parents at your school. I know that what you do is difficult, exhausting and lonely. Your hard work inspires me to keep making weekly content to try to encourage and inspire you as you serve your school.
Thanks for all you do,
Mark Minkus
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode119
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, • where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. • I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So we've all been there, • • and we've all had that moment when a parent walks into your office • and they're upset about their child, and • they're upset about the way that the school is trying to enforce clearly stated policies, • • • and they're just acting like none of the rules apply to their kid • • and that their child is entitled to • • • attend your school no matter what. • • • • And • • I think that part of the reason that they act this way is because they're confused. • • • • And they're confused because they think that attending your school is a right. • • • • • • Well, it's not a right. Attending your school is a privilege. • • • So then are we just going to throw up our hands and say, well, that's just how that parent is. And, uh, then we cave into their • demands, and then we're just frustrated and then complain about them to our • • family when we get home? Is that what we're going to do? • • • • No, • • • we're going to • take action. • • And on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, • • we are going to talk about reminding your parents • • that attendance is a privilege • and not a right. • • • • But before we jump into that, I want to just • • pause and tell you that • I've been where you are right now. • • • And • • • • I used to have parents at my school • • that lived rent free in my head 24 7. And when I was trying to fall asleep or at the dinner table or driving to work or in the shower, and parents are just in my head. And I used to get super anxious and even, you know, sick to my stomach just even thinking about talking to certain parents. • • And honestly, parent issues just dominated every aspect of my work as a private school leader. And I was stressed out most of the time. • • • Uh, and I didn't know what to do, and I didn't have a plan. • • • But what I did have was anxiety and fear and insecurity. • • • • • Well, that's why I created Parent Academy, because I want you to have a plan. • And with Parent Academy, you will go from feeling anxious and stressed • • about working with parents to feeling confident, calm, • and relaxed. • • • • I want to say that one more time with Parent Academy, you will go from feeling anxious and stressed • • about working with parents to feeling confident, calm and relaxed. • • • And Parent Academy is an online digital course • that is your step by step framework for building effective partnerships with parents while reducing your stress and anxiety. • • And after I teach you these strategies, then I'm going to teach your teachers because there's two 45 minute webinars with guided notes that you can use at a PD with your teachers at your school. • • • • And so I want you to check this out and you can go over to the privatescger.com parentacademy to learn more • about this new course and how it can help the parents that are living rent free in your head • • move out. It's time for them to move out.
7 Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers is a free PDF
So • • privatehoolader.com parent parentacademy and then I want to give you a free gift just to say thank you for listening to the podcast. And this One is a PDF called 7 Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers. • You know, and sometimes we need some courage and some confidence to deal with difficult teachers. • And, you know, we need a plan. I think that all good teachers have a lesson plan. All good coaching coaches have a game plan. • • And I want to give you a plan when it comes to working • with your. • • • • Maybe it's only a couple teachers or one teacher that's difficult, but I want you to have a step by step plan that you can use • • to help them improve their, uh, performance and improve their attitude. And so if you go to the privatescgaler.com difficult, you can grab this free guide. And again, it's called seven Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers. And it's just one small way that I can say thank you for taking • time out of your busy schedule to listen to the podcast. • • •
Attendance at your school is a privilege and not a right
So at the top of the episode, I said that I want to talk about how we're going to remind our parents that attendance at your school is a privilege and not a right. • • And so the first thing that we're going to do is to compare and contrast • • rights and privileges. Just get a couple definitions out of the way • • and then talk and give a few examples about how attendance at your school is a privilege. And then I'm going to give you seven strategies that will help you remind your parents • that attendance is a privilege and not a right. • • • • So first of all, let's talk about rights and privileges. So just by definition, a right is something that is legally guaranteed. • • • • • And you know, in most cases, • • a right is something that society as a whole • • • agrees upon. • • • And it's also something that cannot easily be taken away. So for example, • • in the United States, there's a right to free public education. And that's guaranteed for all children under the age of 18 years old, regardless of their, • uh, their behavior, their academic performance or anything. Kids in America have a right to free public education. That's a right that cannot be easily taken away. And • • we agree as a society that that's important, and it's a right that is legally guaranteed. • • • But on the other hand, a privilege • • • • • • is a special benefit • • or advantage • • that's granted under certain conditions and can be revoked. So again, I'm just trying to change your mindset, because I think that sometimes we think that once a kid is in our school, that they're just there forever, and we just have to put up with whatever the kid does and with whatever the parent does. • • And I know I'm speaking in extremes right now, but sometimes that's how we think. • • And so a student being at your school is a privilege. It's not a right. • • • And privileges are not guaranteed by law. And • • they can be removed based on. Based on our actions • • • or our performance or special circumstances. And so let me give you an example. • So let's say that I'm driving my car • • through a neighborhood where the speed limit is 25 miles per hour, and I'm going 55. And so I get a ticket. And then a week later, I'm doing the same thing, and I'm driving 55, and I get another ticket. • Well, sooner or later, if I get enough tickets, they're gonna revoke my. • • • Excuse me, They'renna Revoke my license. • • • And • • • • having a driver's license • is a privilege. • • It's not a right. It is a privilege • • that's a special benefit that's granted under certain conditions and can be revoked. So I passed my driver's test when I was 16. • • I got a driver's license. You know, every four years I have to renew it, um, so on and so forth. But • • it is a privilege • • that could be taken away • • based on my behavior. • • • • And even though kids in the United States are guaranteed access to public education, • • • they are not guaranteed • • • • to an education at your private school. That is not a legal right. That is a privilege. • • And it's an opportunity. And it's wonderful, and it's amazing. And again, I, uh, want to acknowledge that not many people in America on a percentage basis can afford that. • • But • we have to get clear on this. • • • • It's an opportunity that you're providing as a school, and it can be taken away • • if certain conditions aren't met or because of behavior or something like that.
Attendance at your school is a privilege and not a right
And so I want to talk for another minute now about how • • attendance at your school is a privilege. • • • So, you know, we talk about • • • • • privilege, um, • • and responsibility • • • and how as long as you fulfill your responsibility, you get to keep the privilege. You know, that's something that you learned when you were a kid at your house, you know, if you had chores • • and um, um, you • • had, you know, some sort of privilege like watching TV or • • • • • going, um, • out with your friends or riding your bike or something that mattered to you, • • • that as long as you fulfilled your responsibilities in the home, then you got to keep those privileges. • • • • And once you started • • to, • • you know, mess up or not do the thing or to get into trouble at school or get in trouble with the, that police or whatever the case might have been when you were a kid, • • then those privileges were taken away. And so at our school, • • • you know, think about behavior. • • Student, uh, • • behavior and student discipline. • • • • • • • It happens in our schools, and so it usually escalates it as far as the consequences. It starts out with something small like a lunch detention or a, uh, phone call home or a walking recess or whatever it might be. • • • • • • • • But if it continues, • • even if it's low level, chronic misbehavior, if it continues and it never stops, • then the consequences are going to escalate all the way to • a suspension, which is a temporary • • • revocation of a privilege of attendance, or all the way to expulsion, which is the ultimate revocation of that privilege. • • So behavior, student discipline could lead to the privilege being taken away. • • • Academic performance. You know, we have standards, • • and of course, sometimes a, uh, student's academic performance • is not related to their effort, but it's related to some sort of learning difference or exceptionality that they have. And so we're going to provide all the support that they can. But if we have a capable student that's just not doing the work and is pulling down D's and F's, we're going to figure something out. We're going to put them on academic probation • • and possibly eventually • • • • remove them from our school if they're just not • fulfilling their responsibilities as a student. • • • • • And what about financial responsibility of the family? You know, families have to pay tuition, • • and so they have a responsibility to pay tuition. And if they just don't, if they just stop doing it, then they're no longer fulfilling their responsibility, • and then that privilege is going to be taken away. • • • And one last example is attendance. You know, you have an attendance policy. • Students can only miss a certain number of days. They can only be tardy a certain number of times. • And if a family, if a student is just blowing off school • • • • day after day, week after week. Then sooner or later you're going to take away the privilege of them attending your school. • And there are many, many more examples. So I'm just trying to frame, set the frame that work the mindset for you to start looking at, uh, students in your school and families in your school through the lens of • • the Attendance • is a privilege and not a right. Because I know that you're pretty clear on that. • But sometimes parents, • • • if they were once clear on that, they sure don't act like they're clear on it now in the moment, in the emotion, in the heat of the moment. • • •
Seven strategies to remind parents that attendance is a privilege and not a right
And so now we're going to talk about seven strategies to remind parents • that attendance is a privilege • • and not a right. • • Okay, I'm going toa give you all seven • • • and then we'll break them down one at a time. • • And seven is a lot. And as usual, I'll take good care of you in the show notes@the privateschoolader.com Episode 119. • • • And you can just listen and then if this is something that you feel like needs a little attention at your school, • • then you can check things out in the show notes. • • So the seven strategies. Number one, clear language and enrollment contracts. • • Number two, clear language in the family handbook. • • Number three, teach the kids. • • Number four, use common language. Number five, give honest feedback. • • • Number six, positive reinforcement. • • And number seven, follow through consistently with courage and integrity. • • • • • • So number one is clear language and enrollment contracts. • • • • And so • • • if, if the language is not clear • • • • and maybe 95% or 99% of your enrollment contract is clear. • • But our enrollment contracts need to have a sentence or two that make it very clear • • • • • that attending the school is a privilege and not a right. • • And also typically to outline in general language • the circumstances under which that privilege could be revoked. And so just even a sentence about academic performance, behavior, • • um, failing to fulfill financial responsibility, • • • • so on and so forth, that you know, again, a statement in the enrollment contract that attending your school is a privilege, not a right. And what are the things that would trigger that privilege being taken away? • • • • Now here's the thing. • • • • • • • • • The enrollment contract • • • • is a thing that a parent looks at once a year, • • • and a lot of it is digital now. And they're going to check a little box on a Google form or something like that, • • • • and they'renna • go in for • • the biggest lie in the world. • • • So what's the biggest lie in the world? • • • • • Well, you've, you've done it and I've done it probably in the last week or Two, • • and it's, I have read the terms and conditions. Check, okay? The biggest lie in the world is I've read the terms and conditions. So if, if we want to be real, • we have to be real about the fact that not very many parents read the clear language in the enrollment contracts. And then also the challenge with that is that that was one moment in time during the entire school year. • • And so that's why number two is so important. And that's clear language in the family handbook. • Because if the enrollment contract is once a year, at least the family handbook is more accessible. • • • And I'm not trying to pretend that some parent is sitting around reading the family handbook for enjoyment by the fireside, you know, um, on a Tuesday night. • • That's not what we do. That's not what they do. • • • • But it is more accessible. • Sometimes it lives on your website. Um, it's something that many schools, • • um, • • not only do they have a parent sign • • • the enrollment contract, but they also have them click a box or sign something to say, yes, I've read the handbook. • And honestly, if you don't do that, I would encourage that you start that, uh, perhaps next school year where there's some, um, acknowledgement that the parent has read. Um, • • we're not saying they agree with everything in the handbook, but just acknowledgement that they'received and read • the family handbook. And so, • • um, you know, and also I think family handbooks are just perceived as more relevant and more present, • • um, • more day to day because they talk about things that are happening daily day to day in our schools as opposed to kind of this one time thing in our • family handbook. And I'm going to give some examples of some clear language • • in the show notes. • • Um, um, and I use chat GPT to generate, I think it's 10, • um, • statements • and they're all fairly similar. But it could give you some ideas because I know some of you are thinking, okay, number one, number two, clear language and enrollment contracts and clear language in the family handbook. Well, what, what does that even look like? • • Well, like I said, I use CHAT GPT and I came up with examples and put them in a Google Doc. And I've linked that for you in the show notes@the privategider.com episode 119. And so you can check that out and just, you know, see, is this something that needs to be added or needs to be revised • • in our • • family handbook or in our enrollment contract? • •
Teaching kids about privilege and responsibility is part of being a good leader
Okay, so that brings us to number three, which is teach the kids. • • • So over my 33 years as a private school Leader. I've had hundreds, maybe even thousands of conversations with students, • • and many of those conversations • • have to do with • • something that the kid did • • and talking about the consequence and why did you do that? And how can we repair this relationship? And things like that. • • • But one of the conversations that is probably one that I've had the most often • • is even if I'm being proactive and it's a kid that I see that's kind of going down the wrong path and • • • • • starting to get in trouble, or if it's a kid that's been in trouble, and I'm really trying to put a stop to that, is I talk about the two sides of the same coin, and I'll literally pull out a coin, and I'll be like, okay, • • this side of the coin is • • • a privilege. • So. And then I'll say, well, tell me what are some privileges? And they'll be like, well, • • um, • • • • • you know, playing on the basketball team or • • • being in the spring musical. They usually don't say going to school here, you know, because that doesn't cross their mind. And that's part of the reason that we're teaching the kids. But they'll name some privileges or. And I'll say, well, name a privilege outside of school, you know, and they'll be like, okay, • um, playing my Xbox or something like that. Okay. And then I'll say, okay, so on one side of the coin is privilege, and on the other side of the coin is responsibility. • • • And then I'll usually use that example that I used about, um, • • • • • • • • • the car and the police and the speeding tickets. And I'll be like, you know, as long as I fulfill my responsibility, • • I get to keep the privilege of having a driver's license. • • And then I apply it to them. And I'm like, look, • • you • • • • • have • • • privileges and responsibilities at this school, and I'll name some of the privileges for that kid in particular. • • And I'll say, but I want you to know those privileges can be taken away if you don't fulfill your responsibility. And then I'll mention a couple responsibilities. And sometimes it's a pep talk about academic performance. Usually it's a pep talk about behavior. And I'll just say, look, if you keep going down this path, um, • • you're not fulfilling your responsibility as a student, a good citizen in this school community. And then we're going to take away. We're going to start taking away privileges. • • And then depending on how far down the road we are, it might even be me talking about taking away the privilege of them being a Student in our school. I remember just in the past year I was, our school goes up to eighth grade and I was asking a seventh grader, do you want to be an eighth grader at our school? Because that is a privilege that could be taken away, that opportunity for you to be back next year. • • And so • • • • • I'm talking about something that I talk to kids about in my office. But this is something that we could talk about in advisory. • • We could talk about it during class. • • • Um, we certainly can remind kids in those one on one conversations • • where your teachers are reminding them about, you know, sports eligibility. Like you're on the soccer team, but do you want to, • • do you want to stay on the soccer team? Like this math grade, like we've got to get it together here. You've got to start turning in your homework. • • And most of the time what I've found is, is that when it comes to me feeling comfortable giving this conversation, having this conversation, • • it's usually something that's in the kids control, • • you know, and my point is, is that it's an effort issue with the academics or it's a, the choice issue when it comes to the behavior. Um, there are always outliers where the kid just needs support, whether it's an IEP or um, a behavior plan or whatever. But you know, most of the time when I think that this • • • conversation about privilege and responsibility • • is applicable and appropriate is when it's within the child's ability level, • • • • it's within the child's control to make things better. Okay? So of course we have to support our students who are unable to do that. And so we know that like poor behavior and poor grades mean that privileges are taken away. And I'm not saying that we harp on that all the time, but that should be something that is known in our school, that's known by our students and that is clear and that the connection is clear. • • • And the reason that I'm kind of harping on this is because there are more and more kids now where this is not something that's taught at their home. • • • Um, they don't know that because maybe they can do whatever and their privileges aren't taken away. And so we have a responsibility, regardless of the parenting that's happening at home, is to teach the kids • • • • • • • this truth, this concept, because it's. And so those teachable moments. And then one last thing on teaching the kids, • • • • it could be in your social studies or civics or government class • • that you know rights, as far as, you know the Constitution • • and the difference between rights and privileges • and then, you know, applying that to school. So hopefully you get what I'm going for here is that, you know, I know the title of this episode is Reminding the parents • • that attendance at school is a privilege and not a right. • But we can also remind the kids of this and teach the kids. And I've seen this to be something that in many cases has, uh, • been a game changer, these kinds of conversations. • • •
Number four is common language among the faculty and the administrators
Okay, that brings us to number four. And number four is common language among the faculty and the administrators. So we're going to use common language. And so, for example, • • • at our school, we used. • • • We continue to use, • • um, growth mindset, common language. So, for instance, putting the word yet at the end of a sentence. I don't know, I'm not good at math, comma, yet. I have no idea how to play soccer yet. • • Um, so the power of yet, um. We don't praise intelligence. We praise effort and stamina. We celebrate mistakes. We say things like, failure is not a permanent condition. So there's a lot of common language around growth mindset • at the school, • • • • • • • • but we can also have • common language • • when it comes to some of the things that we say • • • • • and some of the things that are part of our • • vocabulary, just part of the circulatory system of our school. • • And I'm going to give you a couple of examples. • • • • And again, I've linked these in the show notes. Uh, assist. An assist from ChatGPT here as well. • • And this language is going to sound a little stiff, • • but I want you to more or less just get the idea that, you know, just like with growth mindset, if you have shared language, • if there are some things • • that are shared language among your faculty and your administrators, it can become very powerful because it's like a broken record. And. And that broken record then just starts to really sink in to the • • minds and hearts of the kids. But you're also going to use this common language when you're communicating with parents. So let me just give you a couple here. • • • Um, again, it's going to sound stiff, but you'll get the idea. So, quote, we are honored to have you here, • but it's important to remember that being part of the school community is a privilege that you earn every day. • Okay. Earn it every day. • • • So another one is, attendance at our school is a privilege given to students who uphold our values, meet our academic standards, and contribute positively to our community. • • • Not a big fan of that one, but then there's this one. This school provides you with opportunities to grow and succeed, but it's important to Remember that maintaining your place here is contingent on your actions and your commitment. And so, again, I'm not a fan of that one • • tremendously either. I kind of like the first one more. • But what I'm going for here is that just to get you thinking, • • um, and again, I've got 10 of those in the show notes • • just to stimulate your thinking about, well, what would be something that could be on a poster? What could be something that could just be. • That is like our go to phrase, • • um, earn it every day, you know, whatever the case might be. • • We're trying to do that broken record that's going to get them, • • the students and the parents • remembering • • • that attendance at your school is a privilege and not a right. • •
Number five is giving honest feedback. And number six is positive reinforcement for good behavior
And then that brings us to number five, which is honest feedback. And I really believe that students and parents should always know where they stand, that we should hold them accountable. • • And • • that's it. You know, that's teachers at parent teacher conferences because we know that sometimes • they pull their punches because they're worried that you're not going to have your back or they're afraid of the parents. • • But • • • • • if we just give them • • positive feedback all the time to the kids and to the parents, everything's great, everything's wonderful, there's no problem, blah, blah, blah, then it'snna be impossible for us to hold them accountable. • And it almost becomes that if we don't give honest feedback, it almost becomes a right for them to be in the school because it's not something that we're ever going to take away. • • And so my point is, is that I'm not saying that's easy to give honest feedback to an upset parent, but I'm saying it's necessary and it's actually our responsibility to do right by the child to give accurate • feedback. • • • And we need to remind our teachers two things. • And the first and most important thing is, is that you actually have their backs. And then to actually do that, • • because if you have their backs • • • and there's, there's, um, evidence of that, then they're going to have more confidence to give accurate feedback to the parents. • • And, you know, this, this. And then also. So first is to actually have their backs, and then the second thing is to remind teachers that accurate feedback • • really benefits the child. • • • And that's the most important thing. And so • • • if we want • • • to be able to, • • quote, unquote, enforce this idea of • • the privilege of attendance, that it's, you know, fulfill your responsibility • • and you get to keep the privilege, well, then we need to give honest feedback about how well, they're doing with keeping the responsibilities academically and behaviorally and social, um, • • social and emotionally. And if we're not doing that, then we're going toa be stuck. • • • • It's just like never giving feedback to a teacher, • • • never observing them, never, you know, documenting everything. And then you're like, ugh, you know, this teacher doesn't belong here. I really need to coach them out or counsel them out or terminate them. But then you, we don't do it because we didn't, um, • give them the honest feedback. • So • • number five, honest feedback. And number six is positive reinforcement for the good behavior. So we want to shine a spotlight • on the good, um, on the people who are fulfilling their responsibilities in a great way. And so, • • • • • you know, the, that could be, you know, quote unquote, catching them being good in second grade. It could be, you know, • • • • a certificate given in front of the whole school assembly. • • Um, it could be your weekly parent memo that there's a little, • • occasionally there's, there's a spotlight that's being shown on the kids who are really crushing it, • um, and whatever the case might be. • • But if we want to, • • • • • • • if we want to encourage all students to fulfill their responsibility, • • then we need to make it desirable and cool and awesome • • • • • for the kids who are fulfilling their responsibility. • • • • Because you and I both know that sometimes in schools like the ones who are crushing it behaviorally and academically, they're looked at as the outliers or the non cool kids or the whatever. And there's always going to be a component of that. But I think that we have a responsibility • • to give these kids • • the props that they deserve. And so that could also be in one on one conversations. And I'm sure your teachers do that a lot. I'm sure you as a leader even do that sometimes. By the way, it means more coming from you as a leader than it does coming from a teacher.
Number seven is to follow through consistently with courage and integrity on school discipline
And that brings us to number seven • • on our list of how • • these strategies of how we're going to help our remind our teachers • • that • attendance at our school is a privilege and not a right. Number seven is to follow through consistently • with courage and integrity. • And I would say that this is the hardest thing to do on this list. • • We have to hold the students accountable. We have to communicate this consistently with courage and integrity to the parents. • • And when it comes to suspending a kid, • • man, sometimes • • it's just that that good kid who never does anything, but then they made that poor choice. • • And it's very clear in the handbook that the thing that they did that they need to be suspended for a couple of days. • • And, um, I can remember years ago, • • • • • • one of the hardest things I had to do was I had a board member. • • • • • Um, his son was a captain of the basketball team. He was a senior, and it was senior recognition night, • • and I had to suspend him. And not only from school, but also to not be at that game, to be recognized as a senior captain of the basketball team. • • • • • But because it was so clear what had happened. If I hadn't done that, then • • • • my integrity would have been damaged. And so I'm not saying it's easy, especially when we're talking to • • a big donor or an influential family or the family with five kids that's been in the school forever, or the parent of, um, the parent is a teacher and they have a kid at your school. Like, sometimes it's really, really hard to be consistent and to use courage and to use integrity and to follow through. But if we really want to be consistent about this idea of attendance as a privilege, • • not a right, • • we have to hold them accountable. • • And our integrity, of course, is just asking ourselves, what is the right thing to do in this situation. • • • And I would also encourage you, because I learned this the hard way is don't overcomplicate it. • • You know, the more you think about it, the more you take your time, the more you pray about it, the more that you delay, the harder it is. • • If the kid did the thing, the thing is clear in the handbook, then the consequence needs to take place. • • And, um, I'm telling you, I know that's easier said than done. Um, • I've been there. I understand that. But if we really want kids and parents to realize • • that • • accountability, • • • • • • we, uh, want to hold them accountable, and we want to remind them that • it's a privilege to be here, and you can keep the privilege as long as you fulfill your responsibilities. • • When they're not fulfilling the responsibilities, then we need to do the thing. We need to enforce the consequence. We need to take away that privilege, even if it's temporarily. And that could be • • • • • • • on a big Friday night football game when the star of the team isn't playing because of the D in science class. You know, it could be • • that, you know, we're in tech week for the spring musical, and the lead, um, isn't at rehearsal. • • • • • • • Those make me cringe just thinking about it. But, • • • you know, integrity is not circumstantial. Integrity is something that we are trying to do the right thing in every situation. • • • • And so we just need to, as hard as it is to follow through consistently with courage and integrity.
Mark Menkus shares seven strategies to remind parents that attendance is a privilege
And so our big takeaways, • • • we're talking about the seven strategies to remind parents that attendance is a privilege and not a right. Number one, clear language and enrollment contracts. Number two, • • clear language in the family handbook. Number three, teach the kids. • Number four, use common language. Number five, give honest feedback. • Six, positive reinforcement for those, um, fulfilling • • • • their responsibilities. And then number seven, follow through consistently with courage and integrity. And I like to end every episode with, uh, a call to action and just ask you to take a look at your family handbook and decide if it needs some attention with regards to a privilege of attendance type statement. • And remember that I've got examples for you in the show notes at the privateg leader.com • • • episode 119. • • And then just a quick reminder, um, • • about Parent Academy. It's an online digital course. It's your step by step framework for building effective partnerships with parents while reducing your stress and anxiety. • And the best part is, is that after I teach you the step by step framework, I will then teach your teachers. • • Because Parent Academy also comes with two 45 minute webinar trainings that are plug and play PDs. • • There's a 27 page printable workbook for your teachers with guided notes and discussion questions and additional teacher resources. And again, you can check that out@the privatescluter.com ParentAcademy and then one last free resource for you. Again, another way of saying thank you for listening. And that is a PDF called the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit. • • And we know that litigation is expensive and time consuming and extremely stressful. • • • And this is a common sense guide that will help you be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. And so you can grab this at the privatechool leader.com lawsuit. That's the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit. Just head over to the privatehoolleader.com lawsuit to download that. • And then just one, • • uh, • • one quick request, a favor that I would ask of you. And that is if you've ever gotten value from any • • nugget strategy, anything from any episode. • • • I'd love for you right now to think about another leader in your life • • • and to, uh, send them the link to this podcast • • • and then also to think about someone at your school that just is showing potential as a rising leader, perhaps a future leader in private school education • • • • and send them the link to the podcast. • • • • If you would do that, I would be so appreciative and I just want to thank you so much for being here. I've been your host. Mark Menkus. I appreciate you. I appreciate all the hard work that you're doing at your school, and thank you for taking some, uh, time out of your week to join me here today. And I'll see you next time right here on the Private Schoolal Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
Jan 18, 2025 • 45min
Episode 118: What To Do When The Parent Group Chat Becomes A Problem
Technology is absolutely amazing.
Smartphones, internet, facial recognition software, AI, self-driving cars, artificial hearts, 3D printers, robots, GPS, wearable devices, the cloud and virtual reality have helped change our lives for the better.
We also know that technology comes with its share of challenges.
A parent group chat on WhatsApp, Facebook or a Smartphone can be an awesome place for sharing information about school events, giving reminders about spirit week and communicating changes to the time that the basketball team will be getting back to the school.
But, these chat groups can also go down the wrong path and quickly devolve into teacher-bashing, judging parenting styles and critiques of the 4th Grade Math curriculum.
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to discuss What To Do When The Parent Group Chat Becomes A Problem.
I hope that you will listen to the podcast for your weekly dose of motivation, inspiration and PD. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference!
Mark Minkus
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode118
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, • where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So a couple of years ago at school, um, there was a sixth grader, • • and I think it was at lunchtime or recess, and they walked up to me and they said, Mr. Minkus, how old are you? • • And so I have a standard answer for that. And I said, I was born before man walked on the moon. • • • • And I got the desired reaction, um, you know, from their facial expression. And also they, of course, said, oh, you're so old. • And, you know, when you think about what happened on • • that July day in 1969, the fact that we could put a man on the moon, men on the moon, and return them safely to the earth with the technology that was available in 1969, it's just incredible. But what's even more amazing • is the technology that we have today. And much of it just really took off, um, in the last 10 years, last 15 years. And I'm talking about smartphones and the Internet, • facial recognition software, • • artificial intelligence, self driving cars, • • 3D printers, robots, GPS, artificial hearts, wearable • • technology, the cloud, virtual reality, and the list goes on and on. And we've just become so used to it. • • • Technology is amazing, but technology also comes with its own set of challenges. And that's certainly true when parents at your school connect on WhatsApp and, you know, Mu'and dad's Facebook group or in a text group. • • And these groups can be awesome for sharing information about school events and reminders about spirit week and changes to the time that the basketball team will be getting back to the school from their away game. • • • • But these chat groups can also go down the wrong path and quickly • • devolve into teacher bashing and judging parenting styles and critiquing the fourth grade math curriculum. • • So on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, we are going to discuss what to do when the parent group chat becomes a problem. • • •
Parent Academy is an online framework for building effective relationships with parents
But before we jump into that, I'm really excited about something • • and I want to start, I want to tell you briefly about it, but I want to start by asking you a question. • • What's the name of the parent that's living rent free in your head? • • • • • • • What's the name of the parent that's Living rent free • in your head. • • • • And I want to tell you I've been there. • • I used to have parents living rent free in my head 24 7. And when I was in bed or at the dinner table or driving to work or even in the shower and I used to get super anxious and sick to my stomach just thinking about talking to certain parents. • • • Parent issues dominated every aspect of my work as a private school leader. And I was stressed out all the time and I didn't know what to do. I didn't have a plan. • And all I had was anxiety and fear and insecurity. • • And so that's why I created Parent Academy, because I want to give you a plan. • • And with Parent Academy, you will go from feeling anxious and stressed • about working with parents to feeling confident, calm and relaxed. • • • • Because Parent Academy is an online digital course • • that's your step by step framework • for building effective relationships with parents while reducing your stress and anxiety. And • I didn't even tell you the best part. • • After I teach you, then I teach your teachers at your school. • • • Uh, I created two 45 minute webinars • that take the content from Parent Academy • and then pack it, packaged it for your teachers. And they have a printable workbook and guided notes and discussion questions and teacher resources. And so I'm really excited about this new tool that I've built for you and I want you to check it out and you can go over to the privatescgler.com parentacademy to see more about how this can change everything and help that parent that's living rent free in your head. It's, you know, it's time for them to move out. We're going to help them move out. • • And then I also want to share a, uh, resource with you that's • nine page PDF called How to use Verbal Judo to have better conversations with the parents at your school. • • • On today's episode, we're talking about parents • • and you know, you might be saying, well, what is verbal judo? Well, it's a communication strategy that focuses on using words • • • effectively to deesscalate conflict, resolve disputes • and achieve positive outcomes, • • • particularly in high stress or high pressure situations. • • And the author, George Thompson, uh, who wrote the book Verbal Judo the General Art of Persuasion. He's trained over 200,000 law enforcement officers in America • in Verbal Judo, the gentle art of persuasion. And so what I've done is I've read the book, I've taken strategies from the book and then applied them to you and your life as a private school leader so that you can have better Conversations • • with the parents at your school. And so you can check this out at, uh, the privatescooler.com judo that's a guide for you, how to use verbal judo to have better conversations with the parents at your school. The privatescsgluta.com • • • judo • • all right, so as I was preparing for this episode about the parent group chat, • • I gotta be honest, I got a new perspective • • on • parents and in particular the parent group chat. • • • And I want to just take a moment to talk about that. And then what we're going to do is get into some of the benefits of the group chat, some of the potential problems, and then I'm going to give you five do's and five don'ts when it comes to how you are handling the parent group chat when it becomes a problem. • • • So this new perspective that I'm talking about is • • first of all, empathy. • • And I have a lot of empathy towards, towards the parents and especially towards the moms. And I'll explain that in a moment. • • • • • But I want you to think about, let's say that there's a parent that has • a fifth grader and a seventh grader in your school. And so they're on the WhatsApp or group text • for those two grades, fifth grade and seventh grade. So that's one group. And then let's say that the fifth grader plays soccer and that the seventh grader plays basketball and is in the spring musical. • Well, there's probably group chats for all of those things. • • And then if there's, you know, 15 or 20 or 30 • people in the group in the grade group chat. And then there's, you know, less than that, but still a significant number in the, • • • um, • • individual group chats for the • • • soccer team or basketball team or the spring musical. • • And people are in there doing reminders and updates and asking questions and were we supposed to bring a snack and what time is the game? And just all of this stuff and then people are replying all • • • just inundated with a lot, • • • really. A ridiculous amount, a number of, um, messages. • • • And you know, when I was talking to different people, talking to, • um, former colleagues, talking to coaching clients, • even talking to some of my Thrive Academy students about this in preparation for the episode. I learned some things. And one of them is, is that this seems like something that is especially hard on the moms. • The moms take on the yeoman amount of work when it comes to the group chat. • • • And one, • • uh, colleague that had, uh, two children in a private school for many, many years referred to it as hidden work. And I really, that really resonated with me. Um, and what I think what she did mean by that was that, you know, there's work that parents do that's pretty visible, you know, running kids around to their practices and um, you know, all the different things that go on with what parents do with meals and errands and you know, • • • back to school shopping and whatever, everything. But there's hidden work and that is um, fall. This falls under that category with just so much time that's spent navigating that um, that group chat. And it can be stressful as well. And then the third thing that I got a new perspective on is just um, there's, there's fomo, you know, fear of missing out, there's comparison when it comes to money. Um, because you know, in those group texts, • um, there's going to be • • things that are happening where parents are, you know, not so much the Instagram thing of them going on a trip and posting a picture of their dessert, you know, with uh, • • the ocean waves in the background. I'm not really talking about that, but, um, just, you know, how often and high, how high quality, • um, you know, whether it's sports and it's training or it's um, you know, a musical and you know, a voice coach and just those kinds of things. There's some comparison when it comes to money, but then there's also some comparison when it comes to parenting and parenting styles. • And so, you know, I used to just have a, um, one • • big, broad brush stroke, one size fits all attitude about parent group chats. • But I have a little bit of a different perspective now. And so I want to get into talking about some of the benefits, • • some of the potential problems with the group chat. And then like I said, this, you know, that this uh, podcast, we try to really get tactical, ah, with strategies. So I'm going to give you five dues and five don'ts.
Group chats form a sense of community and we know people are craving connection
So first of all, what are some of the benefits • • • • • • of a WhatsApp group group text, a Facebook Mums and dads Facebook group where people can post? Well, first of all, it forms a sense of community and we know that people are craving connection • • and that even though social media and these devices that I referred to earlier, that they, you know, tend to make us accessible and uh, we can contact someone all the, um, on the other side of the world. • • • The research would show that we feel less connected than ever. Um, and so we're craving connection. • And you form this little tribe, this little, for this little community of the, the parents of the Kids in the um, in the music or the parents of the kids that are on student council that are getting ready to go to this um, you know, leadership conference or those kinds of things. So that's the first thing. Second thing is instant communication for time sensitive updates can happen in the group chat. And so, you know, like I said at the top, for example, you know, the basketball team'coming back from uh, • • um, an away game, um, and two of the games went into overtime and so they're getting back later than they thought and so boom. The ad, • • • the basketball coach can put that message out to the parents, um, about that. • And then the third thing is, is that parents can actually support each other through the group chat. So for example, carpool help. Someone has a late meeting at work and they can't pick up • • • • their child after, you know, um, chess club or after, you know, swimming practice • • and just puts it out into the, the group chat. Hey, could someone pick up, um, you know, Amanda and drop her off? And so, you know, the help, um, perhaps tutor recommendations, • • • um, • • • you know, meals • • provided from others in the group chat when someone's having surgery or maybe um, • a mom just had a, um, • brand new baby, um, you know, and is recovering, um, you know, those kinds of things where parents can actually support each other by knowing about the need. And it's sort of a clearing house of, you know, people who can help people. That's a group chat at its best. • • • Um, it's easier to coordinate for events and volunteers. So you know, let's say it's organizing volunteers for the field trips or the bake sales, • • um, you know, fundraisers. • Um, • parents can discuss, you know, who's bringing what or if there's last minute things, • • • • if there's a need for more volunteers, so can do that. And then, um, two more • • • benefits to the group chat • • • reminders. Um, • • • so upcoming school events, • • • • • parent, um, • • teacher conferences, the deadlines coming up to sign up for those. • • Um, spirit week is next week and you know, maybe the parent has to go out and pick up a couple things over the weekend or at least have that conversation with their child. • Um, you know, and so this kind of informal communication • • • can actually serve as a useful like complimetary • way of communicating with the, um, complimentary to the official school announcements. And we'll talk about that more in a moment. • • • Um, • and then casual conversations. You know, we're just kind of craving those • • • • connections again. So that can happen. So that's the group chat at its best.
Sometimes a simple message can be misinterpreted, leading to conflict or panic
Okay, but then let's talk about some of the potential Problems of the parent group chat. • • So excessive information overload. And I mentioned that before. • • Um, I read an article • • • • about a mom who was on • a group chat for her daughter's grade. I think the child was in third grade, • • and she was away from her phone for about a half an hour. • • And she came back and there were 154 messages on the WhatsApp group for third grade. And she thought that there was like, an emergency at the school, but it was just some, um, • • • you know, thing at school. • Um, • • • • let's say it was spirit week and everybody was replying all, and everyone was chiming in about this or that or posting a link to this cool costume on Amazon or whatever. And, you know, so excessive information overload, it really becomes overwhelming. • Um, another problem with WhatsApp or, or, um, group text or a Facebook moms and dads group is a lot of miscommunication. • • Um, and so sometimes • • • a simple message can be misinterpreted, • • leading to conflict or even worse, panic. • • Um, you know, the school • • works really hard to try to make sure that the information that comes out is accurate and timely. But then when the parents get involved on the WhatsApp, did you hear, can you believe or saying that, well, we need to go pick up our kids because it's snowing and blah, blah, blah. But the school hasn't even said that yet. So miscommunication. And then also there can be misinterpretation. • • And you know how texts lack context. • • They lack facial expression because it's not in person. They lack emotional cues. And so how many times have we misinterpreted a text • • as, • • • oh, well, this sounds kind of mean. Um, and so again, these messages in the, ah, group chat can lead to not only miscommunication, but also like an overreaction or an underreaction, just misinterpreting it because there's no emotional • cues or tone of voice or body language or volume or tone • attached to a text. • • Um, • a couple more that are potential problems with the, uh, • um, group chat. And then we'll get into the strategies. One is an exclusion of some of the parents. • And so if it's inadvertently, • • • that exclusion hurts. But if a parent is intentionally excluded, that hurts even more. • • And so this just, you know, hurt feelings. And, you know, parents then flash back to, Honestly, they flash back to kind of a traumatic experience of being excluded in the lunchroom when they were in middle school, for example, or being left out of a social event when they were in, you know, ninth grade. So just, we all know what it feels like to be left out and • inadvertently or on purpose, um, this happens and it hurts. And then there's parent to parent conflict. You know, that, • • • uh, if there's parents in a group chat, they're not all going to agree about opinions • • • about school policies or just, you know, a decision on whether to delay or cancel school because of the snow. And everyone's going to have an opinion. So. And then if someone has a strong opinion and another parent decides to, you know, go up against that parent, then there's all kinds of conflict. And then the final one, and this is one that is probably top of mind for you, is when there's negative talk • about teachers or staff. • • Um, you know, so parents get frustrated about the school. Their kid comes home and is complaining about the homework, and then the person is blown up. The chat with, we have too much homework. And, you know, they use it as a form to vent. And then that can spiral into gossip and complaints and false rumors and hurtful things that are said. • • And, you know, I have a coaching client who told me about one parent that was upset at their school about the third grade teacher. Now, not all the parents of that in that WhatsApp group were upset about the third grade teacher, but this parent kind of like quotquote, recruited other parents by, you know, messaging them and is like, was your child experiencing this too? Or does your child think that Mr. Miller is mean and just kind of like recruiting information • • and then stirring things up on the group chat? So, um, that is something that is really challenging, and that's probably the first thing that comes to mind when you're thinking about when a group chat starts to become a problem. • • So again, on this podcast, we're all about taking action. And so I'm going to give you 10 strategies, and those are divided into five do's and five don'ts when it comes to the parent group chat. • Okay. • • Do • • keep your emotions in check and maintain a healthy perspective. • • Do keep your emotions in check and maintain a healthy perspective. So, • • you know, there are complex • • human interactions. Even if they're happening in person • and when they're happening online, that's going to be even more the case. And there's a lot of immaturity out there. • • • • Um, we know that hiding behind the technology • • will • make people say things they wouldn't say to your face. • • Um, um, they can kind of hide behind that and not bring the problem to your attention. And let's face it, as school leaders, the criticism hurts. • • And that's why we have to put on that suit of armor. I've talked about that before where parent criticism, they're like arrows. • And • • • I think that too many school leaders are letting those arrows penetrate the skin. • And I see that in my head as you, uh, um, internalizing the emotion of the parent criticism. • • • • But if you have your suit of armor on, it will ding it and it will make a loud noise and probably even put a dent in the armor. And you're going to feel it and you're going to notice and hear the criticism, but you're not going to internalize • • the emotion of it. • And so keeping your emotions in check when things are going on that are problematic on the group chat is super important because, • • you know, if we're not keeping our emotions in check, then we're overreacting and we're doing things impulsively. And that usually doesn't work out very well for school leaders. • • And then I also think that a parent • gets the right to give real criticism. It. When that. It's. It's not, it's. Let me, let me rephrase that. I think that, um, the right to give real criticism is earned. Okay? And what I mean by that is, is that I don't think it's • • valid, real criticism if it's in the parent group chat to each other. I think that valid, real criticism is earned. When a parent picks up the phone or sends you an email and says, hey, can we talk? • • So I'll talk a little later about, like us jumping to, you know, • • what, what we do when we hear about that criticism, that was not a phone call or an email, but it was blowing up in the WhatsApp group. But the bottom line is, do keep your emotions in check and maintain a healthy perspective. • • And so before I get into the don't, um, I just want to remind you, you know, if I'm giving you five do's and five don'ts, that's a lot, especially if you're multitasking, which I always encourage you to do. But as usual, I'll take good care of you in the show notes. And those are@the privatescoolider.com Episode 11 18. • And you will have all of that right there for you.
Don't try to police the group chat. It's not going to work
Okay? Don't try to police the group chat. Don't try to police the group chat. If someone's sending you screenshots, • • • • it has to be pretty bad for you to pick up the phone and do something about it. So let me explain what I mean. There will be parents, there will be employees, there will be parents who are, uh, there will be Teachers who are parents at your school, • • • and they'll be in the group chat and they will see stuff and then they will screenshot it and email it to you. So couple things. • • • Don't let the tail wag the dog. So if the, you know, if, if the tail is the group chat and you're the dog, don't let the group chat just have you all over the place emotionally and trying to police it and trying to get in there and you, you know, change stuff and we'll talk about that more in a moment. It's a fool's errand. It's not going to work. • • Um, and so I think that it has to be pretty bad for you to reach out to that parent. And sometimes the stuff is pretty bad and sometimes it does require you pick up the phone and reaching out to the parent. But the first step is for you to strongly encourage the person who sent the screenshot • • • to, in turn, strongly encourage that parent to reach out to you. So let me say that again. The person who sent you the screenshot, • • you're going to strongly encourage that parent to reach out to you. And that parent can also remind them, hey, you know, I'll just use my own name. Like, listen, Mark's a good listener. Like, he's good at handling stuff. You should, you should talk to Mark. Okay, and so is that always going to work? No, but then you have to weigh the cost of the witch hunt. • And so • • if I'm reaching out to a parent • • • about a screenshot that I received, • • then they're going to go all in on trying to figure out who • • • • was the person that, you know, snitched who turned them in. • Um, and then there's going to be probably, • • • • um, • • a, ah, social cost, a negative social cost to the person who did that. Now I don't want to get into bullying behavior and, and punishing the victim and ignoring the victim. You know this, • • • it's very complex. But I'm just trying to give you some general guidelines. And then there's always going to be exceptions. And I would say that the only exception to this is that, uh, I haven't mentioned this yet, but some schools have a school sponsored school, controlled school, supervised chat group. • • And so, you know, there's a wide range of names out there. I'm not goingna get into all of them. But if this chat group is something that the school sponsored, that the school initiated, that the school populated with all the phone numbers of everybody, and that the school has some sort of control or supervision • • aspect to it, well, then that's a whole different story. But most of the time that's not the case in my experience. So, um, again, • • my advice is don't try to police it • • because you're not going to be successful.
Do encourage your parent ambassadors to combat the negativity in WhatsApp group
Okay? The next Do. Do encourage your parent ambassadors to combat the negativity. • • Do encourage your parent ambassadors to combat the negativity. And I think that this is a proactive conversation • • • • • maybe at the beginning of the school year or the month before the school year starts. • • • • • And, you know, maybe there's a couple of parents in each grade that you think of. And, um, I'm sure this is true about you. If I asked you to stop and, you know, pick a certain grade • • and to think about who are the ambassadors, who are the most positive parents, who are the ones who love the school, who are the ones who, you know, also have a little bit of backbone. • • Um, and you're not asking them to do your dirty work for you. • You're just having a brief conversation about, hey, I just appreciate how much you love this school and how positive you are and how you're always there when we need you and so on and so forth. And I'm not asking you to be a spy. I'm not asking you to send me stuff. I'm just asking that if, you know, stuff were to come up in the • • chat group that you could, um, you know, push back a little and not even necessarily disagree with the stuff that the person said, but to accentuate something positive because, you know, you don't want to put them, set them up for a fall. You don't want to set them up for, you know, a battle with the nastiest parent in the WhatsApp group. • • But I do think it's a worthwhile endeavor to have a • • proactive conversation with one or two • • parents who are, you know, immediately come to mind when you think of positive • • ambassador type parents and they can combat the negativity in the group chat. And if you're asking them, hey, you know, if you wouldn't mind, that would really help out the school a lot. But be really clear with them that you don't want them reporting to you, okay, this is not what this conversation'about it's just like you're sort of like you're winding up a toy. Um, the shows my Age, you know, you're winding up a toy and then you're just putting it down and you're walking away and the toy kind of, you know, wanders, walks off in the other direction. You don't want this to be • • a constant Back and forth reporting. You're just having an initial conversation and then you're just trusting that they're going to try to • • do, um, their best without compromising their social role, social capital or for that matter their kids, • • um, role or social capital by, you know, how they behave in • WhatsApp group. So hopefully that makes sense. Do encourage your parent ambassadors to combat the negativity, but you're not planting spies in the chat group. Okay? • Don't try to shame or call out individual parents. Don't try to shame out shame or call out individual parents. • • You're going to get a lot of resentment and bitterness and retaliation and witch hunts and it isn't going to stop the behavior anyways. They will just start a new group, a new, a new chat group. And so I'll give you another example. I, um, was talking to a coaching client a few weeks ago • • and um, that • • • a, ah, principal of a school • and someone had sent the principal, • someone from the chat group had sent the principal • • a couple screenshots. • And so then the nastiest person in the group, • who, of course the screenshots were about them, um, • because the principal had reached out, then they, you know, went on this mission to try to figure out who. But at the same time then they guessed who they thought it was and they created another group. • • So this is the second group now of parents thinking they excluded the parent who had sent it in the first place. • Well then they came to find out that • • • they had included that parent in the second group and so they made a third group. Now we've got three different chat groups • • for this same group of people, whether it was a grade or a sport or whatever it was. And so my point is this. • • If you try to call out • • shame • • • individual parents, • • • • • it's probably not going to go well. Okay? And there's always an exception. Sometimes if there's something that is • • • just so ridiculous and so hurtful and so problematic and it comes to your attention, you'renna deal with it. You're gonna have to deal with it. And you're like, well, Mark, how am I supposed to know the difference? I would just say that I trust that you have good instincts and you have wisdom • • and that, • • um, you are • • trying to. • • Here's what I'm getting at. I think that you will know. I think that in your gut you will know. • This falls into the category, but I would say • • overarching statement that that category needs to be on the small side and not on the big side. So we're talking about outlier behavior. When it comes to nastiness or attacks or criticism or • mischaracterizations or character assassination of, you know, an employee. • Um, • • again, I said this earlier. I just think it's going to be rare when you're going to take that step. I'm not saying you won't, but I'm saying that you will have that gut feeling from time to time. And here's the thing, if you just want to run it past me, then shoot me an email@marko.mincusmail.com and I'll try to, • you know, bounce. We can bounce some things off of each other. • Um, okay. Do publish respectful communication expectations in your family handbook. Do publish respectful communication expectations in your family handbook. • So, you know, take a look at your handbook. Many handbooks do have • • respectful • • ah, communication guidelines, • • um, in them that the parents are agreeing to. • • • • And whether they sign the handbook or don't. You know, there should be language somewhere when your handbook goes out that you know you as a parent by having your child enrolled in the school or agreeing to everything in this handbook. • • • And so if it needs some work or if it doesn't exist, • um, I'm a big fan of Chat GPT and um, you can enter, just enter a bunch of stuff in that little box that you're looking for and ask, um, Chat GPT to spit out a policy for respectful communication among parents. • • Um, you know, especially with regards to a chat group. And I don't ever recommend copying and pasting stuff that Chat GPT spits out. But it's going to be ah, um, you know, a starter for you. It's going to be things that will get you going in the right direction with writing your own policy and then making sure that it gets out there. Okay, just a few more. • • • Don't encourage your teacher parents to report to you every time a parent is upset in the group chat. • • Don't encourage your teacher parents to report to you every time a parent is upset in the group chat. So you have, and I had, • • • every school has • • parents who work at the, uh, teachers who work at the school that are also parents of children in the school. And so then logically these • • • parents, • • • teachers are going to be in the group chats • • and then people are behaving poorly, they're saying stuff • • and then they're coming to you. As the principal, • • • • • • you don't want to encourage that behavior. The way to encourage that behavior is to be like, okay, thanks. And then you jump in there and you just like get involved in your neck deep in this group chat. • • • I would recommend that when they bring stuff to you, you thank them • • but you explain to that teacher • • that if you react to everything that you're going to be feeding the beast, • • • it's going to cause the witch hunt and the, • • you know, the second and the third • group chat group to be formed and you know all of the different things • but also you can.
Do encourage your parent teachers to refer upset parents to you
And uh, I'm going to get into the next do right now. It goes with this one. Do encourage your parent teachers to refer upset parents to talk to you. So this is part one, part two of this little don't this do and don't. • So you don't want to encourage them to give you these reports all the time. • • • • • You don't want that. Okay. • However, if they do, • • if they do come to you with something and it seems like kind of on the big side, • um, strongly encourage that teacher. Parent to strongly encourage the upset parent to reach out to you. And I said it once before and I'll say it again, you know that teacher probably has a good working relationship with you, probably agrees that you're a good listener and that you handle problems pretty well. • And so again they just need to be saying like you need to talk to Mark, um, • you know, fill in your name there. You need to email, um, Mark need • • • • • and you need to talk. He's really good or she's really good at solving problems and just really encourage them. So again these two go together with the teacher that's uh, • uh, also a parent. You don't want them to be • coming to you with everything. And when they do come to you with stuff you want to refer them back to • strongly encouraging the upset parent to reach out to you. Okay, just a couple more. • • • Don't try to ban the group chat or people from the group chat. First of all, that's impossible. • • And again the only exception is that if this is a school sponsored • • • school controlled school, supervised chat group and I actually don't recommend that, but if that's already what you have, • • um, it just seems like a, • • • • • just seems impossible to me. So again I'm just going to say it and then we'll move on. Don't try to ban the group chat or ban people from the group chat. • Um, it's not going to work. There's going to be more negatives that come out of that than positives. • • Do encourage parents • • to refer to official communications from the school. • • Do encourage parents • to refer to official communications from the school. Now here's where you really can get your hands dirty and • • actually make a difference with what's going on in that group chat is, is that your school has to really raise their game • • • • • when it comes to a one stop shop for parent information that is super reliable and super accurate and is updated in real time. Because • • when things coming out of your school in emails or in the parent memo or whatever are like • • • inaccurate like even 20% of the time, • then the parents are going toa rely on each other and they're not going to see the school communications is reliable. The more and more and more that the school • is very, very reliable and timely and on top of their game when it comes to • • accurate information, • • then there's a large group of parents within that parent group chat that hate the parent group chat. They don't want to be involved, they don't want to read all of those things. Okay, • • • that's the thing. One of the main things that I learned in preparing for this episode is that the vast majority of parents, they hate the group chat. They don't even want to be part of it. It reminds them of the lunch table when they were in seventh grade. • • They don't want to be part of it. And so • • what can you do? I strongly recommend that every private school has a weekly parent memo, whatever it is that you want to call it. Um, at our school, um, we sent it out at • • Friday, um, • • at 9am Whenever you send it out it needs to be on the same day at the same time. So it becomes very predictable and very • • um, much ingrained in the parent mind that this is going to um, come • • to them at that day, on that day, at that time. • • • And then you're just going • • all out to make sure that this is accurate. You're going to have a link to the sports schedules and practices and make sure your ad has that all squared away and that those are, you know, let's say linked Google Docs so that the ad can change them. But if there's a significant change of course that information is going out. The bottom line is this. If the better your official communications are from the school • and the less that it is a scavenger hunt through their email to find the information. And I mean by that • • one email a week, that weekly parent memo that's going to have everything. I'm not saying you only send one email a week to your parents. I'm saying • that email in my opinion is probably the most important • • • piece of communication • • that you're sending. And if it's accurate and it's really good, I don't mean it has to look like it's, you know, something • slick from um, you know, a media company or from a, you know, a newspaper in a big city or from a shiny glossy magazine. I don't mean that. • • I'm less concerned about the way it looks and more concerned about the accuracy of the information • • in it. Okay, and then the last don't is don't assume that all parents are in agreement with what one or two parents are saying in the group chat. You know, it's very awkward for parents to disagree with the most negative person in the chat • • because of the potential social consequences for the parent and the potential social consequences for their child. • And sometimes it's easy for us to paint with a broad brush that all parents are upset or • • m. They never are happy, you know, when we start using extreme language that's rarely accurate. And so I said before, most parents hate the group chat and they tolerate it, • um, and then they're trying to navigate it as best they can without pissing people off. • And so just for you and your own mental health and your own peace of mind, it's important. Don't assume that all parents are in agreement with what one or two parents are saying.
Do publish respectful communication expectations in your family handbook
All right, so what are the big takeaways from today's episode? We're talking about when the group chat, the parent group chat becomes a problem. • • Do keep your emotions in check and maintain perspective. Don't try to police it. Do encourage your parent ambassadors to combat the negativity. Don't try to shame or call out individual parents. • • • Do publish respectful communication expectations in your family handbook. • • Don't encourage your teacher parents to report to you every time a parent is upset in the group chat. • • Do encourage your parent teachers to refer upset parents to talk to you. • • • • • Don't try to ban the group chat or people from the group chat. • • Do encourage parents to refer to official communications from the school and make sure they are accurate. And don't assume that all parents are in agreement with what one or two • • parents are saying. • • • • • That's a lot. It's a lot to remember. Again, • the show notes will have it all there for you. The privatescchoolleader.com Episode 118 • and I'm giving you two calls to action at the end of the episode today. First is to check out your family handbook. • Is the policy clear enough on positive, respectful communication? And if it's not, not saying you change it partway through the year, but you know, get into chat GPT and pull in a couple of • • another administrator or a veteran teacher or, you know, your communications person, if you have one and just have a conversation about it and, um, • you know, the time to. • • • • It's always a good time to be checking out how to, uh, make your family handbook better. • • • Um, and then the second call to action is to talk to your parent ambassadors before there is a problem. • Because here's the thing, okay, if there's a problem and then you're going to the parent ambassadors and asking them to be positive, • then it's reactionary and it's situational and it feels crappy. But if you're just proactively at the beginning of the year, kind of like asking them to do that, then they're going to navigate that well. But you don't want it to be • • • • because there's a problem. • •
Mark Mincus: Parent Academy is an online digital course to help parents
Okay, um, last thing I mentioned, Parent Academy at the top of the episode. • • Um, I'm super excited to launch this and I want you to check it out. Um, it's an online digital course and it's your step by step framework for building effective partnerships with the parents at your school while reducing your stress and anxiety. • • And • • uh, I told you before, but I want to tell you again because I'm super excited about this part too is after I teach you the step by step framework to help you navigate all this better with your parents and have them cause less anxiety and give you more confidence. After I teach you, I'm going to teach your teachers. So there's two 45 minute webinars • and they have a printable workbook and this is something that you could use at a pd, • • • um, all in the same room and they watch it and then they break into groups for the discussion questions • • and you know, a part one and a part two. It could be something on a PD day, on a teacher in service day, and you have lifetime access to the trainings. And so, um, if you train your teachers with these webinars, then you still have the webinars for new hires in the future where you can have that be part of their onboarding process so that they're up to speed as far as how to effectively communicate with the parents at your school. And all of that is over@the privatescoolider.com • • parentacademy so go check that out please. And then also I've created another free resource for you. I want you to grab this. It will be a help to you. It's called the six things that every Private School Teacher Wants from Their Leader. And this six page PDF could be a real game changer for you. And I guarantee you that if you do these six things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow, • • • and you can grab that@the privatescchoolader.com • • • • guide. And one last thing. You know, if you have gotten any • • benefit • from this podcast, • • uh, I just would ask for a favor that you would take the link and you would • • email it or text it to another school leader, • • • • whether that's someone that you met at a conference or someone that you know from another school. A school leader. • • And also • • think about that rising leader at your school. • • You have a good eye and you have good instincts when it comes to somebody that has leadership potential in your school. Well, maybe they need someone to believe in them, to kind of light that spark and send them • • a text, send them an email with the podcast, a link to the podcast, this episode, for example. • • And, um, maybe they can. That'll be their first step in their journey. So if you would please share the. • Share the link. I'd love to get that word out there to help as many school leaders as possible. • • And I've been your host, Mark Mincus. I just want to say how much I appreciate you and all the hard work that you're doing at your school. Thank you so much for taking some of your precious time to join me here today. And I will see you next right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
Jan 11, 2025 • 35min
Episode 117: There Is Joy On Your Campus, It’s Just Not In Your Office
I want you to use your imagination.
You are at your school and you hear laughing kids. You hear excited voices and then you see big smiles and you see happy kids doing interesting things.
When you see and hear all of these things, are you in your office? Probably not.
Of course some good things happen in your office, but it is mostly a place for holding meetings, responding to emails and making phone calls.
There are many joyful things happening on your campus, but you usually have to go to that joy.
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to discuss the fact that There Is Joy On Your Campus, It’s Just Not In Your Office.
I know that you are super busy, so be sure to listen while you are doing something else. I hope that you will get value from this episode as you serve and lead your school community. Thank you for taking some time out of your day to listen to the podcast!
Thanks for making a difference,
Mark Minkus
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having A Successful Meeting With An Upset Parent. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode117
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
• Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and leadave their schools. • • I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. • And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Menkus. • • • So I want you to use your imagination. • • You're at school • and you hear laughter. You hear excited conversation from kids, kids interacting with teachers. • You see • • smiling kids • • doing interesting things. • • • It's memorable, it's awesome, it's colorful, it's noisy, it's fantastic. • • • So I want to ask you, • • • where • • on your campus is that happening? • • And is it happening in your office? • • • The laughter, the excited conversation, the smiling kids doing interesting things, all of those awesome things, is it happening inside your office? • • • And the answer is probably not. • • • And, you know, in your office, mostly • • • • • what's happening is meetings and • • taking a phone call from a parent, um, maybe dealing with a discipline issue, maybe meeting with a teacher or a couple of teachers, • • um, talking to the athletic director, • um, • • you know, • • meeting with a family that's a prospective family to the school, talking to board member on the phone or in person. You know, those are the things that happen a lot in our office. Maybe working on accreditation, self studies. You get it. • But • • • • • • • there is joy on your campus. • • It's just not in your office. • • • And so it's super important for us to engage with that joy and to remember why we're doing the hard thing, that we're doing this job. • • And so, on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, we're going to discuss the fact • • that there's joy on your campus. It's just not in your office. • • And I'm also going to give you some strategies of how you can go to the joy. • • • •
The seven Secrets to Improving Teacher Morale can help improve school morale
And before we jump into that, I want to give you a free resource just to say thank you for listening to the podcast. This one's called the seven Secrets to Improving Teacher Morale. And if you're listening to this in real time, it's still early January. • • And when that calendar flips over to January, • • and we see that we still have, you know, uh, half of a school year to go • • sometimes we are very motivated to try to improve certain things at our school. • • And one of those things, • • teacher morale is kind of elusive and kind of difficult to • • m • • In some way tangibly improve that. And so what you need is a plan. And you can check out the privatehoolade leader.com morale to grab your free guide that's called the 7 Secrets to Improving teacher Morale. And I think that it will be a big help for you as you try to do that at your school. • • • • • And then I want to help you with your difficult job. You know, you have so many things on your plate and that plate continues to get more and more full. Nothing ever comes off that plate. And yet you're supposed to get it all done, • • • keep everyone happy. As far as the teachers and the parents • • • • improve upon last year's test scores, come in under budget. And when all that's said and done, um, you know, make sure that you • • • • • engage in some self care and try not to be a jerk to your family. • • • Okay, that sounds pretty impossible. And that's why we end up feeling tired and discouraged and stressed out and overwhelmed. And trust me, I've been there. • • And you know how at the beginning of every episode I say that I believe that it is possible for you to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader? • Well, my question is, do you want that? Do you believe that? Do you want to go from how you're feeling right now to feeling like I could do this for a long time and feeling fulfilled and feeling happy to go to school? • • • • So I can help guide you through this transformation, step by step, strategy by strategy, • lesson by lesson, in the online course Thrive Academy. And I've taken everything that I've learned over the past 33 years, • • put it into seven modules with some really, really practical step by step strategies. • • And I want to help you go from surviving to thriving. And you can go to the privateschooladeer.com thrive • to learn more. But I really believe that it can change your life. • • •
We're talking about how there's joy on your campus
So on, uh, today's episode, we're talking about how there's joy on your campus. It's just not in your office. • And we're going to talk a few things here. • • We're going to talk about joy that's happening on campus during the day, • • joy that's happening on your campus after school. • • • What are the benefits to you to engage with that joy? • And then what are a few strategies that you can use to make sure that you are going to the joy. • • • So first of all, • • • • joy that's happening during the day. • • Um, I'm just going toa list a few things and then make a comment on it, but I would love for you to think about how you can add to this list. First of all, recess. • • Um, you know, I, over the years have been sled riding Building snowman. A snowman or multiple snowmen. • • Um, swinging, playing basketball. • U. Um, you know, and sometimes I'll be laughing and I'm, you know, building a snowman or building a snow • • castle with the kids or you know, messing around at recess and thinking, this is awesome. I get paid for this. And you know, it'd be awesome if that was the only thing that we did. But it is something that we can do is interact with kids at recess. • • Um, another place where joy actually happens during the day is at lunch. • • You know, and I like to go over, let's say, sit down at the sixth grade girls table and just say, well, objectively, 1989 is the best Taylor Swift album. And then just see what happens. Of course they're all going to have an opinion and it's fun just to talk to them or sit down with any of the kids and talk about sports or movies or the music that they're into, video games. • And that might what I just described be a better fit for tweens and teens. But you can sit down and talk to the younger kids too, and they have a lot of ideas. You know, just as the school leader, you'd be like, • you know, what's, what's one way we can improve the school. Now you're going to get • • • answers that I've gotten over the years, like replace the water in the water fountains with chocolate milk or build a roller coaster on the playground. But that's what, • • that's what makes it fun and that's what makes it joyful. Um, um, so recess, lunch, even class changes. Just • especially in um, um, • you know, fourth grade through 12th grade. Um, um, just to be out there and interacting with the kids. Morning home room. I love morning homeom. • • Especially fourth and fifth grade at our school. • They're working on puzzles, they're just, you know, playing some board games, • • • um, just to go in there and just interact with them for just a few minutes. • • • Joy happening during the day. I think that it's happening in all of the classes. • • Um, and some of it depends on what they're doing as far as the age of the kids. So they, the little ones might be building something out of blocks or making a fort. Um, um, and you know, your 10th graders might be dissecting a fetal pig in biology class, but it's happy kids • • doing interesting things and that it's going to bring you joy. See, not only is it joyful what's actually happening out there on campus, but it's going to bring you joy. And we're going to talk about that more in just a moment. • • I've also found that in addition to the core academic classes, that specials is an awesome place to visit because it seems like they're always doing something super interesting in art • or in music class. There's been more than one time where I've walked in and I'm playing a dejmbbe drum or I'm playing a ukulele, and, you know, because they're doing it and that's fun. Um, • • you know, PE class, um, a little game of kickball, computer class where they're testing out their robots. Um, library, • • um, when they're researching something or reading a book. • • • • • Joy happening on your campus. • • Um, a couple other places would be, you know, in class, when group projects are happening, presentations are being given, skits are being performed, • club time, • • • • assemblies, • your religious service, you know, whether that's chapel or mass or maybe tefila in a Jewish day school. • • Um, the holiday celebrations • • • that happen, spirit days, fundraisers. • • • • • • These are the circulatory system of our school. We could probably list a hundred things that are happening every day • that are fun, that are joyful. • • And the purpose of this episode is to remind you that there is joy on your campus. • • You just have to go to the joy because that joy is typically not happening in your office. I know that sometimes you get a visit. • And aren't those amazing? Aren't those awesome when the kids come and they're on a scavenger hunt or they are delivering a card to you and the office staff or whatever? But it's like, we need to go to the joy.
The theme of today's episode is that we need to be intentional about going to joy
Okay, • the theme of today's episode is that we need to be intentional about going to the joy. • • Al right. So I talked a little bit about the joy that's happening during the school day. There's also fun, joyful things that are happening after school. So whether it's a performance, I mean, I'm a big fan of the spring musical. • Um, it could be the band concert, um, the choral concert, a music recital, a dance • recital, • • um, athletics, you know, whether it's a soccer game or basketball or volleyball or whatever the case might be. • And • I'm going to talk in a few minutes about how, you know, you don't have to go to everything, • • but if you're strategic, you can make, quote, unquot, an appearance, • • • show support to the kids and to the coaches, • • • um, • show that to the parents that are in attendance as fans • that, you know, you care about the sports program too. But you can do it in a strategic way where you don't have to be at every athletic event for every minute of every game. • • We'll get to that in a couple minutes. • • • Um, other times, other places where joy is happening on your campus after school is after school programming for the lower school kids. So maybe the ones that are, uh, depending on your school, a little young for, • • • • • um, • organized sports or for the musical, • • um, production is, you know, they're having a chess club or they're having a science club, or • it's Mighty Kick Soccer or, you know, those kinds of things too. • • Your science fair. Even the day of giving, you know, you've got Thanksgiving and then you've got Black Friday and Small Business Saturday, and then you've got Cyber Monday. But then Tuesday is day of giving. Most of you know that. And • • at our school, we have kids who, in • • • • middle, um, • school who will stay and make phone calls to potential donors or people who donated in the past and ask them to make a donation again to the school. And just hanging out with the kids and they get some pizza and they're happy to be there and volunteer. • Um, • • you know, fundraisers, car washes, you know, different things like that. And I'm not saying you need to be at all of them. I'm just trying to give you this long list and remind you that • those four walls in your office, the things that happen inside your office, • • sometimes some of them are happy things. • • But • there are a lot more joyful, happy things happening on your campus than what's happening in your office. And the reason you got into education in the first place was because of the joy and the happiness and the loud voices and the • • laughter and the excited, um, • you know, tone of voice and all of those things. • • But I think that the longer that we are school leaders, and especially the higher up that we go in our leadership journey on the org chart, • the further we get away from those moments. But it doesn't have to be that way. • • So then what are some of the benefits • • • • • to going to the joy? • • There's joy on your campus. It's just not in your office. Well, first of all, a, uh, benefit is your social emotional health, your mental health • • making you happy. • • Um, a little dopamine • • reducing stress, elevating your mood. • • Um, you know, less cortisol, more dopamine, • • • • • um, just being in those spots to engage with or observe or see those happy kids. • • • • And • another benefit is, is that it reconnects you with your purpose and meaning as a school leader. • • You know, many of us came up through as teachers, • • and we were maybe even a teaching principal. Like, I Was for many years. • • But again, like I said, the further you get into your career and the higher, the bigger your school gets. And maybe if you move up from a division head to head of school, then, you know, we keep getting further and further away • • from those moments of joy. And I know that some of you out there, maybe I'm preaching to the choir a little bit because you do regularly, • • um, • you know, engage. I coach a guy in Missouri who, you know, every single day he's in the lunchroom, um, either serving lunch or hang out with the teachers at the table where the teachers sit and eat or hang out with the kids or all of the above every single day. It's a non negotiable and some of you have your non negotiables. But I just think based on talking to a lot of my clients and a lot of students in Thrive Academy office hours, • that this is something that we wish that we had more time to do. I really wish I had more time to blank. • • And usually the thing that's filling in that blank has something to do with these joyful moments and it has something to do with being in classrooms more. • • So. • • • Other benefits, in addition to connecting, reconnecting you with your purpose and meaning, there's just physical benefits from being up and moving around. That's why I love recess so much. It checks so many boxes. It kills so many birds with one stone. You re, um, I'm, um, up, • • • I'm, um, moving, physically, getting fresh air, • • um, interacting with kids. • • Um, there's just so many benefits to that and just being up and moving through the school. • • Um, our school has four floors and so there's a lot of stairs. And so again, more physical benefits to just being up and moving. • • Um, • • other benefits. Visible leaders are more respected, seen as more credible and seen as more trustworthy from • • • • the, um, employees of that organization. So at your school, when you're a visible leader, • • • • the respect is going to increase that you get it, um, that you're credible, that you're there, that you are supportive. • • All of the things that you're looking for, • • being visible and being out and about so that you can engage with those joyous, happy moments on campus, have a double, triple benefit because of the way that the staff is going to perceive and react to that. • And then speaking of staff, I really believe strongly that being a visible leader and being out and about in the school leads to a, uh, higher retention of staff. That's hard to measure. But you know, stronger relationships lead to an enhanced school culture, leads to higherire, • um, Your predict the predictability of you being visible, and then also you just interacting and building those relationships. • • • That all leads to psychological safety, which definitely • enhances school culture. • • And then also retention of students. Because I've mentioned it before on the podcast that when I'm out and about in the school, then I'm also taking pictures on my phone. And then when I'm warming up my lunch for six minutes once a day, I'm pulling out my phone and looking at my photo gallery from the previous 24 hours • and then, you know, hitting send on some of those photos to the parents. • • Happy kids doing interesting things, • • • • photos of those things happening, being sent to parents is going to increase • student retention. • • Um, it can even boost your creativity. Um, because you're out and about and you're thinking, oh, yeah, well, we could do this or that or the other thing. And, um, when you see these things happening in real time, it also boosts your creativity for problem solving and be like, okay, y saw, but that classroom seemed really crowded or they didn't have access to this. And so • another one is just, you're modeling that positive leadership that you and I both want to display. • • Um, but it's very difficult to get out of our offices. •
You need to be intentional about going to the joy on your campus
And right before I jump into the strategies and that's how we're going to wrap up this episode, is giving you a few strategies on how to make sure that you are going to the joy that's on your campus. I do want to just pause and acknowledge that it is really hard to get out of our office. • • • • I said before, your plate is full, • • • it gets more full. • And you're trying your best and you have good intentions and you really, really want to get out more, • • and you just can't because things keep happening wave after wave after wave. • • And this is especially true if you have a fairly big school and a fairly lean leadership team. And maybe the leadership team is you. • • • • • But • • • you still need to derive those benefits from going to the joy. • • The mental health, • the dopamine, the joy, the reconnecting with why the heck am I doing this? And why is this so hard? • • It just continues to remind you, oh, yeah, • • this is why. • • And so even though it is true that it's very difficult to get out and about and get to these places that I'm mentioning at these moments, • • • it's still very, very, very beneficial in many, many ways. • • So I just want to acknowledge that. I'm not saying this is easy. I'm not saying that it's, you know, um, like falling off a log to just be able to go to the Joy. • • And really what you need are a couple strategies to be intentional and make sure that it happens. You know, that we're all about being intentional on this podcast and so that's what we're going to do now.
Being strategic about going to after school events can help boost school joy
So let's talk a little bit of uh, what are some strategies that you can use to make sure that you are going to the joy that exists on your campus? • • So the first one is to be strategic. • And I would say that a little goes a long way. And so what I mean is let's not go • • if you just are really, really • • • • • at a point where this is almost non existent or it doesn't happen very much what I'm talking about, then let's just add a little bit, you know, maybe 15 minutes twice a week. Like we can't treat this like it's a New Year's resolution or like it's quitting smoking cold turkey, • um, because it's going to be too big and then it's not going to be sustainable. So a little goes a long way. You know, those interactions. • • U. Um, • and then another thing about being strategic, I was talking before about those after school events. • • You know, often what I'll do, whether it's a basketball game and it's a, uh, JV in a varsity game back to back or if it's a soccer game on the soccer field and it's a jv, a varsity game back to back, • • you know, I'll go for halfime. I'll go at halftime in the first game and stay till half time of the second game. And so, um, I'm supporting the kids, I'm supporting the coaches. • • I'm um, let's face it, making appearance and being seen by the parents, but also kind of vibing with the kids in between games and off on the sideline there. And but I didn't stay for both games all the way till the end of the game and then get caught up with parents and all that. You know, halftime to halfime is a pretty good strategy. And that just gives you a thought about how you can be creative, • • um, when you're being strategic about going to the Joy, but especially when it comes to after school events. • • And then strategy number two is to make it known. • And so what I mean by that is, is that you need to let your teachers know • • • • that you really, really want them to email you when something is happening. Now you're not going to be able to make it to all those things, • • but you're not going to make it to Any of those things if you don't know they're happening, unless it's just blind luck that you happen to show up. So I'm talking about when the seventh graders are testing their robots on the little course that they've made in the computer room. • • Um, the fourth graders are testing their catapults that they built in, um, science class. • • Um, • • the eighth graders are, • • you know, recording their, or not recording, but they're rehearsing their song that they're going to sing at eighth grade graduation. • • • Um, this group's playing a song on the ukulele. Um, these kids are dissecting. I remember one time 8th grade algebra teacher said, hey, we're doing Barbie bungee. I didn't know what Barbie bungee was, but they're somehow doing a thing with a Barbie doll on a bungee cord, a bunch of rubber bands • • to do a scatter plot diagram. Maybe some of you know what that is. Um, I still don't know what that is. But when these things are happening and you know that they are, and then you can put it into your calendar and I'll get to that in a moment. And again, it's just five or 10 minutes that you're going, um, • and showing up and being there and it's fun for you. • • But there's also all of those other benefits as well.
One strategy is to claim some white space on your schedule
And that leads me to strategy number three, which is claim some white space. So I've talked about that before on the podcast about claiming white space. And really what it is is that • I think on Friday afternoon or on Sunday afternoon, when you're looking at the week ahead, • • • you've got your things that you have to do and they're in your schedule. • And • • even though that takes up a lot of time, and I know that we have teaching principals listening and you've got your fifth grade language arts class or your seventh grade social studies class, and that's in there too. • Um, but there's still going to be white space on your calendar. And so you can claim • • just across the board on many of the days, you know, your quote unquote morning rounds, you know, you're going to get around to the classrooms or you're going toa be in the halls during arrival. Um, you know, whatever it is, • • these things that I'm talking about, when you know that they're happening, whether it's recess or lunch, you just claim that and you put it in there and you treat it like an important appointment, like it's with a donor or like it's with a board Member and then only the true emergencies are going to keep you from going to the thing. • • And remember, start small, • but be intentional and claim the white space. And so for me, • • um, just a quick example is, • you know, the recess lunch block for me is a non negotiable unless there is, • • um, um, a meeting, • um, of the middle school teachers or the intermediate school teachers. And that's when we meet • because it's easier to get coverage for recess than it is to get coverage for a bunch of classes. • • And so almost every day, you know, that recessed lunch block, • • um, • • • • • • I'm able to see the kids and interact with the kids and kind of, • um, in an informal way and • • ask them questions and • • • • • similarly with the teachers because most of the teachers that I supervise are either on lunch duty or recess duty. And you know, maybe you can't do that every way every day, but can you do it once a week? I think the answer is yes. Like, we have to get past these limiting beliefs in this scarcity mindset about time. • Because here's the problem. • When we go week after week after week, and then you stop and you wonder, did I even see a kid today • or did I see a kid yesterday? • • Um, because you're just up to your elbows in work. I get that. • But • • • re. • • • • • • We're losing the joy of why we're losing the purpose and the connection to the meaningful work when we're not interacting with kids, when we're not interacting with teachers. • And so • • • • • even if you start small, Even if it's • 15 minutes twice a week, • um, and then you build from there, just start. • • • And then, um, two last strategies. One is the weekly pop in. I've described this before on the podcast, but I'll do it quickly again here • once a week for an hour. • • Um, um, supervising fourth through eighth grade each. That's five grades. Each grade has two homerooms. So at any given time all of my students will be at one of, they'll be in 10 spots. Okay? And the kids are on second, third or fourth floor. And so let's say it's Wednesdays from 11 to 12. • • I will start on the fourth floor and I'll just spend five minutes wherever kids are. • • So I walk into the music room. 4A is in there, and then I go out to the gym and 7B is out there. And then I go down to the science room on the third floor and you know, • • um, seven uh, or eight A is in there. So you know what I mean? And then you're five minutes, • • um, just kind of like you know, hanging out and seeing what they're doing. And, you know, I would definitely recommend that you let the teachers know ahead of time if this is something that you're going to start. And also be very clear about why you're doing this. It's not a gotcha. It's just that, you know, just be honest. You want to get out and about more and you want to be intentional. And so you're just going toa schedule this. You can even let them know when, um, • you know, it doesn't have to be a big secret. And at first they're gonna think it's weird, and at first they're gonna think you need a student because you're just showing up at their door and it's the first time you showed up in their room all year. But they'll get used to it, and then it'll be like a drug for you. I'm serious. Like, you • • that one hour, or, you know, maybe it's 30 minutes once a week, and you hit up half of the kids, or depending on how big your school is and how, you know, many classes you want to get to, you have to spread it out over multiple weeks. But the point is, is that it's a practice that you're starting and it's something that you're working on, you're prioritizing it, and it's just, oh, man, there's so many benefits. You know, what's going on in the classes. You have that vibe as far as, like, which kids are discipline challenges and how these certain teachers are handling it. Uh, the newer teachers, the more veteran teachers, • • um, • • • all of those things. But most importantly, quite honestly, you're going to all the places where the joy is happening and you're just interacting with them. And I just call it the weekly pop in. Um, and it's on my schedule. And so • • it's possible. And if you have to scale that down in duration and frequency, then that's fine, but just start. • • And then the last strategy is scheduled lunchtime with the kids. And so • • • I started doing this back in 2014, • • where we have trimesters at our school. And so once a trimester lunch with Mr. Mincus, and it was the fifth graders, we divide them up into groups of about, um, five or six kids. • • And then once a trimester, let's say there's 30 kids in the class, • • there would be five days then where I would have lunch to five or six days to be able to get all those groups, the five or six groups. • • And, um, • then just ask them Questions, you know, and some of them can be silly, like, what's your favorite, um, video game? Or, you know, but I would get into like, you know, what are some ideas for improving the school? Or what questions do you have about your big, um, end of the year trip that's coming up? Or for fifth grade, what do you have? What questions do you have about middle school? And that was how it started in 2014. We were trying to solve a retention crisis of losing fifth graders to sixth grade, but we solved that within a year or two. And then I just kept doing it for ten years after that. • Um, and so my point is, is that if it's on your schedule even once a week and it's a group of kids, • • um, it's going to make a big difference for you and for them. • • And so again, the, uh, oh, and then one other thing would be just like weekly story time. So if you just had one thing that you added to your calendar and it was 15 minutes in your entire week, and you went and you read a story or two to the little kids, • • um, whatever that definition of little kids is to, in your school, • • um, • • • • it would make a big difference • • for you as far. And for them, you know, that's the thing. It makes a difference for you, it makes a difference for them. • • And so what are our big takeaways? We want to be strategic. • • • • We want to make it known to the teachers that, to let us know when they're • doing their skits or their presentations or they're dissecting or, you know, they're doing something fun in this club, they're having a debate, whatever. We're going to claim some white space. • • We're going to • • consider doing that weekly. Pop in in some form or fashion. Some. You, you make it your own. I described what it looks like for me, • • um, scheduled lunchtime with kids, you know, once a week or twice a month even, and, or a weekly story time. And here's the thing. Your call to action is to just claim some white space • • • • in the next week, • • 15 minutes twice. So for 30 minutes, and if you do the math on what 30 minutes is as a percentage of your work hours of the week, it's going to be an incredibly small percentage. • • But if you, twice a week for 15 minutes are, uh, leaving your office and going to the joy on your campus, • you, uh, • • • are going to have a disproportionate positive • • • mental health and physical • • • aspect and benefit from doing that. And so the call to action is in the next week, claim some white space. • • 15 minutes twice a week or 30 minutes once a week, where you're going to be going to the joy. And remember, the Joy • • • is on your campus. It's just not in your office. • •
Mark Menckeus: Six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit
And so I want to wrap it up by giving you another free gift. And this is called six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit. And we know that we want to keep our staff and students safe, and that's our priority. We want to keep our school out of court • because litigation is expensive and time consuming and stressful. And so this is a common sense guide that can help you be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. So if you go to the privatescchooler.comlawsuit, you can grab the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit for free. Just to say thank you for listening to the podcast. • • And then, uh, one last question. What's your biggest problem at school right now? • • • • I would love to work with you one on one and help you solve that problem. And I'd love to hear more about that problem. And I have a couple coaching spots open right now, so • • go over to the privatescguer.com coaching • and learn a little more and read some testimonials. And again, I'd love to work with you one on one. And I would really appreciate it if you would share the podcast, the link to the podcast with another leader, school leader in your life and another, perhaps a rising leader at your school so that we can continue to spread this message and to help private school leaders • • grow. And remember, it's all about trying to go from where we are to having that long and happy and • • fulfilling, uh, • • • career as a private school leader. So I've been your host, Mark Menckeus. I just want to say I appreciate you and all the amazing work that you do at your school. Thank you so much for taking some time to join me here today. And I'll see you next time right here on the Private School Leader podcast. Ah. • • And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
Jan 4, 2025 • 35min
Episode 116: Answer These 3 Questions To Have A Great Start To 2025
During the first week of the year, you will often see commercials for gym memberships, smoking cessation products and storage bins of all shapes and sizes. We all know why we see so many of these commercials, right?
“New year, new you!”
Many of us think that, “This will be the year that I finally get in shape, stop smoking and organize the garage!” Well, whether or not you are a fan of making new year’s resolutions, I want to give you a framework for starting the year strong and setting yourself up for a great second half to your school year.
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to Answer These 3 Questions To Have A Great Start To 2025
Thank you for listening to the podcast every week. You are making a difference in the lives of the students, teachers and parents at your school. I know that what you do is difficult, exhausting and lonely. Your hard work inspires me to keep making weekly content to try to encourage and inspire you as you serve your school.
Thanks for all you do,
Mark Minkus
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having A Successful Meeting With An Upset Parent. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode116
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
• Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and leave their schools. I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • So if you're listening to this in real time, it's early January, • • and you have just experienced one of the weirdest years. • Excuse me, weirdest weeks of the year. • • And that week • • • is the week between Christmas Day and New Year's Day. It's a pretty weird week. • And, uh, schedules kind of go out the window. And you eat when you're hungry and you sleep when you're tired. And you know, we're, we're very schedule oriented people. Our • lives are pretty well managed and controlled by the school calendar and by the bell schedule. But that all goes out the window in that week between Christmas Day and New Year's Day. • And then also, if you're watching anything on tv, you'll see lots of commercials for gym memberships, • for things that help you quit smoking, • • and big sales at stores on, you know, bins, and things that will help you get organized. And of course, that's all about the new Year. New you, • • um, you know, New Year's resolutions, • • • um, trying to improve yourself and as that calendar flips to January 1st, • that we want to look forward and we want to get it all together and have a great year. • • • • • But I've never really been a big fan of New Year's resolutions. • • Um, I was looking at a recent survey, and it said that about 80% of people • • who make New Year's resolutions are very confident that they will keep them. • • But only about 9% of New Year's resolutions • • • • actually last through the year. • • So with a 91% failure rate, • • new Year's resolutions are pretty hard to keep. • • And so the reason that I'm talking about New Year's resolutions • • • is because • there is still time • for the second half of the school year to be the best, • • to make this the best school year that you've ever had. • And like I said, if you're listening in real time, it's early January • and there is still time. • • • • Even if you're listening to this later than that, there's still time to make this the best year ever, to make 2025, • • uh, a really great year. And certainly to have a great year, you have to get off to a great start. And so, on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, • • we are going to answer three questions • • • that will help us have a great start to 2025. • • •
The six things that every private school teacher wants from their leader
But before we get to that, I want to give you a free gift to say thank you for listening to the podcast. • • And this is called the six Things that Every Private School Teacher Wants from Their Leader. And this guide is a six page PDF that I think can be a real game changer for you. And I guarantee you that if you do these six things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. • • And you can pick up your free guide by going to thepr privatescchoolade leader.com guide to get the six things that every Private School Teacher Wants from their leader. And you may have heard me talk about this guide before on the podcast. Maybe you've even downloaded it before. But I'd encourage you to either go back and look at it again or to download it, because • • • • these six things, you know, since we're in the mindset of starting a year, having a great year, getting 2025 off to a great start, • these six things are really the key to you and your leadership at your school. So check that out. Um, it's there for you for free, and you can download that@the privatescchoolade leader.com • • guide. • • • And, you know, I want to tell you something that you already know, • and that is, is that being a private school leader is a very, very, very, very difficult job. • • • You know, you have to make hundreds of decisions every day and you have to keep everyone safe and increase enrollment and keep the parents happy and keep the board happy and motivate your teachers and keep your teachers and deal with student discipline and • • increase retention and just beat last year's test scores and oh, by the way, • you know, come in under budget and you know, when all that's said and done, then make sure you take care of yourself • • • • • so we know what that leads to. It leads to feeling tired and overwhelmed and discouraged and stressed out. And I've been there. You've heard my story. • • • And you know, at the beginning of every episode, I say that I believe that it is possible for you to have a long and happy and fulfilling careers as a private school leader. And I want to ask you a question. Is that what you want? • • • Do you want to go from • • feeling the way that you felt during the first half of this school year, • • feeling the way that you felt in November and December, just trying to make it to winter break? • • Do you want to go from that to feeling energized and fulfilled and actually looking forward to going to school. • • I know that might sound like a pipe dream, but it is possible. And I can guide you through this transformation step by step, strategy by strategy. • • And if you would, check out the online course called Thrive Academy. • • Everything that I've learned over the past 33 years • • of how to do this, this thing that we do, but how to do it in a way that makes you feel happy and fulfilled and takes good care of yourself and your family. • • • Just check it out over@the privatescgluter.com thrive • • • and it has been, uh, • • • a life changing course for dozens of Thrive Academy students. And I want you to get that same benefit. So check out Thrive Academy over@the privatescgluter.com • • thrive. • •
This podcast is all about ensuring your school year is best by the last day
Okay, so today's episode is all about one thing, • • • and that is ensuring • by the last day of school. You can say, • • that was my best school year ever. You know, if you were to talk to someone on the last day of school, maybe it's a parent, maybe it's a family member that you haven't seen in a while and they ask you, oh, okay, it's around the last day of school. How was your school year? That was the best school year ever. • • • Now, I know what you're thinking. You're like, yeah, right. • Um, um, • • • you know, the first half of the year was not good. • • Well, there's still plenty of time in this school year. • • • And I know that it may feel like, like you're already deep into that grind • • and deep into the school year and you are. But • I, um, need you to trust me here, • • • that there is still time • • • and you have the power • • to make the second half • • of this school year • • • better • • and to make it • • • that you could stop on the last day of school and look back and be like, that was the best school year that I've ever had. • • And so how on earth is that possible? Well, it starts with visualizing a very specific moment. • • And I'll talk about that more in a moment. And then the next step is to ask yourself three very powerful questions • • • and then • • to make sure that those answers are true. • • • And I'm going to take good care of you because, um, I've created a worksheet that will have these three questions on it. • • You can print it out on your printer or on the copy machine • • and just take, • you know, 15 or 20 minutes • • and • answer these questions, jot down some thoughts • • and you will, • • • • uh, • • I'm telling you, this is something that can absolutely change • • • the second half of your school year. So that on the last day of school, • • you can feel like this was the best school year ever. • • So I know that that might be hard to believe, but I'm just asking you to hang in there with me and I will walk you through it. • • • • • So, depending on • • whether you're. Usually most of you listen to this podcast while you're running errands or commuting or working out or doing errands, um, • • • • and walking the dog. Those kinds of things. That's awesome. • Um, • and if there are a few of you • • who • • want to actually have this worksheet • • • while you're doing. While you're listening to the podcast, • • you could go to the privatekoolator.com episode 106, and that will be there for you in the show notes. But most of you will probably just want to listen and then go back and print that out at a point in the future, the near future, hopefully, and then go through and jot some things down on that worksheet.
The first step is to visualize the last day of school
So I said that the first step is to visualize. So let me tell you what you're going to visualize. I want you to think about this. • • • • It's the last day of school. • • • • The kids have left for the day, the kids have left for the summer. • • • And even though you probably have a couple of teacher PD days left, • • • your teachers have left for the day. • • • And so there's all the excitement, • there's all the relief, there's the feeling tired, • • • there's the feeling good about, you know, we checked that box and we got that school year under our belt. • • • And certainly it's not like your summer has begun, because there's still a lot to do to wrap up the school year. But very specifically, I want you to visualize that you're in your office, you're at your desk, • • • • the school year has just finished, the kids have just left, and the teachers have left, • • • and you're feeling some relief, you're feeling tired. • • • • • Last day of school. So do you have that in your head? • • Okay, so that's what you're visualizing. • • • And then on that last day of school, in that moment, sitting at your desk, you're going to ask yourself • • three questions, • • • • and I'm going to walk you through each of those questions. Now, here's the part that's going to be the thing that makes the difference. • • • • • • We're not going to wait until the last day of school to ask these questions. • • We're going to ask these questions of ourselves today. • • • • And then we're going to do a couple of things • • to make sure that the answers that we give • • today • • are actually true when we ask ourselves this question again • • on the last day of school. • • Okay, so we're kind of getting in our time machine. We're going into the future to the last day of this school year, • asking ourselves these three questions, • • • and then we're going to take a couple of action steps to make sure that these answers are true • when the last day of school actually rolls around. • •
How do you want to feel on the last day of school about your work
All right, question number one. • On the last day of school, • • how do I want to feel • • about my job • • at school? How do I want to feel • • about my job? • • • • So, you know, this is kind of the foundation of, • • you know, uh, we try not to have it be that our identity is the school. But • • being a private school leader, it's a huge part of our life. And so, you know, we want to connect to things that are meaningful. We want to have a purpose in our life. We want to work hard to make a difference in the lives of kids and teachers and families. • • And so we do. And. And this is a lot of work, but it's also stressful, • • exhausting, and it can be overwhelming. But when you • • look back on the school year, on the last day of school, how do you want to feel about your job? • • • Do you want to feel fulfilled? Do you want to feel proud? Do you want to feel energized by what you accomplished during the school year? Do you want to feel like you made a difference? Do you want to feel like you had a significant impact on your students and on your teachers? • • • Do you want to feel like you grew as a leader? • • Do you want to feel like you were, • • uh, effective in improving the culture at your school? • • • • • • • • What do you want to feel? How do you want to feel • • • • on that last day of school about your work? • • • • Now, I just want to pause and I want to say, you know what, these feelings are possible • • because here's the thing. We. This is obviously aspirational. • • • We want to. We're not going to say, o, uh, I want to feel terrible. I want to feel overwhelmed, burn out, and one step out of the hospital. Of course, that's not what we're going to aspire to do. • • • • • • • • These feelings • • • are aspirational, but these feelings are also possible. But these feelings don't • come true • • • by accident. • • • • • And so to get there, we're going to be intentional. • • You know, this podcast is all about taking action and being intentional. • • • And so every decision you make • • • • now • • and the things that you do between today • • and the last day of school • need to be aligned • • • with the answers to those questions about how you want to feel • • • • so let's, let's talk strategy.
80% of school leaders say they want to get into classrooms more often
Okay? And I, and I am going to try to keep this simple. • And again, • • • • this will be on the worksheet at the on the show notes. • • And you can work through this and just jot a few things down. But your actionable strategy for question number one • • • is that you're going to pick two things that you want. • • • • • • • So let's say that one thing that you want, you want to get into classrooms more often during the second half of the year. • • • • And the reason I bring that one up is because with my coaching clients and with my Thrive Academy students, I would say that at least 80% • • of school leaders, private school leaders, when I say, • • • • what is the thing that you wish that you could do more of at school? Or, you know, finish this sentence, I really wish I had more time to blank. • • • I'd say it's about 80% that say, I need to get into classrooms more often. Okay, • • • • so you're going to pick two things that you want to be able to say, • • yeah, I got into classrooms more often. That was great. Or maybe I checked email less often. I really got a handle on my, • um, email inbox. And you're like, yeah, right. Well, I'll link in the show notes. A recent episode called • your email inbox is a chronological list of everyone else's priorities. • • And it gives you some strategies as to how to get in in, you know, in control of your email inbox. • Maybe you think back on the • • second, uh, • • half of the school year and you think, well, I want to improve the culture. • • • I, uh, want to hang on to my teachers. I want to • • follow through with parents with more courage and consistency because I've been really letting that sl clip. • • • So the key here is to not get a long list, • • but to just pick two, • because I think if you pick more than two, it becomes overwhelming and it's very unlikely that it's going to happen. • • • • And so let's say • that you pick that. One of the ones that you pick is, I want to get into classrooms more often. So step one is to pick two things. Step two is to schedule it. • • • • • • So what do I mean by schedule it? Well, we have good intentions, • • but if we don't schedule our good intentions, they are never going to happen. • • And so if you want to get into classrooms more often, • • you have to put it into your calendar as an appointment with yourself • • and then treat that appointment like it was a doctor's appointment that took you six months to get. • • Treat that appointment like it is the most important, • • • uh, donor, uh, to Your school • that is coming to the school to meet with you to talk about a gift to the school. • • • • • So if you • • • • • • • have these, • • • um, ideas in your head and you have these actionable strategies, • then you're going to be able to, • • um, just pick, like I said, pick one or two of these strategies • • and schedule it into your calendar and then, you know, treat it with the importance that it deserves. • • And a quick example of getting into classrooms. I've mentioned it before on the podcast. What I do is once a week I have an hour where it says pop ins • • on my calendar. • • And in charge, being in charge of fourth through eighth grade, • I • • go to, • uh, I have, uh, fourth, three, eighth grade, and I have two sections, two homerooms per grade. So that means my students are in 10 different locations at any given time. • And so let's say it's Wednesday, third period, and you know, all of my students are on the second, third or fourth floor in the building. And I'll go up to the fourth floor and I'll go to either the gym or the music room or whatever and just find a group of my students. And then I stay for five minutes and I interact and I, um, um, you know, • um, just enjoy being there and um, um, finding out what they're doing and just being in that room. As soon as that five minutes are out, boom, I'm on to the next room. And so five minutes per room, 10 locations for my kids, • • that's 50 minutes. And then build in a few minutes for traveling between rooms. And that's the hour. And so I've accomplished popping in, • um, being visible, getting into those classrooms more often. And it's an hour a week. Is an hour a week a lot? Yes and no. But, you know, it. It's about intention and it's about how important this is to you, and it's about how much you want to feel that way on the last day of school that, yes, I did accomplish those things. Um, and so we're going to decide what they are, and then we're going to schedule it. And then the last thing that we'll do, and this will be repeated in question number two. And question three is that once a week, I would suggest either on a Friday afternoon or maybe on a Sunday. But you're going to schedule 15 minutes • and you're going to start a timer • • • and you're going to spend five minutes reflecting on each of the three questions. Five minutes times three, 15 minutes. And you're going to ask yourself, you know, check in with yourself, how's it Going, • um, you're going to celebrate the small wins. You're going to course correct if needed. Because if you • • just decide that you're going to do the thing, • • but then you don't ever check up or check in or track it or • make adjustments or celebrate, when you actually do get into that classroom, then this isn't going to have any staying power and it's not going to happen. And so, um, question number one, how do you want to feel on the last day of school? And we're going to pick two things. We're going to put them into our schedule, and then at the end of the week, once a week, we're going to take a few minutes to reflect and then, um, • celebrate, or course, correct as needed. • • • •
How do you want to feel about your mental health and physical health
Okay, question number two • is, on the last day of school, how do I want to feel about my mental health and physical health? • • So now let's talk about you for a moment. • • Um, you know, as school leaders, it's easy to put everything and everyone before yourself. I was just talking to a coaching client this morning, and I asked her, I said, so are you at the bottom of the list or are you just not on the list? Because it was one or the other. And so that is kind of true about us, but it's not a good thing for our mind and our body and for the sustainability of this hard job that we do. And so if you're not taking care of yourself, it's impossible • • to • lead effectively and it's, um, impossible to have • • a good finish to the school year or a good 20, 25. • • And listen, you are your most valuable asset. You know, you can get another house, • • you could get another car, you could get new clothes, • • you could get all new furniture in your house. If, you know, there, if something happened, • • • • • here's the thing, there's only one you. • • • • You can't get another you. • • • And by extension, you know, you only have one family, your loved ones, your spouse, your partner, your kids, your friends. • • And so • • we need to focus on how you want to feel about your mental health and physical health. So again, let's do the visualization and then let's do the actionable strategy. And a reminder that this will all be in a worksheet that you can just use to, um, go through this thought exercise • • and then operationalize it. And that'll be in the show notes. • So you're sitting at your desk. It's the last day of school, the teachers have left, the kids have left. That's starting to get quiet in the building, and you're going to • ask yourself, • • • • • • how do, how do I feel? How do I feel physically? How do I feel mentally? Do you want to feel energized and clear headed and strong, physically strong • • and feel healthy? Feel that, feel that energy. Do you want to feel mentally balanced and able to handle stress better than before? Do you want to feel a little less anxious? • • I mean, these things are possible. • • Um, I'm confident that they're possible. I know that that sounds like a pipe dream, but they're possible. So what's our strategy? So • • you're going to list your • • • health non negotiables. • • And again, I said before in question number one, I think we need to start small. Don't list 15 things that you're going to do about your health. Pick two. • • • And so maybe it is, • • • • • • um, • • • • • going to bed at a certain time • • • and um, • • maybe it's drinking more water during the day. Okay? • • Um, so pick two non negotiables for your health, • • • um, and then block off time, • • • • put it into your schedule so that this happens. So for example, one of the reasons that most of us don't go to bed when we should to get the amount of sleep that we want or that we need is because we don't start getting ready for bed at a given time. We're always surprised. Oh, I didn't realize it was so late. • Whether we're working, whether we're watching something on tv, um, • • you know, whatever it might be. And so • • to put into your schedule at X time, you know, the little reminder goes off and that's, you know, you starting your nighttime routine to get ready for bed. And some of you have a 30 second nighttime routine and some have a much longer one. But whatever it is, • • um, if that's in your calendar, you're going to get more sleep, bottom line. And then also, you know, moving your body, um, I've not been that consistent when it comes to • • exercise. • • Um, but • • you know, moving your body, even at school you can kill two birds with one stone. If you put into your schedule you want to be more visible and you want to pop into classrooms. You know, we all get kind of trapped in our office but just being up and moving, you know, my office is on the third floor and so that requires a lot of steps. Um, um, and you know, just getting up and, and getting moving around, um, um, in the building. But that's not going to happen unless we schedule it. Um, um. • • And so we're gonna, you know, make it realistic. We're gonna only pick two and then we're going toa schedule it, and that's the physical health. And then for mental health, • • um, I, um, just would say to be. • • For being reactive. • • Um, um, • • that when things happen and we're all stressed out and, and the fight or flight kicks in, the autonomic nervous system gets dysregulated. That we're going to get better at regulating our autonomic nervous system. So some, some breathing, some mindfulness, um, um, a dec caastrophizing worksheet, • um, drinking water first thing in the morning when you get up, when you're the most dehydrated. All of those things can help regulate your autonomic nervous system. So that's reactive and then proactive. Um, I would say to start a gratitude practice. Gratitude, • • um, has so many • positive benefits for your physical and your mental health. • Um, and so those are just two suggestions. But the bottom line is, is to just think about this question. On the last day of school, how do I want to feel about my mental health and physical health? • • Remember, you're telling someone that this was the best school year, best year of my life, of my career. • • • So what has to be true on the last day of school for you to feel that way about your physical health and your mental health? And when you decide what that is, then you're going to put a couple things into your calendar that will actually make that happen. • • • And then again, • • the final thing that we're going to do with each of these questions • is this. Catch all 15 minutes at the end of the week where we're going to set a timer and check in with yourself and you're going to ask these three questions. You're going to spend five minutes or less on each question to just check in • and celebrate the wins. Correct course, correct if needed. Don't beat yourself up if it's not happening. Just get yourself back on track. • •
How do you want to feel about your relationships on the last day of school
And then that brings us to number question number three. • On the last day of school, how do I want to feel about my relationships with my family? • • So we know how draining and how demanding our jobs are. • • • Um, but the relationships that matter the most, you know, my relationship with my wife, with my daughters, • • um, • • • they're so, so important to my overall well being. And the same is true for you, • • whoever is in your inner circle, whoever is your • • family, your loved ones. • • And so I want you again to visualize the last day of school. • • You're at your desk, the teachers have left, • • the students have left, started their summer break • and you're sitting there and the school'starting to get quiet. • • • How do you want to feel • • • about • • your loved ones. Do you want to feel like you're connected and that you've been present with your loved ones? • • • You certainly don't want to feel that guilt that you've experienced in the past with not, you know, the school invading so much time that you just can't be present. • • • Um, • and, you know, do you, do you want to feel like you've spent intentional time nurturing those relationships and being more effective at balancing • • • • • work and home and all your responsibilities? Listen, I have regrets • • about, you know, the time that I didn't spend with my wife, that I didn't spend with my daughters, • • and that got better because I got more intentional. But I don't want you to have those regrets. And so we're going to ask ourselves that question • • and then we're going to do something about it. So a couple of suggestions. • • When you decide • • how you want to feel, • • • • • • then you have to ask yourself, okay, what would make that possible? • And again, it has to do with your calendar. So I think one of the biggest ways to do this is to schedule • • intentional device free time into your schedule with your loved ones. And I think the device free part is key • because our smartphones are the electronic leash and the portal to all of the work at school • and it's always with us. And that means that it's just one tap away from being in your email inbox • or, you know, doing things, doing work for school. • • And I know that everyone's at a different season in their leadership journey. Everyone has a different sized school, everyone has a different sized team from one to many. • • Um, • and that, you know, • • • one size doesn't fit all when it comes to what's possible when it comes to your ability to be present at home. • • • But it's really, really important for us to put away our phone and to avoid school emails for at least a portion of the weeknight and the weekend • and to focus on that time with our loved ones, our spouse, our partner, our children. • • • Um, maybe you have an elderly parent that lives with you. • • • Um, we don't want to have those regrets. And so • how are we going to do this? Well, you're just going to decide how do I want to feel on that day? • • • Get specific • • • on that last day of school • • and then decide • • • • one thing that you're going to do and put it in your calendar. And I, if you're, if you're struggling for a suggestion on that one thing, • • to schedule in some device free free time, maybe it's the first hour after you get home, • • um, and then you have to Check in with work a little bit, you know, later after you get home. But, um, um, • and, and then, you know, the third or the final thing with each of these three questions is that you're going to schedule 15 minutes at the end of the week • • • where you're going to check in with yourself. You're going to ask these five question these three questions, five minutes per question max. • • And then you're going to celebrate the wins. You're not going to be too hard on yourself if you don't do the thing and then you're going to just get back on track. • • • So the big takeaways are • • we want to • • • • have the best 2025, the best start 2025. We want to have • • • an outstanding second half of our school year. Well, how are we going to do that? Well, first we're going to visualize that it's the last day of school and that you're at your desk and you're going to ask yourself these three questions. • • Number one, on the last day of school, how do I want to feel about my work? How do want to feel about my job at school? • • Number two, on the last day of school, how do I want to feel about my mental health and physical health? • • And number three, on the last day of school, how do I want to feel about my relationships with my loved ones? • • • • • And you're going toa then pick one or two things that you want • • • and schedule it into your calendar and make it a regular thing every week. Every, every day or at least weekly. • And then once a week at the end of the week, you're going to just review and just take some time to reflect and adjust. • • • And you know, a final reminder • • that • • uh, and here's your call to action as well. Um, um, the in the show notes at the privatechool leader.com episode 106. Um, I'll put an easy to use worksheet there that'have the three questions that will help you to just go through this, print it out and just jot some things down and then put it into your calendar. • •
Mark Mincus: 5 Strategies to Help you work with difficult parents
Okay, um, as we wrap up the episode, I want to give you another free gift and that is called 5 Strategies to Help you work with difficult parents. • • And we know that working with parents is part of the job and that most of our parents are great, but some of them can be pretty demanding and emotional and difficult. • And this guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. And so go to the privatescoolade leader.com parents to grab the five strategies to work with difficult parents. • • And then I have one last question for you, and that is, what is your biggest problem at school right now? What's your biggest problem at school? • • Well, I would love to hear more about that and I would love to work with you one on one and help you solve that problem. • • And • • I have uh, a few coaching spots open right now • • and you could set up a free 20 minute. Um, um, get to know you zoom call with me. Um, um, just by going to the privatescl leader.com coaching so that I can hear more about the biggest problem that you're trying to solve. • And I'd love to work with you on that • • • and I'd love to hear from you. You can shoot me an email@mark.o.mincusmail.com and tell me what's the strategy that you've heard on the podcast that you're using and or what's your biggest pain point right now? • • • And please subscribe to the podcast. • • New episode comes out every week on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, wherever you listen to podcasts. And while you're there listening, if you would rate and review the podcast, it helps the algorithm push it out as suggested content to, uh, • Private school leaders all over the world. • And I've been your host, Mark Mincus. I just want to say how much I appreciate you and the amazing work that you're doing at your school. • Thank you so much for taking some of your precious time to join me here today and I will see you next time right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
Dec 28, 2024 • 39min
Episode 115: The Top 10 Leadership Nuggets Of 2024
Back in the mid to late 90’s, I would get two stocking stuffers that I really liked. In my Christmas stocking, I would receive the special, year end editions of Sports Illustrated and People magazine.
These special editions would be full of Top 10 lists from the best movies, pop songs and TV shows to the best athletes, teams and biggest comebacks from that particular year. I know that magazines are quickly becoming a thing of the past, but I love Top 10 lists so much that I hope that they live on forever.
At the end of each year, I like to go back through the last 52 episodes and look for the best strategies, time management hacks, quotes and leadership advice. I have made my selections and on this week’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, I am going to share The Top 10 Leadership Nuggets Of 2024!
As the year comes to a close, I just want to take a moment and express my sincere gratitude and admiration to you for all of your hard work this year. You sacrifice so much as you pour yourself into the kids and teachers at your school. Thank you for serving them all year long.
I also want to say thank you for listening to the podcast and for sharing the link with other leaders in your life and rising leaders at your school. You inspire me to keep making weekly episodes and I am excited to continue to serve you in 2025.
I would LOVE to hear from you. Email me (mark.o.minkus@gmail.com) and let me know your biggest takeaway from the podcast this year and also tell me your biggest struggle in 2024. It can literally be just a few words, but your feedback means so much and maybe I will turn your pain point into an upcoming episode!
Thanks again for all you do. I will be praying for you, your family and your school to have a safe, prosperous and Happy New Year!
Mark Minkus
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having A Successful Meeting With An Upset Parent. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode115
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
• Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. • And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So recently I was thinking about the mid to late 90s • • and something that I would get typically • • as a stocking stuffer for Christmas. • • And • it would usually be a couple of magazines • • • and they would be year end magazines that would have top 10 lists in them. And so I remember getting People magazine and it was all about movies and the top songs and the top performers and entertainers and different things like that. And then usually a sports magazine kind of a year end, Sports Illustrated or, you know, that kind of thing and a lot of top 10 lists. And I love good top 10 lists. • • And then, you know, after we would open our presents and everyone's just kind of sitting around, then I'm sitting there flipping through those, uh, magazines and I really enjoyed it. And I know that magazines kind of aren't much of a thing anymore because most things are online, but top 10 lists are still a thing. • • And on this week's episode of the Private Schooler podcast, • we are going to count down the top 10 leadership nuggets of 2024. • • And I'm really excited to do this, • • • um, 52 episodes from 2024. And I went through and I picked out what I think are the top 10 nuggets for you as a private school leader, as you try to serve and lead your school. • And we're going to count them down today. • •
I'm here to help you make the second half of the school year better
But before we do that, I want to ask you a question. You know, if you're listening to this episode in real time, it's pretty close to the end of the, uh, calendar year. • And it's about the halfway point of your school year. And sometimes we reflect on the year that, um, has come to an end • and we get excited about the new calendar year, we get excited about the second half of the school year. And sometimes we decide, okay, • • it's going to be better. This is the year that I finally do blank. This is going, you know, the second half of the school year is going to be better than the first. And I know I didn't really take care of myself maybe that well or I stressed out too much about this or I wasn't really, you know, that present for my family. I didn't have as much left in the tank at the end of each school day as I would like. • • All of those things that are very, very common for private school leaders. • • • Well, I want to tell you that I'm here to help you make the second half of the school year better than the first. • • • And one way is I'd love to talk to you about one on one coaching • • and working with you • • and helping you with whatever your biggest problem is. • • And that's@the privatescgal.com coaching that you can learn more. And really what it's about is clicking on, um, a button to set up a free 20 minute Zoom call with me • and just talk about what's going on with you and see how I can possibly help. • • But another thing that I can do to help is something that's asynchronous that you can do at your own pace • • • on your, uh, phone, in your pajamas, • • um, on your couch, • • wherever you want to help be a huge game changer for you as a private school leader. And I'm talking about Thrive Academy and this is the online course that I created. • • And you can, like I said, it's asynchronous and you can just go in there and go through the modules and you've got your lessons, you've got • • um, your videos, you've got your workbook, uh, • • that you printed out and step by step, strategy by strategy, • everything that I've learned over the past 33 years as to how to help you be built to last and to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader, it's in Thrive Academy • • and I want you to be part of that and I want you to be part of the live office hours that go along with it with other leaders who are going through Thrive Academy at the same time. And so just go over to the privatesccler.com thrive, spend a few minutes there checking it out and you'll see what I'm talking about. I'd love to see you in office hours. • • • And then just real quick, I want to give you a free gift. • • Um, and that free gift is actually a PDF called how to use verbal judo to have better conversations with the parents at your school. • And if you've never heard of verbal judo, it's actually a communication strategy that focuses on using words to deesscalate conflict. • • And George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo. And George Thompson has trained over 200,000 law enforcement officers all over America in the art of general persuasion with verbal judo. And so what I did was took that book • • and turned it into a guide as to how to use the principles of verbal judo to have better conversations with the parents at your school. So you can get that free guide over@the privatescchooladeer.com Judo • um, just another tool in your tool belt to help you to have better conversations with the parents at your school. And again, that's a free gift for you just to say thank you for listening to the podcast this year, the privatescglr.com • • judo all right, are you ready for the countdown? Because I know I am. I love countdowns. So what I'm going to do is give you the number, give you a phrase, give you the episode number, • • and then just talk about that point for just a couple of minutes. • • But in the show notes at the privatechoolade leader.com Episode 115, • • • I'm going to take good care of you as usual and I will list • the countdown. I will have a link to each episode so that it's right there for you. And, um, it's easy to just click and listen, um, if there's one that you missed or one that you want to revisit. But these • are the top 10 leadership nuggets of 2024.
John Maxwell talks about how as a leader, you are the lid on company growth
All right, • • • number 10, lift your lid • • from episode 86. • • • So this was a three episode series that I did during early summer of this year. • • • The book the 21 irrefutable laws of leadership by John Maxwell. • • And I took three, or excuse me, I took seven, um, of the laws and did three episodes, seven each episode. But in the very first episode, the very first law is the law of the lid. • • • And Maxwell talks about how as a leader, you are the lid on your company's growth. • • And so let's say that you're a 7 out of 10 as a leader. • Well, your company. And by company, you know, Maxwell uses the term company. But we're talking about your school. That your school is going to bump up against your leadership lid • • and can only ever achieve 70% of its potential if you are a 7 out of 10 leader. • • And so lifting your lid means for you to grow yourself • • • and to invest in personal leadership development, • • to • • • • • read books, to • listen to this podcast, to do all the things that you can do to • • grow as a leader. • And one of the things I failed to mention before, you know, if we're talking about growing, I mentioned coaching and I also mentioned Thrive Academy • • • M. Many of my Thrive Academy students and my coaching clients use Title II funds from their local public school to pay for that. • • And that's something I can help you with as well. Um, but, you know, since we're talking about lifting your lid and growing as a leader, um, • • I just, um, wanted to mention that title II funds are used can be used to pay for Thrive Academy and to pay for your, uh, coaching with me.
Have a pity party after an August apology from episode 93
Um, but number 10, episode 86 • from the 21 irrefutable laws of leadership is lift your lid. • • Okay. Number. Number nine. Number nine. • • • • • Have a pity party after an August apology from episode 93. Have a pity party after an August apology. • • • So • • around the end of July, I did an episode called, • • um, how to handle, • • uh, • • when a teacher what to do when a teacher, uh, quits in August. • • • • And I think of an August apology as when a teacher • • • texts you, calls you, appears in your office. You know, I'm thinking of one in particular where it was during in service, and it was the day before the first day of school, and my high school math teacher came in and said, um, sorry, I'm, I'm. I never thought I would do this. • Um, but u. Um, • you know, I got offered this job at the public school and I'm go going toa take it and I won't be here tomorrow. • • • Um, and so • • • we've all been there, we've all had that August apology. Some of you • also have had an October apology or a February apology, but it just seems like those August apologies hurt really bad. And it's also because the private or excuse me, the public schools, • • • they're often, I don't know about you, but where I live, it seems like they're just • • • hiring people • • like mid August, late August to fill positions. I'm not sure why they take all summer to do that. But you're all set. You've got your staff, and then boom, you know, you don't have your staffus someone's leaving. • • • • And so what I said in number nine here and I said in that episode 93 • • • • is the first thing to do is to have a pity party. • • • And I think it's important to just feel like, you know what? This sucks. This is stupid. This is dumb. I hate this. I hate this feeling. I hate that this happens so often. It feels like it happens every year and to just feel bad about it • and to kind of get that out of your system and • • maybe, you know, 24 hours max for that pity party, but I think it's important to have it. • But then once you've had that pity party and you get it out of your system is to just take massive action • • and the massive Action that you can take when a teacher resigns unexpectedly, • • um, is detailed for you in episode 93. • But number nine is have a pity party • • after an August apology.
Use the four S's to communicate better with your parents
All right, that brings us to number eight on our list of the top 10 leadership nuggets of 2024. And nugget number eight is to use the four S's • to have better conversations with your parents. • And that's episode 70. • • Use the four S's • • to communicate better with your parents. • • Now, the four S's in episode 70, • • I talked about the four S's of secure attachment. • • • That is come from a book by Daniel Siegel. And the book is called the Power of Showing Up. So you've probably heard of secure attachment. • • I'm not sure if you listened • to episode 70, • • • but the four S's are safe, • • seen, • • soothed, and secure. • • • • Again, the four S's are safe, Seen, soothed, and secure. • • And I use the four S's of secure attachment when I'm having a meeting with a parent that's really emotional • • and it's kind of been a game changer. • • Um, • and • I just wanted to pass that knowledge on to you. And so again, you can, uh, go back and check that out if you haven't listened or if you need a refresher. • And you can click on episode 70 in the show notes • to hear more about the four S's and how those can help you have better parent meetings.
Number seven leadership nugget is the surprising truth about what motivates teachers
All right, we're up to number seven in our countdown. And so the number seven leadership nugget of 2024 • • is the surprising truth about what actually motivates teachers. • • And this is episode 67. • And episode 67 was actually one of the most downloaded episodes of this year. The surprising truth about what actually motivates your teachers. • • • And I kind of, um, did some high level • • • • • • ideas, um, • • • from the Daniel Pink book Drive, one of the probably the best selling book about • motivation that's out there. • • • And • • again, his three big points about what motivates teachers are autonomy, • mastery, and purpose. So of course, autonomy, • there they are in your private school. And they want to have some autonomy with accountability. They don't want to be handcuffed to those, uh, state standard, • • um, tests that take place often in the private schools that are the drivers for what's being taught in the classroom. • • Um, maybe they want some autonomy in the way that they deliver their curriculum. • • But then also something that motivates teachers is mastery, that desire to be good at something, to be competent, to be excellent, and to continue to improve in that. And then third is purpose. • We Want to be connected to something that matters. We want to be part of something that's bigger than ourselves. • And of course, schools can check that box, but we have to keep reminding them of their purpose and their important role that they play in our schools. • • So leadership nugget number seven is the surprising truth about what actually motivates teachers • from episode 67. •
Use high leverage moments to be a more visible leader
All right, that brings us to number six • • • on our countdown of the top 10 leadership nuggets of 2024. • • And number six is to use high leverage moments to be a more visible leader. And that is episode 95. Use high leverage moments to be a more visible leader. And this was another episode 95 that was probably, I want to say, maybe the third most downloaded episode of the year. • • • Lots and lots of leaders of our private schools, lots of listeners to this podcast, • want to be more visible. • And when I sit down and talk to, um, coaching clients • • and I ask them a question, I ask most of my clients the same question. • • What is it? If I. How do you finish this sentence? I really wish I had more time to blank • • • • or it's been a long time since I was able to blank consistently. • • And I would say about 80% say I wish I was out in the school. More or more specifically, I wish I was in the classrooms more often. • • • And so we're going to. We want to be visible leaders. That helps us to be credible. There's so many positives that go along with that. All of that, you know, is listed there for you in episode 95. • • • But I talked about high leverage moments. • • And so a little goes a long way when you are visible during the most high traffic, high leverage moments of your school day. • But you have to schedule them into your day or else they're just going to be good intentions. So I'm going to list a few. And I'm not saying you need to be at all of these things, but if you're feeling like you're not visible and you're trapped in your office, • • • scheduling a few of these a few times a week can make a huge difference. • • So recess lunch. For me, those are non negotiables that recessed lunch, block vibing with the kids, hanging out with the kids, interacting with the teachers, • • • very, um, • • visible. But it also fills me up. • • Um, car line, either arrival or dismissal, • • • • class changes, • • um, especially in middle school and high school, those class changes, you know that two or three minutes of those informal interactions, • highly visible for the students and for your teachers. And then many of you lead a religious school and there's a religious service once A week mass or chapel or there might even be religious services each day where different larger groups are coming together and you can be visible by being there. So • • leadership nugget number six is to use high leverage moments to be a more visible leader. All right, we're into the top five. •
Solve the paradox of what parents want grace and revenge from episode 108
And so leadership nugget number five on our countdown is • • • solve the paradox of what parents want grace and revenge from episode 108. • • • So a paradox is two things that don't really go together • that are together. • • And in this episode 108, I said that grace and revenge is something that parents want • • if it's their child that is • • making the mistake • or doing the misbehavior. They want the school to show grace and understanding and work with their child and work with the family. But if something happens to their child, • • they want the school to • • • lower the boom, • throw the book at the kid. • • They want revenge. They want scorched earth, • • • and they want both things. Both things. They want grace for their kid and revenge on the other kids. • • • • • And so this paradox can become very difficult for • private school leaders because we're in that intersection. And sometimes when you're in intersections, you're getting run over in all directions. • • • And so in that episode • • • 108, • • • • probably a big takeaway • • for how to solve this is that your student handbook, your family handbook, is your best friend. • • • • • You have to have a clearly stated discipline policy, and then you have to be incredibly consistent with • • following through, • • • because • • if you're following through when their child • • is doing something wrong, • • • • even if they're begging for grace, • • • • • • • you can then also follow through • • • exactly what the handbook says. • When someone is doing something to their child • • • that won't take their emotions out of it, that won't take their unreasonable requests out of play, • but it will • • • allow you to eventually earn respect, • • • • certainly of your teachers and sometimes eventually from the parents, • • because of your consistency. • • • • And so, rather than riding that wave of emotion of grace and revenge from the same parent, • • • it's better to have your feet on solid ground • • with your handbook and your consistent enforcement of those consequences. • • So leadership nugget number five, • • solve the paradox of what parents want grace and revenge from episode 108. • •
Your email inbox is a chronological list of everyone else's priorities
All right, that brings us to leadership nugget number four. • • • And • • • • it is. Your email inbox is a chronological list of everyone else's priorities. • • • • • Your email inbox is a chronological list of everyone else's priorities. • • • And this is episode 100. • • • • • • • And so in the hundredth episode of the podcast, I put out there one of my most, • I think, favorite and most important quotes • • Because I would say about 90% of school leaders, • • • um, based on my conversations with my coaching clients, with Thrive Academy students in office hours • and just with email, • uh, interactions • • • • • • • that about 90% of school leaders are dipping in and out of their email inbox all day long. And sometimes that starts when you're still in bed and you're on your smartphone and then it continues into the evening. • We'll talk about that a little bit more in a minute. • • • • • But your email inbox • • • • is a chronological list of everyone else's priorities. I want that to sink in • because • • you are adopting everyone else's definition of urgent. If you are just dipping in and out of your email inbox all day long. And here's the other thing, • • you're falling into the false productivity trap. • • • Um, and what that means is, is that you're out and about in the school and you come back and you sit down • • and you know, think about it. There's some decision fatigue, there's some physical fatigue. You've expended emotional energy, • • um, • • • • you've, um, some cognitive load. Okay? And your brain is screaming for a dopamine hit. • • And so you're going to probably do what about 90 to 95% of school leaders do in that situation. • • And that's'going to open up email and start responding to a few emails. And that's about the worst thing that you can do from a productivity standpoint • • • because • • your brain doesn't know the difference between a high value task and a low value task. • • • • And so you are going to get that dopamine hit. • • • And we actually get addicted to our email inbox. • • • And so we want to • • first of all pause • • and remember • • that • • we need to decide what is important • • • • • and to • • • • • • write that down. And you know, in module two of Thrive Academy, I lay all this out about how this all works together with the index card and with the, • • um, creating friction between you and your email inbox. And you know, the way that this can all work for you. • • • • • • • • • But • • • the first and most important thing is for you to recognize • • • that you're either working on everyone else's priorities and then you start working on yours when the school gets quiet • • and the teachers and the kids leave for the day. • • • • • Or • • • you can try to create some margin in your day • • • • • by best practice for time management and productivity • • • • and migrate some of those tasks into your workday • so that you're not always working on your stuff • • after everybody leaves for the day and then you're taking it home with you. • • • • • •
Be proactive about the rise of deepfake content and NCII
All right? We are in the top three of our leadership nuggets • • • of 2024. And number three • • is be proactive about the rise of deepfake content • and NCII, which stands for non consensual intimate imagery • • • • • episode 112. The day that that episode dropped was the most downloads in one day in the history of the podcast. • • • • So that means that we have leaders that are concerned about deepfake content and ncii, and we should be. • • • • • It's in the public schools, • • it's • • making its way into some of the private schools. • • • Um, • the headlines, • • • they're terrifying. • • • • And • • • rather than be scared • • • and • • • completely • • • • • ill equipped • • to prevent or respond • • • to this if it happens at your school, • • we're going to do what we always do on the podcast and we're going to get proactive. • • • • • And so • the best thing that I would say to do • • • • • • • is to Listen to episode 112, • • • but also to go to • • the privatecglr.com episode 112 for the show notes, • • • because • • those are probably the most robust show notes of any podcast episode from this year • • with regards to resources. • • • And so the resources are there. • • • And the other big thing that I would say is to educate yourself, • • • then educate your teachers and staff, • • educate your students and educate your parents. • • That's where it begins. You have to educate yourself first. • • • And so we're not going to • • • • just shake in fear and do nothing and stick our head in the sand. • • We are going to • get proactive. We're going to learn • • about deepfake content and non consensual intimate imagery and then we're going to take action. • • • And so the place to start • is the show notes for episode 112 and • • • to listen to episode 112 for the first time or go back and listen to it again. Like I said, the most downloaded episode this year. • • • • So we, we're thinking about it, we're worried about it. Let, um, let's try and take some steps to • uh, build in some proactive, • uh, policies • and a plan for how to respond if, God forbid, it does happen at your school. • • All right?
Number one is if you only read one book this summer, read this one
And then that's going to bring us to our top two leadership nuggets of 2024. • And number two is if you only read one book this summer, read this one. Episode 85. • • • • And • in late May, early June, I did an episode • • • • • and I was trying to encourage you that if you were going to read one book during the summer, • • that it would be Hopes and Fears by Rob Evans and Michael Thompson. • • This is a book published by nis. • • • I will link it in the show notes for today's episode • • • where you will have links to all of these episodes in the top 10. • • But • • the link to this book will be directly to the n'website that's the least expensive place where you can buy it. I think it's around $35. • • • And I strongly believe that every private school leader in the world • • should have a copy of this book • • • • on their desk • • • and they should probably read it once a year. • • And it's an easy read. It's not a, it's not War in Peace. Okay. It's not all the • um, • you know, the Lord of the Rings trilogy, this is about 150 pages. • • But it is full of wisdom. • • You know, Rob Evans and Michael Thompson, not only are they former, • • • • uh, private school leaders themselves, but they are • • psychologists, • • um, they are parents of private school um, • • students and grandparents. • • And they attended • uh, independent schools themselves. And so they are the most, I feel like incredibly informed. They've been doing consulting for • • • • decades. And so from a, uh, understanding why parents act the way that they do • • • and also giving strategies for how to work with the uh, 95% of parents that are workable or good or even great, • and then giving advanced strategies for how to deal with the 5 percenters, • • • • • • • • • • this book • • • is the book • on • • how to effectively build relationships with parents at your school. So leadership nugget number two, hopefully I've made my point. If you only read one book • this summer or this year or this winter break or in 2025, read hopes and Fears and it'll be linked in the show notes. • •
Stop inviting parents into your home after 7pm episode 75
And then that brings us to number one. • Our number one leadership nugget of 2024 • • • is stop inviting parents into your home • • after 7pm • • • • • Stop inviting parents into your home after 7pm episode 75. • • • • • • • So • • • • you're on your couch, • • • • it's 7:15pm, you're in your sweats, • • • • • you just finished dinner. • And maybe you're watching sports, • • you're watching something on Netflix, • • • • but you've got your smartphone next to you • • • and you tap your • • • • smartphone, • • • • • you m • tap your app for your • • school email • • • • and there it is in your inbox, • • • an email from that parent. • • • And it's got some exclamation points and maybe even some capital letters in the subject line. • • • • • • • • And what happens is that you just invited that parent into your home • to sit next to you on the couch • • • • • • at 7:15pm • • • • and we need to stop inviting parents into our home. • • • And I know that some of you, • • some of us are actually addicted to checking email • • • • in the evenings and then it ruins our evening from time to time. • • • • But we're going to do a Couple of things. Number one, we're going to turn off • • • email notifications • • • • • • • and I cannot state that more strongly as to how important it is for you to turn off notifications for your school email. • • • • • • • • And then number two, what we're going to do is we're going to create more friction between you and your email inbox while you build up the self discipline • • • to not check email as often in the evening. • • • • Because here's the other thing. I can hear what you're saying. You're like, yeah, but what if someone needs me? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Here's the thing. • • If there's something that is of the level of importance and urgency that they need you after 7pm • • • • they are going to text you or call you on your cell phone. They are not going to email you, whoever they is, whether it's a board member or if you're a division head, it's your head of school or if you're head of school, it's your director of maintenance or your athletic director because of something that happened on the way home from the basketball game on the bus. Whatever it is, • • • • it's kind of a self sorting thing for urgency and importance is whether or not they call or text you or if it's going into an email that you can check • • the next morning. • • • • • • And the last thing is that whole creating friction. • • • See, most of us, we don't even really realize that we're doing it, that we're checking email so often • • • it's become a reflex. • • And your thumb knows, • • just it goes and knows and it goes to that spot • • • • on your home screen without even you thinking about it. • • • • • And what I have my coaching clients do is to move their icon to swipes, • • • • • • • move it off that home screen, move it to swipes. • • • • Almost without exception, when one of my coaching clients moves their email icon, two swipes • • that they report that it's within a week, two weeks max, • • that they're checking email 80% less often outside of school. • • • • We have to create friction between ourselves and our email inbox. • • • • • • • You know, my wife, she recently bought Oreos • • • and I love Oreos. And I'm like, why did you buy Oreos? And she's like, because you like Oreos. I'm like, well that's the problem. I don't want to eat a bunch of Oreos • • because what I would do is I'JUST uh, • • walk through the kitchen and grab three Oreos and just keep going. • • • • • But we recently cleaned out our Tupperware container or Tupperware cupboard. • • And so what I did was I put it in the Tupperware cupboard • • • • • • • and then I would have that pause • • • and think. • • • • And then what I was able to do is only eat three Oreos a day until the big party size Oreo package that my wife bought was gone. • Instead of eating three every time I walk through the room. • • • • That's what you're doing when you move your • • icon. • • • • • • • • I think you should try it • • • and just see what happens. It's a big deal. • • •
Our Leadership Nuggets Countdown of 2024 includes 10 leadership nuggets
And so the number one • • leadership nugget • • • • of 2024 is to stop inviting parents into your home after 7pm from episode 75. I just scratched the surface. Go back and check out episode 75 for all the details. • • So let's run them down again. I love countdowns, you know that. Number 10 lift your lid from episode 86. Number 9 have a pity party after an August apology in episode 93. • Number eight use the four S's to communicate with your to have better communication with your parents from episode 70. • • • Number seven the surprising truth about what actually motivates your teachers from episode 67. Number six use high leverage moments to be a more visible leader from episode 95 • • • in our countdown. • Number five is solve the paradox of what parents want. Grace and revenge from episode 108. • • • Number four, your email inbox is a chronological list of everyone else's priorities, episode 100. • And number three • • • be proactive about the rise of deepfake content and non consensual intimate imagery from episode 112. • • Number two if you only read one book, read this one from episode 85. Of course I'm referring to hopes and fears. And then number one on our Leadership Nuggets Countdown of 2024 is to stop inviting parents into your home after 7pm • • • from episode 75. • • • • And I like to • • • have a call to action with every episode • • • • since it was the number one leadership nugget. • • • I am challenging you and asking you • • to move the icon for your • • school email. • Two swipes • • • • and then in two weeks • • I want you to send me an email at mark0.mincusmail.com • • and tell me how it's going. • • So you're going to move your email icon, • • • • two swipes on your smartphone • • and then two weeks from now you're going to email me@uh, • • marko.mincusmail.com and tell me how it's going. • • •
7 Strategies to effectively deal with difficult teachers is free on Thrive Academy
And I want to give you another free gift as we wrap up this calendar year. • • It's called seven Strategies to effectively deal with difficult Teachers. Maybe as you're thinking back on the school year and thinking ahead • after winter break, you're like oof, I gotta. • • I got to deal with that teacher. Okay, well here's a plan. What you need is a plan. And if you go to the privatescooler.com difficult you can grab this free guide that will give you a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. So I want to give you that for free. • Free gift. 7 strategies to effectively deal with difficult teachers. • • • Go over to the privateschoolleader.com/difficult • • • and then another reminder that I want to help you • • • • have a better second half to your school year. I want to help you be built to last. I want to help you • • • to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And so I want you to decide, • • • • • go to check out Thrive Academy or go to check out coaching because that's how I can help you. • • • So you're checking out the privateschoolia.com m thrive • • or you're checking out the privatescchoolia.com coaching. • • And I would love to help you • • • have • a better second half to your school year that will set you up to have a better year next year and the year after that. • • • • And I told you a few times, but because there was so much in this episode, I'll mention it one more times.
Mark Minkus: This is Episode 115 of the Private School Leader podcast
Show notes privategal.com Episode 115 • • • and then also, I would just really appreciate it if you would share this list. This, um, excuse me, this episode specifically, I think could be a really, really good episode to share with another leader at your school. • Another leader that you met at a conference, that aspiring leader that you have your eye on at school that you can see them as a rising star. • • Share this episode with them because it's going to give them access to the top 10 leadership nuggets from this year • • • • • • and then they can access all of this information. We want to spread this encouragement and uh, this knowledge so that we can • better serve our schools and better serve those kids and those teachers. • • • • And I just appreciate you so much. Um, I'm your, I've been your host, Mark Minkus. • • I am so • • • privileged to be able to share each week with you when we have these podcast episodes. And I'm so grateful for you taking some time out of your busy week to join me here on the podcast • • • and thank you for listening and I will see you next time right here on the Private School Leader podcast. Until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
Dec 21, 2024 • 35min
Episode 114: 7 Ways To Turn Encouragement Into Your Superpower
If you could pick one superpower, what would it be?
A recent survey asked people to name their most desirable superpower and the top ten results were: Invisibility, Teleportation, Mind Reading, Super Strength, Time Travel, Healing/Regeneration, Flight, Super Intelligence, Super Speed and Telekinesis.
The superpower that I want the most is Teleportation. Just imagine being in a meeting with a grumpy parent and you could teleport yourself to your favorite beach!
Well, as much as I wish that I could grant you the ability to read minds or travel through time, I can’t. However, on today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, I am going to teach you 7 Ways To Turn Encouragement Into Your Superpower!
I hope that you will listen to the podcast for your weekly dose of motivation, inspiration and PD. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference!
Mark Minkus
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
If you have gotten value from listening to the podcast, I would love to work with you 1-on-1.
I help my clients overcome imposter syndrome, set boundaries between work and home and how to actually get important things done instead of having your day ruled by the tyranny of the urgent. Sounds impossible right? It’s not. I can teach you how to make it possible.
I would love to be your coach and I have a few spots open. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having A Successful Meeting With An Upset Parent. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode114
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
• Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. • I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Menkus. • • • So I want to start today's episode with kind of a really • strange question. • • • And • • • is it, uh, this is the question. If you could pick any superpower • • that you would have for the rest of your life, which one would it be? If you could pick any superpower, • • • and, you know, I did a search on this, and when they ask people this question, • • • • • in order, here are the top 10. Invisibility, teleportation, mind reading, • super strength, time travel, regeneration, flight, superintelligence, • super speed, • • and telekinesis. • • So I don't know if I named the superpower that you would pick, • • • but for me, I think I would pick teleportation. • • • • And just the idea of being in a meeting • • that I don't want to be in, • and then I could teleport to a beach. • • That sounds pretty amazing. Um, and so sometimes as private school leaders, we get ourselves into situations where • • • we're in a meeting or, um, in a situation where we just wish we could teleport out of there. And if we end up on a beach, • all the better. So if you could pick a superpower, which one, uh, would it be? • • Well, on today's episode, what I want to do • • is to help you see how you can turn encouragement into your superpower. • • • And the way we're going to do that is there's a book written by Jordan Montgomery that's called the Art of Encouragement. How to Lead Teams, Spread Love, and Serve from the Heart. • • And we're going to take a look at some of the key • • • • • principles, uh, • • • the key takeaways from this book, and apply it to you specifically as a private school leader. And so, on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, we're going to talk about how to turn encouragement into your superpower. • • • •
I want to help you have a better second half of your school year
And before we jump into that, you know, if you're listening to this in real time, • it's near the end of the year. • • And when we come to the end of a year, we typically look back and we look forward. We kind of reflect on the first half of the school year that started back in August, • • and we think about the second half of the school year, • • and then we also think about new Year's Day and New Year's resolutions and this is the year that we're going to blank. • • • • Well, I want to • help you • • fill in that blank. • • • And there's really two ways that I want to help you • • because • • I want to help you have a better second half of your school year than you did the first half. And I want to set you up to be built to last. And I want to help you have that long and happy and fulfilling career that I'm always talking about. • And so there's two things that you can check out. One is Thrive Academy. It's an online digital course that will take you step by step, strategy by strategy, through everything that I've learned over my 33 year career. And I've packaged it for you into • • seven modules and um, 29 lessons • • and um, a printable workbook. And it's asynchronous work. And then there's also office hours once a week where you can connect with other leaders and Thrive Academy students. • • • They, • • there are dozens of them and they are just, they're changing themselves, they're changing their schools and this is something that could be a big uh, deal, a game changer for you. And so find out more about that@thePR privatescooler.com thrive • • • and that's a way that you could change the script that you could fill in the blank for the second half of the school year. But another way is also to consider one on one coaching with me. I would love to work with you. And again, you can go to the privatescooler.com coaching • • and you could set up a free 20 minute Zoom. It's free. It's 20 minutes. • You talk, I listen. And • • I listen to what is the biggest problem, what's your biggest dream. And then I, uh, we talk a little bit about • what coaching is all about. And so u, um, you know the privatesccool.com coaching the privatescg.com thrive • • there are two ways where you could take a step, • an important step • to make sure that the second half of the school year is better than the first half. And also to make yourself built to last • • and • have that long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. • • And then I also want to give you a free gift. Um, this is called the six things that every private school teacher wants from their leader. And it's a six page PDF that I believe can be a game changer for you. And I guarantee that if you do these six things that the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. And so you can get that@the privatescoolleader.com guide, the six things that every private school teacher wants from their leader. The Privatechoolleader.com guide, just that free. Just as a thank you for listening to the podcast. • • Al right, so we're going to talk about seven ways to turn encouragement into your superpower. And I'm going to run them down • • • and then we're going to talk briefly about each one and I'll give an example of how you can implement that at school with your team. • • • And also I'll take good care of you in the show notes, as usual@the privatescgal.com Episode 114. • • Um, so that you can just listen, um, a list of seven things. That's a lot to remember. So, um, just check out the show notes.
Seven ways to turn encouragement into your superpower at your school
All right, Seven ways to turn encouragement into your superpower. Number one, encourage with authenticity. Number two, create a culture of appreciation. • Number three, encourage effort over perfection. • • Number four, be a source of support during the tough times. • • Number five, lead by example. Number six, foster strong relationships based on trust. And number seven is encourage self compassion. • • And I told you at the top of the episode that we're kind of breaking down this book, the Art of Encouragement by Jordan Montgomery, and then applying them to you and your team at your school. And so number one is encourage with authenticity. • • And this is really a core message of the book that there is such a thing as authentic encouragement. • • And we'll talk a little bit more about that. But, you know, sometimes we give compliments. Sometimes we give those pets on the back. Sometimes we say, you know, good job, or we say thanks. • • • • • But • • • authentic • encouragement is about sincerity • • • • and it's about noticing. • • It's about being specific. • • • Um, it's about acknowledging that effort • • • • unique ways • and consistently. • • • • And it is encouragement that comes from your heart. • • • And so this isn't something that's rote. This isn't something that's perfunctory. This isn't something that is just, we do it and we move on. This is something that comes from the heart. It's authentic. • • And so a couple of examples, you know, instead of just saying great job, • • • we can specify exactly what impressed you about the thing that the teacher did • or the team member did. • • • And so, • • um, does that take more effort? Yes. Are we busy? Yes. • • • • • Is it difficult to find the time to • • • • give authentic encouragement and to be specific? Yes. • • Um, but it is a super important thing if you • want to be an excellent leader that people trust. If you want to lead your school and elevate your School. I really believe that encouragement • is like that quote, a rising tide lifts all boats. • • That encouragement, creating a culture of encouragement in your school, starting with you at the top, • • can be transformational for your school culture. • • And so, you know, the things that you're expressing appreciation for and that you're encouraging them about, it could be they're trying something new with their teaching or • • the extra time after class that you see them, you know, working with a student or out in the hall, or just even the positive vibe that they have in the classroom and that you just really appreciate, • um, how much fun the kids have in that class • • • and that authenticity coming through in your praise, with it being specific and heartfelt, • • it can make your team feel truly appreciated as opposed to • • • just, • • • • you know what I'm talking about, because it's happened to you before. So if you're a division head, maybe it came from your head of school. If you're head of school, maybe it's come from your board, where it just seems like it's • • • • the authentic praise and the encouragement is kind of feels like it's few and far between. And then sometimes it just feels like it's rote or it's just going through the motions. And so we're not going to do that with our teams. • We are going to lead with the heart. We're going to give that authentic and specific • • praise and encouragement, and we're going to try and do it as often as possible. And it's highly motivating and it's highly appreciated, • • um, • • by your team that receives it.
Jordan Montgomery talks about creating a culture of appreciation at your school
Okay, so then on to number two. We are going to try to create a culture of appreciation. • • And so, um, in his book the Art of Encouragement, Jordan Montgomery, he also talks about the importance of creating a culture • • where encouragement is woven into the fabric • • of your organization of your school. • • • And so I mentioned that a little bit in number one. And so there's some overlap between number one and number two. • • But we know that as school leaders, it's our responsibility to create the culture. • • • We are the culture creators and sustainers and protectors. • • And so it's your responsibility as the leader of your school or your division • • to create an environment where appreciation and encouragement is just a part of the daily routine. It's just a thing that we do. • • • And I remember at my school, um, several years ago, • • • we introduced, um, mindfulness, • and there were some people who were trained in that, some teachers, • • and just their consistency in • • presenting it and modeling it • and doing it in the classrooms and creating • • some, um, lessons and some activities around it. And doing it during the religious services and just, it just became part of the circulatory system of our school. It became part of our culture. • • • But I remember at the beginning thinking, well, this is just kind of like, • • I don't know, a band aid or just something that isn't going to stick around. It's sort of a flavor of the month kind of thing that we're going to do for a while and then not do anymore. • • • But mindfulness became a part of our culture, and it was because of that consistency and that determination • that it did. And so we want encouragement • • to be part of our culture at our schools. • • And so this is true about your teachers, but it's also true about your students and staff and even parents, you know, expressing that appreciation. And so it's not easy to do. • • Um, • • • • but, you know, there can be. • How do we, how do we show. So I'll just jump to the example and keep things moving here. So how do we keep it? How do we, um, try to create a culture of appreciation? Well, • you know, I think that recognition is a big part of that. And so if you have a daily memo or a weekly memo with the shout outs, um, some of our schools are religious schools. And once a week or so we're getting together for chapel or mass or Tefillah in a Jewish day school or • • assemblies, um, • • • you know, those are great times for shout outs, um, about the teachers from you or even from the kids. • • Um, thank you notes, um, the handwritten note. You know, I'm a big fan of that. And • • you know, these things do take time. And I'm not saying you're writing notes all the time for every staff member, but, um, that regular recognition • • helps to create a culture of appreciation. • • And here's the thing, when, when appreciation just starts to become part of your culture, • it just builds such a strong sense of community. • And I also have seen that it motivates others to contribute more and to really do their best. And so it's not going to motivate everyone, but what you're trying to do, you know, you've got your rock stars • and then you've got your fence sitters, and then you've got your teachers that are kind of • • just • • stuck. You know, they're just kind of doing what they need to do to get the paycheck. • • Well, what I've seen is, is that if you create a culture of appreciation and encouragement • and recognition, • • that the fence sitters • • • tend to follow the rock stars. • • And then the, • • um, ones that are stuck, the ones that are kind of doing the minimum, • they become marginalized, which is what you want. You don't want them to become the critical mass in your school's culture. And so this is something that can actually move the needle. I've seen it, and I know that it can happen at your school as well. • •
True encouragement is about valuing effort rather than perfection
Okay, so we're talking about the seven • • • strategies, the seven ways to turn encouragement into your superpower. • • And we're up to number three, which is encourage effort over perfection. • • • And so, again, in the art of encouragement book that we're talking about today, • • um, the author, • uh, Montgomery, he talks about • • how true encouragement, • • • quote, true encouragement is about valuing effort rather than perfection. So we get that. And as school leaders, you know, • • • we have to recognize that we have different • • • people, the different types of personalities in the teachers that we're leading, in the staff that we're leading. • And we can't expect perfection. Schools are messy. Schools are emotional places. Schools are complex places. And there's going to be • • • things where, • • you know that the bus comes, the buses come late, um, because of traffic, and then someone has to stay late or there's going to be, you know, someone forgot to put that thing in the memo. And now there's an early dismissal. And it's like, I didn't know about that. I had planned a test for that period. And so there's going to be things that are messy. And so we can't have the standard be perfection. We just want the • • standard to be, um, the hard work and just to try, • • um, and to value the effort and the hard work of our teachers rather than focus so much on outcomes. And I get it. Outcomes are important as far as test scores and, um, • • • • things that are tangible and the metrics • that we can measure. But let's face it, so much of what goes on in our schools is difficult to measure. • • And so we want to model that growth mindset. And, you know, if you want to go back and check out episode four, how to turn, um, • • pedestal kids into gritty kids, by implementing growth mindset at your school. That's an episode that gets downloaded a lot, even • more than two years later since it was put up. Um, • but growth mindset at your school can be a huge game changer. It certainly was at our school. It changed a lot of lives. Not just the kids, but the teachers as well. • • Um, and so we're talking about showing appreciation and giving encouragement. How does this go together with what I just said about, um, focusing on effort over perfection? Well, I think that when teachers are trying something, when they're getting out of their comfort zone, they're trying a new teaching method or they're trying a new lesson, • um, is to really heap the praise on about their courage to experiment. Because anytime someone's getting out of their comfort zone, it's so good for them, it's so good for our schools. But we need to notice it and acknowledge it and recognize it, and then they'll also feel more comfortable in taking those risks and trying those things. Do you want your teachers to just run it back every year, year after year, with the same lessons, • • • um, • and multiplied by X number of years that they work at your school? Of course the answer is no. And so • • • • • if they're worried that they're going to get their hand smacked because a lesson doesn't go well, or their room gets too loud because they're doing a group activity and they get dinged for that, you know, we have to try • and encourage those things when they try something different. • And then for our students, of course, • • we're going to focus on progress. We're going to focus on the process. • • Um, we're going to give that process praise. We're not going to praise them for their grades or for their intelligence. And so just this shift in focus for us, we can model that growth mindset, and then our teachers are going to feel more empowered to take risks, and then maybe they will do things. You know, they will. Innovation, okay. Is not always comfortable. And if we want our teachers to be continuing to, • um, • • do best practice and stay on the edge, the cutting edge of what's out there and to be curious and to try things, • then not only do we have to model that, but we have to support them when they try it, and maybe when things don't go • • • all that well. •
Number four: Give encouragement when things are not going well at your school
All right, on to number four. Number four, how are we going to turn encouragement into a superpower for you and your school? Number four, you're going to be a source of support during tough times. So this one's pretty straightforward. I'm not going to spend a lot of time on it. But encouragement is not just for the good times. • • Um, it's easier to encourage people • during the good times, but it's especially important • when things are not going well at our school. • And so some of you have already started to think about COVID • • and, you know, that year or two years that were so tough when we were doing school in person, • • and it was such a challenge, and it took so much out of you, you know, that's when the teachers needed encouragement the most. And I know what you're Thinking, you know, when I think back on it, it's like, yeah, we encouraged them and then they were still mad or they still felt like we were, you know, not doing enough for them and stuff like that. And there were a lot of things going on there. A lot of people were scared to come to work. • • • We were basically doing something that was the impossible. And then it became the norm. And so, you know, we've learned lessons from that. But there are going to be other tough times in our schools. And it might be that the school is facing a tough time, or it might be that that individual teacher or • employee is facing a tough time. • And so • • • • we're just aware. You know, that's the thing, is to be aware and to have empathy, to try and view it through their eyes, • • um, to try to help manage the stress, • to try and be flexible. You know, a lot of your teachers, a lot of my teachers, • they're at the point where they're starting their, um, elderly parents are. Their needs are increasing and, um, • • • • the flexibility that sometimes they might need, • um, becomes, • • ah, an issue. Um, and so we just want to try, um, of course it's hard because we're exhausted, we're stressed out more than usual if times aren't going well at school, if there's some challenge that's facing the school. But that's when we need to really be encouraging others the most. And so, again, empathy, • • um, • • • • reminding yourself and reminding your teachers that these setbacks are all part of a school year, part of a journey, • • and then to try to help them stay focused on the vision and mission of the school and to reaffirm • • to your teachers how much value they add, how much of a difference they're making, the more you can reconnect a teacher to their core. • • Uh, they're compelling why, you know, that's all the way back in episode one. But they're compelling why of why they're doing this. • • If we can connect them with that, • they're going to be more encouraged during the tough times. • • And then the last thing on this point is that we want to give support and optimism, but not toxic positivity. • • And I'll link that, I did an episode on that, I'll link that in the show notes. But again, • um, we want to be optimists. We want to be like, okay, we're going to get through this and then lead by example and then do the work necessary to get everyone through whatever this is. • • • Um, but we're not going to be toxic positivity. And the Titanic is slipping beneath the surface. And we're running around saying, everything's fine, everything's fine. That's not • • credible. And we're not going to do that. Okay, so we're going to be a source of support during tough times. •
Seven ways to turn encouragement into your superpower in school leadership
All right, so we're talking about the seven ways to turn encouragement into your superpower. • Number one, encourage with authenticity. Number two, create a culture of appreciation. • Number three, encourage effort over perfection. • • • • Number four, be a source of support during tough times. And number five, • lead by example with positive language. • • So let me explain what I mean by that. Um, • • • • we have to lead by example all the time. • • But the way that I speak to my team, the way that I speak to students • • sets the tone for my entire division or for the entire school, if you're head of school. • • • And the positive language • • • • can lift people up, it can lift the culture, • • and negative language can tear everything down. • • • And so we want to be, uh, you know, I'll throw optimism in there again from last point, • • but we want to make sure that our language is encouraging growth. • • • • • • It fosters hope. • • • Um, you know, instead of, • • • • you know, going along, the easiest thing to do is to complain. The easiest thing to do is when we're exhausted and we actually don't see • • the light at the end of the tunnel, is to just be like, uh, I don't. I don't know. I don't think we can fix this. And even if that's on the inside and you're not see it on the outside, • it's really hard for our body language not to be screaming that messaging. • • • • • And so sometimes we have to earn our Academy Award. And the tougher the times are, • • • the more we have to earn that Academy Award. But this is something where we, uh, they're looking to us as the leader. And if they see • • • that we • are worried and that we are stressed and that we don't think that we can win, • • then • • • we're not going to win. We're not going to conquer whatever this challenge is. • • • • And I'll be honest, I'm not a fan of Tom Brady. Um, • • but I do think about sometimes • that super bowl when they were down, you know, 28 to 3 in the third quarter • • • • to the Atlanta Falcons, • • and every time that Brady came back to the huddle, • • that team believed in him, that they still had a chance to win and that they were going to win, • • and they did win. • • And so I'm not saying that that works all the time, but I am saying that the example that we set and our attitude and our mindset and the language that we Use and our words and our body language, all of those things work together to send a message. And we have to think about the message that we're sending, • • and then that messaging can shape culture. • • And so to bring it all the way back to encouragement, • if our language is encouraging and affirming and expressing sincere and authentic appreciation, • then it's going to start to inspire that same kind of behavior in others. • You know, when you see how your teachers are treating each other, • • • • • sometimes, when you see how teachers are treating the students, • • • • sometimes that goes back to how the leader is treating the teachers. • And so we want to set that example and we want to raise the whole thing. We want to raise the bar. Al right. Okay, just two more. • • • Number six is foster strong relationships based on trust. And you know, if you've listened to the podcast for any length of time, how important it is to me. Integrity and telling the truth and building strong relationships based on trust. • And here's the thing, encouragement thrives in environments of trust. So just think about things that thrive • • • • in a certain environment. And so, you know, if we're talking about crops that are going to grow in a certain part of the country, you know, if they're getting the right amount of sunlight and the right amount of rain or, um, irrigation • • and, you know, the conditions are just perfect, then those things are going toa grow like crazy. • • Well, we want our culture to continue to improve, and so we want to create an environment • • of trust. • • That's really hard in our schools, but, you know, integrity and telling the truth • • and that, authentic encouragement, • empathy, noticing, remembering, • circling back to people, • • • how is your mom's surgery? • • Those kinds of things are genuine, • • and trust is built on genuine relationships. And that's the opposite of positional authority and positional leadership. • • And we're all striving to be those servant leaders • • • that you. The keys to that are the words that I just said. Empathy, integrity, • • service, trust, you know, telling the truth, • • um, being authentic, • • working really hard. • • • That's all possible. Is it easy? • • No way. • • It'I believe being a servant leader is the hardest type of leadership. • • • • Being a positional leader is way easier. Just throw your title around and tell people they have to do it because you said so and go shut your door and don't worry about how they react to it. That's easier than being a servant leader. • • • But it's so essential that we want to just build these, • • • um, • • trust relationships, • • • that they know that you have their back, that you genuinely care about them as human beings first and as employees second. • • • • All of that's going to • make them more open. They're going to be more open to receiving that encouragement and not being cynical about it. They're going to be open to, • • um, working harder, they're going to be open to staying longer. All of this increases teacher retention. • • • And • • you know, they're going to, • um. • When you invest time in them, • • whether it's one on one conversations, you show interest in them • • as a human being, you show interest in their growth as a professional. • You're accessible, you're visible, you have a predictable mood. • • • They feel supported, they feel heard. • • • You are going to have a school built on strong • • trust relationships. And that is going to be an excellent culture. And it starts with you. And again, is it easy? No. It is hard and it's exhausting. But it is the best way. It's the way people want to be led and it can transform your school. • • • •
Seven ways to turn encouragement into your superpower at your school
And I mentioned a few times that this is hard and it's exhausting. And that kind of brings us to number seven, which is our final point. And that is to encourage self compassion. • • • And I would add to that, self care. • • • Because if you really want to • • • do the things that are listed in this episode to make encouragement your superpower and to really elevate the culture at your school, • • then it's not just about encouraging everyone else, • • it's about encouraging yourself, • • • cleaning up your self talk, • • • um, not running yourself down and being too hard on yourself when you make a mistake. • • • Um, you got to show yourself the same compassion that you offer to other people. • • • And then that means, that means being kind to yourself the way that you talk to yourself. And you know, you've got to give yourself grace when things don't go perfectly. And the leaders that I coach, • • • I would say that this is a common problem among leaders that I coach that • their self talk is not great. Um, they're too hard on themselves when something goes wrong. • • Um, and they're not practicing self care. • • But you know, if we want to develop that optimism and that resilience and be able to display that empathy, the only way we can do it is if we're practicing some kind of self care • • and being kind to ourselves. • • • And oh, by the way, if we're doing that, we're modeling that for our teachers. • • • • And so none of this is easy, none of it, but all of it is essential if we want that culture to be the reality at our schools. • • • And so the big takeaways from the episode, • • the seven ways to turn encouragement into your superpower. Number one, encourage with authenticity. Number two, create a culture of appreciation. • • Three, Encourage effort over perfection. Four. Be a source of support during tough times. • • Five, lead by example with positive language. Six foster strong relationships based on trust. And seven encourage self compassion. • • • And I like to end every episode with a call to action. And I would say that in the next week, if you would take 15 minutes, • • just assess yourself on these seven points • • • and then decide which one of them needs the most work • • • and then take one action to make that better. • • • •
Top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit
Okay, I told you at the top of the episode • • that I want to help you • • • have • a better second half of your school year than the first half. • • • And there's two different ways that I can help you with that. One is with Thrive Academy, • • the privatescchooly year.com thrive • • • and an asynchronous online digital course that includes office hours with other leaders live once a week. • • • It can be a game changer for you, just like it's been a game changer for dozens of Thrive Academy students. • • • And it's a way that you can, at your own pace, • • • • • • • improve your productivity and improve your work life, blend with boundaries and reconnect with your purpose and get more energized and to have that long and happy and fulfilling career • • as a private school leader. • • And another way is to work one on one together with me as your leadership coach. • And I'd love to do that and I'd love to talk to you more about that. And you can set up a free 20 minute Zoom call and by checking out the privatescglr.com • • coaching and I want to give you one more gift before we go and that is the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit. And this is a 10 page PDF that can help you keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. • Litigation is expensive and time consuming and stressful and emotional and this common sense guide will help you be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. So you can grab that@the privateschooler.com lawsuit. Again, that's the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit@the • privatehoolader.com • • lawsuit. • • And the show notes for today's episode are@the privatescglludr.com Episode 114. • • • And last thing, I would just ask for a favor that if you get value from any episode of this podcast, • if you would please just share the link with another leader at your school, another leader in your life, someone you met at a conference, • but also • • share it with a rising leader at your school. We need to raise up the next generation of Private school leaders. • And you have a good eye for spotting that talent at your school. Share the podcast with them, • forward them the link to the podcast. • • And so I just want to say thank you. You know, I've been your host, Mark Minkus. I appreciate you. I appreciate all your hard work and that, you know, you're serving those lucky kids and those lucky teachers. And I just appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule to join me here today. And. And I'll see you next time right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
Dec 14, 2024 • 41min
Episode 113: The 6 Keys To Retaining Your Teachers
Has this ever happened to you?
You get a text from a teacher that says, “Hey, do you have a few minutes to talk?”
Or maybe a teacher appears at your door and asks, “Can I talk to you?”
Your heart drops because you know why they want to talk to you. They won’t be coming back next year.
Why does it have to be this way? You pour yourself into your teachers. You work so hard and then it seems like they leave anyway. It feels really discouraging and frustrating and demoralizing and scary.
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to discuss The 6 Keys To Retaining Your Teachers.
I know that you are super busy, so be sure to listen while you are doing something else. I hope that you will get value from this episode as you serve and lead your school community. Thank you for taking some time out of your day to listen to the podcast!
Thanks for making a difference,
Mark Minkus
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
If you have gotten value from listening to the podcast, I would love to work with you 1-on-1.
I help my clients overcome imposter syndrome, set boundaries between work and home and how to actually get important things done instead of having your day ruled by the tyranny of the urgent. Sounds impossible right? It’s not. I can teach you how to make it possible.
I would love to be your coach and I have a few spots open. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having A Successful Meeting With An Upset Parent. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode113
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
Dec 7, 2024 • 42min
Episode 112: How To Handle The Rise Of Deepfake Content And NCII (Non-Consensual Intimate Imagery)
Today’s episode is going to feel like a trip to the dentist.
We usually don’t want to go and we try to avoid it. When we finally do go it is usually pretty uncomfortable.
We may want to avoid talking about this. It will definitely be uncomfortable to discuss, but it is a very, very important topic.
We are facing an invisible threat. It is just as real as water on the Gym floor or a jagged piece of metal on the monkey bars. Even though we can’t see it, we need to know what it is, why it exists, how to reduce the likelihood that it will happen at your school and how to effectively respond if it does happen. On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to talk about How To Handle The Rise Of Deepfake Content And NCII (Non-Consensual Intimate Imagery)
Thank you for listening to the podcast every week. You are making a difference in the lives of the students, teachers and parents at your school. I know that what you do is difficult, exhausting and lonely. Your hard work inspires me to keep making weekly content to try to encourage and inspire you as you serve your school.
Thanks for all you do,
Mark Minkus
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
If you have gotten value from listening to the podcast, I would love to work with you 1-on-1.
I help my clients overcome imposter syndrome, set boundaries between work and home and how to actually get important things done instead of having your day ruled by the tyranny of the urgent. Sounds impossible right? It’s not. I can teach you how to make it possible.
I would love to be your coach and I have a few spots open. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having A Successful Meeting With An Upset Parent. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode112
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to Private School Leader podcast, uh, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So I want to start today's episode by telling you a story, um, and it's a story that might make you uncomfortable. It's the story of a principal, a high school principal in New Jersey. And this is something that happened in spring of 2024. • • • And one day • • • an email showed up in the email inbox of every employee in this principal's, • • uh, building. • • And it was from an unknown email address and an audio file was attached. • • • • And so several people • • opened that email and listened to it. • • And there was about a 30 second rant, • • • uh, the voice of the principal going on a racist, • • anti, um, • • Semitic, homophobic rant. • • • And so of course there was, • • um, a huge, uh, reaction to that. He was suspended. • • And um, they had to get, um, you know, police officer, um, out in front of the house • • and • all of these kinds of, um, things to • • try and put some space between this principal • • and the school community and the community at large. • • But there was just one humongous problem, • • and that is that the principal never said those words. • • • And what he was dealing with was that someone had created a Deepfake audio • • and then distributed it. • • • And it turned out • that, um, • after an investigation, that they found out that it was actually • an employee in the school district, a disgruntled employee who had been put on a performance improvement plan, • who had created this Deepfake audio by getting audio off of the school's website or from a snow delay announcement. Um, you don't need a lot of audio to be able to type in a message and then have it sound pretty convincing. • • And so of course this principle in New Jersey, he didn't do anything wrong, • • • but that didn't change his home being vandalized, his reputation • • being impacted, and the difficulties that he would face moving forward from people who perhaps just didn't believe him. • • • And so, on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, • • we are going to talk about a very, • • • uh, difficult subject, a subject that is honestly kind of scary. Um, but we have to be prepared. • And that is how to handle the rise of Deepfake content. • • • Ncii, which stands for Non Consensual Intimate Imagery. • • •
I have a free resource for you on how to protect your school from lawsuits
But before we get into that. I just want to let you know that I have a free resource for you called the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit. • • This is a 10 page PDF • that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. • • We all know that litigation is expensive and time consuming and extremely stressful. And this common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. • And so you can go to the privatehooller.com lawsuit to grab the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit. That's the privatescchooler.com lawsuit and that's free to you as a thank you just for listening to the podcast. • • • And then just a quick question. What is your biggest problem at school right now? • • • Is it that you're overwhelmed? Is it that your family never sees you? • Um, • • you're starting to get burn out? Is it relentless parents? Is it difficult teachers? Is it all of the above? • • Well, I would love to work with you one on one and hear more about that problem and help you solve your biggest problem. • • And um, I just want to put that out there that I have a couple of coaching spots open right now and you can go to the privatehooladeer.com coaching to find out more about working with me one on one. • • • So most of you know that, um, when I publish an episode every week that I also put the audio of that episode on YouTube • • in about two months ago, um, there started to be a question that popped up that I hadn't seen before. And um, there's all different kinds of things. To post a YouTube video, you click on this and you, • you know, mark it as public. Is it for children? No. And just all these different kinds of things that you do. And I had pretty much gotten into the routine after over 100 episodes. • • • • • But then, uh, like, uh, I said a couple months ago, this question popped up. And here's the question. • • Do any of the following describe your content? Makes a real person appear to say or do something they didn't say or do? Alters footage of a real event or place, Generates a realistic looking scene that didn't actually occur. And then you click yes or no. • • • And we know why that question now appears before you can post. And let's face it, I mean, anyone can post. • • Click yes, click no, or click yes on that. • • • Um, obviously I click no and probably some other people click no that do put out fake content. But, um, the fact that YouTube is now asking that question is this Real. This is, • uh, are you trying to make a person here to say or do something they didn't say or do? Is this generating a realistic looking scene that didn't actually occur? • • And so our topic today, it addresses something that's serious and it's just increasingly prevalent for private school leaders. • • And that's the rise of deepfake content and non consensual intimate imagery. • • • • • And just as • • • technology continues to improve • • • that creating and sharing • • these fake images that are manipulated or fabricated, created, • um, whether it's audio or images or video, it's easier than it's ever been before. • • • • And unfortunately this content poses some really unique risks to our schools, • • to our kids, to our staff, to us as private school leaders. • • • • And here's how we're going to handle this because we, • • • I told you at the top of the episode that this is going to be uncomfortable but necessary. • • And so we're going to lean into this and we're going to educate ourselves so that we can be prepared • and then if, God forbid, it happens at your school, then you can have a plan. • •
This episode discusses the implications of deepfake content for private school leaders
Um, and so in this episode we're going to define what is deepfake content and what is ncii. • • We're going, I'm going to explain why they're so accessible today. • • Um, and just, it didn't seem this way, just even this a year ago, maybe two years ago. We're going to discuss the implications for you as a private school leader. And then most importantly, I'm going to give you 10 strategies • • that you can use to help protect your staff and students. • • Um, and it's some guidance that some of it is proactive and preventative and then some of it is reactive. If, um, something like this were to happen at your school. So let's get into this. • • • • First of all, let's define these terms. What is deepfake content? • • So deepfakes are digital manipulations of images, videos or audio clips where AI is used to replace a person's face, body or voice • • with another. And so that seems pretty straightforward. It's terrifying, but it's pretty straightforward. • • Um, and this technology can create highly realistic and convincing images and, or audio. As I said at the top of the episode with this • • principle, um, • • • in New Jersey, it makes it really difficult to tell what's real and what's not. • • And, and these deepfakes, it can range from humorous to deeply harmful. And I think that like with many things, it kind of started out as being funny, you know, putting someone's face on a celebrity or you know, those kinds of things. But then unfortunately, it started to take a dark turn. • • • And, you know, it's possible for deepfake tech to be used positively, • like in the world of entertainment where we watch a Marvel movie and how much of that is real and how much of it is cgi? • • I don't really care when I'm watching a Marvel movie because I'm interested in watching them fight aliens and whatever. • • • So there are some • positives to it. But of course we know • that, um, this can lead to people being exploited, • • • reputations being damaged, um, and it can be extremely, um, harmful. So that's deepfake.
NCII stands for non Consensual intimate imagery
Let's talk about ncii. And as I've said, NCII stands for • • non Consensual intimate imagery. • • • So these are explicit images or videos • • that are shared without the consent of the person. • • • • And sometimes you may have heard the term revenge porn. • • And kind of what that used to refer to was photos • • • of, um, • • adults who were, um, in a consensual relationship and had intimate photos of each other on their phone, let's say. And then when they broke up, then perhaps one or, um, one of the people that were in that relationship would share that, um, imagery widely, • • • um, and, • • you know, kind of get back at them. Hence the term revenge porn. • • And so NCII takes it to another level. I mean it still is under that, under that umbrella is still • • access to intimate imagery and then the distribution of that. But also the deepfake takes it to a whole nother level because • • • it can be • • • • non, um, • • consensual intimate imagery that is a face of a 8th grade girl, let's say that's on Instagram. • And, and then someone puts that onto • • the body of a nude woman. • • • And so, • um, • • you know, NCII is a growing • • • issue and • • • becoming more common and it can be incredibly damaging to young people. • • • And it's often used maliciously and for bullying and humiliation and coercion. And • • • • it can affect someone for the rest of their life. I mean, the research isn't really complete because a lot of this is so new, but I mean it's just common sense. • • Um, and then there's also the blackmail aspect of it, and we'll talk about that a little bit later. •
Why are deepfakes so accessible today? There are three reasons
So let's answer this question. Why are these technologies so accessible, so much more accessible today? • • • So there's three reasons for that. When I was doing my research, I came up with three reasons. So number one is advancements in AI technology. And so • • • technology has just continued to advance. And now we're at a point where deepfakes that used to be done by • • • Industrial Light and Magic for Star wars movies or TV shows or things that used to be done for Marvel movies that now, you know, it's pretty easy for someone with some basic computer skills • • and just a few clicks on an app to upload some images and create some highly realistic content that is often pretty indistinguishable from the real thing. • • And so it's just become a lot easier. And if you think about it, you know, depending on what your age is, • you know, you may remember gigantic TVS that were part of like a console or, you know, uh, they were TVS that sat on a TV stand and they had a huge back on them and then it got to be flat screen TVS and you know, the technology just continued to improve. • • And so I'm not anti technology. I think it's just the reality • • of the situation that as technology improves, there will often be many, many good uses for it. But then there's also going to be a dark side to that. • •
The second reason why this is becoming so prevalent is because of the Internet
So, um, the last piece of why this is becoming, I said advancements in AI technology, um, I mentioned it briefly. It's just that there are now platforms and apps that users can use to upload photos. And so the access is easier, the tools are more user friendly, it's faster and it's cheaper than it used to be. And so that's why it's happening more often. The second reason why it's becoming so prevalent is because of the wide availability of personal images. • • So it used to be, and again, • • you know, I'm in my late 50s and so I remember photo albums and I remember a world before smartphones and many of you do as well. It used to be that our photos • were developed, um, at uh, you know, a store and we went and picked them up and then they went into photo albums. But now with the rise of smartphones and cloud storage, • • images are everywhere. You know, social media, um, • • • • you know, people often • • share photos and videos publicly, audio of their voice, you know, and it's very easily accessible now. So we've got the combination of advanced • • • • • technology and AI • • and the wide availability of images that maybe weren't as available um, 10 years ago. • • And so there's this humongous repository of personal imagery and media and audio • • and video and images that can be exploited if there's someone out there that's looking to create fake content or harmful content. And so then you've got hacking and phishing and scams and data breaches, • • and then those things sometimes are, • • um, • • you know, through no, • • • • um, harm no, um, intentional, um, • • ill will on the part of a student or staff member at your school. • • • • • But it just is this external thing that happens and then that's out there and then it becomes more exposed. And when it's exposed, it can be manipulated. • • And then the third reason why this is becoming so prevalent is because of the anonymity of the Internet. • And we already know that that's a problem. But these, um, people who are doing deepfake and NCII creators, • they're just operating anonymously and, and it's very difficult to hold them accountable. • Um, • • • • and so if you • are out there and you think that there are no consequences, then you can get pretty bold and pretty malicious • • and distribute some pretty harmful images and you're not worried about getting in trouble because it's a lot harder to track somebody. You know, if, if someone wrote a note, let's say, and again, we're going back now to the 80s and 90s, but someone writes a note and hands it to someone, boom, you know, right there it's very clear who did this. • Um, and yes, you can still trace IP addresses and things of that nature. But, um, it is just getting, um, more difficult. And um, • • there's anonymity that creates that boldness to um, • create, to create this kind of content. • •
This episode focuses on implications for us as private school leaders regarding school threats
And so before we get into the strategies, I want to talk about implications for us as private school leaders. And so before we do that, I just want to say that I know I'm talking about a lot of stuff. Um, as usual, I'm going toa take good care of you in the show notes@thepr privatechhoolader.com • • • Episode 102 • • and um, I'll also link some helpful articles there for you, um, as well as the 10 strategies that we're going to talk about. So, you know, you don't have to • • • think and try to remember all of these things. You can just kind of take it in on this first pass, um, as you listen and then, um, dig in a little deeper • • • when you have time. • • So, implications for us as private school leaders. Here's the big thing that I want you to hear and that is that we just need to recognize that these are not distant threats. Okay, I was reading a blog and I really like that phrase that these are not distant threats, they're here. • • • So I'm going to say that a third time. These are not distant threats. They are here. • • • • And they can directly affect our students, our teachers, our institutions'reputations • here's the thing, it if the sidewalk was icy out in Front of the school, you would have somebody go out there and put salt on it. • • If the playground had um, where the monkey bars are, there was one that was broken off and there's this sharp piece of metal that's sticking out and it's 10 minutes before recess, you're gonna do something about it. But those are visible threats • • • • and so • • of course they get our attention. • • • Well, I just want to this to register on your radar that this is an invisible threat. • • And while we're going to try and do some things to reduce the • opportunity, • • • I want to equip you not only with the things to do proactively, but what to do if it does happen. • • It's a threat. It's just a threat that we can't see and we don't know where or when it's coming. And maybe it won't happen, you know, maybe it won't. But um, it's good to be prepared and so that's why I felt compelled to do this episode.
Deepfake videos can have life altering effects on students and school reputation
So let's just talk for a minute about um, some implications for us as leaders and then I'll get into the strategies. So number one is damage to student and staff reputation. • • So • • • you probably got to chill down your spine when I was telling you the story about the principal in New Jersey and the audio • that wasn't him. And then there's protesters outside of his house. • • Um, • • • you know, a single deepf fig video or audio or imagery can have life altering effects and the younger the student, the more impactful it can be. • • Um, and they're likely gonna face bullying and shame • and perhaps reputational harm. Even if it is clearly found out that this was a deepfake, um, this was NCII • • • mental health issues. It's going to impact their academic performance, their relationships within the class, • all kinds of things. So the first thing is the impact on our staff and students • • and then there's the threat to our school's reputation. • • And while the students are our priority, we also want to make sure that our school has a good reputation in the community. And so if this is popping up in our school community, then are the, you know, the news trucks going to show up the next morning and want to talk to you about it? Um, • • you know, this is something juicy that um, is starting to become more and more common in happening in public schools. And usually if it's happening in public high schools, it's not • too long after that that it's going to start popping up in private high schools and then in private middle schools. And so, you know, we want to protect our reputation as a school. We don't want this salacious kind of news out there. And so there's the need for confidentiality, but there's also the need for diligence, • • um, in our preparation and in the way that we handle things. So. And then there's this trust relationship that we're in with the parents and students and staff. And when there's a breach of that trust and a breach of that psychological safety that everyone is seeking in our schools, • • • then that can impact enrollment and staff retention and how the community perceives our school, even if we didn't do anything wrong. • • And that's why, you know, a few episodes back, I did an episode on • • • • the emotional price tag of a ongoing lawsuit. You know, • it's not that we have to do something wrong to get sued. • • • Um, it's not that we are, you know, we might check all the boxes as far as trying to be prepared for this and it happens anyways, but we just have to use common sense, um, be prepared • • and, you know, again, try to protect the kids, protect the reputation of the school. And then also, number three is just the increased legal risks. And that kind of all weaves together with what I was saying a minute ago. • Um, you know, if the school was deemed negligent in protecting students, if you don't have a reporting system, if you don't have a policy, or if you do have a policy and you didn't follow the policy, • um, you know, if the content was created or shared or spread around on school property or using school technology, you know, now the school's involved and it's a legal matter that's going to involve law enforcement. And so, you know, again, I know that these things suck and these things are scary, but the thing that's worse is to stick our head in the sand and not. And cover up our ears and not know any of this. So, again, um, I know it's a lot. It's a lot to take in. Um, but • • • • the best thing to do is to try to learn and to try to, um, be prepared. • • • • •
10 proactive strategies for Private School leaders to Reduce deepfake content
Okay, let's get into these 10 proactive strategies • • • for Private School leaders to Reduce deepfake content and ncii. So really, this list is a combination of trying to be proactive • and then also what to do • • if this does happen at your school. • • So, number one, with most things, this is the same with this issue is to educate your school community • • and so to hold • • • regular • sessions, whether it's during advisory, • um, • • • whether it's during professional development for teachers. Teachers should Be informed and educated about this issue. • • Students should be informed about the dangers and the consequences of deepfake and NCII on both sides of it. One is the potential victim who is sharing way too much stuff that they need to be taught about the dangers • of sharing too much, um, information or too much, • uh, video, audio, images. • • • • But by the same token, you know, those that would maybe be thinking about doing something like this, they need to be informed • • the severe consequences • • should this happen. • • And we know that awareness is always the first step to prevention, whether it's • • preventing force, fires, or whether it's, you know, like I said, the, the icy sidewalk out in front of the school. • • • If you're not aware of it, • • then you're not going to send someone out there to put some salt on the sidewalk. So awareness, we want to educate everybody • • and then we want to teach everyone in our school community just what are deepfakes and what is NCII and how do we recognize them and why they're harmful. • And • • if we can educate, we can combat the shame, • • • • because the shame is going to keep people from reporting it. • • • And it is very underreported as far as deepfakes and ncii. • • • And so that's because of the shame factor. • • And so we need to be • • • very diligent in our education. • • • Um, you know, offer sessions and resources about how to protect personal information online, • • the importance of privacy settings on social media, you know, setting the Instagram account to private, • making sure that the age, • • um, • • recommended ages are, you know, being met, things of that nature. I'm not saying that's your responsibility to like police that. I'm just saying to educate the kids, the teachers. And then of course we need to engage the parents on this, to hold • informational sessions for parents, • • • um, record those on video and then share that video with all the parents because not all the parents are going to be able to be there. Just m. Maybe have an outside speaker come in, someone from law enforcement or a mental health professional. You don't have to become the expert on this. • • You can become aware enough so that you can keep your kids and staff as safe as possible, but just like you would for something else, whether it's vaping or whatever, • • • • you know, try and find, um, someone local, • • um, mental health professional, law enforcement, a pediatrician, • um, you know, put out the feelers within your school community confidentially to try to, you know, be proactive. And, um, not only will you then have that person in there educating your staff and parents and students, but then you also have a person that you can turn to if it does • • um, happen at your school. • • Okay, that's. Number one is educate. Number two is implement clear policies. • • • So we got to have • • clear policies around appropriate digital behavior. And I'm sure you do about personal devices and whether or not they can have their phones out or you know, not using the school Chromebook for you know, non school purposes. Like you have all kinds of policies but make sure that the policy explicitly addresses cyberbullying, • • • non consensual, • um, intimate imagery and um, deepfakes. And I'm not saying you necessarily need to go if you're listening to this in real time. It's um, early December. I'm not saying you need to go halfway through the school year and change the handbook, but maybe you decide you do want to do that. Um, that's up to you. But um, • • you know, to just be clear, um, • • about • • • the policies • • • and then also obviously follow them, um, we'll get to that in a minute. But establish guidelines around social media use that um, limit the sharing of personal information and images, especially by students and staff. And again you can't police that, especially what happens outside of school. But you can have these guidelines and then um, you can try to educate and then try to um, consistently enforce your policies. Okay, Number three, we're going toa strengthen our cybersecurity. • So you very likely have a pretty good um, cybersecurity framework or firewall or • • filters, um, • • • • um, whatever you want to call it, your, you know, your school's digital infrastructure that prevents hackers. And • • what you don't want is someone hacking the school and getting all of that personal data, • school photos, um, you know, • um, other kinds of information. And so • • • it's, you know, we want to just invest in that so that um, we're keeping • things from the outside from coming in and hacking us. Okay. And then number four is to monitor school networks internally. • So at our school we have um, and this has to be. Okay, let me just, let me just read this. It says use AI driven monitoring systems • • that can detect and alert or flag administrators to potential violations. • • • So the reason it's AI driven, um, • • like it is at our school is because what are you going to do? Are you going to hire someone that's going to sit there? And there's no way that you could hire enough people to sit there and like go through and monitor all that. So almost all of them now are AI driven. And I know it's kind of like ironic that we're using AI to help us catch • um, someone that's doing Something they shouldn't do. But, you know, occasionally I'll get an email from the director of technology that says, • • • um, hey, um, you know, so and so flagged for • • visiting this website, what have you. And so very likely you have those kinds of things in place. If not, talk to the person that knows more about that than you do. Um, and make sure that you're monitoring things, um, • • internally. • • Number five, establish reporting channels. Okay? So you're going to make sure that there are clear and confidential ways for students or staff to report this if it happens. • • • And it has to be clear, it has to be confidential, it has to be • • • very low hanging fruit as far as like quote, unquote, the comfort level. Because the better your reporting channels and the better your way of doing, the better you are at doing this. • You're going to help them overcome that shame factor, • • • • um, • • they have in their head. They being the child, • • they being possibly the staff member. Oh man, I shouldn't have shared that photo. Here's uh, • • • here's the thing. It's like • m the problem with Deepfake and ncii. I mean, with ncii, often it is an intimate image that the child or the staff member shared and then it's being used in an inappropriate way. It was never intended for public use. • • • But that's kind of become irrelevant because with Deepfake, it could just be a regular photo posted at the park on Instagram that then someone • • uses to make it into an intimate image. Okay, so there's going to be a shame factor attached to this. • And this anonymous reporting system has to allow students and staff to report • without the, • • to report the harassment, because that's what it is. It's a crime, uh, in most, um, in most states, • • um, • and we'll get to law enforcement next. But, • • • • um, • just to be able to report without fear of retribution, that's our responsibility to make sure that that is in place. And if it's not, then it's something that you can, you can talk about. What is the, what is the procedure? Um, number six, partner with law enforcement. So you want to continue to build on those relationships with local law enforcement. If you have a good relationship with one of the local officers, then, you know, have a conversation about this. Do they have someone in their department that's an expert in cybercrime or cyberbullying or • • • has investigated deepfakes or ncii? They will likely have some advice. • • And then, um, • • there will also be that preexisting, um, relationship, that communication that already exists, should, God forbid You know, something happen at school and then you are know, you would know, um, what you're required to disclose and report and how and when and so on and so forth.
Number seven is to provide legal consequences education to kids and the students
And that leads us right into number seven, which is also partner with legal, • • um, your legal advisor, your attorney, the school's attorney, and also provide legal consequences education to the kids and the students. • So this is two parts. First of all, you know, with your attorney. Again, you may talk to your attorney and they may not know much at all about DeepFaker NCII. Okay, • • • • fine. But then they need to talk to somebody who does. Um, because you want to make sure that you're checking the boxes for, for the town, for the state that you live in, that you're keeping those kids safe, • um, and that you're doing, you know, what's, what is supposed to, um, be done, um, and, you know, what are the laws that you need to be aware of, make sure the school is compliant. • Um, there's protective legislation out there. • Um, and so, you know, again, very likely, if you've got a m, you know, a good internal monitoring system • and you're um, you know, trying to stay on top of that, that you're doing a good job of keeping your kids safe. It's just, • • • it's just wise to talk to your attorney • • • about this, um, and the possibility of how to, you know, you don't want to be • • having that first conversation • • after you hang up the phone from the dad that called you that said, • • there's a picture out there of my daughter. Okay, um, you want to have some of these conversations • • before that and then pray that that phone call never happens. • • • • And then the second part of this is to educate the students on the potential legal consequences • • • of creating or distributing NCII or deepfake. So the kids need to know. • And so if you know what the law is, • • • • then you can pass it on to the kids because, you know, kids have this invisibility, • invincibility complex that nothing's ever going to happen to them and they're not going to get in trouble. And there's that anonymity of the Internet factor. • • • But that again, • • you know, if a determined police force, who has cybers, security experts, • u, um, given enough time, they're probably going to figure it out. Okay? So that's important to • • um, know and um, to share and not in a scary way, but just again, we're educating the kids on consequences so that they can make choices. • • • Number eight is to provide mental health support. And we want to offer that mental health support because these are victims, they're victims of cyber bullying, they're victims of possibly child pornography being distributed. Um, and • support from trained counselors can help these • children or staff members navigate the trauma because this is trauma if this happens to them and then the stress that is surrounding that. And so we need to do a really, really good job if um, God forbid, one of our students or staff members is a victim of supporting them and then also referring them to external mental health resources. • • • Um, number nine is to use a digital footprint awareness campaign. And that's just really baked into • • um, your digital citizenship advisory, • • • um, education, where you're going to teach kids about their digital footprint and the long term impact • • sharing things online. And, and again, you're not going toa try and scare them, you're going to inform them. You want them to start to really, really see about, • • • um, the, the dangers that are out there and the wisdom that they have to show in just keeping everything, you know, to themselves and sharing as little as possible out there beyond just their small circle of friends. And, and I get it, you know, their, their frontal lobe is not fully formed and that's why we're in their lives to help them and they do dumb things. Um, but we have to again, educate them and you know, • • • • make sure that they're understanding about the digital footprint and how that can be something that's out there forever. • • • • And then number 10 is to limit device use where necessary. • • • Um, whatever your rules are, but especially in vulnerable areas like bathrooms, locker rooms, • • • hotel, um, • • rooms on a field trip, things like that, um, • it is very, very, • • • • • • • I would say that I would strongly recommend that um, you think about those places first • and then click one click out. As far as I know, many of you are wrestling with middle school and high school. You know, do we collect the phones? Many of you do, many of you don't. Um, it's a really tough issue, but you know, a place to start would be the more vulnerable areas. Bathrooms, locker rooms, um, sleeping areas during field trips. • • So I want to just hit you with two final thoughts on this. Um, two big things that didn't really fit into the list. All right? So number one is to pump the brakes on consequences. So let's say God forbid that this happens at your school. Let me explain what I mean about pump the brakes on consequences. • • • • • • Often • • we • • would • be so focused on • • • • • the consequences of finding out who did it • • and then just • • • throwing the book at them. You know, the handbook says expulsion, boom, you're out. Um, you know, there's a rumor that it was this boy in, you know, seventh grade that did the thing and whatever. And by the way, that's another thing that I meant to add to my list is just throw gender out the window. And what I mean by that is, you know, we can't have, • • • • we can't continue to think about this as well. It's middle school boys that are doing this to middle school girls. Okay? Is that more likely to be the thing? Yes. But anybody can do any of these things to anyone, regardless of age, gender, color, sexual orientation, • doesn't matter. Okay. • • Uh, it is an act that can be done by anybody. And we are going to paint ourselves into a corner and have very, very narrow minded thinking about it. If we are looking at it from a gender standpoint as far as who's likely to do what to whom. Okay, Just don't, just don't get trapped by that. • • But instead of • • • just wanting to hurry up and punish somebody so that you can make this strong statement to the school, and trust me, there will be pressure on you from the board and from the parents of the child that, you know, had this happen, or from the staff member and the staff members, friends and whatever. • • • • • • But you need to pump the brakes and thoroughly, thoroughly investigate it. Because think about what happened in New Jersey. It wasn't even him. And so • • especially if it's a teacher that's being accused of, if there's audio out there or if it's images that are posted online and it's like, oh my goodness, I can't believe my teacher would do that. Suspend them, you know, fire them, whatever the case might be • • for a student. Um, you know, • • it's, it's not necessarily real, it's not necessarily what happened. And so, you know, is it appropriate to, appropriate to suspend someone while you're investigating? Yes, • but we just need to be thorough • • and resist the urge and temptation • to want to • • just drop the hammer on the first person that we're pretty sure did the thing. • • Because the whole point of this episode is that it's hard to know and it's hard to be sure about this stuff. Okay? And then the second thing that's a big takeaway I want you to remember • • • is • • to emphasize the mental health support of the victims. And I think that, uh, there's a lot in the literature that I've been reading that often schools do a pretty good job of investigating and consequencing quickly and severely, • but not always do a great job on the. And also they're focused on the reputational damage to the school and not Always great on the support, mental health support and relational support, social, emotional support of the victims. • So those are two things that kept coming up again and again in what I was reading in preparing for this episode. •
Mark Mincus: I would recommend that you share this episode with other leaders
So I like to end every episode with a call to action. I would recommend that you share this episode with other leaders at your school or possibly if you have a school counselor. And then I would say to put it on the agenda to discuss, not necessarily with the whole leadership team. Again, some of you, you are the leadership team. You and someone in the office. Larger schools have a bigger team. Whatever the size of your team is, maybe it's you. And you pick a couple veteran teachers and you get in a room and discuss it and come up with a couple of things. But to share the episode • • • with • a few specific people and then to have, ah, a meeting with those people to discuss next steps specifically for you at your school. And remember I said I want to give you that, that free gift about, um, how to • • help protect your school from a lawsuit. And you know, there's some overlap there between what we're talking about today. And so you can get that@the privategaler.com lawsuit. • Another one is Five Strategies to Help you work with difficult parents. • Um, you can grab that@the privateooler.com parents just to give you some free resources to keep you, • • um, you know, going in the right direction. So I know that that was a lot. I know that that was heavy. I know that that was scary. • Um, but the only thing that's worse is to not be, uh, informed. And so, um, I'll take good care of you in the show notes@thepr privatechoolade leader.com Episode 102 • and I just really appreciate you, um, • • you're taking great care of these kids and you're keeping them safe and this is just one step in that direction that you've been going, um, and working hard to ashore. And so, um, I've been your host, Mark Mincus. I appreciate you so much and all your hard work at your school. • Thank you for taking some of your precious time out of your week to join me here today. And I'll see you next time right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second and make a difference.
