Best Life Best Death

When Kera’s mom died unexpectedly at age 57, just a few days after Kera had just had a baby, the duality of grieving and mothering dropped her to her knees. Out of this grief and in the year that followed, Kera found resilience in the stories of so many others dealing with loss. While still a full-time high school teacher, she launched a magazine called Get Griefy, packed with stories that move and inspire. As the Get Griefy mission declares: “Our commitment is to go beyond the conventional narratives surrounding grief and loss, acknowledging that life after loss is not only about mourning but also about embracing the strength to live fully.” https://www.legacylettersjournal.com/home https://www.instagram.com/legacylettersjournal/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/kera-sanchez-066a79a6/

How do we support individuals to do death better? #1 Realize that the medical system isn’t set up to address the gaps for the dying and their families. #2 Identify for you and yours: what are the gaps we are going to have, and what might possibly fill them? #3 Look into resources ahead of time. The bottom line: We aren’t very prepared and there are gaps we really should know about. Take your head out of the sand of denial and have a look around, starting with listening to Dr. Uslander’s naming of “the five gaps people don’t see coming” in this important episode. https://empoweredendings.com/ https://www.facebook.com/empowerendings https://www.linkedin.com/in/bobuslander/ https://www.instagram.com/empowered_endings_/ https://www.youtube.com/@Empowered-Endings/

The HeartLight Center in Denver, CO is a nonprofit grief center offering in-person and online support to those who are grieving or supporting grievers. Executive Director Jenn Flaum talks with me about how they strive to “adapt, connect, and create what’s meaningful” for all those who come through the door. What are the different things that grievers need? What does a grief group look like? How is “peer-based support” different? When you need support, why choose a group versus individual counseling?  https://heartlightcenter.org/ https://www.instagram.com/heartlightcenter/ https://facebook.com/heartlightcenter https://twitter.com/heartlightcente https://www.linkedin.com/company/2101243/

Several years ago, film Director Johanna Lunn set out to make a movie about death. What she quickly discovered was that there were enormous amounts of material and innumerable possibilities for directions this could take. So she co-founded a website, whenyoudie.org, and ultimately created three films, each one a compilation of interviews with experts, musings by the narrator, and gorgeous views of nature. What can we learn from listening to experts who've spent their careers with folks who are near death? What can we learn about living from exploring dying? Here is one thing I’ve learned: changing the culture means learning a lot more about what we have kept at arm’s length.

Helen Bauer is one of those people who makes connections and disseminates information in every way she can think of! With 500+ podcast episodes of The Heart of Hospice, and 15+ years as a hospice nurse, Helen is dedicated to helping people answer the questions they have about the end of life – especially when it comes to hospice care. What kind of choices do I have at this stage? What are my options? How can I get the ‘big picture’ to help me orient myself to this new landscape? How can I talk to someone impartial? Who has fast answers to my questions for myself or my loved one? https://www.theheartofhospice.com/ https://www.facebook.com/theheartofhospice/ https://www.instagram.com/theheartofhospice/ https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-heart-of-hospice/ https://twitter.com/TheHeartHospice

I reached out to artist Claudia Biçen when I learned about an installation she had created some years ago that combined the portraits and words of hospice patients in a striking, intimate way. Our conversation ended up being about that, yes, but we also explore the richness of creativity, impermanence, adaptation, and the making of meaning. As Claudia said, “Life throws you this experience and you pivot and you pivot and you pivot and you keep trying to make meaning from it.” How might these “portraits and stories at the end of life” inform our living?

We have probably all attended funerals that we found meaningful – and services that fell flat. What are the parts that make up a meaningful memorial service? What’s the difference between a funeral and a celebration of life? How does music make a difference? How can an officiate – whether secular or religious – help to hold the experience of the day for all who participate? In these modern times, with families and friends far flung, why are such rituals still relevant? https://www.thisishowmystoryends.com/

Nothing like talking to an expert in the field to clarify what truly matters! Sue Mackey has been working for more than 15 years to help people prepare for the end of life. We talk about critical pieces of the puzzle, such as: What is a healthcare proxy? Is that the same thing as a durable medical power of attorney? And why are there so many terms that mean the same thing anyway? (Spoiler: There is no way to actually answer this, at least not in 30 minutes.) Sue and I talk about what gets in the way of getting the paperwork we know we need to do completed, but ultimately, as Sue says, “Paperwork is the surface work – first you’ve got to take a look at your own mortality!” Only then will you find yourself signing what needs to be signed. https://www.outoftheboxendoflifeplanning.com facebook.com/OutoftheBoxFuneralPlanning linkedin.com/suemackey88

Dr. Qwynn Galloway-Salazar brings her experience as a veteran and spouse of a combat veteran straight into her work as a death doula and educator. She sees the value of a multi-layered approach, believing that: 1) we can best companion veterans who are dying by understanding their unique end-of-life needs; 2) we can better support the caregivers of veterans through education and practical resources; and 3) we can offer insights to the medical team that is supporting an individual, to help them understand the unique facets of a veteran's life experience and how those may play out at the end. Qwynn and I dive into these questions and more, but at the heart of this conversation is the question: What would it look like to truly honor veterans as they come to the end of their lives? Facebook.com/qwynn.galloway

This week I have a conversation with none other than an old family friend. And while I love talking to the experts out there, there’s something just kinda basic about about chatting with a friend who’s “been through it” with his parents and in-laws. What are the lessons he gleaned? What went well in their family situation? What are the pitfalls he has seen, personally and through his work? We talk about both the personal and the big picture of eldercare — how do we approach this stage, why is it so complicated, what do families need to know, and how can they prepare themselves for the later stages of people’s lives?