Best Life Best Death

This podcast is personal, and I thank Barbara Karnes for her candid sharing of what the first year has been like after the death of her long-time husband, Jack. She reflects on her experience of caregiving and talks openly about what she has learned through this year of grieving. What I see is that Barbara lives her truth: “Because I work in the end of life, I’ve learned this: do and say what you want to do and say today. Because you never know what tomorrow’s going to bring.” www.bkbooks.com

Resilient grief, complicated grief, anticipatory grief, disenfranchised grief. These are terms you may or may not be familiar with, but trust me, learning about them will help you and help you understand your friends and family in times of loss and grief. – Which, by the way, is pretty much going on all the time, hand-in-hand with joy and expansion. This human life is filled with grief. Let’s learn from an expert, steeped in her own experience plus backed by research, author of Always a Sibling: The Forgotten Mourner’s Guide to Grief , Annie Sklaver Orenstein.

When Annie Sklaver Orenstein’s brother died, she looked for books that would help her to understand her experience as a surviving sibling. While she encountered a fair number of books about grief, she found nothing that began to touch on her experience – so she set out to write the book she needed. Part personal story, part interviews and surveys  with hundreds of siblings, and part a collection of important material on trauma, grief and families, this book rocked my world and my understanding of the importance of siblings and grief. www.instagram.com/anniesklaverorenstein

It's all well and good that I keep saying “You should really have conversations about death and dying….” Yet you might be thinking, “What the heck! This is too hard! How am I supposed to even start that conversation?! Please give me some suggestions that can help.” In this episode, I’ll do just that, laying out some ways to think about how to approach this, and even offering up some specific sentence starters you can use, thanks to the treasure trove of ideas shared by The Conversation Project and other resources. (Love a slide presentation? Then watch this one on Youtube for a bonus!)

Tarron Estes is no stranger to death. Raised by a mother who sat vigil with the dying, Tarron understood from a young age the power and possibility of liminal spaces. With her mother now 94 years old and living with dementia, Tarron and her siblings grapple with mom's dementia and the complexities of the family system. How do these dynamics affect all involved? What are some resources that offer support? A vulnerable, personal story. https://www.consciousdyinginstitute.com/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/tarron-estes-5975248/ https://www.facebook.com/ConsciousDyingInstitute/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1uG_nnfe1c_EtV_dsJ4sUw https://www.instagram.com/consciousdyinginstitute/

Gabby Jimenez – hospice nurse, doula and social media content creator extraordinaire – explores these questions with me. What do the dying take with them? How do we understand and explore regrets? Why so much guilt? What do grievers take away from the experience of losing their loved ones? Eventually, everyone dies – how can we improve this universal experience in simple yet powerful ways, for all those involved?

Gabby changed everything up mid-life after taking care of a friend who was dying. She realized that she wanted to make a difference in people’s lives by becoming a hospice nurse and doula, and learning and sharing all she could about death and dying. Having witnessed and supported more than 2,000 people as they die, Gabby brings true “bedside knowledge” to her presentations, books and this conversation. Want to hear a warm-hearted hospice nurse talk about what truly matters? This is it. www.thehospiceheart.net https://www.instagram.com/gabrielle.elise.jimenez/ https://www.facebook.com/thehospiceheart.net

When you are in that terribly complicated time of making medical decisions around advanced cancer, what framework can you turn to? Oncologists are called upon to treat and offer options; patients hope to gain time if not be cured. What are the choices and the impact of those choices for advanced solid tumor cancers? What if I told you that two doctors have gathered the data to find out whether certain treatments extend life or not. Would you listen to that conversation to find out more? I would!

This conversation is one of those that is personal and universal. What do you do when your partner dies unexpectedly? What Kim did was delve into that experience and, over time, lean in to help others as they are hit by loss and grief. As she says, “I can be an upbeat, energetic person, and I’ve had this big loss. The content that I’m talking about is grief, and yet I’m enthusiastic about it, so that might feel weird to people. But I want to be of service and I want this horrible pain to be of use to someone.” Kim talks about her experience and her work, touching on many aspects of grief and loss. ⁠https://www.pocketgrief.com/⁠ ⁠https://www.facebook.com/PocketGriefHelps⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/pocketgrief/

After her husband of 19 years died suddenly of Leukemia at the age of 48, Kim Shute experienced first-hand that the death of a young partner “stopped people in their tracks.” Friends and family showed up as best everyone could, but it launched Kim on an unexpected path into working in the field of grief, through leading groups, presenting in her community, and creating a series of Pocket Grief books. One of those booklets, Hints for Grieflings, notes, “Grief is how you see life after loss, like putting on a new pair of glasses.” https://www.pocketgrief.com/ https://www.facebook.com/PocketGriefHelps https://www.instagram.com/pocketgrief/