Therapist Uncensored Podcast

We are very excited to resurface this episode this week as it is one of our most popular, and it is rich with great content. Follow along as Sue takes a deep dive with Dr. Daniel Brown into complex traumas, the myths behind false memories, and the 3 essential ingredients of effective treatment for many clinical issues. Dr. Brown has been an expert witness in over 200 child sexual abuse cases, and is also known for his work at the International War Crimes Tribunal for his role in developing a standard of evidence for victims of war atrocities. Learn more about how treatment from an attachment perspective can lead to significant and long-term healing. Daniel Brown, Ph.D. is Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School and has served on the faculty for over 38 years. As a senior meditation master, he’s trained and taught with top Indo-Tibetan Bon & Buddhist lamas for over 48 years, including lineage holders of some of the great schools of Buddhism. He is an author of 24 books, and winner of the several awards from the American Psychiatric Association and the American Academy of Psychiatry & Law for outstanding contribution to forensic psychiatry. As a legal expert witness, Dr Brown has testified in over 200 child abuse cases and served as an expert witness for the prosecutors at the International War Crimes Tribunal helping them establish a standard of evidence for victims of war atrocities. Dr. Brown co-developed The Attachment Project based on the foundations of his and Dr. Elliott’s award-winning book Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair. Together they developed the Three Pillars treatment method that has garnered praise across the scientific and medical community, and he is a recipient of the 2018 Pierre Janet Writing Award. Check out our original show notes for this episode, here! And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn! Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

In this engaging discussion, Nancy McWilliams, a distinguished psychoanalyst, shares her insights on the transformative power of depth-oriented therapies. She critiques the limitations of evidence-based models and illuminates the importance of understanding trauma and memory in therapy. McWilliams emphasizes the crucial role of trust in the therapeutic relationship, advocating for long-term connections over quick fixes. Her reflections on navigating emotional complexities in therapy provide valuable guidance for practitioners seeking to foster genuine healing.

What makes the ins and outs of sexuality so hard to talk about? We’re diving into it in this replay episode, so get ready. We’re talking about all things sex and overcoming the fears of communicating about it. It turns out if couples do talk about sex, the conversation often only covers the frequency, instead of the other important aspects like pleasure (or the lack thereof), fantasies (or the lack thereof), desires (or the lack thereof),thoughts and feelings towards intimacy, and even the basic mechanics as well. Learn more about how to have these understandably anxiety-inducing conversations, and overcome the difficulties of opening up to yourself and your sexual partner with Dr. Ann Kelley, and Dr. Susan Ansorage. Dr. Susan Ansorge is a practicing psychologist in Austin, TX. Her interest, training and experience in working with sexual issues began during her tenure as a staff psychologist at the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center, and has continued through her 17 years of private practice with individuals and couples. Dr. Ansorge was also member of the Austin Women’s Psychotherapy Project, bringing leaders in the field of gender-aware Psychotherapy to the Austin area, as well as presenting locally and nationally on topics in the areas of gender and sexuality as they relate to psychotherapy. Her written work has appeared in the National Center for PTSD Quarterly. Check out our original show notes for this episode, here! And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn! Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

Shame – a feeling we are all fortunately and unfortunately – familiar with. In this replay episode, Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott sit down with Dr. Stephen Finn and take a deeper dive into the scientific research and biology of this emotion to better understand how such a tough feeling can be both toxic and healthy in life. Check out our original show notes for this episode, here! And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn! Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

With everything going on in the world, we thought there was no better time than now to share this replay episode on what can be considered a tough topic. A sad truth is that most of us have not experienced examples of healthy boundary setting, and we have to spend parts of our adult lives learning how to improve this skill. Like any muscle, strong boundary-setting skills are developed instead of innate. If this idea resonates with you – you are going to love this episode featuring the founder of IPNB Psychotherapy of Austin, Dr. Juliane Taylor Shore. Buckle up for a thorough discussion on interpersonal neurobiology and how it relates to boundaries. Enjoy! Check out our original show notes for this episode, here! And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn! Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

Parenthood can be a real challenge, and with the combination of the pandemic and related shutdowns, balancing daily life and an emotionally and behaviorally challenged child can be quite overwhelming, to say the least. If this feeling resonates with you, we chose this replay episode with you in mind – hoping to offer some support and guidance through these tougher times. In this replay, we will cover areas where many parents go wrong, and what can be done instead by shifting our strategies and improving our households. Learn more about the Nurtured Heart Approach with Dr. Ann Kelley and expert guest, Dr. Elizabeth Sylvester. Check out our original show notes for this episode, here! And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn! Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

As we continue this grueling journey through this seemingly never-ending pandemic – it is no surprise when parents share feelings of being overwhelmed, frustrated, and just simply exhausted. Have no fear, we are bringing you this replay episode just in time to offer you some extra support as we all navigate these challenges. We had the privilege of speaking with the father of interpersonal neurobiology, Dan Siegel, and his colleague and our friend, Tina Payne-Bryson. Check out this throwback episode from 2020 – the content is still rich with information and relevance today. Enjoy! Check out our original show notes for this episode, here! And follow us on our social media pages to get the latest updates and information: Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn! Like what you’re hearing? A great way to help others find these resources is to rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. This is an easy and effective way for those seeking assistance to be able to find it. Thank you so much for your support.

Ann and Sue’s reflections on the past 5 seasons with the theme of Growing Security In today’s episode, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley conclude their fifth season, and it’s all because of our listeners and audience that we’ve been able to maintain our Apple Top 10 Social Science (independently produced!) podcast.  We’ve had many brilliant people on for interviews, and today we’re going to talk about some of the highlights of these episodes since it’s unlikely that you may have heard all 150 episodes. We’re doing this podcast because we’re excited about it, we’re passionate about it, and we are creating this content for ANYONE to help you grow security in your life. It’s a GLBTQI+ inclusive, female-led, independently produced show that will always be FREE to everyone (not on paid platforms), and we will try our best to remain AD-FREE thanks to our patrons.  The general theme is all about deepening security in yourself and your close relationships. Use the search button on our website to find topics you enjoy. We are working to lift under-represented voices so if you have a recommendation for a guest we may not know about, send us a note. We continue to value sharing the privilege of the mic.  As July is BIPOC Mental Health month (see below for resources and detail), we highlight several episodes on Hip Hop, community-based treatment and the story of resilience shared by Alphaso Appleton from Liberia. Looking Back on 150 Episodes to help you grow security in your relationships: TU133: Holding Your Own 1: Messy but Secure Relating On the Holding Your Own series, most frequent comment was an appreciation of basic humility in discussing mental health. Many of you think it’s refreshing that the podcast is about content not about personalities. TU 149: Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum – An Integrated Model of Change TU130 – The Deep Biology of Love – Oxytocin Unpacked, with Research Pioneer Dr. Sue Carter The fact that Dr. Sue Carter launched the study of oxytocin makes ME happier! TU93: Polyvagal Theory in Action – The Practice of Body Regulation With Dr. Stephen Porges TU110: Story Follows State – Investigating Polyvagal Theory with Guest Deb Dana TU117: Resilience Trauma and the Brain W/ Guest Bruce Perry MD, PhD TU106: What Actually Heals in Therapy with Psychoanalyst Nancy McWilliams The difficult person we struggle with may be evoking the parts of ourselves that we hate.  It could be a disowned part that we have shame about, and we’re seeing a mirror. TU141: How We Become the Person’s We Are with Dr. Alan Sroufe, Attachment Through the Lifespan TU56: How We Come to Define Ourselves – Attachment Research Over Decades with Guest Alan Sroufe He talked about getting to know who we are, and our own authentic self. He’s a preminent attachment researcher in the field. TU89: Neurofluency – with Dr. Lou Cozolino, Applied Neuroscience Made Understandable One of the things Lou said that stuck with me was “You have to get in touch with your own flexibility, and tolerate the anxiety of your own ignorance.” TU145: Class, Race, Culture and Attachment, Re-examined It’s about being a good learner TU51: Conquer Shame by Understanding the Science Behind the Feeling, with Guest Expert Dr. Steve Finn TU81: How Good Boundaries Actually Bring Us Closer, with Guest Juliane Taylor Shore She talks about the Jello Wall, between you and something else to help think.. is this about me? TU63: Living with Cancer – The Six Principles of Emotional Healing with Guest Kelly Inselmann TU64: Mindfulness Meditation with Yoga Therapist Kelly Inselmann, Bonus Episode TU42: Sexual Vitality, Refreshing our Understanding of Sexual Health with Doug-Braun Harvey (Part 1 of 2) TU43: Sexual Vitality – Six Principles of Sexual Health with Doug Braun-Harvey (Part 2 of 2) Reframing “losing your virginity” to acknowledging your “sexual awakening”. TU69: Exploring Intersecting Genders – What We Can All Learn with Guest Li Brookens We are proud to be LGBTQ+ welcoming in all of our content.  The intersecting gender episode w Li Brookens was really impactful (we wonder if it remains fresh and up to date re: language though since it’s a few years old). TU139: Boys and Sex, Modern Young Men and Sexuality with Peggy Orenstein TU128 – Helping the Intense Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach TU38: The Blended Family – How to Create Strong and Lasting Step-Family Relationships This is a resoruce for anyone dealing with blended families to avoid high conflict through stress. Each position deserves a ton of compassion – the biological parent, the step-parent and the child. TU23: Building Grit Through Self Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff TU125: Dan Siegel and Tina Payne-Bryson on Presence in Times of Stress TU27: Raising Secure Children With Guest Tina Payne Bryson TU62: The Luv Doc – Dating and Relationship Advice from the Trenches with Dan Hardick One of the pieces of advice that was powerful on ideal love was to look at your list of who you want. Could YOU live up to that list? Look at your own date-ablility, add some humility and hope and work from there. TU120: Finding Security and Healing Attachment with Dr. David Elliott TU34: Treating Attachment Difficulties with Dr. David Elliott We have forged a wonderful friendship and writing relationship with David Elliott. Highly recommend 34 and 120, in 120 he demonstrates the Ideal Parent Figure Protocol. TU 87: Treating Complex Trauma and Attachment with Guest Dr. Daniel Brown TU03: Different Sex Drives – Are We Screwed? One of the big hints for this one is that when you have two people with different drives, acknowledge the loss to the other person. Example, “I know you would rather be having more adventurous sex and that part so far hasn’t working out for us. It must be hard for you, and it means a lot to me that you are setting those desires aside while I work out what I am comfortable with.”  Dose those acknowledgements generously and it’ll save you a few years in therapy. TU85: Attachment in the Classroom with Guest Linno Rhodes TU119: For the Love of Men, Rethinking Masculinity with Liz Plank It’s important to talk to men about overturing the patriarchy. It’s not a gender war, it is a war between those who are wedded to a power-over heirachal system and those who are fighting for mutuality, raising voices of the under-represented and having freedom in individual expression. TU12: If It’s Not Good For You; It’s Not Good for Us – Interview With Relationship Expert Stan Tatkin TU121: Redefining the Purpose of Relationships During Quarantine with Stan Tatkin TU07: What is Group Therapy and 5 Reasons You Should Try It Group Therapy is one of the most powerful things you can do. TU22: Love Letter To Group Psychotherapy TU17: The Biology of Motivation and Habits – Why We Drop the Ball We’re not weak, humans just don’t really have a lot of willpower. It comes down to the fact that if you entertain eating the marshmellow, if you hold an internal  debate about it, you will likely give in. It’s about fatigue. TU91: Curiosity – One of the Most Powerful Tools For Connection TU124 – Hip Hop as Therapy: Beat Making, Lyrics & Community Empowerment I was super anxious to offend, but it was deeply important and I loved it because I grew so much. TU127 Grandma Heals: Community-Based Mental Health Care from Zimbabwe with Dr. Ruth Verhey It was a great way to highlight community based care that is highly effective treatment. You can find a whole category with Narcissism. Discussing Race, Class & Privilege Episodes: 20, 109,123, 124, 127 & 145.   Next Season Highlights: We’re exploring a series called “Therapy Vitamins” ie. super short snippets with no fluff at all to give you healthy little secure relating snacks, nutrients for you, your life, your relationships. We’re excited for our upcoming episode with Carol George, originator of several attachment instruments including the Adult Attachment Projective. You will LOVE this discussion on adult attachment, so stay tuned. Over the break, we are focusing on our online community group of Patreon neuronerds and finishing this dang book we are working on! However we will continue to publish some must-not-miss or worth-hearing-again episodes as replays! Don’t forget to join our Facebook Group, if you’d like to continue this conversation with other people! As a reminder, July is Bebe Moore Campbell National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month, also known as BIPOC Mental Health Month. Formally recognized in June 2008 (and still currently recognized today), Bebe Moore Campbell National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month was created to bring awareness to the unique struggles that underrepresented groups face with regard to mental illness in the U.S.  Bebe Moore Campbell was an American author, journalist, teacher, and mental health advocate who worked tirelessly to shed light on the mental health needs of the Black community and other underrepresented communities.  To continue the visionary work of Bebe Moore Campbell, each year Mental Health America (MHA) develops a public education campaign dedicated to addressing the mental health needs of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC). Resources for BIPOC Mental Health Month: https://mhanational.org/sites/default/files/BIPOC-MHM-Toolkit-2021_Final_03_0.pdf https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2020/06/a-reading-list-on-issues-of-race/ https://www.magellanhealthcare.com/documents/2021/06/mental-health-resources-for-bipoc-and-lgbtq-communities.pdf/   You are invited to join our private online community through Patreon. It offers extra content and access, including reading groups…  Super cool – it also helps us keep the podcast running ad-free! We’d love to meet you there. Enjoy this episode? Please share, or rate/review – a powerful way to help us expand our reach. Tweet this!

Attachment today In today’s episode, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley provide an overview of the Modern Attachment – Regulation Spectrum – a model developed to integrate the varied attachment research, relational neuroscience, and the impact of culture & context. In this episode, they discuss what they call BAMA and the 3 R’s, which will come out in more detail in a book they’ve been working on for, well, quite awhile – so they just tell you the ideas here. 🙂  They also dig into attachment theory, internal working models, and states of being versus personality structure as they relay some of what they’ve learned in the past 5 seasons. It’s a packed episode to summarize some of the 5 years this podcast has been produced.  Note: This podcast is a labor of love, and our patrons keep us free of corporate ads – thank you. We don’t sell anything except this course below on the attachment spectrum, which we created due to many requests. We aren’t here for a profit, just to keep up with production costs so if you can’t afford it, just contact us and tell us what you can pay.  We want everyone to have access that wants it. And, we need to support production of the show, so thanks for any support, shares, reviews or what we’d really love – to also join as a patron. Attachment Spectrum Course Ok, Sue and Ann developed this a while back and need to update it. However, it is power-packed course that goes into much more detail than they could on the podcast – it’s 4 hours! long. If you want to dive deeper into this topic, sign up by clicking below, and use OURCLAN as a discount promo code. For therapist, 3 CE hours are available. https://therapistuncensored.com/courses/its-not-me-its-my-amygdala/ You can’t change your unconcious internal models unless you recognize them. BAMA – Biology, Attachment, Maps, & Adult Attachment BAMA refers to the developmental unfolding of what has been called attachment.  This represents the developmental unfolding of what eventually we call adult attachment. Biology – we have a nervous nervous system that requires an older, wiser nervous system to help us feel safe. Polyvagal theory, affective co-regulation, mirror neurons and the 7 circuits of emotion are all online from birth, adjusting and responding to our environment.  Attachment- the first A refers specifically to infant attachment research. Think John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth – or pre-dating them think of Konrad Lorenz and his geese, and Hary Harlow and his monkeys with their wire mothers which demonstrated we need more than milk, or food, to survive.  We need a relationship.  The Strange Situation was an original research instrument that validated Bowbly’s ideas and recognized the categories they later termed as Insecure-Avoidant, Secure, Insecure-Preoccupied and Disorganized Attachment.  Maps are formed when patterns are established based on repeated experiences of the child’s biological drive for emotional safety.   Neural wiring forms to effectively create safety from 6 months to 3 years, and behavioral strategies develop from this basic biology to keep the caregiver close and available. The key here is “available” – some parents are fine being close but should their infant appear distressed or upset with them, they defend, avoid and reject the “needy” baby.  That, my friends, makes them emotionally unavailable, so the toddler learns quickly what to do and what not to do to keep the caregiver open and responsive.  In this case that may mean repressing expressing negative emotions, pushing away needs, and doubling down on the value of self-reliance.  This reduces the unconscious threat in the parent, thus keeping them as available as the toddler can make them. Notice though the whole drive is to create as much closeness as possible, and the internal working model, or map, helps navigate the way. These maps, also called internal working models, are the key to change.  They set us on a trajectory of development that becomes self-reinforcing – if I see the world as unsafe I behave accordingly and thus make the world less safe which confirms my original hypothesis.  Or, I see the world as just fine but myself as unlovable and undeserving, thus I look for evidence supporting this worldview and unconsciously co-create the very experience I most fear. Rejection and abandonment closely follow because while we think we are seeking closeness, our grabbing and not allowing ourselves to be soothed actually causes us to eventually be rejected, the exact thing we unconsciously predict is going to happen anyway.  Adult Attachment, Finally the last A in BAMA. This represents us, now.  We are all grown up on one hand, but we carry forward our shaped nervous system, behavioral strategies, and unconscious maps to navigate the relational world. We love, fight, bond, mate, and parent from the trajectory of the BAM in BAMA – Biology, Attachment and then Maps, or attachment representations.   You need to go through the “Oh God” to get to the realization. The 3 R’s of healing attachment  This is one of many versions of the overall path to healing and recovery.  It names stages but doesn’t identify specifically how to’s just yet.  Instead, this is the basic scaffolding that is recognized in many models including Fonagy, Elliott & Brown, Siegel, and addiction research – pre-contemplation, contemplation, and change.   Recognize – you can’t even begin to relate securely until you value current and historically emotional relating.  If the problem is just your partner, you haven’t begun the journey. Get curious, reflect – we notoriously over-index on the other being a problem and under-index on how difficult we are and how distorted and self-serving our perceptions can be.  Once we begin to recognize that our early experience may be shaping how we relate today, then we can get started.  Recognition is global – in general, do you find value in being curious and reflective about human connection?  It is also individualistic – can you get curious about how you affect others. How other’s reactions play into the next response.  How you recoil at someone crying… what’s THAT about?  Or how you have trouble noticing what she’s done for you and only mark how she’s missed you.  Once we can begin to value this exploration and begin to see that there are larger forces at play than our small left-brain conscious rational minds… only then can we proceed to incorporate the second R.  Re-examine – now that we are on to ourselves, not always trusting other’s perceptions over our own, or realizing we don’t trust anyone but ourselves, then we have hope for change. Rewire – This is not a metaphor, you can literally use your new thinking to change your experience.  You can update your mind, which changes your brain, which then changes your relational experience and perception.  What’s something that you know isn’t true, is inhereted from your history, but you can’t quite let it go? More importantly, what is true that you want to replace it with? OK, let’s get busy doing just that!   In this episode: Discussing the overall podcast, tying everything together. The Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum Explaining the 3 Rs. Explaining BAMA Understanding how attachment has evolved. Why a continuum Internal working models The various color stages for the internal working model of attachment. (Blue, Red, Green, Yellow) Tye-Dye, a mention of unregulated stress, and why we need to organize.   Don’t forget to join our Facebook Group, if you’d like to continue this conversation with other people! Want more on modern attachment?  Not sure you need it if you heard this episode but here are other one’s like it! https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu126-modern-attachment/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu79-attachment-spectrum-and-the-nervous-system-quick-review-with-updates/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu145-class-race-culture-and-attachment-re-examined/ Pre-orders are officially available!  Get it now to join in the fun when it arrives April, 2024.       Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our primary partner at this time – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

Exploring Emotionally Focused Therapy and Attachment Theory, the podcast delves into healing relationships by understanding emotional activation, attachment dynamics, and breaking negative patterns. It emphasizes creating safety, fostering connections, and utilizing EFT to enhance therapeutic approaches for couples and families.