Therapist Uncensored Podcast

When does self-consciousness and self-reflection cross the line into self-preoccupation? Covert narcissism is also called thin-skinned, vulnerale, depressed or closet narcissism. It's a real thing but unlike grandiosity, it's quite hard to spot!  Think about it - if you feel when you walk in a room everyone is looking at you - admiringly or judgmentally, either way - that is a narcissistic fantasy. Today's episode follows the other side of grandiosity. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities - staying secure in relationship with those high in narcissistic, borderline or anti-social traits. Session 2 - Staying secure in connection with one kind of narcissism:  grandiose narcissism Co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott have launched a new series titled “Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities.” Together, they’ll unpack how to navigate strained relationships during and after this pandemic. The goal of this series is to bring you the skills and practices that you can use right now to get to secure relating and if not that, helping you ground and stay in your secure self no matter what is swirling around you. If you want to start at the beginning, listen to the first in the series:  TU132 HYO Session 1:  Messy But Secure Relating Grandiose Narcissism Today's episode breaks down one of 3 types of narcissism, and later in the series they will address the other kinds. There’s always a judgement, even if the verdict is positive, there is an evaluation happening.  Difference between self-aggrandizing moment and more problematic self-oriented relating - one is environmentally influenced, the other is just the way it is, always. You value people for what they can do for you, it's a transaction noi a real relationship. Trouble with: Apologies Gratitude Greek version of the myth: Narcissus, was the son of River God Cephisus and nymph Lyriope. He was known for his beauty and he was loved by God Apollo due to his extraordinary physique. Narcissus was once walking by a lake or river and decided to drink some water; he saw his reflection in the water and was surprised by the beauty he saw; he became entranced by the reflection of himself. He could not obtain the object of his desire though, and he died at the banks of the river or lake from his sorrow. According to the myth Narcissus is still admiring himself in the Underworld, looking at the waters of the Styx. Narcissistic Extension This is when we have learned to support the other person’s ego by giving them what we know that they want. As kids we get highly skilled at reading a scene, knowing the unspoken and responding as wished. This is part of what causes the injury to the self, because in the midst of all that, where the heck are You? If a child turns to their own needs and that parent feels that as a Break and is activated by it, it’s suddenly unsafe to tune in to their disapproval or distance. So we’d rather give ourselves up than lose our connection. Defenses in Grandiose Narcissism Idealization and devaluation - to be close you tend to be in one of these spots, and they can flip really fast.  It's an outward expression of assumptions they may be making about themselves and their own value. Shame core but not conscious. Narcissistic supply - people are used to fill you up but then are expendable. They may report high self-esteem and low neuroticism because they don't carry a lot of conscious internal conflict. The conflict - if any - is interpersonal which is WHY IT'S IMPORTANT TO HOLD ON TO YOUR SECURE SELF. Holding on to Secure Self Take a deep breath, and whatever you do... Don't project relationality into someone non-relational, it's bad for both. See them as they actually are, and that can be painful.  It's courageous though, and the beginning of taking your evaluation of what you are getting from this person and what you need. Don't put up with demeaning, devaluing or abusing you. Standing up to them can be dangerous in various ways, but for now we will focus on relational / emotional danger.  There is a feeling of threat to differentiate, and you might get cut off, but having a Self is the only way to move it into a more secure relational dynamic.  Otherwise they have no incentive to change because internally they see themselves doing pretty dang good.  Disabuse them of this delusion. Hold you, also hold them, and stay strong.

First in a series Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities - this episode unpacks the 5 types of conflict in couples, conditions to develop security and cornerstones of what makes secure functioning couples secure. This sets up our later episodes on the various types of narcissism, misunderstood borderline relating, antisocial and malignant narcissism, unconscious defenses for everyone involved, suspected causes of high reactivity or impaired empathy, and a focus all along on what you can do to improve your circumstances - whatever that means for you.

Together we can protect our hearts from freezing in bitterness, drowning in sorrow, lashing out in justified rage or worse, disconnecting.  Fight the exhaustion that comes with the relentless crises surrounding us now.

People are profoundly bad at predicting their own attachment status, and if you are trying to do that you are headed in the right direction.  :)  That sort of mindful inquiry is part of attachment security - learn more in today's episode. Bethany Saltman and Sue Marriott discuss the Strange Situation, the original attachment research by Mary Ainsworth. They bring to life what it means and how to see it in everyday life.

Love is not a soft feeling, it is "deep biology."  Oxytocin research pioneer Dr. Sue Carter joins co-host Sue Marriott to unravel the mystery of Sue's favorite neuropeptide.  You may have heard of oxytocin in the popular press, it's often called that "love drug." You'll hear that t's story is a bit more complicated than just that, as it also helps us protect and defend from intruders, and heals our body physically. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

What if you could get the benefits of therapeutic psychedelics without ingesting any drugs?!  Trey Ratcliff's new art creations, Machine Elves, may just have such an answer with non-drug, mind-expanding experiences that can help us heal. In this concluding episode of Season 4, co-host Sue Marriott is joined by photographer, artist and consciousnesses-raiser Trey Ratcliff.  They dive right into the exotic world of mind-enhancing experiences.  This includes both psychedelics but also non-drug experiences that can bring the promising results that are emerging from carefully studied psychedelic research.

Children with high emotional intensity or behavioral struggles can overwhelm any parent or system. In this episode, we’ll go over where many parents go wrong, what we can do instead, and how shifts in our strategies can revolutionize our households.

The Friendship Bench -discover the 3-step community-based program that is has proven to be an effective non-traditional model of mental health care delivery. In this episode, researcher and program director Dr. Ruth Verhey joins co-host Sue Marriott to discuss this community-based intervention, the Friendship Bench.  Together they explore the benefits and barriers to building a community-driven and cooperative approach to mental health.  By looking at what makes it effective, we can begin to explore what makes therapy effective in general and learn from the need to strip away the "extra" that may not add value to mental healthcare.

The podcast discusses the development and evolution of attachment theory, the impact of a caregiver's emotional experiences on parenting, challenges of transitioning to virtual therapy, and the concept of modern attachment and the attachment regulation spectrum.