This week we’re talking about marital finances, divorce, and how gaining clarity around your finances can help inform your decision about whether you should stay or go. Karen Chellew and Catherine Shanahan, founders of My Divorce Solution, join me to share some of the processes they utilize when working with clients to help them protect and secure their financial future in divorce.Karen and Catherine combine their legal and financial expertise to provide unparalleled financial clarity and divorce preparation – resulting in easier, faster, and less expensive divorces. Our hope is that through listening to this conversation you will have more power, more knowledge, and clarity about finances and divorce. “Everybody is entitled to financial clarity.” Catherine Shanahan“If you decide to stay after working through your marital finances, you will be a different partner going forward.” Karen ChellewShow Highlights My Divorce Solution: what it is and why Karen and Catherine created it (3:51) What to say if you are trying to get financial information from a bank or accountant who is refusing to give it without your soon-to-be-ex’s consent (10:06) Do you need a CFDA or resource such as My Divorce Solution if your finances are not high-net-worth? The short answer: Yes. (20:37) How working with a financial advisor or analyst can help inform your decision about whether or not you should get a divorce (27:31) If you are working with a financial analyst, you are not committing to a divorce. You are learning What can be the most difficult thing about working through your marital finances? (36:00) An important reminder to women about finances and worth: you are worth it! (43:30) Learn more about Karen Chellew and Catherine Shanahan:Karen Chellew, Legal Liaison: For over 30 years, Karen has worked in the legal field as a paralegal and business manager. During her career, she served as an affiliated member of the Pennsylvania Bar Association and as President-Elect of the ALA (Association of Legal Administrators). Karen now serves clients and the professional team in her role as legal liaison. She is also a certified QDRO Administrator, Founder and President of Sisters U Foundation, and an Auditor of East Rockhill Township. As the mom of three children and two granddaughters, Karen is extremely passionate about helping women in all that she does. Catherine Shanahan, CDFA: After 25 years in the financial industry, having raised five children and endured her own experience with divorce, Catherine became a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) and trained mediator. A Professional Daily Money Manager (PDMM), Catherine is also a member of the Bucks County Collaborative Law Group, American Association of Daily Money Managers (AADMM) the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts, and the Association of Divorce Financial Planners (ADFP).  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, I have a solo episode for you! I am talking about community, specifically why it is important for women to be in a community with one another. My Facebook group has grown to over 10,000 members and on any given day you can see the magic that happens when women support one another. When you are surrounded by other women in similar situations it opens up space to share our experiences, struggles and wins. Ultimately, when women join together in a community we begin to own our collective power.In this episode I talk about:  The impact women in community have on men The work of victims is to get to a place of feeling strong enough and empowered enough to be able to walk away Our true power lies in our connection to other women Resources & Links:Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/solo-episode-the-power-of-community-grit-and-grace Get on the list to be notified about Grit & Grace! Why Women Need a Tribe, by Tanja Taljaard and Azriel Re'Shel Mothering Heights with Leonora Pitts Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits - to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life, with Gretchen RubinTHE M3ND PROJECTThe M3ND Project’s mission is to bring clarity and validation to victims and survivors and to provide tools and resources for those who are responding to abuse.Annette Oltmans founded The M3ND Project coming out of her own experience as a survivor of emotional abuse and double abuse and after years of researching academic materials and personally interviewing hundreds of abuse survivors, therapists, and faith leaders. M3ND does this by providing various educational resources and training courses.The M3ND Project has three courses available: One for Victims and Survivors, One for Responders and Advocates, and The 3rd for Therapists seeking CEUs.The M3ND Project’s Comprehensive Training Curriculum provides deep instruction on psychological abuse, double abuse, complex trauma, how to identify your own trauma and whether you are being abused, and the best protocols for responding to victims and those who cause harm.For course details and to register visit: https://kateanthony.com/mendJOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Heidi Brocke joins me for a discussion about toxic relationships and healing from them. Heidi is a toxic relationship awareness and healing specialist. After 14 years in an extremely emotionally and narcissistically abusive relationship, she broke the chains and turned her past into her passion. Today it is her mission to provide hope, healing, and freedom to those whose lives have been affected by toxic relationships, emotional abuse, and narcissistic behaviors. Show Highlights Heidi shares what she would say to women afraid to leave a partner for fear of alienation from their children (10:20) When we stay “for our kids,” we think we are mitigating toxic behavior but in reality, we are condoning it (12:14) What the word toxic means in toxic relationships (15:42) The importance of shifting the focus on the diagnosis of your partner to focusing on you and what feels good or right for you (29:40) The only thing consistent about a toxic person is that they are inconsistent (34:40) Learn more about Dr. Heidi Brocke:Dr. Heidi Brocke is a Toxic Relationship Awareness & Healing Specialist. After spending 14 years in an extremely emotionally and narcissistically abusive relationship she broke the chains and turned her past into her passion; She left her 24 years career in healthcare to use her life experience and education to be the person she needed when she herself was trapped in the darkness of an unhealthy relationship to provide hope, healing, and freedom to those whose lives have been affected by toxic relationships, emotional abuse, and narcissistic behaviors. Through education, she presents the understanding needed to empower others to walk through fear and into their freedom. Today she has helped hundreds rid and heal their toxic relationships and hosts the popular podcast, It’s not Normal, It’s Toxic-rid your life of toxic people - with over a million listens worldwide. She’s an international keynote speaker, recipient of Empowering Women in Business of The Year award by Inspiring Lives Magazine, and has been featured in both Forbes and Time Magazines for the dedication given to her clients and for her work in the toxic relationship area. Resources & Links:Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/from-toxic-to-free-with-heidi-brocke/Heidi’s websiteHeidi on Facebook Heidi on LinkedIn Heidi on Instagram Heidi’s Freedom Me Course   The TPA   It’s Not Normal, It’s Toxic with Dr, Heidi Brocke The Divorce and Beyond Podcast with Susan Guthrie, Esq.TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAMAs one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.This program is 100% for you if… You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids You’re looking for answers and a roadmap You understand that divorce is a long game You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’ Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?YEAH, Y’ARE!!!JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We are talking about a complex and insidious topic this week: coercive control. Dr. Christine Cocchiola, a Coercive Control Advocate, Educator, Researcher, and Survivor, shares her incredible wisdom with us. She explains how coercive control is the foundation of most domestic abuse and is often non-physical with offenders using “power over” to abuse their victims psychologically, legally, financially, and sexually. Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola is a Board Member of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, has supported policy codifying coercive control, and has a small private practice, primarily serving victims and survivors of coercive control. She is also the creator of the Protective Parenting Program, supporting protective mothers on their journey to healing their children. Show Highlights What is coercive control? Why Depp v Heard is a case study in coercive control (3:50) When coercive controllers begin to lose control, the number one thing they seek is revenge (8:50) The global impact of high-profile cases that revolve around coercive control (13:22) DARVO: an acronym used to describe a common strategy of abusers (24:16) How coercive controllers gain and retain control - what are their patterns? (28:14) The goal of the abuser is to wear away at your autonomy (29:43) How to avoid coercive control and other abusive situations or leave an abusive relationship (44:35) The legislation and criminalization of coercive control (49:45) Learn more about Dr. Cocchiola:Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is a Coercive Control Advocate, Educator, Researcher & Survivor. Coercive Control, the foundation of most domestic abuse, is often non-physical with offenders using “power over” to abuse their victims psychologically, legally, financially, and sexually and where children are involved, use of the children as pawns. She is a college professor teaching social work at CT Community College for the last 20 years and also an adjunct instructor at NYU. Her expertise is in the areas of intimate partner violence, trauma, and child abuse, developing and presenting workshops on these topics both nationally and internationally. Christine, a Board Member of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, has supported policy codifying coercive control and has a small private practice, primarily serving victims and survivors of coercive control. She is the creator of the Protective Parenting Program, supporting protective mothers on their journey of healing their children. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week we are talking about the differences between narcissists, abusers, and sociopaths and why (or why not) those differences even matter. I received so much positive feedback when Annette Oltmans was on the show last time that I invited her back to explore this topic with me.  Annette’s personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion for founding The M3ND Project in 2016.Show Highlights What is the difference between narcissists, abusers, and sociopaths and does it matter? (6:28) Why it is important to look at the way someone makes you feel as opposed to focusing on a partner’s diagnosis or label (9:02) The maze of confusion and what it is like to be in a conversation with an abuser (13:53) All narcissists are abusers but not all abusers are narcissists (14:13) Annette shares the Pillars of Abuse (26:08) How to know when an abusive partner is truly working to change their behaviors. For one: they will have setbacks but still show longstanding evidence of change (40:00) Communication problems are not the core issue of abusive relationships (46:39) Learn more about Annette Oltmans:Annette Oltmans is a philanthropist and passionate human rights advocate. Annette’s personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion to founding The M3ND Project in 2016. While seeking the help of professionals and responders, she experienced Double Abuse® in the form of spiritual and institutional abuse. These harmful encounters compelled Annette in her relentless pursuit for solutions that involved interviews with hundreds of victims and survivors. She uncovered common threads that cause victims prolonged states of confusion as well as what ultimately led them towards healing. Her journey also involved interviews with hundreds of faith-based leaders and therapists which led her to discover that most are untrained and ill-equipped to identify and help victims of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. In working to prevent and remediate such harm, Annette developed protocoled models that are now being taught and implemented with therapists, churches and professional organizations across the United States. She consulted with esteemed experts in abuse, trauma, and healing to ensure the materials align with the highest professional standards. Annette also serves on the Board of Pepperdine University’s Boone Center for the Family and is a Board of Trustee member of Northrise University in Zambia. Her writing on these topics of abuse, domestic violence, and bullying has been published in the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), Teen Vogue, and numerous other publications. Annette is also a contributing author in the newly released book, "Created to Thrive: Cultivating Abuse-Free Safe Communities". Resources & Links: Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/abuser-narcissist-sociopath-with-annette-oltmans/Get on the list to be notified about Group Coaching!The M3nd Project WebsiteTools and Resources from The M3ND ProjectThe M3ND Project on FacebookThe M3ND Project on Instagram The M3nd Project on YouTubeThe M3nd Project on Twitter The Maze of ConfusionTODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lena Derhally is back on the show! Last time we talked about social media narcissism and other harmful effects of using social media. This time she joins me to talk about Chris Watts, who was the topic of her book My Daddy is a Hero: How Chris Watts Went from Family Man to Family Killer.  On August 13, 2018, Chris Watts murdered his pregnant wife Shanann and two young daughters. Why is this story important for all to hear and especially those listening to this podcast? It’s important because it’s a case study of narcissism and the warning signs we all might miss. In Lena’s book (and this episode) Lena pieces together the crime, the events leading up to it, and her beliefs about the “why.”Lena Derhally is a Washington DC-based licensed and Imago certified psychotherapist in private practice. She is the author of the Amazon True Crime and Criminology bestseller, My Daddy is a Hero: How Chris Watts Went from Family Man to Family Killer, and the forthcoming pop psychology book, The Facebook Narcissist: How to Identify and Protect Yourself and Your Loved Ones from Social Media Narcissism.Show Highlights What led to Chris’s confession of murdering his wife and children (5:59) Psychopaths don’t have the same empathy or attachments as others, but they can learn to mimic the emotions and experiences of others around them (15:05) How to use this story as a way to protect yourself or spot red flags (24:14) The shame and blame of victims of intimate partner violence (43:21) Once a partner starts devaluing you, it is time to question what you want/don’t want from your relationship (54:22) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Christina McGhee is back on the show! She joins me to talk about the language we use around divorce, co-parenting, and raising our children. The language we use can be damaging to our children, so this is such an important conversation to have and I hope you get a lot out of listening to it. In fact, even as a professional in this space, I have recently learned how to shift my language about divorce topics. Words matter and the way we convey our ideas do too.Christina McGhee, MSW is an internationally recognized divorce parenting expert, speaker, and author. Whether she is speaking, coaching, or writing her goal is to disrupt the status quo, and change divorce for the better by helping families redefine themselves in meaningful ways.Show Highlights The way we talk about co-parenting with children by using the term “visitation” and why it’s a terrible term to use (5:53) When parents focus on what’s “fair” for them, children internalize that their actions must be “fair” in order to make their parents feel ok (12:05) What is wrong with the word custody, how it affects children, and why parenting time is a better term to use (21:10) When we talk about equitable time-sharing arrangements, we are talking about equal responsibility, plus Christina talks about the off-duty and on-duty parenting model (26:57) Why treating time with children as a commodity (50/50, 60/40, etc.) is damaging (39:59) What is wrong with referring to your co-parent as your ex (51:53) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Allison Raskin’s book Overthinking About You is the first of its kind that talks about dating and mental health. This week, Allison joins me for a conversation about talking to a potential partner about mental health topics, why caring for your mental health when dating is important, and some tactical strategies to help you be better prepared to tackle dating and relationships with confidence.Allison is a comedian, a mental health advocate and the host of the popular "Just Between Us" podcast, and co-creator of a YouTube channel by the same name. Join us for this insightful and important conversation. Show Highlights Why talking about dating and mental health is not commonplace (and why it should be) (2:14) How to open up about mental health with a potential partner (9:45) Creating a safe space for dating and caring for your mental health (12:35) Allison stresses the importance of self-soothing techniques before you start dating (18:16) Online dating tips and strategies (40:25) Learn more about Allison Raskin:Allison Raskin has written and developed multiple TV shows and created the original scripted podcast Gossip. A vocal mental health advocate, Allison also runs the mental health-focused Instagram account @emotionalsupportlady. She knows the challenges of navigating romantic relationships with mental health issues firsthand. She was diagnosed with OCD at 4 years old and also lives with a general anxiety disorder.  Resources & Links:Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/overthinking-about-you-with-allison-raskin/Allison’s websiteAllison’s bookAllison on Instagram Emotional Support Lady on Instagram Just Between Us podcastTODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever wondered what it’s like being a child of divorced parents? This week, Bella Duncan of a Kid With Two Homes joins me to share her experience as a child of divorce. She shares her experiences of divorce, separation, and family conflict. Bella is determined to make a change for the better. She has gone between two homes since her parents divorced when she was three years old. Growing up in two homes, she experienced firsthand many of the issues children of divorce face as a young adults. I learned a lot from my conversation with Bella. She is so smart and insightful at such a young age. She is truly remarkable. Show Highlights Why Bella stresses the importance of communication skills between kids and their divorced parents (8:35) What high conflict means to a child of divorce and how it feels to be the child in the middle (12:47) “Being in the middle makes you feel like you are responsible for your parents’ conflict.” (15:52) Accepting your parents' divorce is an ongoing process and something you have to consistently work on, even as a young adult (22:47) A reminder that your child’s perspective about your divorce can be vastly different from your own (25:09) Why a child should never feel responsible or guilty about spending quality time with their parents (32:03) How parents can do better for children of divorce (39:18) Learn more about Bella Duncan:Bella is an empowered kid of divorce who is determined to make change for the better. Currently, at 23, Bella has recently completed a Bachelor of Law and a Bachelor of Psychology. Bella has gone between two homes since her parents divorced at age three. Growing up in two homes, she experienced firsthand many of the issues children of divorce face. As a young adult, she was inspired to provide a helpful resource to help kids of divorce feel seen, heard, and less alone.Resources & Links: Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/a-kid-with-two-homes-with-bella-duncan/Submit your questions for a future Q&A episode!A Kid with Two Homes Bella’s Packing Instagram video postBella on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Leanne Oaten is back on the podcast! Listeners loved her previous episode so much that I invited her back to talk about what happens after you get out of an abusive relationship. We discuss the post-separation aftermath, which many women are not prepared for. Once all the dust settles and the reality sets in, questions and emotions bubble to the surface. We explore all the complexities of what happens when you re-awaken to life after domestic abuse. Leanne is a former counselor who helps women decide whether to stay or leave their toxic, abusive, narcissistic relationship without wasting time going to therapy.Show Highlights Why women begin to question the abuse that transpired after they get out (4:11) Using apps is a good solution for co-parenting with an abusive ex (9:57) The emotional aspect of what lies on the other side once you’ve separated (14:10) How to prepare for the what happens to you emotionally and physically after leaving an abuser (19:19) Setting boundaries and understanding where to draw the line - also realize you aren’t going to do it perfectly (24:44) You can be friendly with a co-parent but you don’t have to be friends (28:37) Learn more about Leanne OatenLeanne Oaten is a former counselor with over 9 years of experience coaching and supporting clients. After working in the counseling field in private practice for several years, she decided to go virtual with her business to serve women all over the world. She educates and guides women who are experiencing narcissistic abuse to end the cycle and get clarity on whether to stay or leave.Leanne Oaten founded Awakening Women Support in 2018 to begin sharing her unique and no bullsh*t perspectives on the patterns of narcissistic abuse and posts daily over on Instagram at instagram.com/awakeningwomensupport.Resources & Links:Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/what-happens-after-you-leave-your-abusive-marriage-with-leanne-oaten/Submit your questions for a future Q&A episode!Leanne’s website How to Know Whether to Stay or Leave Your Toxic Relationship Lundy Bancroft episode Peaceful Parent AppTODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAMAs one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.This program is 100% for you if… You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids You’re looking for answers and a roadmap You understand that divorce is a long game You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’ Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?YEAH, Y’ARE!!!JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices