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Football Cliches

Latest episodes

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May 6, 2025 • 48min

Perfectly-timed crowd noise, Jacko Wilsheri & managers who qualify as "glorified PE teachers”

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker as they clock up 1,001 combined pod appearances. On the agenda: some perfectly timed crowd noise to meet a commentator's 4/10 pun, Andy Gray's influence on snooker commentary, Kevin De Bruyne giving the shortest shrift possible to a stat, Crystal Palace fans vs Eberechi Eze's penalty run-up, Trent Alexander-Arnold's Bernabeu unveiling and much more. Meanwhile, the panel decide which managers fit the criteria to be called “glorified PE teachers”. Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons Visit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Apr 30, 2025 • 1h 4min

Football's present-tense addiction & penalty shootout celebrations: The listeners' loves & hates

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations. Among the selections are gaslighting your partner with deliberately difficult football trivia, the art of skipping highlights to perfectly miss out the punditry, the modern game’s addiction to the present tense and the most "mid-game" possible celebration for scoring a penalty in a shootout. Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoy some very unexpected footballers names in international news stories, try to comprehend a shock David Seaman statistic and also announce the first Cliches Quiz Live in Leeds on June 12th. Book your place at the quiz at tickets.footballcliches.com Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons Visit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Apr 28, 2025 • 1h 3min

Accidental FIFA commentary, Newcastle's Fibonacci fate & Premier League cliche analytics

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Wembley's drum-beat woodwork, the most "mid-2000s FIFA game" commentary of the season, why Newcastle now must win 21 league titles in a row or the world will implode, the textbook FA Cup final pairing, and mapping Manchester United's doldrums era to that of Liverpool's 1990-2020. Meanwhile, the panel contemplate the Club World Cup, live on Channel 5, and absorb a listener's deep data dive on Premier League press-conference cliches. Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons Visit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Apr 23, 2025 • 47min

Pope John Gregory, Premier League clubs as supermarkets & route-one crowd noise

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: managers accidentally inviting Dave to their birthday parties, Clive Tyldesley's Substack innuendo, ex-Premier League managers’ names in popes, fascinatingly-named Malaysian referees, Chris Sutton's Sir Jim Ratcliffe impression, the most perfectly flowing EFL crowd noise of the seasonMeanwhile, the panel review a listener's "If Premier League Clubs Were Supermarkets" rundown and decide the most “hands over the head clapping the fans after a game” manager of all time.Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckonsVisit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Apr 21, 2025 • 57min

Fact-checking Paul Scholes, caretaker popes & Olivier Giroud's locker

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Mark Clattenburg's Generation Alpha breakthrough, the search continues for the origin of "pre-assist", the dubious footballing memory of Paul Scholes, the fascinating name of the Malaysia national team captain, interim popes with Premier League interim managers’ names and Richard Keys in top wind-up form over on BeIN Sports.Meanwhile, the panel decide if a 5-1 aggregate win can ever be a "thrashing" and if a supermarket can have its own "DNA".Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckonsVisit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Apr 16, 2025 • 1h 24min

The Premier League Unfinished Business XI

Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Nick Miller to pick a lineup of players destined to be subject to the gravitational pull of the Premier League to give it (at least) one more crack in the next few years.The selection process involves some written-off goalkeepers, defenders who will come crawling back from Saudi Arabia, veteran midfielders doing one more season at their hometown club after winning the World Cup for England, Harry Kane’s carefully-planned final assault on Alan Shearer’s goalscoring record, and getting one step ahead of the Darwin Nunez redemption story.Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoys some fifth-division Sunday League pyro, Premier League club names in theme park YouTubers, a novel TV approach to denoting home and away fixtures and yet more accidentally musical commentary from Conor McNamara.Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckonsVisit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Apr 15, 2025 • 56min

Prince William's punditry, TNT's "hipster gunk" and a gift from the Keys & Gray gods

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Prince William's absurdly highly-acclaimed "punditry", the Premier League club that would produce the most uneventful in-house documentary, the criteria for a team to "roar back" from a losing position, the self-proclaimed inventor of the "pre-assist" and the Cliches pod makes its TikTok debut.Meanwhile, the panel decide if a team can "return to the scene" of a momentous win at their home ground and enjoy the highlights of some gold-standard Keys & Gray output from the weekend.Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckonsVisit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Apr 9, 2025 • 43min

Ribblesdale Rovers vs The Rules, Chris Sutton vs football jargon & the exact definition of a "hoick”

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: A scandalous Sunday League saga, obscure staff members on Transfermarkt, Chris Sutton manufacturing his disapproval for modern footballing jargon, some joyful commentary that only a Niclas Fullkrug header could inspire and improvised electroacoustic albums inspired by injury-plagued former Premier League defenders.Meanwhile, the panel establish the exact practical definition of the verb “to hoick” and decide if a northern-hemisphere domestic league can be allowed to have "apertura" and "clausura" stages.Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckonsVisit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Apr 7, 2025 • 47min

The ultimate managerial indignity & everything ITV crime dramas get wrong about football

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: Kevin De Bruyne greatness fatigue, the concept of "pulling rank" at a set piece, a new low for clickbait football headlines, the indignity of a manager being sacked before they can go down with the ship, several huge problems with the football realism in an ITV detective series and Keys & Gray corner roars back into form.Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckonsVisit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Apr 2, 2025 • 1h 1min

Doing a job on Chris Wilder & goalkeepers just booting it upfield, with Bryan's Gunn

The pod welcomes the content-creating genius that is Bryan's Gunn - aka Will Powell - for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football.Among Will's selections are foreign managers picking up English footballing jargon, Chris Wilder's go-to catchprase, the near-extinct art of goalkeepers just booting the ball upfield, and unnecessary modernisation of the FA Cup draw procedure.Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel decide how many players constitutes a team "flooding forward" and enjoy some accidentally musical South American commentary.Support the Football vs Hunger campaign at​​ trussell.org.uk/trussellfcAdam's new book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: http://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckonsVisit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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