Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 The audio hug for parents of teens and tweens.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Hermes was a Greek god able to move quickly and freely between the worlds of the mortal and the divine, helped by his winged sandals. We mere mortals, on the other hand, are stuck here on Earth, and more likely to associate the word, Hermes with expensive handbags. When a listener wrote a beautiful email talking about her struggles with a young daughter who has been begging for one of these extremely expensive Hermes bags for her birthday I thought it would be a great topic for discussion. The problems our listener faces trouble so many of usthe various issues in the hope of supporting the listener and helping others along the way; after all, we're a community here to help each other.  TOPICS COVERED:Parenting stylesDesire for posessions as a way to feel includedThe  importance of valuesCelebrating our own cultureThe impact of society on our desires and choicesBOOK SUGGESTION:Hold on to Your Kids, by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor MateSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?I scan the newspapers daily to keep an eye on what's going on that might be relevant to us parents. I usually share it on my Instagram and Facebook feeds, but it's also good to sit down with another, equally interested but unpolitical, parent, to simply chat about the state of the world that our kids are growing up in. None of it is scientific, or based on deep fact, but sometimes it's nice to chew the cud and hear other parents talking freely about the issues that might affect our own parenting and kids.I'd love to hear if there are any topics that particularly interest you, or if you agree/disagre with any of our views. Email Rachel @teenagersuntangled@gmail.com and you can sign up for my newsletter on the website at www.teenagersuntangled.com.Quote:Viktor Frankl: 'When a person can't find a deep sense of pupose he distracts himself with pleasure.'Sources:https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13454193/Mel-Stride-blames-pornography-video-games-alarming-surge-jobless-young-men.html#:~:text=Mel%20Stride%20said%20that%20easy,of%20economic%20inactivity%20across%20Britain.https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/china-president-xi-high-school-pupils-military-training-gkgwmj2q7https://news.sky.com/story/which-countries-have-national-service-and-how-does-it-work-elsewhere-13143261@Mrpink on Twitterhttps://eu.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2024/03/01/muscle-dysmorphia-bigorexia-are-severe-problems-thanks-to-tiktok/72792612007/Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?We all love our kids and hope for the best, but we also worry about how well they'll navigate life once they're old enough to leave home. It's a fine balance between supporting them enough for them to feel loved, and letting them fail so that they learn the skills they need.With the reported increase in kids who 'fail to launch' I thought it might be really helpful to talk with someone who spends his days helping  young adults who're struggling.We talked about the vital importance of routine, helping them to feel positive about themselves - especially in the face of failure - what we can do to help them find their own purpose in life, and giving our kids healthy role models on which to build their own life.KEN'S TIPS:Start with the sleep/wake routine, helping them to create their own schedule.Once they have a solid routine in place, introduce three extra things:Something creativeSomething reflective Something physicalTypes of anxiety:Body-basedMind-basedTotems: something that represents a challengeTime-based Distance: Having to leave a safe space Depression: All the parts of the daily routine will help make a difference to their depression.If you would like to ask Ken any questions, or learn more about mentoring:Www.kenrabow.comSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Missing out can cause visceral pain; particularly for teenagers, but why is it so awful and can anything be done to help them with it? This episode was inspired by a parent whose daughter is at an expensive private school, but the family are finally having to accept that they can't afford it and will have to withdraw her.  We love our, kids and want the best for them, but why choose something that's a massive stretch for us? What is 'the best' and where do we get our ideas from?I would argue that FOMO is at the root of the decision to put her there, and even the daughter's request a Hermes handbag, rather than a present more suitable for a young girl.In this episode we talk about where our desires come from and why our social environment can have such an impact. We discuss why figuring out, and staying anchored to, our own values whilst getting our kids to find something that really matters to them, is at the heart of protecting us from the pain of FOMO.RESOURCES USED:https://mo-issa.medium.com/ren%C3%A9-girards-mimetic-theory-changed-the-way-i-looked-at-my-own-desires-3ed029d042bfhttps://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-fomo-4174664https://www.theteenmagazine.com/what-teens-need-to-know-about-fear-of-missing-outSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Is it a constant battle to get your teens to do the right thing? Getting them to bed on time, eating healthily, keeping their screen time to an acceptable level are all problems that come up regularly. So when a listener asked for a script to use to get her teens into bed I decided that it was worth delving into what other parents are doing right and how we can adapt their behaviour to our own households. The research has made me rethink my own life structure and the importance of routine in decluttering my life.KEY REFERENCES:Atomic Habits - James ClearPodcast with Angela Duckworth - No Stupid Questions - 186 Do You Need a Routine?App I've started using: StreaksRESOURCES USED:https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/the-importance-of-routine/https://zapier.com/blog/daily-routines/https://journals.lww.com/iycjournal/fulltext/2007/10000/Family_Routines_and_Rituals__A_Context_for.2.aspxhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6378489/SOME LISTENER RESPONSES:Melissa: I don't think I said much. Other than you sleep better if you don't do tech just before bed. I think intially the cut off was an hour before bedtime. Which gave flexibility to give them a ten minute warning etc.  Son mostly now stops tech before without prompting. Grant:  As part of screen time, there is an option to set down time on each of their devices. It works well for us. Natalie:  No phones, laptops or TVs in their rooms after 9.30pm but equally we, as parents, have to do the same. Read before bed, everyone asleep by 10.30pm latest on a school night. Not had to resort to plan B yet (WiFi turned off) as they do it.  Lead by example. Also no phones or TV at dinner and we all eat together every night. I'm a big believer in systems and routines. Less arguments as no suprises. Ashleigh We try and stick to 8pm cut off. And it helps when they have sports training they need to sleep forHollyWe have a 9pm cutoff. Phone gets plugged in in the hallway outside the roomSarah I have a cut off too. I started this when they were younger and then each year gradually increased the cut off, but they had to prove to me that they could come off their devices at the allotted time and get up for school the next day without any arguments. If they didn’t come off at the agreed time or were difficult the next morning, the agreement was that they would lose some screen time the next night by coming off earlier.I work on a “prove you can be trusted” basis with both my teens for almost everything. I rarely have trouble with them as they can see the benefits of trust e.g. they get to do more!  it’s worked wonders for my 17 year old who is having the time of her life going to loSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Nearly one in five teachers in England has been hit by a pupil this year, according to a BBC survey.But it's not just in England. Stricter school discipline is making a comeback to Australian classrooms in a bid to help teachers stamp out disruptive behaviour. France is bringing back school uniforms to tackle the issue, and in America, more than 70% of 1,000 educators said in a recent national survey that students are misbehaving more now than they did before the pandemic in 2019.Meanwhile, teachers are leaving the profession faster than they're joining in the UK, and school avoidance rates are at an all-time high. It's a complex issue that Simon Currigan talks about a lot on his podcast, School Behaviour Secrets.In this conversation he gives us his version of what's happening, gives us a top tip on how to deal with a teen when they've lost control, the importance of asking why... at least five times, and gives us a framework for understanding school avoidance.NOTES TO SUPPORT THE PODCAST:SEND - Special Educational Needs and DisabilitySEMH - Social Emotional Mental Health needs; part of SEND EMOTION COACHING:Empathise with their position - connection before correction.Boundaries based on values.Problem-solving - get them to engage in coming up with solutions.The Toyota FiveRAIDED framework for understanding school avoidance:Relationship problemAnxiety Identity - what do people like me do in a situation like this?Direction - where they are focusing so it can be a desire to be out of school because of what's happening at home. Environment - is the school too overstimulating or do they have sensory needs?Dislocation - do they feel unwelcome in the school community, as if they don't belong.Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?My aunt and uncle provide a huge amount of free childcare so that their son and daughter-in-law can work, but many say that's not been their experience. The Boomers have become notorious as a generation who are known to have reaped the rewards of the post-war boom but who appear to be more interested in travelling and enjoying themselves than supporting the next generation in their child-rearing struggles. Having a living parent who's 65 or older whilst raising a child under 18 is Pew Research's definition of someone in the Sandwich Generation. Being a Sandwich Generation parent in an ailing economy, means being pulled in many directions at the same time.Pew says 'not only do many provide care and financial support to their parents and their children, but nearly four-in-ten (38%) say both their grown children and their parents rely on them for emotional support.'In this episode we talk about the trials of the Sandwich Generation, and it's rather more nuanced than the headlines make it sound. We discuss how important it is for us all to build community, to have open discussions about our needs and expectations, and to live in the season of our life.GENERATION: PEW RESEARCH DEFINITIONGen Z – 1997 – 2012 Millennials were born between 1981 and 1996 Gen X were born between 1965 and 1980Boomers can be broken into two segments (Beresford research) – the first is 1946 and 1954 and the second is 1955-1964And the Silent Generation who were born between 1928 and 1945RESOURCES USED:https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/01/30/the-sandwich-generation/#:~:text=A%20Profile%20of%20the%20Sandwich,are%20pulled%20in%20many%20directions.https://www.newsweek.com/who-are-sandwich-generation-children-caring-parents-1778400https://www.investopedia.com/terms/s/sandwichgeneration.asp#:~:text=The%20sandwich%20generation%2C%20in%20the,%2C%20adult%20children%2C%20and%20grandchildren.https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandwich_generation#Development_of_the_concept_and_definitionhttps://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210128-why-the-sandwich-generation-is-so-stressed-outhttps://www.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2023/0Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Nobody likes making mistakes, but some of us find it much harder than others. Whilst most of us look on with admiration at the kid who's prepared to keep working until they do things perfectly, underlying that drive can be a painful belief that they're never going to be good enough. The knock-on effect can be a lifetime of anguish and all sorts of issues with starting and finishing projects.So when our listener asked us to talk about how to help her daughter who's showing signs of being a perfectionist, we bumped it up our schedule. In essence, we parents need to strive to avoid black and white thinking and find the middle path; a growth mindset that welcomes mistakes as an opportunity to learn, and the resilience to use those mistakes to try again.Some signs:Frequent catastrophic reactionsRefusal to try new thingsBeing very self-critical and self-conscious BOOKS:The Perfectionism Workbook for Teens by Anne Marie DoboszPerfectionism: What's Bad about Being Too Good? by Miriam Adderholdt-Elliott, Miriam Elliott, & Jan Goldberg (Monarch Books) When Perfect Isn't Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism by Martin M. Antony & Richard P. Swinson (New Harbinger Publications) When Good Enough Isn't Good Enough: The Real Deal on Perfectionism by Thomas S., Ph.D. Greenspon (Free Spirit Publishing)A lot of the research for this episode was drawn from an article by Amy Morin, the speaker who made 'The secret to becoming mentally strong. ' SOURCES:https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2017/06/25/9-signs-youre-a-perfectionist-and-thats-not-a-good-thing/https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/young-adult/Pages/What-Fuels-Perfectionism.asphttps://www.verywellfamily.com/what-to-do-when-your-child-is-a-perfectionist-4147432ANXIETY PDF://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/OvercomingPerfectionism.pdfSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?What we give our kids to spend, and when, is a perennial problem for all parents. Money is a really tricky topic in any relationship; behind it lurks power, responsibility, and freedom. When our kids hit their tween and teen years their needs and desires begin to rise rapidly, so how we enable them to get those things will have a lot to do with how we feel about handing them money, and what we say to them about it. Early on, I decided that I would use money during the teens years to begin the handover of responsibility in an attempt to teach my teens the value of budgeting and managing their own finances. This episode is an opportunity to hear how my system works and - two years on from when I first talked about it - to hear one of my teenagers discuss what the system has done for her and her sister. It's not perfect, nothing ever is, but hopefully listening to someone else's experience can help us all think through the best way to set up our own system that works for us. Let us know what you think teenagersuntangled@gmail.comSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Many teenagers say their relationship with their parents is very stressful and they yearn to be able to get along better. They often feel that their parents are on their case all of the time and that they never talk about anything interesting or light-hearted.  Conflict is an inescapable part of parenting, but it doesn't need to  be the only part. As parents, we can make such a difference by setting a more light-hearted tone. It's one of the best ways to build the bond in our relationship, which then makes it easier to deal with the more difficult parts of life. Rachel asked listeners to share the ways in which they enjoy spending time with their teens and in today's episode we also share our own experiences of keeping it light and happy. Hopefully, it will give us all faith that parenting teens can be enjoyable, and some ideas of ways in which we can keep our bond strong. Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk