Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 The audio hug for parents of teens and tweens.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?My aunt and uncle provide a huge amount of free childcare so that their son and daughter-in-law can work, but many say that's not been their experience. The Boomers have become notorious as a generation who are known to have reaped the rewards of the post-war boom but who appear to be more interested in travelling and enjoying themselves than supporting the next generation in their child-rearing struggles. Having a living parent who's 65 or older whilst raising a child under 18 is Pew Research's definition of someone in the Sandwich Generation. Being a Sandwich Generation parent in an ailing economy, means being pulled in many directions at the same time.Pew says 'not only do many provide care and financial support to their parents and their children, but nearly four-in-ten (38%) say both their grown children and their parents rely on them for emotional support.'In this episode we talk about the trials of the Sandwich Generation, and it's rather more nuanced than the headlines make it sound. We discuss how important it is for us all to build community, to have open discussions about our needs and expectations, and to live in the season of our life.GENERATION: PEW RESEARCH DEFINITIONGen Z – 1997 – 2012 Millennials were born between 1981 and 1996 Gen X were born between 1965 and 1980Boomers can be broken into two segments (Beresford research) – the first is 1946 and 1954 and the second is 1955-1964And the Silent Generation who were born between 1928 and 1945RESOURCES USED:https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/01/30/the-sandwich-generation/#:~:text=A%20Profile%20of%20the%20Sandwich,are%20pulled%20in%20many%20directions.https://www.newsweek.com/who-are-sandwich-generation-children-caring-parents-1778400https://www.investopedia.com/terms/s/sandwichgeneration.asp#:~:text=The%20sandwich%20generation%2C%20in%20the,%2C%20adult%20children%2C%20and%20grandchildren.https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandwich_generation#Development_of_the_concept_and_definitionhttps://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210128-why-the-sandwich-generation-is-so-stressed-outSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Nobody likes making mistakes, but some of us find it much harder than others. Whilst most of us look on with admiration at the kid who's prepared to keep working until they do things perfectly, underlying that drive can be a painful belief that they're never going to be good enough. The knock-on effect can be a lifetime of anguish and all sorts of issues with starting and finishing projects.So when our listener asked us to talk about how to help her daughter who's showing signs of being a perfectionist, we bumped it up our schedule. In essence, we parents need to strive to avoid black and white thinking and find the middle path; a growth mindset that welcomes mistakes as an opportunity to learn, and the resilience to use those mistakes to try again.Some signs:Frequent catastrophic reactionsRefusal to try new thingsBeing very self-critical and self-conscious BOOKS:The Perfectionism Workbook for Teens by Anne Marie DoboszPerfectionism: What's Bad about Being Too Good? by Miriam Adderholdt-Elliott, Miriam Elliott, & Jan Goldberg (Monarch Books) When Perfect Isn't Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism by Martin M. Antony & Richard P. Swinson (New Harbinger Publications) When Good Enough Isn't Good Enough: The Real Deal on Perfectionism by Thomas S., Ph.D. Greenspon (Free Spirit Publishing)A lot of the research for this episode was drawn from an article by Amy Morin, the speaker who made 'The secret to becoming mentally strong. ' SOURCES:https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2017/06/25/9-signs-youre-a-perfectionist-and-thats-not-a-good-thing/https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/young-adult/Pages/What-Fuels-Perfectionism.asphttps://www.verywellfamily.com/what-to-do-when-your-child-is-a-perfectionist-4147432ANXIETY PDF://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/OvercomingPerfectionism.pdfSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?What we give our kids to spend, and when, is a perennial problem for all parents. Money is a really tricky topic in any relationship; behind it lurks power, responsibility, and freedom. When our kids hit their tween and teen years their needs and desires begin to rise rapidly, so how we enable them to get those things will have a lot to do with how we feel about handing them money, and what we say to them about it. Early on, I decided that I would use money during the teens years to begin the handover of responsibility in an attempt to teach my teens the value of budgeting and managing their own finances. This episode is an opportunity to hear how my system works and - two years on from when I first talked about it - to hear one of my teenagers discuss what the system has done for her and her sister. It's not perfect, nothing ever is, but hopefully listening to someone else's experience can help us all think through the best way to set up our own system that works for us. Let us know what you think teenagersuntangled@gmail.comSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Many teenagers say their relationship with their parents is very stressful and they yearn to be able to get along better. They often feel that their parents are on their case all of the time and that they never talk about anything interesting or light-hearted.  Conflict is an inescapable part of parenting, but it doesn't need to  be the only part. As parents, we can make such a difference by setting a more light-hearted tone. It's one of the best ways to build the bond in our relationship, which then makes it easier to deal with the more difficult parts of life. Rachel asked listeners to share the ways in which they enjoy spending time with their teens and in today's episode we also share our own experiences of keeping it light and happy. Hopefully, it will give us all faith that parenting teens can be enjoyable, and some ideas of ways in which we can keep our bond strong. Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Grit is the ability to keep going toward a goal, even in spite of significant obstacles and distractions. It's a very apt name for the charity created by Dr Louise Randall, who was seeing many kids coming into her doctor's surgery needing help with difficult problems - such as self harm, eating disorders, and other mental health issues - and very little help available. In this interview we talk about how she uses boxing to teach resilience to help teens connect with their place in life and their own bodies, in a meaningful and healing way . One thing I love about this interview is that Louise gave us parents some of her top tips. Although she was reluctant, I pointed out that this podcast is all about helping parents to realise that we don't need to be experts to be good parents. We can all offer tips and support to each other because we all gets things wrong but we also learn things that might help others. Removing the judgement is critical to allowing us all to grow and do better. A great acronym to remind us not to talk with our teens about something that's been bothering us if we are: HALTHungryAngryLateTiredThe beautiful letter recommended by Louise:https://gretchenschmelzer.com/parents-corner/2015/6/23/the-letter-your-teenager-cant-write-you?format=ampSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Does a goldfish have a longer attention span than us humans  - as a Microsoft study found - or do we believe the latest study on concentration which says adults have actually increased in their ability to pay attention since the 1990's?The latest study made us wonder about what's really going on, because we all know that gamers have phenomenal powers of concentration, but the rest of us feel we're struggling with attention.Perhaps our real problem is a lack of focus caused by too many choices for what we could be doing.In this episode, we talk about the two studies, other studies relating to the problems associated with too much choice, the impact of sleep-deprivation, and positive ways in which we can help ourselves to get things done in our daily lives.  TED talk:The gratification monkey - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arj7oStGLkUBOOKS:The Collapse of Parenting by Leonard SachsTHE MAIN STUDY:https://www.researchgate.net/publication/377035152_Is_there_a_Flynn_effect_for_attention_Cross-temporal_meta-analytical_evidence_for_better_test_performance_1990-2021https://pure.hw.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/106082041/1-s2.0-S0191886923003409-main.pdfhttps://www.csoonline.com/article/551475/microsoft-goldfish-have-higher-attention-spans-than-we-do-thanks-to-digital-lifestyles.htmlhttps://www.theguardian.com/money/2010/jul/24/secret-to-improving-concentration#:~:text=Fuel%20your%20mind.,water%20as%20dehydration%20impoverishes%20concentration. https://time.com/3858309/attention-spans-goldfish/(https://standard.asl.org/27705/uncategorized/social-media-causes-attention-spans-to-drop/#:~:text=According%20to%20a%20survey%20conducted,use%2C%20was%20distracting%20to%20them.)Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?The hashtag #eldestdaughtersyndrome is reported to have had a whopping 24.7 million views on TikTok, and counting, but what is it and why is it getting so much attention?  We look at the issues faced by the eldest sibling in the family, then talk more specifically about why daughters can feel resentful of the role that's foisted on them. It's easily done by us parents, particularly if we live in a patriarchal society.  The expectation that they will do more of the emotional and domestic heavy-lifting in the family than the other siblings can teach them great life-skills, even make them successful in the workplace, but it can also make them resentful at missing out on the benefits of childhood. In this episode we talk about how we spot it and what can we do to rebalance what might be happening in our family. THE EXCELLENT BOOK I MENTIONED:The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCulloughUSEFUL ARTICLES FROM HOME GIRLS UNITE ON INSTAGRAM:https://www.npr.org/2010/11/18/131424878/how-much-does-birth-order-shape-our-liveshttps://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/11/first-born-children-eldest-daughter-family-dynamics/675986/https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/eldest-daughter-syndrome-oldest-sibling-family-responsibilitiesBOOK RECOMMENDATIONS FROM SAGE THERAPY CHICAGO:The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are by Dr. Kevin LemanThe Eldest Daughter Effect: How Our Family Order Influences Our Lives by  Lisette Schuitemaker The Sibling Effect: What the Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us by Jeffrey KlugerSisters First: Stories from Our Wild and Wonderful Life by Jenna Bush Hager and Barbara Pierce BushYou Were Always Mom's Favorite!: Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives by Deborah TannenAdult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. GibsonREFERENCES USED: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/11/first-born-children-eldest-daughter-family-dynamics/675986/https://www.charliehealth.com/post/what-is-oldest-daughter-syndrome#:~:text=Due%20to%20the%20responsibilities%20and,siblings%20from%20a%20younger%20age.https://www.modernintimacy.com/what-is-eldest-daughter-syndrome/#:~:text=Signs%20of%20Eldest%20Daughter%20Syndrome%20in%2Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Sometimes it's good to talk about our own challenges. The occasional chat in which we discuss the sorts of things we've been facing can help to dispel any myths that other people have got things sorted, and can also give you ideas of how to reframe your own battles.In this episode we cover how important it is to keep reminding ourselves to not take things personally. We talk about a teen who has battled through numerous issues and come out looking like a swan. The key message is that we want our teens realise that it takes time to get there. She didn't pop out fully-formed, but the battles she's faced have made her far more powerful - and dare I say happier.  We talk about how uncomfortable it can feel for us parents when our teen starts falling in love. We've covered the gritty 'teens having sex in our home', but this is more about the feelings we can experience as our child becomes romantically entangled.The final reflection covers how difficult and challenging it can feel to be presented with new facts which require us to change our mind about something we believe to be true. Let us know what you think; we always love feedback and any suggestions for new episodes.CHAPTERS:00:02:02 Not taking things personally00:05:47 Building resilience through hardship one step at a time00:14:53 The importance of practice00:16:43 Coping with your teen's first relationship00:20:21 Same-sex relationship00:29:32 The importance of being able to change your mind when you have new factsSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Many teens roll their eyes if they hear people talking about manners. The concept sounds old fashioned - like something that should be relegated to the Victorian past - but often what they're thinking about is etiquette rather than manners. I went into the differences, and nuances, of manners in part two of this previous episode: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-23-coping-with-an-empty-nest-and-manners-what-they-are-and-why-do-they-matter/For this episode I've been joined by Brooke Romney, the author of 52 Modern Manners for Teens,  about the vital role manners have in setting up our teens for success. I mentioned a few previous episodes in the podcast. What do you think about manners? Do you have any particular ones that really matter to you.Supporting your teen with meeting people and making friends:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-26-friendships-how-to-support-your-teens-social-skills-in-making-and-keeping-friends/Posting bikini shots:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/75-why-are-girls-posting-bikini-pics-and-what-should-we-say-about-them/Setting high expectations:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/76-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/SECTIONS:Social norms, manners, and relationships in teenagers. (2:06)Parental intentions and manners education for teenagers. (7:18)Social manners and etiquette for teenagers. (10:03)Teenage social skills and online etiquette. (16:52)Teaching teens social skills and emotional intelligence. (21:31)Empowering teens through skills and teamwork. (26:11)Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?We've all got a past, but telling our kids about what happened in it is a tricky subject. Whether it's all about the fun - sex and drugs and rock and roll - or things that caused deep trauma, there's a good chance that our teens will start asking questions at any point. Sometimes they're genuinely curious they want to connect, and get to know what makes the human that's one of the most important people in their life. Other questions are just an attempt at getting a free pass to do things that they might otherwise be held back from. Opening up, and being honest with them, can help them in the process of growing up. It will help them to understand why you operate the way you do, and create a deeper connection with you. If we are too open with our kids we risk flipping the table and turning them into our own therapists or parents. In this episode we delve into the issues involved, and talk about how we parents can tread that difficult line with our kids. https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-20-how-to-talk-to-your-teenagers-about-drugs-and-how-to-deal-with-a-teenager-who-says-they-dont-want-to-see-the-other-parent/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-2-should-we-be-letting-our-teenagers-drink-alcohol-and-what-should-we-be-telling-them-about-it-also-how-to-stay-connected/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-3-techniques-for-talking-with-your-teenager-and-teenagers-having-sex-in-your-home/SEGMENTS:Trauma, parenting, and sexual assault. (0:02)Bonding with adult children through shared experiences. (1:12)Parenting and teenage mental health. (4:09)How to answer children's awkward questions. (10:29)Parenting and honesty with teenagers. (14:18)Sharing personal stories with children for emotional growth. (21:28)Navigating difficult conversations with children after trauma. (23:41)Sharing traumatic experiences with children. (27:31)https://edition.cnn.com/2014/03/04/living/parents-telling-kids-about-past-drug-use/index.htmlhttps://www.parentcircle.com/things-parents-to-remember-before-talking-to-children-about-past-life/articlehttps://theritesofpassage.biz/how-much-of-my-own-sexual-past-should-i-share-with-my-kids/https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jul/16/i-was-raped-how-much-should-i-tell-my-childrenhttps://community.babycenter.com/post/a30429415/do_you_think_its_ever_right_to_tell_your_teenage_child_you_were_rapedabusedhttps://apn.com/resources/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-your-past/https://drlizhale.com/tSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk