114: Boundaries: How to set them and why they’re so important.

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Boundaries exist, regardless of whether we're conscious of them or not. The first place we experience them is in our own home, and the way they are created, managed and enforced can set us up for a lifetime of healthy relationships, or difficulty coping with other humans.

In this episode Susie and I discuss what a boundary is, how we uncover our own boundaries and create and uphold healthy ones within our own families.

It's a fascinating area for us parents who were raised in an era where the term barely existed, and the mental health issues that come with poor boundaries went unacknowledged.

We'd love to hear your feedback, ideas and questions. Email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com or send a text using the button at the top of the podcast notes.

SOURCES:

• https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/teens-health-boundaries/#:~:text=Healthy%20boundaries%20support%20adolescents'%20ability,and%20sometimes%20verbally%20as%20well.
• https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries#10-tips
• https://www.verywellhealth.com/setting-boundaries-5208802

Boundary Exercises from verywellhealth

When you set boundaries, you're communicating to others how you want and expect to be treated. Here are a few exercises that can help when you feel tongue-tied:

Use "I" statements:

• I feel ______ when _____ is said to me.
• When this happens______, I feel_____.

When you feel disrespected:

• I don't like the way I'm being spoken to right now.
• I would like to talk about this but now is not the right time.
• I would prefer to discuss this when we can be calmer about it.

Buy yourself some time:

• I'm not sure right now. Can I come to you once I've thought about it?
• I need more time to think, but I will get back to you.

When you want to say "no" with a little more explanation:

• I would love to, but my plate is really full right now.
• I would if I could, but I'm unable to help with that right now.
• I really appreciate the invitation, but I'm not interested in participating.

Seeking consent with sexual boundaries:

• Are you okay with this?
• Do you want to continue?
• Are you comfortable if I____?

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I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
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Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk