Be Mythical

Why a scary diagnosis doesn't need to be scary... with Molly Gordon So what happened on last week's show? It was a much-talked about show the wonderful Barb Patterson about true self versus self image. we got into an interesting conversation about personality tests and profiles. If you missed that then you missed out so subscribe to the show and catch up with that episode after this show! And this week I'm talking to the magnificent Molly Gordon has been searching for the meaning of life for as long as she can remember. Molly's been a professional coach for a couple of decades and has trained and practised in many disciplines including Byron Katie's The Work and Jungian psychology, She now coaches from a three principles understanding. This summer, Molly was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent a mastectomy followed by radiation therapy. She is passionate about sharing with others how even modest insights into the Three Principles have enabled her to find grace and freedom in the midst of what many find to be a scary diagnosis.  So today we're going to be talking about why a scary diagnosis doesn't have to be a scary diagnosis. What you'll learn in this show: However scary things feel, we're always sitting safely in the 'cinema seat' and simply watching the scary movie of our thoughts. I love Molly's description of that! We will all be living this life, moment to moment, doing something until we die. We will all die of something. Does it matter what it is?  Isn't life really about how we live? We don't have the ability to flick through a book of perspectives and pick the one that looks best... but every human being has the innate ability to have a perspective change. Our consciousness rises and then we will notice that more perspectives available to us.

How to be your true self... with Barb Patterson So what happened on last week's show? It was a goodie... it was with Don Deacy and it's was about the desire to feel better versus trusting that we already are OK. And seriously, subscribe to the show now and then you won't miss out again! And this week I'm talking to the amazing Barb Patterson! Barb runs a coaching and consulting company bringing the insights of state of mind & performance to clients around the world.Barb has lived and worked in Europe and the US. She has over 20 years experience as both an internal executive and outside consultant for businesses, entrepreneurs, CEOs and top executives from all regions of the world. She also mentors other coaches and practitioners.   Today we're going to be talking about true self vs the image of who we think we are: Who could I be? What could I do? Could I do more? How could I be better? Am I living my life to my fullest potential? What am I striving for anyway? If you've asked yourself these questions then this is the show for you! What you'll learn in this show: We don't need to strive to be something because all we're doing is striving for an image of who we think we should be! The made-up nature of our personalities means we're not our Myers Briggs types! All of that is just thought. Really we all have a freedom to think all kinds of things and therefore there's a wide open space of who we can be. Who knows what true selves really are but what Barb has seen is that left alone, our true nature always appears and that means we always blossom.

How to feel better? It's all about unconditional trust... with Don Deacy   This week I'm speaking to Don Deacy. Don's a three principles coach and also a therapist with many years of experience in all kinds of healing modalities such Acupuncture, Chinese Herbal Medicine and Bowen Therapy. After a lifetime of studying various martial arts at a superficial level Don started studying the martial art of Aikido in 1992 and teaching it in 1997. His passion for this martial art and his desire to understand 'chi', or as the Japanese call it 'ki', led to studying and qualifying in various healing modalities such as Acupuncture, Chinese Herbal Medicine and Bowen Therapy. Initially practicing these therapies as a hobby they quickly became a passion alongside Aikido. In 2008, with the help of his wonderful wife, Don came to see that raising a family, teaching a martial art, running a part time therapy practice and working full time was just too much and something had to give way. So with the support of his wife and family Don took the decision to leave the world of paid employment and set up a full time practice as a therapist.  Whilst working as a professional therapist Don came to clearly see the psychological dimension of illness. Feeling ill equipped to address this need he started searching for a solution. In 2011 Don was fortunate enough to come across Jamie Smart and was exposed to Three Principles understanding as uncovered by Sydney Banks. Jamie's wonderful work enabled Don to embrace this understanding and he began coaching using the Three Principles as part of his practice in 2012. In 2013 Don completed the Three Principles Trainer’s Training (3PTT) programme run by Cathy Casey and Dr Mark Howard. As a result of Jamie's work, the excellent 3PTT and the many wonderful teachers he was exposed to over that period Don's professional direction has been profoundly changed. Coaching and teaching the Three Principles has become his primary activity and significantly influencing all the other aspects of his work. Today we're going to be talking about the desire to feel better versus the unconditional trust that we already are perfectly OK, perfectly happy! What you'll learn in this show: Don and I chatted again after the show and he'd expanded further on some questions I asked during the show. And his answers actually make a great summary of some of the great things you'll learn during the show! "What do I mean by grounding? Grounding is balance. An ease of movement and interaction with the world. From grounding comes the ability to flow, to extend our senses, to ride the waves, to take the knocks and keep our equilibrium." "What do I mean by spiritual? Spiritual is beyond the world of form as we see it in the moment. A connection to a far greater wisdom than our personal intellect. From the spiritual comes possibility, new understanding, hope and wonder that guides us and teaches us. "What do I mean by form? We can be conscious/aware of form but we can only be conscious of the the possibility within the formless. As soon as we try to be conscious of the formless we are in effect creating form.What comes to mind is a metaphor. The telescope. When we look through a telescope we see what we are looking at and that is in effect form. Now, there is much more out there than what we are looking at . What we see is what I would refer to as form. What we don't see is what I would refer to as formless. So it is possible to view form and formless as separate but that would be misleading. Form is born from the formless, as is enriched by it, like when we focus a telescope. Form is in effect our awareness which is an element of consciousness. Form is like truth in that it is time specific. The formless is infinite, it is the home of hope, of insight, of wonder, of possibility. The form is present and the home of the intellect. We can move a telescope and we can focus in and out but we must be aware that there is always more to see and what we are looking at we can always see differently. Form is the experience of life and the formless is the possibility of life. [mmmm, I love that! Lian] Form is our understanding in the moment, this is fixed and it has to be to allow us to navigate. As the saying goes, the map is not the territory, so the formless allows us to create new maps and indeed will demand that we do so. As a telescope on earth will allow us to see the universe in a certain way and depending on the location to varying degrees of clarity, the hubble telescope which is in space not only allows us to see the universe in much more detail is has demanded that we rethink everything we thought we knew about the universe!! So perhaps a shift in consciousness is like moving our telescope higher and higher into space. This must by its very nature change what we think we know about form."

This week I’m speaking to Jeff Rader. Jeff doesn’t like to be described as a coach, teacher, mentor but is coming to terms with being called facilitator but mostly just likes to be known as Jeff! Today we’re going to be talking about recovery from addiction. Or as Jeff said… alcohol wasn’t his problem, it was his solution to the pain created by his focus on himself and  his thoughts.   What you’ll learn in this show: Jeff talked about people need to be in touch with a higher power in order to overcome addiction and stay alive. I say that all of us need something like that, although maybe we don’t need to think of it as God or even a higher power actually. It can simply be feeling that we’re in connection to all that is, has ever been and ever will be. When we understand that we get to see that we’re not so important or responsible for making everything happen. That lack of obsessive focus on ourselves is incredibly freeing. I loved how Jeff talked about accepting and appreciating of the incredible miracle of it all. When we see how awesome the design of the world is, it makes a lot less sense to whinge and moan about the tiny parts of it that aren’t quite as we’d like. We talked about the core of happiness, peace and wellbeing true for all of us, it’s only our thoughts that seem as though we don’t have this. This comes up over and over on this show and it’s no surprise because it’s such a life changer when we really see this for ourselves!

This week I'm speaking to Phil Goddard. Phil says that whilst he could be described as a coach, but he said he could be more simply described as a Lover. :) And it is this pure loving presence that he brings to his clients, groups, family and friends. He started coaching professionally in 2005 and transitioned from an incredibly successful career a leader in UK local and central government departments, and I.T corporations. Swapping hard work for heart work, he brings the simplicity, power and clarity of love into many other lives and organisations, getting to the 'heart of the matter' through one-on-one coaching and coaching intensive retreats, whilst travelling around Europe and the USA. For the past decade, Phil's been evolving his work and the way he works with his clients and he's releasing more recently that it's super simple and really just comes down to love. And today, we're talking about self-love - or how to get over yourself. :) What you'll learn in this show: Self-love isn't about treating yourself. As Phil says '...by all means have the dark Belgium chocolates, buy yourself red roses, treat yourself to a massage, get down to the gym and feast on spinach soup for lunch. Allow yourself some quiet time, say f**k it and book that holiday, have a sit down with a cup of tea, get a manicure and buy the not-from-concentrate juice.' but that isn't what self-love is. Self-love is purely about accepting yourself, as you are. If you're negotiating with yourself "If I put myself through this Hell then I can reward myself afterwards." then that's not love. Reward to counterbalance judgement is not an act of love. Love doesn't involve judgement. Notice the difference between how acceptance feels and how resistance feel. Can you feel that acceptance doesn't create tension?

How to go from unhappy to body-painted, half-naked happiness! ...with Jacob Sokol This week, I'm talking to Jacob Sokol, a life coach who helps twenty to thirty year olds create a life with more happiness, more fulfilment, and getting paid to do what they love.  He helps people follow their hearts while bringing their heads. Through his company Sensophy, Jacob has brought together a community of over 12,000 soul-siblings while creating a multiple 6-figure coaching biz in under 3 years. When he’s not leading retreats in Bali or coaching at home in NYC, he’s either listening to hardcore hip-hop or cuddling with his two cats. We started the conversation with me asking Jacob how come I'd seen a photo of him half naked and covered in body paint. :) Jacob rolls back a a few years and shares his story of discovering what it really means to be a happy and fulfilled human being. What you'll learn in this show: As children were often told "This is how it is. These are the rules. This is what's important." and then most of us keep on being told that as adults. There's something inside most of us that feels that what we're being told doesn't feel right or doesn't make sense (especially given most of the adults telling us the 'right' way to live seem miserable and unfulfilled!) but it's not clear what the alternative is, or even if there is one! If we stay in a situation where we're around people who believe and keep confirming our stories about who we are, it can be seriously hard to see what's true and what is simply years of beliefs and conditioning. I loved Jacob's example of how he went on his trip and then began to realise that he wasn't his thoughts. Nature's taking care of business, it's just about understanding how to listen. As Jacob described it 'the universe speaks universe', the more we get in touch with who we are before all the stories about ourselves, the more we're able to hear what's good for us.

How to feel love when you hate... with Bill Cumming This week, I'm talking to Bill Cumming. Bill is a thirty-year coaching veteran and Director of The Boothby Institute. He has been a coach, consultant and trainer to CEOs and the executive teams of health care delivery organizations, businesses, school systems and non-profit organizations. He is a key partner in the New Horizons Academy. Here, in his own words, is some of his story... "I discovered the power of loving-kindness bass-ackwards as I was trying to understand where violence came from in our society. Upon the rape of one of my children, my immediate response was to want to kill. (This beautiful child, now forty, is well and is a continuing inspiration to me.) The irony of wanting to solve damage with damage hit me immediately. In my search for understanding, I met a man who’d been damaged in his youth. He admitted to me – in a maximum security prison in Somers, Connecticut – that he had killed and raped. He also, at the end of a very long day, told me he was sorry that my daughter had been raped. I am the recipient of loving-kindness from a person who has done great damage and, regardless of any good I might have done, I am capable of great violence." But the written word can't do justice to Bill, his story or the things he talks about in this episode so for once, I'm just going to say this... Whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever's happened in your past and whatever is going on for you now, please listen to this, I think you'll be glad that you did. :-) What you'll learn in this show: For once I'm not going to try to summarise what you'll learn from this show, you'll feel whatever you're meant to feel. So I'll just leave you with my paraphrase of something that Bill said "You're either coming from loving kindness or 'other'... that's all there is."

How to flow when life is full of baby vomit and sleepless nights ...with Victoria Groom  This week, I'm talking to Victoria Groom, the Flow Coach. Victoria he helps people to kick the control habit and to surrender to the flow of life. Victoria successfully distracted herself from purposeful living for many years! She spent time in a publishing career and investment banking recruitment before 'finding' life coaching 8 years ago. In April 2014, at the age of 41, Victoria had her first child, a daughter called Annie-Rose and amongst the usual challenges of new motherhood were breastfeeding problems, failure to thrive, tongue tie and food allergies. She feels very blessed in later motherhood, not least for the lessons in Flow it has brought! She has been featured in Woman's Own and is currently writing a book called The Flow Paradox: How to Lose Control and Have it All, running The Flow Experiment and contributing to a forthcoming book on motherhood. Today we're talking about falling into an effortless ebb and flow in pregnancy and new motherhood, which is often the time that it seems like the most impossible on earth (I know, I've been there!) What you'll learn in this show: As we recognise that everything is constantly moving and changing, it becomes easier to see that times of 'ebb', the times that life feels slower and less 'productive' or we need to rest more, life isn't passing us by, we're still in the flow of life. We can notice the way life flows through all of us but in particular with our children, and instead of trying to fight, control, change or resist the way things are flowing, we can notice, experiment and move with it. That's a much easier and more enjoyable way to parent and to live! As we get back in connection with ourselves and the world around us, we can fall back into the natural rhythms of our alignment with everything around us in all kinds of ways.

This week, I'm talking to Rasmus Carlsson, who is a transformative coach, trainer and group facilitator and becoming quite a regular on the Born Happy Show. Rasmus says that we're often conditioned to think that love between people means certain things - often romantic or sexual. Today we're talking about how love shows up in change work. And what it means both in coaching and teaching relationships and also, more broadly in life.   And we laughed too. :D What you'll learn in this show: We can misinterpret the presence or connection (or we could call it 'love') that sometimes shows up in a relationship, we can believe it must be romantic or sexual, instead of a connection that's natural for every one of us. Many of the uncomfortable and painful feelings we have as adults are because we've been conditioned to be so closed, but we were born with everything we need to have a fabulously happy and connected life, so as Yoda said "You must unlearn what you have learned." Rasmus likened love to this great quote from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: "There is an art to flying, or rather a knack. It's knack lies in learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, that presents the difficulties." As Rasmus said love is about throwing yourself at it, let go and not being afraid of getting hurt - because it's actually impossible to be hurt. As Rasmus said: being hurt is just an idea.

The super power of loving kindness... Katie Abbott Katie Abbott is a therapist and coach, she's been running the Lewis Clinic in Harley Street for the last 8 years, runs retreats abroad and events in London. She's written for The Guardian, Observer, and Psychologies Magazine. Katie is passionate about giving people the experience of being welcomed, accepted and loved. She enjoys exploring the space beyond words. In this episode we're talking about the super power of loving kindness. What you'll learn in this show: We are born with our hearts wide open and therefore we're able to connect beautifully to others. As we grow we're surrounded by people who are telling us, one way or another, that we need to close up to be safe. As we remember our true nature, we begin to open again and realise that this is actually much safer way to be (that's if we consider that having a full, rich, creative and loving experience of life is something worth having!) We're all the same and we all have the same need for connection. It's easy to get caught up in the differences between us but they're just superficial. There's a place or an essence of us all that goes way beyond the psychological and physical, and that's something that connects us all. We're often taught conditional love and therefore don't believe that we're worth being loved unconditionally but we all have the same loveability! We all have the potential to be touched by love and to live from love.