Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

I think this is the first time I've publicly discussed the bizarre memory of waiting up long into the night to see if I made the Pom Pom squad at Highland Park High School. Thank you to Rachel Levy Lesser and Stephanie Goldstein for inviting me on Life's Accessories, The Podcast to talk about the BIG mistake I made quitting the tennis team in high school, how a little bit of good old-fashioned friendship jealousy got me back into tennis, and why I love tennis people so much. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Episode #40: After discussing the topic of great gift ideas for friends in my Facebook group--Dear Nina: The Group--I heard such thoughtful examples that I wanted to share those ideas with listeners. There are some really creative gifts in this quick 10-minute episode. I also briefly discussed Anna Goldfarb's recent Atlantic article, "Gift-Giving is About the Buyer, Not the Receiver." Anna was a guest on episode 35 of Dear Nina.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Everyone tells me their city is the hardest city for making new friends. It's a common problem! I spoke to Pam Lamp who has a fun and helpful story about making new friends at 57-years-old when she moved to Nashville with her husband and had to rebuild her social life. Pam's story spoke to me because I often hear from listeners and readers who struggle to make new friends as an adult. I don't think people realize how much work and humility it takes. You truly have to take the initiative and not worry about being the one to reach out several times in a row. Even many times in a row!Meet Pam Lamp:For more than six years, Pam Lamp has explored one new thing—every single day. At Who I Met Today she writes about these discoveries and the inspiring people she’s met along the way. Find Pam on Facebook and Instagram.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

I spoke to author Diana Spechler about a piece she wrote in her Substack called “How to Make Friends.” It was a refreshing take on making friends when moving to a new city and on friendship "deal breakers." What are your friendship preferences and limitations? Does repeated cancelling get to you? Is a friend who wants to talk several times a week asking for too much? Each of us has different "deal breakers." Outside of a significant breach of trust, there is no right and wrong here--just personal preferences. MEET DIANA SPECHLERDiana Spechler is the author of the novels Who by Fire and Skinny and of the New York Times Opinion series “Going Off.” She has written for The Guardian, GQ, Washington Post, Esquire, McSweeney's Quarterly Tendency, Electric Literature, Harper's Travel and Leisure, and many other publications.Diana is and eight-time Moth Story Slam winner and has been featured on the Moth Radio Hour, The Moth Podcast, and NPR. She teaches writing at the MFA program at Cedar Crest College. And check out her newsletter, Dispatches From the Road, on Substack about the travel writing life. And it's also where you'll find her essay, "How to Make Friends.”ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

There are lots of benefits to having couple friends. My husband joined me as we reflected on why we have made such a big effort to maintain couple friendships throughout our 20+ year marriage and what we think it adds to our lives. We each have our own friends, but couple friendships have been important too. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

My mom, Kathy Sackheim, joined me to discuss widowhood and friendship, as well as friendships while my dad was in the later years of Parkinson's Disease. I'm so grateful for my mom's honesty and advice. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Journalist, Anna Goldfarb, joins me to discuss managing a lopsided friendship— that feeling you’re putting more into the friendship than your friend is, and, maybe even being okay with it depending on the situation.The episode came about after reading Anna's article in vox.com called "How to Handle a Lopsided Friendship."Anna Goldfarb is the author of Modern Friendship and writes about friendships, relationships, and pop psychology for major publications. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Vice, TIME, The Cut and more. She's the author of the humor memoir "Clearly, I Didn't Think This Through" as well as an upcoming book about modern friendship. She lives in Philadelphia.Follow Anna on twitter @AnnaGoldfarb and on Instagram. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

It is possible to reconnect with an ex-friend and forget the issues that caused the breakup? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But forgiveness is a necessary ingredient if you're even going to try. In this replay episode, I have a candid conversation with one of my best friends, Rebecca Kotok, who for about three years in our 20s, was my ex-best friend. We discuss why we stopped talking, and how and why we rekindled our friendship.Plus, Rebecca and I discuss two voicemails from listeners with their own forgiveness stories, one that worked well and one that didn't last. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Ruchi Koval, Co-founder and Associate Director of Congregation JFX, talks about the reality of hurt feelings and disappointments in friendships. They discuss the question of whether every friendship needs to "fill your cup." Ruchi emphasizes the importance of kind and truthful relationships, but acknowledges that there are relationships in which nobody ever gets hurt, and those are called acquaintances. They also explore strategies for expressing disinterest in friendship without hurting feelings and discuss the complexities of maintaining friendships while being honest about demoting them.

Dr. Marisa G. Franco, author of Platonic, and I talk about how expressing anger can strengthen a friendship. Dr. Franco also gives tips for how conflict between friends can have a win-win outcome. We talk about attachment theory in friendship and more."When someone brings up an issue with us, remember it as an act of love. They are giving us an opportunity to reconcile and to heal things. They're giving us enlightenment as to how we can do better as a friend. And that's gold. How rare do we get that in our interactions? And if we can remember, in a larger way, this is really going to help me grow as a person, even if it hurts in the moment, I think that can be helpful with making us less defensive." ~ Dr. Marisa G. FrancoMEET DR. MARISA G. FRANCOAn enlightening psychologist and national speaker, Dr. Marisa G Franco is known for digesting and communicating science in ways that resonate deeply enough with people to change their lives. She works as a professor at The University of Maryland and her forthcoming book Platonic: How The Science of AttachmentCan Help You Make—and Keep—Friends debuts with Penguin Random House in September 2022. She writes about friendship for Psychology Today and has been a featured connection expert for major publications like The New York Times, The Telegraph, and Vice. She speaks on belonging at corporations, government agencies, non-profits, and universities across the country, including Harper Collins Publishers, Cisco, American Association for the Advancement of Science, and The Department of State. On her Instagram (DrMarisaGFranco), you can find more friendship tips, and on her website, www.DrMarisaGFranco.com, you can find a free quiz to assess your strengths and weaknesses as a friend.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands