MINDSET ZONE

At the beginning of the year, I like to re-read books that impacted me in the past. This year, I decided to read again The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s a beautifully written short book that calls our attention to the many self-limiting beliefs we hold in our lives. The author, Don Miguel Ruiz, calls these beliefs agreements. I like to call them Mindset Blind-Spots, because we are not aware that we hold them, yet we filter our experiences through them. According to Don Miguel Ruiz, if we learn to replace these self-limiting beliefs by The Four Agreements proposed in his book, we can change our lives for the better. These Four Agreements are: 1. Be impeccable with your word 2. Don't take anything personally 3. Don't make assumptions 4. Always do your best In the next episodes of this podcast, I will focus on these agreements. Today, I want to explore the concept of agreement as a self-limiting belief which we hold without awareness. This is why I consider these self-limiting beliefs as Mindset Blind-Spots. Yet, unlike the visual blind spot I described in Episode 6: Blind Spots - We All Have Them, we are not born with Mindset Blind-Spots - we learn them. Don Miguel Ruiz calls this learning process the domestication of humans. It’s how we typically learn how to live and how to dream. This often happens at a subconscious level. We start to believe in certain rules as truisms that we don't even consider to challenge. These can be rules like saying “Thank You" when someone gives us as a gift. To take as fact that if someone says we are “dumb”, “ugly”, “bad” that also must be true. I see this process of domestication as part of being human, living in an organized society. Yet, I like the idea of living in a society where I have some say about the rules that govern it. Luckily enough, I lived all my live in countries ruled by democratic regimes, where theoretically, we have some say on the rules. Yet there are so many implicit and subtle rules that are not written, but are as strong or even stronger that the written ones. I want to have a say on these rules too. Even if it's to agree that I want to keep following that rule. This is vital, because often these are the rules that govern our personal lives. I know that I cannot be in a state of constant analysis – that would lead to analysis paralysis. I would be so overwhelmed that would prevent me to do any meaningful action. Yet, I like to create spaces where I become aware of these unwritten rules. This helps me to become aware of my own Mindset Blind-Spots. I see this as a three-step ABC process: Step 1: Awareness – Become aware that we have many self-limiting beliefs that make us react in a certain way Step 2: Breath Out – Remind myself that I have the power to press the pause button. I don’t have to react, I can choose how to respond Step 3: Create My Response (following my own agreements) I speak about this on Episode 8: React or Create–Your Choice. Love the quote that Stephen R. Covey attributes to Viktor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response there is a space.In that space is our power to choose our response.In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” I love this quote because, we usually see a stimulus as something that activates a response almost automatically. There – between stimulus and response – Frankl sees a space. A brief space where we have the power to choose our response. A brief space where we can learn to be creators of our lives and not just be reactors. This is very powerful and transformational. My challenge for the my next 7 days is to focus on awareness - Step 1 of the ABC process described. The goal is to become more aware. Whenever possible, I will write down my awareness or feelings about the situation. What are the rules am I following?How do I feel about them?Do I feel I need to do this, I have to do this, or I must do this?Do I want to do this? Want to join me in this 7-day Awareness Challenge? Love to hear your comments and learn about your experiences.

Perfection - I strive for perfection. I always did, and I still do. I like to do things as well as possible. I'm always looking for ways to improve. I know that perfection is an illusion. It's impossible to produce something totally flawless, but why not to try to create something as good as possible. In preparation to produce this Podcast,  I invested the time and money to learn from the Podcast Answer Man, Cliff Ravenscraft. To launch this podcast, I invested the time and money to learn from John Lee Dumas of Entrepreneurs On Fire. I decided to do this podcast – MINDSET ZONE – because I know that I can create experiences that will help my listeners to expand their possibilities about what they can do and be. Most of the episodes have been solo, and I only bring guests for interviews, when I think that adds significant value to the overall experience to my listener. I'm also aware that when we do a podcast interview, we increase the reach of our message to a wider audience. We are potentially speaking to our own peeps and well as the people who already follow our guest. Thus, to bring the Best-Selling Author Michael Port, to the last week's episode was a very important event at both levels (to create an incredible experience and increase the reach of the Mindset Zone to new listeners). I wanted this interview to be as to be perfect as possible. I Did The Prep Work I had prepared the topic and questions I wanted to cover with Michael well ahead of time. I thought I had planned equally well the environment here in my home office to be ready for this event. This happened during my 5 year-old daughter's school winter break, thus I asked my husband to take her out of the house during the interview. There was a miscommunication about timing, and they returned home during the recording. There I was, trying not to panic, and trying to manage everything in order not to ruin my perfect interview. If you are a home based solo-preneur, you probably get this scenario. Not surprisingly my daughter interrupted the interview by saying hello in the mic (she loves mics!). Again, trying not to panic and bring all my professional skills into play, I utilized the situation to illustrate how we have to be able to deal with situations that are not perfect and yet keep putting our work out there. Courage To Be Imperfect Still, the truth is, it took me a week to gather the courage to listen to the recording and decide if I was going to use it or not. I had worked hard to produce this interview. It was the right timing. My show was trending high in the New & Noteworthy lists in iTunes. I was showing in the main feature chart. I rated: Number 1 in Education>Training and Health>Self-Help Categories.Number 2 in the Business>Management & Marketing category, in both the New & Noteworthy list, as well as, the Top Podcast list. Finally, I was reaching more people, and I knew I had the opportunity to give them an experience that could determine if they will keep following my show (or not). I had to decide to publish (or not to publish) the interview. What would people think? What kind of professional image am I going to project? Agonizing with these issues, I thought of possible solutions. Maybe, I could edit that part out (but, there was solid content that I would have had to cut as well). Maybe, I could ask Michael to re-record the interview, (however, that would delay the release of that episode at least for a couple of weeks). I gathered my courage (and pressured by the deadline to make a decision,) and hit play. The interview sounded better than expected. The Reality... The reality is that doing a good interview with Michael Port is not difficult. If we have a good enough first question, we just have to keep out of his way and he will produce a great show, full of useful and powerful content. Yes, I can see my nervousness by counting the amount of “uhmms." I know I could have done a better job in facilitating the flow of the interview. Yet, the content was solid, and the message of thinking big is a very important one. Michael dealt so graciously with my daughter’s interruption that it produced a sweet and fun moment. The interview was really a good one, and it was published last week. It's the more popular episode so far. So why did I made such a drama about it? The turmoil of this process made me face my own gremlins about perfection. Let Go of Perfection I decided to read the book,"The Gifts of Imperfection.” This book is written by the best-selling author Brené Brown who is also a researcher and amazing speaker I admire a lot.. In her book, Brown give us 10 guideposts in order to live a wholehearted life. Guidepost #2 is "Cultivating Self-Compassion: Letting Go Of Perfectionism." Easier Said Than Done I had to recognize that I strive for perfection, but often not for the right reasons. As Michael Port says in the last episode interview, we should be aware if we are doing something for approval or for results. Reading Brené Brown’s book helped me to understand and become aware that: Perfectionism is not the same as striving to be our bestPerfectionism is different than self-improvement I'm all about both striving to be our best, and self-improvement. Yet, if we decide to be on the spotlight in order to reach more people, we have to let go of perfectionism. We have to have the courage to be imperfect. To be vulnerable. To dare greatly. Inspiration: It is not the critic who counts;not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles,or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;who strives valiantly;who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;but who does actually strive to do the deeds;who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions;who spends himself in a worthy cause;who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, andwho at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly,so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.Excerpt from the speech "Citizenship In A Republic"delivered by Theodore Roosevelt at the Sorbonne, in Paris, France on 23 April, 1910 [See Brené Brown's video where she recites this quote at 7mn 3sec, and much more :)] [leadplayer_vid id="54AEB32373360"] [Also click here for more info about the book Daring Greatly.] This is my story of my own struggle with perfection and imperfection. How About YOU! Do you resonate with this struggle? Do you fight with perfectionism too? Are you your worst critic? Love to hear your experiences. It's so easy to let perfectionism stop us from making a difference and play small instead of playing big.

During this episode, I interviewed my mentor Michael Port about the Think BIG MindSet. Michael Port has been called an "uncommonly honest author" by the Boston Globe, and a "marketing guru" by The Wall Street Journal. He has written 5 bestselling books including Book Yourself Solid, Beyond Booked Solid, The Contrarian Effect, the New York Times Bestseller, The Think Big Manifesto, and Book Yourself Solid Illustrated Edition. He is also known as “The guy to call when you are tired of thinking small." In fact, everything he does is inspired by thinking big about who you are and what you offer the world. Thus Michael is the ideal person to speak about this topic. In this interview we speak about: How to become aware if we are thinking small or thinking big, and if we are going for approval or resultsNon-geeky approaches to Social Media and MarketingTypes of balance that go beyond life and workHow to make the Mindset shift to start to play bigThe concept that all the world is a stageHow to claim who we want to becomeDifferent roles we play in our livesPerfectionismHow to plan the New Year Links referred to: http://heroicpublicspeaking.com/live http://michaelport.com Please rate and especially write a review in iTunes.

The idea behind this podcast is that our mindsets determine the way we see the world. And, because it’s so easy to stay stuck in Fixed Mindsets, that prevents us from learning new things, it’s vital to intentionally cultivate Growth Mindsets. These concepts of Fixed and Growth Mindsets are based on the work of Carol Dweck, a Stanford University psychologist. In her book–Mindset: The New Psychology of Success–she describes decades of research about why people succeed or fail, and how the Fixed and Growth Mindsets play a role in this process. Dr. Dweck's 10-minute TED Talk, “The Power Of Believing That You Can Improve”, gives a powerful introduction to these concepts. One of my favorite golden nuggets from her presentation is how she explains the Power of YET. She begins by describing research studies about how 10-year-old children coped with learning challenges. In her own words: So I gave 10-year-olds problems that were slightly too hard for them. Some of them reacted in a shockingly positive way. They said things like, "I love a challenge," or, "You know, I was hoping this would be informative." They understood that their abilities could be developed. They had what I call a growth mindset. But other students felt it was tragic, catastrophic. From their more fixed mindset perspective, their intelligence had been up for judgment and they failed. Instead of luxuriating in the power of yet, they were gripped in the tyranny of now." So what do they do next? I'll tell you what they do next. In one study, they told us they would probably cheat the next time instead of studying more if they failed a test. In another study, after a failure, they looked for someone who did worse than they did so they could feel really good about themselves. And in study after study, they have run from difficulty. Scientists measured the electrical activity from the brain as students confronted an error. On the left, you see the fixed mindset students. There's hardly any activity. They run from the error. They don't engage with it. But on the right, you have the students with the growth mindset, the idea that abilities can be developed. They engage deeply. Their brain is on fire with yet. They engage deeply. They process the error. They learn from it and they correct it." Let’s think about these studies for a moment. Research shows us that when a child has a Fixed Mindset as regards their skills and abilities they run away from challenges, they even go as far as to cheat, and compare themselves with children who do worse than they do. If they have a Growth Mindset, they see difficulties as a challenge to overcome, to learn from. Their brain fires up, and they engage. These same principles apply to adults as well. Think about the implications of these principles for our personal and professional lives. If we are locked into a Fixed Mindset, we are gripped in the tyranny of now. If we challenge ourselves with a Growth Mindset, we can luxuriate in the Power of YET. So, how can we cultivate a Growth Mindset in our lives? Here are some clues from Dr. Dweck: First of all, we can praise wisely, not praising intelligence or talent. That has failed. Don't do that anymore. But praising the process that kids engage in: their effort, their strategies, their focus, their perseverance, their improvement. This process praise creates kids who are hardy and resilient. There are other ways to reward yet. We recently teamed up with game scientists from the University of Washington to create a new online math game that rewarded yet. In this game, students were rewarded for effort, strategy and progress. The usual math game rewards you for getting answers right right now, but this game rewarded process. And we got more effort, more strategies, more engagement over longer periods of time, and more perseverance when they hit really, really hard problems. Just the words "yet" or "not yet," we're finding, give kids greater confidence, give them a path into the future that creates greater persistence. And we can actually change students' mindsets. In one study, we taught them that every time they push out of their comfort zone to learn something new and difficult, the neurons in their brain can form new, stronger connections, and over time they can get smarter.” How can we apply this to ourselves? For instance, as a service provider, I can focus on developing my resilience to failure. [Listen to episode 3 of this podcast series to learn more about "Failure and The Way to Success".] When I face a challenge, or even a failure, I can tell myself that “I have not learn how to do this YET." Think about the possibilities. Every time you hear a voice saying “You are not______." Add YET: “I am not ______ YET." Feel the Power of YET and see the possibilities that open in front of you when you cultivate a Growth Mindset. Love to hear your comments and learn about your experiences. Dr. Dweck TED Talk: [leadplayer_vid id="549B108726017"]

I had a thought provoking conversation with Sarah Thompson, a financial expert, on how to overcome the fear of running out of money. I invited Sarah, because she has a well of experiences, from working on the corporate world, to her own personal struggles with debt, finances, and success. Now she brings it all together in her own coaching and consulting business - MoreMoneyMentoring.com. Love to hear your comments about this conversation. Others links: Mindset.Zone/8 - Episode 008: React or Create – Your Choice Mindset.Zone/6 - Episode 006: Blind Spots – We All Have Them Mindset.Zone/4 - Episode 004: Growth Mindset – Yes, We Can Learn It Thank you for the iTunes Reviews! Food4BonesEmpowered PurposeRamona V.Vered K.DrddlDenice WhiteleyHolly CrumpJoshco0752John Murphy (Ireland)TBSolutionsDonDBook Yourself Solid Jason (Canada)KarrenGarrityPoetinprogressWatcha33The Healthy EntrepreneurMalaMonkeyHeather*02Matt McWilliamsLifeForce SolutionsAdrienne Olso Your reviews encourage us and help others find this podcast! Please rate and especially write a review for us in iTunes.

If you are trying to make a difference – with whatever you are doing at this moment in your life – do you see age as an advantage or a disadvantage? Today, in our western society, a common belief is that as we age, our opportunities to make a difference diminish. Often we rationalize our inertia. We feel we are too old to make a deep impact in the world. We want to make a difference, but can we really make it happen? We listen to the amazing stories of Steve Jobs or Bill Gates. They started working in their garages as teenagers and changed the way we live, with companies they founded before they reached their thirties. If we are over thirty, it’s easy to think that we missed our chance. Many of us still keep trying to make a difference – yet, we “shrink" our goals, because we think that it’s too late to aim higher. It’s so easy to accept this fixed mindset that justifies not thinking big. Even worse, we give up, we surrender to regret. This is a common trend: "As we age and we start to see this disconnect between what we aspire to be, and what we aspire to do, and what we're accomplishing, and what we were told we can't accomplish, regret builds, picking up in the late forties. There is that pressure, and human nature says that we have to look for a way to relieve that pressure. So we look for a source of information that tells us that we really can’t accomplish. We go back to that idea that society presents that it’s the young that matter. To relive that pressure, to give up, we find those sources of information. In fact we give up, that relieves the pressure, regret goes away, we lose our opportunity, we lose our drive."- Jonathan Sackner-Bernstein’s TEDx Talk However, if we look at the facts, they can surprise us. For instance: Nobel Prize winners of the last decades are in their mid-to-upper fortiesA significant number of founders of successful companies are in their forties or fifties And, if you keep looking, you will find many examples of people that make a huge difference at an even later age. Instead of seeing age as a sign of decline and narrowing opportunities, why not to challenge yourself to see age as an opportunity to ramp up our efforts, stretch ourselves, expand our abilities, and make a deep difference in this world. [Tweet "Age is an opportunity to ramp up our efforts, stretch ourselves, expand our abilities, and make a deep difference in this world"] It’s our choice. We can start to talk back to our fixed mindset voice, and start to take growth mindset actions. Begin by seeing the full TEDx Talk from Jonathan Sackner-Bernstein. Here is another snippet: “Age is an advantage. Those of us who are over thirty-five, over forty, even over fifty, are the people who can make a difference, who have the skills to make the difference, who must step up to make the difference."- Jonathan Sackner-Bernstein’s TEDx Talk [leadplayer_vid id="548A853C9D7D2"] Note: I became aware of this TEDx Talk via Seth Godin's Blog - I really recommend that you subscribe to it.

Take a minute to do this awareness exercise: Look around the room and count how many red objects you see. Write that number down. Now that you know how many red objects you saw, do you have any idea how many blue objects were there? If you are like most of us, you didn’t notice the blue objects. So look around one more time and count the blue objects around you. Quite amazing! It’s similar to when we buy a new car and suddenly we are more aware of a particular brand or color. If our mind is focused on one thing, we often will see more of it around us. Think about this. Is your mind more focused on negative or positive emotions? As I mentioned in Episode 8, it’s difficult to ignore the negative. Negativity screams at us. When we bite a really hot chile pepper – we feel it! Positive emotions are like eating a comfort food. We enjoy it, but we are not always fully aware of that positive feeling. It’s more difficult to focus on positive emotions. Our body is wired to notice the negative, and we have to train ourselves to counteract this tendency. Sonja Lyubomirsky, in her book, The How of Happiness, explains that our well-being is determined by: - 50% – a genetic set point - 10% – life circumstances - 40% – intentional activity (what we think and what we do) This is essential to keep in mind – scientific research shows that 40% of what determines our well-being has to do with our mindset – what we think and do daily. This means that we can train ourselves to see more positivity around us. We can train ourselves to focus on what bring us: Joy | Gratitude | Serenity | Interest | Hope | Pride | Amusement | Inspiration | Awe | Love This reminds of the old story, adapted by the Positive Psychology researcher and author, Barbara Fredrickson: One evening, an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people.He said:- My son, the battle is between two “wolves” inside us all.One is Negativity. It’s anger, sadness, stress, contempt, disgust, fear, embarrassment, guilt, shame and hate.The other is Positivity. It’s joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspirations, awe, and above all, love.The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:- Which wolf wins?The old Cherokee simply replied:- The one you feed. Everyday, every moment we have to decide what wolf to feed – negativity or positivity. [Tweet "Everyday, every moment we have to decide what wolf to feed."] Think of the possibilities.

Why do we spend so long to decide about a name? The name of our children, the name of our pets, the name of our business. I spent a long time thinking about how to name this podcast. If you followed me from the inception of this show, you know that I started as the "Self-Employed Professional Making a Difference” Podcast. Yet, I decided to rebrand it as the Mindset Zone. I explained my reasoning in the new reloaded Episode 1 (click here to listen it). I now understand better some Native American Traditions on naming. From a Western perspective, we see a name as something we are given at birth, and will remain forever– just as the brand that the cowboys used to burn on their cattle - it cannot be changed. Within some Native American Traditions: names usually change over an individual’s lifetime to reflect milestones, accomplishments, and actions. * Since one of the goals I had for this podcast was to expand our possibilities - why not rename it as the MindSet Zone. My invitation to you is: "Unlock possibilities by changing your mindsets. You will expand what's possible - for you, for the ones around you, for the world. You're moving into a land of both blind spots and learning, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into the MindSet Zone." [Tweet "Unlock possibilities by changing your mindsets."]

Most people agree how important it is to be grateful. Research in Psychology also supports the power of gratitude. In her book–The How of Happiness–Sonja Lyubomirsky, dedicates a full chapter to this topic. She uses a definition from a world’s leading expert on gratitude–Robert Emmons:  Gratitude is “a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for life." [Tweet "Gratitude is a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for life. - R. Emmons"] In her book, she shares the multiple benefits that Positive Psychology Research supports. To practice and express gratitude to yourself and others: - Promotes the savoring of positive life experiences - Boosts self-esteem - Helps cope with stress - Inspires kind and caring behavior - Helps build social bonds, and strengthen relationships - Counteracts the effects of negative emotions How does this apply to Self-Employed Professionals? Most Self-Employed Professionals who want to make a difference in others lives recognize the power of gratitude. Yet, many don't know how to cultivate this as an habit in their daily lives. As we refer to in Episode 8 of this podcast, it’s easier to focus on the negative emotions–they are strong and designed to capture our attention. While we are stuck on a negative reactivity cycle it’s difficult to be grateful. I suggest that you try the following simple exercise as suggested in the book The How of Happiness: 1. Start by picking a specific time to do this exercise (before going to bed works great for me, some people love to do this first thing in the morning) 2. Think about 3 to 5 things for which you are grateful.  Be specific, and focus on unique experiences that happened recently. They can be mundane happenings – for instance, “I enjoy the smell and taste of the coffee this morning.”, ”It was nice to receive that email thanking me for…”). Or they can be extraordinary – for instance, “I was there when my child gave her first step by herself.”, “So happy to see my niece graduate from high school." 3. Write these 3 to 5 items in your journal or even as a note in your calendar 4. Do this activity for a week and experience the effects. Maybe you will be positively surprised with some of the results of this practice. 5. After the first week, adapt this activity as seems fit for you. Some people decide just to write one thing they are grateful for on their calendar. Others journal about  experiences they are grateful for once a week. Others, continue to write 3 to 5 things a day. Whatever works for you. And read The How of Happiness book if you are looking for more ideas on how to cultivate positivity in your live. Love to hear you comments and learn about your experiences.

Think about a time when you lost your car keys, and you are already running late. You know that they have to be somewhere in your house, and you almost sure that you left them in the kitchen, but you can't see them anywhere. You feel the stress build and know that doesn’t help, but it’s seems impossible to stop all your negative thoughts and emotions. Negative emotions are very strong and our body is wired for a quick response to negativity. This happens because negative emotions have a survival value. Think about our ancestors, tens of thousands years ago somewhere in the African continent. If they saw a lion they had to react fast. This response saved their lives. Nowadays, we don’t have to run away from lions. However, if we cross the road, and see a car coming fast, we are thankful that we are wired to react and move away just in time to not be hurt. Negative emotions can be good. They can save our lives. They can signal danger. The problem is not negative emotions–the problem is that we stay stuck on them. Think about driving a car. When we touch the accelerator we want to feel something happen. Our nervous system is wired to quickly activate us for a fight or flight response. It’s as if we have a sports car accelerator within us. Small touch–big reaction. Thankfully, we also have a brake system. We are also wired to relax. This system slows us down like the brakes of an old car– it takes time. The challenge that many of us face is that we stay stuck with our feet on the accelerator - even after the danger is over. It’s difficult to release the accelerator and start to activate the brakes. In other words, we cannot avoid negative emotions and sometimes they be life savers.The problem is staying stuck in the negativity. [Tweet "The problem is staying stuck in the negativity"] It’s also true, that some people tend to stay stuck more than others. For some people it’s easy to become like a mouse on the treadmill–running, and running, and not going anywhere. Putting fires out all day long. Feeling stress and anxiety. This is a reactive mode, and it’s so easy to stay stuck there. Other people are more like cats. They can relax easily after running very fast. They enjoy the adrenaline and they know how to enjoy the rest time too. The tendency to be more like a mouse or a cat, has a lot to do with our genes. Positive Psychology research shows that our general well being is determined: 50% by a genetic set point10% by life circumstances40% by intentional activity, what we do and what we think This 40% is the silver lining. We can learn to become more like cats. Think about this quote that Stephen Covey attributes to Viktor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response there is a space.In that space is our power to choose our response.In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” I love this quote because, we usually see a stimulus as something that activates a response almost automatically. There Frankl sees a space. A brief space where we have the power to choose our response. A brief space where we can learn to be creators of our lives and not just be reactors. Try this: Write the word “reactivity.” Move that “c” to the beginning of the word. What word do you read now? Quite amazing! Small changes can produce big changes. Some of us have to work harder than others to slow down and to stop reactivity cycle. Yet, we can learn to relax and create a more intentional outcome. If you fell like the mouse on the wheel, it's wonderful to realize that you can learn to be more like a cat. [Tweet "We can learn to become more like cats"] Think about the possibilities, and how this helps you to make a bigger difference as a self-employed professional. Love to read your comments :) Links: About Viktor Frankl - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viktor_Frankl Previous episode where I spoke about Viktor Frankl - https://anamelikian.com/7