Waking Up to Narcissism

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by intense emotions in a relationship, struggling to understand why your reactions seem out of your control? Especially if you, and most people in your life, view you as kind and caring rather than reactive and angry. Chances are that you’ve experienced the “amygdala hijack,” a survival technique that often seems to come out of nowhere but can be especially harmful in relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature people, as they often are the ones causing your brain to scream “fight, or flight!” Today, host Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives deep into the phenomenon of the amygdala hijack, particularly in the context of relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature individuals. This episode unravels the intricate workings of the brain under emotional stress, focusing on how the amygdala, our emotional control center, can take over rational thinking. Tony discusses the critical role of primary and secondary emotions in triggering the body's stress response, highlighting the release of cortisol and its impact on our mental and physical health. The episode is a journey through the neuroscience of emotional processing, offering valuable insights into recognizing and managing the complex emotions that arise in challenging relationships.Tony brings to light the profound effects of prolonged emotional trauma, referencing the poignant phrase, "The body keeps score." The conversation delves into the risks associated with chronic stress and the development of conditions like Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) due to long-term exposure to narcissistic abuse. The episode is an exploration and a guide, providing practical strategies such as EMDR, talk therapy, mindfulness, and meditation to manage the overwhelming waves of amygdala hijack. It emphasizes the importance of professional support and the journey towards healing and understanding our emotional responses. Concluding with a message of compassion and self-reflection, this episode is a beacon of hope and resilience, encouraging listeners to take actionable steps toward recovery and emotional self-awareness in the face of the challenges of emotionally charged relationships.Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchPlease follow Tony’s new Waking Up to Narcissism Instagram account here https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

In installment 6 of the "Death by a Thousand Cuts" series - "The Camouflaged Wounds - Seeing the Unseen," Tony Overbay, LMFT, addresses the complex issue of covert abuse in relationships, often described metaphorically as 'Death by a Thousand Cuts'. Tony explores how small, often overlooked actions can accumulate significant emotional distress. The episode challenges listeners to recognize the subtle signs of an unhealthy relationship, where one's sense of self is slowly chipped away by a partner's emotionally immature or narcissistic behavior.In a more light-hearted tone, reflecting on the appeal of choose-your-own-adventure books, Tony uses humor as a therapeutic tool to guide listeners through the maze of such relationships. The discussion covers different forms of covert abuse, including psychological, emotional, and financial, offering real-life scenarios that illustrate the cumulative effect of these behaviors. Through candid storytelling, Tony aims to empower listeners to identify damaging patterns, engage in honest self-reflection, and take steps toward healing and healthier relationships. The episode serves as a practical guide for personal growth and encourages a deeper conversation about maintaining emotional well-being in the face of covert narcissistic abuse.Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchPlease follow Tony’s new Waking Up to Narcissism Instagram account here https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Tony talks with Lori Finlay, a nurse practitioner, board-certified health coach, and health expert with a unique background in cardiology and wellness medicine. Lori opens up about her personal struggles with chronic fatigue and premature menopause and how she took control of her health journey through the study of epigenetics. As she weaves her narrative, she touches on her frustrations with inadequate medical treatment and the critical importance of functional medicine. Utilizing the analogy of a piano, Lori illustrates how epigenetics—the top layer of our genetic wiring influenced by lifestyle—can be expressed differently, giving us control over our own wellness in a profound way.Lori expands the discussion to encompass a wide range of symptoms and experiences that many may encounter while grappling with life's challenges—from trauma and stress to divorce and betrayal. She delves into how stress hormones can even mimic symptoms of a heart attack and provides actionable advice for self-care routines to raise one’s physical and emotional baseline. Special focus is given to women's health, specifically the link between emotional stress and hormone imbalance and its relation to breast cancer. Lori suggests mindfulness exercises and practical biohacks, such as the simple yet effective use of clove and lime oils on the vagus nerve, to manage stress and improve overall well-being.Wrapping up, Lori shifts the spotlight to the urgent need for awareness and education, not just in women's breast health but also in men's health. She shares her insights on cutting-edge, holistic approaches to breast health and the relevance of early detection methods like the Dutch hormone test. The conversation even extends to the potential benefits of energy medicine and mindfulness in holistic healing. Listeners are left not only with an arsenal of information but also an invitation to Lori’s free breast health awareness webinar, making this episode an invaluable resource for anyone looking to take control of their health. You can take Lori’s free “Hormone Symptom Quiz here https://pages.lorifinlay.com/hormone-quiz and find out more about Lori and how she can help you “create the vitality you crave,” at https://lorifinlay.com/Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchPlease follow Tony’s new Waking Up to Narcissism Instagram account here https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Have you ever wondered how your perception shapes your relationships and what happens when it clashes with someone else's? In Episode 93 of the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast, host Tony Overbay cracks open this intricate topic by differentiating between 'perception' and 'perspective.' Not just a play on words, these two concepts wield significant power over your emotional and relational health. Tony unpacks how recognizing this distinction can be a game-changer, especially when dealing with emotionally immature or narcissistic individuals. Listen for real-life examples, including a compelling listener letter that illuminates the struggles of dealing with a partner who insists 'perception is reality’ and that they are the ultimate deliverer of truth or final say on what YOU think or feel. Tony dives deep into the transformative journey from codependence to interdependence. Through the heartwarming narrative of Sandra and Jason, discover how differentiation—the practice of developing separate thoughts, feelings, and identities while remaining emotionally connected—can serve as your secret weapon in any relationship. From setting boundaries to navigating manipulative tactics like the silent treatment, this episode gives you the tools to protect your emotional well-being while fostering genuine connection. Whether you're puzzled by your partner's narcissism or striving for a more interdependent relationship, Tony lays the roadmap for emotional growth and relational harmony.Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchPlease follow Tony’s new Waking Up to Narcissism Instagram account here https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Have you ever felt like someone is rewriting history, leaving you questioning your memory and sanity? What if there was a psychological explanation for this behavior? In today's episode, Tony revisits the concept of confabulation. Confabulation is a psychological mechanism where people create false memories or stories, often to fill gaps in their history or to avoid facing uncomfortable truths. We'll examine how this behavior is common among emotionally immature individuals and those with narcissistic tendencies. We'll also share real-life examples to help you recognize confabulation when it happens.Additionally, we'll discuss the principle of differentiation, which can help you separate your thoughts and feelings from those of emotionally immature individuals. This can be a valuable tool for personal growth and navigating complex relationships. If you've ever felt confused or gaslighted in interactions with someone and wondered why their story keeps changing, this episode aims to provide clarity and coping strategies.Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAnd follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Tony welcomes his daughter Mackie, host of "The Mind, the Mirror and Me" podcast, via this special bonus episode to talk about the important role that solitude can play in raising one's emotional baseline. Follow Mackie at https://www.instagram.com/beautybymackie/ or Tony's new "Waking Up to Narcissism" Instagram account at https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ or his regular account at https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/ and you can subscribe to the podcast on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/5wchHyGlddGo7fAHVsZgRe?si=cb634082a4aa482a or Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mind-the-mirror-me/id1701226687 or wherever you listen to podcasts. Here are the original show notes from the episode from "The Mind, the Mirror and Me." In this episode, hosts Mackie Overbay and Tony Overbay, LMFT, explore the distinction between loneliness and solitude. Loneliness often brings discomfort and isolation, while solitude is a positive choice, offering comfort and contentment in one's own company.This episode encourages embracing emotions and focusing on self-compassion. While loneliness can be challenging, it's a common human experience. Practical tips are discussed, from letting the mind wander to practicing "catching and releasing " thoughts and emotions. The importance of solo activities and finding joy independently is highlighted.Ultimately, the episode reminds listeners that solitude is transformative, promoting self-reflection, stability, and mindfulness. Individuals can courageously navigate loneliness by appreciating solitude, leading to positive changes. The journey to self-love and growth begins with embracing moments of solitude and realizing we are never truly alone.

In today’s episode of "Waking Up to Narcissism," Tony Overbay, LMFT, examines relationships affected by narcissism and emotional immaturity. A listener shares a story about their partner's over-the-top reactions, including a helicopter rescue on a hike. The conversation then shifts to characteristics of healthy relationships and the pitfalls of dealing with emotionally immature partners. Another listener's letter prompts a promise to dive deeper into the challenges faced when partnered with a narcissist.The episode also references an article, "10 Things to Never Settle for in Relationships," by Bruce Y. Lee, MD, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-funny-bone-to-pick/202207/10-things-you-shouldnt-settle-for-in-relationships highlighting the dangers of settling and the critical role of mutual respect. Tony uses the “frog in a boiling pot of water” analogy for hopefully the last time in existence to explain how relationships can decline without notice. This episode underscores the importance of respect, open communication, and boundaries in maintaining a healthy relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally immature individual, group, or entity.The ice bath that Tony mentioned in today's episode is from "The Ice Pod" company - you can find it here https://snwbl.io/pod-company/ANTHONY78737Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchGo to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Explore the difference between forgiveness and acceptance in relationships with narcissists. Learn about the importance of emotional maturity and personal accountability. Discover the benefits of acknowledging your role and embracing discomfort for personal growth. Understand how childhood experiences shape adult behaviors. Learn about the power of mindfulness and meditation for emotional control. Explore the transformative role of acceptance and mindfulness for emotional well-being. Discover actionable steps for improving emotional patterns through mindfulness and acceptance.

Tony explores the Dunning-Kruger effect—a cognitive bias where individuals misjudge their abilities—and its interplay with emotional immaturity and narcissism. Starting with a humorous take on a narcissist, an emotionally immature person, and a "nice guy" in a bar, Tony delves into the complex landscape of self-awareness and interpersonal dynamics. Through the lens of real-life workplace examples and the evocative "Man in a Hole" metaphor, the episode underscores the importance of recognizing personal boundaries and fostering empathy. Drawing inspiration from Murray Bowen's differentiation theory, listeners are encouraged to embrace their vulnerabilities and embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery and growth. This episode is a thought-provoking dive into human behaviors, relationships, and the power of genuine self-reflection.Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchGo to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

In this episode, we delve deep into understanding what it truly means to be differentiated, especially when navigating relationships with emotionally immature or narcissistic individuals. Through the lens of Amelia's personal journey with Mark, we unravel the subtle nuances of emotional manipulation and the transformative power of self-awareness. Drawing parallels with the differentiation concept, we explore how emotions and rationale are the yin and yang of our psyche, each holding its unique place in striking a balance. The contrasting tales of Mark and Lisa's marital dynamics further spotlight how the practice (or absence) of differentiation can profoundly shape relationship outcomes.As the narrative unfolds, we shine a light on the hazards of enmeshment and the intricate power dynamics at play with emotionally immature individuals. Recognizing and practicing differentiation emerges as a beacon, guiding us toward genuine self-awareness. Grounding oneself in personal truth, valuing emotions without being dominated by them, and setting unwavering boundaries are depicted as essential practices to preserve emotional well-being. Whether you've tangled with the complexities of challenging relationships or sought to deepen your understanding of the delicate balance between heart and mind, this episode offers a blend of clarity, introspection, and empowerment. Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchGo to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ