Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Lindsey Cormack, author of How to Raise a Citizen, joins us to discuss the importance of teaching teens about civics and political engagement, and provides actionable strategies for parents to help their kids become informed and empowered citizens.Full Show NotesIn today's hyper-polarized world, talking about politics can seem more like navigating a minefield than having a meaningful conversation. As parents, we often shy away from these discussions to avoid conflict. However, if we want to raise teens who understand their power as citizens and feel confident engaging with political issues, it's imperative that we find ways to bring these topics into our homes.Our guest today, Lindsey Cormack, is here to help us do just that. Lindsey is a professor of political science who has conducted extensive research on how civics is taught across the United States. She's the author of the new book, How to Raise a Citizen and Why It's Up to You to Do It. Lindsey shares her wealth of knowledge on the subject, revealing why so many young people are left in the dark about our political system and what we can do about it.Lindsey's research shows that civics education in schools is often inconsistent and inadequate, with a general trend of decreasing emphasis over time. With many students only receiving a brief overview in their senior year of high school and varying state delivery methods, it’s no wonder teens feel unprepared. Additionally, political conversations in classrooms have become fraught, with teachers fearing backlash from parents over anything perceived as too political.But politics doesn't have to be controversial or divisive. Lindsey suggests that instead of relying on schools, parents can take an active role in encouraging their kids to engage with politics. This can be as simple as having regular conversations about current events, exploring the importance of local government, and recognizing the impact of political decisions on their daily lives. Lindsay recommends starting by discussing things your kids are already noticing in your community and taking these observations to your local representatives.Understanding and Experiencing GovernmentThe episode delves into the disconnect between what is taught in schools and the political engagement colleges look for in applicants. Lindsey emphasizes that parents can bridge this gap by teaching their teens about the levels of government and how each impacts their community directly.To demystify government for our kids, Lindsey suggests getting involved in local community boards or even setting up meetings with local officials. Through real-world experiences, teens can learn about civic engagement and understand the role they play in shaping their community.Action Civics: Learning by DoingLindsey argues for the importance of "action civics"–projects where teens identify issues in their communities, research solutions, and learn the process of effecting change. This hands-on approach to civics can help kids see themselves as participants rather than spectators in the political process. From advocating for school policy changes to organizing clean-up projects, these activities empower students and teach them valuable skills.Cultivating Healthy Political DialogueIn an era where political conversation often means confrontation, Lindsey offers practical advice for parents on how to facilitate respectful and productive political discussions at home. She provides a framework with specific questions to guide these conversations in a non-combative manner, seeking to understand rather than to win an argument. Lindsey also notes the value of petitioning and discusses how even younger teens can organize and influence their schools and neighborhoods with petitions on issues they care about.In the Episode...My conversation with Lindsey was incredibly insightful. Beyond the main topics discussed above, we also dive into:Why teaching to the test has squeezed out civics education.The importance of understanding federalism and different levels of government.Practical steps parents can take to introduce their teens to active citizenship.Why reviewing sample ballots before elections can empower first-time voters.Strategies to help teens have respectful political debates and discussions.If you enjoyed listening, you can find more from Lindsey at howtoraiseacitizen.com, lindseycormack.com, or on Instagram @howtoraiseacitizen. Don’t forget to share and subscribe, and we’ll see you next week!

Welcome to Episode 300! For this week’s episode, we’re sharing some of our clips from our favorite episodes. This is material previously reserved for members, but we liked it so much we want to share it with everyone. Thank you to all our listeners for sticking with us over the past six-plus years! We are grateful for your support and look forward to the next hundred episodes!! 

Patricia Roos, author of Surviving Alex, explores the complexities of addiction, advocating for a shift from punitive measures to a public health approach and sharing deeply personal insights from her son's battle with substance use disorder and eventual overdose.Full Show NotesAddiction is a complex and often misunderstood issue, frequently discussed in simplified terms that do little justice to those who struggle with it and their families. Many hold onto unhelpful myths about addiction, focusing on perceived moral failings or simplistic disease models. But what if these views miss the broader picture? What if we could better understand the root causes and contexts surrounding addiction, ultimately providing more effective support and interventions?In this episode, we delve into the intricate dynamics of substance use and addiction, highlighting not just drug addiction but also related behaviors like anorexia, bulimia, and self-harm. We uncover how these issues are often deeply intertwined with individual psychology and broader societal factors.Our guest today is Patricia Roos, Professor Emerita of Sociology at Rutgers University and author of Surviving Alex: A Mother's Story of Love Loss and Addiction. Patricia’s personal connection to this issue, through her son's battle with substance use disorder and his eventual overdose, lends a poignant and compelling perspective to her scholarly insights.Understanding Addiction Beyond MythsPatricia argues that prevailing models of addiction—the moral model and the disease model—fail to capture the full scope of this issue. She points out that a purely individualistic approach overlooks the critical role of societal and contextual factors. Instead, she proposes a more nuanced understanding that considers how context shapes individual choices. This shift in perspective opens up new avenues for addressing addiction in more empathetic and effective ways.The Hidden Battles With Anxiety and ControlIn recounting her son Alex's journey, Patricia reveals how his struggles began in adolescence with anorexia and later evolved into substance use. She emphasizes that these behaviors were coping mechanisms for underlying anxiety and a relentless drive for perfection—a theme that resonates with many adolescents today. Patricia offers insights into how parents might spot early warning signs of such struggles, encouraging a compassionate and proactive approach.The Role of Treatment and Societal StigmaPatricia sheds light on the stigmas associated with addiction within the medical community and the criminal justice system. She shares her advocacy for a paradigm shift towards treating addiction as a public health issue rather than a criminal offense. This change, she argues, could reduce the damaging impact of stigma and open up more supportive and effective treatment options.Patient Trafficking and the Rehab SystemIn a particularly eye-opening segment, Patricia discusses the concept of patient trafficking within rehab systems, especially in areas like Florida. She describes how some rehab centers exploit patients for financial gain, pushing them into cycles of relapse and readmission without providing genuine support. This exploitation exemplifies the need for systemic change in how we handle addiction treatment, ensuring it is truly geared towards recovery.In the Episode...- How societal stigma and punitive measures exacerbate addiction.- The connection between early anxiety, mental health issues, and later substance use.- The need for a public health approach to replace the current criminal justice focus.- The shady practices of patient trafficking within the rehab system and the importance of ethical treatment options.Join us for a compelling discussion that seeks to unravel the complexities of addiction and offers a call to action for more compassionate and effective responses. Listen now to understand the broader contexts of addiction, equip yourself with knowledge to support your teen, and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more insightful episodes.

Scott H. Young, author of Get Better at Anything, joins us to demystify the true essence of learning, improvement, and mastery, shedding light on how parents can guide their teens to excel both academically and personally.Full Show NotesParents face the continual challenge of helping their teens become proficient learners. With teens constantly navigating the realms of academics, sports, and personal interests, understanding how they can master new skills is invaluable. So how can we, as parents, support our teens in their quest for mastery—whether it's in school subjects, sports, or their personal hobbies?This week we have the privilege of speaking with Scott H. Young, author of Get Better at Anything. Scott is an expert in the domains of learning and mastery, best known for his pioneering research and practical guides on how individuals can achieve excellence in various life fields. With a background deeply intertwined with education due to his parents being teachers, Scott’s insights are grounded in both personal and professional realms.In this episode, we uncover effective strategies to help teens become better learners and improve their skills more efficiently. Scott shares fascinating insights about retrieval practice—a method that solidifies memory retention better than repeated exposure. While traditional beliefs suggest problem-solving without guidance builds deep understanding, Scott reveals how observing and emulating can often yield better results.Mastery Through ExamplesFor Scott, learning isn’t just about trial and error; it’s about studying examples and getting comprehensive practice. The perfect balance involves ‘See, Do, and Feedback’—a cycle that ensures effective learning. Scott also touches on cognitive load theory, explaining how our limited working memory plays a role in learning and offers practical advice for leveraging this understanding to aid teens in their academic endeavors.Failing ForwardFacing challenges is essential for growth, but Scott emphasizes the need to strike a balance between challenges and successes. Early failure without appropriate support can demotivate teens. Instead, Scott advocates for building confidence through small wins before presenting more complex challenges. This method not only helps teens stay motivated but also prepares them to handle tougher problems with resilience.Creating Practice LoopsA significant part of Scott’s methodology is designing practice loops. Ensuring that teens get enough variability in their practice sessions is crucial for long-term retention and generalization of skills. Rather than sticking to blocked practice where the focus is on one type of problem, Scott encourages mixed approaches to help teens become flexible and adept problem solvers in various contexts.Fear and LearningFear is another major obstacle in the learning process. Whether it's test anxiety or fear of public speaking, these emotions take up cognitive resources that could be better used for problem-solving. Scott discusses exposure therapy as a way to help teens gradually face their fears, thereby reducing their anxiety over time. He underscores that persistent effort in overcoming fears is key to long-term mastery and success.In the Episode…Our conversation with Scott yields numerous actionable strategies that can be beneficial for parents looking to boost their teens' learning potential. Beyond the highlights mentioned above, we also delve into:- Why early assessment in classrooms can be demotivating and how mastery learning can help.- The importance of creativity and productivity in achieving mastery.- Strategies for unlearning bad habits and adopting better techniques.- Real-world examples of how small adjustments in teaching techniques can lead to big improvements.For those interested in diving deeper, you can explore more of Scott’s insights at scotthyoung.com where you can also find his books and podcast. Tune into this episode to learn how to foster an environment conducive to mastering new skills and to encourage your teens to reach their full potential. Don't forget to share, subscribe, and review so more parents can benefit from these insights!

Alex Edmans, author of May Contain Lies, delves into how confirmation bias and belief polarization skew our perceptions, offering tips for parents to help their teenagers navigate misinformation and think critically.Full Show NotesIn today's digital world, misinformation spreads faster than ever. Even as adults, we often find ourselves believing things that aren't true or are more nuanced than we think. The issue becomes even more critical when considering how we raise teenagers to be discerning and truth-seeking individuals.How do we guide teens to differentiate fact from fiction in a sea of misleading information? How can we teach them to critically evaluate the plethora of claims they encounter daily—whether in social media, news, or even school? The ability to critically question and analyze data is a vital skill, and it’s more crucial now than ever.To delve into the complexities of misinformation and how to tackle it, we're speaking with Alex Edmans, a professor of finance at London Business School. Alex's TED Talk, "What to Trust in a Post-Truth World," has resonated with millions, and his book, May Contain Lies, explores how biases impact our understanding and decision-making processes. With a keen focus on both finance and everyday life, Alex offers deep insights and practical advice on how to navigate a world filled with skewed information.Understanding Confirmation BiasConfirmation bias is a significant issue that affects how we process information. Alex highlights that we often accept information that aligns with our pre-existing beliefs uncritically, while scrutinizing information that contradicts our views. This is prevalent not just in finance and economics, Alex's fields of expertise, but also in everyday topics like parenting and healthcare.For instance, Alex describes how widely accepted recommendations like exclusive breastfeeding may not be as beneficial as we think. While these claims are backed by reputable sources like the World Health Organization, they may overlook other contributing factors like socio-economic status and family support systems. By critically examining the research and understanding its context, we can make more informed decisions and avoid unnecessary guilt.Tackling Black and White ThinkingAnother prevalent bias Alex addresses is black and white thinking, where we categorize things as entirely good or bad with no gray areas. This kind of thinking is aided by simple, extreme messages that go viral on social media but often lack nuance. Alex illustrates this with the example of the Atkins diet, which gained popularity for its extreme stance on carbohydrates, even though it oversimplifies the role of carbs in a balanced diet.For parents, understanding and combating these biases can help in guiding teenagers to see beyond black and white categorizations. Encouraging them to reason through their beliefs and understand the nuances can foster more critical and balanced thinking.Solutions: The Ladder of MisargumentTo help teenagers and parents alike navigate misinformation, Alex introduces the "Ladder of Misargument," a framework that breaks down common types of misinformation into four categories:A statement is not a fact: Understand the context and accuracy of the information.Facts are not data: Ensure the facts are representative and not isolated.Data is not evidence: Look for causation, not just correlation.Evidence is not proof: Recognize that evidence may not be universal or applicable in all contexts.Creating a Culture of Inquiry and DialogueEncouraging skeptical thinking in teenagers isn't just about teaching them to question authority but creating a culture where it's safe to ask questions and express doubts. Alex discusses how a high-power hierarchy can stifle honest communication and the flow of ideas. By reducing hierarchical barriers and fostering open dialogue, whether in families or workplaces, we can create environments where critical thinking thrives.Parents can also model this behavior by openly discussing their thought processes and demonstrating how to critically analyze information. Encouraging teenagers to explain their viewpoints in detail can help them see the limitations of their own understanding and foster a habit of thorough investigation.In the Episode…Alex shares a wealth of insights on how to cultivate critical thinking and avoid common pitfalls of misinformation. Tune in to learn about:How sports results can mysteriously affect the stock marketThe importance of asking detailed questions and listeningWays to foster healthy debate within familiesHow to identify and mitigate common biases in everyday decisionsIf you enjoyed this week’s episode, you can find more from Alex on his website, alexedmans.com, or follow him on LinkedIn under the username A Edmans. Don’t forget to share and subscribe, and we’ll see you next week!

Cara Fitzpatrick, author of The Death of Public School, joins us to discuss the history and implications of school choice in America. We delve into how school vouchers, charter schools, and education savings accounts redefine public education.Full Show NotesThe structure and definition of public education in America are changing rapidly. With more states adopting programs that allow parents to divert public funds to private and charter schools, the idea of what constitutes a public education is being fundamentally reexamined. These changes have far-reaching implications for our communities, teachers, and children.To explore this critical topic, we’re joined by Cara Fitzpatrick, editor at Chalkbeat and Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist. Cara’s deep dive into the origins and effects of school choice is encapsulated in her book, The Death of Public School. Her work offers a comprehensive look at how we've arrived at the current state of education and what it means for the future.Origins of School ChoiceCara traces the beginnings of school choice back to Florida, a significant testing ground for charter schools and voucher systems. The concept hinges on the principle that public money should follow the student, whether they attend a public, private, or charter school. This notion became particularly contentious with the introduction of education savings accounts, offering unprecedented flexibility in how public funds can be utilized for a student’s education.Navigating the Varieties of School ChoiceSchool choice programs can take various forms, such as school vouchers and charter schools. While charter schools operate with public funding but independent management, vouchers allow parents to use public money for private school tuition, including religious institutions. Cara breaks down these different models, highlighting the nuances and controversies associated with each.Historical Context and Its ImplicationsUnderstanding the history of public education helps contextualize today’s debates. From the vision of early American leaders like Thomas Jefferson to the contentious battles over school integration in the 1950s, Cara illustrates how the definition of public education has evolved. She emphasizes that this isn't just a new debate but a complex issue with roots in America's early history.Where Are We Now?School choice has grown significantly, with programs now available in over half of the states. However, this growth hasn’t come without challenges. Cara explains how the initial waves of school choice, such as those in the 1950s used to resist desegregation, differ significantly from today’s initiatives. She also addresses the legal battles that have shaped the current landscape, including key Supreme Court decisions that have supported the use of public funds for religious education under specific conditions.Future of Public EducationThe future of public education is uncertain but seemingly headed towards more choice and less traditional public schooling. As Cara discusses, the recent push towards universal programs – accessible to all students regardless of income or need – indicates a shift supported by current political and judicial climates. In the Episode…In our conversation with Cara, we explore various other topics, including:- The economic arguments for and against school choice- The potential for discrimination within choice programs- The role of competition in improving public schools- Historical and contemporary court rulings impacting school choice- Predicting the future landscape of American public educationCara’s deep research and thoughtful insights offer a balanced view on a complex issue. For a more detailed understanding, grab a copy of her book, The Death of Public School, and consider attending local school board meetings to stay engaged with how these changes might affect your community.For more thought-provoking conversations and expert insights, make sure to listen to this week’s episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens.

Kate Parker, author of Force of Nature, joins us to discuss how to cultivate teen activism and empower them to raise their voices about vital issues. We explore the impact of authenticity in photography, the importance of encouraging teens to speak out, and practical tips for capturing meaningful moments with your camera.Full Show NotesIn today’s digital age, teenagers are constantly bombarded with idealized images and messages on social media. Often, these images are meticulously curated and edited, setting unrealistic standards for beauty and success. For parents, this raises a crucial question: how can we help our teens rise above these false ideals and find their authentic voices?This week, we’re speaking with Kate Parker, a renowned photographer and author of several influential photo collections, including Strong is the New Pretty and her latest, Force of Nature. Kate’s work focuses on capturing the real, raw moments that highlight the true strength and beauty of young girls. By putting forward authentic and unpolished images, Kate encourages both teens and adults to embrace their genuine selves and to celebrate their unique voices.In our discussion, Kate shares the insightful journey behind her first book, inspired by her desire to present her daughters in a true and unfiltered light. The project started with personal portraits but grew into a celebrated movement as her authentic representations resonated globally. Kate’s book, Strong is the New Pretty, has been translated into multiple languages, proving that the message of unyielding authenticity transcends cultural boundaries.Fostering Teen ActivismOne key theme in Kate’s latest book, Force of Nature, is empowering teens to raise their voices and advocate for change in their communities. Divided into sections—Find Your Voice, Use Your Voice, Sustain Your Voice, and Amplify Your Voice—the book showcases young girls who have taken impactful actions, from writing op-eds to suing the government, to advocate for causes they believe in.Kate underscores the importance of parents actively encouraging their children to speak out. When kids come to us with complaints or concerns, we should nudge them toward advocacy by asking how they might change things and offering our support. Parents can play a crucial role in providing the initial push that helps teens realize their potential for making a difference.Capturing Real MomentsKate’s photography captures the essence of real experiences, whether it’s a girl fully immersed in her sport or kids engaging in community advocacy. To achieve this, she uses techniques that facilitate authentic expressions, like giving kids fun tasks or making them laugh naturally during a shoot. This approach not only makes for compelling images but also reinforces the idea that genuine, unfiltered moments are the most beautiful.Speaking on giving advice for at-home photography, Kate recommends avoiding posed and forced smiles. Instead, she suggests crafting moments that elicit genuine joy and interactions. She also shares technical tips, such as shooting during the golden hour or using natural light from windows, to elevate the quality of photos.Encouraging Passion and InclusivityThroughout the episode, Kate offers insights into how diverse backgrounds and experiences contribute to the rich tapestry of voices showcased in her books. Stories of girls who faced challenges—whether due to disabilities, societal norms, or personal adversities—highlight the resilience and ingenuity required to advocate for change. For parents, this serves as a potent reminder to foster an inclusive environment where every child feels valued and capable of making a difference.In the Episode…Our conversation with Kate Parker dives deep into multiple aspects of raising confident, outspoken teens. Here’s a glimpse of what we cover:- How to encourage teens to find and use their voices- The impact of authentic photography on self-esteem- Practical tips for capturing meaningful photos at home- Stories of girls making significant changes in their communities- The importance of passion and confidence in teensIf you’re looking to inspire your teen to become a proactive changemaker or want to improve your family photography skills, this episode is a goldmine of insights. For more from Kate Parker and to follow her ongoing work, visit her Instagram at @katetparker. Don’t forget to subscribe to our podcast for more enlightening interviews and parenting tips. Thanks for tuning in!

Diane Ehrensaft, author of "The Gender Creative Child," joins us to discuss the complexities of gender identity and expression in today's teens, offering parents insights on how to support their children through gender exploration and creativity.Full Show NotesWhen it comes to raising teenagers, one of the most complex and delicate topics parents may face is the evolving concept of gender. In today’s world, many young people are exploring gender creativity, challenging traditional norms, and seeking to express their true selves in ways that might be daunting for their parents to understand. Navigating this landscape requires empathy, open-mindedness, and reliable information to help ensure that teens feel supported and validated in their journey.For parents, the idea of kids thinking beyond the male-female binary or even the spectrum can seem overwhelming. Gender today is more like a web, interwoven with threads of nature, nurture, and culture. Each child's gender identity and expression are unique and evolving, often influenced by their experiences and interactions. How can parents help their teens weave these complexities into a coherent and authentic sense of self?To shed light on this, we’re joined by Dr. Diane Ehrensaft, a developmental and clinical psychologist, the co-founder and director of the Child and Adolescent Gender Center, and an associate professor of pediatrics. Diane’s work has been featured across numerous reputable platforms, including the New York Times and NPR. She’s also the author of "The Gender Creative Child." Diane is here to offer her expert insights on how teens and their families can navigate gender creativity.Understanding the Gender WebDiane introduces the concept of the "gender web," a more dynamic and multi-dimensional way to think about gender, beyond linear spectrums and binary boxes. Using three major threads—nature (biological aspects), nurture (environmental influences), and culture (societal norms)—Diane suggests that every person's gender web is uniquely woven, constantly evolving over time. This web model helps us appreciate the complexities of gender and underscores the importance of allowing space for this evolution in our children.Breaking Away from BoxesInstead of confining identities to rigid categories like "boy" or "girl," a more flexible approach can be incredibly liberating for kids. Diane shares fascinating anecdotes of children who have described themselves using terms like "gender hybrid" and "gender smoothie." These self-descriptions reflect an understanding of gender that goes beyond traditional norms. Diane emphasizes the importance of respecting both the fluid and stable aspects of a child's gender identity.Apples, Oranges, and Fruit SaladsDiane explains different gender identities through her "apples, oranges, and fruit salads" metaphor. Children who have a clear, stable gender identity from an early age are the "apples." "Oranges" are those who explore their gender creatively but without a persistent disconnect from their assigned gender. "Fruit salads" mix both gender identity and expression in unique ways. Understanding these distinctions can help parents better support their teens, regardless of where they fall on this spectrum.The Role of Parents: De-centering and SupportParenting a gender-creative child also involves self-reflection and emotional intelligence. Diane discusses the importance of "de-centering," where parents set aside their own ambitions and expectations to better listen to and support their child’s expressed needs and identities. Recognizing and addressing our own unconscious biases and microaggressions is also critical to fostering a supportive environment.Medical InterventionsFor parents considering medical support for their gender-creative teens, Diane provides clarity on the types and timing of medical interventions, including puberty blockers and hormone replacement therapy. These interventions are carefully considered and catered to each individual, with a rigorous assessment process to ensure they are in the best interest of the child's welfare.In the Episode...Dr. Diane Ehrensaft’s expertise offers a valuable guide for parents seeking to support their gender-creative children. In our conversation, we also discuss: - The importance of understanding and using the right terminology - How teens can explore their identities safely and responsibly - The cultural shifts influencing how we see gender today - The role of online communities and how they impact gender explorationIf you found this conversation enlightening, don’t miss out on Diane’s forthcoming book "Gender Explained," co-authored with Michelle Jerkowitz. Stay connected with Diane via her website, dianeehrensaft.com, for more insights. Thanks for listening! Don’t forget to share, subscribe, and join us next week.

Roy Richard Grinker, author of Nobody's Normal, How Culture Created the Stigma of Mental Illness, joins us to discuss the cultural history of mental illness stigma and how parents can create supportive environments for their teens to talk about their mental health.Full Show NotesTalking about mental health can often feel like walking on eggshells. Despite growing awareness, there remains a significant challenge in how comfortably and openly people address issues surrounding mental illness. For parents of teens, understanding and navigating this intricate subject is crucial to ensuring their children feel supported and understood during such formative years.If we want to foster environments where teenagers feel safe discussing their mental health struggles, we must first understand the roots of the stigma surrounding mental illness. Historically, mental health problems have been shrouded in shame and secrecy, which has deeply embedded these stigmas into our culture. But where did this stigma originate, and how can we begin to dismantle it in our families?To delve into this topic, we are joined by Roy Richard Grinker, a professor of anthropology and international affairs at George Washington University and the author of several insightful books, including Unstrange Minds and his latest, Nobody's Normal, How Culture Created the Stigma of Mental Illness. Richard brings a unique perspective on how societal and cultural factors have shaped our views on mental health.In this episode, we explore the history of mental illness stigma, examining why mental health issues have been viewed so negatively. Richard explains how the intersection of culture, historical events, and societal norms has contributed to this pervasive problem. We learn about surprising instances from history, like the unexpected origins of common breakfast foods created to prevent masturbation, and how these reflect broader societal attitudes towards mental health.Changing Perspectives On Mental IllnessOne of the eye-opening stories Richard shares is about a student who described the best day of her freshman year as the day she was diagnosed with ADHD. This diagnosis provided her validation and understanding of her struggles, leading us to discuss how diagnosis can both liberate individuals and unintentionally place the burden solely on them, overlooking societal and environmental factors.Richard draws attention to the limitations of viewing mental health issues through a purely biological lens without considering the broader social context. He sheds light on the "social model of disability," emphasizing that many challenges attributed to personal failings are often exacerbated, if not created, by societal structures and cultural expectations.The Dual Illness of Mental Health StigmaA crucial point raised in our conversation is the "double illness" experienced by those with mental health issues. Not only do they suffer from the symptoms of their condition, but they also bear the additional weight of societal judgment and stigma. Richard highlights sobering examples, such as politicians avoiding therapy to not appear weak, which perpetuates the stigma and discourages honesty about mental health struggles.We also touch on historical perspectives, including how mental health was perceived during slavery and the impact of differing care models between the North and the South. These insights help illustrate how cultural and systemic factors have long influenced the treatment and perception of mental illness.The Evolution of Mental Health TerminologyOur discussion then moves into how the terminology around mental health has evolved, sometimes reflecting shifts in cultural attitudes. From outdated terms like hysteria to more contemporary ones like conversion disorder, we see how language both shapes and is shaped by societal understanding.Richard and I delve into the implications of more recent changes, such as the removal of Asperger's syndrome from the American Psychiatric Association's diagnostic manual. He argues that these changes are often driven more by cultural needs than by new scientific discoveries.Creating an Open Dialogue in Your HomeTo conclude, we focus on practical steps parents can take to create a supportive environment where their teens feel comfortable discussing mental health issues. Richard emphasizes the importance of normalizing these conversations and being proactive in asking teens about their emotional well-being, just as one would inquire about physical health.In the Episode…Richard's insights are invaluable for anyone looking to understand and dismantle the stigma around mental illness. In addition to the topics discussed above, we also cover:- How wars have historically progressed mental health care- The impact of societal norms on the perception of gender and mental health- Modern approaches to diagnosing and treating mental health issues- How historical and cultural contexts can influence mental health labels and treatmentsRichard’s book, Nobody's Normal, offers a profound look into how culture shapes our understanding of mental health, and our conversation provides practical advice for parents striving to support their teens. Listen to the full episode for more!Don’t forget to share and subscribe to Talking to Teens, and we’ll see you next week!

Todd Baratz, author of How To Love Somebody Without Losing Your Mind, explains how parents can navigate conflict in their relationships with their teens and partners, fostering true intimacy and realistic expectations.Full Show NotesNavigating relationships with teenagers can be incredibly challenging. There's often conflict, emotional rollercoasters, and moments when parents feel like they might lose their minds. But what if these hardships are an essential part of genuine intimacy? What if the idea that relationships should be free of conflict is setting us up for disappointment? Understanding these dynamics can transform the way we interact with our teens and partners, helping us build stronger, more connected relationships.In today's episode, we delve into these questions and more with Todd Baratz, a renowned sex therapist and author of How To Love Somebody Without Losing Your Mind. Todd's expertise is grounded in both professional practice and personal experience, making his insights relatable and actionable for parents looking to improve their relationships.Unrealistic Expectations and Their OriginsTodd points out that many of us grow up with unrealistic expectations about relationships, often rooted in fairytales and media. These perfectionistic ideals lead us to believe that true love should be effortless and devoid of conflict. When reality inevitably doesn't match up, we feel deeply disappointed. Todd explains how understanding and adjusting these expectations can make a significant difference in our relationships, whether with our partners or our teenagers.The Importance of Open ConversationsThrough conversations with his own parents, Todd learned that many of the relationship patterns he struggled with were inherited, rooted in intergenerational trauma. He emphasizes the importance of openly discussing family histories and personal stories with our teens, helping them understand that love and relationships are shaped by cultural and familial contexts. By fostering open and honest communication, parents can equip their teens with a more realistic view of relationships.Addressing Unrealistic Relationship Expectations in TeensMany parents wait until they notice their teens becoming sexually active or entering relationships to start important conversations about love and sex. Todd argues that it’s crucial to begin these discussions early, providing comprehensive education about relationships before issues arise. He suggests creating a relational environment where curiosity and open dialogue are encouraged. This proactive approach helps teens develop a healthy, realistic understanding of intimacy and relationships.Healthy Communication and Emotional ManagementHealthy communication is about more than using "I statements" and validating emotions. Todd and I discuss how real, healthy communication often involves discomfort and conflict, which are essential for growth. We talk about the concept of being "flooded" or overwhelmed with emotions and how parents and teens can learn to tolerate these intense feelings. By acknowledging and understanding these emotional experiences, we can navigate them more effectively and deepen our relationships.Differentiation and Developing IndependenceDifferentiation is the process of becoming more distinct as individuals while maintaining a close connection. Todd explains how encouraging teens to develop their own identities and fostering their independence is crucial. This process helps teens grow into confident individuals who can manage their relationships healthily. He also discusses how parents can model differentiation by maintaining their own interests and identities outside of their roles within the family.Addressing the Realities of IntimacyTrue intimacy requires a willingness to be uncomfortable and to hear what we might not want to hear. Todd emphasizes that healthy relationships involve work and are rarely perfect. By embracing this reality, parents can set a more realistic example for their teens, teaching them that good relationships are built through effort and resilience, not through seeking perfection.In the Episode...Join us to uncover insights about:- How pain and conflict are essential for intimacy- Realistic vs. unrealistic relationship expectations- The importance of open, honest conversations about family history- Techniques for managing emotional overwhelm - Encouraging teens’ independence while maintaining strong connections- Redefining healthy communication in relationshipsDon’t miss this enlightening episode with Todd Baratz, and remember to share and subscribe!