Aviva Legatt, author of Get Real and Get In, joins us for a behind-the-scenes look at the college admissions process and what your teen can do to stand out from the crowd. Plus, how being on student council might actually hurt their chances! Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesWe’ve always been told that the secret to getting a teen into college is for them to look perfect on paper. We nag them to join the honors society, sign them up for a hundred SAT tests, or even convince them to quit guitar lessons to make time for academic decathlon. But what if simply checking all the right boxes of what colleges are “looking for” isn’t the right approach anymore? Could it be that admissions officers are getting a little bored of reading essay after essay about the challenges of AP biology?We might just be so focused on helping teens fit the mold we aren’t encouraging them to think outside of the box! More than just routine extracurriculars or high test scores, admissions officers want to see that kids have unique talents and passions. Instead of pushing kids to drop dance for the debate team, maybe it’s time we talked to them about how their natural interests can propel them towards a brighter future.To get a behind-the-scenes peek at what college admissions officers are really looking for, we’re talking to Aviva Legatt, author of Get Real and Get In: How to Get Into the College of Your Dreams by Being Your Authentic Self. She’s also the founder of Ivy Insight, the gold standard in college admissions consulting! Her advice for your teen? Forget what they’ve been taught about being the “perfect” college applicant, and be themselves instead!Aviva and I are talking about what she calls the “impressiveness paradox”, or why fancy shmancy credentials alone might not help your teen get into the school of their dreams. We’re also covering how teens can tap into their passions to find their potential, and the value of making connections with people on campus before even submitting their application.Getting in by Being AuthenticStudents and parents are constantly told the same things about getting into college: they’ll need perfect grades, perfect test scores, and academic extracurriculars to round it all out. And sure, that might have been the golden formula for getting in a decade or so ago...but times are changing! More and more students apply every year, with thousands of students submitting the same “ideal” college app. Aviva explains that for admissions officers, this rigid approach is no longer the key to getting that acceptance letter.Instead of trying to seem perfect, kids should be aiming to be themselves, says Aviva. Those reading applications are much more interested in a student who seems authentic, someone who shows they have a spark of excitement and passion. If kids are enrolling in a coding club but just sitting in the back of the meetings texting, college admissions officers are going to see through that facade! Just going through the motions of being a model applicant won’t thrill anyone.So how can students show off their real interests in their application? In the episode, Aviva drops some tips for students to exhibit their genuine love for orchestra or student government. This includes not only writing killer essays, but also finding the right letters of rec to highlight their spirited involvement in whatever it is they love to do. The goal is for the student’s joy and passion to come off the page while an admissions officer is reading it!Not sure what your teen’s passion is or how they can write about it? Aviva and I tackle that too!Turning Passion into PurposeFor teens who love gaming or jamming out on the drums, it can be hard to turn their interest and a winning college app. Aviva suggests inquiring what it is about music or Fortnite that excites your teen. Consider evaluating what skills and benefits their chosen pastime brings to their lives and the lives of others!For example, if your teen is a film buff, there might not be a clear life skill involved. But your teen probably has a rich knowledge of history and the arts. Maybe they’re wise about the business side of the industry! They might even consider setting up and running community movie nights, to benefit a charity. Then, when they go to work on that application, they’ll be able to describe how they marketed the event, overcame the technical challenges of the projector, collaborated with others to put the event on, and so on and so forth!As adults who’ve seen a little more of life’s challenges, we know that not every one of our teens' passions is going to bring financial stability. It’s easy to assert ourselves in their decisions and tell them what to spend their time doing. But Aviva suggests taking a backseat and letting kids find their interests on their own. Then, when they’ve found something, she recommends encouraging them to run with it! By providing opportunities and allowing them to spread their wings, you’ll help them become confident and capable adults.Now, even an application that’s buzzing with originality could benefit from some good ol’ fashioned networking. Aviva and I discuss how your teen can make some connections on campus before applying to make their application pop.Networking to Get NoticedWe all know that a job application can benefit from knowing some folks at the company. A cover letter addressed to a specific person is always more powerful! So why shouldn’t a college application be the same? In the episode, Aviva gives the lowdown on how teens can get to know some folks at their dream school to give their application an extra bit of oomph.The trick is getting to know some people on campus! Aviva has a three part checklist for teens who are trying to make connections with the administration at any school. The first step is for your teen to define their intentions. What programs or extracurriculars will they be involved in once they start attending? Have they picked a major yet? These choices can guide teens to reach out to staff members of certain departments or specific program coordinators. It also helps teens know what questions to ask when they do get in contact!The next step is to ask for a bit of that person’s time. Although it might be intimidating, these folks are educators! Their goal is to guide students on a learning journey. Most likely, if teens tell them they’re a student, they’ll be happy to have a chat, says Aviva. The last step is a follow up. She suggests teens send a note or an email thanking them for taking the time to talk. This will help them remember who your teen is and will leave a good impression, so when their name comes up in the application process, they’ll have a leg up.In the Episode….This week’s interview is chock full of valuable advice for college applicants and their parents! On top of the topics mentioned above, we cover:How the application process can help teens self reflectWhy the apps have changed over the yearsWhat teens can learn from their weaknessesHow to help a teen who’s a little too worked up about their applicationsI loved Aviva’s message about applying to college: no matter where y...

Dr. Beth Akers, author of Making College Pay and an economist, takes a cold hard look with Andy at what the data says about “investing” in college. What’s more important: choice of major or choice of college?Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesDeciding on a college is one of the biggest decisions teens will make in their lives. There are so many factors to consider. How big are the classes? Will they be able to make connections in their chosen field? What do the dorms look like? With so many different schools and so many majors, finding the right fit can feel impossible.But there’s one aspect of the college search we don’t always talk about, even though it’s arguably the most important of all: the finances. We’re often so focused on helping young adults find a place that feels right or looks beautiful that we neglect to dive deep into how we’re going to foot the bill, in the present and down the line, in the case of loans.And even if we do find a way to pay, we often don’t pause to consider whether the degree we’re paying for is going to deliver a return on investment! This is especially true for those of us who are taking out loans. If we’re going to be in debt, it’s wise to know if and when we’ll eventually be able to pay it off.To really wrap our heads around college finances, we’re talking to Beth Akers, author of Making College Pay: An Economist Explains How to Make a Smart Bet on Higher Education. Beth is a resident scholar at the American Enterprise Institute and an expert in the economics of labor and higher education. She believes that everyone should have access to comprehensive financial information about college, so they can avoid making a decision they regret.In our interview, we’re breaking down why we often don’t talk about the financial aspects of choosing a college. We're also talking about how a student’s major affects their future prospects, and revealing a smarter way to go about taking out loans. If you’re searching for the best way to educate your kids without breaking the bank, this episode is for you!Changing the College ConversationWhen it comes to picking a school, we often encourage young people to follow their heart, and do what feels right. We romanticize the idea of finding a school that’s the perfect fit, a place they’ll fall in love with where they’ll have the time of their lives. And while it’s important to consider this sentimental side of college, we tend to completely ignore the practical side: how much it will cost, how it’s going to get paid for and if it’s really a sound financial decision!In fact, when Beth traveled to college campuses and quizzed students on how much they were spending on tuition...most of them didn’t know! Beth believes this is why so many people get stuck with an unpayable amount of debt after they graduate, because they didn’t figure out a plan before jumping in. Although it would be nice if we could romanticize college and see it as a purely emotional journey, the reality is that college is expensive! For most people, figuring out how to afford their degree should be a hot topic of conversation, not an afterthought, says Beth.When it comes down to it, college is often the biggest financial event of a person’s life, other than maybe buying a house! So why don’t we talk about it in the same light as paying off a mortgage?? In the episode, Beth and I break down why it is that we focus on prestigious names or pretty campuses instead of payment plans. Interestingly, social media can play a role, says Beth, as students want to show off their enrollment at a shiny private school...even if it’s going to put them in debt for the rest of their lives!Although picking a school definitely matters, Beth explains in the episode that salaries after college actually depend a lot more on the graduate’s major than their chosen college. She and I get into how your student’s course of study factors into the financial risk of attendance.Making the Most of a MajorPicking a major is never an easy process. Kids often find themselves torn between their passion and a more practical choice. Beth’s goal is to simply give the financial data on what graduates of different majors earn, not to necessarily tell students what major to choose. In her book, she outlines which majors are financially lucrative and which ones aren’t quite so promising. Beth advises parents and teens to use this information to decide whether or not they’ll be able to pay back loans after they get their diploma.Beth also explains that we tend to paint with broad strokes when it comes to majors: defining science and math as more valuable and art is a less wise choice. In fact there’s more variation in the earnings of graduates across schools and majors than you might think. All in all, she advises people to become informed about how much of a financial gamble they are taking when they pick a major, and then assess their own personal tolerance for risk .But what about the kids who don’t know what they want to do? In the episode, Beth and I weigh the pros and cons of going into college undeclared. Beth is reluctant to encourage teens to jump right into an expensive degree if they don’t quite know what they’re doing. Adding on extra years of college to try and figure out a path is a pretty costly way to go about self discovery! Although it’s often frowned upon in our culture, Beth suggests students take a gap year, or engage in activities outside of secondary education to help them find some direction before enrolling in classes.Once students have selected a school and a major, they have to settle on a budget...which often means taking out student loans. Often, these loans can become a nightmare after a student’s graduation. Beth and I discuss loan repayment in our interview, and she reveals a unique strategy for making the most of a college savings account.Student Loan SecretsAs an economist, Beth has some outside-the-box ideas about how parents and students can take on the student loan process. If you had a chunk of cash reserved for college, the best thing to do would be to spend it on tuition...right? Actually, Beth has another method she recommends, a method that includes, surprisingly, taking out loans. In the episode, she explains how, by investing your college savings, you can get a higher return, which you can then use to pay off your loan debt when you graduate.Of course, this also takes financial discipline. Instead of spending those savings, you’ll have to leave them in your investments to collect interest. This might seem simple to some, but could feel impossible to others! It depends on how you or your teen handle your personal finances.She also explains how taking on federal student loans can actually be a smart idea for some people. To start, they have pretty low interest rates–around 3%. And although they can be a headache to deal with, there have been small policy changes over the last few years that actually make them a realistic option for some, she says. Depending on how much you earn after graduating, you can make fairly small payments, or even pay zero. And if your income happens to stay low, there are ways the loans can eventually be forgiven.In the Episode…

Pete Davis, author of Dedicated, speaks to us about the power of commitment in an age of infinite options. Plus, what to say to a teen trying everything to gain status.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesSome teens just don’t want to commit to anything! They go to one lacrosse team practice but quickly lose interest, quit piano lessons when the songs get difficult and avoid debate team meetings after school...even though they signed up for the whole year! As a parent, it can be frustrating to watch them shrug off any kind of obligation. You know getting involved in activities will help them gain new skills and make friends. So how can you get them to see how valuable commitments can be?The truth is that kids these days are stuck in browsing mode. With so many distractions, it’s hard for them to focus on one thing. And even when they find something they care about, society tells them not to settle, not to get tied down, not to stick with anything that isn’t their “perfect” calling. But if we can help kids understand just how rewarding it is to find a lasting passion or commit to a craft, we can guide them towards a brighter, happier future.This week, we’re talking to Pete Davis, author of Dedicated: The Case for Commitment in the Age of Infinite Browsing. Pete spoke at Harvard University’s 2018 graduation ceremony about the value of being committed to something meaningful. Since then, the video of his speech has been viewed over 30 million times! His inspiring message about dedication might be just what your teen needs to hear.Pete and I dive into the power of commitment in this week’s episode. We cover the importance of helping teens find a craft, discuss why kids should give up on the notion of finding their “calling”, and explain how it can be valuable for young adults to pick something and stick to it! If you want to help your kid find a fulfilling future but don’t quite know what advice to give, you won’t want to miss this episode!The Importance of Getting InvolvedWe know that playing football keeps teens in shape and learning the guitar allows kids to play their favorite songs...but these benefits are just the tip of the iceberg. Teens can gain so much from finding a craft they love and committing to it. In the episode, Pete and I chat about how hobbies and extracurriculars help teens learn to take feedback, persevere through difficulties, and find community.Pete and I talk about his time playing the piano as an example. From the age of 5 to 13, he worked with the same piano teacher, constantly improving his playing along the way. By committing to one mentor and one activity for so long, Pete was able to track his progress, see his evolution and create strong connections to both his teacher and other students. By the time he stopped taking lessons at 18, he experienced what he describes as one of life’s greatest pleasures: looking back and understanding the beauty of the journey.Pursuits like painting and baseball are about so much more than just winning games or getting into galleries, says Pete. They empower teens by showing them that they’re capable of greatness! Plus, they teach kids that there are forces bigger than themselves that they can contribute to and feel good about. These lessons will help them head into adult life with confidence and purpose.In addition, crafts help teens find heroes and mentors who encourage them to strive for excellence. Along with his amazing piano teacher, Pete was constantly encouraged by idols: famous folks who’d accomplished extraordinary feats. He advises parents to indulge in a teen’s interest in prominent figures, as it will allow teens to see how greatness is achieved. If your teen is into filmmaking and fosters a love for Steven Spielberg, it might be a good idea to get them a Spielberg biography!Sometimes however, even when teens have an inkling about what they like to do, they’re not quite ready to commit. They fear choosing the wrong thing, wonder if they’ll regret their decision, fuss over what others think. This indecisiveness can lead teens to a state of analysis paralysis, where they just sort of do...nothing! Pete and I delve into how we can prevent teens from getting stuck in this space, what he calls the “menu screen of life.”How Commitment Cultivates PassionOur society tells young people that they shouldn’t settle for less than the perfect pursuit. Teens are told that they need to hold out for a flawless opportunity, the thing that ignites the fireworks of their passion without any drawbacks! Now, it’s pretty obvious to those of us who’ve been around a little longer that these shiny, spectacular opportunities...don’t really exist! No job, extracurricular or subject of study is going to be perfect. Everything requires sacrifice and compromise.If teens spend too much time twiddling their thumbs, waiting for the “right” thing to come along, they’ll only find themselves with nothing at all! That’s why Pete recommends teens find something that interests them and simply stick with it. Of course, if teens are miserable or end up involved in a toxic situation, they shouldn’t trap themselves by committing to it. But studies show that when we buckle down on an activity we have at least some interest in, we often find ourselves becoming incredibly passionate about it–even if we aren’t quite sure at first.That commitment can be pretty scary, especially when we’re entering a big office full of people we’ve never met or trying something we haven’t done before. But if we can persevere through the messy parts, there’s so much empowerment waiting on the other side, says Pete.The more we put time and effort into something, the more it reveals it’s benefits to us, says Pete. In the episode, we discuss a psychological phenomenon known as the psychological immune system. When we commit ourselves to something, our brain essentially just adjusts to match our newfound reality. Lotto winners find themselves just as happy (or unhappy) as they were before winning. And those who commit to something find it becomes their purpose, simply because it’s what they do everyday!In the episode, Pete and I discuss how we often think greatness will be thrust upon us one day. We imagine that we’ll find ourselves in a circumstance where we save someone from a burning building, or make a grand speech that convinces the love of our life not to fly to Paris after all! But these notions are merely cinematic. If we really want greatness, says Pete, we must commit to waking up everyday and striving for it.In the Episode….Pete is not only brilliant, but a blast to talk to! This week’s episode is as fun as it is informative. We answer all your questions about commitment, including:Why it’s important to have “browsing periods”How quitting can actually help teens commitWhat causes teen’s fear of commitmentHow you can help teens make big decisionsAlthough teens might be reluctant to stick to any one thing, Pete’s advice can help. If you enjoyed listening, check him out at Petedavis.org. You can also grab his book wherever books are sold. Thanks for tuning in, and we’ll see you next time! Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivere...

John Zerilli, PhD, author of A Citizen’s Guide to Artificial Intelligence, clues us in on how AI is affecting us right now and what it means for our teens and families. Plus, John’s prediction for when AI could take over--and what skills teens should hone in preparation.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesOur kids are growing up in a world where technology is expanding at a mind blowing pace! Every year they find themselves with shiny new social media apps, ten new video games that they HAVE to play, and fancy devices that are so much cooler than what came out last year. As a parent you may feel unsure about the best way to raise your teens in this tech-filled world. How can you get them to put down their phone and focus on college apps? Or even just go outside and get a little exercise?While all this tech can be a distraction, it can also be pretty dangerous. There are some pretty frightening parts of the online landscape! Kids might accidentally find themselves entrenched in a hate group or engaged in dark, fringe content. Not to mention that as coders and computer experts become better and better at programming artificial intelligence, teens might find their future jobs at risk–or even experience prejudice as a result of robotic resume readers!How is that all possible, you ask? John Zerilli, AI expert and this week’s guest, is here to tell us. He’s a research fellow at the University of Cambridge, and the author of A Citizen’s Guide to Artificial Intelligence. John predicts that in the coming years, AI is poised to infiltrate every area of our lives. He believes everyone has a right to be educated about it! He's here today to chat about how we can guide our teens through the coming technological revolution and ensure that they have bright and prosperous futures.In today’s interview, we’re discussing how we can make cyberspace a safer place for kids. We’re also talking about how the job market is changing as AI grows in relevance and explains how racial and gender biases can be perpetuated by computer programs. So stick around, because you're not going to want to miss out on all this fascinating tech talk!Setting Rules for Safe BrowsingFor young people with curious minds, a simple visit to Youtube or Facebook can sometimes end in a bad place. Although they might not seek out damaging material, the algorithms on these websites can often act as a rabbit hole, John explains. Teens can find themselves pulled deeper and deeper into something dark just because it might pique interest or fascination. As they click, they get further from where they started and more engrossed into Q-Anon conspiracies, pornography or even racially offensive content.Luckily, there are ways we can combat this. John and I emphasize the value of setting rules and guidelines for kids’ internet use so they don’t find themselves spiraling into harmful stuff. In the episode, we dive deeper into how we can help teens create these boundaries for safer internet use. We also talk about how important it can be to have conversations with kids about thinking critically when they consume content. John explained how we can guide them to shift through the material and separate the truth from the fiction.When encouraging teens to think about the way they interact online, John also recommends talking to them about the “Echo Chamber”. This is a common trap social media users fall into, where they only interact with content that reinforces their own biases and viewpoints. You may have seen how this phenomenon affects adults, especially when it comes to politics! Teens can be just as vulnerable to this effect, if not more so, so John says it’s important to chat with them about being open minded before they find themselves unable to even consider other viewpoints besides their own.Another place where the expansion of tech causes some questions and concerns from worried parents is the future job market. Are there going to be less opportunities when things become more automated? Are there more careers in tech spaces as computers become more powerful? What can we do to ensure our kids will thrive in a future driven by robotics?Coming of Age in the Digital AgeAlthough many people are worried that automation will wreak havoc on the job market, John says that there’s no cause for concern just yet. We’re still far from a future of robot butlers and flying cars.John explains that there are two kinds of AI: weak and strong. Weak AI is what we use in our daily lives, programs like Siri or Alexa, or the algorithm on Amazon which tells us which sweatpants we should buy. Strong AI is much more complex and sophisticated. For an automated program to fall into this category, it would have to be able to think like a human, moving from task to task with ease and understanding the complicated implications behind a simple command, says John.For example, if you told a robot to “go to the store and pick up milk”, it would likely stroll down to the store, find a carton of milk, physically pick it up….and that’s all! For the program to understand that it needs to actually purchase the milk and bring it home, it would need to be at a higher level of intelligence than it is currently possible to program. This kind of machine thinking is what John describes as the “holy grail” of AI, and won’t be reached for at least one hundred years, according to John.But still, it’s easy to be worried that teens are entering a less-than lucrative job market as things become more automated. So what kind of jobs should they be pursuing? In the episode, John and I delve deep into which jobs are at risk and which ones are safe. We also discuss how we can revisit our education system to ensure that kids are prepared for the obstacles they’ll face as they enter this new digital reality.Interestingly, there are other parts of AI that might make your kids job search difficult. Although it may seem counterintuitive, AI has been proven to have racial and gender biases. You want your kid to have just as many opportunities as anyone else..so how can combat this confusing conundrum?Programs and PrejudiceHow could I robot possibly perpetuate discrimination? Aren’t they supposed to be purely logical? I was fascinated to hear John explain in our interview that because an overwhelming majority of computer programmers are whie men, the programs they build have been shown to work for white men much better than those of diverse identities. A classic example is facial recognition software! Programs intended to classify an individual's face are often much more effective at identifying specific white men, but not those of different ethnicities.Although it seems like computers would be free of opinion, they tend to pass along the biases of those who program them. As John says, “rubbish in, rubbish out.” This same problem occurs when computers sift through stacks of resumes. When tests have been run to see how effective computers are at choosing candidates, researchers have found that programs just throw out any name that sounds feminine, severely limiting the chances of female applicants!John explains that this is likely because, historically, women tend to leave their places of work earlier rather than later, due to pregnancy. Of...

Dr. Barbara Oakley, author of Uncommon Sense Teaching, delivers the best ways to get ahead in academics based on her research in education, neuroscience, and teaching. Is memorizing helpful or a waste of time? Who can procrastinate and get away with it? How can we help our teens be better learners?Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesGetting teens to sit down and practice math can feel impossible. We go around in circles trying to convince them to practice the algebra portion of the SAT, or nag them after school to finish their calculus homework before turning on the Xbox. No matter how many times we assure them that math skills are critical to a successful life, they just don’t seem to care! We can lead them to water, but we just can’t make them drink.According to today’s guest, the secret to motivating math-reluctant teens might lie in cognitive science. In her recent work, she’s discovered and documented some fascinating findings about the complexities of the human mind. Specifically, she's gained some unique insights on the way humans learn. She’s here to tell parents how they can help kids not only master STEM material–but have fun doing it!Her name is Barbara Oakley and she’s the author of both the bestselling A Mind For Numbers and the brand new Uncommon Sense: Teaching Practical Insights in Brain Science to Help Students Learn. Although she’s now a professor of engineering at Rochester College, she was once a student who struggled in science and math. When one of her own students prompted her to think critically about how she became a whiz at crunching numbers, she decided to dive into the neuroscience of learning to figure out how students can master math, even if they tend to lag behind.In our interview, we’re discussing the difference between long term memory and working memory, and sharing how understanding these systems in our minds can help us become better learners. We’re also chatting about the importance of practice and how you can get kids to actually do it! In addition, we’re breaking down misconceptions about procrastination and how to motivate a teen who’s more interested in video games than cracking open the books.Why Memory MattersWhen we think about the role memory plays in academics, we typically think about memorizing enough material to pass a test or give a presentation. But what about the memory we need to complete a word problem in just a few minutes? Or to quickly recite a phone number? In the episode, Barbara defines the difference between the two distinct types of memory: long term memory and working memory.Long term memory is the stuff we recall, well, long term! This includes everything from remembering how to speak English to being able to get home without a GPS. Different but equally important is working memory, or how much information we can store and manipulate over a short period. For example, when we’re working on an equation, we've got to hold the numbers in our head long enough to finish it. This is where our working memory comes in. Without this function of our mind, we wouldn’t be able to make it through the day!To truly get the hang of mathematics, a mastery of the working memory is invaluable, but not at all required, says Barbara. In fact, those students with smaller or less efficient working memories can actually approach math from a different angle, making them math experts with a unique perspective. In the episode, Barbara explains how you can help a teen who’s been pigeonholed as “bad at math” learn to compute like Einstein.Spoiler alert: the answer mostly lies in practice. But teens don’t really want to do that, do they? So how can we convince them to get in some geometry repetition instead of picking up the ipad and playing Candy Crush all afternoon?The Power of PracticeWe know that practice is extremely valuable when it comes to learning math, but we struggle endlessly to get kids to actually do the work. Why is getting kids to figure out equations as difficult as pulling teeth?To explain, Barbara contrasts learning math to learning to ride a bike. When kids are trying to get the hang of biking, they can see other kids riding down the street, popping wheelies and having a grand ol’ time. This motivates them to push through the pain of falling and flailing to become expert bike operators.Being good at math can be just as fulfilling as riding a bike, but it’s rare that teens catch a glimpse of someone sitting in front of a calculator and think “I wish I could do that!” In the episode, Barbara covers how parents can help teens get past that “falling” stage when it comes to mastering math.In addition, practice can help bridge the gender gap when it comes to STEM subjects. Barbara breaks down why it is that boys are seen as being naturally good at math, while girls are viewed as strong in social sciences–even though research shows there is absolutely no difference in math ability between the sexes. By pushing girls to practice math instead of leading them away from it, we can help them overcome the discouragement they might be facing from teachers or society at large.So if you’re having your teen do extra math problems in the summer or signing them up for SAT prep classes, you might be helping them more than you think, says Barbara. In our talk, Barbara dives deeper into motivating teens to hit the math books by dissecting a practice known as the Pomodoro method.A Unique Approach to FocusYour teen comes home after school, has a snack...and then flips on some Netflix. They know they have statistics homework to get cracking on, but they’re not really interested in that right now. Next thing they know, it’s ten pm, and they haven’t even glanced at their textbook. Then they try to cram all that information late at night to no avail. How can we help teens break this destructive cycle of procrastination?To start, Barbara breaks down the misconception that procrastination is effective. Although waiting all day can help you process information and brainstorm ideas for a prompt, procrastination definitely does not come in handy when it comes to learning new things. The more we put studying off and then try to squish it all in before a deadline, the more we find ourselves hitting walls and struggling to remember material.In order to curb procrastination, Barbara introduces the concept of a “Pomodoro” in our interview. This consists of focusing for twenty five minutes, taking a five minute break to do something rewarding, then going back to the task at hand.Barbara explains how this is super effective for helping distractible teens focus, because it allows the brain to transfer information from the working memory to the long term while also providing teens with time to chill and breathe. In our talk, Barbara and I delve into the different types of learning in order to explain why this Pomodoro method might be the secret to success for your teen.In the Episode...Barbara shares endless fascinating information about how our mind’s function in this week’s interview. In addition to the topics mentioned above, we discuss:How our education system is failing to adapt...

Leidy Klotz, author of Subtract, shares his research on the science of taking things away, simplification, and subtraction to make more space for better ways of living. How to scale back tech use, clean up our calendars, and streamline family rules is coming up!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesWhen kids are driving us up the wall and we want to regain control, we add rules. Then, later down the line...we add more rules. Soon we find ourselves trying to figure out a rule for every video game and homework assignment. As humans and parents, we’re wired to add more and more structure, attempting to create a sense of security. But sometimes the answer doesn’t lie in addition–it lies in subtraction!We often fail to consider that maybe instead of putting more on our plate, we can instead take something away. This is because in our evolutionary pursuit of survival, humans have gained an affinity for acquisition. We used to hunt and gather to acquire food, but in our modern world, this need to attain means we like to add new objects, responsibilities, and ideas to our life. When uncertainty rears its head, we automatically think addition is the answer. However, if we consider letting something go instead, we might see a better path was right in front of us all along.In today’s episode, we’re talking to Leidy Klotz, author of Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less. Leidy pulls from his innovative behavioral research and years of design and engineering experience to break down why we as a species feel inclined to add more and more to our lives without removing the things that drag us down.Leidy and I are discussing why it is that our brains are so predisposed to pile more on without considering the possibility of letting something go. We also cover how we can help teens make some smart subtractions when it comes to technology, and explain how you and your teen can practice subtraction in everyday life.Why We Take on Too MuchAs a species, our inclination to keep adding comes from both biological and societal forces, says Leidy. Our ancestors learned to accumulate more ideas and objects as they fought for survival, and that urge still sticks with us today. Our consumerist society is another contributing factor, with advertisements boasting endless add-ons (if you just call now!) and commercials telling us that we NEED to buy the newest fancy gadget in order to go on with life.The need to gain is only magnified by our desire to appear competent, Leidy explains. This urge may be what’s driving your teen to add more and more extracurriculars to their schedule, apply to 100 colleges, or have more than a few girls on speed dial! And when they find themselves overwhelmed, they often believe with even more certainty that continuing to add more will solve the problem–which of course, only makes things worse! Leidy and I title this the “the downward cycle of subtracting doom” in the episode.If that wasn’t bad enough, not only do we love to add things to our life, we’re also afraid to let go. Leidy and I discuss in our interview why you can’t seem to ditch that old set of paints you bought years ago when you suddenly decided you would become a painter...the ones you haven’t touched since the day you got them. Getting and keeping possessions can give us some seriously happy feelings–almost like the ones we get when we take drugs or do something risky and get away with it. These powerful connections can keep us from giving up things that we don’t need.For teens today, these intense feelings can be tied to social media platforms–ones that they know make them feel anxious, but they can’t seem to get rid off. Plus, when the newest one comes out each month, teens download it without a second thought, motivated by the all-too-human need to acquire. Leidy and I tackle how you can talk to teens about resisting addition when it comes to tech.Helping Teens Manage Technology UseWhen you think about situations where your teen tends to add until they reach excess, tech is probably towards the top of the list. Nowadays, teens have more devices, streaming services, gaming apps and social media sites than any of us ever thought possible. They just continue to add more and more tech to their lives, without giving any thought to moderation! How can we help kids fight the urge to add when it comes to technology?Leidy offers an interesting solution, borrowed from public policy! Interestingly, he explains in the episode that our code of federal regulations has grown almost seventeen times since 1950, a testament to the human tendency to keep adding indefinitely! Leidy and I discuss how in British Columbia, three regulations must be removed whenever one is added, which helps maintain balance.This same idea is effective when it comes to limiting teens' tech use. When they buy a new video game or start using another social media platform, it can be good to prompt them to delete a few of the old ones! By watching how much they are consuming, you can help teens use tech in a healthy way instead of developing bad habits.Removing unnecessary clutter, whether that be iphone apps, old clothes or even ideas, can be liberating. But it’s not always easy. So how can we practice subtraction in our everyday lives?The Importance of Practicing SubtractionOne of the most fascinating findings from Leidy’s research is that when faced with a problem, humans are almost universally certain to conjure up a solution that includes addition. Not only that, but they don’t even consider subtraction as an option, even when it’s pretty clear that it would be a much simpler remedy to just remove something.Leidy emphasizes the importance of suggesting subtraction when your teen is in a tough spot. If they’re stressed about passing AP spanish, and want to add more and more hours of studying until they’re no longer sleeping, maybe it’s time for them to drop the academic decathlon to make time. Or maybe they want to feel popular, but steadily increasing their social calendar has led them to feel burnt out. In this case, perhaps subtraction means really looking to see who their true friends are and sticking to those people who enrich their lives the most.Leidy and I also touch on how subtraction can bring an unexpected blessing, by creating something additional. If you take the center out of the donut, it creates more surface area for glaze and allows the donut to cook more evenly...plus you get donut holes! When you subtract a meeting from your own schedule, not only did you remove something to release tension, but now you have an hour of time to focus on something more important or something that makes you happy.In the Episode…Leidy’s innovative ideas about decision making and human behavior makes for a fascinating episode this week. On top of the topics discussed above, we talk about:How our brains “subtract” in our sleepWhy people view subtraction in a negative lightHow to remove barriers when trying to get kids to changeWhy subtraction can help us with life’s big decisionsI had a blast interviewing Leidy and am excited to share his work with you! Don’t forget to share and s...

Cynthia Clumeck Muchnick and Jenn Curtis, authors of The Parent Compass, share their wealth of knowledge on the college admissions process and parenting in the late teens.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesLet’s be honest–the pressure of the college application process is enough to drive anyone crazy. Both you and your kids might find yourselves losing sleep and shedding tears over the endless rampage of SAT scores, personal essays and scholarship applications. It’s so intense that celebrities are willing to bribe schools and admissions officers with thousands of dollars just to get their kid’s feet in the door!Although you just want the best for your kid, it’s easy to get caught up in the competition of it all and become another expectant force breathing down their necks. You might find yourself so obsessed with whether or not they get in that you forget to notice all the hard work and character growth they’ve exhibited throughout the process.To understand how we can guide kids through college apps and other teenage chaos, we’re sitting down with educational consultants Cynthia Clumeck Muchnick and Jenn Curtis. Their new book, The Parent Compass: Navigating Your Teen's Wellness and Academic Journey in Today's Competitive World, is a guide for parents who are feeling uncertain about the application cycle, phones at the dinner table, and more!In our interview, the three of us discuss the definition of a “parent compass” and how to help kids navigate the tech filled world they’re growing up in. We also dive into how we can help teens reevaluate goal setting, especially when it comes to college admissions.What is The “Parent Compass?”Although the “parent compass” might sound like an object, it’s actually a movement! It’s goal is to help parents take a step back, and make sure they’re not getting so caught up in all the crazy that they lose sight of what’s important: encouraging teens to be their best selves. If parents can reevaluate and take time for self reflection, they can be certain that they’re headed in the right direction, Cynthia and Jenn explain.Cynthia and Jenn’s book opens with questionnaires for parents, asking them to think about the way they were raised and prompting them to question their own biases. There’s also one for teens, which requests that they think constructively about how they’d like to be treated differently. Jenn and Cynthia suggest inviting your teen to do these questionnaires–or have productive discussions of a similar nature–together. In doing so, you can show them that you care about being the best parent you can be.Now, that’s all easier said than done, of course! There are so many complications and points of contention you and your teen might get stuck on. One concept we discuss in the episode is the idea of encouraging teens to follow their passion. Is that something we can realistically suggest if we’re practical parents? In our interview, Cynthia and Jenn touch on how it’s almost as important for teens to discover what they don’t like as it is for them to find activities that excite them.Another common area of disagreement for parents and kids is technology: how much screen time kids should get, whether or not phones can be out during certain hours...the list goes on and on! In the episode, we touch on how you can use your parent compass to find harmony with tech in your home.Teens and TechOne of the biggest tips Cynthia and Jenn have regarding devices in the home is to create a distinct plan. They suggest you set rules, limits, and allowances for how much time teens can spend online, and what they can do when they log on! By having a system in place, it’s easier to avoid arguments down the line. Instead of begging them to log off every night at 6 o’clock to start their homework, they’ll know ahead of time that there are certain hours for playing fortnite and others for studying physics.Along with the plan, Cynthia and Jenn recommend putting measures in place for when the plan is violated. If kids know what punitive measures are coming, they’re not likely to break the rules. And in these uncertain, pandemic-centric times, Cynthia and Jenn suggest checking that parent compass to evaluate when to be flexible. For many kids, playing games online and chatting over social media is one of the few ways they’ve been socializing since they haven’t been able to go to school or even just hang out at the park!In our interview, we also discuss the notion of putting away screens entirely. Our interviewees bring up a powerful method practiced by some of their colleagues, in which 24 hours is spent, as a family, away from technology! While this idea may sound terrifying, it can have a multitude of benefits. In the episode, we talk about how disconnecting can really help you and your teen shed anxiety and gain creativity.As educational consultants, Cynthia and Jenn have a lot to say on college admissions–more than any other topic! In our interview, we break down how to handle the ups and downs of applications, acceptances, rejections and everything in between.Erasing Admissions AnxietyFor teens waiting and waiting for that acceptance letter, the pressure can be overwhelming. When parents add their expectations on top of everything else, it’s even harder for kids to handle it all. Teens often need us to remain stable, not add turbulence to their already rocky journey. How can we be kind, supportive guides instead of just turning up the heat ?According to Cynthia and Jenn, the key is to focus less on the result and more on the impressive effort kids are putting in! They do so much just to get to the finish line, that we should be cheering them on when they press submit, not waiting until they get in.When we focus on the result, Cynthia and Jenn explain, we teach kids that things are black and white, separated into success and failure. This discourages them from taking risks or setting lofty goals. Our guests believe it’s better to bring kids into a growth mindset, where they see a path towards improvement instead of unstable ground.Cynthia and Jenn explain how teens can apply this kind of thinking to all of their goals. To help teens get into a growth mindset, they emphasize the value of setting specific objectives, or steps they can take to make progress towards their goals. This brings our lofty ambitions closer to the ground, allowing us to really see what we need to do to achieve our hopes and dreams. In our interview, we also talk about the importance of adjusting goals once teens set them, as life always brings new and unpredictable obstacles.In the Episode…Cynthia and Jenn bring us buckets of wisdom from their 30+ combined years as educational counselors. In addition to the topics above, we discuss…How teachers react to overbearing parentsWhy 3:00 PM is the best time to talk to your teenHow paying kids for grades can backfireWhy you should refrain from posting college acceptances on FacebookWhat happens when you write your teen’s admissions essaysParenting is no easy task, but Jenn and Cynthia can help us develop a compass that allows us to make it through the wilderness. Thank...

Dr. Charlan Nemeth, author of In Defense of Troublemakers, shares her decades of research on underdogs and dissenters with Andy. Turns out troublemakers have hidden superpowers that can make them top-notch critical thinkers and persuaders!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesWith so much fake news flying around on social media and the internet becoming more and more politically polarizing each day, it’s easy to be worried about whether or not our teens can think for themselves. On top of online influences, teens are also susceptible to pressure from their peers in real life, who threaten to paint them as outcasts if they hold a minority opinion. With all these forces against us, raising independent thinkers with their own opinions, values, and moral codes is not easy.To make matters even more challenging, psychological studies inform us that humans are fundamentally wired to abandon our own thoughts and observations to conform to majority opinion. Not only that, but we tend to only associate with those who agree with us–keeping us from questioning our assumptions and challenging our own perspectives. If we want to raise teens with strong critical thinking skills, it might be time to teach them the value of disagreeing with others.That’s why we’re sitting down With Charlan Nemeth this week. Charlan is the author of In Defense of Troublemakers: the Power of Dissent in Life and Business, as well as a professor of psychology at the University of California Berkeley. After working as researcher and consultant specializing in influence and decision making, Charlan has become an expert on the ways dissent can be a powerful force in changing the world.In our interview, Charlan and I discuss how even one dissenter can deeply influence the way a group of people approaches an issue. We also talk about why it can be so hard for teens to present dissenting opinions to their peers, and what parents can do to raise kids who are unafraid to disagree with the majority.Why Dissent is So ValuableWhen we think of a “dissenting opinion”, we may think of someone boldly defying all odds to speak their truth, instantly changing the minds of all who hear! But as Charlan explains in the episode, the effects of dissent can be much more subtle. A dissenter isn’t necessarily going to sway everyone’s opinion...and maybe they shouldn’t. But what dissenters can do, says Charlan, is force us to think outside of the box.When someone is bold enough to defy the opinion of the surrounding herd, they push those around them to question their own reality. They aren’t going to gain everyone’s support right away, and might even find themselves an outcast. But, undeniably, they’ll have an effect on the group, says Charlan. It might not be public, or immediate, but it will rear its head sooner or later. Those who conform to the majority are likely to find themselves questioning their perspective down the line, as a result of even just one dissenting opinion!Too often kids are raised in “bubbles”, and aren’t exposed to any people with opinions that go against their own, says Charlan. Because of this, their minds narrow to only take in evidence that correlates to what they already believe. When faced with divergent opinions, they might be resistant, but will eventually find themselves liberated by the freedom to expand their own consciousness, Charlan explains. And if they open up their minds to the dissenting viewpoints of others, they’ll be open to presenting disagreeable opinions of their own later on.But for teens, exploring ideas that don’t conform to the majority is pretty hard! The social world of teenagerhood places a lot of pressure on teens to not only look, dress, and speak like everyone else–but think like them as well.Why Teens Struggle To Swim Against the CurrentHolding a minority viewpoint is hard for a lot of reasons. The first obstacle to believing something outside the majority is questioning yourself. As Charlan and I discuss in the episode, humans are undeniably inclined to trust the majority view over our own, even denying our own senses! When a group of individuals were told that their entire peer group saw a blue object as green, they chose to categorize it as green, even though objective evidence suggested otherwise.For teens, dissenting is made even more difficult by social pressures, Charlan explains. All humans fear rejection, but no one cowers from it more than the modern teen. Fighting for their place in the brutal social hierarchy of high school, teenagers are remarkably likely to side with the majority, to avoid becoming outcasts. Not only that, but teens tend to group with those who agree with them, only reinforcing the viewpoints they already hold.In the episode, Charlan and I talk about how becoming a dissenter can give kids a strong sense of independence. When they learn to challenge common perspectives, they start to understand that those who live a life of conformity often find themselves unhappy. When they find the courage to define their own beliefs, they can discover that they are capable of influencing others. They might even learn that it’s ok to be different!Raising teens who can think critically is clearly important...so how can parents help teens see the value of dissenting even when it’s difficult?Empowering Teens to Think For ThemselvesWhen it comes to teaching kids to be open minded, Charlan emphasizes the importance of coming from a place of understanding, not authority. She believes that modelling, instead of preaching, is the key to helping kids shed their fear of voicing minority views. Telling kids to think critically is not going to get you anywhere. Instead, Charlan encourages you to show your kid, through action, how valuable it is to challenge majority opinions.Interestingly, she suggests notifying kids when you find yourself at odds with the perspective their friends’ keep. Peer groups tend to keep kids rooted in one mindset, so parents can play an essential role in pushing kids to think differently, says Charlan. She stresses the importance of understanding that your kid will likely not agree with you. They are their own individuals, with unique experiences and values that may not align with yours. Instead of being heavy-handed, Charlan advises encouraging them to come to their own judgements. This models open-minded behavior!In the end, Charlan believes what really matters is empowering kids to be their authentic selves. While dissent can be provocative, it rarely causes any ripples if those dissenting aren’t coming from a place of honesty. Beyond just rocking the boat, teaching kids to speak their truth is what will help them to really change the world. As a parent, being unafraid to express your honest opinions with your child will not only help them question their own perspective , but shows them that they don’t have to be afraid to see things differently.In the Episode…Charlan and I discuss a broad range of interesting research in this week’s episode! In addition to the topics above, we also cover:How consistency makes us more persuasiveWhat Ruth Bader Ginsburg can teach us about authenticityHow you can apply the concept of “late compr...

Ellen Hendriksen, author of How to Be Yourself, clues us in on what might be triggering your teen’s anxiety and perfectionism--and what you can do to help them overcome those and feel comfortable being themselves!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesThe high school social atmosphere is pretty terrifying. You might remember the feeling of your heart beating against your chest as you asked a table full of kids if you could sit with them, or the way you got tongue tied trying to talk to your crush in the hallway. As stressful as it is, it tends to pass in time as kids mature. For many teens, this is just a part of growing up.But for some, social anxiety is a major challenge that keeps them from finding friends and blossoming into confident adults. Too often, these teens let their social anxiety rule their lives. They flee any kind of challenging social interaction, falling into a pattern of avoidance. They never learn to challenge their fears and live in their comfort zones.Today, we’re talking to a social anxiety expert to learn how we can help teens break this cycle. Our guest is Dr. Ellen Hendriksen, author of How to be Yourself: Silence your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety. Dr. Hendriksen is a clinical psychologist and faculty member at the Boston University Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders. She’s also the original host of the Savvy Psychologist podcast, which has been downloaded over 15 million times on Itunes.Dr. Hendriksen has spent years studying social anxiety, and she’s here to share all her expert knowledge with you today. In our interview, we cover what’s really going on in teen’s heads when they’re overwhelmed by social situations. We also get into all the wrong ways teens try to deal with social anxiety, and break down healthier methods for teens to shed the inhibitions that hold them back.The Psychology of Social AnxietyWe all know what social anxiety feels like. But what’s going on in our brains when we’re getting butterflies in our stomach? And how is a socially anxious teenage mind different from that of an adult ? Ellen and I discuss how teenagers have prefrontal cortexes that have yet to fully develop, meaning their rationality can sometimes be lacking. Stressful social situations are instead processed in their amygdala, a part of the brain that regulates emotion. This means that teens are prone to think that a slight social mess-up is a life-ruining disaster.Dr. Hendriksen clarifies the difference between someone with a healthy amount of nerves and someone who might have an anxiety disorder. If social anxiety is a metaphorical fire, she describes the brain’s healthy response as “sending a fire truck” to put it out. For those who are more prone to being overcome with anxiety, she compares the brain’s response as a “man with a bicycle and a bucket of water.” It still works, it’s just slower. These people take more time to calm their nerves and find themselves seriously shook when they feel socially inept.Interestingly, Ellen goes on to explain how social anxiety is really a fear of being “revealed.” Those who grapple with heavy anxiety over talking to strangers or being vulnerable with others often believe that there’s something about them that is wrong or insufficient. Of course, this isn’t true, but it can certainly feel true! For a lot of teens, this feeling is linked to their appearance–maybe they’re self-conscious about their acne or compare their body to those of their peers. In our interview, Dr. Hendriksen and I discuss other ways teens tend to be insecure and how this causes them difficulty in social situations.So how can we help teens who let their social anxiety run their lives? Before we can talk about what we should do, Ellen explains behavior that we shouldn’t encourage, like avoidance, perfectionism, and what she calls “safety behaviors.”How Not to Handle Social AnxietyThere are a lot of ways that teens tend to cope with social anxiety that only lead them further down an anxious rabbit hole. The most typical behavior, Ellen says, is avoidance. When situations make teenagers anxious, the quickest and most rewarding solution is to just get out of there. Dr. Hendriksen explains how this only leads to more anxiety down the line, as teens never learn how to deal with the triggers they’re faced with everyday.In addition, some people develop “safety behaviors”, or methods of shielding themselves from their anxieties. For a lot of socially anxious teens, walking around with headphones is a common safety behavior–it restricts them from talking to anyone, and, in their minds, saves them from embarrassing themselves. However, this behavior only keeps them from making any new friends at all, and in fact sends the message that they’re uninterested in anyone, leaving them to remain on the outskirts.Another problematic tendency teens adopt to try and remedy their anxiety is perfectionism, says Dr. Hendriksen. In order to try and become less insecure, they set certain labels or goals they want to reach. They adopt an attitude of all or nothing–they have to be the prettiest, the funniest, and the coolest, or they’re not worthy of having friends at all. But then they find themselves feeling ashamed when they can’t meet their own standards, says Ellen. And when they feel bad, they strive for their high standards to “fix” themselves, only to fall into a cycle.If these mechanisms only lead to disaster, what can we do to help kids beat their anxiety for the long term?Healthy Ways to Work on Social StressThankfully, Dr. Hendriksen has plenty of methods for dealing with social anxiety that are actually effective . One very powerful practice is cognitive restructuring. This entails challenging the natural, irrational assumptions of an anxious brain. Those with social anxiety might assume that talking to strangers will go horribly wrong, that they’ll be called names and the whole world will explode.The first step of cognitive restructuring is narrowing down what it is you’re afraid of. Anxiety tends to be vague, Ellen explains. Teens might have generalized fears of public speaking, but what is it exactly that they fear will happen?Let’s say your teen afraid that the whole crowd will laugh at them. The next step, says Dr. Hendriksen, is to help them evaluate just how statistically likely it is that their fear will occur. Have people laughed at them during a speech before? How often does that really happen? And if they still think their fear is likely to unfold in front of them, have them ask themselves how bad it would be if their fear did come true. Yes, they would be embarrassed, but chances are, the people in the room would forget about their speech by the next day and life would go on as normal.In addition to cognitive restructuring, Dr. Hendriksen emphasizes the importance of breaking the cycle of avoidance. Teens need to breach their comfort zones, she says, in order to truly leave their anxiety in the dust. When they face their fears, their brains gather data to understand just how greatly they overestimated the danger. They can dive back in with less fear when they’re challenged again. For socially anxious teens, going u...

Dr. Michele Borba, author of Thrivers and Unselfie, offers up research-based ways to help teens thrive. We’ll delve into some of the seven key traits parents can teach their teen to set them up for success.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesWe would do anything for our kids to be successful. That’s why we sign them up for SAT prep classes, make sure they practice piano every day and watch their report cards like hawks. If they can get good test scores they can go to a good college, then get a job with benefits until hopefully they don’t need us at all anymore! So long as we ensure their meeting the marks academically, we’re giving them everything they could ever need...right?Well, not quite. When we look at the research, we find that kids with the highest grades aren’t necessarily the most successful. Those deemed “gifted” don’t always become lawyers and CEOs if they don’t know how to work hard or persevere through adversity. In fact, when interviewed, kids in generation Z often feel like they’ve just been brought up as a product to fulfill certain standards–not as a well rounded human being.How can we raise kids to not just fit the bill of academic perfection, but actually find lasting success and happiness? In other words, how can we help them thrive? Our guest today, Michele Borba is here to answer that very question. She’s the author of Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine. After conducting years of research, she's discovered the key traits of the world’s most prosperous people. She’s here today to tell parents how they can pass along the recipe for a bountiful and fulfilling life to their kids.In our interview, she explains how you can guide teens to discover their core assets to ensure they’re on the pathway to prosperity. We also discuss how you can instill strong values in your teen and why it’s important for teens to have a high level of agency in their everyday lives.Helping Your Teen Find their Super PowerAs a parent, it’s easy to fall into a cycle of trying to correct a kid's faults instead of encouraging them to pursue their strengths. We want kids to be their best selves, but sometimes hyper fixating on their problems can be much less helpful than cheering on their natural gifts. Later in life when they’re trying to pick a college or a career, they’ll find themselves drowning in strength assessments or find themselves in an interview, being asked what they do best, says Michele. If we don’t help them discover their abilities, they won’t even know where to start!Michele encourages parents to help kids identify their core assets, or their most prominent passions and skills. She suggests that parents sit down and ask themselves: what do my kids do well? What do I see them prioritizing frequently? Where are they naturally inclined? You might find the answer lies in a hobby. While some think of hobbies as mere distractions, Michele believes they’re extremely powerful in allowing kids to discover themselves. Hobbies help teens develop perseverance, and challenge them to strive for improvement.When you do figure out what it is that your kids do best, Michele advises against giving them trophies and accolades. These things only lead to self absorption, she says. Instead, she suggests simply acknowledging how skilled or talented they are, giving them an extra boost of confidence. Although you may not see it, your encouragement means a lot. With some kind words from you, they’ll feel ready to take on the world, says Michele.Along with giving them the confidence to succeed, Michele emphasizes the importance of passing down values to your kids. When you’re not around, these guiding principles will help kids get themselves out of sticky situations and lead their best lives.Instilling Strong Values in TeensHelping teens develop strong values comes down to how you talk to them when they behave badly, says Michele. When kids are acting up, it can be easy to just tell them to knock it off and leave it at that. But Michele proposes linking your scolding with a positive value. Instead of just calling your kid a trouble-maker and imparting punitive measures, Michele recommends guiding kids to examine what their less-than-stellar behavior might say about the content of their character.Michele lays out some steps you can take when encouraging your teen to think through their actions, which she calls “name, frame, and reclaim.” It starts by defining what you stand for as a parent, what lines you won’t allow kids to cross. Then, when kids do cross the line, she says call them on it, and name exactly how they’ve violated your family’s principles. Michele emphasizes the value of demonstrating to kids why their actions are wrong, and then giving them the power to explain how they’ll handle the situation differently next time.This method leads kids to internalize a value system, explains Michele. This is more important than reminding teens of whatever rule they broke, as these principles are what will stick with them as they move through life, Michele says. When challenged by forces like peer pressure, kids will have a code of ethics to keep them from falling into bad situations. In the episode, Michele and I discuss how important it can be to be repetitive about these values, to make sure they really stick in kids’ heads.Beyond just skills and values, kids need to develop some independence before they’re out on their own. If they’re thrown into life without having a sense of self sufficiency, they may come crawling back to the nest. In the episode, Michele and I detail how you can help kids find agency, even while they’re still living under your roof.Fostering a Sense of AgencyMichele believes teens who have an attitude of self sufficiency are headed for brighter futures. Teenagers who think parents or teachers will pick up their slack and solve their problems are not likely to find themselves on the path to success any time soon, says Michele. That being said, it isn’t easy to raise teens who can always fend for themselves.There’s a fine line between imbuing independence and leaving teens to the wolves.If you want to raise empowered teens, Michele says to start small. Start with the basics. Maybe they can start by taking care of the dog all on their own. Show kids what to do, giving them constructive criticism, Michele says. She recommends slowly building to bigger steps, like letting them stay at home with the dog alone on the weekend. The goal, Michele explains, is to stretch kids like a rubber band, gradually giving them the practice they need to expand their abilities over time.If kids mess up along the way, that’s ok too. In the episode, Michele and I talk about how essential it is that we allow kids to fail. Kids who are comfortable failing are comfortable taking risks and thinking outside the box, meaning they’re ready to deliver innovative ideas and find creative solutions for the world’s most pressing problems.In the Episode….We’ve only scratched the surface of all the amazing content in this interview. Michele was a joy to have as a guest this week and had so much to teach us! We also talk about:How kids exhibit different kinds of empath...