Unshamed & Unchained: Carving Space For Self-Healing & Habit Transformation

We do it. Our wives do it."I should have known better" seems like a helpful story. But it's hurting you more than you know. How to be less obsessed about making the right decision and more focused on making the best decision you can.When we bash ourselves for decisions we made in the past, we can unknowingly extinguish the confidence and trust in ourselves that we could be accessing now.Confidence and trust that would help you make better decisions now and in the future.We expect to be duped again.We buy into the idea that we must just not be cut out for this.We practice this story that our decisions were "not enough."It creates distress which can literally shut off the creative and problem-solving part of your brain.When we are willing to view our past selves through this new lens, it better allows us to do the best we can do at this time.Turn off the doubting and 2nd guessing.Turn on the creative and problem-solving part of your brain.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMkSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or strained relationships To heal, sustain, enrich, and maintain a high level of performance in ALL areas of your life (and change unwanted habits), WITHOUT adding more hustle/exhaustion to the equation. Danny also has years of experience helping guys stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life so good that porn becomes irrelevant. He originally created this podcast to help those who are struggling with porn in their marriage and lives, and who know deep down there's something "more" for them if they just learn the skill of doing life porn free.

Looking at porn is a quick, easy way to get a big dopamine hit that tricks our brains into thinking it accomplished something important to our survival.Often times, when guys want to learn to stop looking at porn, they want to take this same approach.Where's the magic pill that makes my desire for porn go away?If I had it, I would have taken it years ago. And I'd be selling it for millions of dollars right now.But if we use the same quick/easy approach in our efforts to quit porn, we'll just keep turning to porn.To quit porn, you need to learn to play the long game. You need to be willing to let it get harder before it gets easier.You need to be willing to:1. Feel uncomfortable AND2. Stay committed.Let's talk about both of these.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMkSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or strained relationships To heal, sustain, enrich, and maintain a high level of performance in ALL areas of your life (and change unwanted habits), WITHOUT adding more hustle/exhaustion to the equation. Danny also has years of experience helping guys stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life so good that porn becomes irrelevant. He originally created this podcast to help those who are struggling with porn in their marriage and lives, and who know deep down there's something "more" for them if they just learn the skill of doing life porn free.

You are unique. You are one of a kind. Nobody is arguing with that.But it’s possible to take this mentality to an unhelpful level. To a level that:-halts your ability to change-prevents growth-shoots yourself in the footIt’s called Special Snowflake Syndrome.Signs you might be doing this would be if you are thinking:-That works for other people but not for me.-I’m extra broken.-I always have compassion for others in these scenarios, but not for me.-My situation is just different because______-I should know better.-Other people just don’t understand.Basically, special snowflake syndrome is creating an excuse for why something is impossible for you and then believing it, as though it’s a fact.We talk about why do this.3 elements of Special Syndrome:1. Victim mentality. (Impossible)2. Wanting to believe that something is particularly special, hard, and difficult about our lives.3. A way to isolate ourselves.What the Drama Triangle is and how this comes into play here?Some ways that we appreciate our uniqueness are helpful.Other ways, not so much.You’re invited to join our conversation about it, increase your awareness, and get intentional about your approach.What if you can both appreciate your special-ness (your unique abilities and what only you can offer the world) AND recognize our shared human experience in an empowering, healing way.We can isolate and go it alone. Or we can choose to be in this together.What approach serves you best to create the life you’re wanting?We want to hear from YOU, individually.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMkSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or strained relationships To heal, sustain, enrich, and maintain a high level of performance in ALL areas of your life (and change unwanted habits), WITHOUT adding more hustle/exhaustion to the equation. Danny also has years of experience helping guys stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life so good that porn becomes irrelevant. He originally created this podcast to help those who are struggling with porn in their marriage and lives, and who know deep down there's something "more" for them if they just learn the skill of doing life porn free.

If you think you can’t afford to spend time self-coaching, we ask you this:What if you can’t afford not to self-coach?Self-coaching is a way to practice managing your own mind.We’re talking about how having a regular practice of self-coaching can actually create more time for you.How it can create more ease and clarity in your life.Less willpower-battling and more sustainable power.Why people don’t want to do it.Some of the pitfalls people run in to.Our personal experience with self-coaching and just how impactful it has been.Accelerate your desired results by starting with managing your mind.Repetition is key.We offer a basic, step by step way to get started.Our clients who utilize regular self-coaching progress toward their goals much faster.What if you prioritized meetings with yourself the way you would a meeting with the most “important” person in the world?You are the CEO of your own life, after all.An invitation.Link to Danny’s blog post (on his old website), “It May Surprise You What a Year of Coaching Did For Me. It Sure Surprised Me!”:https://iamoutofmymind.wpcomstaging.com/2020/01/10/it-may-surprise-you-what-a-year-of-coaching-did-for-me-it-sure-surprised-me/Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMkSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or strained relationships To heal, sustain, enrich, and maintain a high level of performance in ALL areas of your life (and change unwanted habits), WITHOUT adding more hustle/exhaustion to the equation. Danny also has years of experience helping guys stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life so good that porn becomes irrelevant. He originally created this podcast to help those who are struggling with porn in their marriage and lives, and who know deep down there's something "more" for them if they just learn the skill of doing life porn free.

Lots of people want to feel validated, but what does that mean? And what does that look like in marriage?Don’t expect your validation to all come from one person. (Have a few different sources for different subjects)The most important person to get validation from is yourself.You don’t have to validate anyone that you don’t want to.Be willing to recognize whether validation is the most helpful thing for you in that moment.When is validation useful?When is validation not useful?Even if other people validate and agree with you, you are still responsible for how you choose to think/feel/act.Validation is comfortable. While “being comforted” can be nice, comfort doesn’t always lead to growth.Safety + Discomfort -> GrowthLindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMkSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or strained relationships To heal, sustain, enrich, and maintain a high level of performance in ALL areas of your life (and change unwanted habits), WITHOUT adding more hustle/exhaustion to the equation. Danny also has years of experience helping guys stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life so good that porn becomes irrelevant. He originally created this podcast to help those who are struggling with porn in their marriage and lives, and who know deep down there's something "more" for them if they just learn the skill of doing life porn free.

Alternatives to people pleasing:The importance of wanting.Charity: pure love.Permission to say “no” helps saying “yes” genuinely come from you.Do you think you should be abandoned? Do you think you are worth being married too? I mean the REAL you. We make this about how others judge us, but it’s about how we judge ourselves.If people you care about are upset with you, and you don’t see this as anything having gone wrong, how different would your approach be?How to show up and support your spouse even better in this situation.Personal experience with doing the dishes.If you are not in a position to talk about something at the moment, say “no” and find another time that can be a genuine “yes” from both of you.It’s not other people’s job to like me, that’s my job.“I love you. And, ’No.’”Improve your life and relationships through less people pleasing.You can do things you don’t want to do, just tell yourself the truth about it.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMkSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or strained relationships To heal, sustain, enrich, and maintain a high level of performance in ALL areas of your life (and change unwanted habits), WITHOUT adding more hustle/exhaustion to the equation. Danny also has years of experience helping guys stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life so good that porn becomes irrelevant. He originally created this podcast to help those who are struggling with porn in their marriage and lives, and who know deep down there's something "more" for them if they just learn the skill of doing life porn free.

People pleasing comes up a lot with people we work with.It promotes shame and secrecy, not being authentic to yourself.It can interfere with intimacy and connection and healthier relationship.How we see this show up in people’s marriages.The term “people pleasing” sounds too pretty, too pleasant.We’re talking about what people pleasing really is.How to spot it.Why we do it.Why it can almost feel like life-or-death.How to do something constructive about it.Some personal experiences.Maybe you’re worried that honesty with her will limit your access to porn AND to sex with her at the same time.If you don’t know how to control your habits/urges yet, or how to want life without porn, this can be very threatening.Why trying to change how your spouse feels (help them feel better) isn’t always the most useful approach.Part 2 coming next week.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMkSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or strained relationships To heal, sustain, enrich, and maintain a high level of performance in ALL areas of your life (and change unwanted habits), WITHOUT adding more hustle/exhaustion to the equation. Danny also has years of experience helping guys stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life so good that porn becomes irrelevant. He originally created this podcast to help those who are struggling with porn in their marriage and lives, and who know deep down there's something "more" for them if they just learn the skill of doing life porn free.

What kind of thoughts are grounding?Which ones aren’t?Thoughts create Feelings, Feelings drive Actions, Actions create Results.The results in your life start with your thoughts.Thoughts are optional.What if you knew that you could handle any emotion or body sensation (or urge) that came your way?What would that be like?How do you start creating a more fully engaged human experience for yourself?Reframing things in your mind can make all the difference. So let’s do it intentionally. Because it’s life-changing in all the most important ways.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMkSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or strained relationships To heal, sustain, enrich, and maintain a high level of performance in ALL areas of your life (and change unwanted habits), WITHOUT adding more hustle/exhaustion to the equation. Danny also has years of experience helping guys stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life so good that porn becomes irrelevant. He originally created this podcast to help those who are struggling with porn in their marriage and lives, and who know deep down there's something "more" for them if they just learn the skill of doing life porn free.

Like an electrical circuit, the human body has energy and even literally electricity flowing through it.Thoughts and emotions have energy to them.But what do you do when it feels like there is a short circuit?What can you do with the excess energy or the energy that’s stuck? Or with emotional pain that seems overwhelming?Or with urges that seem overpowering?Grounding is a place to start.It is a skill you can learn.Some activities may be more naturally grounding for you. Find what works for you.Some different ideas on how to approach grounding.When it comes down to it, where you place your focus can make almost any activity either grounding or not grounding.Tune in to Part 2 next week for tips on how to involve that most important part in your grounding. The part of you where it all begins: your brain.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMkSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or strained relationships To heal, sustain, enrich, and maintain a high level of performance in ALL areas of your life (and change unwanted habits), WITHOUT adding more hustle/exhaustion to the equation. Danny also has years of experience helping guys stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life so good that porn becomes irrelevant. He originally created this podcast to help those who are struggling with porn in their marriage and lives, and who know deep down there's something "more" for them if they just learn the skill of doing life porn free.

How do you approach your decisions about money in your marriage?Do you feel insecure? Get defensive? Do you just defer to the one making the money to make the “big” money decisions?This comes up for people all the time in our conversations with them.When Danny stopped working for a time, and Lindsay began working, it felt like our world got turned upside down.It was challenging. There were doubts, insecurities, friction to be worked through.You don’t need your circumstances to become drastic or dire to learn these valuable lessons from our experience. You may able to relate to the unhelpful thinking patterns we discovered during this time.Why we struggle having conversations about money or making decisions about money as a couple?Some helpful strategies.Some alternative ways to think about it without limiting yourself.What it means to be a provider and why this is so important.How going to bat for yourself can actually help your loved one and your relationship.A funny example.Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.comLindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awarenessFor Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8lSubmit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMkSTART WITH THIS: (FREE MINI-COURSE) 5 DAYS TO UNWIND: STRESS REDUCTION FOR DYNAMIC DOCTOR DADS (click here)CLICK HERE to learn more about or for access to RISE GROUP COACHING CALLS: https://www.dannypoelman.com/rise-coaching-calls Check out Danny's Instagram here: @dannypoelmancoachingReady to work with Danny? Schedule a free consultation here: Work With MeWebsite: https://www.dannypoelman.com Danny Poelman is a certified life coach who helps Doctor-Dads Dealing With: burnout, stress, trauma, unwanted habits, and/or strained relationships To heal, sustain, enrich, and maintain a high level of performance in ALL areas of your life (and change unwanted habits), WITHOUT adding more hustle/exhaustion to the equation. Danny also has years of experience helping guys stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life so good that porn becomes irrelevant. He originally created this podcast to help those who are struggling with porn in their marriage and lives, and who know deep down there's something "more" for them if they just learn the skill of doing life porn free.