Securely Attached

Dr. Sarah Bren
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Jul 24, 2025 โ€ข 18min

Q&A: What's the best way to explain and prepare my toddler for my upcoming surgery without scaring them?

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about... How to prepare a toddler for a parent's surgery or temporary physical limitations in a way that is honest, concrete, and not scary. Creative, developmentally appropriate ways to help your child understand and process upcoming changes to routinesโ€”like playtime, bedtime, or physical closeness. The power of play, role-playing with toys, and using analogies to help kids grasp abstract concepts. What to expect behaviorally from your child during your recovery and strategies for responding to potential regressions or increased irritability. How to reframe this period as a chance to foster independence and pride in your child while still maintaining connection. The surprising importance of shifting focus to what you still can do with your child, and how to create new, meaningful rituals during a difficult time. Why prioritizing your own healingโ€”both physically and emotionallyโ€”is one of the most supportive things you can do for your child. ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: ๐ŸŽง Listen to my podcast episode about how to understand toddlerhood with the authors of the Terrific Toddlers series ๐ŸŽง Listen to my podcast episode about how to tell your toddler you're pregnant ๐ŸŽง Listen to my podcast episode about telling your toddler about a miscarriage WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!
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Jul 22, 2025 โ€ข 51min

When your partner feels like a roommate: Why couples can feel disconnected after kids and what to do to reconnect with Chelsea Skaggs

Chelsea Skaggs is here to talk about how couples can keep your romantic relationship strong as you move beyond from early stages of survival mode deeper into parenthood. Together we explore: How the demands of parenting shift as your children grow, and what that means for your romantic connection. Tips for getting your partner on board if only one of you feels ready to work on deepening your connection. Simple and practical strategies for attuning to your partner and "reading" the room for your best chance of success feeling a deepened connection. Navigating mismatched energy levels and intentions so bids for connection aren't thwarted. A power tool anyone can implement right away that can be help you to break out of reactive patterns. How your own nervous system regulation can be a starting point for closeness, including what polyvagal theory teaches us about this. Addressing resentment as a signal of unmet needsโ€”and how to get to the root rather than staying stuck in this toxic loop. Why it's essential to focus on what's within your control and give yourself permission to care for yourself, instead of blaming your partner for meeting their needs. If you're ready to move beyond just getting through the day and reconnect with your partner in a deeper way, this conversation is for you. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: ๐Ÿ”— https://www.postpartumtogether.com/ ๐ŸŽง 57. Sex after baby: How to reconnect and increase intimacy with your partner with Chelsea Skaggs ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿป Click HERE for my workshop, Be the Calm in Your Child's Storm: How to Keep Your Cool When Your Child Loses Theirs, to get the exact therapeutic interventions I use with my patients that can change the way your brain and body interprets your child's dysregulation to help you stay cool in the heat of the moment. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: ๐ŸŽง 59. Sex after baby part II: When we want to want it but we're just touched out ๐ŸŽง 244. Understanding parental dysregulation: How to identify and manage your triggers with Dr. Amber Thornton ๐ŸŽง 148. Unlocking the power of polyvagal theory: Using the nervous system to wire our children for resilience, with Seth Porges ๐ŸŽง 115. Q&A: Can you get stuck in a state of fight-or-flight?
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Jul 17, 2025 โ€ข 26min

Q&A: What should I do if my partner and I disagree on how to handle our child's ADHD?

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about... What you can do if you're wondering: "Is my kid's ADHD diagnosis real or do I have an active 10-year-old kid?" How to evaluate the accuracy of a diagnosis and what steps to take if you're unsure or want a second opinion. Practical tools you can use to support your childโ€”diagnosis or not. Strategies for becoming more aligned with your partner on how to handle parenting challenges and support your child's needs. What is a behavioral observation tracker, and how it can help you decide which interventions would be most helpful to use. The surprising truth about warmth and respect and why erring more on the side of warmth might actually be the key to creating change. (Want to learn more about parenting styles? Check out our episode on the benefits of authoritative parenting.) The parenting patterns we can become entrenched in, and a path forward to getting more on the same page. REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES: ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿป At Upshur Bren Psychology Group, we offer a range of services including parenting coaching, neuropsychological evaluations, and ADHD-focused support groups for both kids and parents. Whether you're looking to better understand your child's diagnosis, explore tools and strategies that actually work, or get on the same page with your co-parent, we're here to help. Go to upshurbren.com or SCHEDULE A FREE CALL to learn more about the available resources for your unique needs. ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿป Click HERE to download my free guide on effectively disciplining your child with strategies that don't utilize shame or guilt - but still work to get your child to behave! ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: ๐ŸŽง Listen to my podcast episode about neuropsych evaluations with Dr. Yael Rothman & Dr. Katia Fredriksen ๐ŸŽง Listen to my podcast episode about helping your child with ADHD utilize school support systems without feeling embarrassed ๐ŸŽง Listen to my podcast episode about connecting and supporting your neurodiverse child with Dr. Norrine Russell WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!
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Jul 15, 2025 โ€ข 53min

Peaceful Parenting strategies for navigating tantrums, big feelings, screen time and more with Dr. Laura Markham

Clinical psychologist and author of the bestselling Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, Dr. Laura Markham joins me for a rich conversation about what peaceful parenting really means โ€” and how it can help you set firm, loving limits while staying deeply connected to your child. Together we explore: Why connection, not control, is the true foundation of cooperation and emotional resilience. What setting limits with empathy looks like in real life (and why it's not the same as being permissive). The surprising way laughter can help your child release built-up stress and unshed tears. Practical tools to respond to big feelings like anger, sadness, and aggression โ€” without adding more fuel to your child's fire. Why behaviorism often oversimplifies how kids learn and grow and what advances in neuroscience reveal are how humans actually learn best. Why the goal of parenting isn't perfectly calm, compliant kids โ€” but helping them build the neural wiring for lifelong emotional regulation. If you've ever felt torn between being "too strict" or "too soft," or overwhelmed by the endless parenting advice out there, this episode will help you zoom out, get grounded, and focus on what really matters for your child โ€” and for you. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: ๐Ÿ“š https://www.peacefulparenthappykids.com/ ๐Ÿ“š Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting ๐Ÿ“š Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook: Using Mindfulness and Connection to Raise Resilient, Joyful Children and Rediscover Your Love of Parenting ๐Ÿ“š Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Life ADDITIONAL RESOURCES: ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿป Go to drsarahbren.com/discipline to download my free guide on effectively disciplining your child with strategies that don't utilize shame or guilt - but still work to get your child to behave! ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿป Go to drsarahbren.com/bethecalm for my workshop, Be the Calm in Your Child's Storm: How to Keep Your Cool When Your Child Loses Theirs, to get the exact therapeutic interventions I use with my patients that can change the way your brain and body interprets your child's dysregulation to help you stay cool in the heat of the moment. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: ๐ŸŽง 39. Understanding parenting styles and the benefits of an authoritative approach: Q&A with Dr. Emily Upshur ๐ŸŽง 06. Teaching children emotion regulation skills through coregulation with Dana Rosenbloom ๐ŸŽง 234. Parenting with the "Whole-Brain": How to work with the brain rather than fight against with Dr. Dan Siegel
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Jul 10, 2025 โ€ข 22min

Q&A: Am I holding my child back by letting them skip social events?

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about... How to find the grey space in your parenting choices and how black and white thinking can be a sign of your own anxiety and overwhelm. The difference between being wishy-washy and intentionally shifting your strategy. How to use "love and limits" to navigate situations that may feel overwhelming to your child. Why these activities may be more difficult for kids during the summer than during the school year, and how to factor in some of the tools you may not even have known were in place during the year. What it means to "shrink a kid's world" and how parents can do that while still stretching their kid just enough. How parents can help determine which activities to push your child to do and which to pull back from. Why it might be harder for you to enforce boundaries during the summer, and a helpful mindset shift you can use to feel more comfortable with your choices. How you can build your child's social skills and strengthen their emotional intelligence. ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: ๐ŸŽง Listen to my podcast episode about why birthday parties are so triggering for some kids ๐ŸŽง Listen to my podcast episode about encouraging shy children without making them feel bad about it ๐ŸŽง Listen to my podcast episode about temperament and personality with Dr. Koraly Pรฉrez-Edgar WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!
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Jul 8, 2025 โ€ข 56min

Navigating divorce or separation through a family systems approach: Preventative steps to reduce the risk of insecure attachment with Una Archer

Una Archer joins me for a thoughtful conversation about how to help children feel safe, secure, and resilient in the face of their parents' separation or divorce. Together we explore: Why there's no one-size-fits-all approach to separation, even among siblings, and why tuning into each child's unique needs matters. What the Circle of Security framework is and how it can be used to support children's attachment during major family transitions. The three core emotional needs that children rely on to feel secure, and how parents can meet these needs in everyday moments (check the show notes for a helpful visual!). How to separate your own trauma and fears from your child's experience so you can truly see and respond to them without projection. Why allowing more time and slowness during transitions isn't a setback, but an important part of healing and connection. The power of rupture and repair in relationships and practical ways parents can engage in repair after conflict or misunderstanding. How different family structures after separationโ€”sometimes two distinct family systemsโ€”can be healthy depending on what your family needs. Navigating the challenges of co-parenting, including managing handoffs and stepping back when it's not your parenting time. If you're looking for compassionate, practical guidance on fostering secure attachment for your children through big changes, this conversation is full of insights and tools you won't want to miss! LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: https://www.helpyourchildthrive.co.uk/ The Separated Parent's Guide to Attachment: 3 Steps Towards Emotional Security ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿป If you're currently in the midst of separation, moving forward after divorce, or adjusting to life post-split, Upshur Bren Psychology Group's weekly virtual Divorce Process Group for Women provides a safe space for woemen to process their emotions, gain support, and build strategies for moving forward. Visit https://upshurbren.com/group-womensdivorce or schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to learn more. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: ๐ŸŽง https://drsarahbren.com/42-busting-divorce-myths-and-breaking-down-the-true-effect-it-has-on-children-a-conversation-with-michelle-dempsey-multack ๐ŸŽง 277. Q&A: Is "nesting" during a divorce better for your kids? ๐ŸŽง 280. Codependency, insecure attachment, and relationship patterns: Creating stronger, healthier romantic partnerships with Alana Carvalho ๐ŸŽง 102. Breaking the cycle of insecure attachment: How to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with Dr. Miriam Steele
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Jul 3, 2025 โ€ข 21min

Q&A: What is the best response to my kid who is constantly saying, "I'm bored"?

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about... When your child says "I'm bored" does that actually mean they are? How to decode their language to get to the root of their struggles. What is a developmentally appropriate amount of time parents can expect of their children to play independently? What is a "bored list" and a "bored box" and how can you create these tools to help with the summer slump. How self-regulation and executive functioning play a part in your child's feelings of boredom and how understanding this can help you scaffold more effectively. How to use a few minutes of connection time as a bridge into helping your child become engrossed in an activity on their own. A trick for determining if your child may just need help getting started with an activity, especially when going into a new environment or situation, like a park, pool, or playground. In our highly stimulating world, kids can express feeling bored when things are a bit slower. How to off-set this to find more balance. ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: ๐ŸŽง Listen to my podcast episode about how screens affect regulation with Ale Duarte ๐ŸŽง Listen to my podcast episode about how you can encourage independent play ๐ŸŽง Listen to my podcast episode about how to help your child maintain their friendships over the summer WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!
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Jul 1, 2025 โ€ข 50min

Why boys and girls need different things: The neuroscience of the sexes with Michael Gurian

New York Times bestselling author, therapist, and social philosopher Michael Gurian joins me for a fascinating conversation about the brain science behind why boys and girls often need different thingsโ€”and how understanding these differences can help us raise emotionally healthy, resilient kids. Together we explore: The difference between sex and gender. Why boys' brains often orient more toward spatial and kinesthetic activities, and how this shapes the way they bond and communicate. The surprising brain-based reason empathy often comes more easily to girls than boys and how to nurture empathy in boys. How school systems unintentionally disadvantage boys and practical things parents can do at home to help them thrive. Why "use your words" doesn't always work for boysโ€”and how to support emotional expression in more body-based, multisensory ways. The crucial distinction between healthy aggression and violence and why rough-and-tumble play can actually build resilience and connection. How maternal and paternal nurturing styles differ and how each uniquely supports children's development. How understanding these biological and developmental differences can help reduce conflict, build trust, and support each child's unique strengths. If you're curious about what neuroscience can teach us about the different ways boys and girls develop, connect, and express themselvesโ€”and how this understanding can help you parent more effectivelyโ€”this episode is filled with research-based insights and practical tools you won't want to miss! LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿป https://www.michaelgurian.com/ ๐Ÿ“š Boys, A Rescue Plan: Moving Beyond the Politics of Masculinity to Healthy Male Development ๐ŸŽง Wonder of Parenting - A Brain-Science Approach to Parenting CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: ๐ŸŽง 214. Raising emotionally intelligent sons: Parenting boys to combat "toxic masculinity" with Ruth Whippman ๐ŸŽง 286. Empowering girls to navigate media, body image, and societal pressures with Dr. Jo-Ann Finkelstein ๐ŸŽง 149. Q&A: How to answer your kid's questions about gender
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Jun 26, 2025 โ€ข 22min

Q&A: Where's the line between supporting my child and feeding their anxiety?

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about... What "scaffolding" and "accommodations" actually mean, where they differ, and where they overlap. Why the exact same parenting move can either build your child's confidence or unintentionally undermine your intentions, and the simple trick to figure out which one you're doing! How your child's discomfort plays a role in how you respond to them, and the important information that can reveal to us as parents. A real-life example of the difference between scaffolding versus over-accommodating when you have a child with social anxiety - a helpful framework for what to do and what to try to avoid doing. How scaffolding is specifically tied to skill-building, both emotionally and practically. Why your own bandwidth matters and how to balance consistency with realistic expectations. REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES: ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿป Are you parenting a child with anxiety or OCD and looking for tools to support them? CLICK HERE to learn more about Upshur Bren Psychology Group's SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) program or SCHEDULE A FREE CALL to see if it's the right fit for your family. ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: ๐ŸŽง Listen to my podcast episode about supporting kids through fears with Jennie Monness ๐ŸŽง Listen to my podcast episode about separation anxiety ๐ŸŽง Listen to my podcast episode about SPACE with the creator of this modality Dr. Eli Lebowitz of the Yale Child Study Center WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!
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Jun 24, 2025 โ€ข 55min

The neuroscience of control: Helping kids cope with stress and become self-driven with Dr. William Stixrud

Clinical neuropsychologist and co-author of The Self-Driven Child, Dr. William Stixrud joins me for a powerful conversation about how we can raise confident, resilient kids by helping them feel a greater sense of control, without giving up our role as parents. Together we explore: Why a low sense of control is one of the most stressful experiences a child (or adult) can have, and how we can support our kids in feeling more agentful in their lives. How secure attachment and autonomy are deeply connectedโ€”and why attachment must come first. What SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) is and how parents can use techniques from this modality whether your child has anxiety or not. Why Dr. Stixrud started saying "I love you too much to fight with you about homework" and how you can use this too to defuse power struggles and build internal motivation. Tips for how parents can more successfully respond to children's behaviors that they can't control, like tantrums, hitting, or screaming. Why stepping in too often can interrupt neurological processes that help kids learn, adapt, and build resilience. How to support self-driven learning, encourage safe risk-taking, and build a foundation of mutual respect in your family. If you're looking to reduce conflict and build more trust in your parent-child relationship, this conversation is filled with evidence-based insight and practical tools you won't want to miss! LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿป https://stixrud.com/ ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: ๐Ÿ“š The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives ๐Ÿ“š What Do You Say?: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home ๐Ÿ“š The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook ๐ŸŽง The Self-Driven Child Podcast ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿป Learned Helplessness at Fifty: Insights from Neuroscience CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: ๐ŸŽง 72. Supportive parenting for anxious childhood emotions space how a new treatment for childhood anxiety and OCD is revolutionizing care with Dr. Eli Lebowitz ๐ŸŽง 244. Understanding parental dysregulation: How to identify and manage your triggers with Dr. Amber Thornton ๐ŸŽง 146. The hidden dangers of an achievement centric approach with Jennifer Breheny Wallace ๐ŸŽง 206. Picky eating, ARFID, and SPACE: How a new anxiety treatment can help your child be more flexible around food with Dr. Yaara Shimshoni

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