Memoir Snob

Here’s what I learned from my conversation with Virginia DeLuca about her memoir, If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets:-When you include your thoughts that are unkind, immature, or that you’re embarrassed to admit, it’s funny and relatable. “In the bedroom, I grab two boxes and throw in Perry's shirts, belts, ties, underwear, shorts, and pants, and dump them in the garage. Hopefully, they'll mildew.”-Sometimes you need an outside perspective to title your book. You, as the writer, are too close to it. Fresh eyes on the manuscript could see something you don’t. Virginia used a company called Title Doctor.-When you’re writing a scene about your younger self, think of how that version of you is different from your current self. In Virginia’s case, she used to curse a lot and avoided direct confrontation with her mother, so in the scene, she cursed (only once; otherwise it would have been distracting), and when he mother asked her questions she responded in other ways: shrugging off the jacket she didn’t want, and cursing in her mind, wondering where her ride was. -Endings are hard! According to Virginia, “It’s hard to sign out.” She wrote an Epilogue five years later, and ended with dialogue—a conversation with her ex-husband. Originally, the exchange was supposed to be at the beginning of the book. Late in the writing process, she moved it to the end. -Virginia published her book through Apprentice House Press, the nation’s first and largest entirely student-managed book publisher. They don’t require an agent. University presses are a great way to publish your book if you don’t self-publish or go through a traditional publisher. -Write fan letters to your favorite writers! Virginia wrote a fan letter to Abigail Thomas. She wrote that it was her first fan letter, told her how much she loved her writing, and that she had had a small writing success. Abigail responded immediately and said no writing success is small, and asked Virginia to share the link for the article she had published. Later, Virginia asked her to write a blurb. Abigail read her manuscript and wrote a blurb that said, “I’ve never quite felt this way before with any other book.” -Virginia’s advice, when I asked about publishing my first book, was to get into a writers group. You need a few people to read your writing and see how everything is landing.

Here’s what I learned from my conversation with Kate Gies, author of It Must Be Beautiful To Be Finished:-The key to writing about someone you love who you’ve also been hurt by, is to write with empathy. Think about their perspective and their experience and be generous and loving when you do. -Be wary of the please-feel-bad-for-me voice-Analogies should be both fresh and accurate-Metaphors written as standalone chapters, without any reference to how they relate to your story, are a powerful way to trust the reader and not hit them over the head with they're meaning. -The most important person in getting her book published was her agent.-Three memoirs that have inspired her writing.

Amy Wilson, author of *Happy To Help: Adventures of a People Pleaser*, dives into the humorous and complicated world of motherhood. She shares how vivid storytelling shapes her writing, turning everyday experiences into comedy gold. The conversation highlights the emotional complexities of parenting, especially through trying times, while emphasizing the importance of humor in memoirs. Amy explores modern book marketing and the evolution of her parenting podcast, revealing how authenticity and relatability connect with audiences.

Here’s what I learned from Happy To Help: Adventures of a People Pleaser by Amy Wilson:Include your fantasies. It’s especially funny if you can incorporate four levels in the build up to the punchline:First: set the scene—what’s about to happenSecond: set the stakes—why is this a big dealThird: fantasy/a positive hypothetical of what’s to comeFourth: Dialogue/action of what actually transpiredWrite a short and snappy analogy that has pronouns and alliteration: “It was like hiring Kidz Bop for a bachelor party.”Include proper nouns. Proper nouns that are personal to you make the writing more compelling, specific, and yes, even funny: “I used to make fun of my husband for letting his perception of a good night's sleep be ruined by what his Whoop told him.”

Explore the emotional nuances of writing, particularly in dealing with grief and loss. Discover the impact of an author's technique on conveying profound feelings, with personal anecdotes enhancing the discussion. The power of anaphora emerges as a powerful tool for expressing deep truths in storytelling. Additionally, the journey of a writer intertwines with themes of identity and self-discovery, shedding light on the path to publication in the memoir community. Throughout, the interplay of love and grief resonates deeply.

Explore the intricate dance of memoir writing, where past and present must coexist without condemnation—authenticity is key. Discover the pitfalls of casual prose that falsely seeks intimacy, often missing the mark. Learn the power of clarity over melodrama, transforming emotional tales into straightforward narratives. Additionally, find out what truly matters for aspiring authors: strong prose and the right literary connections, rather than complex marketing plans. Honesty in storytelling can forge powerful connections with readers.

Here’s what I learned from my conversation with Sandy Schnakenburg, author of The Housekeeper's Secret: When you’re writing about a tragic or shocking event, one way to create suspense is to tease that something bad is coming. In the book she had a terrible accident on her bike, and at the beginning of the chapter a character calls out and tells her to be careful riding to school. From there until the moment of the crash she slows down time by including the tiniest details and specifics surrounding the moment—what time she left, her route to school, who she was meeting, why she couldn’t be late, and that first period math was her favorite. She described the actual ride, the way she rode with no hands, and later how she stood up on the pedals. It took Sandy 14 years to write her book, and the structure changed from a book of essays, to a braided memoir, to a chronological, compressed timeline with a hook at the beginning pulled from the midpoint of the story. An editor helped her to remove 50,000 words and bring the reader more onto the page by removing her analysis of the scenes. Her editor said, “Leave it to the reader. Let them decide. Let them process what happened.”  Sandy wrote a synopsis and summary of her book before it was ever finished. She sent the synopsis to an agent and he picked her up—just like that! She attended the San Francisco Writers Conference, where she pitched her book all day long to writers, editors, and agents. It was there she met her editor and book publisher.  If you want to publish a book your story needs to have a universal theme. Once you have that and can really communicate that, then you need to figure out how to distribute it. Then you need a good publicist. (Sandy interviewed twenty-five publicists.)

Explore the art of storytelling with insights on crafting compelling first lines that spark curiosity. Delve into the importance of detailed descriptions, allowing readers to immerse themselves in the narrative. Discover the power of vulnerability in writing, encouraging authenticity to forge connections. Learn how to navigate the complexities of personal relationships through candid reflections. Finally, tackle the emotional challenges of memoir writing, embracing self-doubt while celebrating the journey of revisiting personal history.

Here’s what I learned from Still Life At Eighty by Abigail Thomas: Revealing the dark parts of yourself in writing makes those things less scary and less powerful.  Simple, clear, no-frill writing can be just as powerful and moving as fancy prose. Lean into your style, whatever it may be.  Sometimes writing can just be keeping a log of your feelings and experiences. It might not be something to publish now, but later, when you can look back at that time in your life and have rich details to include once you’ve had some separation from it.  If you don’t know what to write about, write about what you’re struggling with. Rhythm is important: Print out what you’ve written in a different font so it looks like somebody else wrote it and read it out loud. When your voice goes dead, there’s either something hiding behind that sentence or it’s just boring.  Memoir is not a place to get revenge or cast oneself as victim. Freelance Writing Direct podcast interview with Abigail Thomas

Here’s what I learned from My Salinger Year by Joanna Rakoff: How to write dialogue in a novelistic or cinematic way: Include details about the surrounding area. The weather, scenery, anything the characters interact with, other people in the room. This is especially useful at the start of the scene, and if/when the scene changes.  When you add context for the reader it should relate to the dialogue before it. It can also help establish the relationship of the characters. There are three people to consider in a two-person conversation: the two people in the scene and the reader. Dialogue can be inside-baseball between the two characters even it’s unclear to the reader, but interjections by the writer can clarify and invite the reader into what’s happening.  A scene should not end at the end of the conversation, but at a point when a character says something that transitions into the next scene.  And here’s the link to Joanna’s conversation with Estelle Erasmus on Freelance Writing Direct.