Shameless Leadership

Today’s episode is an episode from almost two years ago where I talk about collective trauma and growth mindset. As I listened back to this episode recently, I was quick to realize the collective trauma we were experiencing two years ago as we clawed our way out of Covid still hasn’t been healed. From where I’m sitting, people are still suffering in tremendous ways and as we approach what many consider to be the most disappointing and disheartening election season of our lives, the sense of instability and insecurity across the US cannot be overstated.  Given the state of the US and the world, I thought it would be helpful and supportive to revisit this episode so we can continue to move forward and see potential in our day-to-day lives, in spite of all the things we cannot control.  An article on collective trauma in Psychology Today states that collective trauma “can change the entire fabric of a community… In fact, collective trauma can impact relationships, alter policies and governmental processes, alter the way the society functions, and even change its social norms.” Once we acknowledge that we are experiencing this and have been for years now, we can see how our mindsets have shifted to match this arduous cultural moment in history. In fact, it stands to reason that we have quite possibly (and very understandably) shifted our default mindset to a fixed mindset framework, instead of a growth mindset framework. Best-selling author, Carol Dweck, provides fantastic guidance around this terminology and topic.In this Greatest Hits episode, we explore why you might be defaulting to fixed mindset, how it’s limiting you, and how to shift out of it to see more opportunities, potential & possibilities in your life - instead of defaulting to seeing obstacles & roadblocks. This isn’t to say the obstacles aren’t real. Things are hard. But let’s uncover how to hold space for two truths: Things are hard.  You are resourceful and resilient and can make great things happen in your life.  Links mentioned: Attend my Influence & Ignite Retreat for Women Business Owners: shamelessmom.com/retreat Psychology Today article: What is Collective Trauma? Book: Mindset by Carol Dweck We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://shamelessmom.com/sponsorInterested in becoming a sponsor of the Shameless Mom Academy? Email our sales team at sales@adalystmedia.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

La’Kita Williams is the founder and principal strategist of CoCreate Work, a workplace culture consultancy guiding businesses to systems-level changes that result in measurable successes and true inclusivity.As a certified professional coach with a Masters in Social Work and 20+ years of experience, La’Kita is passionate about helping leaders perform the deep work of personal transformation, which is a critical element for organizational transformation. She firmly believes culture is not separate from strategy — it IS strategy. She has done culture-building work with organizations from small businesses to Fortune 500 companies. La’Kita has been quoted in several national outlets including The New York Times and written for Harvard Business Review.While I love and admire everything La’Kita is doing professionally, I really wanted to talk to her on a more personal level for this conversation. I’m grateful she was willing to dive in and go deep with this conversation!Listen to hear La’Kita share: How a health crisis in the middle of the pandemic upended her life and resulted in her diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis How her diagnosis impacted her 4 children who were ages 10-20 years old at the time of her diagnosis The changes she had to make with her relationship with ambition as a result of her diagnosis How she uses Spoon Theory to manage her energy daily Her advice to other leaders or folks who are managing chronic illnesses, including what pieces and resources to get in place to protect yourself at work What needs to happen systemically to provide protection for people with chronic illnesses so that disclosing chronic illness isn’t putting someone at risk of losing their job  The critical importance of flexible schedules and WFH flexibility across all organizations and industries who claim to be creating accessible, inclusive workplaces and communities What her company, Co-Create, does to create a great culture in the organizations they partner with   Her vision of the future of leadership Links mentioned: Connect with La’Kita and her work: cocreatework.com La'Kita's Instagram La'Kita's LinkedIn CoCreate Work Instagram CoCreate Work LinkedIn We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://shamelessmom.com/sponsorInterested in becoming a sponsor of the Shameless Mom Academy? Email our sales team at sales@adalystmedia.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So, what is personal agency? According to Shaun Gallagher and his work on philosophical conceptions of the self, personal agency refers to, “the sense that I am the one who is causing or generating an action.” This means that a person with a sense of agency perceives themselves as the subject influencing their own actions and life circumstances.A couple of years ago, I had the chance to do a three-day Trauma-Informed Practice Intensive for Coaches and Leaders. One of the things we kept coming back to over the course of these three days was making sure we, as coaches and leaders, are creating spaces that allow our clients a strong sense of agency.  As we dug into this from various angles and examined it through the lens of trauma, I got more and more curious and started doing my own research on the side. I know, super nerd alert. I love geeking out on this stuff. While I won’t bore you with the super coachy stuff, I do want to share with you the juicy parts that I know have the potential to benefit you right away. One of the best parts of my job is providing you with tools to see your own power and your own ability to make choices that serve you. I want you to feel confident in your own sense of self and sense of agency that guides your decision-making and action-taking.In this Greatest Hits episode, I dig into: What personal agency is and what it can mean for you Why is a sense of agency important 6 ways to develop your sense of agency It is my hope that developing your sense of agency will give you clarity and discernment around who you are and who you are becoming, and that, in turn, will impact how you show up and have impact in the world.  Links mentioned: Trudi Lebron: trudilebron.com Article: https://www.mindful.org/seven-ways-to-develop-personal-agency/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Heather Boorman-Morris, LCSW lives a life of truth-telling, compassion, and curiosity. She dedicates her professional work to advocate for individual and systemic wellness, and does so through her writing, speaking, and outpatient therapy practice specializing in trauma and neurodiversity. After awakening to the truth that she had been living in an abusive relationship for two decades, Heather expanded her advocacy work to challenge society’s inaccurate conceptions of who gets abused and what abusers look like.Her latest book, A Thousand Paper Cuts, brings readers inside the mind, heart, and experiences of a victim of covert narcissistic abuse. With raw vulnerability, Heather shares her story, from love bombing to devaluing to freedom, highlighting the destructiveness an abuser can have without ever raising his fist.Over the last few years, different forms of narcissism and abuse in the form of coercive control have come on my radar. This kind of abuse is among the most dangerous forms of abuse because of how long it takes victims to realize they are being abused. I know people who have experienced this form of abuse in their marriages and in family relationships such as mother/daughter relationships. Because these kinds of abusers are so charming and charismatic to the outside world, their victims often feel they will not be believed if they share their abuse. And so they keep quiet for years, if not decades.  When Heather reached out to me to talk about her experience in getting out of a marriage where she was the victim of what I now know is called covert narcissistic abuse as well as her professional experience as a therapist uncovering the data around this kind of abuse, I immediately said yes. This conversation is so important. It is very likely that you know someone enduring a relationship with a covert narcissist.  Listen in to hear Heather share: How narcissism personality disorder exists on a spectrum and the difference between overt and covert narcissism  How she got involved in a relationship with a narcissist and what the coercive control looked like from the very beginning of their relationship What narcissists are looking for when they seek out partners How she recognized 19 years into her marriage that she was in an abusive relationship The vulnerability and massive fear of engaging her family and friends to help her see how she had been gaslit over the years How she finally got out of her marriage Her decision to write about her story  What someone can do if they think they are in an abusive relationship with a narc/covert abuser Links mentioned: Get information about my September Influence & Ignite Retreat for Women Business Owners: shamelessmom.com/retreat Connect with Heather: www.heatherboormanmorris.com Book: A Thousand Paper Cuts Podcast with Heather and Antwan: www.startingstronger.com Heather’s Podcast: www.thefringybit.com Heather on Facebook Instagram:@ startingstrongerpodcast and @thefringybit We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://shamelessmom.com/sponsorInterested in becoming a sponsor of the Shameless Mom Academy? Email our sales team at sales@adalystmedia.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Two years ago, I did my first triathlon in 18 years. It was an incredible experience - one that I seriously considered postponing for another year. Life was hectic in the summer of 2022 and we were traveling for part of the summer. I knew my training would be imperfect and somewhat cobbled together. I had to choose between making this a 12-month goal or a two month (very imperfect) goal. I opted for the latter. Whether you're working toward a new goal or returning to an old one, I encourage you to reflect on how you're approaching your goal. Your perspective and approach will significantly influence your experience and outcomes.When I competed in triathlons 18-22 years ago, it was a tremendous amount of work and stress. Much of the training felt like a grind, and the entire process was constantly intense.At the age of 46, and having been away from the sport for so long, you might expect that the intensity and stress would return when I started training again. However, that was not the case.This time, I was very intentional about my approach to this goal. By focusing on enjoying the journey, I was able to savor every moment of training and every second of race day. This shift in perspective made a profound difference in my experience.In this Greatest Hits episode, I talk you through how you can make a scary goal more approachable and less scary so you can give yourself permission to go after what you want without the weight of fear, doubt, and perfectionism holding you back for the entire journey.Link mentioned: Get information about my September Influence & Ignite Retreat for Women Business Owners: shamelessmom.com/retreatWe love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://shamelessmom.com/sponsorInterested in becoming a sponsor of the Shameless Mom Academy? Email our sales team at sales@adalystmedia.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Featured in leading publications like CEO Magazine and Luxury Lifestyle Magazine, Kevin Loeffler (they/themme) is the Founder and CEO of Finally Kevin!, an inspirational Gender Identity speaker, and author of the upcoming book, "Finally Kevin” (Spring 2025). Kevin's unique journey allows audiences of all generations to understand what gender identity is and, just as importantly, what it is not. Kevin empowers parents and community leaders, regardless of age or background, with the knowledge necessary to increase authentic allyship skills for their gender-diverse loved ones. For almost 50 years, Kevin lived as the person they thought their parents, wives, children, and employers wanted them to be, never daring to be their authentic selves in front of any of them. Their heartwarming story of choosing to live as their transparent self by announcing their gender identity to the world at the age of 63 has landed them numerous media and speaking opportunities. I was introduced to Kevin by friend of the SMA and past guest of the show, Elena Joy Thurston. While Kevin and I recorded this episode a few months ago, I saved it to release during Pride Month because it feels like the perfect closing to this special month. Happy Pride to all our LGBTQIA+ community members. We love you and want you to be 100% you 100% of the time.  Listen in to hear Kevin share: How Kevin became Finally Kevin! and what their transformation as a non-binary person has looked like  What led them to start to live their femme tendencies out loud after 50 years The interconnectedness between shame and addiction in Kevin’s life  The difference between gender identity and sexual orientation The beauty and power of being able to finally “get out of bed free”  What life feels like to finally be Kevin after 50 years of stifling Kevin How LinkedIn became the safe place for Kevin to begin to own their identity publicly Links mentioned: Kevin’s Programs and Resources: Finallykevin.com Kevin on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevinmloeffler Kevin on FB: https://www.facebook.com/kmloeffler/ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://shamelessmom.com/sponsorInterested in becoming a sponsor of the Shameless Mom Academy? Email our sales team at sales@adalystmedia.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaking up for ourselves, others, our ideas, and important issues can feel pretty uncomfortable, if not downright scary. Speaking up is a skill, that takes practice - like a muscle that must be built and strengthened over time.  In this Greatest Hits episode, I share about an event where I spoke a couple of years ago. After my session, there was time for Q&A and the question folks kept circling back to was, “How do I start to speak up so I can play a bigger game?” A number of attendees noted they were so in the habit of not speaking up that they didn’t know where or how to start using their voices.  Because women have been socialized to stay small and quiet, if can take extra effort (and bravery!) to actually use our voices.  I gave these women three simple, low-risk steps to start practicing speaking up: Practice stating your preferences out loud  Practice stating your needs out loud Practice sharing opposing opinions in neutral ways  These steps are intended to be practiced over time, in this order. Start out with low-risk/low exposure steps. The stakes are typically pretty low when you’re stating a preference: “I prefer pepperoni pizza to sausage & mushroom.” Or, “I would prefer to watch Movie ABC vs Movie XYZ this evening.”Once you’ve practiced this a few times, try to share a need with a loved one: “I need some time to myself, so I’m going to take myself to lunch and a movie this weekend.” Practice this a few times.  Once you’ve practiced these lower-stakes ways of speaking up, you can start to test higher-stakes ways of speaking up. This is where you can start to practice sharing an opposing opinion in a neutral way, “Thank you for sharing your opinion/experience. That hasn’t been my experience.” Or, “Thank you for sharing your opinion/experience. I see it differently.” Make sure to listen in to the episode to learn how to do #3 safely, this part is important!The goal is to build your “Speak Up muscle” and then continually strengthen it over time. The outcomes you can expect include: feeling seen and heard, experiencing a stronger sense of power and autonomy, realizing your voice matters and can impact others and inspire change, and enjoying a sense of freedom over owning and honoring your voice. While speaking up can feel scary, I promise it is well worth it!We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://shamelessmom.com/sponsorInterested in becoming a sponsor of the Shameless Mom Academy? Email our sales team at sales@adalystmedia.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a Greatest Hits episode especially chosen in celebration of Juneteenth which is today, June 19th. This interview is from the first time I interviewed Jasmine in 2020. Little did I know that she would become a trusted friend and colleague. Jasmine is the first race educator from whom I learned about Juneteenth, well before it became a national holiday. I am sharing this episode with you in hopes that you talk to your kids about race today in celebration of Juneteenth.  Jasmine Bradshaw is a researcher, educator, and podcaster who truly believes that creating a more loving, inclusive, and just society starts within the sacred walls of our homes. Her podcast, First Name Basis, exists to give parents the tools they need to teach their children about race, religion, and culture. Her community makes parents feel empowered and gives them the confidence they need to create lasting change in their sphere of influence.Listen in to hear Jasmine share: Why and how race exists as a social construct How to have early conversations about race and skin tone with your kids How to lay the groundwork for conversations about race in order to have deeper, more difficult conversations with kids as they get older How to talk to your child’s school about their efforts toward diversity and inclusion How to talk to your child’s school about the versions of American history they teach How to be a better anti-racist in order to teach your children to be anti-racists How you can move from good intentions to confident action in your anti-racism work Links mentioned:  Connect with Jasmine: Firstnamebasis.org Jasmine’s Podcast: First Name Basis Jasmine on IG Join Jasmine’s Patreon: patreon.com/firstnamebasis First Name Basis Juneteenth Episode: What is Juneteenth? Purchase Juneteenth Jubilee at the First Name Basis Online Store Teaching Tolerance Resources: https://www.tolerance.org/ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://shamelessmom.com/sponsorInterested in becoming a sponsor of the Shameless Mom Academy? Email our sales team at sales@adalystmedia.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Marisa Peters is a rectal cancer survivor, women’s health thought leader, and founder of BE SEEN. Marisa was diagnosed with Stage 3 rectal cancer in 2021 when she was 39 years old despite being an otherwise healthy and active mother of three young boys. She is on a mission to help other people take their colorectal health very seriously because it is, well, very serious. This conversation was so informative and, dare I say, even fun! The timing could not have been more perfect as we recorded this right before I was scheduled for my second colonoscopy as someone who has a family history of colon cancer. This gave Marisa and me much content for fodder!  Friends, listen to this episode, go sign the BE SEEN Pledge, and then get yourself scheduled for a colonoscopy. This is critical self-care. Listen in to hear Marisa share: Symptoms of colon cancer to be looking for: blood loss through poop, increased urine urge, stomach pain, extreme fatigue  What you should be asking your doctor for if you have any concerns about color-tectal symptoms Her journey of being dismissed by doctors as she experienced symptoms over the course of 5.5 years before finally being diagnosed Your different options for your colonoscopy prep What to expect during your first colonoscopy How she talked to and continues to talk to her children about her cancer diagnosis and treatment What family support looked like and how they had to learn how to receive support as people who were used to being the givers of support in their community How to hold space for family and friends after they have gone through treatment - when they may be cancer free, but are still recovering physically and emotionally Why you and your family should take the BE SEEN Pledge to take steps toward maintaining colorectal health Links mentioned: Connect with Marisa and Be Seen: beseen.care Take the Be Seen Pledge: https://beseen.care/take-the-be-seen-pledge Marisa and Be Seen on IG Marisa and Be Seen on FB Marisa on LinkedIn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Last week I had the opportunity to head to campus for 3 days as part of my graduate school experience. While much of my program is online, from time to time I will have the chance to head to campus for these 3-day immersive experiences. I was so excited for this first chance to be on campus and meet some of my professors and classmates.  When entering a new space, there is always some discomfort. I felt that on the first morning as I entered the classroom. I sat with that discomfort for a bit and really listened to it. As I listened inward throughout our first morning, my discomfort gradually shifted to excitement. I could feel in my bones that I was in exactly the place I was meant to be.  I’ve had a few days to think about this experience of stepping into something new, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable. I realized there are some important pieces of how I navigated this discomfort that can be helpful to anyone entering a new experience or environment.  In this episode, I walk you through my experience in this class situation while also offering key insights into how you can step into new experiences and quickly discern if it's the right place for you right now, how to navigate your discomfort, how to shift anxiety into excitement, and how to create space for the growth opportunities that will likely open up for you.  We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://shamelessmom.com/sponsorInterested in becoming a sponsor of the Shameless Mom Academy? Email our sales team at sales@adalystmedia.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices