Shameless Leadership

Recently I’ve spoken out about the crucial importance of cultivating emotional intelligence in young men. The official definition of emotional intelligence is: the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.Historically, men have not been raised to be emotionally intelligent, emotionally capable or emotionally available. Historically, we have largely failed to raise men who can handle interpersonal relationships or relationships with their larger communities judiciously and empathetically. Historically, we have taught men to stuff feelings, dismiss feelings, ignore feelings, and deny feelings. And the consequences are proving to be dire.There are so many horrific outcomes when we have multiple generations of men who are unable to identify their feelings, express their feelings, and relate to other peoples’ feelings. The result of generations of poor emotional intelligence among men is rape culture, diet culture, racism, sexism, men policing women’s bodies, rampant struggles with mental health, the addiction epidemic and so much more that we won’t see the full impact of for years to come.This is disturbing and distressing to say the least. Add to that the numbers and data we’re seeing around mass shootings - largely executed by young, white men - young white men who with known mental health struggles and/or dangerously radical views stemming from a lack of empathy and compassion for others. This is an emotional intelligence crisis.The responsibility of raising an emotionally intelligent young man (a young white man, in my case) in our current landscape is a critical task that cannot be taken lightly. A number of you have asked me how we can do our very best in raising emotionally intelligent young men - and just how I’m facing this responsibility head-on. In this episode, I’ll share the 8 things I’m doing to raise an emotionally intelligent, emotionally capable son. By no means do I think I’m doing it perfectly. But I think I’m getting a few things right and it’s all worth sharing if it helps any of our young men. Thank you to our sponsors: Talkspace: To match with your perfect therapist for a fraction of the price of traditional therapy, go to Talkspace, Make sure to use the code SHAMELESS to get $65 off your first month and show your support for the show. Rothy’s: To get free shipping on any order of Rothy’s shoes, as well as free returns, go to Rothy’s and use the code SHAMELESS at checkout. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Darcy Lockman is a journalist turned clinical psychologist and the author of All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership (Harper Collins). Her writing has appeared in the New York Times and the Washington Post, among others. Her first book, Brooklyn Zoo, chronicled the year she spent working on the psychiatric ward of a city hospital. She currently practices in New York City, where she lives with her husband and daughters.I have invested a lot of time learning about building equitable relationships in the last year. As someone who likes to take on all. the. things., I know what it’s like to be the doer and the know-er and the gatekeeper of everything in the family. It’s an exhausting, unfair, and unnecessary burden that we can improve - drastically. I couldn’t be more excited to invite you into this conversation with Darcy and me.Listen in to hear Darcy share: What “good” dads get away with Societal, multi-generational indoctrination of gender roles - even among progressive couples The truth about maternal gatekeeping and the potential damage around it The power of using your anger in adaptive ways to have a more equitable relationship The research-proven struggles and burdens of the mental load of motherhood, especially in the first 4 years Strategies to build a more equitable partnership with your partner Links mentioned: Connect with Darcy Book: All The Rage Twitter: @darcy_lockman Thank you to our sponsors: BruMate: Right now, Brumate is giving my/our listeners a special discount of 15% off your first order when you go to www.brumate.com and use our code SHAMELESS, that's BruMate. Honey: Get Honey for FREE at Honey. Openfit: Join the Openfit 30-day challenge and get a special extended 30-day free trial membership to Openfit when you text SHAMELESS to 303030. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The path to anywhere worth going will be marked with unexpected twists and turns. There will be highs and lows that you can’t imagine - that will push you and pull you and quite possibly bring you to your knees.Because that is the journey of the hero, the warrior, the survivor, the fighter. The journey to anywhere worth going will take strength and tenacity and patience and persistence you didn’t know you had. You will question yourself, your strength, your skills, and your values. You will want to scream. You will want to cry. You will want to quit. But you won’t. You will persist. Because you will remember where you’re going and why it’s imperative you get there. You will remember that when the going gets tough, you do not sit. You PERSIST.Listen in to hear how to build persistence in order to step into your power.Links mentioned: SMA Ep 28- Be a quitter SMA Ep 339 - Growth mindset Book: Mindset by Carol Dweck Thank you to our sponsors: Brooklinen: Get 10% off AND free shipping when you use promo code SHAMELESS at Brooklinen. Native: For 20% off your first purchase, visit Native and use promo code shameless at checkout. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Carol Gavhane is co-founder of Asha Blooms, a handcrafted purposeful jewelry company dedicated to inspiring and uplifting people.Born out of her walk with secondary infertility, she and her husband created this business once it dawned on them that words and intentions really do matter. Each piece of jewelry is tied to a specific intention, and it’s their vision that others see themselves for who they already are – whole, loved, complete, courageous and renewed.Everything about their first child was fairly typical, but trying to add to the family afterwards was incredibly difficult. During those years, they tried everything under the sun to get or sustain pregnancy - clean eating, support groups, fertility yoga, acupuncture, meditation, negotiations with God, many visits to the fertility clinic, and so on. These services absolutely helped as they provided comfort or bits of positivity, but there were many dark days thrown in the mix.During this journey, Carol found a fertility bracelet that became a beacon of hope, a daily wearable reminder to continue on, which she did for nearly three years. Looking back, Carol credits science, hope, and intention with the creation of baby Henry.I had the opportunity to meet Carol a couple months ago through a colleague and our connection was instant and deep. I relate to so much of her story. I know a lot of other mamas out there are with Carol and me, as well.Listen in to hear Carol share: What secondary infertility is and how it flipped her life upside down for 3 years What infertility looks like on the outside vs. the inside of a woman's body and demeanor How she found hope and comfort in an unlikely place What inspired her to start a jewelry company and the special meaning behind her work Links Mentioned: Connect with Carol and see her gorgeous Asha Blooms jewelry Asha Blooms on Instagram Asha Blooms on Facebook Thank you to our sponsors: Stamps: Right now, my listeners get a special offer that includes a 4-week trial PLUS free postage AND a digital scale without any long-term commitment. Just go to Stamps, click on the Microphone at the TOP of the homepage and type in SHAMELESS. Lola: Get organic cotton tampons and other hygiene products delivered right to your door. To get 40% off all subscriptions, go to Lola and use the code SHAMELESS40 at checkout. Fabfitfun: To get $10 off your first subscription box (making it only $39.99 for $200 worth of products) go to Fabfitfun and use the code SHAMELESS at checkout. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are you ready for some truth-telling???It’s time to take off your armor.You deserve to embrace and appreciate all parts of yourself and your story, not just the pretty parts.You deserve to reframe and reset your mindset around the struggles in your life, not settle for constant self-doubt and negative self-talk.You deserve to get curious about who you are and where you want to go in life, not stay the course that is no longer lighting you up.You deserve to grow and expand and become a more positive, powerful, purposeful version of yourself, not shrink in frustration and worry that you'll never get all the things you want.Not only do you deserve all this - you are TRULY CAPABLE of all this.You are capable of embracing all of you and all of your story.You are capable of reframing and resetting your mindset so you can shut down that negative self-talk.You are capable of getting curious about where you want to go in the next 3, 6, 12 months and actually starting to take steps to get yourself there.You are capable of growing and expanding into a more positive, powerful and purposeful version of yourself starting right now.If you're struggling with your identity - who you are, where you've come from, where you want to go - you are not alone. And it's time to take off your armor. The armor that you think is protecting you is actually holding you back from taking action, building momentum, and realizing what you're truly capable of.Here’s what your armor might look like: keeping people at arm’s length Laughing when you are hurting instead of speaking up for yourself Keeping secrets and holding shame around your stories Playing small out of fear of failure or fear of looking silly Making others look small in order to feel better about yourself (gossiping about other women, telling other women’s stories, passing judgment on other women’s bodies, choices, success stories) Staying comfortable and stagnant instead of taking a chance to step into bigger roles/opportunities Tune into learn 7 steps to take off your armor and put on your cape.Thank you to our sponsors: care of: For 25% off your first month of personalized care/of vitamins, visit Take CareOf and enter the code SHAMELESS at checkout Lovevery: Save $15 off your Play Kit subscription at Loveveryand use the code SHAMELESS at checkout. Offer good until 10/31. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Chrissy King is a writer, speaker, strength coach, and self-proclaimed truth-teller with a passion for intersectional feminism and creating a diverse and inclusive wellness industry. She has been featured in SELF, SHAPE, BuzzFeed, Muscle and Fitness, and Livestrong, among others. She empowers individuals to stop shrinking, start taking up space and use their energy to create their specific magic in the world. When she’s not serving her clients by empowering them to create stress-free and sustainable lifestyles and feel confident and empowered in their skin, she spends her time lifting all the weights, reading, traveling, and hanging with friends and family.I have wanted to have Chrissy come on the show for some time. I’ve followed her for years online and her messaging always resonates with me. I think this conversation is especially timely given the Monday’s episode about Beyonce’s recent messaging around body image. While I recorded this interview before the Beyonce episode, there are a lot of the same themes and reinforced messaging around the power in protecting and elevating women of all backgrounds, shapes, sizes, orientations.Listen in to hear Chrissy share: How passion in one area of your life can ignite passion in other areas of your life What intersectional feminism is and how it pertains to you Her terrifying move to publish an article titled, “Is Fitness Only For Thin White Women?” - and the response it drew The importance of noticing inclusion and diversity in ALL spaces - and why you need to call it out when it’s missing (which it usually is) How to manage your evolving relationship with your body Links mentioned:Facebook: Chrissy King FitnessInstagram: I Am Chrissy KingTwitter: I Am Chrissy KingThank you to our sponsors: Embr: Go to Embr and Save $50 with code SHAMELESS at checkout. Framebridge: Go to Framebridge and use promo code SHAMELESS you’ll save an additional 15% off your first order. Openfit: Join the Openfit 30-day challenge and get a special extended 30-day free trial membership to Openfit when you text SHAMELESS to 303030. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Last week I called out Beyonce in a social media post. A lot of really interesting lessons and insights came from the ensuing comments and conversation. I thought it was worth dedicating an entire episode to the results of that one social media post because it brought to light: The difference between shaming someone and holding them accountable How you can simultaneously be a victim and a perpetrator of diet culture Why thin women need to protect and elevate plus size women Why women should be hypersensitive to body shaming and how being dismissive of sizeism compromises women’s power on a global level How you can appreciate and find tremendous value in someone’s work and leadership while not agreeing with everything they say and stand for Thank you to our sponsors: BarkBox: Get a FREE EXTRA MONTH of Barkbox with any 6 or 12-month subscription by visiting BarkBox. Third Love: To find the perfect fitting bra and get 15% off your first purchase got to Third Love Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Anne Moss Rogers is a TEDx speaker and owner of the popular Emotionally Naked blog. She is a social media and content marketing expert who turned into an 'accidental leader' as a suicide prevention advocate after her son Charles, who suffered from depression and addiction, died by suicide in June 2015.She has been interviewed by the New York Times and was the first suicide loss survivor ever invited to speak at the National Institute of Mental Health. Her blog, Emotionally Naked which focuses on subjects including suicide, grief, addiction, and mental illness reached over a half million views in its first three years. She has written a book, Diary of a Broken Mind that includes her son’s song lyrics, which will publish October 2019.Listen in to hear Anne Moss share: The warning signs of his son’s depression and anxiety The days and events leading up to her son’s death How she feels comforted and connected to Charles when she’s on stage talking about his death How she finds purpose in her day to day life after losing her child How she is leveraging technology and the internet to save the lives of actively suicidal people Links Mentioned: Connect with Anne moss Anne Moss’s Blog Anne Moss on Instagram Anne Moss on Facebook Special resources for Shameless Moms: Anne Moss Help eliminate stigma, join the emotionally naked tribe and enter to win a free copy of Diary of a Broken Mind due out in October 2019.: Emotionally Naked (or text to join at 66866) Thank you to our sponsors: Embr: Go to Embr and Save $50 with code SHAMELESS at checkout. Lovevery: Save $15 off your Play Kit subscription at Lovevery and use the code SHAMELESS at checkout. Offer good until 10/31. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Women are raised to believe we should make other people comfortable. We should be caretakers of others needs and desires and feelings - even when it comes at a cost to our own needs, desires, and feelings.Because of this indoctrination early in our lives, we also take it upon ourselves to make sure that we don’t outshine others - because that could make them feel bad or less than. Instead, we let ourselves feel bad and less than. We make it a priority to make other people comfortable. And in many cases this means we shrink and play small in front of others. We don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable and we certainly don’t want anyone to judge us for shining too brightly. So, we stay small, quiet, dull, demure instead - because showing up as bold, bright, big, brave feels too risky.Here are some instances in which you might make others uncomfortable with your shininess and badassery, as well as put yourself at risk of other people’s judgment: when you lose weight when you run a 5K, 10K or a marathon when you quit your job to stay home with your kids when you make a lot of money when you write a book when you start your own business when you go for a promotion when you go back to school to get an advanced degree when you put your child in full-time childcare when you go on an epic vacation when you take every Friday off when you get weekly massage when you buy your kid something fancy/”spoil” them when you buy a bigger house when you buy a tiny house when you announce you’re a photographer/event planner/jewelry designer/lifecoach/blogger/podcaster, speaker, writer when you say you want to be a mogul Have you ever achieved one of these items and intentionally not shared it with others? You kept is small and private out of fear that others would be uncomfortable with your success or achievement and/or that they might pass judgment on you and dull your shine?I want to encourage you to reframe how you think about other people's opinions.  It’s not your job to tend to other people’s opinions. In fact, you should pay them no mind.It’s not your job to make other people comfortable. Their discomfort is about them, not you. And it’s their responsibility, not yours.It’s not your job to play small and stay small because others can’t or won’t step up and shine.Your job is to SHINE LIKE A MOTHER.And when you do so you will become a mirror that attracts people who want to see you in all your big, bold, brave badassery. When you start attracting these kinds of people, you will continue to be able to shine in brighter ways for all your days.Listen in for a deeper dive and 4 ways to deal with the uncomfortable, judgy people in your life.Thank you to our sponsors: Talkspace: To match with your perfect therapist for a fraction of the price of traditional therapy, go to Talkspace, Make sure to use the code SHAMELESS to get $65 off your first month and show your support for the show. Rothy’s: To get free shipping on any order of Rothy’s shoes, as well as free returns, go to Rothy’s and use the code SHAMELESS at checkout. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Susan Hyatt is a master certified life coach who has helped thousands of women totransform their bodies and lives. She’s the author of Bare, creator of the Bare Process, the Bare Deck, the Bare Podcast, and an online community called Bare Daily. With her fiery Facebook rants—including “Whoop Ass Wednesday,” where she reads a fresh batch of hate mail from Internet trolls and gives her sassiest response—Susan has gained an international following of women who love her honesty, humor, and fearlessness. Susan has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Woman’s World, Seventeen, and O: The Oprah Magazine, and was a Finalist for the Athena Award, honoring her work in the field of women’s empowerment.Listen in to hear Susan share: How she caught herself in cycles of emotional eating and how she stopped the cycle How she moved from body hate into body love How and why quitting diet culture will bring you more success (and more money) The role of the patriarchy in inspiring her body love How to use pleasure power instead of willpower to lose weight Replacement habits for comfort and joy that don’t involve emotional eating or drinking The importance of radical self-love and compassion and FUN in any achieving any goal Links Mentioned: Website Book Website Instagram: @SusanHyatt LinkedIn BARE Podcast (iTunes) Rich Coach Club Podcast (iTunes) Thank you to our sponsors: Brooklinen: Get 10% off AND free shipping when you use promo code SHAMELESS at Brooklinen. Simple Health: Simple Health provides a more convenient and affordable way to get birth control. Go to Simple Health and enter the code shameless at checkout to have your $20 prescription fee waived. Fabfitfun: To get $10 off your first subscription box (making it only $39.99 for $200 worth of products) go to Fabfitfun and use the code SHAMELESS at checkout. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices