Start with Small Steps

This episode explores the critical question: When is the right time to seek help? For many, asking for support feels like surrendering control—but in reality, it's one of the most powerful steps toward progress. This conversation walks through the emotional challenges of seeking help and the practical strategies for building a support network. From everyday advice to professional resources, it reveals how support systems—big and small—can change lives, one step at a time. Understanding the Misconceptions About HelpFor years, the belief that self-reliance was the only path forward kept many people from reaching out. But beneath the surface of most success stories lies a foundation of support—whether from friends, family, mentors, or strangers. This episode explores how that mindset can shift and how recognizing past help can open the door to future growth. Finding Help in Unexpected PlacesSupport doesn't always come from therapists or close family. It can come from a coworker, a fitness trainer, a teacher, or a local church leader. The key is identifying the right person for the right problem, even if there isn't a deep relationship. Sometimes, an outside perspective can make all the difference. Professional and Community Resources Available TodayTherapists, nutritionists, life coaches, financial counselors, and even librarians can be lifelines. This episode outlines where to look, how to approach them, and what kinds of issues each resource can help solve. Community-based options like nonprofits, support groups, and crisis lines are also highlighted. Digital Tools for Modern SupportFrom Reddit and Facebook groups to apps like BetterHelp, Calm, and Woebot, there's a world of support online for everything from mental health to productivity. While these can’t replace in-person support for serious issues, they can be powerful tools to get unstuck, especially when used alongside other resources. Recognizing the Right Time to AskWhether facing financial stress, emotional burnout, or life transitions, waiting for a crisis isn't the best strategy. Early support can prevent deeper struggles. This episode encourages listeners to act before things break down—and offers suggestions for how to start that journey with small, intentional steps. Takeaways: Getting help isn't about weakness—it's about wisdom. Everyone gets stuck at times, and there's no shame in reaching out for advice, clarity, or encouragement. Whether through a trusted friend, a trained professional, or a community program, there's always a path forward. Being willing to ask can not only resolve a problem—it can also build connection, confidence, and resilience. The challenge is simple but powerful: identify where you feel stuck, and ask the right person to help you take the next step.Jill’s Linkshttps://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallstepshttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallstepshttps://twitter.com/schmernEmail the podcast at jill@startwithsmallsteps.com By choosing to watch this video or listen to this podcast, you acknowledge that you are doing so of your own free will. The content shared here reflects personal experiences and opinions and is intended for informational and inspirational purposes only. I am not a licensed healthcare provider, psychiatrist, or counselor. Any advice or suggestions offered should not be considered a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. You are solely responsible for any decisions or actions you take based on this content.

What Time Management Style Works for You?This episode explores the concept that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to productivity. Time management is deeply personal, and understanding which system aligns with individual energy levels and task preferences is key to long-term success. The episode outlines two core time management styles: deep work and task variety. Rather than prescribing a strict method, it offers a balanced perspective that helps listeners evaluate which strategy best suits their natural rhythm, workload, and environment. 🎯 Deep Work vs. Task VarietyDeep work, as described by Cal Newport, focuses on uninterrupted time blocks for high-concentration tasks. This is contrasted with a more dynamic task variety method, which involves switching between multiple tasks to maintain energy and engagement. Each method is explained in detail, with pros and cons for different working styles. ⚡ Energy-Based SchedulingInstead of planning by the clock, energy-based scheduling encourages aligning tasks with the body’s natural peaks and dips in energy. Physical tasks are best scheduled during lower-focus times, while creative or mentally intense work can be reserved for peak alertness. 🛠️ Tools and Techniques for ProductivitySeveral practical tools are highlighted, including time blocking calendars, Pomodoro timers, Kanban boards, and themed hours. These techniques help manage attention and keep projects moving, especially when motivation or focus fluctuates throughout the day. ✅ TakeawaysTime management is not about rigid schedules but about matching personal working styles with the right tools and approaches. Deep focus works well for some, while others benefit from the energy and stimulation of switching tasks. Recognizing natural rhythms and using flexible systems like Kanban or Pomodoro can lead to better output and less burnout. Adopting a customized approach allows for sustainable productivity—whether that's batching similar tasks, managing tasks based on energy, or setting thematic work periods. Trying both time management styles can reveal surprising insights and help create a more fulfilling, productive routine. Jill’s Linkshttps://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallstepshttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallstepshttps://twitter.com/schmernEmail the podcast at jill@startwithsmallsteps.com By choosing to watch this video or listen to this podcast, you acknowledge that you are doing so of your own free will. The content shared here reflects personal experiences and opinions and is intended for informational and inspirational purposes only. I am not a licensed healthcare provider, psychiatrist, or counselor. Any advice or suggestions offered should not be considered a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. You are solely responsible for any decisions or actions you take based on this content.

238 - The Power of Pause: Gaining Clarity in Emotional Moments In this episode, we explore why it’s so difficult to see clearly when we’re in the midst of life’s challenges. Whether it’s a career issue, relationship conflict, or emotional setback, the pressure of the moment often clouds our judgment. I break down how our brains fill in gaps with fear-based stories and share strategies to pause, reflect, and gain better perspective before making big decisions. Why We Can’t See Clearly in the MomentWhen life is overwhelming, our brains tend to create distorted narratives to fill in missing information. I share why these stories can mislead us and how they often come from a place of fear. Cognitive Distortions and Mental ShortcutsLearn about the mental traps we fall into—like catastrophizing or mind-reading—and how they can lead us to the wrong conclusions about people or events. The Viktor Frankl PauseBetween a triggering event and our reaction, there’s a pause. And that’s where our power lies. I explore how using this space wisely can shift everything. Making Micro-Decisions in a VUCA WorldLife is uncertain, and acting too quickly can backfire. I talk about making the smallest decision possible in moments of stress so you can gather more information first. Takeaways:In the middle of tough times, it’s okay not to know what to do. The key is to slow down, ask better questions, and create space for clarity. Whether it’s journaling, talking to someone you trust, or writing a future-self letter, these practices help you reframe and reset. You’re not failing because you don’t have the answers—you’re just in the fog. And with patience, the path will become clear again. https://startwithsmallsteps.com/238-the-power-of-pause-gaining-clarity-in-emotional-moments/ Jill’s Linkshttps://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJilldayhttps://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAIhttps://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallstepshttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallstepshttps://twitter.com/schmernEmail the podcast at jill@startwithsmallsteps.com By choosing to watch this video or listen to this podcast, you acknowledge that you are doing so of your own free will. The content shared here reflects personal experiences and opinions and is intended for informational and inspirational purposes only. I am not a licensed healthcare provider, psychiatrist, or counselor. Any advice or suggestions offered should not be considered a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. You are solely responsible for any decisions or actions you take based on this content.

237 - Not Everyone Will Like You—And That’s Ok This episode tackles a challenge everyone faces at some point—being disliked. It explores the emotional weight of rejection, the societal pressure to be universally liked, and the deeper roots of approval-seeking behavior. With a thoughtful and honest tone, the episode encourages listeners to shift their focus from people-pleasing to authentic self-worth. The Illusion of Being Universally Liked:The episode opens with the acknowledgment that not everyone will approve of who we are or what we do. Even highly admired figures in history faced rejection. This segment reframes disapproval as a normal, even expected, part of life rather than a personal failure. Why Rejection Hurts So Much:Delving into childhood conditioning and the human need for safety through belonging, the podcast highlights how deeply rooted the desire for approval can be. Listeners are encouraged to examine how this shows up in their adult lives and consider how it affects their emotional well-being. The Hidden Gift in Being Disliked:Rather than viewing rejection as purely negative, the episode presents it as a potential catalyst for growth. Whether it prompts reflection or redirects a path, disapproval can help clarify values, strengthen personal boundaries, and lead to greater self-awareness. Navigating Feedback with Discernment:Not all criticism is created equal. The host shares how to sift through feedback—accepting what is constructive and discarding what is based on misunderstanding or projection. This topic includes stories and examples that highlight the difference between helpful insight and harmful opinion. Living Authentically Instead of Performing:One of the core messages is the importance of letting go of the need to be liked by everyone. The episode offers practical encouragement for building emotional resilience, developing strong internal identity, and focusing on approval that truly matters—one’s own and, for those with faith, divine approval. Takeaways: Being disliked is not a crisis but an opportunity for reflection and freedom. The pursuit of universal approval often leads to emotional exhaustion and identity loss. Instead, standing in one’s truth—even when it invites criticism—creates space for authenticity, meaningful relationships, and personal peace. The episode encourages setting boundaries, evaluating feedback with wisdom, and embracing the truth that not being for everyone is a sign of individuality, not failure. https://startwithsmallsteps.com/237-not-everyone-will-like-you-and-thats-ok/ Jill’s Linkshttps://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJilldayhttps://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAIhttps://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallstepshttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallstepshttps://twitter.com/schmernEmail the podcast at jill@startwithsmallsteps.com By choosing to watch this video or listen to this podcast, you acknowledge that you are doing so of your own free will. The content shared here reflects personal experiences and opinions and is intended for informational and inspirational purposes only. I am not a licensed healthcare provider, psychiatrist, or counselor. Any advice or suggestions offered should not be considered a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. You are solely responsible for any decisions or actions you take based on this content.

236 - Be Brave and Find True Belonging In this episode, I unpack Brene Brown’s compelling book Braving the Wilderness, using my personal experiences to explore the deep emotional terrain of authenticity, courage, and true belonging. Top Topics: The Real Meaning of Bravery: I reflect on my childhood concept of bravery—being physically courageous but emotionally cautious—and how that evolved through reading Brene Brown's work. The Freedom of Not Fitting In: Inspired by Maya Angelou’s quote, I explore how the need to belong often holds us back from being our true selves and how letting go of that need can be liberating. Practical Steps to Braving the Wilderness: I break down Brene’s four practices—seeing others up close, speaking truth civilly, connecting through shared humanity, and cultivating a strong but open heart. Personal Reflections on Approval-Seeking: From choosing conference outfits to forming relationships, I share how striving for acceptance has shaped my actions—and what it means to let go of that. Takeaways: The wilderness Brene Brown speaks of isn’t about isolation—it’s the powerful space where we stop molding ourselves for acceptance and start living in truth. This episode encourages you to look at the places in your life where you’re trying to impress others and ask: what would it look like to just be you? When we bravely step into discomfort and stand firm in our values, we stop needing to fit in—because we finally belong to ourselves. Being vulnerable and honest isn’t weakness; it’s the ultimate strength. Whether in a boardroom, a relationship, or a quiet moment alone, showing up as your true self is the real victory. https://startwithsmallsteps.com/236-be-brave-and-find-true-belonging/ Jill’s Links https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJillday https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps https://twitter.com/schmern Email the podcast at jill@startwithsmallsteps.com

235 - Forgiveness Is Freedom In this episode, the focus is on the profound and often misunderstood act of forgiveness. Exploring the concept through personal stories and insights from the book Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall, the discussion centers on why forgiveness is not about excusing harmful behavior or forgetting the pain, but about releasing ourselves from the grip of bitterness and resentment. This episode offers a heartfelt, honest reflection on what it really means to forgive—and how doing so can bring true freedom and healing. Top Topics: What Forgiveness Really MeansForgiveness is not about saying “it’s okay” or brushing past serious hurt. It’s about choosing to stop desiring revenge and instead letting go of the emotional control the past has over us. The episode defines forgiveness as no longer wanting punishment for the offender, but rather handing over justice to a higher power or moral compass. The Pain Behind the Need to ForgiveA personal backdrop of childhood neglect and family addiction reveals how deep-seated pain can evolve into lasting resentment. Understanding the origins of this pain, including the generational patterns and addictive behaviors involved, provides important context for why forgiveness is essential—not for the offender, but for personal healing. Steps Toward True ForgivenessListeners are guided through practical steps to begin forgiving: acknowledging the pain, making a conscious decision to forgive, refraining from rehearsing the hurt, and even praying or wishing good for the person who caused harm. These steps are presented not as quick fixes, but as meaningful choices that open the door to lasting emotional freedom. Forgiving Without ReconciliationAn important clarification is made: forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. Sometimes, it’s healthier and safer not to reestablish a relationship. Forgiveness is about finding peace within oneself, regardless of the other person’s actions or attitude. Dealing with Disappointment in GodThe episode also touches on the spiritual challenge of feeling let down by God in times of suffering. By choosing to forgive even this divine disappointment, deeper trust and healing are possible. Takeaways: Forgiveness is ultimately a gift to oneself. Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison meant for someone else. It harms the one who carries it more than anyone else. Letting go is not easy, and it may feel unnatural at first—but it leads to emotional clarity, freedom, and peace. Forgiveness is not weakness; it’s one of the bravest things a person can do. Whether the offender ever apologizes or changes, the choice to forgive allows the heart to move forward and begin to heal. Jill’s Links https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJillday https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps https://twitter.com/schmern Email the podcast at jill@startwithsmallsteps.com

234 - The Secret to Lasting Change: It’s Not Willpower! In this episode, I talk about the real reasons we struggle with making progress on our goals — and how to fix it. Inspired by the powerful metaphors from “The Happiness Hypothesis” and “Switch,” I explore how the mind is like a rational Rider trying to steer an emotional Elephant along a winding Path. When we learn how to motivate our Elephant, direct our Rider, and clear the Path, meaningful change becomes not only possible but enjoyable. Understanding the Rider and ElephantWe often think our failure to follow through is due to laziness, but it’s more about a conflict between emotion and logic. I explain how the Elephant (our emotions) tends to resist change while the Rider (our planner) gets stuck in overthinking. Motivating the Emotional SideFear doesn't move the Elephant — hope and small wins do. I share how reframing goals and celebrating tiny milestones can energize you to keep going. It's about making the process exciting and worthwhile. Giving the Rider DirectionToo many options lead to paralysis. I talk about choice architecture — creating pre-decisions that make action simpler, like scheduled workouts or limited food choices. When the Rider has a clear map, it stops stalling. Making the Path EasyWe need an environment that supports our goals. That means setting out gym clothes, automating finances, or prepping for quick getaways. These routines eliminate friction and help us act automatically. Visualizing the FutureOne of my favorite tools: the “postcard from the future.” I use AI to generate vivid images of my goals realized, which I keep visible in my space. They remind me why I’m doing the hard things. Rallying the HerdSupport is crucial. If friends and family aren’t on board, online groups can be life-changing. When we surround ourselves with others chasing similar goals, their momentum lifts us up too. Takeaways:You don’t need more discipline. You need a better system — one that motivates your emotions, guides your plans, and clears your path. Every step forward starts with understanding how your mind works and building an environment that makes change easier. It’s not about giant leaps. It’s about small, consistent wins that make you feel capable and confident. Keep your eye on the vision, celebrate each win, and know that you've got this. https://startwithsmallsteps.com/234-the-secret-to-lasting-change-its-not-willpower/ Jill’s Links https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJillday https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps https://twitter.com/schmern Email the podcast at jill@startwithsmallsteps.com

233 - Tests to Understand What Makes Us Tick Understanding personal motivation and behavior is one of the most powerful tools for self-improvement. This episode explores how personality tests can offer practical insight into how people work, what energizes them, and why certain strategies succeed where others fail. It’s not about putting people into boxes—it’s about using patterns and traits as clues to navigate life more effectively. Top Topics: Recognizing Behavioral PatternsEveryone has habits and responses that repeat, often without noticing. Personality assessments help bring those patterns into focus. By observing what consistently works—and what doesn’t—it's possible to better understand tendencies, motivations, and blind spots. That kind of clarity opens the door to intentional, sustainable change. How Myers-Briggs Transforms RelationshipsOne of the most widely known assessments, Myers-Briggs can offer insights into how people process information, make decisions, and interact with others. Learning to appreciate the strengths and weaknesses in different personality types leads to deeper understanding and stronger connections, especially in friendships and partnerships with contrasting traits. The Four Tendencies: Motivation in FocusDeveloped by Gretchen Rubin, the Four Tendencies framework identifies how people respond to expectations—both external and internal. Recognizing whether someone is an Upholder, Obliger, Questioner, or Rebel makes it easier to build effective habits and avoid frustration. For many, it's the missing piece in understanding why traditional advice doesn’t always work. StrengthsFinder and the Value of Self-Knowledge at WorkStrengthsFinder identifies what people naturally do best. Knowing whether someone thrives in problem-solving, communication, learning, or leadership roles allows for smarter career decisions and more effective teamwork. It shifts the focus from fixing weaknesses to building on existing strengths. Exploring the Landscape of Personality ToolsBeyond the big names, several other tools—such as the Big Five, Enneagram, DISC, and Hogan assessments—offer additional layers of insight. Each test highlights different aspects of personality, from emotional stability to core values and work preferences. Understanding how these assessments differ helps in selecting the right tool for personal or professional growth. Takeaways: Personality tests are more than entertaining quizzes—they can be transformative frameworks for self-awareness. Knowing how someone responds to pressure, what drives their behavior, and where they naturally excel provides a roadmap for making better decisions, reducing friction in relationships, and achieving goals more effectively. Rather than guessing or mimicking someone else’s approach, these insights allow for tailored strategies that align with how a person actually operates. When people understand what makes them tick, they can stop fighting their nature and start building lives that truly fit. https://startwithsmallsteps.com/what-makes-us-tick-using-personality-tests-to-understand/ Jill’s Links https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJillday https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps https://twitter.com/schmern Email the podcast at jill@startwithsmallsteps.com

232 - Owning Your Weak Spots This episode unpacks a powerful but often overlooked concept: the value of understanding personal weaknesses. While much is said about knowing and building on strengths, there’s equal—if not greater—wisdom in recognizing the areas where performance or comfort naturally dips. This conversation explores how that self-knowledge can protect against missteps, accelerate growth, strengthen relationships, and create guardrails for personal and professional life. 1. The Danger of Ignoring WeaknessesAvoiding weaknesses doesn’t eliminate them. Instead, they lurk in the background, ready to sabotage progress. Identifying them allows for awareness and intentional choices. 2. Patterns That Reveal TruthBehavioral patterns—like procrastination or avoidance—often reveal underlying weaknesses. These patterns can be clues to areas that need reflection and potential growth. 3. Growth through Targeted ActionOnce weaknesses are acknowledged, it becomes possible to improve with focus. Whether it’s through systems, education, or tools, targeting a weakness leads to faster, more sustainable progress. 4. Healthy Collaboration and BoundariesHonesty about limitations fosters trust. Asking for help, seeking feedback, or teaming up with complementary strengths builds strong working and personal relationships. 5. Knowing What to Fix—and What to DropNot all weaknesses need to be “fixed.” Some can be left alone if they don’t significantly impact life or work. It’s about knowing where energy is worth spending. Takeaways: Recognizing weaknesses doesn’t mean failure—it opens the door to smarter decisions, better alignment, and sustainable productivity. Whether it’s choosing roles that align with strengths or avoiding burnout by declining the wrong fit, this kind of self-awareness is invaluable. Emotional honesty, strategic support, and thoughtful reflection can transform weaknesses from hidden liabilities into manageable realities. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s clarity, confidence, and growth on your own terms. https://startwithsmallsteps.com/232-owning-your-weak-spots/ Jill’s Links https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJillday https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps https://twitter.com/schmern Email the podcast at jill@startwithsmallsteps.com

231 - From Struggle to Strength In this episode of Start With Small Steps, I share the deeply personal and transformative journey of understanding and owning my strengths. From childhood frustrations with writing to discovering a passion for math and science, I talk about how recognizing what you're naturally good at can shape your entire path forward. The Power of Knowing Your Strengths:Growing up, I learned the hard way that forcing yourself to be good at everything leads to frustration. Once I accepted that writing wasn’t my strength and that I lit up around science and math, my entire academic and career trajectory improved. Knowing your strengths isn’t about limitation—it’s about focus. Interest vs. Ability:I talk about how true success comes when interest meets ability. You might love a hobby, but if it doesn’t match your strengths, it can drain rather than energize you. I explain how to distinguish between fleeting passions and lasting competencies. Feedback and Assessment Tools:Friends and coworkers revealed strengths I didn’t even know I had. Tools like the Clifton Strengths Finder and High Five Test added unexpected insight. These moments of reflection helped me reframe how I see myself. When Imitation Backfires:I share the story of how I tried to mimic a successful coworker to get promoted. The turning point came during a work trip where she told me she could never do what I had just done. That moment helped me realize the importance of being the best version of me, not someone else. Takeaways:Recognizing your strengths brings clarity, energy, and direction. Use feedback and assessments to identify your unique talents. Don’t waste time chasing someone else’s strengths—grow what’s already within you. Build your life around the things that feel effortless, exciting, and empowering. Jill’s Links https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJillday https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallsteps https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps https://twitter.com/schmern Email the podcast at jill@startwithsmallsteps.com