Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Here's some potent relationship advice: Learn to be skillful with transitions!If you've ever been in a dating relationship or long-term, committed relationship, you've likely experienced the chaos that ensues if you don't handle transitions well. For example, if you come home from work and you're not actually ready to be present with your wife or kids, it's likely someone will be pissed. ;)Transitions are about more than just that scenario, though. They're relevant in the early stages of dating all the way up to marriage.Many a married client come to us because he wants MORE in his partnership. He wants to show up well with his wife, and for her to feel good with him. He wants to inspire trust, connect with her sexually in a satisfying way (both for her and for him), and have her be able to truly surrender to him.This kind of close, sexy dynamic requires healthy, vibrant polarity. And if you're all about that good, good polarity with your partner, you need to know how to handle transitions well. Let's talk about it!Memorable quotes from this episode:"I don’t know if I want to take things deeper, so I’m just not going to talk about things.""She didn’t want him to be there if he didn’t want to be there.""I felt safer in the relationship because I knew that I wasn't the only one tracking things going on with us."---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

"I’m curious about open relationships. How do I talk to my partner about it?"This is one of those thorny sex & relationship topics that a lot of us tread lightly around. We know it's sensitive, and if we're past the dating phase (i.e. we're married/in a long-term committed relationship), it can feel like the stakes are high. Like if we even raise the question, we could jeopardize this relationship that means a lot to us.If you've ever wondered how to bring up possibly opening up your relationship without hurting or offending your partner, you're in good company. Many people who are interested in the concept of open relationships are at a loss when it comes to talking about it with their partner.Here, we go over common mistakes people make when bringing this subject up with a relationship partner, and how to do it in a compassionate way -- a way that makes it clear this is an invitation, and not an ultimatum. (And obviously when it comes to good sex, dating, and relationship advice, ultimatums are rarely the answer!)We also get into an entertaining story of how NOT to do it, which includes a hot night of clubbing followed by the shower from hell. ;)Memorable quotes from this episode:“Monogamy is all I knew.”“Some people took this crush thing to another level.”“The thought, ‘I’m not enough’ exploded in his brain.”“Sexual autonomy is a thing some people want.”---Mentioned on this episode:Dr. Joli's work can be found here (www.jolihamilton.com/)The "done for you" conversation referenced can be found here (www.jolihamilton.com/easy)---Work with meReady to break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good? Jason and I are ready to work with you in our flagship program, Pillars of Presence. To see if there's a fit, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

When we think about sexy turn-ons and arousal -- especially when we're engaging in solo play -- many of us think about visual porn. The numbers bear this out: according to Psychology Today, 80% of men and 26% of women have watched internet porn within the last week.But what about other ways of being turned on? Specifically, what about erotica?It turns out a whole bunch of men are into audio porn (oh hi, ASMR) as well as story-based erotica and erotic fiction. This week's guest is an erotic fiction author, voiceover artist, and podcaster who writes erotic stories! We talk about turn-ons, the difference between visual porn and erotica, and how a giantess using a man's entire body as a dildo can be a huge turn-on.Memorable quotes from this episode:“Holy shit, what the F have I been missing?”“Erotica and audiobooks are immersion, and infinite instead of finite.”“They got tired of porn, so they started to explore erotic romance.”Work with usReady to break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good? Jason and I are ready to work with you in our flagship program, Pillars of Presence. To see if there's a fit, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

How do you know if you're being creepy? For many of our clients, the fear of making a woman uncomfortable -- or being seen as creepy -- can be debilitating or even paralyzing. These men are often concerned that they're "bad" just for wanting sex (hint: You're not. You're just human.).If you've ever been afraid of being perceived as creepy or a pervert, you're not alone -- even men in relationships have this fear. Much of it stems from early childhood experiences, including religious trauma. And fortunately there's a lot you can do about this.Here, we go into what it actually means to be creepy (including my own personal share of a bad experience I had with a man, vs. ones where I've felt safe and comfortable), as well as how you can start to own your own sexuality in a more healthy and straightforward way.Whether you're single, dating, or in a long-term committed relationship like a marriage, there's something here for you. Sex, self-acceptance, shame, and love are all connected.Memorable quotes from this episode:"I don't want to be a #MeToo guy.""Healthy sexuality is a part of your humanity.""There's often a shame match, where a man with shame attracts a shame-inducing partner.""As men grow and reclaim parts of themselves that have been denigrated, they attract different kinds of women.""I can have the kind of relationship I want!"Work with usIf you're committed to breaking old patterns and transforming your sex & love life in a real and lasting way, we'd love to work with you. To see if there's a fit, book a call here. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Ever found yourself resentful of a relationship partner? Maybe you feel like you're always giving and never getting much in return. Perhaps you've seen her as selfish, not providing you with the respect, love, attention, or sex you need in order to feel connected.Everyone has heard, "You can't love someone else until you love yourself," but what does loving yourself actually mean? Hint: It's not just taking bubble baths or treating yourself to fancy pastries.Self-love is the bedrock of relationship, and it's deeply related to resentment, fulfillment, and -- perhaps unexpectedly -- parenting. It's also linked to healthy sex, dynamic dating, and honest relationships.Whether you're currently in a romantic relationship, want to be in a relationship, or are somewhere in between, this is a critical skill to build. There are 3 myths about self-love. Can you guess what they are?Memorable quotes from this episode:"Oh my God, I don’t even love myself, and this could be driving some of our relationship patterns.""It was like a low-level sadness, like something was missing in my life but I didn’t know what it was.""Anything I didn’t deem as a positive emotion, I didn’t make space for ... and that translated to my kids.""We are never the same self; you are always relating to a different self.""'I’ve got to work harder' is a trigger thought"“I need novelty.”---From this episode:Megan’s podcast: Amory (amorypodcast.com)Megan’s mini-course on self-love (Our retreat, The Nature of Relating, in Costa Rica, Nov 9-14. Use code FRIENDOFMEL for $200 off (https://tinyurl.com/2p2ykrkz)---Work with usReady to break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good? Jason and I are ready to work with you in our flagship program, Pillars of Presence. To see if there's a fit, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)More upcoming live events:The Heart of Shadow program run by Jason & Luke starts Sept 19th and includes a live retreat Oct 18-22. Dear Men listeners get 10% off tuition here: melaniecurtin.com/shadow

Let's be real: For many men, it's often hard to figure out women. Moods change quickly, and often you know something is going on but you're not sure what (or how to find out). It's also hard when you feel like nothing you do is ever enough for her.Here we talk about feminine testing, and what it means to play with it by tussling. When she pushes your boundaries or overreacts to something seemingly small, what's really going on? Why does she seem to pick fights sometimes, but other times melt in your arms? And more importantly, how do you handle this in a way that actually builds connection for both of you?Hint: If you don't want negative emotional tension in your relationship, you need to get skilled at positive emotional tension.Whether you're dating, in a long-term relationship like a marriage, or anywhere in between, positive emotional tension helps with everything from connection to sex to a really hot date night.We also outline the difference between tussling — healthy, positive emotional tension — and abuse. To be in healthy relationship you must know the signs of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and how to avoid partners with that patterning. We also delve into loving, conscious dominance -- which frequently leads to smokin' hot sex. ;)Memorable quotes from this episode:"Having a PhD really didn’t help much when it came to my relationships!"We all get needy.”“If I've got you arguing with me, at least I’ve got your attention.”Mentioned on this episode:Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) - an evidence-based treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodron 

If you want a woman to fully surrender to you, you've got to inspire deep trust in her. This includes sexually -- a woman who deeply trusts her man is infinitely more likely to open up when it comes to sex.And most men want to be trusted. They want to be satisfying to their partner sexually, emotionally, and physically. They want their partner to feel safe with them. Trust is the basis of safety, upon which relationship thrives, but it's not always easy to grasp what it means to be trustable.So here we talk about it! Four of us women reveal what it takes for a man to be deeply trustable to us. We share personal stories of times we didn't trust a man (and why), as well as times we felt deep trust and connection. There are a lot of commonalities amongst our stories.In a world where so many women feel unsafe with so many men, being a trustable man and partner is one of the ways you can stand out. Whether you're dating, married, or starting out in a new relationship, there are quality lessons here.

Shadow work is popular in the personal growth community, and for good reason — it can be deeply transformational. Many people report deeper and more lasting shifts with shadow work than with years of talk therapy.But what’s talked about less often is how sexy shadow work can make you. As a woman who has sex with men, I can attest to this — a man who does real shadow work is hot. Period.Here, Jason and I join forces with Luke Adler, doctor of Chinese medicine, healer, and men’s coach, to talk all things shadow work, sex, relationships, masculine identity, and the freedom that comes from doing deep work with trustable people.Dear Men listeners get 10% off registration using the coupon codes in the link below.Memorable quotes from this episode:"Actual table flip!“Mentioned on this episode:melaniecurtin.com/shadow

In our work with men who have sex with women, we've noticed a few distinct categories. There are three specific archetypes of men we see most commonly, and here we outline their patterns.We do this in part because I want to reveal the deep yearning on the part of a lot of women who relate with men romantically. While the themes discussed in this episode are relayed in the frame of men who relate with women romantically, and vice versa (many of whom identify as heterosexual/straight), I believe there's a universal human longing at play.Here we talk about the three types of men, their differences, their paths, and the category that a lot of women crave from the depths of their being.Evolutionary Men RetreatWant to go deeper than the podcast? Join us LIVE for our yearly, in-person retreat. This sold out last year and as of this episode dropping, we've still got 3 slots left.Labor Day weekend, Aug 31st - Sept 4th, 2023. Northern California. To sign up or learn more, go here.Work with usIf you're committed to breaking old patterns and transforming your sex & love life in a real and lasting way, we'd love to work with you. To see if there's a fit, book a call here. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Want a woman to feel deeply, profoundly, extraordinarily safe with you? Able to surrender fully, relaxing all the way into your arms, allowing her body to open to you in ways you never knew were possible?Then you need to know about this.Whether you're dating or in a long-term committed relationship, there's an underlying fear that, according to Violet, who has worked with hundreds of women and heard from thousands, 99% of women have.It's a fear you may share. And if it's not addressed, it can block intimacy, whether that's in sex or other relationship dynamics. The good news? You can learn to address it skillfully -- and this can profoundly shift a dynamic within a relationship. If you've been looking for the best relationship advice ever, it might just be this. ;)Memorable quotes from this episode:"I’m not going to be THAT girl.""I don't care what my fling thinks, but I don't want my partner to think I'm a trashy whore.""I’m too needy, bossy, driven. I’m too fat, too slutty, too crazy."---Evolutionary Men RetreatIt's happening! Come join us. This sold out last year and as of this episode dropping, we've still got 4 slots left.Labor Day weekend, Aug 31st - Sept 4th, 2023. Northern California. To sign up or learn more, go here.---Also mentioned on this episode:Violet's Wild Sensuality retreatDear Men podcast episode 128: Feel like you're always walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder