ON BOYS Podcast

Roughhousing can teach boys about healthy touch. Photo by SnarkleMotion via Flickr Society teaches boys that there are two kinds of "acceptable" touch for males: sex, and aggression. No wonder so many boys and men turn to sex and aggression to meet their very human need for touch! Physical play -- including play wrestling, "chase" games and roughhousing -- give boys multiple opportunities to experience healthy touch while learning about boundaries and consent. "Roughhousing is really more like dancing than fighting," Dr. Cohen says. "It can look like fighting, but the participants have to be really tuned in to each other." Building in frequent stops and starts can prevent physical play from getting out of control, Dr. Cohen says. Make it fun: "Freeze!" "OK, go!" Not sure if the kids are having fun or legitimately trying to hurt one another? Ask. A question that's not asked nearly enough, Dr. Cohen says, is "Are you enjoying this?" Also: tears don't necessarily mean the session was a disaster or ill-advised. "Tears are fine as long as there's comforting and a pause and connection," Dr. Cohen says. "If it's tears and then humiliation, it's the humiliation that's the problem, not the tears." In this episode, Jen, Janet & Lawrence discuss: The importance of healthy touch Difference between fighting & roughhousing Why moms should roughhouse with their boys The "sock game" Ground rules: yay or nay? How to keep roughhousing from getting out of control When to intervene in rough play NOTE: The sound quality on this episode is still less-than-ideal. Jen was experiencing technical difficulties. The good news is that those episodes are now resolved. :)  Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Art of Roughhousing: Good, Old-Fashioned Horseplay and Why Every Kid Needs It, by Dr. Lawrence Cohen & Dr. Anthony T. DeBenedet Playful Parenting: An Exciting New Approach to Raising Children that Will Help You Nurture Close Connections, Solve Behavior Problems and Encourage Confidence, by Dr. Lawrence Cohen PlayfulParenting.com — Lawrence’s website 6 Reasons Why You Should Roughhouse with Your Kids - the article that led us to Dr. Cohen Rough and Tumble Games to Play with Boys This Summer -- BuildingBoys blog post Sexual Abuse Affects Boys Too -- our first ON BOYS conversation w Dr. Cohen LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:  Use this link Facebook:  Use this link Linkedin:  Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Dads are so important! We can't talk about raising boys without also talking about the men who help create and parent them. Dad were boys long before they were fathers, and they understand boyhood and the path to manhood in a way we never will. So, this Father's Day, we turned the mic over to 5 dads: Doc, a Wisconsin-based father of 3 Doc & his 3 kids Doc's advice for moms of boys: "It's going to be OK. It takes boys a long time to fully develop." Luis, a NY-based dad of 2 boys.... Louis, dad of 2 ....who says, "I didn't realize I'd be afraid for my children so often." Chris, a New Hamsphire resident and father of 2 Chris, Dad of 2 Chris reminds us that "your boys don't need you to a superhero. They need you to be kind. They need you to be model of how to manage strong emotions and strong feelings. They need you to be YOU." Phillip, a Portland, OR-based father and grandfather Phillip, Dad & Papa Boys, Phillip says, have a lot of energy and good intentions. Casey, an Idaho-based dad of 2 young boys Casey, Dad of 2 "The father/son relationship is so challenging," Chris says, noting that his view of his dad has changed over the years. Now, Chris says he's "inspired to be just like." THANK YOU TO ALL THE MEN WHO ARE HELPING RAISE THE NEXT GENERATION! In this episode, the dads discuss:Fatherhood How mothers can support fathers What dads are trying to teach their sons What moms need to know about boys The mother/son relationship The father/son relationship Parenting boys Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Charlie Capen on Fatherhood & Raising Boys -- ON BOYS episode Being a Stay-at-Home Dad -- ON BOYS episode LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:   Use this link Facebook:  Use this link Linkedin:  Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

At least 1 in 5 people are differently wired, says Debbie Reber, founder of TiLT Parenting. Differently wired kids are neurologically atypical. They perceive the world differently than their peers and express themselves differently as well. These differences can be subtle or glaring, and as a parent or teacher, it can be hard to know how to respond to these quirks. Debbie and her husband noticed their son Asher's differences early on. He was "more intense, more precocious, more challenging" than similarly aged children and was "moving through the world in a different way" than his peers. By elementary school, his differences were creating challenges. Eventually, the family learned that Asher is "twice exceptional;" he's gifted and has some learning challenges, including ADHD and executive functioning and sensory issues. The diagnoses confirmed Debbie's gut instinct: Asher moves through the world differently than most boys his age. But the diagnoses didn't unveil any magic solutions. The family still had to learn how to help Asher thrive. "It's tricky to figure out a path and a plan when your child doesn't fit the box," Debbie says. "It's important to realize that there is no handbook for these kids. It's really about trying to identify your child's areas of weakness, learning what kind of support might help them right now and then taking one step at a time." Identifying and supporting your son's strengths is also essential. After all, differences aren't necessarily a bad thing. "We value disruptors as the innovators, the people creating new products and solving the problems of the world. Disruption is a buzzword!" Debbie says. "Our kids are disruptors because they're non-conformists, they see the world differently, they're going to challenge authority and question everything. Isn't that what we want?" In this episode, Jen, Janet & Debbie discuss: Identifying differently wired children What to do if people dismiss your concerns about your son's behavior The link between lagging skill development and "bad behavior" Respectful transparency (or, how to talk to your son about his challenges) How to find help for your differently wired kid Why you need to challenge your beliefs about what you (and your child) "should" do Homeschooling as an option for differently wired boys Why non-conformity and disruption are good things Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: tiltparenting.com -- TiLT Parenting online (includes links to TiLT Parenting Podcast too) TiLT Together FB Group Differently Wired: A Parent's Guide to Raising an Atypical Child with Confidence and Hope, by Debbie Reber Twice Exceptional Boys (w Ramsey Hootman) -- ON BOYS episode ADHD with Ryan Wexelblatt the ADHD Dude -- ON BOYS episode Sensory Processing Disorder w Nancy Peske -- ON BOYS episode Snoop Dogg listening to Let It Go (Video mentioned at 29:02. Trust us & watch this video if you haven't seen it yet!) Why the Future Will be Differently Wired -- Debbie's 2018 TEDx Talk The "New Normal" Kids and Why We Need to Embrace Them -- Debbie's 2019 TEDx Talk "My Boy Can" Parenting -- our first ON BOYS conversation w Sassy Harvey (mentioned at 36:33) LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:  Use this link Facebook:  Use this link Linkedin:  Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Black boys matter. Such a simple statement. And yet... George Floyd is dead. His name joins the long list of others (Trayvon Martin, Philando Castile, Tamir Rice, Michael Brown, etc., etc., etc...) whose lives have been cut short by racism, bias and brutality. Photo via Pixabay We here at ON BOYS are NOT OK with the status quo. We are committed to equity and opportunity, to listening and learning. We will not be silent.  This week -- and as often as possible -- we are amplifying black voices. Today’s guest is Chandra White-Cummings, a freelance writer and lawyer who’s served as a policy fellow for Moms of Black Boys United. We also encourage you to check out Chandra's recent Washington Post article, "We Need More White Parents to Talk to Their Kids About Race. Especially Now," and her new Race@Home multimedia series, featuring conversations about race, socialization and parenting. “There is a lot of discussion going on about suicide, mental health, emotional wellness and stigma, much of it centered around what’s going on in the African-American and other communities of color,” Chandra says. “However, often, it is the sad unfortunate case that African-American women — moms — don’t get invited into these conversations.” Let's listen, and then act. #BlackLivesMatter #podcastblackout In this episode, Jen, Janet & Chandra discuss: Factors affecting mental health in the African-American community Implicit, unconscious bias How racism causes parents to “over-pathologize” black boys’ behavior The loss of protective factors — tight-knit communities, nearby family — that once helped support mental health The need for connection How society often misinterprets anxiety and depression in boys — which may manifest as rage and irritability — as “danger” rather than symptomatic of a mental health concern Racial disparities in schools How to begin dismantling implicit bias How trauma impacts mental health —  & how the legacy of slavery impacts mental health today Why it’s time to listen to (rather than study) the black community Engaging in conversations about racism Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: We Need More White Parents to Talk to Their Children About Race. Especially Now. -- Washington Post article by Chandra Race@Home conversation between Chandra & Jen www.cwcmediagroup.com — Chandra’s website. Includes links to many of her articles Addressing Racism & Racial Disparities with Hilary Beard — ON BOYS episode The 1619 Project — NYT multi-media examination of the impact of slavery on the United States Teen Football Star Bryce Gowdy Faced Struggles Before His Suicide — news story mentioned by Chandra at 32:14 Writing My Wrongs: Life, Death, and Redemption in an American Prison, by Shaka Senghor — book mentioned by Chandra at 48:08 Chokehold: Policing Black Men, by Paul Butler — book mentioned by Chandra at 48:03 Survival Math: Notes on an All-American Family, by Mitchell Jackson — memoir about growing up black in Portland, OR What Set Me Free: A True Story of Wrongful Conviction, a Dream Deferred, and a Man Redeemed, by Brian Banks We Speak for Ourselves: A Word from Forgotten Black America, by D. Watkins LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:   Use this link Facebook:  Use this link Linkedin:  Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Photo by Lee Carson via Flickr  1 in 5 boys experience sexual abuse before their 18th birthday.  More than one-quarter of male victims of a completed rape (27.8%) experienced their first rape when they were 10 years of age or younger. And 43% of men report experiencing some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime.   Today's guest, psychologist Lawrence Cohen, founded one of the first therapy groups for male survivors of sexual abuse. As recently as the 1980s and '90s, there was little public awareness that males could be victims of sexual abuse. Indeed, even today, parents and teachers spend much more time talking to girls than boys about the possibility of sexual abuse or harassment. Girls are taught how to stay safe & how to call for help; boys are mostly told to not sexually abuse or harass females. "The lack of awareness, education and understanding leaves boys very vulnerable," Dr. Cohen says. Societal expectations also contribute to boys' vulnerability to sexual abuse. Consider: Boys are socialized to believe that males should want sex at any time, anywhere, with anybody Boys aren't encouraged to feel or express their emotions Boys are not cuddled, loved and nurtured in the same way girls are "Boys walk around hungry for that kind of nurturing, touch and gentleness, and unfortunately, there are people who will exploit that and take advantage of that," Dr. Cohen says. The #MeToo movement has brought the issue of sexual assault and harassment into public conversation, but the "dominant [public] view is that men are the perpetrators and women are the victims," Dr. Cohen says. Which means that it is absolutely essential for parents and teachers of boys to counter that prevailing narrative. Boys need to know that they (or their friends) can be victims of sexual assault or harassment. They need to be taught red flags that indicate questionable behavior, and they need to know how to safely reach out for help. NOTE: We know our sound quality is less-than-ideal on this episode. Jen's desktop computer AND laptop crashed right before we were scheduled to record, which meant she had to use her phone to join the conversation. Please forgive the poor sound quality; we had Larry on the line and thought his message was important enough to power through our technical challenges. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Lawrence discuss: Why so many men & boys don't disclose sexual abuse How sexist stereotypes and unhealthy expectations of masculinity increase boys' vulnerability to abuse Why you must teach young boys about emotions Educating boys about consent and boundaries The importance of acknowledging sexual pleasure -- & the fact that bodies may respond, whether or not the touch was wanted or welcome Violent vs seductive sexual abuse Grooming leading to sexual abuse The emotional impact of abuse How to support a boy or man who discloses abuse What to do if you have a "gut feeling" that something is wrong How roughhousing teaches boys about healthy touch Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: PlayfulParenting.com -- Lawrence's website Stop Sexual Abuse with These 6 Steps -- classic BuildingBoys post Pay attention to Stop Sexual Abuse -- another BuildingBoys post Sexual Abuse & Penn State -- 2011 BuildingBoys post Managing Emotions - ON BOYS episode Consent with Mike Domitrz - ON BOYS episode How to Teach Consent to Boys -- Without Shaming Them -- award-winning Your Teen article by Jen LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:   Use this link Facebook:  Use this link Linkedin:  Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Chores, Victoria Prooday says, are the most efficient way to build our boys' emotional muscle. Prooday, a psychotherapist, occupational therapist and speaker, is convinced that self-regulation is the key to success -- and science backs up her assertion. As early as 1998, psychologists were publishing papers and chapters stating that, "Self-regulation has major, important implications for success in life...People who are good at self-regulation show a multitude of advantages over other people, in both task performance and interpersonal relations." Meanwhile, our best parenting intentions led us astray. "Even thought we know the the key to success in life is self-regulation, what we offer our children is a lifestyle that promotes the exact opposite," Prooday says. "They are constantly entertained. There is not a moment of boredom. No responsibilities, no chores." The answer, she says, is to "educate our children about what will actually make them successful," Grades and popularity don't guarantee success or satisfaction. Instead, our children need to develop the ability to work hard and persist despite challenges and boredom. Chores can help our children develop self-regulation, but (as you've likely already learned), simply telling your child (OK, yelling at your child) "You need to help me around the house!" is not effective. That's why Prooday explains the why to children. "Your brain is just like a muscle," she says. "You train it the same way you train a physical muscle; you train your emotional muscle." Prooday emphasizes that fact that regular chores -- which must be done even though they're boring and regardless of whether or not one feels like doing them -- help the brain develop persistence and the ability to delay gratification. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Victoria discuss: How good intentions can lead us astray Regulation vs. dysregulation How chores build self-discipline Why parents should talk to children about the effects of technology on the brain Balancing physical activity with screen time during the pandemic The 20-20-20 rule -- when using screens, look away every 20 minutes, for 20 seconds, to a distance of 20 feet Setting kids up for success How frequent breaks can fuel productivity (& decrease fighting about online school!) The importance of handwriting Benefits of handwritten assignments vs. screen-based assignments Tapping into boys' desire to contribute to the greater good Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: yourot.com -- Victoria's website The Silent Tragedy Affecting Today's Children -- Victoria's 35 million download blog post Screens and Boys -- ON BOYS episode LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:   Use this link Facebook:  Use this link Linkedin:  Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

There are 10 million single moms in the United States. Many are raising boys. And despite the naysayers, many are doing a great job! Is single parenting difficult, especially during a pandemic? Absolutely. But single moms have more power and potential than they realize, says Emma Johnson, aka Wealthy Single Mommy. Johnson, a single mom of two (a boy and a girl), is the author of The Kickass Single Mom: Be Financially Independent, Discover Your Sexiest Self and Raise Fabulous, Healthy Children. She's also the founder of Wealthy Single Mommy and a strong advocate for shared parenting.   In this episode, Jen, Janet & Emma discuss: Parenting during the pandemic Single parent stressors How single moms can give to others Building systems of support Co-parenting -- & how to navigate co-parenting during a pandemic How (& why) moms need to to include fathers Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Wealthy Single Mommy -- Emma's website The Kickass Single Mom: Be Financially Independent, Discover Your Sexiest Self, and Raise Fabulous, Happy Children, by Emma Johnson Single Mom Stimulus Grant - Emma is currently giving away $500 each week to a single mom, no strings attached. Apply here Moms for Shared Parenting --  an activist organization promoting equally shared parenting Is Shared Parenting Best for Boys After Divorce? -- BuildingBoys blog post Millionaire Single Moms -- Emma's FB group Being a Single Mom During This Pandemic is No Small Feat -- Your Teen article In Defense of Single Moms Raising Boys -- BuildingBoys blog post Tips for Single Moms Raising Boys -- BuildingBoys blog post LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter: Facebook: Linkedin: STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Is mom in control at your house?  We don't mean "in control" in the dictator sense, or in the mom-is-storming-around-the-house-yelling-at-everyone way. We don't even mean "in control" to mean "your house is neat and orderly and your children do exactly as you say." We mean in control of YOURSELF. After all, the only thing you can really control are your thoughts and actions. "The first thing I always say is, if you want to feel in control in your life, you have to give up control," says Heather Chauvin , a strategic parenting expert and mom of 3 boys, currently ages 7, 10 and 15. "Because when you're trying to control you children's behavior, when you're trying to control and plan with no flexibility and then this happens and your routine is blown up, you will feel out of control." So, let go. Figure out where you want to focus your time and energy. Figure out how you want to feel. Then, make choices that reflect those priorities. It's OK to insert a pair of ear plugs when you need some peace and quiet. (In fact, Heather recommends investing in a pair of noise-canceling headphones!) You do not need to be available to your children, your partner, your work or your friends 24/7. You too deserve down time and time to work on personal projects -- and you will be a better mom if you give yourself that time. "When you're able to figure out how to protect yourself -- your space, your energy -- you're literally teaching your children how to respect themselves," Heather says. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Heather discuss: Coping with increased screen time Why you should invest in a pair of noise-canceling headphones Boundary setting Motivating boys How you can change the energy in your home -- & get your boy to come out of his room Dealing with online school Letting go of other people's expectations Helping our kids handle anxiety and uncertainty Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: heatherchauvin.com -- Heather's online home Mom is in Control -- Heather's podcast Mom is in Control Business podcast -- Heather's business-oriented podcast LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:  Use this link Facebook:  Use this link Linkedin:  Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And subscribe to Building Boys Bulletin, a weekly email newsletter jam-packed with info & inspiration. Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for Jennifer  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

A generation ago, few people thought much about understanding gender. Then, gender seemed simple and straightforward: boy or girl, male or female. Things are different today. Merriam-Webster declared they the 2019 word of the year, and there's increasing recognition of the fact that gender is not strictly binary. What does this have to do with boys? Well, our boys are living in a time when it's okay to openly discuss and think about gender. Many of our boys have peers who self-identify as gender-fluid or genderqueer -- and even if they don't have personal friends or acquaintances who are navigating the gender continuum, our sons are growing up in the world in which they (and we) can't assume a person's gender based on physical appearance or anything else. Also: some of us are learning that children we pegged as our daughters might actually be our sons. For many parents (and teachers) -- who grew up in times and places where gender wasn't discussed or pondered but assumed -- this "new" reality can be a bit confusing. But as Alex Iantaffi tells us, gender fluidity has been a part of human experience for millennia. "Gender creativity has always existed across time and space," says Dr. Iantaffi, a licensed marriage and family therapist, parent and author of numerous books about gender. "But at some point in modern science, we have developed this idea of a gender binary and now we think that's 'normal' and 'natural.'" This is a must-listen episode for modern parents who are interested in understanding gender. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Alex discuss: Real-life pandemic parenting All the terms: LGBTQ+, LGBTQIA, LGBTQ2S, cisgender, trans, non-binary, pansexual, gender fluid, intersex, heteronormative The difference between gender & sexuality Is the internet responsible for gender curiosity? Gender creativity throughout history How to support a child who is questioning gender What to do if your boy tells you he's a girl Inclusive language Protecting a gender-nonconforming child in the larger world Harassment of trans, nonbinary and LGBTQ childre Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: alexiantaffi.com -- Alex's online home Gender Stories -- Alex's podcast Gender Reveal -- another podcast, recommended by Alex Life Isn't Binary: On Being Both, Beyond and In-Between, by Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker How to Understand Your Gender: A Practical Guide to Exploring Who You Are, by Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker Why Inclusive Sex Ed is So Important -- article by Jen Additional Resources Recommended by Alex: Sorted: A Memoir of Growing Up, Coming Out, and Finding My Place (A Transgender Memoir), by Jackson Bird Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of An American Family, by Amy Ellis Nutt Transforming Families Minnesota - a a community for transgender, gender non-conforming and questioning youth and their families PFLAG - America's first and largest organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ+) people, their parents and families LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:   Use this link Facebook:  Use this link Linkedin:  Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The phrase "adult children" is an oxymoron: the words adult and children clearly describe very different things, and it's impossible to be an adult and a child at the same time. Except it's not. Most of us are adult children; Jen is 47 and a bona fide adult, but she's also still the child of Al & Pat Wondra. She's also the parent of at least one adult child, a 22 year old who's been living independently for 4 years. Of course, the parent/child relationship changes as children grow into adults -- and that transition can be fraught and confusing for both parents and children. Jen & her 2 oldest boys "Our kids grow and change, and so do we as parents," Janet says. Supporting our emerging adults' ambitions isn't always easy. Sometimes, their goals -- to move far away, for instance -- conflict with our personal preferences. Sometimes, we're genuinely concerned for our grown kids' well-being because our years of living have alerted us to dangers our children haven't yet encountered. It's not easy to thread the needle between support and protection. "I've had to step aside and quietly support the choices my children have made," Janet says -- including her daughter's decision to spend 6 months in Europe as a high school junior and, later, 2 years as a Peace Corps volunteer in western Africa. "The adjustment I've had to make in myself and my children have been huge. It's gut-wrenching sometimes." It all comes down to love "We love our kids so much," Janet says. "We want the best for them, and meanwhile we have to nurture that little crack in our hearts." In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss: Acknowledging the many emotions we experience as our children grow Adjusting to reality Navigating our aging process alongside our kids' (Menopause + puberty!) The lack of support for parents of adult children Finding friendship with your children Handling our feelings of grief and loss The importance of staying connected to your own interests Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Truth About Parenting Teen Boys -- the BuildingBoys  blog post Jen mentions at 13:13 On Graduation & Growing -- BuildingBoys blog post LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:  Use this link Facebook:  Use this link Linkedin:  Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy