ON BOYS Podcast

Can the K'Bro app help boys develop emotional resiliency? Yes, says K'Bro founder Patrina Mack, a mother of a son who was inspired by her son's school-inflicted emotional challenges. Importantly, she says, K'Bro is a boy-friendly, science-based support system that kids can use independently to cope with life's challenges. We've all heard the stats regarding childhood and teenage anxiety, depression, substance use and suicide. Anxiety, depression and suicide are up; substance use is down, somewhat, but still higher than we'd like. We parents want to help our sons avoid pain and trouble, if possible - and if that's not possible, we want to support them as we navigate through the tough times. But how can we help boys who won't talk with us? Who spend most of their time in their rooms and answer our queries with a single word or a grunt? And, who can boys turn to for support when, developmentally, they're turning away from their parents? Recognizing these challenges, Mack used her expertise in product development to create app to help boys (and girls) manage their emotional health. The resulting K'Bro app is "an emotional resiliency app that is addictingly fun to play while developing skills to manage difficulties in a child's life." It's "part game/part anonymous sharing/part knowledgebase" and it offers kids "a safe place to share... thoughts and emotions and get advice on how to deal with life's challenges." Downloading an app might seem like a counterintuitive approach to emotional development. After all, most parents (and teachers) complain that kids today spent too much time online, and many argue that kids need more in-person interactions rather than additional screen time. But think about it: most boys are already comfortable online. They'd rather disclose and discuss their emotions with a machine than with a human. And, they love video games, so an app that gamifies emotional development makes a whole lot of sense. Kids ages 14-16 were the most likely to download K'Bro when the app was advertised online, Patrina says. "If you think about it, it's not that surprising the app appeals to this age group. Puberty has hit, they're transitioning from middle school to high school -- it's a big period of upheaval, a point in time when kids are starting to think more and more for themselves as they separate and prepare for adulthood," she says. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Patrina discuss: How learning challenges and school struggles can lead to anxiety and depression Why therapy isn't always the best choice to help boys navigate their emotions How K'Bro helps boys identify and process emotions and challenges Creating cultures of support How to get boys to use the K'Bro app Unschooling Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: YouROK - website all about K'Bro New App Helps Boys Develop Emotional Resiliency -- BuildingBoys blog postAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

ON BOYS podcast is now officially three years old. Our episodes have been downloaded more than 465,000 times -- with almost 314,000 of those downloads coming over the past year. Join us in this very "unplugged" episode, as we acknowledge the suffering and hardship of the past year, while also noting and celebrating our progress. "The fact that any us of us are still making progress toward our overall goals -- whether professional goals or personal goals, like raising a decent human -- speaks powerfully to how much we care, and how resilient we can be," Jen says. "Take a moment to acknowledge all of those things and the progress you've made." In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: Our origin story -- how ON BOYS podcast came to be Behind the scenes How podcasting is like parenting The exponential growth of ON BOYS How the coronavirus pandemic changed our lives The importance of community Our predictions for life after the pandemic Prioritizing self-care Jen's upcoming books Our future plans Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Introducing Co-hosts Janet & Jen -- our very first ON BOYS episode Building Boys FB group Boys Alive FB group A Revolution for Men & Boys -- ON BOYS episode featuring Charles Corprew (mentioned at 15:57) Building Boys Bulletin - Jen's weekly subscription newsletter Breakthrough Session -- FREE session with Janet Happy SECOND Anniversary to ON BOYS - episode mentioned at 28:34 (click for picture of Jen's pixie cut) Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead -- Brene Brown's podcasts (mentioned at about 37:15) Untamed, by Glennon Doyle -- book mentioned at 37:21Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In her new book To Raise a Boy, author Emma Brown writes, "This is what I want for my son as he grows up: the ability to be himself without paying a social penalty."  [NOTE: This episode contains graphic descriptions of sexual violence from 16:30-21:30] That's what we want too. And we get frustrated sometimes because so many people don't even realize (or aren't willing to acknowledge) that boys and men face gender-specific issues too. We're hopeful that Brown's book will help move the needle because Brown, the investigative journalist who broke the Christine Blasey Ford/Brett Kavanaugh story, is brutally honest throughout the book. She not only shares heartbreaking detail about the reality of boys' lives today; she readily admits that she was previously unaware of the challenges faced by boys. She writes: Deep down, somewhere under my skin, I was holding onto some seriously wrongheaded assumptions -- ideas so ingrained that I did not even notice that, and that rendered boy as something less than human. "The path to this book really started when my son was 6 weeks old," Emma says. "I was home on maternity leave and the first Harvey Weinstein stories broke and MeToo stories were coming out, and I thought, 'Wow. How am I going to raise my son to be different than this?'" Her oldest child was a girl, and Emma realized she had all sorts of ideas about how to raise a girl who resists and challenges gender stereotypes and expectations. But as she pondered her son's future and researched the book, she realized that she "had never grappled with the idea that boys dealt with pressures, stresses and struggles in the same way that girls do around gender expectation," she says. "I wasn't familiar with a lot of the disparate outcomes between men and women or boys and girls before I started working on this book," Emma says, referring to the fact that males are 4 times more likely to die of suicide than females and more likely to experience poor physical health. "Learning about them sort of bowled me over. We do need to do better for boys." In this episode, Jen, Janet & Emma discuss: Gender expectations How shame harms & hinders boys How parents can help boys survive gender stereotyping Sexual violence against boys Helping boys navigate shifting gender norms Preparing boys for healthy relationships Why talking about boys' challenges should not be political Why Emma is hopeful for boys' future Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: To Raise a Boy: Classrooms, Locker Rooms, Bedrooms, and the Hidden Struggles of American Boyhood, by Emma Brown toraiseaboy.com -- includes links to Emma's book-related events & appearances. Talking to Boys About Sexually Aggressive Girls -- Building Boys post (mentioned at 24:51) Masculinity in the Age of #MeToo -- ON BOYS episode Coaching Boys into Men -- violence prevention/healthy masculinity program discussed at 30:32 Gender Policy Council -- new council established by President Biden (mentioned at 32:35) Becoming a Man -- program referenced at 40:45Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The Book of Dares: 100 Way for Boys to be Kind, Bold and Brave turns "dare culture" on its head.  As you likely know, boys live in a world in which status is never fixed; it’s dependent upon their ability to rise to the challenge, to dominate others and not back down from fights. That’s one reason why boys are so susceptible to challenges and dares  And that’s one reason why so many boys do stupid things. Remember the movie “A Christmas Story?” Flick’s tongue got stuck to the pole because he was double-dog- and then triple-dog dared. via GIPHY Ted Bunch, chief development officer of A Call to Men (an organization that promotes healthy, respectful manhood), and Anna Marie Johnson Teague, chief communications officer of the organization, decided to use boys' susceptibility to dares to encourage important emotional growth. "When we set out to write this book, we spoke with thousands of boys around the world," Anna Marie says. "Boys unanimously agreed that dares are equally frightening and fascinating. So we decided to present 100 positive challenges that all promote healthy manhood, authenticity and gender equity." In this episode, Jen, Janet, Ted & Anna Marie discuss: Why boys tackle dares - including harmful ones The collective socialization of manhood The "man box" Helping boys navigate evolving gender expectations Encouraging empathy Talking about male privilege and white privilege (without boys feeling like they're part of the problem!) Developing emotional literacy How healthy manhood promotes mental health Introducing The Book of Dares to your son All done! Day 100 of Jen's 100-Day Dress Challenge Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Book of Dares: 100 Ways for Boys to be Kind, Bold and Brave -- Ted & Anna Marie's book Book of Dares Discussion Guide -- FREE resource to help you introduce and work though the book with your son Helping Boys Grow Into Healthy Men (w Ted Bunch) -- our first ON BOYS conversation w Ted A Call to Men — includes helpful information & data, as well as links to their programs The Birds & Bees Solution Center for Parents — use coupon code ONBOYS to save 15% How (& Why) to Start a Boys' Book Club -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 25:32Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Social media has been a lifeline during the pandemic. It can also destroy lives. In 2016, Ed Peisner's then-16-year-old son was viciously attacked in a social-media motivated assault -- which was filmed and uploaded to social media before his father even arrived on the scene. "It was just a typical Friday," Peisner says. "He was walking home from school and he'd called me and said he was going to stop at the local fast food restaurant and pick up some French fries." And then, life changed. "I got a phone call from one of Jordan's friends. He said, 'somebody punched Jordan'" says Peisner, who grabbed an ice pack and headed to the restaurant, expecting a bloody nose. Instead, he saw emergency vehicles - a fire truck, a police car, an ambulance. His son was in the back of the ambulance, with blood gushing out of his ear. Jordan spent the next 6 days in an ICU with a brain bleed. Meanwhile, the video of his attack went viral. "December 22, 2016 was the turning point in my life," Peinser says. "My life and my family's life changed forever that day." Jordan, thankfully, survived. His father channeled his anger, frustration and pain into educating families and legislators about social media. He founded the Organization for Social Media Safety, a consumer protection association, and worked with California legislators to pass the first law aimed at preventing social media-motivated violence. In this episode, Jen, Janet, Ed & Marc Berkman discuss: Social media-fueled violence Jordan's law - CA law that recognizes and penalizes social media-related violence Kids' thoughts re social media (Spoiler: They want limits) How parents can advocate for laws to protect children online Keeping kids safe online Why you should teach your kids to "block and report" inappropriate content   Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Organization for Social Media Safety -- organization founded by Ed Buckling the  Social Media Seatbelt -- FREE course offered by the Organization for Social Media Safety Which Apps are APPropriate? - ON BOYS episode Raising Kids to Thrive in a Connected World -- ON BOYS episode Keeping Boys Safe Online -- ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health HEALTHY children’s vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Heather Chauvin was dying to be a good mother. Her determination to get it *just right* was fueled by a sense of failure - and societal norms that define "good moms" as self-sacrificing. . 18 years old and single when her first child was born, Heather launched herself into parenting with gusto. She was determined to prove to herself (and others) that she was not a failure. Plus, mothering gave her a sense of purpose. Until it almost killed her. The run-down feeling she had wasn't simply due to parenting exhaustion; it was cancer. The budding entrepreneur and mom of three young boys realized she had to refocus her priorities. It was literally a matter of life and death. "I had to face everything," Heather says. "I felt like I was backed into a corner and there was nowhere to run. Then I realized: I have to run towards my fear, towards my guilt, towards my shame -- everything I'd been saying I didn't have time to look at,." Heather learned she had a lot more power and magic than she was giving herself credit for. She learned to take care of herself - and that everything else was easier when she respected herself and her needs. She began asking herself, "how do you want to feel?" and taking action toward her desired emotions. Now, she tells other moms how they can do the same. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Heather discuss: Societal expectations of "good mothers" How following "good mother" scripts can harm us Why the easy way is often the best way Prioritizing  your needs and passions Giving yourself permission to feel Energetic time management Learning from our kids Screentime management strategies How to not yell Emotional regulation Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Mom is in Control with Heather Chauvin -- ON BOYS episode heatherchauvin.com –– Heather’s online home Mom is in Control — Heather’s podcast dyingtobeagoodmother.com -- website mentioned at 43:25; go here for Heather's FREE 20-page workbook Sponsor Spotlight:  Dr. Mary’s “Overcoming Childhood Anxiety” course — SPECIAL OFFER available to ON BOYS listenersAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Humans are hard-wired to connect with other species, says Richard Louv, author of Our Wild Calling: How Connecting with Animals Can Transform Our Lives -- and Save Theirs and Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder. The loneliness that so many of us (& our boys) are feeling right due is certainly due to pandemic-related restrictions and lockdowns, but also due to our increasing disconnection from the natural world. "The farther we get from the natural world, the lonelier we get," Louv says. The solution: engage with nature. "There's this great conversation going on around us all the time -- of birds, of the coyote that walks through your backyard, the animals that we run into on our hikes, and also our pets," Louv says. "We can hear or sense or be in that conversation if we pay attention. When we do, we are less lonely." Animal encounters also inspire "a sense of wonder and awe," Louv says, that directly benefits our physical and mental health. "Safety in nature is over-rated," he says. "One of the reasons we need nature is because we're often not the top dog in nature. Nature excites all our senses, including the sense of humility." (Jen and her husband got a puppy soon after this episode was recorded. This is not a coincidence.) In this episode, Jen, Janet & Richard discuss: Animals' impact on human lives Species loneliness Why humans search for Bigfoot Why people are tuning into animals during the pandemic How nature and animals help humans heal Nature, risk, safety and humility How pets help develop boys' empathy and responsibility The link between animals and human mental health Human-animal relationships The importance of animal encounters - & why you should tell your animal stories Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: richardlouv.com -- Richard's website Our Wild Calling: How Connecting with Animals Can Transform Our Lives -- and Save Theirs -- Richard's latest book Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder -- Richard's classic book Why We Hunger for a Connection to the Wild During Quarantine -- LA Times op-ed mentioned at 15:06 Children Nature Network -- the nonprofit mentioned by Richard at 17:38 Viral Video Shows Cougar Stalking Utah Hiker - video mentioned at 21:07 Fly-Fishing for Sharks: An Angler's Journey Across America -- another book my Richard, mentioned at 24:33 conwaybowman.com -- the guy who fly-fishes for sharks, as mentioned at 25:25 My Octopus Teacher -- Netflix documentary mentioned at 38:06 Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health HEALTHY children’s vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The "man box" doesn't leave much room for sensitive boys. Photo by Debra Brown via Flickr Society prefers rough-and-tumble boys and men -- the strong, stoic types who lift heavy loads and "buck up," rather than cry, when injured or down. So how do we help our sensitive boys navigate a world that doesn't value their sensitivity? "Sensitive boys are very, very special human beings," says Dr. Sandy Gluckman, a psychologist based in Texas. "The problem is that society, parents and teachers tend to see their sensitivity as a weakness." The truth, though, is that the ability to sense and respond to others' feelings is a gift, as is the ability to experience art, music and life on a deep, emotional level. "They need to learn to own their own feelings, but not the feelings of others," Sandy says. Because sensitive children absorb the feelings of others', you may need to help your son untangle his emotions from others. You can explain that "the sadness you're feeling from David is not yours, so you don't need to pick it up," Dr. Sandy says. Tell you son,  "you can have  empathy or compassion for David, but it should not change your energy or the way you feel about yourself or what you're doing." Sensitive parents can help their sons by narrating their own experiences with sensitivity. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Sandy discuss: Characteristics of sensitive children Parenting sensitive boys Why sensitivity can feel like a burden Helping boys appreciate & embrace the gifts of sensitivity Social challenges for sensitive boys How to strengthen your son's self-concept Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Helping Boys Become Resilient w Dr. Sandy Gluckman -- our first ON BOYS conversation w Sandy You Asked About Age 14, Implicit Bias and Sensitive Boys -- ON BOYS episode Sensory Processing Disorder (w Nancy Peske) -- ON BOYS episodeAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

About 1 in 54 children has autism spectrum disorder (ASD), according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The key word in that sentence is "spectrum." Some people with ASD are nonverbal; some are highly verbal. Some avoid physical contact; some enjoy it. As one popular saying puts it,  "Once you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism." Meet Sam Mitchell, a teenager with autism. Sam is created and hosts the podcast Autism Rocks and Rolls; he's also an author and motivational speaker. Diagnosed at age 4, Sam describes autism as a neurodevelopmental disorder that causes people with ASD to "struggle with certain stuff -- social behaviors, social cues, morals of society." Sam Mitchell, host of Autism Rocks & Rolls Some people with ASD are perceived as others as being rude. What looks like rudeness to others, Sam says, is often just honesty and bluntness. "The truth is, I have a big mouth. I have no filter," he says. That means Sam's not afraid to say what he thinks, and in this episode, he tells us we should talk to people with autism "like you'd talk to anyone else." In this episode, Jen, Janet, Sam & Gina (Sam's mom) discuss: Living with autism Parenting a child with autism Signs and symptoms of ASD Friendship and socialization challenges with ASD How to communicate with someone with autism Coming to grips with an autism diagnosis How preconceived notions about autism lead to exclusion Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Autism Rocks and Rolls - Sam's podcast templegrandin.com -- website of Dr. Temple Grandin, who  is well known to many for her trailblazing work as a spokesperson for people with autism Into Simon Majumdmr's Cookhouse -- Autism Rocks and Rolls episode mentioned at 41:27 Sponsor Spotlight: Hiya Health HEALTHY children’s vitamins — no sugar or “gummy junk” included! Made from a blend of 12 farm-fresh fruits & veggies, Hiya Health vitamins are the easy way to get your boys the nutrition they need.  Use discount code ONBOYS at checkout to save 50%. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What's your family personality?  Don't know? You're not alone. Most people don't think of families as having personalities, but when you understand your personality, your partner's personality and your kids' personalities, life gets easier. Sandra Etherington, a family personality practitioner, uses the Myers-Briggs assessment to help families improve communication and collaboration. "The assessment measures tendencies that reveal how we prefer to get information about the world and make decisions," Sandra says. Understanding family members' personalities shows you "their most comfortable way of being," which makes it easier for you to figure out how to meet them there. Allowing kids to spend most of their time operating in their zone of comfort can actually aid their development. The parental tendency push kids out of their comfort zone may inhibit growth and development. Similarly, when parents spend a lot of time operating outside of their comfort zone, emotional exhaustion soon follows. Learning to respect family personality differences can strengthen your family bonds. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Sandra discuss: Myers-Briggs personality types Why you should focus on & build up your child's strengths Supporting an introverted child How outside influences (anxiety, depression, social pressure) affect personality expression Parenting a child whose personality is the same -- or completely different -- than yours Gender & personality How your personality affects your perception of your child's behavior Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: familypersonalities.com -- Sandra's website Introversion vs. Extroversion - the free download Sandra mentions at 17:47, to help you identify your child's tendency Family Personalities -- Sandra's podcast 16 Personalities - free online personality test mentioned at 18:41 What Makes Him Tick? — ON BOYS Interactive event Affiliate Spotlight: Parenting for the Brave New World mini-summit Use coupon code BOYS25 to save 25% on your registration!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy