ON BOYS Podcast

Division 51 of the American Psychological Association launched a Task Force on Boys in School in 2020.Finally!Boys do worse in school, on average, than girls. Boys are more likely to be disciplined, suspended, or expelled than girls — even when their behavior is similar. They’re also less likely to graduate or go onto college and graduate from college.These facts aren’t new. Boys have been struggling for decades. “We are very late to the game,” says Christopher Reigeluth, PhD, an assistant professor in the Division of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Oregon Health and Science University and chair of the Boys in School task force. “Lots of people are late to the game in this regard. I can take some pride in the fact that we got this task force going and are trying to build awareness of this decades-long issue.”Why It’s Taken So Long to Address Boys’ Issues in SchoolBecause men still predominate in positions of power, many people assume boys are doing just fine.“The light doesn’t get shined on boys and men for their difficulties and issues and mental health struggles the way that it needs to, and those things can get overlooked. And have been overlooked for a long time,” Chris says. Additionally, he says, “the ‘guy code’ doesn’t want there to be acknowledgment of the fact that boys suffer, or boys feel vulnerability and have weaknesses and insecurities, even though everyone does.”Why Boys Struggle in SchoolEducators’ perceptions (and expectations) of boys affect boys’ educational experiences. “Boys as a group experience implicit biases against them,” Chris says.He also believes that boys’ socialization leads many of them to devalue school and education. “a lot of that comes from messages they get about how they should be as guys, and what society tells them is appropriate versus not appropriate behavior,” he says. Boys’ beliefs about masculinity can exacerbate their issues with school.What the Task Force is Doing – & What You Can DoThe task force has created (and is disseminating) a variety of fact sheets:Exploring Boys’ (Mis)BehaviorLearning DisabilitiesHigh Achieving BoysParents and others concerned about boys can also vote for school board members and legislators who care about boys’ issues and education. We can also communicate the importance of education to our boys.Schools and teachers must also create safe, welcoming spaces for boys. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Chris discuss:Chris’ experience as a boy in schoolParenting “underperforming” boysWhat teachers (don’t) learn about boysImplicit bias against boysHow race and gender affect boys’ schoolingHow parents and educators can help boys in schoolLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:www.division51.net/taskforce-on-boys-in-school — Task Force websitechrisreigeluth.com — Chris’ websiteThe Gender Equation in Schools — ON BOYS episodeHow Microschools & Black Moms May End the School to Prison Pipeline — ON BOYS episodeForest Schools Get Boys Learning Naturally — ON BOYS episodeHomeschool Hacks & How to Homeschool Boys –– ON BOYS episodeEmails & Phone Calls from Teachers — ON BOYS episodeHow to Raise a Boy with Michael C. Reichert — ON BOYS episodeThe Masculinity Workbook for Teens: Discover What Being a Guy Means to You — workbook by ChrisAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The New Masculinity: A Roadmap for a 21st Century Definition of Manhood, by Alex Manley, can help boys create their own unique definition of what it means to be a man.With a last name like Manley, it was impossible for Alex to ignore the societal pressures for boys and men to behave in certain ways. But Manley also noticed that “lots of men struggle with masculinity, with trying to live up to an ideal or standard that doesn’t match their lived experience,” they say.Boys and men, Manley says, are caught between traditional definitions and understandings of masculinity, and a future definition that hasn’t been fully defined.Creating a New MasculinityTraditional masculinity is often passed down via a series of “don’ts”: Don’t cry. Don’t walk away from a fight. Don’t break the “bro code” Don’t get friend zoned. Manley wants boys and men to think about how these limitations may be negatively affecting their well-being. Societal expectations that traditionally limit friendships between males and females, and place social responsibility on females’ shoulders, are one reason why so many boys & men are lonely today. And because interpersonal connections are deeply important to human well-being and health, these socially imposed limitations directly contribute to males’ shorter, less healthy lifespans.Creating a new masculinity makes room for boys and men to reclaim their full humanity and live happier, longer, healthier lives.Of course, it’s not easy to challenge (or change) social and cultural expectations. But “the cost of not doing this is a lot more than the cost of doing this,” Manley says. “The long-term benefits of taking action vastly outweigh the short-term negatives.”It’s time, Manley says, for “a masculinity that is not so brittle.”In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Alex discuss:Changing definitions of masculinityWhy boys & men need female friendsHelping boys expand the “man box”Bro cultureHow to support boysWhat boys learn about pain, injury, health, & self-careBeing a decent human vs. being a “good man” (Alex says, “Being a good man and a good human don’t have to be vastly different concepts.”)Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:alexmanley.com — Alex’s websiteThe New Masculinity. A Roadmap for a 21st Century Definition of Manhood, by Alex ManleyA Silent Crisis in Men’s Health Gets Worse — Washington Post article mentionedThe Fragile Beauty of Male Friendship — Substack post by Richard V. ReevesDads, Boys, & Masculinity — ON BOYS episodeSports & Masculinity — ON BOYS episodeJunior Seau, Sports Illustrated, & Playing Thru Pain — classic Building Boys postSponsor Spotlight: Better HelpTherapy to help you live a more empowered life. Go to BetterHelp.com/onboys to save 10%       Sponsor Spotlight: FITAIDClean Energy + Sports Recovery. Go to drinkfitaid.com/ONBOYS and get 40% offAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Fostering Connection: Building Social and Emotional Health in Children and Teens is the latest book by Dr. Tish Taylor, a child psychologist with more than 25 years of experience.Fostering connection is also key to boys’ social, emotional, and overall well-being. But how do we teach our boys to connect? How can we best connect with them?Through her work, Dr. Tish noticed certain patterns of behavior in kids, teens, and adults. She dubbed some of these patterns Connectors and others, Disconnectors. The Helpful Coach Connector, for instance, sees smarter and more effective ways to handle a situation and is willing to call a time-out to ponder options.In contrast, the Insulator, a Disconnector, doesn’t want help or constructive criticism.The Insulator is emotionally overwhelmed and wants other to go away!“I tried to simplify things and make it more concrete,” Dr. Tish says, nothing that, “You can see all of these behaviors and patterns in anyone.” Some of the disconnecting behaviors, though, are perhaps more frequently seen in people with ADHD or oppositional defiant disorder (ODD).In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Dr. Tish discuss:Connecting vs. disconnecting behaviorsAdults as behavior role modelsManaging feelings of failure and inadequacyDisconnecting behaviors common to ADHD and ODDWhat to do when kids don’t want to apologizeInteracting with a kid who’s in “fight” modeFostering flexible thinkingScreentimeDealing w a morning “grumpmeister”Managing your reactions to your boys’ moddsLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:tishtaylor.com — Dr. Tish’s website (includes Connectors & Disconnector cards & images)Fostering Connection: Building Social and Emotional Health in Children and Teens, by Dr. Tish TaylorParenting “Spicy” Boys — ON BOYS episodeTeaching Boys Social Skills — ON BOYS episode w ADHD Dude Ryan WexelblattSponsor Spotlight: Better HelpTherapy to help you live a more empowered life. Go to BetterHelp.com/onboys to save 10%       Sponsor Spotlight: FITAIDClean Energy + Sports Recovery. Go to drinkfitaid.com/ONBOYS and get 40% offAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Empowering boys and dyslexic learners could positively change so many lives.Jason Kantor, a New York-based homeschool tutor who frequently works with boys and dyslexic learners, believes it’s important to identify kids’ strengths and build them up, so they develop true confidence in themselves and their ability. Especially because so many boys and people with dyslexia attend schools that focus on their flaws and shortcomings, rather than their strengths.“A dyslexic who goes to the public school system can feel tormented because they feel dumb,” Kantor says. “They’re sitting there in class and can’t read and think I’m not catching up with my peers, I’m struggling, everyone thinks I’m lazy and unmotivated.” Eventually, these thoughts and feelings leach motivation, and kids lose confidence in their ability.“You can throw the best reading tips and tools at kids, and have the best teachers, but if kids don’t believe in themselves, they’re not going to learn to read,” Kantor says. To effectively help “failing” or “unmotivated” learners, he said, you must first believe in them – and show them that you believe they can do great things.Nurture Kids’ Interests to Help Them Learn“Most kids don’t care about school, so when they fail, they’re like, whatever,” Jason says. But when kids are given the opportunity to do things that matter to them and fall short of their goals, they tend to keep trying.“It’s easier for kids to swallow failure and bounce back when it’s something they want to get better at,” he says. So, when he works with kids, one of the first things he tries to determine is what they’re interested in and passionate about.Jason encouraged one boy, age 15, to start a pizza business. The boy loved to cook, so Jason encouraged him to “take it to the next level.” He’s since developed a recipe, contacted multiple farmers’ markets, and has 11 scheduled bookings.Encouraging and empowering boys and dyslexic learners allows them to develop resilience and confidence.In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Jason discuss:Believing in boysSymptoms of dyslexiaConfidence and exploration for dyslexicsIntrinsic motivation & relationshipsBelief and ambitionBuilding self-belief through encouragementLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:@coachjasonkantor — Jason’s Instgram@thejasonkantor – Jason on TwitterSupporting Boys’ Interests — ON BOYS episodeNovel Education for Boys — ON BOYS episodeSponsor Spotlight: FITAIDClean Energy + Sports Recovery. Go to drinkfitaid.com/ONBOYS and get 40% off  Sponsor Spotlight: Better HelpTherapy to help you live a more empowered life. Go to BetterHelp.com/onboys to save 10%Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands Males is Jen’s second book. Janet says it contains “wise words from a mom who has successfully raised four boys,” “wise words from an author who knows how to weave personal stories with scientific research,” and “wise words from the many experts she’s interviewed” — including many here ON BOYS!The book has been years in the making — years of parenting, learning, pitching, and writing. And it’s applicable to all kinds of families: those raising little boys as well as those raising teens; those raising neurodiverse boys; two-parent families, single-parent families, and more. It’s built around 10 broad guidelines that parents can use to guide their parenting choices & daily interactions:Learn the terrainEmphasize emotional intelligenceDiscuss & demonstrated healthy relationshipsLet him struggleHelp him find & develop his talentsGive him timeChallenge him with chores & caregivingKeep him closeConnect him to the real worldAccept him as he is“I can’t tell you the specific of what to do when your 7-year-old is poking his 4-year-old brother, but I can give you some really good guidelines that you can use to figure out what you want to do next,” Jen says. “What I tried to do in this book is share some of the things that I learned the hard way.”In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:How parenting boys influenced Building BoysWhat Jen’s boys think about the bookWhich chapter Jen wrote firstJanet’s favorite “rule”The pace of male developmentSibling relationshipsMale friendshipFacilitating boys’ interestsThe power of connectionHow bias & racism affect boysHow self-doubt hurts parents of boys (& their sons)Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands Males, by Jennifer L.W. FinkBuilding Boys Bulletin — Jen’s newsletterThe First-Time Mom’s Guide to Raising Boys — Jen’s first bookWhy You Need to Stop Focusing on Your Boys’ Bickering – Building Boys blog postHow to Raise a Boy with Michael C. Reichert — ON BOYS episode mentioned during this oneMore Wisdom from Teacher Tom — ON BOYS episode mentioned during this oneCaste: The Origins of Our Discontents, by Isabel WilkersonHow to Build Your Village – ON BOYS episode mentioned during this oneSponsor Spotlight: Better HelpTherapy to help you live a more empowered life. Go to BetterHelp.com/onboys to save 10%Sponsor Spotlight: FITAIDClean Energy + Sports Recovery. Go to drinkfitaid.com/ONBOYS and get 40% off       Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

You can build your village, says Florence Ann Romano.Most of us have heard that “it takes a village” to help children and adults thrive. We also want to know where $%@ the village went! Parenting today — often, far from extended family — can be an isolating experience.You don’t have to do it all alone, though. In her new book Build Your Village: Guide to Finding Joy and Community in Every Stage of Life, Romano, a childcare advocate and former nanny, shows parents how to create and nurture community.Your Village Should Be Unique“Trying to replicate other people’s villages is where we get into a little bit of trouble,” Romano says. We can feel inferior and depleted when we compare our “village” — our support system — to others. But we all have unique needs, skills, and talents, so our villages should look different.“Every family has their own ethos and values,” Romano says.You need to be vulnerable and honest when you begin building (or shoring up) your village. That part can be uncomfortable; it’s hard to admit — even to ourselves — what we need and might be missing. But “asking for help is absolutely imperative,” Romano says.Taking time to identify your passions and personal interests can also help you populate your village. Why not join a local MeetUp group, or volunteer at, say, your local humane society? Interacting with people who share common interests and goals increases the likelihood that you’ll connect with others who “get” you. And that’s a big part of any village.“No matter how old you are, you want to be seen, heard, and understood,” Romano says.In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Florence discuss:What 15 years of nannying taught Florence Ann about boysHow the COVID-19 pandemic affected about ability to build villageThe 6 villagers you need in your villageHelping your boys build their villageHow nurturing your friendships can help your boys build a healthy villageHow helping others can help you build your villageHow males build a villageLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Build Your Village: A Guide to Finding Joy and Community in Every Stage of Life, by Florence Ann RomanoHow to Have a Kid and a Life — ON BOYS podcastSponsor Spotlight: FITAIDClean Energy + Sports Recovery. Go to drinkfitaid.com/ONBOYS and get 40% off Sponsor Spotlight: StokkeUse promo code RegisterWithStokke at checkout for a FREE highchair padSponsor Spotlight: RightStart MathematicsRightStart Math Card Games kit makes math fun! Use coupon code OB23RSMPC at RightStartMath.com to get 10% offSponsor Spotlight: Better HelpTherapy to help you live a more empowered life. Go to BetterHelp.com/onboys to save 10%Sponsor Spotlight: Green ChefHealthy, Organic, Meal Kit Delivery Service. Use promo code ONBOYS60 to get 60% off & free shipping!3 Green Chef meal kitsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Jonathon Reed has a lot of experience talking to tween & teen boys. As a program manager with NextGenMen, a Canadian organization dedicated to changing how the world sees, acts and thinks about masculinity, Reed frequently works with boys in grades 6-8. He says that while boys today are more comfortable wearing pink than they were a generation or so ago, they still face pressure to think and act in certain ways.“There’s a lot of ‘boys don’t cry,'” Reed says. “There’s still pressure to get girls or be in a relationship.”Gender Narratives Are Shifting Societal expectations of boys & men are shifting. Consider Iron Man, the superhero. Traditionally, male superheros are supposed to super strong and invulnerable. Iron Man, of course, is strong, but in the Avengers movies, he’s shown as struggling with some anxiety and PTSD symptoms due to the “scary stuff he had experienced while defending New York City,” Reed says.These shifting narratives are part of why it’s so important for adults to listen to boys. Our interpretation and understanding of situations and interactions doesn’t necessarily reflect boys’ complex experiences, and neither does our language or approach.“We’ve got to look to them as the leaders in this conversation,” Reed says.School Stress Affects Many BoysTween and teen boys may seem like they don’t care about school, but many are struggling with academic stress and school-related pressure.“The stress related to academics still looms really large in the lives of young people,” Reed says. We can help boys by reassuring them and reminding them, over and over, that grades and school performance are not a mark of a person’s worth.All boys need validation — perhaps, especially, the boys who are in “the middle of the pack” and aren’t getting accolades for academic or athletic performance. Let go of your preconceived expectations, and look for things to value and affirm in the boys you love and work with.Remember, too, that boys won’t necessarily tell you about their problems. “If boys are struggling, often they’re struggling in silence,” Reed says. “There’s still a stigma against asking for help, particularly when it also means admitting a weakness or a vulnerability.”Approach Conversations with CuriosityTeenage boys (and all humans) tend to shut down and stop listening to people who don’t seem to be listening. By adolescence, most boys know that the world isn’t simply black or white; they’re ready to explore the grey. You’ll have better luck discussing difficult subject if you approach conversations with curiosity, Reed says.“Curiosity lays the possibility for an impactful conversation,” he says. Then, listen. Don’t dismiss what boys are telling you; dwell on the awkwardness they share and express.In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Jonathon discuss:Gender expectations for boysLearning from boysWhat boys talk aboutWhy it’s hard for boys to ask for helpUsing boys interests to talk about deeper topicsTalking to tween & teen about Andrew TateDiscussing consentHow building up boys’ confidence increases their ability to resist peer pressure & handle rejectionHelping boys recognize & respect their boundariesBoy cultureLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:NextGenMen websiteRaising Next Gen Men — ON BOYS episodeBreaking the Boy Code — ON BOYS episodeTeen Boys Emotional Lives — ON BOYS episodeCreating Consent Culture: A Handbook for Educators, by Marcia Baczynski and Erica ScottBoys & Sex with Peggy Orenstein — ON BOYS episodeNextGenMen’s Future of Masculinity summit — FREE event Apr. 21 & Apr. 28,2023Sponsor Spotlight: FITAIDClean Energy + Sports Recovery. Go to drinkfitaid.com/ONBOYS and get 40% off Sponsor Spotlight: StokkeUse promo code RegisterWithStokke at checkout for a FREE highchair padSponsor Spotlight: RightStart MathematicsRightStart Math Card Games kit makes math fun! Use coupon code OB23RSMPC at RightStartMath.com to get 10% offSponsor Spotlight: Better HelpTherapy to help you live a more empowered life. Go to BetterHelp.com/onboys to save 10%Sponsor Spotlight: Green ChefHealthy, Organic, Meal Kit Delivery Service. Use promo code ONBOYS60 to get 60% off & free shipping!3 Green Chef meal kitsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

When Michael Gurian published The Wonder of Boys in 1996, there "wasn't any national consciousness about boys' issues," he says.A quarter century later, there are dozens of books about boys, and parents, educators, and politicians alike are realizing that we must address boys' issues if we are to address the current epidemic of violence. Yet despite this progress, "we are still talking about ancillary concepts as to why these boys kill people rather than getting to the root causes of what's going on," Gurian says. We also "still don't systemically understand boys or how to raise them."What Parents Need to Know About Male DepressionMale depression, for instance, is often unrecognized (and untreated) because it is covert. A boy who immerses himself in video games, does just enough school work to get by, or uses drugs or alcohol may actually be depressed. As many as 10-20% of males may be experiencing unrecognized depression, and these males are having an outsized impact on our culture and lives, Gurian says.Parents, healthcare providers, and counselors need to learn about male development -- and they need to learn how to recognize and respond to the signs of male depression, which may include anger, irritability, withdrawal, and substance use. Parents and educators must also partner together to figure out how to help boys succeed in school.How Parents Can Partner with Schools to Help Boys Succeed"Parents and schools need to get really well connected around a specific question: How do we make sure the boys can succeed as well as the girls?" Gurian says.He suggests parents of boys connect with other parents of boys (from at least 3 other families) to create teams to share info, gather data, and approach school administration, expressing their concern and willingness to help address gender disparities in academics and discipline referrals.In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Michael discuss:Progress we've made -- and not made -- regarding boys' issues over the last 2+ decadesWhat the Left and Right get wrong about boys & menWhy you may want to consider going organicMale depressionThe need to train healthcare providers & counselors in male developmentImportance of fathers and male mentoringAdvocating for boys at schoolHow tech affects boys' brainsBoys & violenceMale bonding"Toxic masculinity"Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Keeping boys safe is a top-of-mind concern for parents. For good reason. Injury is the leading cause of death for people ages 1-44 – especially for children.For kids ages 1-14 in the U.S., injuries cause more deaths than the next 10 leading causes of death combined.And guess what? At every age, males are more likely than females to die of injury – largely because they’re more likely to experience injury (& more likely to experience serious injury).Choosing Safety Doesn’t Mean Avoiding Risk“It’s fine to have fun. It’s fine to push the limits sometimes,” says David Schwebel, a psychologist & director of the Youth Safety Lab at the University of Alabama, as well as the author of Raising Kids Who Choose Safety. Taking risks is a necessary, healthy part of life, so we can help kids stay safe(r) by teaching them to assess and manage risk.“The only way children can grow is by trying new things,” David says. You can facilitate their growth and protect their safety by acting as a coach and spotter. When your young child is taking physical risks, stay close, so you can intervene if necessary.The TAMS Method for Child Accident ProtectionChildren, even very young ones, can learn safety, David says. He recommends the TAMS method:Teach: “We teach our children basic skills,” he says, such as “feet first” when going down stairs or getting off the couch. T also includes more complex skills such as crossing the street or safely riding a bike.Act: “This is the parents’ actions,” David says, and can be divided into 2 Ss: Supervise and Safeguard, which includes things like covering electrical outlets, securing furniture to the walls or floor, and locking up guns, alcohol, and opioid medication.Model: “We model safety for our kids,” David says. It’s pretty unrealistic to expect kids to wear seatbelts or bike helmet if you don’t. Similarly, if you text and drive, your teen is more likely to as well.Shape: “Shaping is literally like molding a piece of clay,” David says. “Our children are growing and we are shaping and influencing them.” Rules are a crucial part of safety: we use them to outline our expectations and boundaries. Consistent safety rules are important.“The goal is parenting is to teach our children, not to avoid risks, but how to do things safely,” David says.In this episode, Jen, Janet, & David discuss:Why boys are especially prone to injuries and accidentsBalancing risk & safetyCreating a safer homeDiscussing your safety rules w childcare providers and other family membersThe effect of peers on boys’ safetyUsing media to discuss risk & safetyLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Raising Kids Who Choose Safety: The TAMS Method for Child Accident Protection — David’s bookUAB Youth Safety LabSponsor Spotlight: StokkeUse promo code RegisterWithStokke at checkout for a FREE highchair padSponsor Spotlight: RightStart MathematicsRightStart Math Card Games kit makes math fun! Use coupon code OB23RSMPC at RightStartMath.com to get 10% offSponsor Spotlight: Better HelpTherapy to help you live a more empowered life. Go to BetterHelp.com/onboys to save 10%Sponsor Spotlight: Green ChefHealthy, Organic, Meal Kit Delivery Service. Use promo code ONBOYS60 to get 60% off & free shipping!3 Green Chef meal kitsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, you can call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for help in the United States. Call 988 or 800-273-TALK (8255). The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is open 24 hours a day, every day. Services are also available en espanol.Suicidal thoughts are common.In the U.S. alone, each year, more than 15 millions adults & teens struggle with serious thoughts of suicide. Knowing how to respond to suicidal thoughts is a crucial skill for all parents & educators. One of the best, most effective things you can do to reduce suicide risk to directly ask those you’re concerned about if they’re having suicidal thoughts. That, of course, is easier said than done. It’s scary to ask about suicide, and scary to admit thoughts of suicide. To make it easier, you can say something like, “A lot of people have suicidal thoughts sometimes. Do you ever have thoughts like that?”“We don’t want to normalize suicide, but we can normalize thinking about suicide,” says Stacey Freedenthal, a licensed psychotherapist and author of Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts: What Family, Friends, and Partners Can Say & Do. Some people say “no” when the answer is really yes. So it’s a good idea to follow up with, “If you were having thoughts of suicide in the future, do you think you’d tell me?” Listen calmly and bravely, and keep the conversation going if you can.“Be curious, not judgmental,” Freedenthal says.Why Calling 911 or Heading to ER May Not Be a Good IdeaIf someone is not in immediate, acute danger — think firearm in hand or pills ingested — don’t call 911 or head to the hospital. Instead, talk. And listen. Empathetic statements like, “that sounds so hard” are far more useful than comments such as, “What are you talking about? You have a great life!”Emergency help can actually be counterproductive. It may lead to long waits and little help. And the affected individual may become angry and less likely to trust you with suicidal thoughts in the future. So, if the situation is not acutely dangerous, call 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, instead. It’s available 24/7 and trained responders can answer your questions, help you establish a safety plan, and connect you with local resources.In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Stacey discuss:How to know if someone has suicidal thoughtsStereotypes and misconceptions about suicideReasons teenagers don’t tell their parents about suicidal thoughtsBrave listeningWhat to do when your son says, “I’m going to kill myself” or “I want to die”SextortionWhen to call 911 — and when not toWhy you should lock up guns & medsSelf-careFostering hopeLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts: What Family, Friends, and Partners Can Say & Do, by Stacey Freedenthal — every home & school needs a copy of this bookstaceyfreedenthal.com — Stacey’s personal pagespeakingofsuicide.com — Stacy’s web page, packed with tons of free resourcesWhat You Need to Know About Boys & Suicide — ON BOYS episodeSuicide Rates are Rising — Here’s What Parents Can Do — Your Teen magazine article by JenSponsor Spotlight: StokkeUse promo code RegisterWithStokke at checkout for a FREE highchair padSponsor Spotlight: RightStart MathematicsRightStart Math Card Games kit makes math fun! Use coupon code OB23RSMPC at RightStartMath.com to get 10% offSponsor Spotlight: Better HelpTherapy to help you live a more empowered life. Go to BetterHelp.com/onboys to save 10%Sponsor Spotlight: Green ChefHealthy, Organic, Meal Kit Delivery Service. Use promo code ONBOYS60 to get 60% off & free shipping!3 Green Chef meal kitsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy