Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast

We’re continuing our Marriage series with the bad relationship advice that says, “A happy wife makes a happy life”.  I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve heard this bad relationship advice. It’s advice that has been used as one of the most common approaches in relationships. But why is this bad relationship advice, and what advice is actually BETTER when it comes to how we approach marriage?  Happy Wife Makes A Happy Life? This short, 5-minute episode will offer you a counter perspective to this common advice, and challenge you to see things differently when it comes to marriage and relationships. In this short episode, we cover: Why this is bad advice. Talk about how this advice encourages passivity. What happens when we follow this advice and why it forms one-sided relationships. How to approach marriage from a healthier perspective. Learning to adapt a mutual model in marriage. The BETTER formula to apply instead of Happy Wife = Happy Life I hope this episode encourages you and challenges you to say no to this bad relationship advice! Tune in to today’s episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast and subscribe to the show by clicking on the button below! SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: SPOTIFY – iHEART RADIO Love + Relationships Podcast Extras: BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Love In Every Season: The Four Stages of Every Healthy Relationship, Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast answering listener questions about love, relationships, and mental and emotional health. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“You need to go on a weekly date night outside of the house every single week to keep your marriage strong….” I remember the first time I ever heard that phrase. My husband and I were married with an infant and a toddler at the time, born only 20 short months apart, trying to survive the madness of parenting young children.  I was staying at home with the kids 6 out of the 7 days a week and also working desperately to complete my very first book, and John was halfway through his extremely busy medical residency. Needless to say, we were short on cash, short on energy, and short on time.  As much as I wanted to have “one date night out a week”, to be completely honest with you, it was nearly impossible. Trying to find a babysitter we trusted, find time in his crazy schedule, and then fork out the minimum $100 dollars to cover dinner and a sitter just seemed way out of our “weekly” budget. Heck, I was trying to simply stay under $100/week for groceries, much less a date night.  So when I heard those words coming from a trusted leader at the time, my heart kinda sank. We’re doomed, I thought to myself.  Over the next few years, I’ve actually heard that phrase many-a-time in sermons, books (not mine!), and even in one-on-one conversations. On one hand, I absolutely agree that couples need focused time carved out in their week for one another. But on the other hand, the traditional thought of a “date night out” can really amount to a lot of pressure. Especially when you’re in the stage of having young children.  If you want my personal opinion, the idea that you HAVE to go out every single week in order to keep your marriage strong is actually a harmful idea. The expectation for fancy date nights out, fine dining and dancing, or whatever it is you put on your list, is not only impossible (and unwise) for some people’s budgets, but doesn’t always work out in the daily grind of life (finding a sitter, collaborating schedules, etc).  And trying to meet unrealistic expectations can leave one or both partners feeling disappointed, bitter, and discouraged in their marriage. DATE NIGHT IN NOT DATE NIGHT OUT Healthy marriages don’t hinge on going out, but on going IN. Connecting with one another on a deep and meaningful way. In today’s episode I’m going to tell you what it means to “go in” in your relationship. Also, after you listen to this episode, make sure to tune in to 10 Date Night In Ideas….hopefully they inspire you to take the time to go in with your relationship! SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: SPOTIFY – iHEART RADIO Love + Relationships Podcast Extras: BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Love In Every Season: The Four Stages of Every Healthy Relationship, Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast answering listener questions about love, relationships, and mental and emotional health. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Marriage should make you happy. That’s the relationship advice we hear all the time. But is it even true? How much weight do we need to put on our happiness? What is the secret ingredient to creating happiness in marriage? Does happiness create a good marriage, or does a good marriage create happiness? And what happens when you’re not happy? Is it even realistic to say we’re going to be happy all the time in marriage?  We need to take the time to evaluate this relationship advice, and make sure we’re questioning it and seeing it for what it’s worth. Marriage Should Make You Happy — or Should It? Today, my friend, pastor, and bestselling author of Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas, helps me tackle this important bad relationship advice, because it’s advice that’s hurting many marriages. We’re going to take a look at both scripture and psychology and get to the root of this bad relationship advice, and offer you a BETTER perspective — a perspective that helps us look at holiness before we look at happiness. Tune in now for today’s discussion! SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: SPOTIFY – iHEART RADIO Love + Relationships Podcast Extras: BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Love In Every Season: The Four Stages of Every Healthy Relationship, Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast answering listener questions about love, relationships, and mental and emotional health. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time is everything. In fact, it’s one of the most valuable things you have to give to the people around you…because it’s the only thing you can never get back. The past two episodes, we’ve been talking about how we protect our marriage. We started with talking about our emotions in episode 264, our interactions in episode 265, and today we’re talking about our time. Time is your most valuable commodity. But with the lures of social media, iPhones in every pocket, a dozen texts and emails to answer, and a stream of Netflix at your fingertips, it’s easy for your time to get away from you. But if you’re not careful, you can find that your time is going to the inanimate – instead of the intimate. TIME MATTERS One of the survey results I write about in Choosing Marriage, has to do with the amount of married people who report spending their time on separate hobbies and interests. There’s a lot of time getting lost on things that don’t really matter, and it’s having serious impact on our marriages. In this episode, we talk through some of the things we do in our marriage and how we prioritize our time for one another, because if you’re not intentional – it just won’t happen. Tune in now for today’s discussion! SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: SPOTIFY – iHEART RADIO Love + Relationships Podcast Extras: BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Love In Every Season: The Four Stages of Every Healthy Relationship, Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast answering listener questions about love, relationships, and mental and emotional health. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Boundaries with the opposite sex may not be something we’re comfortable talking about, but it’s a necessary conversation. It’s easy to say we should have boundaries in a marriage, but then actually talking through the specifics of what those boundaries look like is something most couples don’t actually sit down to do. A few years ago in the media, a political leader who talked about his boundaries with the opposite sex sparked a fury of heated conversations around the country. In fact, an article about this very topic on my blog sparked some additional controversy as well. It’s clear this is a topic people don’t always agree on. So what’s too much when it comes to boundaries, and what is not enough? Boundaries With the Opposite Sex What does it practically look like to protect your marriage by setting boundaries, specifically with your interactions with the opposite sex? Last week on the Love + Relationships Podcast we talked through the boundaries we set with our emotions, and today on the podcast we’re talking through the boundaries we set up with our interactions. The conversation you’re about to hear is about the things WE have chosen to do for our marriage. You may agree with some of it, and you may not…but let’s start by having the conversation, and getting comfortable talking through it. Tune in now for today’s discussion! SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: SPOTIFY – iHEART RADIO Love + Relationships Podcast Extras: For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: 5 Differences That Cause Stress in Marriage BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Love In Every Season: The Four Stages of Every Healthy Relationship, Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast answering listener questions about love, relationships, and mental and emotional health. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you protect your marriage?  What do you and your husband do to keep your marriage strong? What’s your secret sauce to marriage? Are there things you do to keep connected in your marriage?  Today on the podcast, we’re starting a new Marriage Series by discussing a topic that’s close to our hearts: How to PROTECT your marriage. PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE Specifically, we’re talking about the three intruders that are known to get in the way of a healthy marriage. These intruders are quiet, and sly, and sneaky – but if you aren’t careful, you’ll find them starting to creep in and separate your hearts and your lives from one another. Join John and me, and get a front-row look into our relationship and the things we do to be DELIBERATE and INTENTIONAL about protecting our love and drawing closer to one another. Tune in now for today’s discussion! SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: SPOTIFY – iHEART RADIO Love + Relationships Podcast Extras: For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: 5 Differences That Cause Stress in Marriage BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Love In Every Season: The Four Stages of Every Healthy Relationship, Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast answering listener questions about love, relationships, and mental and emotional health. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Q: In today’s episode, we’re addressing a question that was sent in by one of our listeners. The listener is seeking advice on how to maintain a positive perspective despite the difficulties they’re experiencing. To help us answer this question, we are excited to welcome Bewindi Jackson, LCSW, a Debra Fileta Counselors Network counselor, on today’s episode of our “Ask a Counselor” podcast series. Bewindi offers Christ-Centered counseling through cognitive behavioral therapy, solution-focused therapy, and motivational interviewing techniques to help individuals achieve positive change. Tune in now for today’s discussion! SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: SPOTIFY – iHEART RADIO Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  BEWINDI JACKSON, LCSW– Bewindi Jackson is a licensed clinical social worker and is a part of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. Bewindi offers Christ-centered counseling through cognitive behavioral therapy, solution-focused therapy, and motivational interviewing techniques to help individuals achieve positive change. Book a session with Bewindi today! DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast answering listener questions about love, relationships, and mental and emotional health. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Q: Today, we’re tackling a question from a listener who acknowledges that they have negative beliefs about themselves that come from childhood and is asking where to go from that. To help us answer this question, we are excited to welcome Larinda Horton, M.A., LPC, a Debra Fileta Counselors Network counselor, on today’s episode of our “Ask a Counselor” podcast series. Larinda is a licensed professional counselor with over ten years of experience in therapy and 20+ years in ministry.  Tune in now for today’s discussion! SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: SPOTIFY – iHEART RADIO Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  LARINDA HORTON, M.A., LPC– Larinda Horton, is a licensed professional counselor with over ten years of experience in therapy and 20+ years in ministry. She is a woman who loves Jesus and out of this love desires to help bring a sense of hope and freedom to all she works with. A passionate therapist, mentor, and speaker Larinda enjoys combining her passions for mental health and ministry as an invitation into a deeper relationship with Jesus while developing healthier mindsets. She has an extensive history in providing therapy for all age groups and working with multiple diagnoses, providing spiritual guidance and mentorship, and providing teaching on mental health and spiritual topics. Her education includes a B.A. in Bible and Leadership Education, M.A. in Professional Counseling, and two years of courses towards a Ph.D. in Professional Counseling. DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast answering listener questions about love, relationships, and mental and emotional health. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Q: Today, we’re tackling a question from a couple who is struggling with constant conflict and seeking guidance on how to navigate this season in their relationship. To help us answer this question, we are excited to welcome Allison Fisher, M.A., LPC, a Debra Fileta Counselors Network counselor, on today’s episode of our “Ask a Counselor” podcast series. Allison Fisher is a licensed professional counselor with over a decade of experience in the counseling field and nearly two decades of experience in ministry. Tune in now for today’s discussion! SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: SPOTIFY – iHEART RADIO Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  ALLISON FISHER, M.A., LPC – Allison’s areas of specialty are marriage and family relationships, trauma, depression and anxiety, grief and loss, and spiritual hurt. She utilizes practical and evidence-based clinical interventions integrated with a Christ-centered perspective in her counseling approach. Allison holds a M.A. in Professional Counseling from Liberty University. She and her husband have been married for 23 years, and live in Alabama, where they have raised their two sons. Her family has recently gained a daughter, through their oldest son’s marriage. She is currently navigating life with her husband and their adult children. DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast answering listener questions about love, relationships, and mental and emotional health. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Q: Today, we’re tackling a question from a listener who wants to establish healthy boundaries around unhealthy people in their life. We are excited to welcome Danielle Day, MSSW, LCSW, a Debra Fileta Counselors Network counselor, to help us answer this question on today’s episode of our “Ask a Counselor” podcast series. Dani is a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), and has a Master’s of Science in Social Work (MSSW) from Abilene Christian University. She also dually majored in counseling and criminal justice in her undergraduate school, Grace College and Theological Seminary.  Tune in now for today’s discussion! SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: SPOTIFY – iHEART RADIO Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DANIELLE DAY, MSSW, LCSW – Dani is passionate about helping you gain the skills and knowledge you need to get unstuck. Some of the areas that Dani helps individuals address include boundaries, core beliefs, communication, healthy ways to manage emotions, overseas living, forgiveness and more. Dani is a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), and has a Master’s of Science in Social Work (MSSW) from Abilene Christian University. She also dually majored in counseling and criminal justice in her undergraduate school, Grace College and Theological Seminary. She has experience working in a wide variety of settings, but most recently has been worked with women requesting Bible-based Christian counseling.  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast answering listener questions about love, relationships, and mental and emotional health. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices