Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

I really enjoyed exploring unschooling, deschooling, freedom, and liberation with Akilah Richards, host of the Fare the Free Child podcast and author of the book Raising Free People: Unschooling as Liberation and Healing Work.I reached out to Akilah after seeing her TED talk, which led me to her book, and then her podcast, and I knew I wanted to invite her to join me in conversation. A recurring theme in this podcast, and in Tilt, is doing our own inner work as parents, and I love how Akilah talks about relating our own reparenting to freedom, decolonization, and liberation.Akilah shares her personal story of going from traditional schooling to unschooling to deschooling, and how she and her husband came to consider the idea of raising free people, what that means, and how they’ve navigated the realities of making unconventional choices that can sometimes make other people uncomfortable. She also shares how they think about the success and what a fulfilled life looks like for her family, as well as how her work aimed at decolonizing parenting has resonated with people worldwide.About my guest:Akilah S. Richards is passionate about mindful partnerships and decolonizing parenting. She uses audio and written mediums to amplify the ways that unschooling in particular, is serving as healing grounds and liberation work for Black, non-Black Indigenous, and People of Color communities earthwide. Her celebrated unschooling podcast, Fare of the Free Child, and the numerous workshops and gatherings she has been part of, have garnered the attention of Forbes Magazine, The New York Times, Good Morning America, and most importantly, BIPOC families interested or living in more healthy, consent-based, intergenerational relationships. Her recent experiences within the intersection of privilege, parenting,and power are detailed in her latest book, Raising Free People: Unschooling as Liberation and Healing Work.You'll learn: What it means to be raising a “free child” and why it can be a threatening or uncomfortable concept for many people What “mad question asking” is and how parents can use it to get unstuck How unschooling is tied to decolonization What “deschooling” is versus “homeschooling” and “unschooling” What “confident autonomy” is and why Akilah considers that a hallmark of “success” in her children How Akilah and her partner dealt with the barriers (social, cultural, and more) when they chose the unschooling path for their family What a “savor complex” is and how it can transform the family experience Resources mentioned: Akilah Richard’s website Raising Free People: Unschooling as Liberation and Healing Work by Akilah Richards Fare of the Free People Podcast Akilah’s website Schoolishness Akilah’s coaching offerings Savor Complex Akilah Richard TEDx Asbury Park Talk Shawna Murray Browne Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

For the past few years, I’ve been hearing about this concept called “declarative language,” and although I had an idea of what it was, after reading my guest Linda Murphy’s Declarative Language Handbook, I couldn’t wait to bring her on the show because it offers another transformational tool for our parenting differently wired kids’ toolbox. Linda describes declarative language as a positive, thoughtful communication style that emphasizes understanding, patience, respect, and kindness, and as you’ll hear from our conversation, it is an ideal communication style for really all children, but especially neurodivergent children and kids whose nervous systems are triggered by demands or more imperative communication styles.We discussed the different ways we can communicate with our children, the language we use, and the effects that simple shifts in the way we have conversations can have in our daily interactions with them. We also explored what is declarative language versus imperative language, as well as the relationship between co-regulation and declarative language and why we should use them in tandem. Linda K. Murphy MS, CCC-SLP is a speech language pathologist and RDI® Consultant. She co-founded Peer Projects - Therapy From the Heart, a clinic in Beverly, MA dedicated to helping kids and families by using a positive, thoughtful communication style that emphasizes understanding, patience, respect, and kindness. Linda has been working with individuals with social learning differences for over 25 years. She leads trainings on the topic of social learning, has authored Declarative Language Handbook, Co-Regulation Handbook, numerous articles, and co-authored the book Social Thinking and Me with Michelle Garcia Winner. Things you'll learn from this episode What it means to use declarative language (versus imperative language) Why declarative language is so effective for neurodivergent children, and especially those who are wired to be more demand avoidance Why declarative language is more effective when paired with co-regulation Common language and communication styles that place demands on kids that we may not be aware of (including questions) How to introduce declarative language communication and how it can support a child’s learning and development What we can hope to see in a child or an adolescent that has been on the receiving end of this style of communication What to say instead of “Did you hear what I said”?  Resources mentioned Linda Murphy’s website Declarative Language Handbook: Using a Thoughtful Language Style to Help Kids with Social Learning Challenges Feel Competent, Connected, and Understood by Linda K. Murphy Declarative Language website Declarative Language on Facebook Declarative Language on Instagram One Exchange at a Time (from Linda’s blog) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Over the past few years I’ve seen the word trauma become more and more prevalent in conversations surrounding children, especially differently wired children. So I invited trauma and education expert Sandi Lerman onto the show so we could  talk about exactly what’s going on with our kids — have they or are they experiencing trauma at school? What is developmental trauma? What does trauma look like our children? And how can we respond to and support a child who has experienced trauma? In the episode you’re about to listen to, Sandi explains why two kids might internalize an experience differently, how kids’ bodies hold on to trauma, and the relationship between PDA and trauma. Sandi also walks us through the key tenets of her trust-based, connected parenting method in her heart strong system.About Sandi LermanSandi Lerman, MA Ed. is the Founder and Program Director of Heart-Strong International, a global education company that provides training and coaching programs for parents and teachers of children with developmental trauma and professional graduate-level programs for Trauma-Informed Specialists, Certified Parent Coaches, and Certified Educational Trainers.Sandi is an educator with over twenty years of classroom teaching experience in K-12, university, and adult education settings, has worked as a parent coach and educator since 2014, and has coordinated two state-wide government and non-profit parenting and community mental health education programs in Indiana.The creator of the HEART-STRONG Model™, Sandi uses trauma-informed coach training and somatic healing practices in her work with adults and those who parent, teach, and take care of children and teens, along with practical tools and strategies to support their growth and success. Things you'll learn from this episode What developmental trauma is Whether neurodivergent kids are more likely to experience trauma or have their “little t” traumas impact them in more profound ways Why two different kids might internalize the same experience differently How are our kids' bodies hold on to trauma and what that looks like How PDA (pathological demand avoidance) is connected to developmental trauma Specific modalities are most helpful for recovery for kids who have experienced trauma What the path toward healing from childhood trauma looks like Resources mentioned for Neurodiversity and Developmental Trauma Sandy Lerman’s Heart Strong International website Heart Strong International on Facebook Sandi Lerman on LinkTree Dr. Bruce Perry Dr. Ross Greene Dr. Mona Delahooke The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, MD Somatic Experiencing EMDR Therapy Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Sarah Moore, the author of the new book Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior. Sarah explains what peaceful discipline is and walk us through its relationships with the traditional disciplinary tools many parents rely on when navigating tricky behavior, like time outs and consequences. Sarah also explained the power of using story teaching to help kids create positive coherent narratives for difficult situations, no matter how old they are, as a way to create the opportunity for learning and growth as opposed to experiences being internalized in harmful ways.Sarah R. Moore is the author of “Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior,” and founder of Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting. She is a Master Trainer in conscious parenting and has training in child development, trauma recovery, and interpersonal neurobiology. Things you'll learn from this episode: How Sarah defines peaceful discipline What the H.U.G. process is and how we can use it to support our child’s healthy emotional development How to reframe our thinking about traditional discipline tools like timeouts (and shift to employing “time ins”) How to effectively tap into natural consequences as a positive tool in our parenting Why removing a device or toy isn't actually a natural consequence that works long term What Story Teaching is and how we can use it as a tool to support our child in creating coherent positive narrative about difficult situations  Resources mentioned for: Sarah Moore’s website, Dandelion Seeds Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science, and Better Behavior by Sarah R. Moore Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting Blog, Mini-Courses & Expert Interviews Dandelion Seeds on Instagram Dandelion Seeds on Facebook Dandelion Seeds on YouTube Dandelion Seeds on Twitter Sign up at Sarah’s website for one free mini-course (more than 40 topics available) and a selection of expert interviews Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Middle school might not feel like a very enchanting time in our lives — it definitely didn’t feel that way for me when I was living through it. But according to my guest Chris Balme, middle school is a time of great magic and opportunity for our kids, and for us as parents, if we know what we’re looking for. In our conversation, Chris explains the three stages of identity development a child goes through in middle school, how we as parents will want to adapt our parenting styles change as our kids reach these stages, and how to navigate our child breaking our trust. We also talked about what individuation is and what it means to become a better companion for our kids, which is a reframe I really love.Chris Balme is an education leader and writer, passionate about helping young people discover more of their human potential. As Co-Founder and Head of School at Millennium School, a lab school in San Francisco, Chris helped pioneer new learning methods for middle schoolers, based in developmental science. Chris then founded Argonaut, an online program to bring social-emotional learning to more students. He now serves as the Founding Principal of Hakuba International School in Japan, developing learning approaches that foster human and environmental well-being. Things you'll learn from this episode Why Chris believes the middle school years are magical What the three stages of identity development for middle school students are how kids may progress through them What individuation is and how to navigate it with your children Advice for parents regarding scaffolding in a way that supports their child’s development How to navigate a child breaking our trust What companioning is and how to do that for our kids  Resources mentioned Chris Balme’s website Finding the Magic in Middle School: Tapping Into the Power and Potential of the Middle School Years by Chris Balme Chris’s Growing Wiser newsletter (Substack) Not Much, Just Chillin’: The Hidden Lives of Middle Schoolers by Linda Perlstein Maria Montessori  Anders Ronnau on How He’s Transforming ADHD (Tilt Parenting podcast) Ned Johnson and Bill Stixrud on How to Motivate Kids and Build Their Stress Tolerance (Tilt Parenting podcast)  The Self-Driven Child with Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson (Tilt Parenting podcast)  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this special kid’s POV edition, I share a short conversation with my 11-year-old child Asher about the new morning routine we began doing in January 2016.The routine is based on author and speaker Hal Elrod’s book The Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your Life (Before 8AM). Because I’m always looking for ways to support Asher in developing more self-awareness, we agreed to start off the New Year trying out a new routine. In this episode, Asher walks listeners through what the new 6-step morning routine—consisting of meditation, affirmations, visualization, exercise, reading, and journaling—looks like, and explains its impact, as well as why Asher thinks other kids would benefit. Debbie Reber is the founder of Tilt and the host of the Tilt Parenting Podcast. 11-year-old Asher is Debbie’s child and is regularly featured on the podcast.  Things you'll learn from the episode:  How implementing a purposeful morning routine such as the one highlighted in Hal Elrod’s book The Miracle Morning has the potential to positively impact a child’s day The benefits for children on beginning each day by focusing on presence, positivity, and intention Asher’s thoughts on whether other kids could benefit from a new morning routine like the one he’s doing How meaningful a change can be when a child is self-motivated by their own personal discoveries about the benefits of a new habit Resources mentioned: The Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your Life (Before 8AM) by Hal Elrod Pat Flynn’s podcast, Smart Passive Income Kerbal Space Program, Asher’s favorite online game (at the moment) Asher and Debbie’s visualization soundtrack: Enya’s Caribbean Blue, Charles Atlas’ The Snow Before Us, and Badly Drawn Boy’s I Love NYE Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I know that there are concerns among many families that their child’s self-esteem can be negatively impacted by a label, or that others, including teachers may treat a child differently if they know they have one or more diagnoses, especially because of the stigma associated with neurodifferences. So this is what Dr. Karen Wilson and I get into — demystifying the process and offering suggestions for approaching these important conversations. In our conversation, Karen breaks down the kind of language we can use when talking with kids about their diagnosis, as well as how that conversation will likely continue to evolve as our kids get older. We also talked about how to navigate this process with a child or teen who is resistant to labels, why it’s critical that we have all of these conversations from a foundation of prioritizing and recognizing strengths.  and how to have this conversation in a household with neurotypical siblings.Dr. Karen Wilson is a Clinical Neuropsychologist, Director of West LA Neuropsychology, PC, the founder of ChildNEXUS.com, and the host of the Diverse Thinking · Different Learning podcast. She specializes in the assessment of neurodevelopmental disorders in children and adolescents, and she has extensive experience evaluating children and adults who present with neurological, medical and psychiatric disorders.Things you'll learn from this episode What a diagnosis actually is and what it can mean to a family How to balance communication surrounding your child’s areas of strengths and weaknesses so the emphasis is not on challenges What types of language to use when talking with your kids about their diagnoses, and how to evolve language as kids get older How to navigate talking with children and teens about their neurodifferences if they’re resistant to labels or being “otherized” Best practices for talking about diagnoses in households with neurotypical siblings How to give kids the tools and empowerment they need to ultimately feel confident navigating situations in their lives where they are judged by their diagnosis and related stigma Resources mentioned  Dr. Karen Wilson’s website Dr. Karen Wilson on Twitter Dr. Karen Wilson on LinkedIn ChildNEXUS Diverse Thinking, Different Learning (Karen’s podcast)  Dr. Karen Wilson on How to Know if Your Child is Ready for the Transition to Elementary School (Tilt Parenting podcast) Carol Dweck and Mindset Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, we are diving in to the realities of parenting gifted and 2e kids. Gail and I talked about the common challenges parents raising gifted and 2e kids experience as part of their journey, why it can sometimes feel uncomfortable to celebrate our child’s accomplishments with others and how that impacts our kids and us, and how to handle our own expectations and pressures we may experience because of our child’s unique learning profile. We also explore what many families of gifted kids experience as a complicated relation with the word “potential,” as well as how we as parents can manage our own uncomfortable emotions that may arise in parenting our kids, including anxiety, envy, and guilt.Gail Post, Ph.D. is a Clinical Psychologist, parenting coach and consultant, workshop leader, and writer. She is also a Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine In practice for over 35 years, she provides psychotherapy with a focus on the needs of the intellectually and musically gifted and twice-exceptional, parenting coaching and workshops, and consultation with educators and psychotherapists. Dr. Post is the parent of two gifted young adults and served as co-chair of a gifted parents advocacy group when her children were in school. Her writing includes articles, several book chapters, and a long-standing blog, Gifted Challenges. Her new book, The Gifted Parenting Journey: A Guide to Self-discovery and Support for Families of Gifted Children, combines research, theory, and clinical experience, and extends her advocacy efforts to address the needs of parents of gifted children.Things you'll learn from this episode The common challenges parents raising gifted and 2e kids may experience as part of their journey Why parents of gifted kids feel intense pressure surrounding their child’s educational path and how that can negatively impact families Why the word “potential” is a loaded one in families with gifted and 2e kids, and how parents can change their relationship with this concept Why anxiety is common amongst parents raising gifted or 2e kids The unique challenges BIPOC parents raising gifted kids face Why self-awareness is the road map to attuned parenting when raising gifted and 2e kids Resources mentioned Gail Post’s website Gifted Challenges The Gifted Parenting Journey: A Guide to Self-Discovery and Support for Families of Gifted Children by Gail Post Gail Post / Gifted Challenges on Twitter Gail Post / Gifted Challenges on Instagram Parenting From the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive by Dr. Dan Siegel Marc Smolowitz Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

For this episode, I sit down with Kate Berger, a child and adolescent psychologist, Mindfulness instructor, and owner of the Netherlands-based therapy practice, Expat Kids’ Club, for a conversation about the benefits of mindfulness in kids and ideas for how to begin weaving mindfulness into our families’ lives.Kate is heavily engaged in the movement to bring mindfulness into schools and other children’s communities, and is a big believer in the benefits of mindfulness in kids, especially with regards to emotional and mental well-being, both in school and in their inner lives.Kate Berger, MSc is a child and adolescent psychologist, consultant, and the founder of The Expat Kids Club which has provided counsel to hundreds of youngsters and, their families, as well as major corporations, from the U.K., Germany, Singapore, and the U.S. Kate is also the Co-Chair & Co-Founder of the Families In Global Transition affiliate in The Netherlands, and is a dedicated mindfulness meditation practitioner and certified instructor who teaches mindfulness to young people through the collaborative Mindfulness International.Things you’ll learn from this episode What mindfulness actually is Why developing a mindfulness practice is a natural fit for children How mindfulness can specifically benefit differently-wired kids How mindfulness can support a parent in especially intense or difficult moments Tips and ideas for introducing, encouraging, and supporting a mindfulness practice in your family Resources mentioned for Mindfulness for Kids Kate Berger’s practice The Expat Kids’ Club Mindfulness in Schools Project Mindful Schools MindUP Foundation Sitting Still Like a Frog (book) Headspace mindfulness app (iTunes) “When Mindfulness Meets the Classroom” (The Atlantic Article) Free mindfulness course through Future Learn Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you are a parent of a neurodivergent kid with a diagnosed learning disability, you likely have had experience with Individualized Education Plans, otherwise known as IEPs. And if this is you, my hunch is you have some feelings about IEPs and the whole process — the stresses, the unknowns, the fact that it might feel like you have to understand a completely different language just to get the services and supports your child needs and deserves in schools.I invited occupational therapist Beth Liesenfeld of The IEP Lab to answer your questions around how parents can better prepare for an IEP meeting, what actually makes a good IEP, and how we can go about making changes on an IEP if we realize the accommodations aren’t being effective or if a school isn’t following through in a way the IEP outlines.Beth is an incredibly knowledgeable expert on the subject of IEPs, and as you’ll hear, she’s truly passionate about providing “insider” information of the school’s process and culture to parents in order to increase collaboration between parents and school staff. Through her school experience, Beth saw inequity in parents' ability to advocate for a quality IEP for their child and now teaches parents a 4-step process to effectively advocate for their children within the schools through online workshops and interactive, supportive online courses.Beth Liesenfeld, MOT, OTR/L is an occupational therapist passionate about providing “insider” information of the school’s process and culture to parents in order to increase collaboration between parents and school staff! Her company, The IEP Lab, provides online workshops and courses as well as produces The Parent IEP Lab Podcast.Things you'll learn from this episode What parents actually need to know before they go into an IEP meeting The criteria for designing an effective and supportive IEP The intention behind the goals written into any IEP, and how to create goals that lead to hoped for outcomes What parents can do if their children’s school doesn’t follow through on the accommodations provided in their child’s IEP How to include accommodations for students who are struggling with school refusal and therefore may not be meeting attendance requirements What the IDEA says about seeking an IEP for twice-exceptional children who may be performing “adequately” but aren’t reaching their potential Resources mentioned for the IEP Process The IEP Lab website IEP Process Step-By-Step Guide (free download) The Ultimate Parent IEP Pre Course (Beth’s signature program) COPAA (Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates) Wrightslaw Special Education and Advocacy Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) How to Feel Heard and Communicate Who Your Child is with Ease: How to Write a Vision Statement! (The IEP Podcast - Episode 41) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices