Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

In this episode, we’re talking about negative thinking and how to help kids who are more “glass half empty” thinkers shift their mindset. My guest is the woman who literally wrote the book on the subject, psychologist Dr. Tamar Chansky, author of Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking.Tamar and I talked about what negative thinking is, whether it is possible to change, how to respond when our child is venting their unhappiness or negative thoughts to us, and Tamar’s four steps to combating negative thinking. There’s a good chance that we as the parents and caregivers and adults in the room have our own work to do when it comes to hyperfocusing or dwelling on negative thoughts, so we explore that as well. Honestly, I’ve listened to this episode 3 times already – once recording it, and two more times before releasing it because it’s packed with so many nuggets that I personally need to hear right now. I hope it lands for you the same way. Dr. Tamar Chansky, is a psychologist and a writer on a mission to teach kids, adults, and couples how to make the mind a safer place to live by changing their relationship to anxiety one thought at a time. In 1999. Tamar founded Children’s and Adult Center for OCD and Anxiety in Plymouth Meeting, PA. In addition to the book we’re talking about today, Tamar is the author of Freeing Your Child from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Freeing Your Child from Anxiety, and Freeing Yourself from Anxiety.Things you'll learn from this episode Whether or not neurodivergent kids are more prone to negative thinking than neurotypical kids What the definition of negative thinking is Whether it’s possible for a child whose default mode is “glass half-empty” thinking to become more optimistic What the negative patterns are that we are trying to disrupt when working on negative thinking with our kids Whether venting is something that encourages negative thinking or not The four steps to combat negative thinking How to navigate the balance of protecting children from adversity and exposing them to the nature of the world around us  Resources mentioned: Dr. Tamar Chansky’s website Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking: Powerful, Practical Strategies to Build a Lifetime of Resilience, Flexibility, and Happiness by Dr. Tamar Chansky Freeing Yourself from Anxiety: Practical Strategies to Overcome Fears, Worries, and Phobias and Be Prepared for Life--from Toddlers to Teens by Dr. Tamar Chansky Freeing Your Child from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: A Powerful, Practical Program for Parents of Children and Adolescents by Dr. Tamar Chansky Children’s and Adult Center for OCD and Anxiety in Plymouth Meeting, PA Worrywisekids.org Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week I bring back to the show Neil Brown, a licensed clinical social worker, the author of Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle: Resolve the Power Struggle and Build Trust, Responsibility, and Respect, and host of the Healthy Family Connections Podcast.When I last had Neil on the show, we talked about control battles with teens, and if you haven’t listened to that episode, I highly encourage you to go back and check it out here. In today’s episode, we’re tackling an equally important topic, and one I think will resonate deeply with our audience here: Parental Burnout.In our conversation, Neil will explain what exactly parental burnout is and how it negatively impacts parents and families, tell us how to identify it, and share his strategies for recovering from it. If you regularly feel frustrated and exhausted and are experiencing high levels of stress in relation to your parenting life, this is an episode you will definitely want to listen to. Neil D. Brown, LCSW, is a psychotherapist who has worked with families, couples, and individuals for more than thirty years. Deeply steeped in the theory and practice of family therapy, Brown uses a systemic approach that allows him to understand the system, or context, in which problems are both formed and are healed. This approach has revealed a simple yet profound method of empowering parents and their adolescent youth to put an end to destructive control battles for good. Brown is also a trainer of parents and mental health professionals. Additionally, Brown works in industry with teams and work groups to increase organizational effectiveness. Things you’ll learn from this episode What parental burnout is and why parents of differently-wired kids are especially susceptible to it The importance of making sure our emotional needs are met when it comes to preventing burnout Why moms experience parental burnout more frequently than dads What recovery from parental burnout looks like, and how long it takes How to help teens with a fixed mindset develop a growth mindset Resources mentioned for burned out parents Neil Brown’s website Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle: Resolve the Power Struggle and Build Trust, Responsibility, and Respect by Neil Brown Healthy Family Connections Podcast (Neil’s podcast) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I found about Lori’s work recently and after reading her book Connections over Compliance: Rewiring our Perceptions of Discipline, I really wanted to bring her on as a guest because I believe the work she is doing is revolutionary. Lori’s work centers around helping educators, parents, and any adults who work with children shift the way they think about discipline by reaching for sustainable behavioral changes through brain state awareness rather than compliance and obedience. She’s actively pushing back against reactive and punitive practices that can potentially reactivate the developing stress response systems of children, and is advocating for stronger co-regulation practices and regulated brain and body states for adults. During this conversation, we consider why there is such a powerful foundational belief that discipline and punishment go together, what happens when the traditional methods of punishment are imposed on children who are coming to school with trauma or a heightened nervous system, and why it’s so important for educators to take responsibility over their own nervous system regulation. About Dr. Lori DesautelsDr. Lori Desautels, has been an Assistant Professor at Butler University since 2016 where she teaches both undergraduate and graduate programs in the College of Education.Lori’s passion is engaging her students through the social and relational neurosciences as it applies to education by integrating the Applied Educational Neuroscience framework, and its learning principles and practices into her coursework at Butler. Lori is the author of 4 books. Her most recent book, Connections over Compliance: Rewiring our Perceptions of Discipline was released in late 2020. Her new book will be published in January, 2023 entitled, “Intentional Neuroplasticity, Our Educational Journey Towards Post Traumatic Growth.” Things you'll learn from this episode Why there is such a powerful foundational belief that discipline and punishment go together What happens when the traditional methods of punishment are imposed on children who are coming to school with traumas or a heightened nervous system Why we should be moving away from the behavior management model Why it’s so important for educators to take responsibility over their own nervous system regulation Strategies for helping teachers (and parents) better show up for dysregulated kids  Resources mentioned Revelations in Education, Dr. Lori Desautel’s website Connections Over Compliance: Rewiring Our Perceptions of Discipline by Dr. Lori Desautels Eyes Are Never Quiet: Listening Beneath the Behaviors of Our Most Troubled Students by Dr. Lori Desautels Resources from Revelations in Education Dr. Bruce Perry Dr. Mona Delahooke on the Power of Brain-Body Parenting (Tilt Parenting podcast episode) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest this week is Blake Boles, the self-directed learning advocate behind Unschool Adventures and the author of several books on unschooling, including The Art of Self-Directed Learning, Better Than College, and College Without High School, as well as the host of the Off-Trail Learning podcast. Now… you may be reading this and thinking, I’m not homeschooling my child or “unschooling” isn’t my thing. But I’m going to encourage you to listen to what Blake has to say. Because regardless of your child’s educational circumstances, there is wisdom to be gleaned from Blake’s philosophy on self-directed learning and helping our kids grow up into intrinsically motivated humans who understand themselves and are driven to seek out the information and resources they need to achieve their goals. I also love that Blake’s approach beautifully challenges those traditional timelines that our differently wired kids often don’t meet anyway. So… have a listen and let me know what you think. I’m curious to hear how this lands with you. Blake Boles is the founder and director of Unschool Adventures and the author of The Art of Self-Directed Learning, Better Than College, and College Without High School.  He hosts the Off-Trail Learning podcast, speaks for alternative schools, writes for The Alliance for Self-Directed Education, and has keynoted multiple homeschooling conferences.  Things you’ll learn from this episode  What unschooling actually is (in comparison with traditional or eclectic homeschooling) The most common myths and assumptions surrounding unschooled kids How intrinsic motivation is the key to helping a student learn what they want to learn when they’re ready to learn it The ways in which unschooling and self-directed learning respects a child’s unique timeline What the transition from a traditional educational model to unschooling might look like might look like What a transition to university looks like in the U.S. for children who’ve been homeschooled, and how to do it How parents who are homeschooling their child can play the role as “consultant” rather than teacher, and giving child the room to become truly self-directed Tips for parents looking to dip their toe into unschooling Resources mentioned for what is unschooling?  Blake Boles’ website Unschool Adventures Off-Trail Learning  The Art of Self-Directed Learning: 23 Tips for Giving Yourself an Unconventional Education  Better Than College: How to Build a Successful Life Without a Four-Year Degree  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Since my guest for today’s episode, Dr. Abigail Gewirtz was on the show just over two years ago near the start of the COVID pandemic, the world has continued to go through increasingly complicated and challenging times. Like I’m sure all of you out there listening, I’ve struggled to find ways to help my child feel hope and optimism about the state of the world — the war in Ukraine, a spate of school shootings, a very polarized political landscape, and catastrophic weather events. So I wanted to ask Abigail, the author of the wonderful book When the World Feels Like a Scary Place: Essential Conversations for Anxious Parents and Worried Kids, if hope and optimism is possible to find even when things around us feel so unpredictable and chaotic, and if so, how can we cultivate this for our kids in an authentic way?In our conversation, Abigail shares her ideas for doing that, as well as ways we adults can manage our own fear and worries to be able to show up for our kids, and the importance of guiding kids toward something that makes them feel purpose and meaning. Dr. Abigail Gewirtz is a child psychologist and professor at the University of Minnesota’s College of Education and Human Development (ranked the world’s third-leading institution of its kind). Dr. Gewirtz has consulted for and presented to national and international organizations, including the US Congress and UNICEF, on parenting. Dr. Gewirtz’s most recent book is When the World Feels Like a Scary Place: Essential Conversations for Anxious Parents and Worried Kids.Things you'll learn from this episode What Abigail is seeing in her work over the past two years regarding of the state of the world and the impact on kids and families How adults can manage their own pain, fear, and worries so they can show up for their kids Whether it’s possible for our kids to feel optimism in the midst of growing up in a heavy and difficult times How to guide a child toward identifying something that could help them feel a sense of purpose and meaning What happens in our kids' developing brains when they consume content that reinforces pessimism and division What leading kids with negative mindsets toward hope might look like Resources mentioned: Dr. Abigail Gewirtz’s website When the World Feels Like a Scary Place: Essential Conversations for Anxious Parents and Worried Kids by Dr. Abigail Gewirtz How to Talk to Kids When the World Feels Like a Scary Place (Tilt Parenting podcast episode) Dr. Devorah Heitner on Online Safety and Internet “Rabbit Holes” and Differently Wired Kids (Tilt Parenting podcast episode) Dr. Tamar Chansky on How to Free Our Children from Negative Thinking (Tilt Parenting podcast episode) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, I talk with Dr. Melissa Neff, a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Missoula, MT in the United States who specializes in conducting psychological evaluations with children (ages 6-18) and adults. A lot of Melissa’s practice focuses on helping parents figure out what’s going on with their children and diagnosing things like ADHD and autism, although she shared with me that one of her favorite aspects of her practice lately is working with girls who are on the spectrum.There are so many things I could have talked about with Melissa, but for today’s episode, we focused our conversation on the diagnostic process—what it involves and when and how parents can take the steps they need to pursue a diagnosis—as well as the pros and cons of getting a diagnoses, and more specifically, of having one or more labels attached to a child, both in their educational journey, as well as their lives as they grow into adults.  Melissa Neff, Ph.D received her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology in 2008 from the University of Montana following the completion of an APA-approved pre-doctoral internship at Spokane Mental in Spokane, WA. She has extensive training in working with children and adults of all ages. Her areas of specialty are the diagnostic evaluation of psychological disorders and the assessment and treatment of trauma. Dr. Neff also has extensive experience in testing for ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, mood disorders, personality disorders, and anxiety disorders. She utilizes a strengths-based approach in her work in an attempt to foster resilience, preferring a team-centered approach to assessment and intervention. Things you’ll learn from this episode The typical / “best” ages for kids to be assessed What some of the early signs are that a child might be on the autism spectrum How subjective is the process of assessing / diagnosing a child? What makes a “good diagnosis?” Why the current diagnostic process isn’t catching everyone, especially girls (for both autism and ADHD) The value of a diagnosis or label—pros and cons Tips for navigating the process of getting a diagnosis Resources mentioned for the assessment process for kids Dr. Melissa Neff’s website A Conversation with Julie George About Girls on the Autism Spectrum ADHD is Different for Women Decades of Failing to Recognize ADHD in Girls Has Created a Lost Generation of Women  Neurotribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is an important conversation about online communities and internet rabbit holes. And I felt pulled to tackle this topic for the show because I know that the past few years in particularly has been a time where differently wired kids have been a) spending a LOT more time online and connecting with people they may not have even meant in real life, and b) doing their identity development largely online as a result of COVID. And I also know that this can put our kids, and us as their parents and caregivers, in challenging positions as we navigate a seemingly endless stream of discourse that may lead our kids down the wrong paths.So I asked my friend and screen and tech expert Dr. Devorah Heitner to join me for a frank and open conversation about it all. We talked about the ways differently wired kids might be exposed to harmful content, and why our kids may be more susceptible to toxic or unhealthy virtual rabbit holes in the first place, the popular places where teens and kids are hanging out the most right now, the way our kids’ worldview and their brain development is impacted they content their engaging with, and what we parents might not know that we should know about regarding this topic.Dr. Devorah Heitner is the author of Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World and her book on navigating Privacy and Reputation with kids and teens, Growing Up in Public will be out in 2023 with Penguin Random House.Dr. Heitner’s work has appeared in the New York Times, the Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, and CNN Opinion. She has a Ph.D. in Media/Technology & Society from Northwestern University and has taught at DePaul and Northwestern. Things you'll learn from this episode Why differently wired kids are more vulnerable to Internet rabbit holes The places online where today’s teens and kids are hanging out the most right now Whether it’s possible to set up controls to manage the type of contents kids are accessing on sites like Reddit The way our kids’ worldview and their brain development is impacted by engaging with potentially toxic content What parents don’t know about what's going on with their kids and the way that they're accessing content Resources mentioned for Unmasking Autism Devorah Heitner’s website Phonewise Boot Camp  Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World by Dr. Devorah Heitner Devorah’s TEDx Talk, The Challenges of Raising a Digital Native Devorah on Twitter Devorah on Instagram  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are you worried about your child’s video gaming habits? If so, here’s interesting conversation with Eric Lanigan about two topics that I know are relevant, and perhaps concerning, to many listeners out there — video gaming and motivation. I reached out to Eric after learning about an online course he runs for parents called Making Peace with Gaming, because I was curious to know just exactly how we do that, and what that actually means in the context of everyday life with kids who are really into gaming. What I love about this conversation is it went so much deeper than video gaming and into the heart of the emotional lives of our children. I found our conversation to be highly thought-provoking—I hope you get a lot out of it.Eric Lanigan is a Motivation Coach who has helped hundreds of people to get clear on what they want -and then do it. He guides his clients in directing their attention inwards instead of blaming themselves or external events. A former video game addict himself, Eric offers an intimate view of the world of compulsive gaming. Eric has delivered dozens of workshops on emotional intelligence, motivation, and procrastination. His online course, The Big Shift, has served over 750 people from more than 15 countries.Things you’ll learn from this episode Why many children get so deeply involved in their video game worlds The emotional payoff many children get from engaging in games Eric’s ideas around how parents can respect and understand their child’s video gaming The connection between motivation and gaming, and what parents miss when considering these Why Eric says the problem isn’t the games themselves but the way we relate to the games The biggest fears and concerns parents have surrounding their child’s gaming Eric’s thoughts on parents legislating their children’s gaming and how rewards and punishments associated with gaming may be counterproductive / result in the opposite desired outcome  Resources mentioned for parents worried about their child’s video gaming Eric Lanigan’s website Making Peace with Gaming online course* The Big Shift online course Blake Boles A Conversation with Blake Boles on Unschooling and Self-Directed Learning (podcast episode) Asher Talks About the Pros and Cons of Banning Video Games (podcast episode) Eric on Facebook Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode explores the subject of vulnerability, male culture, and parenting specifically in the context of heteronormative relationships and how men can show up as better dads to their differently wired children. And I have the perfect guest to explore this topic with — Todd Adams, half of the duo of Zen Parenting Radio, and a leadership coach for men and the executive director of the international men’s organization, Men Living. Todd and I looked at the societal norms and pressures on men that get in the way of their being vulnerable in their relationships, feel more connected at home, and hold emotional space for their families, especially in families with neurodivergent kids and where the demands on relationships (emotionally, mentally, and physically) may be more intense. We also talked about what women can do to support and encourage their male partners to do inner work and show up as dads in a way that will better support their relationships and their family as a whole. Things you'll learn from this episode What the a “man box” is (and how it differs from “toxic masculinity”) The barriers in a heteronormative relationship that stand in the way of men feeling connected, including the additional challenges when raising a differently wired child How families can benefit from men showing up and being more vulnerable in their relationships What women can do to encourage their male partners to do the work and how they can support them through it How dads can find other like-minded dads and connect with them Resources mentioned for dads, the "man box" and how men can better show up for their kids and families Men Living Zen Parenting Radio (Todd and Cathy Adams’ podcast) Todd Adam’s Coaching Site Getting Aligned Through Parenting and Marriage Challenges, with Todd and Cathy Adams (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Cathy Adams on Zen Parenting in an Unpredictable World The ManKind Project The Mask You Live In Jennifer Siebel Newsom A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckert Tolle  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you have a differently wired child who is athletic and/or is into sports, this episode is for you. My guest is Susan Stout, the founder Own Beat Athlete, a new resource aimed at helping athletic coaches understand their athletes who march to a different beat. Susan knows from personal experience as an athlete herself, a former coach, and the parent of an athletic differently wired child, that many great athletes can be challenging to coach because of their wiring—they can be easily frustrated, disruptive, forgetful, inconsistent. But she also knows that they can be a teams’ greatest asset. Susan’s goal is to equip others with what she wishes she knew when she was a coach, and support and bring out the best in the many athletes who didn’t fit the mold, with a specific focus on athletes with ADHD, learning differences, and anxiety.This is a really interesting conversation and Susan’s resources are a great starting point for listeners who want to bridge that gap of knowledge between their child’s behavior and their sports coach. I hope you enjoy it.Susan Stout is an advocate for athletes who are wired differently and struggle to participate or reach their potential in sports. She specializes in ADHD, learning differences and anxiety. Susan is the founder of Own Beat Athlete, a project to provide athletic coaches with the understanding and tools they need to help their differently wired athletes thrive. She brings to the work her perspective as a swimmer, coach, teacher, lawyer and mom to an avid and talented young athlete with ADHD and dyslexia. Things you’ll learn from this episode How and when parents should let athletic coaches know about a child’s wiring What kind of unique gifts differently wired athletes bring to their sports What the common challenges are for differently wired kids participating in sports How parents can talk with their kids about learning how to self-advocate for themselves with their coaches Susan’s thoughts on how willing coaches are to better understand and support their differently wired athletes How Own Beat Athlete supports coaches (and parents of athletes) to know how to practically support and problem solve with challenges related to neurodifferences What parents should look for to know whether or not they should step in  Resources mentioned for coaching differently wired athletes Own Beat Athlete Own Beat Athlete / Susan Stout on Twitter Susan Stout on Facebook Own Beat Athlete’s Coaches’ Toolkit Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices