Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

I’ve been a longtime fan of Kim and Penn Holderness, who I’ve had a parasocial relationship with for years as I love to consume and share their funny music videos, vlogs, and skits. And in more recent years, it’s exciting to see them talking openly and with humor and authenticity about Penn’s ADHD and how together, Kim and Penn navigate their marriage and raising kids in their mixed neurotype household.All that say, I loved having a chance to sit down with Kim and Penn to talk about their brand new book, out next week, called ADHD is Awesome: A Guide to (Mostly) Thriving with ADHD, which they wrote because they are on a mission to reboot how we think about ADHD by taking us inside their ADHD world, and all highs, lows, and moments in between. I think what I loved about their book, and this conversation, the most is that Kim and Penn are real and open about how beautiful, and yes, messy, it can be to navigate family life as a person with ADHD or as someone married to an ADHDer. And so in today’s conversation, that’s what we hear about — how Penn has learned to hack himself to manage his ADHD-related challenges, the ways in which ADHD has enriched their family life, how Kim has reframed her thinking and approach to support Penn’s executive function challenges and be an “ADHD whisperer” while also taking care of her own emotional and mental well-being.After listening to this episode, I highly recommend you go to their Instagram or YouTube and check out their content. Their first book together, Everybody Fights, about how couples can fight better and end your arguments feeling closer, more loved, and better understood, came out in 2021. The book we’re talking about today, ADHD is Awesome, comes out April 30. About Kim and Penn HoldernessKim and Penn Holderness have been married for sixteen years. For seven of those years, they have chronicled their marriage and their family with funny music videos, vlogs, skits, and a podcast. Their videos have resulted in over a billion views and 4.5 million followers across social media.Penn and Kim honed their storytelling skills with twenty-five combined years in the TV news business. Today, they own their own company, Holderness Family Productions, where Kim is Chief Executive Officer and Penn is Chief Creative Officer.As well as creating content for their channels, they also work alongside brands and agencies to shape product launches and marketing campaigns. Their book about improving communication in marriage was released March 30, 2021.Penn and Kim live in Raleigh, North Carolina, with their children, Lola and Penn Charles, and fluffy dog, Sunny. Things you'll learn from this episode How Penn navigated being diagnosed with ADHD in college and how that impacted his understanding of self and identity The power of “operation mindset shift” and reframing ADHD traits as strengths How Kim came to understand how Penn’s brain wiring impacted his executive functioning How Penn has “hacked” himself to manage his ADHD symptoms and challenges The power of empathy, comfort, and connection when navigating a mixed neurotypes relationship What some of the “upsides” are for friends and family members of people with ADHD  Resources mentioned for How ADHD is Awesome in Love & in Life The Holderness Family ADHD is Awesome: A Guide to (Mostly) Thriving with ADHD by Kim and Penn Holderness The Holderness Family Podcast ADHD is Awesome Book Trailer (YouTube) Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better At It? by Kim and Penn Holderness Dr. Ned Hallowell Dr. Ned Hallowell on How Parents Can Best Support Their Children with ADHD (Tilt Parenting podcast) Dr. Emily King Learn with Dr. Emily (podcast) ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction - from Childhood Through Adulthood by Dr. Ned Hallowell Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood through Adulthood by Dr. Ned Hallowell and Dr. John Ratey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tilt Founder Debbie Reber talks about the importance of having a self-care practice, and shares her best strategies for making self-care a regular part of daily life.Connect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Executive function coach Seth Perler joins Debbie to answer a listener question about how to help a neurodivergent student prepare for the increased demands and expectations of middle school. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I’ve done one episode just about self-care for this show — it’s a solocast from five years ago where I shared twelve strategies and ideas for creating a sustainable, doable self-care practice. I’ll have a link to that in the show notes page for this episode.Today’s episode is about self-care, too, but the focus is on self-care for autistic people, and joining me is return guest Dr. Megan Anna Neff of Neurodivergent Insights. Megan Anna has just published a brand new book called Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask! which she wrote to help autistic people accept themselves, destigmatize autism, find community, and take care of physical and mental health.I really enjoyed going inside this book because, as we discuss, self-care is so much more than what it appears to be on the surface. Megan Anna considers self-care to be a collective effort that includes the well-being of the community, a framework that really resonated with me. So we talk about that, along with other ideas from Megan Anna’s book, including how internalized ableism can hinder self-care, considerations for navigating self-care for individuals with PDA, and insights into co-regulation, sensory considerations, and how advocacy and accommodations in the workplace can also be forms of self-care. About Dr. Megan Anna NeffDr. Megan Anna Neff (she/they) is a neurodivergent Clinical Psychologist and founder of Neurodivergent Insights where she creates education and wellness resources for neurodivergent adults. Additionally, she is co-host of the Divergent Conversations podcast.As a late-diagnosed AuDHDer (Autistic ADHD), Dr. Neff applies their lived experiences from a cross-neurotype marriage and parenting neurodivergent children to their professional focus. They are committed to broadening the mental health field's understanding of autism and ADHD beyond traditional stereotypes. This personal-professional blend enriches their work and advocacy within neurodiversity.Dr. Neff is the author of Self-Care for Autistic People and a forthcoming book on Autistic Burnout. Additionally, she has published in several peer-reviewed journals on topics ranging from neurodivergence, place attachment, relational psychoanalysis, social psychology, and integration of spirituality into psychotherapy.Passionate about distilling complex research into visually accessible formats, she translates research into visual pixels which you can find on her website, Instagram, and digital workbooks. Additionally, Dr. Neff is passionate about community building and creating digital communities by and for neurodivergent individuals. Things you'll learn from this episode Why self-care should be approached with self-attunement and an understanding of one's own needs Why self-care is a collective effort that includes the well-being of the community How internalized ableism can hinder self-care and why it’s important to address it Ideas for navigating self-care for individuals with PDA regarding autonomy, co-regulation, and sensory considerations Ways to practice self-care in the workplace, including self-disclosure, documentation, and setting realistic expectations  Resources mentioned for Self-Care for Autistic People Dr. Megan Anna Neff’s website Self-Care For Autistic People by Dr. Megan Anna Neff * A special bonus offer for Tilt Parenting community * Divergent Conversations Podcast Neurodivergent Insights on Instagram Neurodivergent Insights on Facebook Dr. Megan Anna Neff on LinkedIn Dr. Megan Anna Neff’s Link in Bio Dr. Megan Anna Neff on Diagnoses and Misdiagnoses (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Sarah Wayland Is This Autism? A Guide for Clinicians and Everyone Else by Dr. Donna Henderson and Dr. Sarah Wayland Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Marriage and family therapist and author Jeremy Schneider ("Fatherhood in 40-Minute Snapshots") talks about what prevents some dads from being the father they want to be and explains how couples can strengthen their relationship.Connect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Parent coach Zach Morris joins Debbie to answer a listener question about how to find the balance in supporting a young adult whose depression and anxiety is preventing him from taking steps toward his stated goals. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As many listeners know, Asher is doing a gap year this year, having graduated from high school last summer. And so I’ve been pretty immersed in this topic, but I’ve been getting so many questions from families who want to know more about navigating gap year. And in fact, I’ve been hearing more and more about the benefits of gap years for ALL students, not only neurodivergent kids, especially since the pandemic. The questions I get the most are what exactly is a gap year? How is a parent to know if their child would benefit from taking a gap year? How should a student be spending their time between high school and college, if that is indeed the next step for them? And where should I start when it comes to finding and vetting the best programs and possibilities for a child taking this year between high school and what comes next?To explore this topic, I invited Dr. Eric Endlich, a clinical psychologist, founder of Top College Consultants, and expert who guides students with learning differences and mental health challenges through the college application process. I asked Eric how we can determine as parents whether our kid is ready or not for college, what types of gap year experiences for neurodivergent students exist, and how universities perceive a student taking a gap year when considering their application. We also talked about how to find the right program for your student and how to do some voting to make sure it’s the right fit.As you’ll hear from the episode, Eric has a wealth of knowledge about ways to navigate the sometimes lengthy and unique runway for neurodivergent students. I hope you enjoy this conversation!About Dr. Eric EndlichEric Endlich, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and founder of Top College Consultants, guides students with learning differences and mental health challenges through the college application process. Dr. Endlich has served on the Learning Differences/Neurodiversity and DEI Committees of the Independent Educational Consultants Association (IECA), and was honored by IECA with a “Making a Difference” award for contributions such as a database of neurodiversity-friendly colleges. He co-teaches a course, Working with Students with Learning Differences, and co-manages a 16,000-member Facebook group for parents of college-bound neurodivergent students. A national presenter, researcher and professional writer, Dr.Endlich has been interviewed by various media including Forbes, Money magazine, College Confidential and U.S. News & World Report. Things you'll learn The key components when considering a student’s college readiness, including academic capabilities and independence skills What types of gap year experiences are possible (from formal programs to DIY) How colleges perceive gap years, as well as whether to apply to universities before or during a gap year A look at the types of formal gap year programs specifically designed to support neurodivergent students Strategies and insights for researching and vetting gap year programs  Resources mentioned Top College Consultants Top College Consultants' Articles Neurodiversity in College (Top College Consultants' Resource) Top College Consultants on Facebook Young Scholars Academy The Dorm (therapeutic treatment center for young adults) Parents of College Bound Students with Learning Disabilities, ADHD and ASD (Facebook group) Dynamy Gap Year program Mansfield Hall (post-graduate program in Connecticut) Mitchell College Landmark College Summer Program Middlebridge School (post-graduate program in Rhode Island) SOAR Gap Year program Semester Off Program (Massachusetts) Franklin Academy (post-graduate program in Connecticut) Winston Transitions (non-residential post-graduate program in New York) CIP Transition Program at Berkeley (California)   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Author and gifted education advocate Deb Douglas explains the importance of helping gifted learners advocate for themselves, as well as how parents can support them in doing so.Connect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Parenting Coach Margaret Webb joins Debbie Reber for this Parent Lean-In episode, where they answer a listener question:Our 9 year old (autism, ADHD, anxiety) struggles with games/ any competition and responds with physical aggression when he loses. We have tried many therapies and medication with no changes in this area. We know this is a nervous system response and possible PDA response, thus accommodate at home by allowing him to win. However he has started to play games at school and is having outbursts as his peers don't accommodate and will win. I'm not sure if our accommodations are inadvertently creating more issues as he is so used to winning and if we should create more opportunities at home for him to lose so he can learn to work through it, however I feel like we've tried that and he still was never able to cope. Would love any ideas! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If I told you there was a passive intervention that could help your kiddo and your family increase the window of tolerance in the way the world is received, would you believe me? Well today, I’m sharing a conversation on exactly that — it’s called the Safe and Sound Protocol, and it’s essentially a therapeutic listening program designed to support emotional regulation and neuroception. I was first introduced to SSP by a therapist our family was working with and I wanted to know more about how it works, and how it can support kids who have what Dr. Mona Delahooke refers to as a less-sturdy nervous system platform.I reached out to educator, author, and bodyworker Autum Romano to join me for this conversation, as she is passionate about nervous system regulation as a foundation for transformative whole health. Autum, who is also neurodivergent and twice-exceptional, is known for her intuitive healing approach. She recently collaborated with Dr. Porges on a case study for his upcoming book on the benefits of the Safe and Sound Protocol, and last year published her own childrens’ book called Body Wisdom and the Polyvagal Theory, which introduces polyvagal theory in an easy-to-understand way.In this conversation, we talk about what neuroception is and why it’s critical to helping our kids develop a felt sense of safety, as well as what the Safe and Sound Protocol actually is. She explains how it essentially re-patterns the brain’s nervous system through listening, creates a safe space for brain and body integration, and leads to impactful, long-lasting results.This is a fascinating conversation about polyvagal, neuroception, and nervous system support that definitely left me wanting to know, and experience, more. I hope you get a lot out of it. About Autum RomanoAutum Romano is an educator, author, and bodyworker who’s passionate about nervous system regulation as a foundation for transformative whole health. Autum holds certifications as a Neuromuscular Therapist, Licensed Massage Therapist, Safe and Sound Protocol Provider, Craniosacral Therapist, Reiki Master, and Certified Trauma Informed Care Provider with over 27 years in the field and more than 25,000 massages given. Known for her intuitive healing approach, Autum is also neurodivergent and twice-exceptional. She recently collaborated with Dr. Porges on a case study for his upcoming book on the benefits of the Safe and Sound Protocol.In collaboration with her son, Autum has authored a children’s book titled Body Wisdom and the Polyvagal Theory. Crafted for pre-readers and individuals with dyslexia, their goal is to democratize the Polyvagal Theory, viewing it as a user manual for the body. They aim to make this valuable knowledge accessible to a diverse and inclusive audience. Things you'll learn: How neuroception works to detect safety or threat without conscious awareness The ways in which body work can help individuals understand their neuroception What the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP) is and how it stimulates the ventral branch of the vagus nerve through music The benefits of going through the SSP on our kids’ window of tolerance and nervous system How Autum’s book Body Wisdom and the Polyvagal Theory introduces polyvagal theory to kids of all ages  Resources mentioned: Autum Romano’s website Autum on Instagram Autum on Facebook Body Wisdom and the Polyvagal Theory by Autum Romano Dr. Stephen Porges and Polyvagal Theory Safe and Sound Protocol My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem Deb Dana’s website, Rhythm of Regulation Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory by Deb Dana Deb Dana on Befriending Our Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory (Tilt Parenting Podcast) To receive 10 percent of Autum’s Safe & Sound Protocol Home Program, use the code TILT Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices