Pause Purpose Play

All work and no play, does that bring you joy? In a culture where toxic productivity is praised and rewards you with achievement, it’s hard to stop and appreciate beauty, to find everyday joy.    In this episode, I speak with Tamu Thomas about how difficult it is to let go of toxic productivity, and move towards everyday joy and moments that matter instead. By letting the joy in, we also let the pain in.    Tamu Thomas is a Qualified Social Worker & Somatic Coach. She helps high-achieving women feel emotionally safe so they can recover from toxic productivity & under-living.   We cover:  Overfunctioning impacts your body Somatic coaching, whole body approach Conditioned to over-productivity Appreciate the joy in every day Negativity bias blocking present joy Taking care of pain, fear, sorrow Toxic productivity and unrealistic expectations ‘Hack’s for overfunctioning dismiss humanity Showing up for ourselves with trust Western culture treating people as machines Fight/flight - got to be productive Freeze - overwhelmed ‘Not enough’ness, proving your worth Resistance to slow down, preparing for sleep with bedtime routine False sense of control from over working Working with yourself, not on yourself - you’re not a project Harmony improves productivity in a nourishing way Polyvagal theory and feeling safe   Tamu can be found at www.livethreesixty.com and @livethreesixty on Instagram Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

What do you base your self-worth on? If your self-worth is based on achievement, you’ll feel good about yourself as long as you are achieving. If you fail, your self-esteem will plummet. You may think of yourself as confident in one area of your life, and not in others. What then happens when you make a mistake in that area? Inevitably, you will. Your self-esteem and confidence will then come tumbling down like a house of cards, as you have built it on you always achieving high standards and reaching your goals. In this brief solo episode, I discuss what happens when you attach your self-worth to your achievements, and how following rigid rules sets you up for disappointment.  If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Leadership is an important part of every workplace. What sort of leader have you got in yours? If you are in a leadership position yourself, what sort of leader are you, or do you aspire to be?  Understanding the different parts of you at play is important, and can help you understand why you might hold yourself back with impostor syndrome, doubt and self-criticism, thinking you must be an all-knowing guru to provide value as a leader.    In this episode, I speak with business psychologist Wendy Kendall about how we can let go of the guru leader, and make space for people by letting go of power.    In her corporate practice, Wendy has worked with over 3000 global leaders. Wendy founded the training and coaching company Inspiring Psychology Practices where she helps psychologists in private practice create businesses where they feel inspired every day and respond to the string of recent crises.    We cover:  Creating balance and meaning in work life Restorative and regenerative practices If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go with others. Pressure to be the guru, the expert Knowledge and power Diversity and inclusion in practices Imposter syndrome in female leaders Leadership and hybrid working after the pandemic Showing care and compassion in leadership, letting go of power Internal Family Systems model Your inner leadership team, self-leadership Regenerative leadership empowers others Edge effect abundance and cross pollination   Find out more about Wendy at her website www.inspiringpsychologypractices.com Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Struggling to slow down, to take a break? I see people be so reluctant to press pause, that they get forced to come to a full stop when their body says no. The first step to able to take a break is to realise that you are struggling to do it. Perhaps you are caught up in overworking, living your life in the fast lane? If you are constantly busy, you may ignore your body’s signals that you need a break. In this brief solo episode, I discuss overperformance and simple steps you can take to slow down and take a break, before you break.  If this episode has been helpful, make sure to download my freebie, Calm the Overwhelm on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm and work your way through the checklists around signs of overwhelm, steps you can take to slow down and what is getting in the way of taking a break.    Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Have you tried to change an unhelpful habit or behaviour, and got stuck? Perhaps you WANT to change and DON’T WANT to change it at the same time, feeling ambivalent and resistant to do something about this problem. Then you beat yourself up for it.  In this episode, I speak to Dr Stan Steindl about compassion and motivation for change.  Dr Stan Steindl is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice at Psychology Consultants Pty Ltd, and an Adjunct Associate Professor at School of Psychology, University of Queensland, Brisbane, Australia. He is also co-director of the UQ Compassionate Mind Research Group. He is the author of three books: Compassion in a T-Shirt (2020), The Gifts of Compassion: How to Understand and Overcome Suffering (2020), and The Gifts of Compassion: Personal Practice Workbook (2021).  We cover: Compassion to others, and to self Motivational Interviewing (MI) and Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) Ambivalence about changing behaviour Arguments for/against changing Supporting autonomy to make a choice Fears, blocks, resistances to compassion Changing alcohol habits with Compassion Focused Therapy Rolling with resistance, “yes...but” Self-determination theory, not liking being told what to do Being helpful, not harmful, to self and others The strength and courage of compassion to do hard things Giving up self-criticism to self-compassion Short-term gain, long-term pain Threat system - fight/flight Soothing system - calm and controlled Setting compassionate intention   Find Stan at www.stansteindl.com   Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media  

Do you see the value in going slow? If you don't, it's not your fault.  You may never have been shown what going slow looks like, if you have had a parent or care giver who was constantly on the go, never sitting down to relax. You may then have learned that this is how you must be, to have value and worth. You may have been praised for doing a lot and being productive, so going slow feels like failing. You may fear that if you slow down and take care of yourself, you won’t meet your goals.  Maybe you have been criticised in the past, for being ‘lazy’ if taking a break. Taking a break isn’t lazy - it’s worthwhile because it tells your brain that YOU are worthwhile. Do you struggle to slow down like this, giving yourself a mindful moment? You can download my worksheet Calm the Overwhelm on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm which we will also talk more in the next solo episode hitting the podcast in two weeks. Don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss it!     Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you work in a toxic workplace? Where you are pushed beyond your limits, rather than being looked after? Where you constantly strive for recognition and yet doubt your own abilities, thinking you’re not good enough? Perhaps you have hit burnout and yet cannot make yourself leave, and think it’s all your fault that you ‘can’t cope’? In this episode, I explore how the internal pressure we put on ourselves to never fail is combined with the external pressure to perform in toxic workplaces, together with Fiona Kearns. We explore how you can recover from burnout due to toxic workplaces, and regain your confidence. Fiona Kearns is a Business Psychologist who helps people get rid of self-doubt, own their skillset and feel confident about playing huge in life and work. Fiona is the author of ‘How to Increase your Confidence’ and she specialises in helping leaders fulfil their potential in business. She loves the thrill of helping clients manage their imposter syndrome to become confident, visible and more impactful. We cover: ‘Coping’ with toxic workplaces Losing confidence and doubting self Recovery and forgiveness around burnout Burnout in the working environment Managers lacking people skills High performance does come from whipping Challenges in a toxic workplace Scapegoat culture Obsession with being busy not focused on wellbeing Work wellbeing impacts overall wellbeing Women missing out on opportunities Dealing with imposter syndrome Competence vs confidence Quickest route to reclaiming confidence   Find more from Fiona at www.kearnsconsultancy.com   Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you take the time to show appreciation for your partner, even if you also are irritated with them? Do you practise gratitude and kindness in your relationship?   This brief solo episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter 24 of my new book, The Lasting Connection, about developing love and compassion for yourself and your partner.    In this last episode based on the book, I cover gratitude and kindness for couples.    Subscribe now to not miss the following solo episodes, focusing on perfectionism, the inner critic, ambition, achievement, overwhelm, stress, productivity, self-compassion and much more.   Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you feel bad about the way you look? Does seeing yourself in the mirror trigger thoughts like “I’m not good enough, attractive enough, thin enough?”  Do you compare yourself to other people, thinking they look better than you? You’re not alone.  In this episode, I speak with psychotherapist Holli Rubin about body image, and feelings we have about our bodies, and how unrealistic ‘body positivity’ can be for those with a negative body image.    Holli Rubin is a psychotherapist, body image specialist and mental health practitioner with over 25 years’ experience where she has been commissioned by the Government Equalities Office and is part of the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Body Image.  We cover: Connection between our physical selves and our emotions The lens we view our appearance with Body image isn’t vanity Feelings about our body aren’t fixed Social media/imagery feed our comparison Questioning the images we see - retouching All bodies have imperfections Body neutrality rather than positivity Mindset shifts around what our bodies do for us Cosmetic surgery and body dysmorphia The transmission of negative body image from mother to child Embracing changing body shape in pregnancy   Body dysmorphia NHS guidance Mind guidance on body dysmorphia Find an IAPT service   Find out more about Holli on her website www.hollirubin.com   Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

How are you towards your partner when you are running low on energy, feeling depleted? Hardly 'your best self'. Looking after yourself helps look after your relationship too, by reducing reactivity and bringing more calm and connection.  This brief solo episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter 23 of my new book, The Lasting Connection, about developing love and compassion for yourself and your partner.  In this second to last episode based on the book, I cover self-care and self-compassion as a way to top yourself up, so you can also be there for your partner. Subscribe now to not miss the following solo episodes, focusing on perfectionism, the inner critic, ambition, achievement, overwhelm, stress, productivity, self-compassion and much more. Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media