The SelfWork Podcast

Happy 150th Episode!! This is the last of the series on aspects of depression and today, we're talking about self-destructive habits and patterns. Depression is innately painful. It’s lonely. It’s dark. Sometimes you lose hope that you can find your way out. So, you can easily turn to self-destructive behaviors to gain some form of perceived control or escape. Our focus will be on six, although we're completely leaving out substance abuse, which of course, is huge. Those six are: spending/shopping, bingeing and purging, restricting food/dieting/compulsive exercise, cutting, having an affair, and overly rigid compartmentalization. I’ll offer stories from my own patients and how they began to change their thinking about the escape routes they’d come to count on. And I’ll offer the question that I’ve used to help people begin to understand what function these behaviors are serving. The listener email is from someone who believes her husband has PHD (perfectly hidden depression). But she asks, "Since he’s highly perfectionistic, how can I approach him?" You can hear more about depression and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression will be arriving November 1, 2019 and you can pre-order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Image courtesy Pexels.            Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Depression and anxiety turn up in several mental illnesses. Yet when there's a definite mood cycle -- when one energy level of mood becomes apparent, either a too up or too down, and then another eventually takes it place -- this can earn the diagnosis of Bipolar II Disorder if certain criteria are met. I'll talk about what Bipolar II is exactly and relay the stories of two people with Bipolar Disorder, Julie Kraft and Jennifer Marshall, both well-known advocates for talking openly about mental illness. And I'll focus on what are termed "triggers" and how to manage them, so that you learn how to take care of yourself during those times. Our listener email is from a man in South America whose perfectionism drove him to try every new self-help technique out there, leaving him exhausted and confused. Maybe we should call it an addiction -- "self-helpism." His question is very thought-provoking and I hope you'll enjoy and learn from it. Important Links: WebMd article on Bipolar II Article from the Mayo Clinic on Bipolar Disorder Article in Psycom on Julie Kraft and her book Article in Psych Central on ways different people with Bipolar Disorder manage their illness Jennifer Marshalls Blog :  BipolarMomLife.com Take Bipolar Quiz You can hear more about depression and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression will be arriving November 1, 2019 and you can pre-order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

We're talking about love today on SelfWork. Unconditional love  often gets the thumbs up as the best or most selfless kind of love to have. Parents certainly want to welcome their children into the world with unconditional love. But there can be a problem when, as an adult, you don't set boundaries at all, and "loving unconditionally" can be manipulated fairly easily. Then there's conditional love, when love will be withdrawn if certain expectations aren’t followed. The boundaries or expectations themselves are manipulative, but often don't feel like they are. Why? Because they're couched in terms of "closeness" or "loyalty." I'll give several examples of conditional love and you can see if you recognize it in your own life. So your selfwork today is to look at the boundaries in your own relationships. Are the boundaries clear and respected, or perhaps not so much? The listener email for today is from someone who defines herself as a "people pleaser" and asks how she can change that particular pattern. Important Links: John Amodeo in Psychology Today You can hear more about love and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depressionwill be arriving November 1, 2019 and you can pre-orderhere! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!          Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Depression is going to be the topic of SelfWork for the coming weeks. And today, let's look into seven distorted beliefs that are going to justify or support you staying isolated, and even convince you that you're better off being alone. But loneliness and isolation are part and parcel of depression's hold on you. I know how real these voices can seem. I know how hard they are to fight off, especially when your mind isn’t helping you. But I'm going to use my version of common-sense psychology to see where challenging those beliefs might lead you. What are these beliefs? I can’t be around other people; they just make me mad. No one would understand. I’m burdening others if I talk about my pain. People have disappointed me, and I just can’t be hurt anymore. People don’t want to hear that I’m depressed again. I don’t care anymore. If I have to ask for it, it’s not the same Do you hear yourself or someone you love? Then I hope today's episode will shake those beliefs up. The listener email today is from a woman who’s struggled with obesity most of her life and has won that battle, but is left with the scars of loose sagging skin. And she’s met someone with whom she wants a vital sexual relationship. So,  she’s struggling with trust and vulnerability. You can hear more about coping with depression and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression will be arriving November 1, 2019 and you can pre-order here!Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!      Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

It's been Suicide Awareness Week here in the US so I wanted to feature your questions about the well-researched but still largely unrecognized signal for potential suicide risk -- what I term perfectly hidden depression. You have great questions. The first is from a writer who is losing her battle between creativity and perfectionism; the second from a wife and mother who is busy all day, but feels “blah” at night. A young woman used the SpeakPipe feature of the podcast (see below..) and  asks about how to move from what she terms “self-hatred” to “self-love." And the last is from a man who’s tried therapist after therapist, but now realizes that he tried to be the perfect patient and never revealed parts of himself that might show him in a vulnerable light. How can he begin to be real? Thank you for all these questions! If you're interested, I've also shared the first published excerpt from my book, Perfectly Hidden Depression, on my website -- just click here!  Important links: The Questionnaire for perfectly hidden depression The National Suicide Hotline You can hear more about coping with depression and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depressionwill be arriving November 1, 2019 and you can pre-orderhere! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Everyone knows when there's an elephant in the room. It's an event, fact or feeling-- past or present -- that can't, for some mysterious or not so mysterious reason, be acknowledged. It seems impossible or too risky or too painful to talk about. So you walk around it. Avoid it. Throw a sheet over it. We all have what are called "defense mechanisms" to deal with what stresses us too much. It can be as simple as distraction (which can get a bad rap by some in psychology) which can entertain you, get your mind off something difficult. Or you can flat out deny it, meaning that you don't allow yourself to see or admit the reality of that stressful elephant. Then there are more complex defenses, such as projection or compartmentalization. So today, we're talking about how you defend yourself from stress -- not a bad thing at all in moderation. It's only problematic when it's your only option to handle stress -- or tame the elephant. Our listener email is from a teenager whose mom has two completely different ways of being and is trying to understand how to approach her. This is a common question I get about loved ones so I thought I'd answer it on air. Important Links: The article by Dr. John Grohol on Psych Central describing common defense mechanisms Link to NPR's Invisibilia  You can hear more about coping with stress and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to this website and receive my weekly blog posts and podcasts!If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression will be arriving November 1, 2019 and you can pre-order here!Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Getting motivated for change and maintaining that change can be tricky business. Willpower. Self-discipline. Focus. All are touted as necessary for achievement of your goals. But where does self-acceptance come into this? And what about understanding what's underneath the change you maybe want or need to make? I'll talk today about how motivation -- understanding why you're working toward certain goals and the importance of not depending on shame to move toward those goals, as it will only sabotage your attempts in the end. The listener email is from someone who sought therapy in the past but hasn't as of yet had a successful experience. She's taking responsibility for some of that, but also finds that therapists tend to "meander" instead of coming up with specific goals and ways to get there. You can hear more about depression and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to this website and receive my weekly blog posts and podcasts! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then clickhereand answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depressionwill be arriving November 1, 2019 and you can pre-orderhere!Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Important Links: Book by Mark Mason The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F__k– Important link: Mark Manson on Self-Discipline  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Welcome. If you've listened to the previous episode, you know that explaining depression as a "chemical imbalance" is far too simple for such a complex process. Today I'm once again using a very well-written article by a team at Harvard as a guide. Today we'll focus on the  non-neurological factors that have a tremendous influence on whether or not you could become depressed -- specifically stress, trauma, medical illnesses and medications themselves. And I throw in some of my own observations and thoughts. And as always, there's a focus on treatment -- or what you can do about it. The listener email format is different today! On my website (and within the show notes) there’s now an icon from SpeakPipe which invites you to leave me a message for use on the podcast. This listener's question is a poignant one. She and her husband have been booted out of her daughter's life, who seems to have a history of significant emotional problems and is in therapy. So the question is how this mother could approach this very painful estrangement from her daughter as she wonders if the therapy itself is encouraging this behavior. Important links: Episode 091 on decreasing stress through mindfulness SelfWork Episode 109 on the use of a timeline Another more recent episode (121) on healing from trauma You can hear more about depression and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to this website and receive her weekly blog posts and podcasts! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression will be arriving November 1, 2019 and you can pre-order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Can depression be explained simply as a chemical imbalance? The answer is a resounding “no.” I’m basing this episode on a very well-written article by a team at Harvard that offers understandable explanations of what researchers believe is going on in your brain and in your life that can lead to depression. And here’s their […] The post 142 SelfWork: Is Depression Simply A Chemical Imbalance? Part 1 appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

How often to you look in the mirror and wish you saw another reflection there? There are many reasons for this lack of self-acceptance, everything from bullying to aging to irrational thinking and obsession. I’ll give some examples from my own life – as this has definitely been on my own journey toward health, but […] The post 141 SelfWork: Mirror Mirror… The Struggle with Body Image appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands