Pillow Talks

Have you ever been in the middle of some HOT sex and all of a sudden you start thinking about something completely unrelated? Maybe you need to get a babysitter for next weekend or you totally forgot to send that email to your boss.   Regardless of what you’re distracted by, it can be so frustrating and you can end up feeling powerless to your thoughts. You may even feel self-judgment or shame that you’re not able to stay focused during sex.   In this episode we’re giving you lots of practical tools for how you (and your partner) can navigate distractions and stay more present during sex.   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode43

“Are we sexually compatible?” This haunting question comes up in the majority of relationships at some point. So what does it actually mean when it starts to feel like you’re not sexually compatible?? Is your relationship doomed?   The answer is - it depends! In this episode, we’re digging into sexual compatibility using an exciting new model Vanessa developed! Plus, we’ll even share our own “rankings” for how compatible (and incompatible) we are.   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode42

So how DID Xander propose? How often do we really have sex? You’re about to find out in this “ask us anything” style episode, where we answer your most frequently asked, burning questions.   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode41

What do you do when your partner initiates sex, but you’re not in the mood?   This can be one of the trickiest moments to navigate in a relationship. You might find yourself freezing up, worrying about hurting your partner, or even feeling irritated at them for initiating in the first place.   In this episode, we walk you through exactly what to do. You might even be surprised by our suggestions!   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Check out the show notes: vmtherapy.com/episode40

You wish your partner would do something thoughtful for you, and you definitely DON’T want to have to ask them to do it — because if you did, it wouldn’t really count as something thoughtful anymore! Right?!   This episode is the remedy for this all-too-common complaint. We’re giving you steps to take toward more intentional, joyful moments for both you and your partner.   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode39

There are two types of people: those who need to feel connected before having sex, and those that need to have sex in order to feel connected. In a cruel twist of fate, relationships typically have one of each type of person. This can lead to a stand-off situation that often manifests in long dry spells or straight up bad sex.   In this episode, we give our surprising (and perhaps controversial) answer to what comes first — emotional or physical connection, and talk about how to end the ‘stand-off’ once and for all.   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode38

One of the most frequent questions we get is, “Do you have kids?” Followed closely by “why don’t you have any?” While it hasn’t always been an easy journey, we’ve gotten to a place where we’re really comfortable and confident in our choice to be child-free. So today’s episode is all about how we got there!   We get deeply vulnerable and yes, tears were shed. We’re answering your burning questions and discussing how we decided to be child-free, the way we told our families and how they reacted, and the feelings that come up around knowing we won’t have children.   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode37

What do you do when your partner says something hurtful that you just can’t shake, even months or years later? Is it something you can grow and heal from or is it simply a deal breaker?   This advice-column style episode dives into the “grey area” of relationships. We’ll hear stories from members of our community who are sharing their most harrowing ‘can we come back from this?’ moments and give our best advice on how to move forward.   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode36

Has your partner ever done a task so poorly or asked you so many questions that you finally just said “fine, I’ll do it myself!”? This is called weaponized incompetence, and while your partner may not mean for it to be, it can be harmful in a relationship. In this episode we’re going to talk about how to identify weaponized incompetence, how it shows up in OUR relationship, and what to do if you or your partner are doing this.   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode35

We all want to feel desired, but so often in relationships we get into a place where it feels like one partner wants the other more.   If you’re the higher desire partner, you’re probably feeling lonely and scared - scared that your partner might not be into you, and scared that you’ll get rejected if you initiate any kind of sex or intimacy. In fact, you may even be withholding affection for fear of being turned down!   If you’re the lower desire partner, you might be feeling ashamed, like there’s something wrong with you. You may even be tempted to start giving your partner half-hearted sex or intimacy in an attempt to appease them.   Unfortunately, none of these techniques end up being very successful, and in fact tend to only reinforce the feeling of imbalance.   In this week's podcast episode, we show you how to unravel these painful dynamics.   Links & Resources: Rediscovering Desire Mental Load Workbook Initiation 101 Masterclass Check out our YouTube channel   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode34