Pardon the Mess with Courtney DeFeo - Christian Motherhood, Biblical Parenting, Raising Christian Kids

We’re all trying to process the tragic death of George Floyd and the unrest in our country this week. Many of us, myself included, are hesitant to say too much for fear of saying something wrong or making it worse in some way.  But, as believers, we are instructed to stand up for the oppressed and to love those around us “not just in words or speech, but with actions and truth” (1 John 3:18).  So how do we do that well?  I had the great privilege of having a conversation with a community of believers speaking vulnerably and practically about the issue of racism and the state of our country. I love the heart of each of these friends in sharing their pain but also spurring us on to do the hard things that pave the way for reconciliation and hope for all of those around us.  On today’s episode of Pardon the Mess we discussed: How it feels as a person of color to walk through these days What has helped, and what hasn’t, as people have reached out to them What it looks like to lament  Conversations white families should have with their kids How to “stand in support” of our friends of color not just in these days but every day I’ll conclude with the words that a dear friend of mine, Jerica Olsen, sent me this morning. “If the heart of God for his people hasn’t led you to stand up for the oppressed and defend those who can’t defend themselves - you might want to consider what God you’re aligning with.” Let’s continue to align with Jesus and pray for his healing and direction in our country.Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Mark Batterson is with us today on Pardon the Mess, speaking about reframing our biggest obstacles. By reframing obstacles as God-ordained opportunities, we allow him to do his work in us. We allow God to ensure we give him the glory as having done something bigger than we could imagine doing ourselves.  In a time when COVID-19 has thrown a complete wrench in all the things we call normal and predictable, today’s podcast is a good reminder that the size of our problems are far outweighed by the size of our God.  Mark’s book, In a Pit With a Lion On a Snowy Day, is one of those books that feels like it was written just for me in this season. One of my favorite quotes from the book (and there’s a lot) is: “God is in the business of strategically positioning us in the right place at the right time. But here’s the catch: The right place often seems like the wrong place, and the right time often seems like the wrong time.” For many of us, this season has been a forced slow down. It has been a time when God has shed light on places that need re-prioritizing and refocusing. Maybe you’re feeling called to something new. Maybe you need a reminder to not let what you can’t do keep you from accomplishing what you can do. Or maybe you’re realizing that your view of God seems smaller, the more you focus on the size of your obstacles.  Whatever it is you’re praying for these days, I hope you walk away from this conversation encouraged to chase the lions in your life. Oh, and here is one quick spoiler alert: my favorite part of our conversation happens at the very end (don’t skip out early). Mark reminds us that few people will have platforms that influence thousands of people. However, our greatest success is often when those who know us best respect us the most. As parents, let’s chase the lion of loving our family well and being the parents God has called us to be.Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“We’ll never be a perfect parent, but we can be a praying parent.” —Mark Batterson Today we wrap-up nine months of praying over our kids this school year.  As I look back over the past few months, I’m amazed by the things we’ve seen and experienced in this country. We have witnessed things that we never could have imagined last August while taking our beloved first day of school pictures.  Thankfully, none of it surprises God.  If we’ve learned anything this school year, it’s that we cannot predict what tomorrow will bring. The events of these past few months have highlighted the importance of faithfully coming before the author of all of our days and praying for our families.  This week we are praying God-sized dreams for our kids. Pastor and best-selling author of Praying Circles Around Your Children, Mark Batterson, joins me with a powerful reminder of why we pray for our kids. He provides encouragement to pray for God's bigger purposes for their lives. My favorite part of the podcast is talking about not making the mistake that King David’s dad, Jesse, made. All he could see was a shepherd boy in David, yet God was in the process of grooming a king.  Join us today as we pray God-sized dreams for our kids and conclude a school year of prayer.Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

As a Mom, one of my recurring concerns is a focus on how to ensure my kids have a deep faith. When my kids leave the house, after eighteen years of growing, guiding, and leading them, I want them to understand why we believe what we believe. I realize that ultimately it’s up to them to decide whether to follow God or not. But I often find myself pondering the question: What is the best way for us to set them up to make the most important decision of their lives? If this question is on your radar too, you’re going to love my conversation today with Ruth Chou Simons. We talk about the ordinary things in life that work to shape our family’s faith. We speak to the importance of individually pursuing Jesus and how our pursuits become a part of the fabric of our home. And Ruth shares her journey of balancing a career with family life—how she’s worked through seasons of saying “yes” professionally and other seasons where she’s been called to say “no.”  Ruth is a best-selling author, artist, founder of Gracelaced, wife, and a mom to six boys. She offers an encouraging word for all of us today. As we plow through the mundane moments of everyday parenting, Ruth prompts us to keep our eyes on the bigger and better prize of Jesus. Join us and find rest in his promises.Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“The only thing getting thin during this quarantine is my patience.” – Author Unknown I don’t know who said this, but I give it a resounding amen as we kick off week nine of sheltering in place. Who’s with me? This week we’re praying patience over our kids, and I’m guessing few of us feel qualified to teach anyone a lesson in patience these days. Thankfully the Lord models his great patience in dealing with us and guides us with grace as we attempt to raise kids in this fruit of the spirit. As we consider what patience looks like for our kids, we naturally think about it in the context of their siblings, friends, teammates, and especially their parents. But take a few minutes to listen to our podcast today as Kay Wyma joins me to talk about an even deeper level of praying patience for our kids – the discipline of waiting patiently for the Lord’s hand in their lives. Praying and abundance of patience with you and for you this week! Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Terra’s ministry lies at the corner of theology and therapy. She is available NOW to share healthy relationship wisdom with parents of girls (from her new book, Courageous): ª  How to raise courageous girls in a world of fear, anxiety and loneliness ª  Teaching the truth about intimacy: we are loved and can have intimacy with God and others outside of sex ª  Empowering daughters (and moms!) with five tools for creating calm in the midst of anxiety ª  How emotions help us discover our authentic self and deeply connect with God and others ª  Step #1 for raising courageous girls? Become a courageous woman ª  Helping our daughters become resilient -- rather than avoidant or naïve or avoidant ª  Learning to recognize three types of friends - and becoming a better friend ª  The secret to honest relationships between moms and daughters  ª  Why Terra intentionally travels the road of motherhood alongside other women   Terra Mattson is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the clinical director of Living Wholehearted, an organization she co-founded with her husband and business partner, Jeff, which is dedicated to helping leaders live with integrity. Terra is also the co-founder of Courageous Girls, a free web-based curriculum offering biblical and clinical wisdom to moms and daughters, and author of Courageous: Being Daughters Rooted in Grace. Terra and Jeff have two daughters. Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Do you ever feel lacking in the mom department? Do you find yourself drowning in the mundane, frantically searching for a greater purpose in the throes of laundry, dishes, teenage battles, and potty training?   Me too. Every season of parenting offers hardships that leave me questioning: “God, when will I serve your greater purpose?”   Authors and co-founders of the Risen Motherhood ministry, Emily Jensen and Laura Wifler, join me today with simple, biblical truths about the power of the gospel in everyday life. We discuss reframing our view of the ordinary parts of motherhood through the lens of the resurrection. Emily and Laura counter the entrapments of comparison with a challenge to lean into others’ giftings, allowing them to feed into our kids and aid us in our motherhood walks. And we touch on navigating parenting children with learning differences.  Join us as we explore beauty in the midst of the mundane. And make sure to check out Emily and Laura’s book, Risen Motherhood: Gospel Hope for Everyday Moments.Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Today I am honored to talk with my friend, Lisa Clark, about praying submission for our kids. Submission is often talked about in the church, but it is rarely understood in its full context. It is not just something to be modeled in marriage, but something to be modeled to our kids as well. Join Lisa and me as we talk about how we, as parents, model the same submission that Christ modeled in going to the cross. My hope is that you will take away practical ways to practice submission in your homes and pray it over your kids daily.Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Do you feel quarantined out? Are you struggling with feelings of getting it all wrong? We’re right there with you.  Author, speaker, and mom of four, Laura Smith chats with us about giving ourselves grace as we parent in these hard days. We talk about navigating the disappointment our kids are facing, while also finding hope in the bigger picture of Jesus.  Laura gives us a great reminder about using this time to model our faith well. She also discusses her new book and speaks to the power of hymns. Her insight and wisdom gave me new life!  Join us today and walk away humming “Amazing Grace”—that’s a promise!Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

I played in a band growing up.  Okay, so it wasn’t so much “a” band as “the” band. I played the clarinet and—if I’m honest—I felt pretty good about it until I hit high school. The first time I saw my sporty friends head off to their games, dressed in cute uniforms, I became keenly aware that my elective of choice was lacking in the cool department. There I was, left behind holding my plume (you young kids google the plume and you’ll understand my woes).  While practicing with 200+ other band members, I learned some great lessons on the hash marks of the football field. The lesson that has stuck with me the most is this: the greatest success in a marching band performance is achieved when the individual band member is completely unnoticed. As we raise kids in a culture basking in recognition and praise, it’s counterintuitive to teach our kids the value of going unnoticed. It’s not that they aren’t gifted and called to use their talents for God’s glory, but it’s our job to teach them to be willing to do so in a way that draws attention to the giver of the gift rather than the gift itself.  Jesus is the perfect model of humility. He came to earth in the form of a baby and lived a blameless life so that he could die on the cross and give us new life. He more than deserved recognition and acknowledgement for his heavenly status, yet he chose to demonstrate humility because he was sold out to his Father’s will and the bigger picture of the gospel.  Join me and my dear friend, Julie Hildebrand, today as we talk about the important but difficult task of raising humble kids. And as we consider what humility really means this week, let the wisdom of Rick Warren sink in: “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy