Pardon the Mess with Courtney DeFeo - Christian Motherhood, Biblical Parenting, Raising Christian Kids

I’ve had the blessing of raising my kids with an incredible group of moms over the past ten years. We’ve weathered some really hard places together, while also enjoying some great successes. And I'm just so thankful the Lord has blessed me with friendships that are real and vulnerable. I am grateful for friends who are willing to fight for me and my family, when I’ve lacked my own will to fight.    We all want those friendships for our kids. We know and understand the differences they have made in our lives. This week, we’re praying our kids are blessed with friendships marked by an uncompromising faith and deep loyalty.    On today’s podcast, we talk about King David and his friendship with Nathan. Nathan was a friend who told David what he needed to hear, not just what he wanted to hear. He pointed him to the truth when David was living outside of God’s best. David and Nathan are a great reminder of why we want biblical friendships for our kids.    We’re praying this week for the relationships that will have the most influence on our kids’ lives. We are praying for the spouses, friends, pastors, and mentors who will pick them up when they fall down and build them up when they’re struggling.    Proverbs 27:9 says: “A sweet friendship refreshes the soul.” As you’re praying for your kids this week, take a minute to be thankful for the godly friendships in your own life. Remember to thank those who have shown you the truths of this Scripture.    I am so grateful to be praying for our kids together this school year. And I can’t wait to see the godly relationships the Lord has in store for them.Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How do you know when you’re hearing God? What’s the key to discerning his voice? If you’re anything like me, some days the loudest voice you hear is the one saying you need chips and queso—ASAP.   Thankfully, Alli Worthington joins us on Pardon the Mess today with a profound word on adversity and discerning God’s voice in the middle of it. When we learn to really hear from God, we are able to partner with him in the things he has planned for our lives.    I love her clarifying point: we aren’t called to spin our wheels figuring out our “purpose” in life. The Great Commission is clear, our days on earth are to be spent telling others about Jesus. But our calling is individual to each of us. And in order to obey our calling, we must discern God’s voice.    Don’t miss Alli’s five self-reflecting questions, guiding us to see if we’re truly hearing from God. Oh, and definitely, definitely don’t miss our discussion on letting our kids see us wrestle with God and refusing to sanitize God in their lives.    So much good stuff!   Thankful for each of you. I cannot wait for you to hear today’s podcast!Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“I would be content in life if I just had __________ (fill in the blank).” Ever felt that way? I know I have. And when you finally fill in the blank, it seems there’s always something else new that finds it way back into that empty blank.  Finding contentment in a culture that’s always chasing after the next big thing isn’t easy. It’s hard for us as adults. And it’s equally hard (or harder) for our kids. Given the right perspective, we can see that Christian contentment is far less about our possessions and far more an issue of the heart.  Paul gives us a great word on contentment in Philippians 4:11–13: For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. We’re reminded in this passage that contentment is learned. It’s a matter of choice and discipline. A key component in the learning process is being able to discern what has earthly versus eternal value. Contentment is found in fixing our eyes on what’s eternal.  Join us on today’s podcast as we talk about the life of David and how contentment (and times of discontent) marked his life. Let’s pray our kids have a life-long contentment, separate from what they do or don’t have physically on earth. And let’s pray that their contentment is rooted solely in Jesus. Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

I’m guessing there’s not one of us who couldn’t use a bit of practical parenting advice, considering all #2020 has thrown our way. Thankfully, Kendra Adachi is on Pardon the Mess today, and she’s bringing us just that! Kendra passionately and candidly speaks into how to stop doing it all, so that we can do the things that really matter. Her mantra is quite genius: Be a genius about what matters and lazy about what doesn’t.  Sign me up, right?  With her thirteen guiding principles, she helps us work through issues we all face in raising kids. She even “lazy geniuses” a struggle happening in my home with my preschooler.   Here are a few of my favorite takeaways:  Live in your season because it won’t last forever Name what matters and remove things that don’t support that Build the right routines Schedule rest by doing the thing that makes you feel most like yourself Oh, and be sure to check out all of Kendra’s lazy genius podcast episodes, including how to make her change-your-life chicken, how to shop at Costco, or how to start a hobby. She even told me how to “lazy genius” when cleaning my bathrooms. This girl has something for everyone! Keep up with Kendra on Facebook and follow her on Instagram at @thelazygenius You can also get Kendra's book, The Lazy Genius Way, here.Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Can you think of any early events that shaped your identity for better or worse?  I remember one formative experience when I was a senior in high school. I heard a girl tell our group of friends that the reason I was admitted to a particular college was because my parents had connections. I’m fairly brilliant (ha!), so it was clearly not true. But it was hurtful just the same.  I look back now and see how many of my decisions were made in response to that one careless comment. I wanted to prove to myself (and others) that I was good enough. It’s a small example with a big reminder. When we search for identity anywhere other than in the Word of God, we will be disappointed.  This week, we’re praying that our kids find their identity in Jesus, not in what others say about them. The world will tell them their worth is based on looks, talents, failures, and accomplishments. God’s Word refutes that by saying they are already his sons and daughters (Romans 8:15), fully known and accepted by God himself (Psalm 139:1–4).  Identity matters because it informs how we live our days. Join me in praying for our kids’ identity. Let’s pray that they will know they are valuable, loved, seen, and good enough—not because of who they are, but because of whose they are.Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

When it comes to parenting, working, praying, exercising—come to think of it, in most things—I find myself constantly running on empty. And I have a feeling I’m not alone.   We’re living in a time when it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and impatient. Thankfully, we have a Savior who wants us to live with freedom and peace. And he wants it so badly that he selflessly died so we might have abundant life. Don’t miss that truth—it’s life changing when you truly live in the freedom of it.   Pastor, author, and podcaster, Levi Lusko, joins us on Pardon the Mess to discuss our need to confront the pain, loss, and darkness in our lives. Only in acknowledging these hard places, can we find the complete peace and healing the Lord offers. More than that, God is faithful to use these hard places to do great things with our imperfect progress. There’s some hope we can all use today.   I always love having Levi on the podcast because he’s completely transparent and authentic. Today, he shares how his need for productivity became an idol. He also discusses how he battles with feelings of inadequacy as a father.   If for no other reason, don’t miss today’s podcast to hear me share one of my most embarrassing podcast moments. Sadly, it happened in an interview with Levi earlier this year.  Bless my heart.   Thanks for listening. I can’t wait to hear how you’re encouraged to “take back your life.”Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

It’s hard to believe we’re wrapping up the first month of praying for our kids in this new school year! This week, we’re praying for our kids to be marked by faith in God. Specifically, we’re asking the Lord to give them deep faith that endures in the good times, hard times, and every time in between.   We’ve been studying the life of Joseph. We’ve seen how Joseph’s faith kept him steady as he faced the difficulties of family divisiveness, being sold into slavery, false imprisonment, and even a famine. He didn’t know what the future held, but he trusted the God who did. That’s exactly what we want for our kids.    In 2 Corinthians 4:18 we are given an idea of what it takes to live by faith: “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”   Fixing our eyes on the unseen is foundational to trusting God. We’re walking in days when the “seen” things are scary and unknown. But the unseen things, they remind us that God is on his throne and he goes before us and behind us promising to work all things for our good and his glory (Romans 8:28).    Join me this week as we pray for our kids to be marked by an enduring faith.Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

On August 25, 2018, Kayla Stoecklein lost her husband to suicide. Andrew was a pastor of Inland Hills Church in Chino, California. In the wake of the tragedy, Kayla embarked upon a brave journey to better understand her husband’s battle with mental illness. She ultimately sought to overcome the stigma of suicide.  Shortly after losing Andrew, Kayla wrote a letter that went viral. She apologized for not truly understanding his pain and promised to honor his name. I remember reading her letter, posted alongside the picture of their three beautiful children, and being shaken by the grief she was experiencing. I couldn’t help but wonder how God could possibly redeem such hardship in their lives. Two years later, I’m blessed with the opportunity to speak with Kayla and hear how God is faithfully using her story to help people navigate the difficult waters of mental health.  September is National Suicide Prevention month. The statistics are a stark reminder that each of us will likely be impacted by suicide in some manner. On this episode of Pardon the Mess, Kayla bravely shares her difficult story. She gives us proactive steps for our own mental health and emphasizes the importance of letting others into our pain.  Kayla is determined to ensure Andrew’s life is defined by how he lived, not how he died. I want to end with these beautiful words from Andrew’s last sermon, shared in Kayla’s book: “We are all a mess, none of us have it figured out, all of us are broken, and all of us fall short. It’s the mess that brings us together and draws God near. If we weren’t all a mess, we wouldn’t need God.” See more from Kayla: Fear Gone Wild  https://www.godsgotthis.com/ National Suicide Prevention LifelineOur Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This week we’re praying that our kids are marked by God’s favor. I used to think God’s favor meant I would have success in ministry, my kids would stay on track, my dog would bark less, and my husband’s work would flourish. But with a little gray hair (which will forever remain highlighted), I’ve learned God’s favor looks a lot different than earthly favor.  His favor is discovered in knowing that our name is written in the book of life. It is found in believing that there is nothing that can separate us from his love.  As we pray God’s favor over our kids this week, my hope is that we would understand favor in the context of Joseph’s life. We’re told that God gave Joseph success in all that he did (Genesis 39:3). Wait, success in all he did? He was sold into slavery, falsely imprisoned, estranged from his family, and more. If that’s success, we might want to consider being unsuccessful. (Just kidding) But we know Joseph had God’s favor because the Lord was doing things in his life that surpassed his biggest dreams. Joseph’s faith allowed him to trust God’s favor even through some seemingly unfavorable circumstances.  We want that for our kids too!  God longs for his children to be obedient, walk in step with him, and surrender to his purposes. Join me in praying that our kids live in ways God can bless, allowing his great favor to encompass all they do. Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Is it really possible that we have been given the opportunity to have Mark Batterson on the podcast twice this year? Yes, it is! And it’s exactly what’s going down on Pardon the Mess today. Look at you 2020, actually giving us something good for a change. 😂 Mark is the lead pastor of National Community Church in Washington, DC and a New York Times best-selling author of over eighteen books. When it comes to discerning the voice of God in our lives, Mark has a great word for us today.  As you’ve probably heard me mention ad nauseam, Mark’s book, In the Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day, has arguably impacted my faith more than any book I’ve read in the last decade (other than the Bible). So of course, I didn’t miss the chance to talk about it on today’s podcast. Mark and I discuss how to navigate obstacles we face with confidence, knowing how God’s story ends and his great plans for our lives.  Mark and his daughter recently released a children’s book: God Speaks in Whispers. In their book, they share with us ways to teach our kids to listen for God’s voice and why we should pray for “long obedience” all of their days. Lots of good stuff coming your way today! Dive in with me, and let’s be encouraged with the great reminder that God Speaks in Whispers. Get your own copy of God Speaks in Whispers! Mark is joining me for the Perfectly Imperfect digital event, learn more and register today!Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy