Pardon the Mess with Courtney DeFeo - Christian Motherhood, Biblical Parenting, Raising Christian Kids

As I’ve been working through the new realities of this pandemic, I’ve felt a bit of fear creeping into my life. Maybe it’s because I live in a COVID-19 “hot spot.” Or, it could be that as things have opened up in our state, my family is inevitably facing increased exposure to the virus. Either way, my lack of control over things I previously thought I could manage has revealed how quickly fear can replace faith in my life. I’m guessing I’m not alone. Ed Young, Senior Pastor of Fellowship Church, joins us on Pardon the Mess today to talk through dealing with fear in these uncertain days. In his new book, The Fear Virus, he encourages us to get “historical, not hysterical” when we’re fearful. Being historical means going back to all the places where God has been faithful in our past and using those times to remind us that God will continue to be faithful in the present. Pastor Young shares with us the significance of trusting God in the face of fear and how to do that practically: naming our fears, taking captive our thoughts, and praying for wisdom and guidance. Trusting God is a daily (sometimes momentary) decision, and in days like these, it often means we deliberately choose to cling to God’s words instead of the words filling the air all around us. You will love Ed Young’s vulnerable and entertaining words for us today! I’m praying this podcast will refresh you and bring biblical encouragement as you identify the areas of fear you’re struggling with.Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The disciples were walking with Jesus one day when they happened upon a blind man. They asked Jesus whether the man’s parents or the man himself had sinned, causing him to be blind. Jesus said neither, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him” (John 9:1–3). And then Jesus put mud on the blind man’s eyes and gave him sight.    Discussing the truths of this passage of Scripture might be my favorite part of today’s podcast: the reminder that whether it’s sickness, health, disability, or poverty, God can use all of these things for his glory!    Jamie Sumner joins me with words of encouragement for those raising special needs children and for the rest of us walking the road with them. You will love her practical and heartfelt words describing her own journey in raising Charlie while also sharing some of the difficulties she’s faced with guilt, her marriage, finances, and managing disappointments and unmet expectations.   Jamie suggests how we can support those around us raising special needs children and how to guide our kids in their interactions with these precious kids. She encourages us to look at bravery in parenting from a different perspective and reminds us that our kids were God’s first so we can trust him in all the messy details.    I love how she ends her book, Eat, Sleep, Save the World: Words of Encouragement for the Special Needs Parent:    “Parenting a child who needs help to move, to speak, to interact with others is gritty. It takes courage and determination to know when to help and when to let go, when to fight for them and when to let them into the ring alone.”   Praying grit for every single one of us raising kids today!Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Happy Father’s Day to our dads!   Father’s Day wasn’t officially recognized as a national holiday until 1972. And almost fifty years later, we’re still thankful for the opportunity to celebrate all the dads in our lives and what they mean to our families.    As we think fondly of our dads this weekend, let’s not miss the opportunity to acknowledge the universal “daddisms” that make them who they are.    For instance, when they say things like:   “Don’t spend it all in one place” (after giving you virtually no money at all). “I’m not sleeping, I’m just resting my eyes.” “When I was your age . . .” “Don’t pay someone to fix that when I can do it.”  “Were you raised in a barn?” “They don’t make them like they used to.”    And then there’s the little things they do like driving endlessly around parking lots in search of the“perfect” spot, or insisting we have a little cash before getting on an airplane (as if cash will be our primary concern if the plane runs into trouble).   It’s the small things that make us big fans of the dads in our lives. And if you’re fortunate enough to have a dad who loves the Lord and has led your family well spiritually, then you’re doubly blessed.    In honor of our dads, we’re bringing you two podcasts this week!   Today, Steve Graves chats with my husband and me about crucial conversations every dad needs to have with their sons.    I hope you have a wonderful Father’s Day weekend, and be sure to share these podcasts with the men in your life.    Get Steve's book, 41 Deposits here!Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Happy Father’s Day to our dads!   Father’s Day wasn’t officially recognized as a national holiday until 1972. And almost fifty years later, we’re still thankful for the opportunity to celebrate all the dads in our lives and what they mean to our families.    As we think fondly of our dads this weekend, let’s not miss the opportunity to acknowledge the universal “daddisms” that make them who they are.    For instance, when they say things like:   “Don’t spend it all in one place” (after giving you virtually no money at all). “I’m not sleeping, I’m just resting my eyes.” “When I was your age . . .” “Don’t pay someone to fix that when I can do it.”  “Were you raised in a barn?” “They don’t make them like they used to.”    And then there’s the little things they do like driving endlessly around parking lots in search of the“perfect” spot, or insisting we have a little cash before getting on an airplane (as if cash will be our primary concern if the plane runs into trouble).   It’s the small things that make us big fans of the dads in our lives. And if you’re fortunate enough to have a dad who loves the Lord and has led your family well spiritually, then you’re doubly blessed.    In honor of our dads, we’re bringing you two podcasts this week!   In our first podcast, Jerrad Lopes of Dad Tired encourages men to lead well in their homes while also giving all of us wives some thoughts on how best to encourage our husbands as they lead.    I hope you have a wonderful Father’s Day weekend, and be sure to share these podcasts with the men in your life. Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

When it comes to technology, we’re raising our kids in a completely different world than the one we grew up in. The advancement of technology has provided some great benefits for our kids, most recently seen with online schooling successes during COVID-19. But technology has also given rise to some really sad statistics showing a steep increase in pornography use during quarantine.   Kristen Jenson, founder of Protect Young Minds, joins us today to discuss the impact of pornographic material on our kids. She highlights the importance of equipping them to deal with exposure to pornography from an early age. She believes the best filter we can provide is an internal filter, setting up a plan for dealing with pornography when our kids are inevitably exposed to it.   Kristen offers a great working definition of the topic and some easy ways to get past the awkwardness we may feel in discussing it with our kids. The reality is that really great kids are forced to deal with this issue in their lives, and as parents, we have the opportunity to set the stage for their success.   Don’t miss this encouraging and necessary conversation on a hard topic we will all face in parenting. Get Kristen's books here: Good Pictures Bad Pictures Good Pictures Bad Pictures, Jr.Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We’re all trying to process the tragic death of George Floyd and the unrest in our country this week. Many of us, myself included, are hesitant to say too much for fear of saying something wrong or making it worse in some way.  But, as believers, we are instructed to stand up for the oppressed and to love those around us “not just in words or speech, but with actions and truth” (1 John 3:18).  So how do we do that well?  I had the great privilege of having a conversation with a community of believers speaking vulnerably and practically about the issue of racism and the state of our country. I love the heart of each of these friends in sharing their pain but also spurring us on to do the hard things that pave the way for reconciliation and hope for all of those around us.  On today’s episode of Pardon the Mess we discussed: How it feels as a person of color to walk through these days What has helped, and what hasn’t, as people have reached out to them What it looks like to lament  Conversations white families should have with their kids How to “stand in support” of our friends of color not just in these days but every day I’ll conclude with the words that a dear friend of mine, Jerica Olsen, sent me this morning. “If the heart of God for his people hasn’t led you to stand up for the oppressed and defend those who can’t defend themselves - you might want to consider what God you’re aligning with.” Let’s continue to align with Jesus and pray for his healing and direction in our country.Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Mark Batterson is with us today on Pardon the Mess, speaking about reframing our biggest obstacles. By reframing obstacles as God-ordained opportunities, we allow him to do his work in us. We allow God to ensure we give him the glory as having done something bigger than we could imagine doing ourselves.  In a time when COVID-19 has thrown a complete wrench in all the things we call normal and predictable, today’s podcast is a good reminder that the size of our problems are far outweighed by the size of our God.  Mark’s book, In a Pit With a Lion On a Snowy Day, is one of those books that feels like it was written just for me in this season. One of my favorite quotes from the book (and there’s a lot) is: “God is in the business of strategically positioning us in the right place at the right time. But here’s the catch: The right place often seems like the wrong place, and the right time often seems like the wrong time.” For many of us, this season has been a forced slow down. It has been a time when God has shed light on places that need re-prioritizing and refocusing. Maybe you’re feeling called to something new. Maybe you need a reminder to not let what you can’t do keep you from accomplishing what you can do. Or maybe you’re realizing that your view of God seems smaller, the more you focus on the size of your obstacles.  Whatever it is you’re praying for these days, I hope you walk away from this conversation encouraged to chase the lions in your life. Oh, and here is one quick spoiler alert: my favorite part of our conversation happens at the very end (don’t skip out early). Mark reminds us that few people will have platforms that influence thousands of people. However, our greatest success is often when those who know us best respect us the most. As parents, let’s chase the lion of loving our family well and being the parents God has called us to be.Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“We’ll never be a perfect parent, but we can be a praying parent.” —Mark Batterson Today we wrap-up nine months of praying over our kids this school year.  As I look back over the past few months, I’m amazed by the things we’ve seen and experienced in this country. We have witnessed things that we never could have imagined last August while taking our beloved first day of school pictures.  Thankfully, none of it surprises God.  If we’ve learned anything this school year, it’s that we cannot predict what tomorrow will bring. The events of these past few months have highlighted the importance of faithfully coming before the author of all of our days and praying for our families.  This week we are praying God-sized dreams for our kids. Pastor and best-selling author of Praying Circles Around Your Children, Mark Batterson, joins me with a powerful reminder of why we pray for our kids. He provides encouragement to pray for God's bigger purposes for their lives. My favorite part of the podcast is talking about not making the mistake that King David’s dad, Jesse, made. All he could see was a shepherd boy in David, yet God was in the process of grooming a king.  Join us today as we pray God-sized dreams for our kids and conclude a school year of prayer.Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

As a Mom, one of my recurring concerns is a focus on how to ensure my kids have a deep faith. When my kids leave the house, after eighteen years of growing, guiding, and leading them, I want them to understand why we believe what we believe. I realize that ultimately it’s up to them to decide whether to follow God or not. But I often find myself pondering the question: What is the best way for us to set them up to make the most important decision of their lives? If this question is on your radar too, you’re going to love my conversation today with Ruth Chou Simons. We talk about the ordinary things in life that work to shape our family’s faith. We speak to the importance of individually pursuing Jesus and how our pursuits become a part of the fabric of our home. And Ruth shares her journey of balancing a career with family life—how she’s worked through seasons of saying “yes” professionally and other seasons where she’s been called to say “no.”  Ruth is a best-selling author, artist, founder of Gracelaced, wife, and a mom to six boys. She offers an encouraging word for all of us today. As we plow through the mundane moments of everyday parenting, Ruth prompts us to keep our eyes on the bigger and better prize of Jesus. Join us and find rest in his promises.Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“The only thing getting thin during this quarantine is my patience.” – Author Unknown I don’t know who said this, but I give it a resounding amen as we kick off week nine of sheltering in place. Who’s with me? This week we’re praying patience over our kids, and I’m guessing few of us feel qualified to teach anyone a lesson in patience these days. Thankfully the Lord models his great patience in dealing with us and guides us with grace as we attempt to raise kids in this fruit of the spirit. As we consider what patience looks like for our kids, we naturally think about it in the context of their siblings, friends, teammates, and especially their parents. But take a few minutes to listen to our podcast today as Kay Wyma joins me to talk about an even deeper level of praying patience for our kids – the discipline of waiting patiently for the Lord’s hand in their lives. Praying and abundance of patience with you and for you this week! Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy