Pardon the Mess with Courtney DeFeo - Christian Motherhood, Biblical Parenting, Raising Christian Kids

If you’re anything like me, there are very few things we feel less inclined to speak into than politics.  Even so, it’s important to guide our kids well in these politically divisive days. I recently gave a few considerations in an article I wrote on how to discuss politics with our kids: Would the world recognize you as a Christian if all they knew was how you engaged in politics? Would your kids know Jesus better if all they heard was your political speak? The truth is our political opinions are unlikely to change minds, but quite likely to change our witness. With all of that in mind, I am happy to introduce a two-part Pardon the Mess series to help us navigate this political culture.  Don’t worry: under no circumstances will we be talking about specific candidates or parties but rather principles that will help guide our kids.  In part 1, we have Jim Denison, co-founder of Denison Ministries, sharing ways we can disagree well and teach our kids to respect authority, even when we don’t agree with all of our leader’s actions. He reminds us that “winning arguments is not as important as winning souls.”  In part 2, Texas State Representative Jeff Leach and his wife, Becky, give us an insider look at our political system and suggest ways we might support our public servants through prayer.  I hope these podcasts equip you well in the coming weeks as we face the election and the days following. Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

If you’re anything like me, there are very few things we feel less inclined to speak into than politics.  Even so, it’s important to guide our kids well in these politically divisive days. I recently gave a few considerations in an article I wrote on how to discuss politics with our kids: Would the world recognize you as a Christian if all they knew was how you engaged in politics? Would your kids know Jesus better if all they heard was your political speak? The truth is our political opinions are unlikely to change minds, but quite likely to change our witness. With all of that in mind, I am happy to introduce a two-part Pardon the Mess series to help us navigate this political culture.  Don’t worry: under no circumstances will we be talking about specific candidates or parties but rather principles that will help guide our kids.  In part 1, we have Jim Denison, co-founder of Denison Ministries, sharing ways we can disagree well and teach our kids to respect authority, even when we don’t agree with all of our leader’s actions. He reminds us that “winning arguments is not as important as winning souls.”  In part 2, Texas State Representative Jeff Leach and his wife, Becky, give us an insider look at our political system and suggest ways we might support our public servants through prayer.  I hope these podcasts equip you well in the coming weeks as we face the election and the days following. Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What distracts your heart from being fully focused on God? It’s not a rhetorical question but one we should all consider from time to time.  Maybe it’s social media, consumerism, people-pleasing, the need for accomplishment, or even just the busyness of daily life. At any particular moment, I can honestly say there’s endless things with a hold on my heart.  The distracting factors are different for each of us. But the call of the Lord is the same: to live with an undivided heart that is fully committed to him (2 Chronicles 16:9). It is only with an undivided heart that we are able to be fully present and available to the plans he has uniquely created for us. When we give him our full attention, we are free from the distractions of this world.  This week, let’s pray for our kids to live with undivided hearts. Let’s pray for our children’s daily obedience, followed by a complete commitment to the Lord’s will and plan for their lives. Let’s pray they develop a trust so deep in their Savior that they rely on his faithfulness instead of trying to orchestrate and control the details of their days.  Join us on today’s podcast as we talk about King David and his journey to live with an undivided heart. Let’s pray that our kids’ commitment to Jesus isn’t overshadowed by the temptations to live in comfort, convenience, acknowledgment, and entitlement.Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“Only two industries call their customers users: illegal drugs and software.” —The Social Dilemma   Well now, that’s a quote that will stop you right in your social media-ridden tracks.    If you haven’t had a chance to watch Netflix’s new documentary, The Social Dilemma, let’s suffice it to say that the veil has been lifted on the ins and outs of social media algorithms and the impact it’s having on our lives. For me personally, it was eye-opening to see how manipulating and addiction-based social media has become, all in the name of buying our attention.    Sadly, it’s working!   Licensed psychologist, Dr. Ken Wilgus, is with us today on Pardon the Mess discussing this very topic. With a specialty in adolescents and families, he breaks down The Social Dilemma as it relates to our kids and provides practical advice on important next steps.   Some of the areas we cover include:   The most important take-aways from The Social Dilemma. Conversations we need to have with our kids relating to social media. The impact of technology during puberty, especially in our girls. Age-specific boundaries to set around social media with our kids (and ourselves).   This is an important conversation you don’t want to miss. There’s no need to be fearful, just informed and prepared.    Let’s do it together!Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

I’ve had the blessing of raising my kids with an incredible group of moms over the past ten years. We’ve weathered some really hard places together, while also enjoying some great successes. And I'm just so thankful the Lord has blessed me with friendships that are real and vulnerable. I am grateful for friends who are willing to fight for me and my family, when I’ve lacked my own will to fight.    We all want those friendships for our kids. We know and understand the differences they have made in our lives. This week, we’re praying our kids are blessed with friendships marked by an uncompromising faith and deep loyalty.    On today’s podcast, we talk about King David and his friendship with Nathan. Nathan was a friend who told David what he needed to hear, not just what he wanted to hear. He pointed him to the truth when David was living outside of God’s best. David and Nathan are a great reminder of why we want biblical friendships for our kids.    We’re praying this week for the relationships that will have the most influence on our kids’ lives. We are praying for the spouses, friends, pastors, and mentors who will pick them up when they fall down and build them up when they’re struggling.    Proverbs 27:9 says: “A sweet friendship refreshes the soul.” As you’re praying for your kids this week, take a minute to be thankful for the godly friendships in your own life. Remember to thank those who have shown you the truths of this Scripture.    I am so grateful to be praying for our kids together this school year. And I can’t wait to see the godly relationships the Lord has in store for them.Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How do you know when you’re hearing God? What’s the key to discerning his voice? If you’re anything like me, some days the loudest voice you hear is the one saying you need chips and queso—ASAP.   Thankfully, Alli Worthington joins us on Pardon the Mess today with a profound word on adversity and discerning God’s voice in the middle of it. When we learn to really hear from God, we are able to partner with him in the things he has planned for our lives.    I love her clarifying point: we aren’t called to spin our wheels figuring out our “purpose” in life. The Great Commission is clear, our days on earth are to be spent telling others about Jesus. But our calling is individual to each of us. And in order to obey our calling, we must discern God’s voice.    Don’t miss Alli’s five self-reflecting questions, guiding us to see if we’re truly hearing from God. Oh, and definitely, definitely don’t miss our discussion on letting our kids see us wrestle with God and refusing to sanitize God in their lives.    So much good stuff!   Thankful for each of you. I cannot wait for you to hear today’s podcast!Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“I would be content in life if I just had __________ (fill in the blank).” Ever felt that way? I know I have. And when you finally fill in the blank, it seems there’s always something else new that finds it way back into that empty blank.  Finding contentment in a culture that’s always chasing after the next big thing isn’t easy. It’s hard for us as adults. And it’s equally hard (or harder) for our kids. Given the right perspective, we can see that Christian contentment is far less about our possessions and far more an issue of the heart.  Paul gives us a great word on contentment in Philippians 4:11–13: For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. We’re reminded in this passage that contentment is learned. It’s a matter of choice and discipline. A key component in the learning process is being able to discern what has earthly versus eternal value. Contentment is found in fixing our eyes on what’s eternal.  Join us on today’s podcast as we talk about the life of David and how contentment (and times of discontent) marked his life. Let’s pray our kids have a life-long contentment, separate from what they do or don’t have physically on earth. And let’s pray that their contentment is rooted solely in Jesus. Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

I’m guessing there’s not one of us who couldn’t use a bit of practical parenting advice, considering all #2020 has thrown our way. Thankfully, Kendra Adachi is on Pardon the Mess today, and she’s bringing us just that! Kendra passionately and candidly speaks into how to stop doing it all, so that we can do the things that really matter. Her mantra is quite genius: Be a genius about what matters and lazy about what doesn’t.  Sign me up, right?  With her thirteen guiding principles, she helps us work through issues we all face in raising kids. She even “lazy geniuses” a struggle happening in my home with my preschooler.   Here are a few of my favorite takeaways:  Live in your season because it won’t last forever Name what matters and remove things that don’t support that Build the right routines Schedule rest by doing the thing that makes you feel most like yourself Oh, and be sure to check out all of Kendra’s lazy genius podcast episodes, including how to make her change-your-life chicken, how to shop at Costco, or how to start a hobby. She even told me how to “lazy genius” when cleaning my bathrooms. This girl has something for everyone! Keep up with Kendra on Facebook and follow her on Instagram at @thelazygenius You can also get Kendra's book, The Lazy Genius Way, here.Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Can you think of any early events that shaped your identity for better or worse?  I remember one formative experience when I was a senior in high school. I heard a girl tell our group of friends that the reason I was admitted to a particular college was because my parents had connections. I’m fairly brilliant (ha!), so it was clearly not true. But it was hurtful just the same.  I look back now and see how many of my decisions were made in response to that one careless comment. I wanted to prove to myself (and others) that I was good enough. It’s a small example with a big reminder. When we search for identity anywhere other than in the Word of God, we will be disappointed.  This week, we’re praying that our kids find their identity in Jesus, not in what others say about them. The world will tell them their worth is based on looks, talents, failures, and accomplishments. God’s Word refutes that by saying they are already his sons and daughters (Romans 8:15), fully known and accepted by God himself (Psalm 139:1–4).  Identity matters because it informs how we live our days. Join me in praying for our kids’ identity. Let’s pray that they will know they are valuable, loved, seen, and good enough—not because of who they are, but because of whose they are.Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

When it comes to parenting, working, praying, exercising—come to think of it, in most things—I find myself constantly running on empty. And I have a feeling I’m not alone.   We’re living in a time when it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and impatient. Thankfully, we have a Savior who wants us to live with freedom and peace. And he wants it so badly that he selflessly died so we might have abundant life. Don’t miss that truth—it’s life changing when you truly live in the freedom of it.   Pastor, author, and podcaster, Levi Lusko, joins us on Pardon the Mess to discuss our need to confront the pain, loss, and darkness in our lives. Only in acknowledging these hard places, can we find the complete peace and healing the Lord offers. More than that, God is faithful to use these hard places to do great things with our imperfect progress. There’s some hope we can all use today.   I always love having Levi on the podcast because he’s completely transparent and authentic. Today, he shares how his need for productivity became an idol. He also discusses how he battles with feelings of inadequacy as a father.   If for no other reason, don’t miss today’s podcast to hear me share one of my most embarrassing podcast moments. Sadly, it happened in an interview with Levi earlier this year.  Bless my heart.   Thanks for listening. I can’t wait to hear how you’re encouraged to “take back your life.”Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy