Pardon the Mess with Courtney DeFeo - Christian Motherhood, Biblical Parenting, Raising Christian Kids

When my son was about five-years-old he repeatedly urged me to say no to “rugs.” I was perplexed at his stance against floor coverings until I realized he was referring to drugs. Apparently he misunderstood a well-intentioned friends' advice on avoiding drug use—and it still makes me laugh today. But I digress.  This week is red-ribbon week in public schools and the perfect time for us to talk about the tough subject of drugs and addiction in our kids. Richard Capriola has great wisdom in this area from his work as a mental health and addiction counselor the last two decades, most recently at the Menninger Clinic in Houston.   Here are some of the important topics we cover in today’s show:  The drug(s) of choice for our teens today Signs of drugs and alcohol use in our kids What to do if you suspect drug/alcohol use in your child The difference in clinical addictions and process addictions Warning signs of self-harm Treatment options Encouragement for parents who are walking through addiction with their kids Please take time to listen to this important topic. If you’re like me, you may feel like it’s not relevant to your kids today or even that it’s a heavy subject you would rather avoid. But we don’t know what we don’t know about the future and who may need us to be knowledgeable in this area. So let’s do it together. Check out The Addicted Child book by Richard Capriola.Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

If David was named a man after God’s own heart yet still needed accountability, how much more do we need it in our own lives? That’s why we’re praying this week for our kids to have mentors and friends (i.e. Nathans) who point them to truth when their actions don’t line up with God’s word.   Accountability is not only important for our kids now, but also as they leave our homes one day and need truth spoken into their marriages, finances, and careers. It’s so easy to be influenced by the norms of our culture, making accountability incredibly important from people who will say what we need to hear and not always what we want to hear.    Only after Nathan confronted David about his sin with Bathsheba did David confess and repent making his relationship right with God. It was in the blind spots of his sin where God placed accountability in David’s life. It’s those same blindspots where we will be praying accountability for our kids both today and all of their days this side of heaven. Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

She needs no introduction yet I’ll give her one anyway. Sadie Robertson Huff is with us today and she blows me away every single time. Sadie is a Duck Dynasty daughter, speaker, podcaster, New York Times best-selling author, and now in her most important role . . . . a mom!   Sadie talks with us about the ups and downs of being a new mom while also balancing God’s public calling on her life. She shares her best advice on fighting anxiety and the reminder that every single thing we fear still bows down to Jesus.   I also love her philosophy on Instagram and the encouragement that Christians need to be in this space pointing people to Jesus. Suffice it to say that today’s show is an encouraging word for all of us raising kids in today’s culture, determined to show our kids how to follow God in the middle of the chaos.  Resources from today's show: Live On Purpose: 100 Devotions for Letting Go of Fear and Following God by Sadie Robertson Huff All The Feels for Teens by Elizabeth Laing Thompson Otter B Joyful by Pamela Kennedy Faithful Counseling Get started today and enjoy 10% off your first month. Discount code “pardonthemess"Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What we believe about ourselves informs virtually every aspect of our daily walk in this world and with Jesus. If we don’t continually ground our identity in the Lord, we begin searching for identity in the things of this world. Paul Tripp says it this way: “Identity amnesia leads to identity replacement.”  Join us this week as we not only pray identity over our kids, but also address some of the lies they believe about their value.  Here’s a few identity reminders as you get started praying over your kids:  You are valued- Matthew 6:26  You are forgiven- 2 Chronicles 7:15  You have hope- Exodus 14:14  You are known- Jeremiah 1:6  You have purpose- Ephesians 2:10  I can’t wait for us to spend a few minutes considering God’s word on identity and ways to remind our kids of who and whose they are.Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

It’s double fun today with Heather MacFadyen AND Kay Wyma joining us on Pardon the Mess.    Kay and I talk with Heather about her new book, Don’t Mom Alone, and all the reasons it’s critical we seek community as we raise our kids.    Some of my favorite topics we hit are: Ways to find our people and raise our kids in community  Why we struggle to let others in when life gets messy  Tying our worth to our kids’ performance The myth that there’s a “perfect Mom” formula    I’m so excited for Heather’s book that’s out THIS WEEK! So take a quick listen to our conversation and then go grab a copy so you “don’t mom alone” (see what I did there?). Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—it’s hard to think of a list of attributes our kids need more than those listed in Galatians 5:22–23.   Thankfully we’re spending this entire week praying the fruit of the spirit over our kids. As we do so, it’s important to remember that the fruit of the spirit isn’t something we’re simply hoping they will work harder to accomplish; but instead we’re praying it’s evident in their lives because the Holy Spirit is present and guiding them to live as God calls.   If you haven’t already, can I encourage you to memorize these verses this week? Even better, memorize them as a family. I’ve found so many times in my life that the scripture I’ve memorized naturally comes to mind at the perfect moments because I knew the verses, and the Holy Spirit directed me to their truths.   Thank you for praying with us each week! I’m overwhelmed by the response from parents just like you who want nothing more than kids who love and follow the Lord. These days matter and praying for our kids is significant. Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“I’ve been raised in a family where telling people about Jesus is as common as drinking water.”—Rachel Ruth Graham Lotz   If you’ve ever wondered about the legacy Billy Graham left for his family then the quote above pretty much says it all. I don’t know about you, but in my house there’s a lot of things happening as common as drinking water, but it’s not telling people about Jesus. 😫  Either way, I’m so honored to have Anne Graham Lotz (Billy Graham’s daughter) and Rachel-Ruth (Billy Graham’s granddaughter) joining us today on Pardon the Mess. I had the opportunity to hear Anne speak many years ago, and the authority and wisdom with which she spoke is still with me today.  Rachel-Ruth and Anne talk have some great insight for us today relating to:   The importance of being faithful in your highest place of influence The biggest faith challenges our kids will face in their lifetimes  Four critical facets for passing the baton of faith to our kids Walking the hard teenage years well as families  Anne and Rachel-Ruth also share practical ways to study the Bible, so be sure and check out the resources I’ve linked below. I can’t wait for you to hear this powerful conversation! Jesus Followers by Anne Graham Lotz and Rachel-Ruth Lotz Wright  Anne’s guide for studying the Bible  Anne’s website and other free resources    Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We’re a month into praying for our kids, and it’s not too late if you are just now jumping in! Each Monday morning we will pray an attribute of our faith over our kids with a short 10 minute podcast guiding us as we do it. It’s fast, it’s intentional, and it’s so important we cover our kids in prayer each day.  This week we’re praying for our kids to have self-control and . . . well—there ain’t a one of us who couldn't use a little bit more of it. For example, please refer back to a few weeks ago when my youngest ingested a magnet and a marble within a few weeks. Bless it child, self-control!  The thing about self-control is that it’s most noticeable when you don’t have it. And since our faith is typically displayed through our actions and not our words, self-control becomes pretty important in our daily lives. So this week we’ll be praying for our kids to have self-control in their words, friendships, dating relationships, electronics, marriages, finances, and everywhere in between.  Can’t wait to pray with you!Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How do we raise sons of courage and character? That’s the million dollar question we’re tackling today on Pardon the Mess.   Jon Tyson, Pastor of Church of the City New York, spent six years shaping, guiding, and mentoring his son from adolescence to adulthood believing intentionality was the key to raising Godly men in today’s culture. As a part of this journey with his son, he learned practical ways for fathers (also equally applicable to mothers) to shepherd their sons and maximize this pivotal time in their lives.  Yes, it all comes down to intentionality and discipleship which is why you’ll love his advice on doing it well even in the middle of our crazy schedules. And then there’s a pretty significant mic drop when Jon throws down some of the greatest parenting wisdom I’ve heard in a long time: A huge “yes” to raising our sons intentionally requires a million “noes” to the smaller things. (Gosh that’s something I wish I would have embraced a long time ago.)   Don’t miss our discussion on the shifts boys need to make between adolescence and adulthood and the absolute must of giving them our blessing before sending them off to do great things.   You’re going to love Jon Tyson, and I’m so grateful you’re with us today!Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

If anyone can appreciate the impact influencers have in our world today, it’s our kids. They are inundated with social media influencers telling them what to buy, how to look, and what to do in given situations. But despite the somewhat negative perception we may associate with our culture’s “influencers,” as Christians we are called have influence in our own circles and our kids are too.  Today we’re praying that our kids will visibly and authentically live out their faith, and in doing so draw others to him. It’s no coincidence that they are part of the teams, friend groups, and clubs they are in—it’s by design. So we’re praying that as they go about their days they will have influence through their words, conduct, love, faith, and purity (1 Timothy 4:12). Even though our kids will likely (hopefully) never have the influencer status of a Kardashian, we’re reminded that it’s the significance of the message not the size of the audience that matters. Let’s pray they are faithful influencers of the gospel message that our world so desperately needs.Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy