Pardon the Mess with Courtney DeFeo - Christian Motherhood, Biblical Parenting, Raising Christian Kids

Raise your hands if you are excited about talking with your teen about sexual integrity? Not me. These are hard, but necessary conversations we must have with our kids. I have the very best voices in this area, Jim Burns and Erin Mashaw, on the podcast today.In this episode, we discuss the complexities of parenting, particularly in relation to sexuality and communication. We talk about the importance of early education on sexual integrity, the challenges posed by the purity culture and the need for open dialogue between parents and children. The bottom line is our kids need a healthy and safe place to talk about their sexuality. As a parent, that can feel very scary. You will love these two and want to pick up their newest book - that gives you and your teen some language that will help. Our kids are all curious about sexuality and bombarded with messages that are far from biblical truth. Erin and Jim approach a tough topic with such love and grace. In this episode, we chat about:How to start conversations about sexuality early How purity culture created shame around sexualityUnderstanding curiosity and boundaries How to encourage dating in a way that fosters healthy relationshipsEnjoy!Courtney00:00Introduction to Parenting Challenges05:58The Importance of Early Education12:05The Scope of the New Book17:45Navigating Honesty in Parenting23:43Embracing Differences in Family Dynamics30:10The Long Game of ParentingConnect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoGet your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of FaithResources from today’s show:The Unbreakable Boy movieJim’s Organization - HomeWordConnect with JimConnect with ErinA Student’s Guide To Sexual Integrity -Erin and Jim’s new bookDoing Life With Your Adult Children with Jim BurnsAffresh for your laundryCourtney’s Amazon ListPardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.orgOur Sponsors:* Check out Avocado Green Mattress: https://www.avocadogreenmattress.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another” (1 Peter 4:10 NLT)One of our strong desires as parents is for our kids to find a place of belonging in the world. We want our kids to know that who they are and what they have to offer is important and valuable, and spiritual gifts are one of the ways God empowers us to find belonging and purpose in the world. Helping our kids discover and use their spiritual gifts well will help them see the bigger picture of how they fit into God’s kingdom. God made each and every one of our kids uniquely and he gave them all spiritual gifts. Some of these gifts are: teaching, serving, administration, hospitality, mercy, prayer, and more. Spiritual gifts are meant to be used to bring glory to God and using them becomes a testimony of how he has worked in our lives. This week let’s pray that as our kids follow the Lord, they discover their spiritual gifts, grow into them, and that they are presented with opportunities to use them to serve God’s kingdom. Let’s also ask God to help us recognize spiritual gifts in our kids and to share what we see with them. Dear God, thank you for the spiritual gifts that you have given ________________. Please reveal to me and to them what those gifts are and show us how you want to use these gifts to encourage others and bring others to Christ. Help them to start to see your purpose for them and to boldly use their gifts to please you! I know you will use them in mighty and awesome ways! Remind my child to value the gifts that you have given them over the things that this world values. Spiritual Gifts test mentioned in episode: https://www.lifeway.com/en/articles/women-leadership-spiritual-gifts-growth-serviceGet your printed copy of A Life of Faith: Prayer JournalPardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.orgOur Sponsors:* Check out Avocado Green Mattress: https://www.avocadogreenmattress.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This week’s episode is packed with insights and practical advice for navigating the complexities of parenting during the middle school years. I’m joined by Steph Thurling, and together we dive into balancing love, independence, and the continuous learning process of parenting.Here are four key takeaways from this episode:Parenting evolves as children grow, and middle school years often require creative ways to re-engage with your kids.  Allowing children to experience failure helps them develop responsibility and confidence.  Overparenting can hinder independence—parents should guide their children through problems, not shield them from them.  Self-care for parents is crucial to maintaining balance and avoiding guilt in the parenting journey.  Steph Thurling is the executive director of Christian Parenting and the host of the Christian Parenting podcast where she encourages parents every week to be the imperfectly perfect parent God created them to be. She is also an author, speaker, and advocate for empowering parents to create lasting family connections. I love working alongside Steph at Christian Parenting. She’s a delight and filled with wisdom and encouragement. Enjoy!Courtney (01:57) Navigating Parenting Stages(06:10) Engaging with Middle Schoolers(10:07) The Balance of Hovering and Letting Go(13:57) Preparing for Independence(18:02) Overparenting: Understanding the Roots(21:06) Navigating the Challenges of Letting Go in Parenting(24:35) The Importance of Self-Care and Mom Guilt(26:54) Recognizing Red Flags in Parenting Dynamics(28:54) Practical Strategies to Avoid Over-Parenting(31:37) Embracing Independence and Building Confidence in Kids(34:49) The Balance of Love and Guidance in ParentingConnect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoGet your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of FaithResources from today’s show:Christian Parenting PodcastPardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.orgOur Sponsors:* Check out Avocado Green Mattress: https://www.avocadogreenmattress.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9)Confession is not something that we are typically very comfortable with. No one likes to admit when they do something wrong, especially when it’s something hurtful or will cause someone to feel disappointed in them. Confessing is vulnerable, it’s revealing, and sometimes it’s just downright embarrassing. But like it or not, confession is part of following Jesus.But when we bring our sins to God we can be assured that he will forgive us. He will make our transgressions as far from us as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). God wants to forgive us!In his steadfast love and compassion, Jesus forgives our sins and forgets our transgressions when we confess them. When we start to feel ashamed or guilty, we can remind ourselves that Christ died for that sin too. There is nothing we can do or say that will make God love us less or love us more. He just simply loves us!Accepting forgiveness requires action from us, though. First, we must confess and then turn from our sin. In John 8, Jesus forgives the woman who was committing adultery, but as he forgives her, he tells her to, “go and sin no more,” (verse 11). Second, we must forgive others. God expects his followers to forgive each other just as he forgave them (Ephesians 4:32).Confessing our sins is our get-to and should be a regular part of our faith! There is freedom that can be found in confessing our sins regularly, so let’s pray that our kids experience that freedom and experience a desire to confess to God.Father God, you are faithful to forgive our sins. I pray that __________ would understand the gift of confession and forgiveness. May your Holy Spirit stir up in them a heart to know you better, a spirit of conviction, and a desire to make things right with you. May ________ always remember that there is no condemnation for those who believe, but in you there is freedom. Amen.Get your printed copy of A Life of Faith: Prayer JournalPardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.orgOur Sponsors:* Check out Avocado Green Mattress: https://www.avocadogreenmattress.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my church and pastor? Ron and I feel really grateful that we found a home at Compass Church. Drew Sherman (lead pastor at Compass) and his amazing wife Michelle are on the podcast today. It all started with a sermon that he preached at the beginning of the year that was SO GOOD! Even Larson remarked that it was her favorite sermon he has ever done. We are talking about the idea or the issue of: CONSISTENCY. And more specifically, how can we be consistent in our spiritual growth (for us and the kids).It’s so easy to have huge dreams and ideas at the start of a year only to find yourself failing again and tossing your hands up. From physical goals to reading goals to financial goals - staying consistent can be the hardest part. The same is true for our spiritual goals as a family. Drew and Michelle share 4 very practical ways we can all grow in our consistency.When he talks he gives us a sincere caution: as a pastor, he is often seeing parents with seriously high (unrealistic) goals for their kids. Don’t miss his encouragement and warning about exhausting our kids and being fixated on goals that don’t matter as much as their walk with Jesus. As he says, “Don't miss the ride and the journey!”In this episode, we chat about:Why “consistency” matters for our spiritual growthEmbracing small steps that will lead to lasting change How to model faith and values in our homesHow a grace-filled environment allows for mistakesEnjoy!Courtney Chapters00:00Introduction and Connection05:03The Importance of Declaring Intentions10:01Consistency as a Catalyst for Change14:58Starting Small in Spiritual Growth20:04Overcoming the Urge to Give Up27:29Navigating Distractions in Modern Parenting35:12Cherishing Small Moments in Family LifeConnect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoGet your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of FaithResources from today’s show:Compass ChurchDrew’s sermon on CONSISTENCYLandon’s sermon on RESPONSIBILITY (mentions manifesting)Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.orgOur Sponsors:* Check out Avocado Green Mattress: https://www.avocadogreenmattress.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be” (Matthew 6:21 NLT)Most of us make it a priority to teach our little kids the difference between wants and needs. “No, you don’t need a new Lego set, you want a new Lego set.”“I know you don’t want to help clean the house, but you need to.”Owning things and wanting things is not a bad thing in itself. What is bad is putting those things before following God. Jesus tells us very clearly that we cannot serve two Gods, meaning we cannot serve both God and money (Matthew 6:24). Instead of focusing our minds and hearts on all the things that money can buy, we are to focus our minds and hearts on the greatest gift that money cannot buy: Jesus and his kingdom. This is so hard in our current influencer society, where you can't use your phone without feeling like you need to buy something or compare yourself to someone else, and it starts young!This week let’s pray that our kids focus their hearts on things that are eternal instead of temporary. Let’s pray that they follow God by putting their energy into what God has for them instead of what the world tells them will make them happy and fulfilled.Father God, you gave us everything when you gave us the gift of salvation through Jesus. I pray for ___________________. I pray that they store up treasures in heaven, that they fix their eyes on the unseen things that honor and bring glory to you Lord, not on the things of this earth. When they are tempted to idolize material things, give them the strength to see past the temptation and recenter themselves on the things that matter most. Amen.Get your printed copy of A Life of Faith: Prayer JournalPardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.orgOur Sponsors:* Check out Avocado Green Mattress: https://www.avocadogreenmattress.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Are you raising athletes? Are you struggling with how to best support them? Are you thinking about how their faith impacts their sport - or informs their sport? We have two experts today on the podcast, Elisabeth and Sarah Hasselbeck - both are wives of former NFL players and moms of D1 athletes. Listen to this episode with the entire family. Maybe sports is a place of disagreement in your family and this could open up some healthy dialogue with your spouse and children. Sarah and Elisabeth share such practical tips for you as you parent your athletes.Don’t miss the end when both Sarah and Elisabeth share about the bigger picture of parenting. They take a moment to give heartfelt wisdom and encouragement for all parents (not just those with athletes)! I am so thankful for these two ladies and the legacy of faith their family is leaving in the sports community. In this episode, we discuss:The Hasselbeck family and their history of sports and faith Parental involvement in sports How to make faith the highest priority in your homeHow to help your athletes face setbacks and disappointments I have a feeling this will be one of your favorite episodes of the year.Much love,Courtney(Former mediocre dancer who wanted to be a Rockette or Janet Jackson) (02:55) The Hasselbeck Dynasty: Sports and Faith(05:53) Navigating Parental Involvement in Sports(08:57) Lessons from Competitive Parenting(11:58) Managing Expectations and Financial Burdens in Sports(19:00) Navigating Sports and Family Commitments(20:07) Faith and Sports: A Family Perspective(23:04) The Role of Identity in Sports(26:01) Encouragement for Moms in Sports(27:50) Trusting God's Plan for Our Kids(32:00) The Importance of Great CoachingConnect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoGet your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of FaithResources from today’s show:Connect with ElisabethElisabeth’s newest book - God’s MasterpieceConnect with Sarah Annabelle Hasselbeck’s Podcast - What’s UpFamily Meeting GuidePardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.orgOur Sponsors:* Check out Avocado Green Mattress: https://www.avocadogreenmattress.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it’” (Matthew 16:24–25)Denying ourselves might involve taking an inventory of those things we hold more important than God. This might mean choosing between two good things, doing something we don’t really want to do, or giving something up. Mostly, denying ourselves means leaving behind a sinful life and walking with Jesus every day. This doesn’t always sound appealing, especially to a kid. But Jesus promises us that when we surrender our lives over to him, he will give us life and life to the full (John 10:10). This is the slow process of sanctification—or being made holy. We can’t do it ourselves, we need Jesus.So while our kids may naturally think of themselves first (let’s be real, we often do too), the truth is, there is something bigger than our kids that is worth following, and that is Jesus. So this week, let’s pray that as our kids grow, they learn to deny themselves and their earthly desires and choose to follow Jesus.Jesus, you are the king of our hearts and lives. I pray that ______________ chooses to be your disciple and that they always know that the world is not about them and there is freedom in that, release them from the pressure of that. May they evaluate their focus and, with your help and strength, be sanctified to you as they deny themselves, turn from sin, and follow you. Amen.Get your printed copy of A Life of Faith: Prayer JournalPardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.orgOur Sponsors:* Check out Avocado Green Mattress: https://www.avocadogreenmattress.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Niro Feliciano, a psychotherapist and mom of four, brings her expertise in dopamine deficit to discuss its effects on family dynamics. She shares insights on the impact of technology on children's emotional health and offers practical strategies for managing screen time. Niro emphasizes grace in parenting, encouraging parents to avoid guilt and instead focus on making positive changes. Her discussions on recognizing symptoms of dopamine deficit and fostering healthy tech habits are particularly vital for parents navigating their teens' mental well-being.

“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me—just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep” (John 10:14–15)Throughout scripture, Jesus is referred to not just as a good shepherd, but as the good shepherd. On top of all the things mentioned above, Jesus would and will lay down his life for his sheep. Not only that, but the good shepherd cares so deeply for every single sheep that he will leave the 99 to chase down one. In Luke 15, a shepherd leaves his entire flock to find one lost sheep, and when he does, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and calls all his neighbors together to have a party for his lost sheep who is now found (verses 5–6).Jesus laid down his life for your kids. Jesus loves your kids so much that if they stray, he will not forget about them. They may seem lost to you, but they are not lost to Jesus. When they decide to return, he will rejoice over them and there will be a party in heaven! Let’s pray our kids will surrender their lives to Jesus, follow the good shepherd always, and trust his care over their lives.Lord, you are the good shepherd. I pray that ______________ puts their trust in you and decides to follow you. May they always know that they can run to you when they are afraid, overwhelmed, or don’t know what to do. And may they always know that if they stray, you will be waiting for their joyful return! Amen.Get your printed copy of A Life of Faith: Prayer JournalPardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.orgOur Sponsors:* Check out Avocado Green Mattress: https://www.avocadogreenmattress.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy