Pardon the Mess with Courtney DeFeo - Christian Motherhood, Biblical Parenting, Raising Christian Kids

David Thomas never disappoints! As a counselor with decades of experience, David has counseled thousands of families of boys. He brings powerful insight, practical tips, and heartfelt encouragement. You may be wondering if you are failing at this parenting thing or if there might be something wrong with your son. After this episode, I think you will feel much better about your parenting and your amazing son. David agrees with the assessment that there is a “boy crisis” happening, as this article suggests. Reach out to us on social media - do you agree? Are you seeing “disinterest” in your son’s world too?My biggest takeaway is when David distinguishes between “hard” and “harmful.” I have daughters - but I needed to hear this encouragement. Too often, I help them escape hard things because I believe they are in harm’s way when they are not. Many times, my kids are pushing back against discomfort and you’ll hear how this is needed and actually good for them.This is one of those episodes you need to listen to, file away, save, listen again, and then discuss with a friend. Do not lose hope! Jesus has you and your kiddos. I’m so thankful he brings us so many wonderful and biblical mentors like David Thomas to help guide us through these parenting challenges. Don’t miss the last part when David reminds us that we have an opportunity and many years left to equip, empower and encourage all the kids we love.Connect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:Dr. Anthony Bradley article about boy crisis Daystar Counseling Raising Boys and Girls InstagramRaising Boys and Girls Podcast Raising Emotionally Strong Boys (for parents)Strong and Smart (guide for boys)Babbleland Breakout- Dead Sea SquirrelsOur Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” —Ephesians 4:32 Compassion is one of the defining characteristics of God. He’s sympathetic to our struggles and burdened by what burdens us. But, even more than simply feeling compassion and sympathy toward us emotionally, his compassionate nature moves him to act on our behalf. This compassion turned to action is most evident when we consider the cross. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). That’s the overwhelming grace behind a compassionate God working all things for the good of his children.  If compassion is central to the gospel, what should it look like in our lives? Henri Nouwen describes it this way: “Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into the places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish. Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears. Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless.” As we pray compassion for our kids this week, we’re praying that it’s more than a fleeting emotion. Rather, we’re praying that it’s evident in their actions. Pray that they stand up for the vulnerable, fight for the oppressed, and are intolerant of injustices around them. Lord, your word calls us to have compassion and love for others. Please give [name] a compassionate heart to see the things that burden you and a spirit of determination to help others in whatever way you lead. Slow us down and give us discernment to see the needs around us and not to tolerate the things that break your heart. God’s word speaks:1 Peter 3:8; 2 Corinthians 1:3–4; Colossians 3:12; Lamentations 3:22–23Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Happy New Year!!!Do you love the reset that comes with a New Year or does it stress you out? Either way, I think you’re going to find this conversation refreshing. It’s simple. It’s practical. And very doable.On Pardon The Mess, we talk a lot about being intentional with our families. We talk about our values and how we are going to instill those into our kids. The truth is that all of that takes time and money - which is not an endless pot. I wish it wouldn’t run out. As we begin the year, let’s hear from my friend Shawna Sullivan on some ways we can stop wasting time and money. And then, print her simple guide called “Make It Count” and just spend a few minutes thinking ahead through the year. My favorite part is when she encourages us to cut the mindless spending. She calls it a “slow leak.” I am so so guilty of this and I do think it would help our budget a ton if I’d cut the slow leak (also known as TJ Maxx).You will not feel judged or shamed in this episode. You will feel encouraged to make some small shifts to steward your time and money more wisely this year. Connect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:Connect with Shawna on Instagram ShawnaSullivan.comFree Download - "Make It Count" Babbleland Breakout- Dead Sea SquirrelsOur Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.”—John 17:17Sadie Robertson Huff has said that when she went to her mom for advice during struggles in her teenage years, her mom would always “meet her with Jesus”Meeting our kids with Jesus just might be the most significant thing we can do in our kids’ lives. Satan is the father of lies, looking for ways to misguide and deceive us at every turn. Only in Jesus will we find real truth, especially in a culture that rejects absolute truth.Jesus, you are the truth that overcomes the lies of the Enemy and shines light in the darkness. Help my family to identify the lies we’re believing, replacing them with the truth of your word. Give [name] an increasing understanding of who you are and your great love for them. Fill our families with hope, joy, and truth that comes only from you.God's word speaks: Psalm 119:151; John 14:6; 2 Timothy 3:16; John 10:10Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Happy New Year!!! Let’s take a big sigh together. The New Year can be intense and overwhelming right out of the gate. I don’t know if you’re entering 2024 with a lot of shame or excitement. This episode is such a breath of fresh air that made me feel hopeful.I did this interview live at my church (Compass Church Colleyville) when Ruth was the guest speaker at our Christmas women’s event. It was so fun to do this in person and get to meet and sit with someone I have long admired.You will sense PEACE when you hear from Ruth. She just oozes truth and encouragement that we all need in our lives. We have some fun and also discuss some parenting tips along the way. When a mom of 6 BOYS speaks up, I listen.My favorite part is how she provides a way to read the Bible. A lens we can have to simply get to know the character of God with every moment we’re in His Word. For many years, I think I looked for me in the story and left feeling really discouraged and not enough. When we look for God instead - it can be a game changer in how we encounter our Heavenly Father.Connect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:Connect with RuthRuth’s latest book, PilgrimPre-Order Ruth’s next book, Now and Not YetRuth’s jeweler, Mud Lowery Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” —Psalm 90:12 Every seasoned parent knows how quickly time passes when you’re in the throes of raising kids. It seems like one day they’re toddlers and the next day you’re visiting colleges. Despite being cautioned that “the days are long, but the years are short,” it’s still hard to appreciate how fast it passes until you’re on the other side looking back. As we start a new year, it’s a great time for our families to remember to number our days because time is fleeting. Counting our days is not meant to be mathematical, but missional. It’s living today as if you have no tomorrow. It’s making the most of every God-given opportunity, knowing that missed opportunities are often our greatest regrets. David understood the brevity of life when he wrote, “You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure” (Psalm 39:5). As we pray for our kids to number their days, ask the Lord to give them the wisdom to evaluate every decision and opportunity through the lens of eternity. Lord, you are the God of the past, present, and future. We claim your promise that for every good work you begin in our kids, you will carry it to the point of completion. Please impress upon [name] the importance of numbering their days, knowing there is nothing more important or significant than the plans you have for them in this moment.God’s word speaks: Psalm 39:4; Ephesians 5:15; James 4:14–15; Psalm 144:4Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

I am so excited about this month’s episodes. They are designed to be lighthearted and very practical - like we all sat down and had coffee. Today, we are headed into a chat about simplifying our style and skin care with two of my besties.Get fired up for some lighthearted banter about jeans, winter shoes, budget ideas, places to shop, aging skin care, drugstore favorites and much more. I hope you will feel practically equipped and slightly amused with our real life friend chat. Heidi is a pastor and extraordinary leader in our town. Our families do life together on the regular. She’s one of the very first friends I met here in TX. Lindsay is a Bible teacher and woman of many talents. She is the best party planner I know and loves to celebrate her people so often. She has scooped up my girls on many occasions and loves them so well. My favorite part is at the end when you get a pep talk from each of them. They do care for themselves and have fun with style and skin - but it is not the main thing. They remind us that our worth never lies with our physicality. These two radiate from the inside. Everytime I am with them, I feel so seen. Their smile, their hugs and their sincere interest in me is something I want to emulate. That kind of beauty is not sold at drugstores or Nordstrom. It’s cultivated after a lifetime of pursuing Jesus and living out their faith.Connect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:Heidi’s Birkenstock ClogsHeidi’s eye creamHeid’s Vitamin C SerumLindsay’s Elta MD tinted moisturizerLindsay’s MoisturizerLindsay’s Facial ScrubLindsay’s Exfoliating Cleanser Fab Fit FunNuulyCourtney’s legendary shoe clipsYour gift by December 31 DOUBLES to equip more parents in 2024!Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“‘The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel’ (which means ‘God with us’).” —Matthew 1:23 When I was growing up, my family had a beautiful Christmas nativity in our living room that had been hand-painted by my grandmother. I remember the meticulously adorned kings, the elegant white angel, and the pristine animals more fit for a banquet than a barn. It would have met anyone’s definition of the perfect nativity set except for one thing: we lost baby Jesus. This was quite the conundrum since it wasn’t something a quick trip to Hobby Lobby could remedy. But, even without Jesus, my mom continued to display her nativity because the significance behind my grandmother’s handmade gift meant more than the splendor of a perfect nativity set. Christmas is full of pretty decorations, sparkly lights, and all the things that make this time of year special. But, much like my mom’s choice to continue displaying our nativity set, we’re praying that our kids grasp the significance behind the splendor as we celebrate Jesus’ birth. The significance comes in praying for a faith like Mary, who was willing to say yes even when it didn’t make sense. Or learning to walk in obedience like Joseph, who did the God-ordained things, not just the easy ones. It’s going any distance to meet Jesus like the wise men did. It’s approaching him like the lowly shepherds, in complete awe and wonder of the newborn King. Pray this week that our kids don’t just see Christmas for all of its splendor but live marked by the significance of Jesus’ birth and the message of the nativity.  Lord, allow the significance of the nativity to mark our kids as we celebrate your birth. Give [name] the faith of Mary, the obedience of Joseph, and the awe and reverence of the shepherds. Strip away the splendor of a secularized Christmas, showing our family the deep love you showed by coming to earth as a baby. God’s word speaks: Luke 2; Isaiah 9:6; John 1:14; Luke 2:14Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Tara Leigh Cobble, founder of The Bible Recap, shares her insights on navigating the overwhelming experience of reading the Bible. She emphasizes that investing just 20 minutes a day can transform your relationship with scripture. Tara recounts her journey from disillusionment to devotion, revealing how a shift in perspective led her to love God more deeply. With relatable anecdotes and encouragement, she inspires parents to build faith within their families, making Scripture accessible and engaging for the New Year.

“But the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.’” —Luke 2:10 The odds are pretty good that you will sing “Joy to the World” at a Christmas service this season. It’s a classic Christmas carol with a great reminder of why we have joy. Joy to the world, the Lord is come!Let earth receive her King! These simple words explain the reason for our joy as Christians: Jesus has come. But how do we live with joy in a world with such real suffering?  Max Lucado talks about two different types of joy: contingent joy and courageous joy. Contingent joy is based on our circumstances and how things are going in life. Courageous joy is based in Jesus and is with us no matter what we’re facing.  Contingent joy focuses on the situational; courageous joy focuses on the eternal. Joni Eareckson Tada is an author, speaker, and artist who was paralyzed as a teenager as a result of a diving accident. She says her joy comes from knowing that “God permits what he hates to accomplish what he loves.” She’s focused on the eternal. Joy is one of the attributes the world sees in us and doesn’t understand; it’s a great testimony, especially when it’s displayed in the hard places of life. Let’s pray for our kids to be marked by joy, not just at Christmas but at all times, because it’s not based on today but eternity.  Joy to the world, the Lord has come! Jesus, you are the reason we have joy. In complete humility, you came to earth as a baby, to pay the price for our sins so that we might live eternally. Reveal in [name] a joy that’s rooted not in their circumstances but in you alone. God’s word speaks: Philippians 4:4; Psalm 118:24; 1 Thessalonians 5:16–18; Romans 12:12Our Sponsors:* Check out Everyday Dose and use my code MESS for a great deal: https://everydaydose.com* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy