Pardon the Mess with Courtney DeFeo - Christian Motherhood, Biblical Parenting, Raising Christian Kids

Comedian Michael Jr went from living in his car to one of the most influential and talented comedians in the country. In fact, he used to open the show for Jerry Seinfeld and went on to headline his own shows. He is now sharing the stage with his wife, Ebony, as they focus on strengthening marriages across the country.This engaging couple shares many great pieces of wisdom and insight during our episode, but I really enjoyed how they speak about conflict. It’s so easy to avoid conflict at all costs. They encourage us to utilize conflict for the greatness of marriage My favorite part (or least favorite) was when Michael Jr. asked me to share honestly about a recent disagreement I had with Ron. He went through the list of the fruit of the Spirit to see how I was handling a specific situation. And I bombed his test. It was embarrassing, but really challenged me on how I handle conflict. I love their hearts for marriage. They have a passion to remind couples that marriage is GOOD and it does work.In this episode, we discuss:How easy it is to drift in marriage when kids are in the homeHow to keep your marriage a priority and intentionally connectHow to utilize conflict instead of avoiding itChapters00:00Introduction and Family Background04:04Letting Go and Trusting God with Our Children08:54Faith as a Consistent and Visible Part of Family Life23:53Merging Talents to Help Couples Find Joy in Marriage29:19Revealing Areas of Freedom Through ConflictConnect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:Funny How Marriage WorksAssessment for your conflict resolution Emotions WheelFunny How Marriage Works TourOur Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Happy almost Summer!! I am delighted to share the story of Sarah Harmeyer and her love for gathering neighbors. You will be so fascinated by her story of creating a table and setting out to have people over. Over time, she hosted thousands of people just one night at a time. She absolutely inspired me to get back out there and invite folks to my home. You will be inspired and motivated and so very touched how God used Sarah’s life to start a movement called “Neighbor’s Table.” He took a nudge in her heart and kept expanding it across the country.My favorite part was at the end when we talked about her current living situation with her aging father. She is so tender and so gracious with his walk with Alzheimers. I pray that I handle my own parents with such care and compassion one day.In this episode we chat about: How a simple dinner party created a movementWhy your neighbors need community What an invitation can do for an individualHow we can preach less and simply love moreHow to care for aging parents with compassionChapters00:00Introduction and Catching Up10:01Stories of Love and Connection Around the Table22:59Building Relationships with New Neighbors and Introducing Sarah's Dad27:02Caring for Aging Parents with Love and Compassion30:53Closing Remarks and Action ItemsConnect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:Sarah’s InstagramNeighbor’s TableInvite Sarah to SpeakTable Talk Questions - source Close To My HeartKindness Diaries with LeonLeon LogothetisGod’s Holy Spirit in Me kid’s devotionalOur Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” —Matthew 28:19–20 We’ve spent this school year praying for our kids to be marked by the things of God. We’ve prayed that they live with integrity, confidence, generosity, endurance, and much more. But these are nothing more than admirable qualities if they aren’t used for God’s kingdom purposes. Before Jesus ascended to heaven, he gave us our mission. He told us to go and make disciples, sharing the story of his grace and love. The Great Commission is our central mission. The same is true for our kids. We’re God’s Plan A for spreading the gospel. There’s no backup plan, there’s no contingency, and there’s nobody else to tag in for our spot. But it all starts at home. It happens in the seemingly insignificant moments of reading Bible stories to our toddlers and the really hard places of pointing them to Jesus on the heels of their biggest mistakes and greatest obstacles. Please let us never underestimate the significance of our jobs as moms and dads, discipling our kids to share the gospel to the next generation. Let’s wrap up this school year by praying that our kids will be marked by the mission of Jesus, doing it with truth, discipline, purity, and every other characteristic of God we’ve prayed over them this year. Lord, thank you for the gift of my children and the privilege of praying over them this school year. Please mark their lives with a determination to fulfill the mission you created for them before they were ever born. Give [name] the wisdom to pursue you every day and a spirit of urgency in following your plans for their life. God’s word speaks: 1 Peter 2:9; Mark 16:15; 1 Peter 3:15; Ecclesiastes 12:13–14Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

When our children hurt (emotionally or physically), we simply hurt. One of the hardest jobs as a parent is to discern when to step in and when to let them live through hard seasons. I am so thrilled to introduce you to my very own therapist, Dr. Cassie Reid. Cassie has counseled me and my own children through many seasons. It’s taken me years to find a good fit and I am beyond thankful for her wisdom and direction for our family. It is not always clear if our kids are just being kids - or if they are really struggling internally. Listen in as Cassie and I chat about the challenges that come our way as parents. She shares many practical recommendations for us parents. My favorite part is when she talks about the expectations we have for our kids. She challenges us to look inward and really work on ourselves and our own healing journey. She shares how our unrealistic expectations can start to produce extra pressure and anxiety and how to look out for that scenario in our homes. In this episode we chat about: When to see a therapist or counselorWhy counseling is so important for families Two pieces of advice for parents that she wishes we all knewChapters:00:00Introduction and Personal Connection01:36Dr. Cassie Reed's Background and Passion08:35Recognizing the Need for Professional Help10:06Finding Affordable Therapy Options12:55The Impact of Parental Anxiety on Children14:36Setting Boundaries and Recognizing Age-Appropriate Behavior22:26Setting Boundaries and Creating Space for Children23:49Managing Expectations and Apologizing to Children26:19The Impact of Technology on Children's Mental Health27:10Navigating Issues of Gender and Sexual Preferences as Christian Parents29:04Dr. Cassie Reid's Work in Spiritual Abuse Prevention and HealingConnect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:CassieReid.comCassie’s InstagramChurch Rehab by Dr. Cassie ReidCome HomeGod’s Holy Spirit in Me kid’s devotionalMy Daddy’s HeroOur Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, ‘Thus far the Lord has helped us.’” —1 Samuel 7:12The Israelites were in desperate need of a victory against the Philistines. Just as they were convincing themselves it was a lost cause, Samuel cried out to God and received an answer in the form of deafening thunder that scared away the enemy and secured an Israelite victory.Orthodox battle move? No. God protecting his people? Absolutely.No sooner than they finished their victory lap, Samuel stopped everyone in their tracks to make a critical point. He grabbed a stone as a memorial and named it Ebenezer, translated as “the Lord has helped us to this point.”Samuel knew their battle win was significant from a tactical perspective, but he also knew the more significant win was the reminder that God had protected them in the past and he’d just done it again.Our kids need the same reminder today that Samuel gave way back then: The God who has taken care of us up to this point will do it again. He is faithful and trustworthy. What are the Ebenezers in your family? Where do you need to start laying down stones as reminders to your family that God’s faithfulness in the past shows he’s trustworthy for the future? Lord, remind us to always pass down the stories of your faithfulness. Mark [name] with a good memory of your provision, giving them confidence to trust your heart when they can’t see your hand. Help us to celebrate the places where you’ve given us victory, making a lasting memorial of your faithfulness for generations to come. God’s word speaks: Deuteronomy 7:9; 2 Thessalonians 3:3; Lamentations 3:22–23; Psalm 86:15Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

If you are a parent, you know the feeling of just “making it through” each day. So often, we want more for our lives. However, we feel stuck and are not sure how to do that when there are children depending on us every day.My guest this week, Farrell Mason, shares about a time when she felt that her life was running her ragged. She decided to do something about how she lived her one precious life. She took action to create a more soulful life in the midst of raising six kids. Farrell Mason is a minister, a mom, a wife and a beautiful writer. She has a passion for standing with others in the midst of their hardest moments in life.  My favorite part is towards the end when Farrell offers very practical suggestions on how to love others well. She is so passionate about caring for yourself as a mom, but also leaning into simple ways we can care for our neighbors. You won’t feel guilt or more pressure to perform - you will feel seen and inspired to lean into more for your life.In this episode we chat about: How to live this one life wellHow to push against busy and impossibly full schedulesHow to pay attention to what your soul craves How to help your hurting friends Enjoy!Connect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:Farrell’s Site - Bread and HoneyFarrell’s new book: SoulfullCome HomeChapters:00:00Introduction and Connection09:50Living a Full Life and the Importance of Time16:22Commitment to Intentional Living32:21Finding Hope in Difficult TimesOur Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” —Philippians 2:3–4 We’re raising kids in a culture that basks in recognition and praise, making it difficult to strike the balance of teaching our kids to be confident in their God-given identity while also exuding a humble spirit. Humility is not ignoring their giftings, but it’s teaching them to be willing to use them in a way that draws attention to the Giver of the gift rather than the gift itself. Humility is also not a call to raise silent or passive kids. Rather, it’s teaching them a quiet and meek spirit before God. Jesus is the perfect model of humility. He came to earth in the form of a baby and lived a blameless life so he could die on the cross and give us new life. He more than deserved recognition and acknowledgment for his heavenly status, yet he chose to demonstrate humility because of his commitment to the Father’s will and the larger gospel story. He was righteously indignant when necessary but gentle and loving in leading his flock. We’re praying this week for our kids to humbly serve others, admitting their mistakes, and recognizing that all praise and glory belongs to the Lord as the giver of all good gifts (James 1:17). Let’s also ask the Lord to guide them in being passionate and outspoken when appropriate, but also disciplined enough to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19). Lord, you’re the perfect model of living humbly while making a kingdom impact on those around you. Give [name] a spirit of humility and the desire to bring you glory, even when it comes with no acknowledgment. Help them to honor others above themselves and to live in your confidence so they don’t need praise or acceptance from others. God’s word speaks: Ephesians 4:2; Romans 12:16; James 4:10; Colossians 3:12Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Do you have regrets as a parent? We all do! I have a long list myself. I thought it would be encouraging and super helpful for me to share just a few of my own regrets in the last 17 years of parenting. I asked Kari Kampakis to share her own regrets in this podcast episode. I have always loved Kari’s relatable and authenticity as a writer, podcaster and speaker. When I read her encouragement for moms - I feel like she has read my mind. She has a real gift for walking with moms so that we feel so seen. When you encounter Kari, you feel uplifted and equipped but never condemned or shamed. My favorite part is when she shares about how to love strong-willed children well. She shares a powerful story of how her husband approached her strong-willed daughter vs her approach. There’s such humility that pours from Kari when she speaks. It gives us all the permission to be honest about our mistakes. And to have the courage to pivot as we discover a better way. In this episode we chat about: Raising strong-willed kidsHow to decide if you should have another childHow to make health a priority in your home from the start00:00Introduction and Getting to Know Each Other06:21Parenting the Heart vs. Focusing on Behavior13:05Finding Joy in Every Season of Parenthood29:39Trusting God to Fill in the Gaps in Parenting35:56Delaying Cell Phone Use and Monitoring Social MediaConnect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:KariKampakis.comKari’s book: Love Her WellKari’s book: More Than a MomOur Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The podcast discusses the importance of endurance in the Christian life, drawing parallels to running a marathon. They explore how endurance is built through daily time with God and seeking discipleship. Special guest Dorina Gilmore-Young shares her perspective as a widow, mom, and track coach, focusing on how endurance is developed in kids through trials. The conversation encourages challenging kids to run well and finish strong in their faith journey.

Pardon the Mess is sponsored by BetterHelp.Are you struggling with where your child should go to school? This common fear and worry can grip us all. We want so desperately to make the right choice for each of our kids. It can also be confusing when your friends all have different opinions on the matter or maybe your spouse is in disagreement with your plan. You will feel extremely encouraged by today’s episode with Terry Ann Kelly. She has practical advice for these decisions as well as grounding truths to calm our hearts. She is a grandmother, wife and mom and has many years of experience with schools. As the founder of Students Standing Strong, she has seen first hand that God can do anything with any child and any school.My favorite part is the story she shares about her son at the end. It is so refreshing to hear a very personal example of how God can use each of our kids in the most powerful ways at school every day. In this episode we chat about: How to seek God in tough school decisionsHow to bring your faith into the public school settingHow to call your kiddos higher in loving their classmatesEnjoy!Connect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:Students Standing StrongMoms, Dads, and Grads Gift GuidePardon the Mess is sponsored by BetterHelp.Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy