Pardon the Mess with Courtney DeFeo - Christian Motherhood, Biblical Parenting, Raising Christian Kids

I am still thinking about this episode and this thought-provoking conversation with Jen Wilkin. I wish I could bribe every single one of you (and your spouse and small group) to listen to this episode. Jen is a self-taught theologian that speaks about the Bible and Christianity in a way that we can all understand. I believe you will be motivated to dive into your Bible and engage in more conversations about it. She challenges us to go beyond the one-way conversation that is Sunday morning and sermons. I learned so much from her breakdown of common misconceptions about faith and theology. My favorite part is towards the end during our discussion on parenting and faith. Her answers gave me some freedom and a sigh of relief. She also gave some very practical ways we can start the conversation of faith and Jesus with our little ones.In this episode, we discuss:What is theology and Bible literacy and why is it importantWhat is the benefit of learning the Bible for ourselves Why community and conversations propel us faster and furtherWhy it’s crucial to model faith conversations for our kidsConnect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:Jen Wilkin’s siteJen’s podcastWomen of the WordYou are a TheologianRegister for Camp WinShapeOur brand-new Scripture Affirmation CardsOur Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.’” —Matthew 16:24–25 “I Surrender All” is a classic hymn that gained notoriety when Rev. Billy Graham began using it as the invitation song during his revivals. The words have such a great message for walking with Jesus: All to Jesus I surrender, all to him I freely give;I will ever love and trust him, in his presence daily live.I surrender all, I surrender all,All to thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all. Surrender is the antithesis of trying to “work” our way into a right relationship with God. A surrendered life allows the Spirit of God to enter into us, shaping us into something greater than we could be on our own.  The first and most significant act of surrender we can pray over our kids’ is their choice to surrender to the lordship of Christ by accepting Jesus as their savior. But, even after our kids have accepted Christ, we can pray that they surrender their words, plans, dreams, finances, and relationships to the Lord. Pray for our kids to have the discipline to surrender all they are to the Lord each day, committing to live in a way that’s pleasing and brings him glory. Lord, you become more when we become less. Please guide [name] to accept you as their Savior and surrender their lives to your glory. Help them know that surrendering to you is a lifelong process as they trust you with their burdens, fears, dreams, and aspirations. God’s word speaks: Philippians 2:13; James 4:7; John 3:30; Psalm 32:8Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Do you ever get overwhelmed with how to talk to your young kids about hard topics? I have been there. And sometimes, I actually disengage or ignore important topics because it feels too hard. I don’t want to say the wrong thing at the wrong time.Diversity is one of those topics that matters. It matters to God and it matters to me. Trillia Newbell is the perfect guest for this conversation. She was looking for a resource to guide her discussions with our own kids and couldn’t find it. So, she wrote “God’s Very Good Idea” to center the discussion of diversity around the gospel. In this chat, we also discuss another hard topic with our kids -  bullying and loneliness. We talk about the importance of friendship for our kids and how we can turn our kids to Jesus in these moments.My favorite part is when Trillia reminds us that the teaching is coming. Either culture is going to teach our kids or we need to get ahead of that messaging. It’s so very important that we frame tough topics with a biblical point of view and Trilia helps us do that so well.In this episode, we discuss:How to teach our kids about diversity from a biblical perspective How to discern between bullying and unkindness How to invite God into your loneliness  Connect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:Jesus and the Gift of Friendship - Trillia’s new bookGod’s Very Good Idea (and other books) by TrilliaConnect with Trillia NewbellOur Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.” —Proverbs 16:9 NLTWe just don’t know what we don’t know.History gives us some pretty funny stories of people who tried to predict the future but got it embarrassingly wrong. One great example is from 1962, when a record executive told the Beatles they “have no future in show business” because four-piece groups with guitars are a thing of the past. Oops.The only thing we can be certain about this side of heaven is that our lives are going to be uncertain. We don’t know that the next year holds for us or our kids. But God does.In the middle of uncertainty for Joshua, God reminded him that “every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given to you” (Joshua 1:3 ESV). The message to Joshua is the same message for us: with God directing our steps, not even one of them is unexpected or without purpose to the One who authors them all.This week, we’re praying for our kids to understand that what’s uncertain to them is anything but unexpected or unplanned to God. Knowing that, we can put our trust in the One who not only knows the future but also writes it.Lord, you don’t just know what the future holds, you are the future. Help [name] to stand firm in the face of uncertainty, knowing that you determine their steps and, in doing so, go before and behind them with power and authority over all things. We don’t know what we don’t know—but you do. God’s word speaks: Romans 8:28; Philippians 1:6; Isaiah 45:2; Proverbs 3:6Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

I have long admired Laney Rene online and was so thrilled to get a chance to know her through this interview. She is beyond her years in wisdom and her faith has always inspired me. She’s a young mom so those of you with littles will definitely relate to our episode.She shares so tenderly about the loss of her son and how she experienced God in a new way through her pain. So many of you have gone through or are enduring tremendous pain. Painful parts of our story can feel so very crushing and devastating. So, how do we choose hope over despair? I believe Laney Rene’s story will encourage you.My favorite part is when she talks about when you know that God is real. And what to do when you doubt that he is real or that he is actually speaking to you.  I pray you will feel so very seen and loved through this conversation about how much God loves his daughters. During this episode, we discuss:How to allow God into the most painful parts of your lifeHow to choose hope over despair How to discover how much Jesus truly loves you and sees you as his own child  Connect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoOur Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” —Hebrews 12:11 ESVNobody lacks self-discipline like our precious two-year-olds. Their language repertoire is heavy with words like no, mine, and more—typically accompanied with a hearty side of theatrics. As cute as it might be when they are young (or not), a lack of self-discipline creates some big issues later in life.Self-discipline (or lack thereof) will impact every part of our kids’ lives, including their dating relationships, finances, online accountability, marriage, physical health, and even their occupations. The author of Hebrews reminds us that discipline isn’t fun in the moment, but it’s a key step in the pathway to righteousness.The good news is that self-discipline isn’t just a matter of mustering up enough willpower. Rather, it's a God-given perspective that the greater reward in waiting is better than the immediate temptation we’re facing. Warren Wiersbe says it this way: “Discipline means giving up the good and the better for the best. There is nothing wrong with food or fun, but if they interfere with your highest goals, then they are hindrances and not helps.”Let’s ask God to give our kids the self-discipline to look away, walk away, or find a way to pass on anything that interferes with God’s highest goals in their lives. Jesus is worth waiting for, and self-discipline eliminates the pain and discouragement of settling for less than his best in their lives.Lord, help [name] to have the self-discipline to pass up the good in order to accomplish the great you have planned for them. Give my children an eye for your bigger picture in all areas of their lives, knowing the ultimate goal of righteousness is worth waiting for. God’s word speaks: 1 Corinthians 9:24Proverbs 25:282 Timothy 1:71 Corinthians 9:27Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Jennie Allen, an author and speaker in the field of faith and parenting, joins the show to talk about managing emotions as a parent. They discuss the fear of emotions, how to handle them, and the importance of caring for our kids without becoming emotionally dependent on them. The episode also touches on personal experiences with grief and the impact of suppressing emotions on our overall joy. Don't miss this insightful conversation!

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” —Matthew 28:20We are on week 23. I am so proud of us! We have prayed every week together on Pardon The Mess for our kids. Today’s prayer features our friend Jeannie Cunnion. I love her heart for Jesus and the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives. She’s written several books on this topic and encouraged me tremendously to lean into God’s presence in my parenting.Connect with Jeannie!Jeannie’s latest study - Never AloneOur Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Either you’re happy in your marriage and want to remain that way, or you are not that happy in your marriage right now and feel frozen on how to fix it. My guest today is Ted Lowe who is an author, speaker and podcast host who has been helping to strengthen marriages for over two decades. You’ll love his relatable and doable approach to marriage and leave this conversation feeling encouraged, not ashamed.In this episode, we talk about the secret to happy couples. Spoiler alert - it’s our thought life. Join us as we discuss how scripture, research and neuroscience together provide a simple way to rethink how we see marriage. Ted gives us a couple of ways we can change our thought life today that will impact our marriage for the good. I was definitely convicted on this statement. Ted said, “how you think is how you treat them.” That is a true statement that I will remember for some time.My favorite part is when I ask Ted how a couple can take action together to improve their marriage. His answer may surprise you. It was a piece of advice I wish I had heard about 20 years ago. Let me know what you think!Enjoy!CourtneyConnect with Pardon The Mess:Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeoResources from today’s show:ForUsMarriage.com - Ted’s siteTed’s latest book: Us In Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your MarriageThe All Pro Dad PodcastTeen Study BibleLife is Messy, God is GoodOur Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.” —Psalm 119:9 The idea of raising pure kids in an impure culture can feel like an impossibly tall order as parents. Defining purity can be confusing and is oftentimes limited to discussions of physical relationships or online accountability. We sometimes mistakenly make purity a goal our kids must achieve, staying away from certain things or even keeping on a prescribed path until the finish line of marriage. Noel Bouche of Pure Hope Ministries says, “purity it not an accomplishment; it’s a relationship.” It’s a relationship with Jesus, who comes to redeem us from the sin of this world and purify us to himself (Titus 2:14). He renews our minds and equips us to overcome our earthly temptations. He cleanses us and makes us new creations. He gives hope that is everlasting and brings healing when we fall short. Biblical purity is bigger than a checklist of things our kids should or should not do, but instead focuses on the bigger picture of the lifelong pursuit of Jesus. It’s not about our ability to perform but about Jesus’ transforming power within us.  There’s nothing wrong with praying for our kids to have purity in their physical relationships, the way they dress, the motivation behind their actions, their pursuit of Jesus, and the music and media that fill their minds. But let’s also pray that if and when they fall short, they know that the Lord stands ready to forgive them and give them a new beginning.  Lord, please bring [name] to you, purifying them through a renewing of their heart and mind. Give my kids the freedom to come to me no matter what they have seen or done, knowing that, as a family, we will offer grace and seek your wisdom. Help my kids to take captive their thoughts and find companionship with those seeking a pure heart and a life of righteousness. God’s word speaks: Colossians 3:5, 1 Timothy 4:12, Matthew 5:8, Titus 2:13–14Links mentioned: https://dannahgresh.com/should-i-stop-using-the-word-purity/Our Sponsors:* Check out IXL and use my code TODAY for a great deal: https://www.ixl.comPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy