Lost Spaces: Memories from Gay Bars, Lesbian Clubs, and LGBTQ+ Parties

I'm still thinking a lot about this week's conversation. And, in particular, it's made me think about the things I do in my life just to live up to other people's expectations of who I should be. And I'm trying to unpick that and understand it better... But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's get in to the episode.... This week I'm chatting to the burlesque artiste, the-prodigal-titty-of-the-Motor-City, Lottie Ellington. She's originally from Detroit, but found herself living in Richmond, Virginia for a while. At this time, the queer scene was not always so welcoming - very white, cis-male heavy, and anyone who doesn't fit in the box was made to feel very unwelcome - and, so, Lottie didn't really bother to explore the scene... But then she signed up for burlesque classes at Dogtown Dance Studios, and she found - first of all, that she loves performing burlesque, and second of all, a whole group of queer, like minded people at the studio... and that is why it's her lost space... We talk all about Lottie's infatuation with Wonder Woman (the OG Lynda Carter version!), how some people find it difficult to separate the performer from the person, and the pressure that we feel to live up to other people's expectations... Do you have any memories of Dogtown Dance Studio, or maybe a queer coffee shop from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod), Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/lostspacespod) Find out more about Lottie by visiting her website, https://www.lottieellington.com/, or following her on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/lottie.ellington), Twitter (https://twitter.com/lottieellington), Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/lottieellington/) or TikTok (https://www.tiktok.com/@lottieellington)

So, I'm just going to come right out and say it - school kind of sucked.  And, it's bad enough when you have that gnawing suspicion that you don't fit in, but the real kicker is when other kids start to notice this too, and they think that the most appropriate response is... to go out of their way and make your life misery...  I was never really popular, and so I just learnt to keep my head down and survive the experience. But, for this week's guest, Wil Fisher who is the host of the podcast Queerly Beloved, the experience was different. He went from being one of the most popular kids to being a social pariah overnight.  How would you even begin to get your head around that? But, in a weird way, being an outcast gave him an opportunity to evaluate things he may not have otherwise done, and that time alone let him figure some things out about himself... And, it was at the San Diego queer cafe Euphoria that he got to *ahem* practice that all a little more...  We talk about running in to your teacher in a queer space, listening to Gregorian chants on your first date (how romantic!), and coming out to your dad all thanks to Dolly Parton.... Do you have any memories of Euphoria, or maybe a queer coffee shop from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod), Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/lostspacespod) Find out more about Wil by listening to his podcast Queerly Beloved, or following him on Instagram at ⁠https://www.instagram.com/wilfish99/⁠

You know, in all of the time that we've been doing this show we've never featured a sauna... but that's about to change! Our very first sauna is ACI, which was in San Antonio, Texas. And, showing us around is the subversive queer rapper Chris Conde. Now, Chris was a military brat, and so they moved around a lot when they were a kid. But, as a young adult they decided they wanted some stability, and so chose to settle in San Antonio. And it was here that they let go of religion, got sober, and then came out of the closet... again (?). Oooh, and for those who don't know, saunas, or bathhouse as they are commonly named in America, are places where people go for relaxation and... sex... let's be honest - it's mostly for sex. Anyway, they've kind of fallen out of fashion since the rise of the apps, but they were a huge part of queer (predominately male) culture for decades. Do you have any memories of ACI, or clubbing from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod), Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/lostspacespod) Find out more about Chris by going and streaming their music, or following them on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/chriscondetherapper/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/chrisconde) or Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/chriscondetherapper)

You know that cliche about being in a crowded room but still feeling all alone? Sometimes I think the person that came up with that imagery was talking about being on a dancefloor in a gay bar. Cause, yeah, there's so much to celebrate there - a room full of people who get to be themselves for the evening. But, there can also be a feeling of disconnect or outsider-ness... And, even though that's probably all inside your head, it's still a very real feeling in the moment. I got to explore this, and other things, in this week's chat with Manish Mathur, who is the host of 'It Pod To Be You' a movie review podcast that is all about romantic films! We got together to talk about the New York bar Rush, and along the way we chat about the perils or appearing straight, narrow-minded gay men, and what it feels like to always be the fifth wheel! Do you have any memories of Rush, or clubbing from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod), Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/lostspacespod) Find out more about Manish by listening to It Pod to be You, or following him on Twitter (https://twitter.com/vertigay314)

So, this week we're going to do something a little different... It's our first ever episode celebrating the Eurovision Song Contest. And, before you say it - yes, technically Eurovision isn't a queer event. But, I mean... have you ever watched it? it's pretty bloody queer... And, to celebrate the 2023 competition I sat down to chat to Rob Holley, the Head of Content for the Eurovision Song Contest. Only we didn't talk about the contest itself - we chatted about #EurovisionAgain, an online watch-party of past competitions that Rob set up during those grim early days of the Covid-19 pandemic after discovering that 2020's competition was cancelled. I know that's a little bit different to our usual show, cause it's focussing on an online space rather than a physical space, but what struck me most during this conversation is how many similarities there are between #EurovisionAgain and queer bars - in particular this sense of community and belonging... which I think is pretty damn special, and certainly worth celebrating... We talk all about those early days of lockdown (which, honestly, I seem to have wilfully forgotten), what it was like for Rob to watch the meteoric success of his baby project, and, how #EurovisionAgain led him to snag his dream job with the EBU - the European Broadcasting Union. Do you have any memories of #EurovisionAgain, or any other online events that brought you joy during the pandemic? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod), Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/lostspacespod) Find out more about Rob by following him on Twitter (https://twitter.com/robholley). Or, if you want to know more about #EurovisionAgain go and look at that fancy wikipedia page - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/EurovisionAgain

You must be exhausted because you've been running through my mind all day.... Ooooh yeah! This week on the show we're talking all about pick up lines... the cringier the better! What started off as a conversation about expectations versus the reality of flirting in a gay bar quickly turned in to a back-and-forth of cheesy pick-up lines! And, who is flirting with me? Why, it's Jay Roudybush from the Beards and Sundries podcast, who has come on the show to tell us all about Fantasy in Wichita, Kansas. We chat about religious parents, internalised homophobia, and staying-up-all-night-overthinking-every-moment-of-the-day-before.... Sound familiar? Do you have any memories of Fantasy's, or clubbing from your own queer scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod), Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/lostspacespod) Find out more about Jay by listening to his show, Beards and Sundries, wherever you find podcasts. And, you can also follow the show on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/beardsandsundries

So, I have something to admit. I have not been dancing in a really long time. And, when I say dancing I mean sweaty, throbbing, disgustingly sticky kind of dancing. And, I kind of miss it... I got a nice reminder of how important it used to be in my life when I caught up with Alex Marcus, the Podcast Director of The Pop Break, a digital pop culture and entertainment online magazine, for this week's show. Alex is from New Jersey, but made the move to New York City when he went to college in the mid-naughties, and this gave him an opportunity to spread his wings and explore his queerness a little more... And what better place to do that than on the sweaty dancefloor of Splash nightclub, a sprawling two-floor gay bar in Manhattan that closed in 2013? We talk all about the weird hobbies we adopt to 'pass' as straight, being the token gay, and what it's like to lose yourself in a crowd. Do you have any memories of Splash, or clubbing from your own queer scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod), Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/lostspacespod) Find out more about Alex by following him on Twitter and Letterboxd @MediaThinkings. And make sure you also visit thepopbreak.com for all of your pop culture and entertainment needs!

It seems hard to believe, but in the early days of the internet there were these things called internet cafes, where you would go, pay some money, and then have access to a computer with the internet for a set period of time. And this was at a time when the internet wasn't on every phone and every TV and every watch. In fact, lots of families didn't even have computers in their houses... Wild, right? The reason I'm telling you this is because the internet cafe was, for many queer kids, HUGE. This was somewhere you could go, find a quiet corner, and then discover a world that was, up until that time, a mystery to you... And that's what happened for Macedonian drag queen Ronda Vu, who used chat rooms to find other gay people and take those tentative first steps in to being the queerdo that she is today. And, it was thanks to these friendships that she found Bonnie, a gay bar that was found in the capital city of Skopje, capital of the Republic of Macedonia. Do you have any memories of Bonnie, or clubbing from your own queer scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod), Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/lostspacespod) Find out more about Ronda by following her on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/ms.rondavu).

I'm often guilty of romanticising small town queer bars, but I just think there's something really magical about everyone being in the same space and not segregating and splitting off in to different sub-communities like leather and lesbian and bears (oh my!)... But, there are also downsides to this... being in a small city or town can get in the way of you having the freedom to explore who you really are... And, this very thing happened for week's guest, Pepper (who you may know as a finalist in the drag competition tv series Call Me Mother), who started feeling a bit boxed in when people celebrated her drag character but weren't so interested in her non-drag self. We caught up to talk about The Roost, a legendary bar in the Canadian city of Edmonton. Along the way we chat about what we lose when the LGBTQ+ community gains wider acceptance, learning to be certain of who you are, and, the magic of the 1990s... Do you have any memories of The Roost, or clubbing from your own queer scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod), Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/lostspacespod) Find out more about Pepper by following her on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/thepepper.1) and Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/thepepper1).

So, you've probably picked up from listening to this show that I have mixed feelings when it comes to the concept of 'representation'. I still can't quite articulate why I'm a bit iffy about it, but I think it's something about the commodification of the term. Like, yes, I agree that it's important, but it seems to have been hijacked and monetised by people, which I think is a bit icky... But, you're not here for my half-baked ponderings.. you're here to listen to a chat about a lost space. So, why am I going on and on about it? Well, it's because, within this episode, I think there's a really good example of why representation is hugely important. It was through seeing other drag kings that this episode's guest, German drag king Maria Moschus, was born. And it was a trip to Buenos Aires, where Maria's alter-ego Taiina went for an internship in 2019, where the character got to grow and develop at Carrera de Reyes, a drag king night that ran from 2019-2022. We talk all about that night, the magic and the chaos of being in a new city, and how not to feel stifled by drag stereotypes... Do you have any memories of Carrera de Reyes, or clubbing from your own queer scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! You can also find me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/lostspacespod), Instagram (www.instagram.com/lostspacespod) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/lostspacespod) Find out more about Maria by following them on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/mariamoschus/). Whilst you're there go and scroll through the photos from Carerra de Reyes' Instagram page (https://www.instagram.com/carreradereyesok)