The Best of You

What do you do when your family is the source of your deepest wounds? How do you hold onto your identity without cutting off the people who raised you? In this transformative conversation, therapist and relationship coach Jerry Wise discusses the concept of self-differentiation—a powerful framework for healing from family dysfunction without shame or blame. Whether you’re navigating complex family ties, considering going no contact, or simply longing to feel more like you, this episode offers a clear path forward rooted in wisdom, compassion, and courage. Jerry shares: His own journey from dysfunction to emotional clarity Why cutting ties doesn’t always lead to healing—and what might How to spot when you’re still emotionally enmeshed (even with distance) Practical steps to stop reacting and start reclaiming your sense of self If you’ve ever felt stuck in old family roles, overwhelmed by guilt, or confused about how to move forward with—or without—your family, this episode will meet you with both empathy and actionable insight. 🖥 Learn more about Jerry’s work: Jerry Wise Relationship Systems 📺 Watch his free training and explore his self-differentiation course If you liked this episode, you'll love: Episode 147 — The Hidden Trauma of Being the Chosen Child & a Path Toward Healing—Making Sense of Your Family Story Episode 127 — Healing Childhood Wounds—The Enmeshed Family & 5 Toxic Patterns that Affect Your Ability to Thrive in Adult Relationships ⁠Episode 85⁠ — The Goal of a Healthy Family & 6 Roles We Take On In Dysfunction Thanks to our Sponsors! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self. Go to AquaTru.com and enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout to get 20% OFF any AquaTru purifier!‍ Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Visit⁠ GoGeviti.com⁠ to learn more about how you can start optimizing your health without leaving home today and use code BESTOFYOU. Editing by Giulia Hjort Sound engineering by Kelly Kramarik Music by Andy Luiten While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ © 2025 Alison Cook. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Please do not copy or share the contents of this webpage or transcript without permission from the author. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do with the ache of not feeling wanted? The part of you that wonders if you’ll ever truly belong? In this powerful conversation with IFS therapist and author Tammy Sollenberger, we explore how the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model helps you turn toward those tender places inside—rather than pushing them away. This conversation originally struck a deep chord with listeners—and it feels especially relevant right now. Whether you’re hearing it for the first time or tuning in again, it holds fresh insight for your journey. Tammy shares: Her personal story of feeling unwanted, even though her parents loved her. Why “parts work” is so transformative in healing emotional wounds How self-compassion opens the door to real connection A simple practice to begin befriending the hurting parts within If you’ve ever struggled with feeling left out, overlooked, or not enough—this episode will meet you with kindness, insight, and hope. 📘 Learn more about Tammy’s book: The One Inside 💬 Got a question or reflection? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode. ‍ If you liked this episode, you'll love: Episode 108 Inside Out—Internal Family Systems, Therapy, and High-Performing Protectors with Jenna Riemersma Episodes 39 through 43 —Boundaries For Your Soul series on IFS in 5 parts Thanks to our sponsors: Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Save an additional 10% on any NIV Application Bible and NIV Application Commentary Resources by visiting ⁠faithgateway.com/NIVAB⁠ and using promo code BESTOFYOU Visit⁠ GoGeviti.com⁠ to learn more about how you can start optimizing your health without leaving home today and use code BESTOFYOU. Right now, save $10 on your first purchase when you go to ⁠StoryWorth.com/bestofyou! ⁠ Editing by Giulia Hjort Sound engineering by Kelly Kramarik Music by Andy Luiten ‍ While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’m joined by the brilliant and beautifully honest Dr. Heather Thompson Day for a conversation on spiritual wrestling. Heather’s latest book, What If I’m Wrong? Navigating the Waves of Fear and Failure explores what happens when the faith you once relied on starts to unravel. Heather shares openly about her father’s battle with Alzheimer’s, the spiritual crisis it triggered, and the years she spent in what she calls “spiritual drowning.” We talk about attachment, disappointment, failure, and the unexpected ways God shows up when everything else is falling apart. This conversation is a powerful example of how doubt and faith can co-exist. If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re allowed to question your faith—or felt like you were losing your grip on God—this episode is for you. We explore: What happens when the God you believed in no longer matches your reality How therapy helped Heather not just psychologically but spiritually Why what feels like failure may be something deeper—and more redemptive The unexpected miracle Heather experienced at the end of her long season of doubt This isn’t a story of tidy answers. It’s a story of holding on, even when you’re not sure what you’re holding onto. 🎧 Listen now and share with someone who needs a reminder: doubt doesn’t mean you’re losing your faith—it might mean you’re learning to trust in a deeper way. 🔗 Heather’s new book: What If I’m Wrong?🔗 Connect with Heather: heatherthompsonday.com🔗 Follow Heather on Instagram: @HeatherThompsonDay 💬 Got a question or reflection? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode. ‍ If you liked this episode, you’ll love:‍ ⁠Episode 98: I Shouldn’t Feel Alone in My Grief—Why Your Grief Matters & How to Support Those Who Are Grieving with J.S. Park Episode 99: I Shouldn’t Feel Like My Spirit is Broken—Exploring a Broken Spirit & the Dark Night of the Soul with Christopher Cook ‍ Thanks to our sponsors: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Save an additional 10% on any NIV Application Bible and NIV Application Commentary Resources by visiting ⁠faithgateway.com/NIVAB⁠ and using promo code BESTOFYOU Visit⁠ GoGeviti.com⁠ to learn more about how you can start optimizing your health without leaving home today and use code BESTOFYOU. Right now, save $10 on your first purchase when you go to ⁠StoryWorth.com/bestofyou! ⁠ ‍ Editing by Giulia Hjort Sound engineering by Kelly Kramarik Music by Andy Luiten ‍ While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if your most distressing thoughts aren’t who you are—but a signal pointing to pain that needs healing? Therapist and author Monica DiCristina joins me to talk about the deeper emotional and spiritual wounds that often lie beneath distressing thoughts. Monica shares her personal journey with trauma-related intrusive thoughts and the power of finally naming what hurt. We also explore what to do when intrusive thoughts show up in our inner worlds, how to seek the right kind of support, and why healing always starts with curiosity rather than shame. Pick up your copy of Monica's new book: Your Pain Has a Name: A Therapist's Invitation to Understanding Your Story and Sorting Out Who You Are from What Hurts Connect with Monica DiCristina 📞 Call 307-429-2525 to share your thoughts or a question for a future episode. If you liked this episode, you’ll love:‍ Episode 134: Bridging Mysticism and Science—A Personal JourneyThrough OCD with Therapist Ryan Kuja Episode 97: I Shouldn't Feel This Anxious—Insights on Trauma & Healing with Monique Koven Thanks to our sponsors: Go to Quince.com/bestofyou for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Save an additional 10% on any NIV Application Bible and NIV Application Commentary Resources by visiting faithgateway.com/NIVAB and using promo code BESTOFYOU Visit GoGeviti.com to learn more about how you can start optimizing your health without leaving home today and use code BESTOFYOU. Right now, save $10 on your first purchase when you go to StoryWorth.com/bestofyou! As a listener of The Best of You Podcast, you can qualify to see a registered dietitian for as little as $0 by visiting faynutrition.com/bestofyou. Editing by Giulia Hjort Sound design by Kelly Kramarik Music by Andy Luiten While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're tackling a topic that continues to strike a chord with so many of you: how to make a change when you're stuck between loyalty and growth, guilt and freedom, regret and redemption. If you’ve ever struggled with a complicated relationship or wrestled with the quiet shame of feeling stuck, this episode is for you. We explore: The 3 brave paths you can take when a relationship feels hard. A powerful story of a woman confronting regret. How to distinguish between true guilt and false guilt What "radical surrender" really means. Whether you're braving a big life change or feeling held back by old emotional patterns, this episode will gives you courage, clarity, and compassion. 📞 Plus, don’t forget to call 307-429-2525 to share your thoughts or a question for a future episode. ‍If you liked this, you’ll love:‍ Episode 140: If You Struggle with Guilt and Second-Guessing Yourself, This Will Set You Free – How to Stop Blaming Yourself for Things That Aren’t Your Fault ‍Thanks to our sponsors: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self. Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive for 40% off best-selling sheets, towels, pajamas, and more with code BESTOFYOU. Go to AquaTru.com and enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout to get 20% OFF any AquaTru purifier!‍ ‍Get up to 50% off your custom-fit mouth guard at www.shopremi.com/BESTOFYOU today! Editing by Giulia Hjort Sound engineering by Kelly Kramarik Music by Andy Luiten ‍While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if fear isn’t a warning sign—but a signal you’re stepping into something that matters? I’m joined by the brilliant and creative Mary Marantz to explore why fear often shows up right before a breakthrough—and how to stop seeing it as a reason to back down. We also get into:* How fear hides behind perfectionism, people-pleasing, and procrastination* The surprising link between fear and creativity* Why grief is often the first step in learning to trust yourself* What it means to become the “grown-up in the room” for your own healing* How naming your inner critic can help disarm its power Check out Mary’s new book Underestimated! 📞 We want to hear from you! What’s one area of your emotional, mental, or spiritual health where you’d like to grow? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a voicemail with your name, where you’re from, and your answer. Your voice may be featured in a future episode! Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here. If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love: Episode 10: What are Limiting Beliefs and How Do I Overcome Them with Mary Marantz Episode 20: Making Peace with Yourself (& Facing Your Fear of Disappointing Other People) Thanks to our sponsors: Go to Quince.com/bestofyou for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Save an additional 10% on any NIV Application Bible and NIV Application Commentary Resources by visiting faithgateway.com/NIVAB and using promo code BESTOFYOU! Visit GoGeviti.com to learn more about how you can start optimizing your health without leaving home today and use code BESTOFYOU. Give your loved ones a unique, heartfelt gift you’ll all cherish for years—StoryWorth! Right now, save $10 on your first purchase when you go to StoryWorth.com/bestofyou! For 20% off your order, head to Reliefband.com and use code BESTOFYOU. Editing by Giulia HjortMusic by Andy LuitenSound design by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do I feel guilty for protecting my time or energy? Is this a boundary—or am I just avoiding someone? Boundaries stir up a lot of emotions. But what if they’re not about building walls, avoiding people, or being “selfish”? In this episode, I share a deeply personal and surprising take on what boundaries truly are—and why they matter more than you think. You'll hear: *Why healthy boundaries begin not with rejection, but with rhythm *The two most common ways we misuse boundaries *A powerful metaphor that changed how I think about relationships *How codependency, enmeshment, and burnout signal boundary issues *Real-life scripts and strategies to set boundaries with compassion and clarity Have a question for Dr. Alison? Leave it here. Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here. If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love: Episode 124: Boundaries & Numbing—How to Set Healthy Limits and Stop Avoiding Your Feelings Episode 24: Boundaries, the Spectrum of Toxicity, and a Note About Evil Episode 7: Why Are Boundaries So Hard to Set? Thanks to our sponsors: Turn back time on the appearance of your skin with Purity Woods’s Age-Defying Dream Cream. Go to puritywoods.com/BESTOFYOU or enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout for an additional 10% off your first order. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self. Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive for 40% off best-selling sheets, towels, pajamas, and more with code BESTOFYOU. Go to Quince.com/bestofyou for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Visit GoGeviti.com to learn more about how you can start optimizing your health without leaving home today and use code BESTOFYOU. Contact Restoring the Soul today and learn how their Intensive Counseling Process can jump start your journey to the place you want to be. As a special gift for The Best of You podcast listeners, download their pdf called "5 Ways Unresolved Trauma May Be Derailing Your Relationship." I want all my listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night’s sleep with a new mattress from Birch. Go to birchliving.com/bestofyou for 20% off sitewide! Editing by Giulia Hjort Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you’ve ever felt emotionally exhausted—even while doing all the “right” things—this episode is for you.I’m sharing a personal story and unpacking something I see in so many women I work with: the quiet, often unnoticed pattern of denying your own needs in the name of being kind, helpful, or faithful.We’ll talk about how these patterns take root, how faith communities can unknowingly reinforce them, and why that emotional exhaustion you’re feeling might be trying to tell you something important.In this episode, I explore:* How codependency hides behind helping & overfunctioning* How the fawn response might be showing up in your life* The impact of church messages that tell us to "die to ourselves" without teaching us how to live* What healthy dependence looks like* Why your locus of control—internal vs. external—matters more than you thinkHave a question for Dr. Alison? Leave it here.Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love: Episode 5: What is Codependency and Why Does it Matter? Episode 14: The Fawn Response & The Hidden Root of People Pleasing Thanks to our sponsors: For 20% off your order, head to Reliefband.com and use code BESTOFYOU. Go to Quince.com/bestofyou for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Visit GoGeviti.com to learn more about how you can start optimizing your health without leaving home today and use code BESTOFYOU. Contact Restoring the Soul today and learn how their Intensive Counseling Process can jump start your journey to the place you want to be. As a special gift for The Best of You podcast listeners, download their pdf called "5 Ways Unresolved Trauma May Be Derailing Your Relationship." I want all my listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night’s sleep with a new mattress from Birch. Go to birchliving.com/bestofyou for 20% off sitewide! Editing by Giulia HjortMusic by Andy LuitenSound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, I’m joined by someone whose work has profoundly shaped my own healing journey—Dr. Hillary McBride. A psychologist, researcher, author, and speaker, Hillary is a leading voice in the integration of embodiment, spirituality, and trauma recovery. We discuss her personal story as well as themes from her powerful new book, Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing.Whether you’ve struggled with body image, experienced spiritual harm, or simply long to feel more whole—this conversation is for you.We explore:* Hillary’s story of healing from an eating disorder—and how it led her into her life’s work* Why body image issues are never just about the body* How trauma fragments our nervous system and disrupts our sense of safety, trust, and self* What spiritual trauma is and how it can quietly take root in early beliefs and experiences* How our attachment to God is often shaped by relational wounds—and what healing can look likeOrder your copy of Holy Hurt hereFind a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love: Episode 48: Loving Your Body as a Spiritual Practice, Why the Flesh Isn’t the Body, and 3 Heresies We Kind of BelieveThanks to our sponsors: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self. Go to AquaTru.com and enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout to get 20% OFF any AquaTru purifier! Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive for 40% off best-selling sheets, towels, pajamas, and more with code BESTOFYOU. Go to puritywoods.com/BESTOFYOU or enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout for an additional 10% off your first order. Get up to 50% off your custom-fit mouth guard at www.shopremi.com/BESTOFYOU today! Editing by Giulia HjortMusic by Andy LuitenSound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Explore the compelling link between perfectionism and anxiety, revealing how the need for flawlessness often masks deeper fears. Discover why striving for perfection rarely leads to satisfaction. Learn to identify the subtle signs of anxiety and the surprising questions to ask yourself when perfectionism takes hold. Gain practical strategies to break free from these crippling behaviors. Embrace vulnerability, self-compassion, and the invaluable idea that love and worth don’t hinge on being perfect.