Make Some Noise with Andrea Owen

I’ve been circling this topic for years in my personal life, and today I’m finally ready to name it out loud: what it means to center men—and the quiet, persistent ways it costs us. This isn’t a takedown of men. It’s a conversation about the water we swim in, how it shapes our choices, and why so many of us end up orbiting someone else’s needs while abandoning our own. In this first of a two-part series, I briefly unpack the language and the lived reality—androcentrism, “woman as Other,” the male gaze, compulsory heterosexuality, and self-silencing—and connect those ideas to everyday moments in dating, marriage, work, family roles, and even how we present ourselves. I also go deeper into patriarchal bargains,something I see over and over in my own life, the lives of my clients, and most (if not all) of the women I know. I weave in my own story and experiences from clients and friends so you can spot the pattern with compassion, not self-blame. This is what you’ll hear in this episode: A clear metaphor for “centering men” (the sun and orbit) and how it shows up in real life. Plain-language definitions of key terms (androcentrism, male gaze, “woman as Other,” patriarchal bargains, comphet, self-silencing). Why patriarchal bargains often feel like safety—and why the price tag grows over time. Everyday examples across dating, long-term partnership, work, family labor, and appearance. The emotional, relational, and cultural costs: confusion of identity, chronic anxiety, resentment, power imbalances, and internalized policing. How health can be impacted when self-silencing becomes a lifestyle (and why this deserves reverence, not shame). A gentle invitation to notice where you might be orbiting—and what questions to journal on before we move into solutions. Part one names the pattern and its costs so you can see it with clarity and care in your own life: centering men isn’t a personal failing—it’s a survival strategy many of us learned. Awareness is the first move.  In part two (in two weeks), we’ll focus on solutions: how to decenter without burning your life down, rebuild self-trust and voice, and practice relational autonomy in dating, work, and partnership.  Resources from this episode: Get updates on my new book Live Like You Give a Damn (out December 9!) Learn about Devotion and see if it’s for you The invention of “The Male Gaze” article by Laura Michelle Jackson Book recommendations: I love a good personal development book, and you do too, right? I’ve compiled a list of book recommendations, as mentioned in past episodes. Check out these amazing book recommendations here. Happy reading!   MSN is supported by: We love the sponsors that make our show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: andreaowen.com/sponsors/ Episode link: https://andreaowen.com/podcast/697 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I’m so excited to welcome back Beatriz (Béa) Victoria Albina to talk about something so many of us quietly wrestle with: emotional outsourcing. Béa is a master certified somatic life coach, UCSF-trained family nurse practitioner, and breath work meditation guide who helps humans socialized as women break free from codependency, perfectionism, and people-pleasing so they can reclaim their joy. A lot of what we cover in today’s episode shows up in her brand new book End Emotional Outsourcing. We dig into what emotional outsourcing really is, how we hand over our sense of safety, belonging and worth to everyone and everything outside of ourselves, and the ripple effect that has on boundaries, relationships and your nervous system. Béa explains why talk therapy alone can leave you stuck, what is actually happening when you freeze in the moment, and how perfectionism can sneak into healing and personal growth. And because you know I love practical takeaways, Béa shares simple somatic tools you can use right now to come back home to yourself. These small but powerful shifts help you rebuild self trust and stop outsourcing your emotional wellness. What you will hear in this episode: What emotional outsourcing really is and how codependency, perfectionism, and people-pleasing all fit under it (3:58) Béa explains what she means when she says, “you do this healing in relationship…” (25:36)  Practical somatic practices to rebuild self-trust and move away from outsourcing (32:32) How to begin to rebuild trust with yourself and hear what your body wants (38:30) Resources from this episode: Andrea’s email list:andreaowen.com/free Andrea on Instagram Andrea’s coaching and application page Beatriz’s book Beatriz’s website Episode 531: Navigating Triggers and Calming the Nervous System with Beatriz Victoria Albina Book recommendations: I love a good personal development book, and you do too, right? I’ve compiled a list of book recommendations, as mentioned in past episodes. Check out these amazing book recommendations here. Happy reading!   MSN is supported by: We love the sponsors that make our show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: andreaowen.com/sponsors/ https://andreaowen.com/podcast/696 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When Maureen first reached out to me, she was carrying more than anyone should have to juggle at once. She was stuck in a business that was draining her, driving hours to care for both parents as their health declined, and feeling the weight of all that stress on her marriage. To cope, she turned to drinking… which wasn’t exactly a new coping mechanism. On the outside she looked like a successful fitness professional, but privately she was stuck in shame, self-judgment, and the feeling that she was out of alignment with who she truly was. In this episode we do something a little different. Every once in a while I invite a former client to share how coaching shaped their life, not as an infomercial but as a window into what is possible when curiosity and compassion replace shame and judgment. You’ll hear how a single intake question asking, “Is there anything else you want me to know?” opened the door to self-honesty, how coaching helped Maureen finally set boundaries and leave a job that was crushing her, and how one art project I assigned to her revealed what she was hiding behind perfectionism, numbing, and people-pleasing. You can see a photo of Maureen with that project here. Today, Maureen is not only living alcohol-free but also coaching other women through the same struggles she once faced. Her story is proof that shame can lose its grip when met with curiosity, and that lasting change often starts with a single brave conversation. What you will hear in this episode: Why Maureen reached out for coaching: the job that did not fit, caregiving for sick parents, and rising drinking as a coping strategy The surprising intake moment, how a small answer on a form opened the door to talking about alcohol (and why that mattered) How curiosity and non-judgmental questions changed Maureen’s relationship with herself and her drinking The “Armor of Control” art project: turning pain into an image that shows the lies vs. the truth underneath The science that changed her: gray-area drinking, neuroplasticity, and the empowering truth that your brain can be rewired Practical hope: how you can get many of the outcomes you seek (social ease, down-regulation, fun) without alcohol If you found this episode helpful, forward it to a friend who has been quietly struggling. Sometimes hearing one human story is the nudge another person needs. Resources from this episode: Andrea on Instagram Andrea’s coaching and application page Maureen’s website Maureen on Instagram Book recommendations: I love a good personal development book, and you do too, right? I’ve compiled a list of book recommendations, as mentioned in past episodes. Check out these amazing book recommendations here. Happy reading!   MSN is supported by: We love the sponsors that make our show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: andreaowen.com/sponsors/ Episode link: https://andreaowen.com/podcast/695 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Explore the dynamic between growth-oriented and stability-focused partners. Discover how one person's evolution can unintentionally create friction and feelings of criticism. Gain insights into recurring arguments revealing deeper desires within relationships. Learn strategies for couples to bridge differences and foster intimacy while grappling with the challenge of balancing change and comfort. Reflect on the realization that leaving a relationship can sometimes signify growth rather than failure.

I’m welcoming back Wendy Valentine, a pocket full of sunshine, reinvention expert, and empowerment coach, to celebrate her brand-new book, Women Waking Up: The Midlife Manifesto for Passion, Purpose, and Play. Whether you’re in midlife yourself or looking for a thoughtful gift for the women in your life, in this conversation and throughout her book, Wendy shares inspiration and tools you can carry into any season.  In this episode, Wendy brings frameworks, strategies, and encouragement for waking up to your fullest self. We explore what it means to move through the dark night of your soul, those heavy, disorienting seasons that can actually serve as a sacred initiation into your next chapter. Plus, we talk about self-reflection as the foundation for all of it, including simple ways to carve out space to check in with yourself, even when life feels overwhelming. What you’ll hear in this episode: The most common disempowering thought in midlife and how to overcome it (5:20) The Freedom Framework: Wendy’s seven-step process for creating lasting change (16:10) Midlife, menopause, and perimenopause and why these transitions are catalysts, not crises (24:48) The Stop, Drop, and Roll method as a practical tool to reframe negative thoughts (32:15) How to make self-reflection a priority, even when life feels too full (33:48) Resources from this episode: Andrea’s email list: andreaowen.com/free Wendy’s website Wendy’s book, Women Waking UpWendy on InstagramApp blocker ✨ If you’re in a season of stretching, expanding, or navigating complex emotions in your relationships, I’ve got something coming up just for you. This new, deeper program is designed to help you build shame resilience, reconnect to self-trust, and stop abandoning yourself for others’ comfort. It’s still brewing—but if you’re curious, DM me on Instagram @heyandreaowen or email us at support@andreaowen.com. I’ll personally reach out with more details to see if it’s for you.  Book recommendations: I love a good personal development book, and you do too, right? I’ve compiled a list of book recommendations, as mentioned in past episodes. Check out these amazing book recommendations here. Happy reading!   MSN is supported by: We love the sponsors that make our show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: andreaowen.com/sponsors/ Episode link: https://andreaowen.com/podcast/693 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Trauma-informed life strategist Elyssa Smith joins me to unpack procrastination, self-sabotage, reparenting, and the art of saying no, topics that shape how we show up every single day. Together we explore how these patterns are rooted in our nervous system from a young age, why they’re often survival strategies in disguise, and how compassion is the foundation for lasting change. As this conversation highlights, “There is another way of being, and I am going to be curious about it.” Elyssa’s stories and strategies will give you permission to start small, with what I call “turtle steps”, and remind you that self-compassion is always the key. I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did!  What you’ll hear in this episode: Procrastination: why it’s more than just a “bad habit” and how it often stems from trauma (4:26) Reparenting: practical and surprisingly simple ways we can support our own emotional healing (15:46) Self-sabotage: how it shows up, the role shame plays, and the importance of gratitude and self-compassion when facing it (29:59) Saying no: why choosing yourself is part of the healing process and how to start saying no without drowning in guilt (43:47) Resources from this episode: Elyssa’s Facebook Group: Stress Less Lounge Elyssa’s website ElyssaCSmith on Instagram Existential Kink, Carolyn Elliot PhD (book) ✨Interested in a future Rythmia Ayahuasca retreat with me? I now have details! Drop a DM on Instagram @heyandreaowen or email support[at]andreaowen.com with the subject line “AYA Interested” and I’ll share more information with you. Book recommendations: I love a good personal development book, and you do too, right? I’ve compiled a list of book recommendations, as mentioned in past episodes. Check out these amazing book recommendations here. Happy reading!   MSN is supported by: We love the sponsors that make our show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: andreaowen.com/sponsors/ https://andreaowen.com/podcast/692 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This conversation explores the messy intersection of personal growth and relationships. Discover the three outcomes when one partner evolves while the other doesn’t. It reveals how trying to keep the peace can lead to self-abandonment, and why reverting to old behaviors might feel tempting. The discussion emphasizes the importance of authenticity in healing while navigating the emotional tension that arises. Love may not grow at the same pace, but there's still a path to evolve together.

What really happens in your brain during an ayahuasca ceremony? I’m talking with Dr. Jeff McNairy, Chief Medical Officer and co-founder of Rhythmia Life Advancement Center in Costa Rica, about the science, the spiritual side, and how plant medicine can support deep healing, if it’s right for you. Psychedelic therapy isn’t for everyone, and I get that. But when the soulful, spiritual side of healing meets actual neuroscience, I’m all in. At the end of the day, it’s about your health, your healing, and knowing all of the options available to you. Plant medicine is something I’ve been exploring, and it’s been profoundly helpful in my own growth. That’s why I’m bringing you this conversation with Dr. Jeff. We get into how trauma gets stored in the body, what’s really going on in your brain during ayahuasca, and why it’s not a cure-all (and not for everyone).  What you’ll hear about in this episode: How untreated trauma gets stored in the amygdala and shows up as anxiety and why our “push through it” culture makes it worse (7:38) Dr. Jeff’s path from running rehab and psychiatric programs in LA to working with plant medicine in Costa Rica (16:19) Why ayahuasca isn’t for everyone, what to consider before trying it, and how to know if you feel “called” (22:14) The neurochemistry of ayahuasca: what DMT does in your brain and how it can help release trauma (27:31) Common results Dr. Jeff sees at Rhythmia: from reduced anxiety and depression to long-term emotional shifts (49:26) My own “double reaction” during ceremony and Dr. Jeff’s take on what was happening physically and spiritually (56:56) Resources from this episode:✨Interested in a future Rythmia Ayahuasca retreat with me? Drop a DM on Instagram @heyandreaowen or email support[at]andreaowen.com with the subject line “AYA Interested” to be added to the interest list! My Ketamine Therapy Journey secret podcast seriesRythmia Retreat Andrea on Instagram @heyandreaowen Book recommendations: I love a good personal development book, and you do too, right? I’ve compiled a list of book recommendations, as mentioned in past episodes. Check out these amazing book recommendations here. Happy reading!   MSN is supported by: We love the sponsors that make our show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: andreaowen.com/sponsors/ Episode link: https://andreaowen.com/podcast/690 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I know, I know, I’ve been talking about grief a decent amount lately, and this week’s episode brings yet another angle—one we don’t talk about nearly enough. This is about the kind of grief that sneaks in long after the breakup papers are signed and the dust has settled. The grief that only makes itself known once you’ve created enough distance, or when—surprise!—you fall in love again and finally feel safe enough to feel. And this doesn’t just happen after a marriage ends and someone falls in love again. It can happen in our friendships, relationships with family, even jobs or careers.  In this episode, I’m sharing the surprising grief that surfaced two and a half years after leaving a long relationship. This isn’t the obvious “heartbreak grief” that hits you right after the end. This is the grief that comes from looking in the review mirror. From realizing how much you self-abandoned, finally feeling seen and loved, and grieving all the versions of yourself that didn’t get that. We’re also looking at what it really means to “grow apart” in a relationship, why you can’t prescribe someone else’s evolution (aka “how can I get my partner to be into personal growth more?”), and how love (new or long-term) can become an amplifier for healing if you let it. If you’ve ever asked, “How do I get my significant other  on board with my personal growth and their own?” or “Why does this new relationship feel so tender and terrifying at the same time?”—this one’s for you. Why “growing apart” is more than a vague excuse—and how to tell when it’s actually happening The quiet grief that follows clarity and hindsight How self-abandonment can masquerade as “keeping the peace” The sneaky ways we shrink to feel loved (and how that resentment creeps in) What happens when new love cracks you wide open in the best (and hardest) ways Why some grief only shows up after you feel safe How love can either be a bypass or an amplifier; and why the difference matters Interested in my next group program? It’s deep, intimate, and designed for this kind of layered, soul-level work. It's still in development (she doesn’t even have a name yet, but currently referring to it as “The Deep Work” 👀), but if you're curious, send me a message and I’ll personally reach out with more details when I have them soon.  Resources from this episode Leaving People Behind podcast episode DM me on Instagram @heyandreaowen and tell me what resonated most from this episode. Book recommendations: I love a good personal development book, and you do too, right? I’ve compiled a list of book recommendations, as mentioned in past episodes. Check out these amazing book recommendations here. Happy reading!   MSN is supported by: We love the sponsors that make our show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: andreaowen.com/sponsors/ https://andreaowen.com/podcast/689 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week’s episode is all about spiritual deconstruction, what it is, why it happens, and what comes after. I’m joined by Brittney Hartley, an atheist spiritual director with a Master’s in Theology who has created a captivated following with her content. I love how Brittany talks about this topic with honesty, clarity, and depth. I wanted to bring this topic to the podcast because so much of what I teach is about deconstructing beliefs that no longer work for us and figuring out what does actually work for you. Religion is often one of those things. From both my personal experience and what I know so many of you have gone through, I think you’re going to love this conversation with Brittney. Here’s what really hit me in our conversation: spiritual deconstruction isn’t just about walking away from religion. It’s about rebuilding a sense of meaning that actually aligns with who you are, not who you were told to be. Brittney shares what helped her through the unlearning process, how religious trauma shows up in sneaky ways (especially for women), and why reclaiming your intuition and identity is deeply spiritual work. What you’ll hear about in this episode: Brittney’s spiritual deconstruction story from Mormonism to theology school to becoming an Atheist Spiritual Director (5:40) Personality traits more likely to lead to deconstruction (spoiler: empathy, curiosity, and authenticity play a big role) (13:27) The sneakier signs of spiritual trauma for women raised in patriarchal religions (15:33) Anchors and practices that helped Brittney rebuild her identity, including discovering core values (20:34) The biggest culprit of religious trauma for women (28:35) Resources from this episode: Interested in doing deeper work within a group setting and with me? Drop a DM on Instagram @heyandreaowen or email support[at]andreaowen.com with the note “Interested in your deeper work” and I’ll send you more details. Britt’s website Britt’s book, No Nonsense Spirituality Britt on Instagram @nononsensespirituality The Heroine’s Journey, Maureen Murdock Deconstruction, Dogma, and Spiritual Beliefs with David Hayward Book recommendations: I love a good personal development book, and you do too, right? I’ve compiled a list of book recommendations, as mentioned in past episodes. Check out these amazing book recommendations here. Happy reading!   MSN is supported by: We love the sponsors that make our show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: andreaowen.com/sponsors/ Episode link: https://andreaowen.com/podcast/688 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices