Sex and Psychology Podcast

Every relationship we have could benefit from defining some boundaries, whether we’re talking about relationships with our employers, friends, or sexual partners. However, most of us aren’t very good at establishing them because setting boundaries feels like saying “no,” and no can be a really difficult word to say for a lot of reasons. So let’s talk about boundaries. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss everything you need to know, including when to discuss them, how to communicate boundaries effectively, as well as how to move on when boundary violations occur. I am joined by Dr. Alison Ash, a trauma-informed intimacy coach and educator, Stanford University Lecturer, author, and founder of TurnON.love. Some of the topics we discuss include: Why setting boundaries is so hard. How to figure out your own boundaries, because sometimes we don’t know what they are yet. The fluidity of boundaries over time. When and how to reveal your boundaries in a relationship. Tips for starting a productive conversation about boundaries. How to listen better when a partner expresses their boundaries. How to recover and repair a relationship when boundaries get crossed. To learn more about Dr. Aly, visit TurnON.love and follow @TurnON.love on Instagram. For information on Dr. Aly’s upcoming Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills Mastercourse starting in January 2023, visit TurnON.love/intimacy Thanks to the Scarlet Society (scarletsociety.com) and Cozy Earth (cozyearth.com) for sponsoring this episode! The Scarlet Society is here to help you explore what it is that brings you pleasure and cultivate the relationships you deserve. It’s your new home for trusted resources aimed at helping women navigate sex and love after age 40. Visit scarletsociety.com to learn more and liberate your sexuality. Discover bedtime bliss with Cozy Earth’s bamboo sheet set and loungewear. Their temperature regulating and moisture wicking fabric will keep you cool and comfortable all night long–any time of year. Visit cozyearth.com and get 35% off sitewide when you use my exclusive discount code: SEXANDPSYCHOLOGY *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Some people want to have sexual and romantic relationships but are unable to do so. They are involuntarily celibate. For some, this perceived inability to form and maintain sexual and romantic relationships becomes a defining feature of the self—a social identity known as “incel.” In the popular media, incels tend to be characterized as misogynists and male supremecists who are prone to violence. However, the truth about incels is more complex, and it turns out that the incels aren’t exactly who we think they are. So let’s take a look inside the minds of incels. I am joined by William Costello, a PhD student at the University of Texas at Austin, where he is a member of Dr. David Buss’s Evolutionary Psychology lab. He holds a Masters in Psychology, Culture, and Evolution from Brunel University London and his dissertation investigated the psychology of incels. Some of the topics we discuss include: Why incels have always been around, and how modern incels are different. Why changes in the mating market are creating more incels. What do people who identify as incel look like? Do they match up with the stereotypes (i.e., young, White, conservative)? Why popular dating advice given to incels isn’t helpful. What the mental health of incels looks like. Are incels inherently prone to violence? To learn more about William, follow him on Twitter @CostelloWilliam Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education. The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Flirting and seduction can be tricky business. For example, when you want to let someone else know you’re interested, what do you even say? And how can you tell when someone is just being polite and friendly vs. actually flirting with you? Let’s talk about it! Today’s episode will tell you what you need to know about leveling-up your flirting game (in a non-sleazy way!), how read other people’s flirting cues, how to deal with rejection, and more. I am joined by Dr. Alison Ash, a trauma-informed intimacy coach and educator, Stanford University Lecturer, author, and founder of TurnON.love. Some of the topics we discuss include: Tips for ethical flirting. The fine line between expressing attraction and desire for someone vs. manipulation. How you can tell whether another person is really into you and isn’t just being nice–and how this is different when you’re flirting online vs. in person. How to build up your confidence so that you’re not second-guessing yourself when you flirt. How to de-escalate when someone flirts with you and you’re not into it. How to cope with rejection in the dating marketplace. To learn more about Dr. Aly, visit TurnON.love and follow @TurnON.love on Instagram. For information on Dr. Aly’s upcoming Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills Mastercourse starting in January 2023, visit TurnON.love/intimacy Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.  Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In 1947, Dr. Alfred Kinsey established the Institute for Sex Research to protect and preserve his pioneering research on human sexuality. Later renamed the Kinsey Institute, the organization founded by Dr. Kinsey has continued his legacy for 75 years. While many other sex research institutes founded by pioneers in the field have shut down, Kinsey has survived by adapting to the ever-shifting sexual landscape and its researchers continue to break new ground in the field. In today’s episode, we’re going to discuss the past, present, and future of the Kinsey Institute. I am joined by Dr. Justin Garcia, the current director of the Kinsey Institute. Dr. Garcia is an evolutionary biologist and sex researcher whose work focuses on the evolutionary and biocultural foundations of romantic and sexual relationships across the life course. He is also a professor of gender studies at Indiana University and the scientific advisor to Match.com. Some of the topics we discuss include: How did the Institute originally came into existence, and how has its purpose and mission evolved over time? What are some of the biggest scientific contributions made by the Kinsey Institute that have changed the way people think about sex? What is the role of the Institute in preserving sexual and erotic art and history? (Fun fact: the Kinsey Institute is home to the world’s largest collection of erotic art and artifacts outside of the Vatican!) What are some of the biggest challenges the Institute has faced over the last 75 years, and what are the modern challenges? What does the future hold for the Kinsey Institute? To learn more about the Kinsey Institute, visit kinseyinstitute.org and follow @kinseyinstitute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about Dr. Garcia, follow @drjustingarcia on Twitter. Thanks to the Cozy Earth (cozyearth.com) for sponsoring this episode! Discover bedtime bliss with Cozy Earth’s bamboo sheet set and loungewear. Their temperature regulating and moisture wicking fabric will keep you cool and comfortable all night long–any time of year. Visit cozyearth.com and get 35% off sitewide when you use my exclusive discount code: SEXANDPSYCHOLOGY *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Your brain truly is your biggest sex organ, which means that if you want to have more–and better–sex, the key is really to make sure that you’re in the right headspace. However, this is something that a lot of us struggle with. We’re just not in the right place mentally in order for desire to set in, or to let go and become fully immersed in pleasure. We’re too distracted. We’re too stressed. We’re constantly thinking about our own insecurities. But this doesn’t have to be the case. So let’s talk about how to change your mind so that you can change your sex life for the better. My guest today is Dr. Kelly Casperson, a urologist, sex educator, podcaster, and author of the new book You Are Not Broken: Stop Should-ing All Over Your Sex Life. Some of the topics we discuss include: Why mindset is everything when it comes to sex. Where to start when it comes to changing your sexual mindset. Why it’s important to step back and analyze your own motivations for having sex. Are you usually looking to obtain something positive, or to avoid something negative? Why it’s time to stop “should-ing” all over your sex life. Forget what you’re “supposed” to do; instead, do what it is that you actually want to do. Why NOW is the time to start making changes. How to identify your sexual “accelerators” and “brakes.” How to “show up” and be more in-the-moment during sex. To learn more about Kelly, follow @kellycaspersonmd on Instagram and check out her book You Are Not Broken. Thanks to the Cozy Earth (cozyearth.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! Discover bedtime bliss with Cozy Earth’s bamboo sheet set and loungewear. Their temperature regulating and moisture wicking fabric will keep you cool and comfortable all night long–any time of year. Visit cozyearth.com and get 35% off sitewide when you use my exclusive discount code: SEXANDPSYCHOLOGY The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Most people have had a sexual fantasy about something that would be illegal to do in reality. That’s normal. But talking about those fantasies sometimes gets people into a lot of trouble because law enforcement may look at fantasy as a sign of criminal intent. But does having a fantasy about doing something illegal and talking about it with others necessarily mean that you’re likely to do it? This is just one of many fascinating and complicated questions that arises in the area where sex, psychology, and the law intersect. Let’s talk about forensic psychology! I am joined once again by Dr. Lucy Neville, a Lecturer in Criminology at the University of Leicester. Some of the topics we explore in this show include: What does the work of a forensic psychologist actually entail? What sex scientists can bring to legal cases that center around sex crimes, and how pseudoscience hinders our ability to seek justice. What is the role of sexual fantasy in sexual offending? How do you determine whether sexual consent was present when disputes arise in legal proceedings? When consensual kink becomes a sex crime. How do you determine whether someone is likely to offend or reoffend? The role of forensic psychologists in working with victims. Check it out! To learn more about Lucy, visit her academic page here, follow @blue_stocking on Twitter, and get a copy of her book Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys. Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.  Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

A lot of people in long-term relationships lose desire for sex and start thinking there’s something wrong with them. But, in many cases, the problem isn’t that they lack desire per se–it’s that they’ve simply been having bad sex. They lost interest in sex because it just wasn’t worth having, which means that getting desire back isn’t about taking some pill or medication; rather, it’s about making sure that you’ve having sex that’s worth having. So let’s talk about how to make the shift from bad sex to good sex. My guest today is Dr. Kelly Casperson, a urologist, sex educator, author, and podcaster whose mission is empowering women to live their best love lives. She is author of the new book You Are Not Broken: Stop Should-ing All Over Your Sex Life. Some of the topics we discuss include: The three main types of “bad sex.” Why you need to stop approaching sex by thinking about what you “should” do. Why it’s a bad idea to use sex as a bargaining tool in a relationship. What it means to have good sex. Why perfection shouldn’t be the goal of sex and we should be aiming for “good-enough sex.” How to stop having bad sex. Tips for having good (or at least good-enough) sex. To learn more about Kelly, follow @kellycaspersonmd on Instagram and check out her book You Are Not Broken. Thanks to the Cozy Earth (cozyearth.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode! Discover bedtime bliss with Cozy Earth’s bamboo sheet set and loungewear. Their temperature regulating and moisture wicking fabric will keep you cool and comfortable all night long–any time of year. Visit cozyearth.com and get 35% off sitewide when you use my exclusive discount code: SEXANDPSYCHOLOGY Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

There are a lot of heterosexual women out there who enjoy watching man-on-man pornography. In fact, some of the most popular tube sites in the world have reported that gay male porn is amongst the most-watched genres by female visitors. So why is that? And why do so many of these women enjoy gay male porn more than heterosexual porn? Let’s explore! I am joined by Lucy Neville, a Lecturer in Criminology at the University of Leicester, a published writer of erotica (under a pen name), and pornography researcher. She is author of the book Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys. Some of the topics we explore include: How common is it for heterosexual people to watch gay porn in general? Why is straight porn often unappealing to heterosexual women? What do so many women find appealing about gay male porn? What role does sexual equality (i.e., versatility) have in the appeal of gay porn? “Gaypropriation”: is it exploitative for women to consume gay male porn? Is the rise of porn made by women, for women changing what women seek in erotic content? Check it out! To learn more about Lucy, visit her academic page here and follow @blue_stocking on Twitter. Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.  The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Many sex therapists have argued that women’s sexual desire is relational, meaning that as long as a woman is in a good relationship and she’s connected with her partner, interest in sex should naturally follow. But that doesn’t match up with reality. A lot of women with low sexual desire say that their relationships are otherwise perfect. Why is that? It turns out that the things that make for a very satisfying relationship are sometimes at odds with the things that turn us on. So is it even possible to “have it all” in a relationship? Let’s talk about it! My guest today is Dr. Marta Meana, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas.  She is also an Associate Editor at the Journal of Sex Research and the author of numerous academic publications on women’s sexual desire. Some of the topics we discuss include: Diversity in how sexual desire is experienced. Why long-term monogamy is hard on sexual desire for everyone, but especially for women. How problems with low sexual desire are generally treated. Why “wanting to be wanted” is at the core of women’s sexual desire. Whether it’s possible to maintain both intense intimacy and intense passion at the same time. Why women are more likely than men to see themselves as the object of desire in their fantasies. How having more erotic self-focus can benefit women’s (and their partners’) sex lives. The psychology behind women’s forced sex fantasies. Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) for sponsoring this episode! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.  *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

When it comes to sex, you deserve to get what you want and to be in control of your body, your pleasure, and your sexual health. However, in order to do that, you have to be sexually empowered. You have to know what it is that you want in the first place, and be able to communicate about that. This is something that a lot of us really struggle with, so let’s talk about sexual empowerment. Today’s show is all about building up your sexual self-confidence, learning how to ask for what you want, and being able to say no when there’s something you don’t want. Dr. Tara is back to give us tips on sexual empowerment. She is an associate professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton, a sex and relationship coach, and host of the podcast Luvbites. Some of the topics we discuss include: What it means to be sexually empowered. Where to start when it comes to building up sexual self-confidence. How to stop judging your own fantasies and desires. How to tell your partner what you want. How to say no to things you don’t want. The role of contraception and abortion rights in sexual empowerment. The difference between sexual empowerment and attention-seeking behavior. Check it out! To learn more about Dr. Tara and listen to her Luvbites show, visit luvbites.co Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education. The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.