Don't Mom Alone Podcast

My guest today is Ruth Chou Simons. She’s a mom of six boys and an author and entrepreneur. You may know her best from the beautiful watercolor prints and products she creates for her business on Gracelaced.com.  In her newest book, Beholding and Becoming: The Art of Everyday Worship, Grace shares about how every day is an opportunity to be shaped and formed by what moves our hearts and captures our gaze.  We dive into what that looks like in Ruth’s life and how choosing to focus on Christ changes everything from our perspective on our parenting and work to how we look to others.  The most unhappy I get is if I get preoccupied with somebody else's story. And I don't give thanks and I don't jot down reminders of how he's provided for the ultimate story of redemption in my life. And also how he's working that out day by day and writing my story anew. We talk about how our fast-paced, hustle culture steals the joy and the beauty away from the everyday faithfulness of growing in God. My favorite reminder she shared is, “You don’t have to be blooming to be growing.” So true. How often do we start something and expect instant gratification and quick wins? We want easy-to-share glossy images of success. But God looks at our hearts. At the slow growing happening under the surface. We are all in process with God until we see him in heaven.  Let’s celebrate the small wins and focus on turning our eyes toward God and away from the distractions and hollow gratification of social media. As Ruth reminds us, we become what we behold. Those small, unseen decisions really add up to who we are.  Because at the end of the day, every action we have is really stemming out of our belief in our worship. And so how you think, and how you believe, and what you believe is the most beautiful and worthy of gazing at in your life will actually translate into what you do next. What your little moments every day are accumulating to be for a lifetime. What we chat about: Focusing on the beauty of what God has created vs comparing our lives to someone else’s on social media At the root of dissatisfaction in our lives is an underlying struggle with identity. Is our identity found in Christ or is it found in everything going our way? Growing our appetite for the things of God by choosing to fill our time with his Word. The struggles women have with wanting to do something perfectly or not at all  Celebrating the process of growing vs seeing immediate fruit in our lives What you believe is the most beautiful and worthy of gazing at in your life will actually translate into what you do next The goal isn’t just to experience God’s provision, but to trust that his presence in our lives is enough “Nearness to God brings likeness to God. The more you see God, the more of God will be seen in you.” - C.H Spurgeon

For a variety of reasons, childhood anxiety rates are soaring, especially among girls. My guest Sissy Goff is here to share some of her insights on how to recognize worry and anxiety in your daughter and empower her to overcome. We talk about tools we can use to help us understand why our brains are often working against us in times of anxiety and grounding techniques to slow and stop the emotional spiral that often ensues.  “We always want her to know she's stronger than her worries and that she has a voice to talk back to the worry. A lot of people who work with kids call it the worry monster because that separates it out from her voice. We don't want her to think it's the truth, which is what kids are going to think when they have voices in their heads telling them things.” This is a short, hope-filled bonus episode that just scratches the surface on all that we can learn about equipping our kids to work through anxiety. For more encouragement, follow Sissy and her team at https://www.raisingboysandgirls.com and watch for her book Raising Worry-Free Girls coming out September 17.    What we chat about: 1 in 4 kids are dealing with anxiety of some kind and girls are twice as likely to feel it Anxiety is hard to recognize in kids. Sometimes it comes out as anger or meltdowns and other times it’s deeply buried People whose personalities lean toward Type A tend to have baseline anxiety at all times. If your child’s personality leans that direction, it’s important to give them tools to deal with it Anxiety is always an overestimation of the problem and an underestimation of ourselves Techniques to help a child with anxiety calm down and redirect blood flow to their prefrontal cortex Integrating our faith as we teach our kids to fight back against fear and worry

Fellow boy moms, this episode is for you! This chat with Monica Swanson another mom of four boys and author of the new book Boy Mom dives into a lot of your questions about how to raise your boys to be godly men.  We talk about encouraging strong friendships between brothers, teaching boys to be strong AND gentle, and about the importance of giving our sons ways to experience excitement and adventure while getting some of their natural aggression out in safe physical activities. “I am a big believer that boys were made for adventure that they need to have some excitement in their lives I think is just how God wired them. They're little warriors who need to experience some thrills. A lot of the trouble boys can get into is related to when they're lacking authentic adventure, when they're not facing challenges and overcoming obstacles.” Monica has two boys out of high school and two still in the nest, so she offers a lot of hope for those of us in the trenches of parenting to keep pressing into relationship with our sons and to make the practicals of faith an anchor in all that we do.  “God is so big and so powerful and he can move mountains on behalf of your son. He wants your son's heart more than you even know. We get our boys plugged in everywhere we can. We want them to have so many positive spiritual models in their life that there's no denying that God is the best way to go. It about coming alongside them and saying, ‘This is for your best. God is for you. Let's walk this life with him.’”   What we chat about: Monica’s four boys and working with very different personalities  Building healthy brother relationships and dealing with kids who hit Boys need to let out their energy with exercise and physical activity Setting healthy boundaries for your kids with manners and learning to laugh with them about it too Teaching boys how to balance strength and kindness by pointing them to the stories of godly men The power of shoulder to shoulder conversations with boys and why to keep pressing into conversation with them Motivating boys to get excited about school and finding hobbies and interests Ideas for how to foster adventure for your boys and learning not to parent from a place of fear Fostering faith in your sons through time in the Word, prayer and modeling

With the ability to connect with anyone, anywhere in the world, feels like we’re more isolated and ineffective than ever. But what if we worried less about making a big impact.  And focused more on doing the things in front of us with quality and depth? I’m a big fan of this week's mentor, Shontell Brewer. She’s a wise mom to five kiddos. And she has an excellent sense of humor. More than that, she has discipled her children well to love and serve others around them. Discipleship can be organic. Keeping your ministry small enough. To be present wherever God has placed you. In this episode, which originally aired as Episode 140 (Oct 2016), Shontell and I talk about discipleship during dinner conversations. She shares her method of asking really specific questions. And giving her kiddos a challenge for the day to love others in tangible ways (e.g., encouraging a 4 year old to compliment his preschool teacher). My most favorite thing we talk about is Taco Tuesday. The last Tuesday of the month, the Brewer family serves up meat & tortillas. They invite coaches, teachers, friends, neighbors (any one who interacts regularly with their kids) into their home.  We love on our community one taco at a time. I shared the idea with my boys and they wanted to do it the next night (“Taco Tuesday, but on a Monday”). I’ll let you know how that goes. We may go the Pizza Friday route (love our community one slice at a time). Shontell also inspired me to help open my boys’ spiritual eyes. And to encourage them to fight over who is going to put the other one first. What we chat about: How women apologize for their carpet Keeping your ministry small Specific questions to ask during dinner time conversations How Shontell helped her daughter minister to her Starbucks’ manager Sending your kids to school with a basic challenge to bless someone Setting the habit of conversation and other family “norms” Learning to not be offended when our kids aren’t performing Parenting small with intimate corrective conversations The BEST idea to invite people into your home monthly–> Taco Tuesdays!

Being a mom reveals your most broken places. I often think motherhood would be easy if my boys behaved better. Or maybe if I read one more parenting book. Or if I finally caught the magical contentment unicorn just beyond my grasp. Of course, none of those options really pan out (especially the unicorn). It’s my own junk. Every day the yuck in my heart rises to the surface. But with the pace of life and needs of my people, it’s hard to stop and examine the “yuck” more closely. Recently our small group has been attending a recovery program at our church. Through some honest self-examination and community, God’s been showing me where I’ve held wrong beliefs. And how they impact my relationships. Today’s podcast guest, Lynn Hoffman, helped start our church’s recovery program 15 years ago. And God also led her to write “Steps into God’s Grace”, a bible study based on the 12 steps of recovery. In this episode, Lynn shares her own struggle with performance, people pleasing and codependency. She gives insight into why recovery isn’t just for addicts. And she encourages us to identify our own emotions so we can teach our children to do the same. Recovery became a safe place where I could go and be with other people who were willing to be honest. Stop pretending and start talking about the reality of the problems in their life. And lean on God to change and discover new realities in their life.

Ever want to hear from the woman behind rock star kids? In this episode, Helen Smallbone, mother of 7 grown children including Christian music stars Joel and Luke Smallbone (For King & Country) and Rebecca St. James, shares stories of motherhood and practical advice she’s learned along the way. She and her husband moved their family from Australia to America more than 25 years ago. It was a faith-building journey that changed their family forever.    “Sometimes when you face life crises what God’s doing is setting a new foundation. In this time, he took everything away from us,” Smallbone said. “We had no money, no resources, no family and no friends.  But in that refining process, he gave everything back to us, but with a new foundation where he was the provider. He showed himself to be faithful for providing all our needs.” Stories of living by faith and God providing for the Smallbone family when they moved from Australia to America Homeschooling a large family and fostering responsibility and work skills in your kids Teaching family values while dealing with bad attitudes and behaviors in your kids Taking a “time out” as a mom to pray for your children and waiting on the Lord for breakthrough for specific ways to resolve behavior problems Focusing on the eternal value of building relationships with our kids versus the temporary focus on everyday tasks Spending time with children who may be acting out because they need more attention How quantity time often becomes quality time with our families Taking a traditional naptime or quiet time after lunch with fill yourself up to finish the day strong as a mom Keeping the communication line open with your children no matter their age.

As a licensed marriage and family therapist and life coach, Kim Fredrickson counseled and taught others about self-compassion for years. When she received an unexpected terminal diagnosis of pulmonary fibrosis, a rare side-effect of the treatment she had received for breast cancer, she wrote a book to leave for her children on giving that same compassion to the grandchildren she will never meet. On June 3rd, 2019, Kim passed on to be in the presence of her Savior. We are grateful for a way to honor her legacy by re-releasing her fantastic mentorship. (This episode originally aired in January 2018). When people feel ashamed, they blame other people because they feel like if I really look at my shame then I’m going to collapse inside. That’s why self-compassion is desperately important because kids feel shame a lot. They fail at everything at the start. What we chat about: Kim’s story of receiving a devastating diagnosis after completing treatment for breast cancer How she’s chosen to spend the years she has left with her family The new book she wrote for when her children have kids called “Give Your Kids a Break: Parenting with Compassion for You and Your Children” How it’s a process to develop a compassionate inner voice Applying grace and truth to every situation in our lives Variety of temperaments--some that are harder on themselves than others. The difference between self-compassion and self-pity Encouraging your children to practice self-compassion and reinforcing it by showing ourselves that same Giving our kids the language to identify their failings and separate them from their self- worth Moms have a really hard job. It’s ok to acknowledge that. The importance of taking care of ourselves as moms How to talk to your kids after you’ve been hard on yourself and reframing it with self compassion

Oh friendship! A gift that can bring incredible joy and cause great pain. If female relationships weren't tricky enough, our wounded selves bump into each other causing even deeper hurts. But what are we to do? How do we heal, move forward and develop lasting friendships? Thankfully, my friend, Lisa-Jo Baker came on the show back in April of 2017 to help. With content from her book, "Never Unfriended", on episode 159 we talked about friendship wounds. And Lisa-Jo pointed us to Jesus, the only One who promises to heal and never leave us. Jesus is never tired of me always needing Him. Instead, He is delighted by how desperately I need His validation and He never, ever withholds it from me. Or from you. - excerpt from "Never Unfriended" by Lisa-Jo What do we fear most in friendship How to include the new girl and ignore the "cool kid" lies How to heal past friendship wounds. Turning to Jesus for meat and potatoes soul filling. Not blaming social media for our heart issues. How do you survive a friendship break-up. The hope of reconciliation and knowing when to let go.

The first guest in our mentorship series is Nancy Williams**. She is known by her 9 grandchildren & 4 great-grandchildren to label each family gathering as "the best ever". Her phrase perfectly summarizes this podcast. The show first aired in February of 2014 (Episode 11) and was titled "Best Ever Life". Based on the title, you may be surprised to discover Nancy's motherhood journey includes many trials and heartache. But she views each challenge as an "opportunity" (her word) to see the power of God at work. This interview is bursting with Truth and wisdom. Here's a brief summary of the topics we cover: How to keep your thoughts and perspective in check when your husband works long hours. Where to turn with your parenting questions. How to respond when the consequences of sin enter your children's lives How to share a simple family tradition of gratitude and love (fabulous idea!) How to deal with mom guilt (a.k.a., the part of the podcast where I get emotional) How to help your children turn to God when you can't meet all their needs. SUCH good stuff. I was most encouraged to hear this message from Nancy: This can be the "best life ever", no matter the circumstances, if it includes eternal salvation for our children and unconditional love in our homes. 

Kat Armstrong, the guest from one of my most popular episodes is back on the podcast to share the message of her new book, No More Holding Back. The first question we talk about is, “Can a woman learn too much about Jesus?” A light topic, right? “The greatest commandment says we have to love God with our heart, soul, mind and strength — all of it. And it's the priority. It's the priority over anyone's role in our home. We have to be all-in for Jesus. We can't let our fears, our insecurities, our roles, our titles, or anything to do with our spouses impede our progress to learn about Jesus.” Kat shares powerfully about our role as an image bearer of God, the importance of elevating women’s voices in our communities of faith and living completely into the assignments God gives us. We also talk about giving what we have to offer even if feels imperfect or broken in the same way that the widow in Mark 12 gave out of her need. “If you have a broken heart, it counts. I have a broken heart right now about my dad. I still want to love God with it all and I don't have to have it all together or healed yet to apply it to the Great Commission. And if you have a weary soul and you're questioning your faith, you can give that to God and he counts it as worthy. If you have a confused mind. If you're struggling with anxiety, depression, decision making, and things don't make sense in your world, you can give that to God.”