Something Positive for Positive People

In "Psychocybernetics", Dr. Maxwell Maltz shares a story of a weary traveler who is hunched over, fatigued and moving slowly as he progresses down the road. Along the way, he's met by a child who points out a heavy boulder on his shoulders, asking "why are you carrying that boulder?". The traveler hadn't thought about it before and set it alongside the rode and progressed with a straighter posture, standing proudly. Another stranger notices some weeds around the travelers ankles and knees which the traveler hadn't noticed before, so he pulls out his pocket knife and cut them off, now walking upright and at a faster pace with greater stride down the road. The point of this story is to highlight that the traveler had problems that he was completely unaware of. He struggled without knowing he was until these things slowing him down were brought into his awareness. We have the ability to heal ourselves and move at greater strides in life, but only when what needs to be healed is then revealed.

Who gets herpes and then writes about their sex life? I'll tell you who! Carolyn Toney! After her friends' support caught her off guard compared to the negative feedback she expected thanks to stigma, she was pretty comfortable out the gate about her status. Her blog, Tales of Toney (link below) is where she writes about her amazing sex life despite having HSV. She poses the question in dating, "If I didn't have herpes, would I still want to be with them?". Carolyn has a big confidence about her that we need in this community. It's amazing to have an outspoken black woman who is polyamorous, unapologetically herself and advocating for sexual health conversations in the communities we represent. Carolyn has appeared on the Whoreable Decisions Podcast episode 128 and the Shit I'm 30 Podcast episode 88 spreading that good word about sex positivity! Check out Carolyn's stories by visiting www.talesoftoney.com

There's a lesson on forgiveness to be learned here. I've always considered myself fortunate to not know where I got herpes from. Not knowing left me with no one to blame. What about those who have a firm belief they know exactly where they got it from and those who know due to having been informed? This podcast is for those people. Learning to take the lesson on forgiveness when you come to learn that there really is just no blame.

We open out the gate with ethics of people practicing various forms of therapy without any certifications. Sometimes people NEED therapists, but WANT a friend. Without being dismissive, we sort through how you as a friend can suggest therapy without running the risk of losing a friend like we may fear. The conversation went several different directions but definitely loads of useful information and nuggets. For starters, people aren't necessarily boring, they are often HIDING. Hiding their true selves in fear of being found out and judged. Why do we sometimes feel more safe opening up to strangers than we do our own support system? Can there be romance without finance? Why do we make marriage about love when it has historically been about status and resources? We discuss compersion in multiple relationships and how outsourcing different needs and wants is more of the norm. When one feels challenged by this, you have to ask why you view it as a threat. Last but not least, queer sex is where it's at!

If you're considering purchasing a herpes cure from one of those social media accounts that shares the Gmail email address as a contact, please just don't. What you should do is consider listening to someone who did purchase it so that you can be best equipped to make the best decision for yourself. Our guest shares the red flags she missed so that you can find your way to healing that doesn't cost $2k. As of the release of this podcast episode, there is no known cure for herpes that permanently removes the virus from our nerves, prevents outbreaks or protect partners from exposure. Our guest's story involves sexual assault so protect yourself as needed while listening through this podcast episode.

Respecting identities is suicide prevention. Our guest this week shares her earliest memories of homophobia experienced by her father. She reflects on her anger up until 35 years of age when she finally saw fit to just be herself. Despite having lost her comfort in the privilege she had, she is far more happy and confident now than she ever was in denial about who she was. Please enjoy this episode of Something Positive for Positive People with Staci Bratten!

The response we receive to our first disclosure often shapes how we move forward with future disclosures. A positive experience shapes our expected response just as a negative one does. We talk about disclosing in kink in a sense of comparing sex in kink communities as it parallels with driving in NASCAR. I really loved this analogy! Most important, we discuss the idea that relationships aren't all about sexual intimacy. It's more than that and when we enter relationships, we share space psychologically, emotionally, energetically. There’s an echo that follows when I speak but our guest is crystal clear. I encourage you to listen without headphones or just turn me down when I speak so that you can get this great content from Laura!

Seems like whenever I question or doubt myself in this space I'm met with just what I need to see or hear from someone. I share thank you messages on social media but this one . . . I let Heather share

There are many ways to get involved with advocacy. In my experience, I've connected with people who get inspired by someone's work in this space and charge into making a social media post sharing that they are positive for herpes. If you're in that space, I encourage you to listen to this podcast episode so that you have more perspective to make the most informed decision you possibly can.

After a positive diagnosis, one can experience a loss of identity. Clarice Connelly and I go into the development of identity and healthy places to construct your new identity.