Latter Day Struggles

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part XI of XII]In this episode you meet TJ, a wonderful young man navigating the complexities of young single adult life as a gay member of the LDS church. He shares his story about slowly and gradually learning to accept his infinite lovability in God's eyes, which led to his eventual ability to also accept his sexual identity. TJ shares with Valerie his ongoing process sorting out what he’s been taught about the plan of salvation…what feels right, what feels wrong, what is known, and what is unknown. This conversation is a powerful opportunity to better understand the extremely challenging position that our beloved queer loved ones (or what we ourselves) experience due to the current eternal marriage and family theology in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.It highlights that there are many who want to feel the love and belonging of their LDS affiliation, but struggle ultimately escaping a theology that reinforces in-groups and out-groups, exclusion, and isolation in a variety of significant ways. When theology excludes, it is not God’s way. And followers of God must speak in love and defense of those excluded.Support the showListen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Subscription $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Subscription $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Donate: ⁠Venmo or Patreon⁠ Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part X of XII]Join Valerie in this incredibly tender episode with two sets of LDS parents with children on the LGBTQ+ spectrum as they share their journey as individuals, as a couple, and as a family system embracing their gay and transgender children.Each of these beautiful parents walk us through their early years of life in the LDS church and their varying experiences embracing the doctrines of eternal marriage and the ‘together forever’ family and how their lives shifted (and are still shifting) in relationship to the LDS church as each of these brave parents navigate their deepening commitment to the first and greatest law: To Love One Another. Support the showListen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Subscription $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Subscription $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Donate: ⁠Venmo or Patreon⁠ Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part IX of XII]In this portion of this series featuring the tender stories of individuals learning about the complexities of the LDS eternal marriage theology first hand, Valerie visits with Cindy, a woman brave enough to share her story of her two marriages.Her first marriage was the result of young Cindy’s desire to please her orthodox family, her ward, and her church by marrying the Mormon “ideal man” despite her own reservations and internal discomfort. Listen in as she shares her tender memories as an idealistic young woman trying to earn love, measure up to her learned ideas of enough-ness in a patriarchal system, and finally her eventual strength to divorce and truly begin her journey to selfhood.When she fell in love with a “non-member” [insert a gasp here, please] she was consoled by the hope that eventually he would see the light, conform, convert, and therefore make everything okay.What unfolds is a beautiful story of deep love, compassion, and patience…on the part of Cindy’s husband, as he waited for her to grow up and realize that their marriage was precious just exactly as they each were—different, complex, and accepting of the otherness of the other. Cindy’s story is evidence that marriage is not about right belief and religious conformity. It is about patience, grace, and love.Support the showListen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Subscription $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Subscription $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Donate: ⁠Venmo or Patreon⁠ Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part VIII of XII]Join Valerie and her special guest Lark, a single woman who candidly shares her painful journey beginning in the youth program aspiring to check every single box on the Mormon woman spectrum that was practically guaranteed to bring her all of the love, fulfillment, and satisfaction earth or heaven could offer.This seemed all good and fine until life didn't cooperate and Lark found it imperative either sink in sorrow or challenge her deeply embedded paradigm handed her by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.In this beautiful interview Val and Lark walk through her raw and sacred process taking ownership of her own divinely appointed life, its unique sorrows, its unique joys, and how this life continues to be the place where Lark is satisfying her own brave, harrowing and sacred hero's journey.She shares how she came to realize that the eternal marriage doctrine was not only not helpful, it was actively hurting her relationship with herself and with her divine parents, and therefore in need of an update on her own terms.Her story is beautiful and inspiring.Support the showListen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Subscription $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Subscription $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Donate: ⁠Venmo or Patreon⁠ Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part VII of XII]In this final autobiographical portion of this series focusing on the complexities of the LDS eternal marriage doctrine, Valerie and Nathan reflect on their own relationships with fear and shame as driving forces in their own formative years.This conversation spans several topics including fears around singlehood (and the deep psychological wounds inflicted by the current doctrine on LDS singles) and fears that one's formal relationship with the church (oddly, not with each other and not God…) could rip otherwise deeply loving and bonded families apart as well as estrange heavenly parents from their children. Also of significance, they explore the possibility that fear (not love...) might be a primary means by which the institution motivates belief, loyalty, and compliance. Losing one’s dearest loved ones FOREVER is, after all, a pretty scary idea…and one that might motivate just about anyone to do/believe just about anything. The salient point here, is that love can bond us to each other, God, and love-infused Christian doctrine in ways that fear and shame NEVER CAN. And when motivated by love, we (humans and institutions) become more and more like the loving God who created us and daily nurtures us. Next up in this series: several touching interviews with individuals uniquely impacted and shaped (and currently reshaping for themselves) the LDS Eternal marriage theology.Support the showListen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Subscription $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Subscription $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Donate: ⁠Venmo or Patreon⁠ Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part VI of XII]In this very personal episode, Val and Nathan talk about their own lived experiences around the LDS eternal marriage doctrine and specifically how they have navigated concepts of patriarchy and eternal polygamy. Valerie expands the concepts of masculinity and femininity and shares thoughts on how these concepts are often confused with our socialized understandings of maleness and femaleness. She goes on to explore why these misunderstandings get in the way of relational development and impedes our unique individual development as beautiful combinations of both masculine and feminine strength and energy.They also talk about why institutionalized patriarchy can and often does insidiously make its way into the home and consequently is growth-stunting and intimacy-killing in relationships both in this life and beyond. These ideas need to be talked about. Formalized doctrine supporting patriarchy and eternal polygamy hurt women. They hurt men. They hurt marriage. They hurt the spiritual, psychological, and relational development of every person in the systems where they are formally upheld.Support the showListen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Subscription $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Subscription $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Donate: ⁠Venmo or Patreon⁠ Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part V of XII]In this very personal next several episodes in this series on the LDS theology of eternal marriage and its implications, Val and Nathan talk about their own marriage and how both individually and as a couple they have experienced plenty of soul-struggle in an effort to find the path that celebrates both relational intimacy (in all of its forms) as well as deep commitment to one's own and the others' personal growth.Val and Nathan walk through a timeline that follows their early more orthodox beliefs and practices in marriage and family, its impact, the accompanying suffering (different, but significant for each of them) and their eventual (and ongoing) change of paradigm.This paradigm shift has changed everything...from the way they self define, spend their time, and see themselves interacting in the world--as actors and creators of their own precious lives.Books referenced in this episode: Living An Examined Life, by James HollisThe Way to Love: The Last Meditations of Anthony de Mello: Image Pocket Classics, by Anthony de MelloSupport the showListen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Subscription $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Subscription $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Donate: ⁠Venmo or Patreon⁠ Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part IV of XII]In this fourth part of their ongoing series on the complexities of the LDS doctrine of eternal marriage, Val and Brannon tackle yet another tough but important facet of this subject: the possible engines that drive us all too often…Here are just a few of the many examples they explore in this episode: 1] FEAR:The fear of the eternal consequences of not marrying.The fear of divorce and it’s stigma in this life and implications in the next life.The fear of sharing faith expansion with a frightened partner. The fear of ruining one’s eternal family by one’s spiritual expansion experiences.2] SHAME:The shame coming with the silence when we feel compelled to not doubt.The shame of destroying our marriages as we evolve and grow and internalize that we are “betraying” our partners, parents, children, posterity.Val and Brannon’s deepest desire is to expose the IMPACT of our current theology and its massive implications on individuals striving to be in healthy connection with the LDS church.Their believe is that as the church has shaped us, it is our divine business to help reshape the church when there is evidence that one of its foundational theological concepts inadvertently wounds and estranges us from our divine identities.Support the showListen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Subscription $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Subscription $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Donate: ⁠Venmo or Patreon⁠ Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Join Valerie in her analysis of the recent breaking news regarding the financial settlement between the LDS church and the United States Securities and Exchange Commission regarding tithing holdings.  In this episode Valerie breaks down the following:An analysis of why, in a healthy relationship between ANY two parties [including between an individual and their church], one party does not decide unilaterally that ANY "matter is closed" especially in situations that involve a sacred breach of trust.What needs to happen after a violation of trust between two parties to heighten the possibility that trust can be restored. A proposal that the chief truth claim of the LDS church makes it vulnerable to struggles with honesty, transparency, and accountability.The correlation between institutional perfectionism, underlying shame, and struggles with honesty, transparency and accountability.A breakdown of valid and integrity-based victim responses that might follow a breach of trust when the perpetrating party chooses not to be transparent or accountable upon discovery of broken trust.An invitation to step into the healing power of the atonement of Jesus Christ, admit wrongdoing, and activate the potential for relational healing between the institution and the parties betrayed (both God and the tithe-paying membership of the LDS church).Research Mentioned in this episode:Books:Mormon Enigma: Emma Hale Smith, by Linda King NewellThe Challenge of Honesty: Essays for Latter-day Saints, by Frances Lee MenloveHelpful Links:SEC Order Against Ensign Peak and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day SaintsPodcasts: At Last She Said It | What About Tithing?Latter Day Struggles | Episode 35: The Shadow of Joseph's Polygamy and its ongoing Institutional ReverberationsMormon Stories Podcast | 1732: LDS Church Fined $5 Million for Hiding Money w/ Mark PugsleySupport the showListen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Subscription $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Subscription $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Donate: ⁠Venmo or Patreon⁠ Visit our Website

Send us a Positive Review!Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part III of XII]In this third of a multi-part series, Valerie and therapist colleague Brannon Patrick continue to unpack the very multifaceted doctrine of eternal marriage.In this episode Val and Brannon address the twin evils that profoundly impact every level of identity within the LDS church from the macro to the micro levels:PATRIARCHY and it’s painful offspring, POLYGAMY.Their analysis highlights that:while patriarchy continues to be institutionally endorsed, true partnership on any level [institutionally or within a marriage] can never be fully achieved, and thatthe eternal polygamy doctrine as currently still taught by the LDS church damages real-time marriage relationships and creates a corrosive power differential between partners that makes true healthy relationships of equality impossible to achieve unless/until this doctrine is rejected by both partners.Val and Brannon invite us all [members at every level of the LDS church] to look honestly and with humility at the theological ideas that shape [or misshape] our implicit sense of worth, and work together to receive more truth and light that is more consistent with the nature of our divine parents and our Savior and their incompressible love for all of their children.The doctrines discussed in today’s episode highlight the negative impact of institutionalized gender hierarchies both on earth and in the next life. Support the showListen, Share, Rate & Review EPISODES Friday Episodes Annual Subscription $89 Friday Episodes Monthly Subscription $10 Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups Donate: ⁠Venmo or Patreon⁠ Visit our Website