Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen

Emily Nagoski discusses the evolution of attraction towards a loved one's body, emphasizing the deep connection and love that fuels desire. She explores the science and art of sexual connection, advocating for understanding desire's complexity in relationships. The podcast delves into prioritizing pleasure, the cultural critique of TV show Naked Attraction, and the interplay of emotions in maintaining satisfying relationships.

Learn how expressing needs in a relationship strengthens trust and connection with insights from renowned therapists Drs. John & Julie Gottman. Delve into conflict dynamics, fighting styles, and effective communication strategies for successful relationships. Explore rebuilding trust post-infidelity, navigating conflict in same-sex couples, and the impact of childhood experiences on adult loneliness in relationships.

Philosopher Kate Manne discusses fatphobia, debunking myths about thinness, health, and control. She highlights the mistreatment of fat individuals, the correlation between fitness and health outcomes, and the impact of societal beauty standards. The episode sheds light on the pervasive nature of fatphobia and its harmful effects.

Aliza Pressman, an expert on self-regulation, discusses the importance of adults working on their own self-regulation for the benefit of children. They explore the impact of parents on children's development, the influence of culture and relationships, and the pitfalls of parenting scripts. The conversation also touches on parenting dynamics in a two-parent system, being selective about products brought into the house, and the concept of 'good enough' parenting.

Rabbi Sharon Brous, a faith leader, discusses centering marginalized voices in religious traditions and the need to address moral crises. She explores 'seeing each other's pain' and creating inclusive communities. The chapter also touches on meal delivery services, Masterclass, marginalized voices, gender equality, and the power of being present for others.

Connie Zweig, a psychologist specializing in shadow work, explores the concept of projection and the unconscious. They discuss positive and negative projections, the collective unconscious, tribalization in society, and the importance of elders. Finally, they emphasize the significance of embracing the shadow and doing our own shadow work for personal growth and societal change.

Today, it’s just me. I thought I’d round out the year by trying something different, and offering five big things I’ve learned this year.THINGS I REFERENCE: Owning Our Wanting, Wants vs. Needs Transactional Relationships & Shadow Vows Undoing the Drama Triangle, Are You Victim, Villain, or Hero? Facts vs. Stories Transcend and Include Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

“Nobody wants to be somebody with a serious substance use problem. Nobody wants to be addicted to a substance. I mean, it doesn't feel good. Dependency doesn't feel good. And we end up in there anyway, right? So I think if we can bring compassion and understanding to, wow, it must really be working in a way that's really powerful for them to keep pursuing it. And then you've got the physical effects of substances, right? So then our bodies physically get dependent, you know, so it starts out as like, it's probably working for an emotional or something in our life and then we become physically dependent on it. And then it's a whole nother host of things in terms of how do you stop it? And people don't fully understand treatment in terms of there's medications available.”So says Carrie Wilkens, PhD, a psychologist who is attempting to change the way we think about and address recovery and treatment—specifically by simply presenting evidence for what motivates change. AFter all, she is the co-president and CEO of CMC: Foundation for Change, a not-for-profit with the mission of improving the dissemination of evidence-based ideas and strategies to professionals and loved ones of persons struggling with substance use. As you’ll hear in this conversation—and throughout the entire series—we have not collectively been served by the mono-myth of addiction, that it’s only solved through harsh intervention and confrontation, that addicted people must hit rock-bottom, and that any involvement from concerned family and friends is inherently co-dependent or enabling.As Dr. Wilkins explains, this simply isn’t true: In fact, evidence overwhelmingly suggests that harsh confrontation and intervention works AGAINST recovery, and that there is a very specific and meaningful role for family to play in what can often feel like a family illness.The CMC:FFC team’s Invitation to Change approach is an accessible set of understandings and practices that empower families to remain engaged and be effective in helping their struggling loved one make positive changes. The approach has been widely used across the country and is utilized in trainings with laypeople and professionals. She is co-author of the award-winning book Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change, a practical guide for families dealing with addiction and substance problems in a loved one based on principles of Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT), and co-author of The Beyond Addiction Workbook for Family and Friends: Evidence-Based Skills to Help a Loved-One Make Positive Change.Dr. Wilkens is also the Co-Founder and Clinical Director of the Center for Motivation and Change, a group of clinicians serving all ages in NYC, Long Island, Washington, DC, San Diego, CA, and CMC:Berkshires, a private, inpatient/residential program for adults.Dr. Wilkens has been a Project Director on a large federally-funded Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) grant addressing the problems associated with binge drinking among college students. And she is a member of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies and the American Association of Addiction Psychiatrists.MORE FROM CARRIE WILKINS:Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People ChangeThe Beyond Addiction Workbook for Family & FriendsCMC: Foundation for ChangeFurther Listening on Pulling the Thread:PART 1: Holly Whitaker, “Reimagining Recovery”PART 2: Carl Erik Fisher, M.D., “Breaking the Addiction Binary”PART 3: Maia Szalavitz, “When Abstinence-Only Approaches Fail”ADDICTION: Anna Lembke, M.D., “Navigating an Addictive Culture”TRAUMA: Gabor Maté, M.D., “When Stress Becomes Illness”BINGE EATING DISORDER: Susan Burton, “Whose Pain Counts?” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Screenwriter Akiva Goldsman discusses the healing power of storytelling in therapy. He reflects on how personal experiences of childhood sexual abuse influenced his work. The podcast explores themes of fantasy, reversal, and love in healing trauma, as well as the importance of self-compassion and forgiveness. It also delves into gender, sexuality, sleep deprivation, and the complexity of personal identities. Finally, the hosts discuss the impact of storytelling on healing and the moral clarity of Star Trek.

In this thought-provoking discussion, Maia Szalavitz, a contributing opinion writer for the New York Times and author, argues that addiction should be viewed as a learning disability rather than a moral failing. She emphasizes the importance of harm reduction strategies like needle exchanges and prescribed heroin, while also shedding light on the complexities of trauma and individual susceptibility. With her personal journey intertwined, Maia advocates for compassion and understanding in addressing addiction, pushing back against harmful stereotypes and misconceptions.