The spark in dating can often lead us astray as it is based on instinctual chemistry and excitement, which may not necessarily indicate a good relationship. Research shows that only 11% of people feel love at first sight with their partner. Additionally, some people are naturally sparky and give off the spark to many types of people, but this may not reflect their true character. Having the spark at the beginning also does not guarantee a viable relationship, as many divorced couples had the spark. Many people stay in relationships because of the romanticized story of how they met, but this is only a small part of the relationship. The advice is to focus on finding someone who makes you feel interesting, desired, and attractive, and to go for the slow burn. The slow burn refers to someone who may not have the initial spark, but is reliable, kind, and loyal, and you grow to like them more over time. Rather than making an immediate yes or no decision after the first date, it is recommended to go on at least two dates to give the person a chance and create a relaxing environment to get to know them without the pressure of evaluation.
Logan Ury, a behavioral scientist at the dating app Hinge, says making dating decisions based on initial chemistry alone is a losing battle. In this episode, dating coach Damon Hoffman speaks with Ury about her book, How to Not Die Alone.
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